Chapter Text
XxXxX
Pomni sat on the grass just outside the Circus tent. She'd been doing this more and more recently, taking time to herself, away from the others. It wasn't that she disliked the other Circus members. The majority of them were kind, patient, supportive people. And yet… She sighed. “You're being silly,” she told herself. “It's all in your head.”
“Talkin’ to yourself?”
Her head shot up, only to see Jax standing next to her, his usual jerkish grin firmly in place.
“You goin’ crazy already, kid?”
Pomni frowned. She'd told him multiple times over the course of the last few weeks to stop calling her that. He knew it bothered her. But that was Jax. Once he discovered a certain action or phrase bugged you, he kept at it, like a kid picking at a scab.
The rabbitoid plopped down beside her, leaning leisurely against the digital canvas. He was silent for a few moments before asking, “So, what's up?”
“Huh?”
His eyes locked onto hers. “What's ‘all in your head’?”
She knew better than to answer, knew he'd likely use whatever she told him as future amo, but she was just too damn tired to care at this point. She needed someone to talk to about this issue, and here Jax was, lending her a long, furry ear. Pomni sighed once more. “I dunno. It's just… Something feels…off when I'm with the others.” He cocked his brow and she rushed to explain. “I-It's not anything they did! Everyone's really nice! But…” She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I just…don't feel like I fit in. It's hard to explain.” Jax was quiet for a long while. Long enough to make Pomni nervous. “I know it doesn't make any sense. Forget I said anything.”
“It makes perfect sense.”
Pomni turned her head to look at him, eyes widening at the serious expression on his face. She was suddenly reminded of their brief interaction at Spudsy’s. He'd seemed a lot more serious then, too. She fidgeted nervously with her gloves. “I-it does?”
“Yeah,” he sighed, voice suddenly tired.
She was taking a risk here, but Pomni felt she had to know, so she asked, “Do…you feel that way, too?”
Jax smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. “All the %$!#ing time.”
Pomni sat there, stunned. This was the most honest Jax had ever been with her. It was so out of character for him, she didn't know what to say.
“I never felt like I fit in anywhere, as a kid. Even when I had friends, something always felt off; like they were silently judging me. Like…I didn't belong. Eventually, I got tired of it and just kept to myself. Unfortunately, that's not something we can really do here, at the Circus. The more you self-isolate here, the more likely you are to go nuts and abstract, and I dunno about you, but I don't wanna end up locked in the cellar.”
“Why are you telling me all this?” she asked wearily. “Aren't you afraid I'll use it against you?”
Jax let out a short huff of laughter. “Naw. You're cunning, PomPom, but you ain't malicious.” He turned to look at her, something akin to affection in his smile. “I trust you.”
Pomni’s head was spinning. “Why?” she asked, not understanding.
Jax shrugged. “‘Cause you're the only person here I don't get that feeling from. Sure, you judge me, but only when it's justified. Other than that, you seem pretty chill.”
She hadn't really thought about it before, but it was true. Pomni didn't really mind Jax when he wasn't going out of his way to be a menace. They kinda just…were, around each other. Come to think of it, she didn't really feel all that anxious around him. She usually just let her emotions out and didn't worry about him judging her for it, because he didn't. She was just Pomni and he was just Jax. This realization had her heart pounding and her cheeks heating up. When had she gotten so comfortable around Jax, of all people? Then another thought struck her. What had he said before, about self-isolating? She'd been doing that a lot lately. ‘Was he…? Did he come out here to check up on me?’
“Besides,” he went on, interrupting her downward emotional spiral, “if you try anything, I'll get you back for it.”
There was the Jax she knew. The relief she felt caused her to burst out laughing. He grinned, seemingly proud of himself. “You're so weird,” she declared, with zero malice behind it.
“Yeah, but that's alright.”
His words made her heart ache. She smiled softly at him as she said, “Yeah… Yeah, it is.”
XxXxX