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Emetophobia, Noun: Extreme fear of throwing up
This is a phobia I have, and it sucks ass
I have it since I was a kid
Ever since a girl in my class vomited all over the gym floor
I remember how I felt so clearly:
Shaky hands, like an earthquake was coursing through my body
Closed breath, like an invisible force kept me from breathing
Negative thoughts spreading like wildfire across my mind
I've kept this fear all throughout my life
I, thankfully, haven't thrown up since I was about 7
When I threw up apple juice
My fear mainly stems from others doing it
At school,
A boy leaving class to throw up
Sends my mind into a spiral
At home,
When my dad throws up while watching a TV show
I fear for my life on my front porch
Fictional characters throwing up,
Even just for a second
Causes me to skip that entire episode
My sister throwing up after Red Lobster one night
Fears me from going for the next year
And I still fear it a little
My sister throwing up again
For no particular reason at all
Brings me awful anxiety, worry, panic, hysteria, and more
Just because I fear other people
Doesn't mean I don't fear myself doing it
Far from it even
I have awful night terrors about me throwing up
And then just passing out over it
Or worse
I actively avoid new foods,
Not just because of my sensory problems,
But because my deep anxieties
My sister and friends just call me "picky"
Or say "Oh, my god, stop being so sensitive!"
I would stop if I could!
Do you think I wanted this?!
Do you think that a deep anxiety is "overreacting"?!
Do you think that I wanted to be this picky?!
No! I want to eat more!
I want to be more exotic,
Not be afraid of eating!
But, no, I wasn't made that way
I was given a fear I can't control
No matter how hard I try
Everyone's afraid of something
This is just my fear, and how I react to it
And I wish it wasn't