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Arin is a pretty heavy sleeper. Even he will admit that. But when Suzy shoved him for the 5th time, he finally woke up.
“Tell Mochi to shut the fuck up,” he mumbled in his sleep, but Suzy snickered sleepily, thankful that her husband was finally awake.
“It’s your phone, Arin. It’s going crazy. Make it stop,” she ordered him before turning on her side and closing her eyes again, while Arin blinked his own open and gazed at the phone on his nightstand. Sure enough, the screen was lit up. He fumbled for it, coordination still not completely 100%, and unlocked it as he turned away from Suzy so the light wouldn’t bother her.
4 new texts, he was greeted. He opened up the inbox and scanned them. All of them were from Dan, with a few minutes between them.
He glanced at the clock. It was four in the morning. What the hell did Dan want at four in the friggin’ morning?
[3:45 AM] Hey Arin, are you awake? Can I call you?
[3:51 AM] Barry’s not home, and I kinda need someone to talk to right now.
[3:58 AM] Please call me if you can.
[4:02 AM] You’re probably asleep. I’m sorry.
Arin’s heart started racing, and he felt his gut clench with worry as he drew the covers away from himself and sat up, careful not to bother Suzy. He put on a pair of fuzzy slippers and made his way into the kitchen, turning on the light as he called Dan.
Mochi ran up to him and started rubbing his face against Arin’s leg as he sat down. He absentmindedly started petting him when Dan finally picked up.
“Hey man, what’s up? I just saw your texts, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Arin rambled. He heard Dan take a shaky breath on the other end of the line.
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. Dan’s voice was hushed and meek, and Arin frowned, not liking the sound of it. “I-I shouldn’t have woken you up, it’s nothing. I’m sorry. You should… You should go back to bed.”
“Dude, do you honestly think I’ll be able to sleep now?” Arin laughed, attempting to lighten the mood, but only earning another “I’m sorry” from Dan. Mochi jumped on his lap and started purring. Arin held the phone close to the cat.
“Y’hear that? Even Mochi’s worried about you now!” he joked. “Come on man, tell me what’s up.”
There was silence on the other end, except for the sound of Dan shuffling around a bit. Then;
“I’m just… Fuck, I’m just so nervous, you know? The album release and all that…”
Arin made a small noise of understanding. He knew both Dan and Brian had been nervous about the cover album; it was a new thing, it wasn’t what the fans were used to. But…
“But you’ve gotten like… a ton of pre-orders already, dude! What’s there to worry about?” he asked. Dan made a groan of frustration.
“That’s exactly it, Arin! Like… Fuck, they pre-ordered before we’d even released the tracklist! What if they get super disappointed? What if it’s not what they expected? What if they want to return it? What if they…” It sounded like Dan deflated before continuing, “...fuck, what if they hate it?” he whimpered.
“Dan, no no no, Dan, hey, listen,” Arin said, wanting to reach out and pull the older man into a reassuring hug. “Dude, hey, they’ll love it. They’ll love anything you put out, and especially this,” he tried. But Dan sighed.
“I dunno, man… I mean…”
“...You mean?”
“I just can’t shake it off, man. I’ve been in too many failed bands to not be scared, y’know?”
Arin shifted a little, not sure how to respond to that. He knew that Dan had tried with a lot of different bands that had gone nowhere, and that there definitely was a fear of failure in the man's core.
“Anyway,” Dan continued as Arin didn’t answer. “I’m sorry I woke you up. You should go back to sleep.”
“And what about you, then?” Arin asked, biting his lip and scratching Mochi behind the ears.
“I dunno,” The shrug was almost audible. “I’ll see if I can sleep, somehow.”
“You haven’t slept yet?”
“No. My brain won’t shut up,” Dan forced a laugh, but Arin could hear that it wasn’t genuine. Spending hours together on a couch meant you quickly got to know the other person’s real laughs, and their fake ones.
Arin made a quick decision and gently moved Mochi down to the floor again, earning a meow as if the cat thought him rude.
“I’m coming over. Maybe I can help you sleep, and if not, then we’ll stay awake together,” he stated. Dan immediately started protesting, but Arin cut him off.
“I’m not letting you be all alone when you’re in a headspace like this, Dan. It’s not good for you. You know that. I can be over in like… 10 minutes, maybe 15. Probably 10, I don’t think the traffic’s too heavy, considering the time. Just gotta say bye to Suzy.”
Dan sighed, and Arin could hear him walk across the hardwood floor.
“I guess I can’t convince you to stay at home with your wife, so… door’s unlocked,” he said as the click from the lock sounded through the house.
“I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
“You really don’t have to do this, Arin.”
“Yes I do.”
“...alright, drive safely, then.”
Arin hung up and poked his head into the bedroom. The small sliver of light from the doorway landed on Suzy, who groaned and blinked one eye open, looking at Arin in the doorway.
“What’s up?” she asked. “Is something wrong?”
“Dan’s having a rough night… I’m gonna go and be there for him, okay?” Arin said as he walked to her side of the bed and kissed her cheek. Suzy hummed sleepily.
“Tell him I said hi,” she smiled before burrowing into the pillows. Arin chuckled and pet her hair before discarding his fuzzy slippers and pulling on a pair of pants. The t-shirt he wore for bed would be fine, but he still grabbed his coat from the hanger in the hallway, before making it to the car.
The drive to Dan and Barry’s house was uneventful; there weren’t exactly a lot of cars out at 4:30 in the morning. He could see that the lights were turned on in the living room as he pulled up in the driveway.
Now, Arin and Dan are best friends. So much that Arin walked in without knocking; he figured that in case Dan had actually managed to fall asleep while Arin had been driving, he didn’t want to wake him up.
The living room was empty, but he could hear someone rummage around in the kitchen, so he toed off his shoes and sauntered in there.
Dan was standing with his back to the door, two mugs placed on the counter as he poured hot water in them. Arin could immediately tell that something was off; Dan always tried his best to have a good posture, so he wouldn’t get back problems and tension headaches, but right now he was slumped forwards, shoulders sagging and head hung low. His hair was pulled into a ponytail, and he was only in his boxers and a loose t-shirt, despite the air condition being on.
Arin waited until the older man had set the kettle down - didn’t want to startle him and get hot water poured on them both - before walking closer and placing a gentle hand on Dan’s back, between his shoulder blades.
Dan gasped quietly, but then noticed who it was, and relaxed. Arin stroked his thumb against Dan’s t-shirt, feeling the spine against his digit.
“Hey man,” he said, voice low and comforting. “Came as quick as I could.”
Dan nodded, tired eyes flitting between Arin and the counter.
“I, um… I made some tea. If you want.” He gestured with a shrug of his shoulder, and Arin nodded, taking the cups and signaling with a toss of his head for Dan to follow him into the living room.
Dan was the first to sit down, and Arin noticed the way he made himself small, how he kept his arms close to his chest, shoulders rising to almost be level with his ears. He sat down next to him, closer than usual, and put an arm around his shoulders, feeling them sink a little lower. Dan looked at him with a cocked brow, but Arin just shrugged and grabbed the thick blanket laying on the armrest.
“Y’seem cold, bro. Should drink your tea,” he murmured, spreading the blanket out and draping it across them both. Dan nodded and grabbed his mug, quietly sipping on it. Arin’s arm stayed around his shoulders the entire time, even as he placed the mug back on the table and leaned back against the cushions.
Arin looked at the older man and frowned, taking one of Dan’s hands in his own and squeezing it reassuringly.
“They’ll love it, Dan,” he said, stroking his thumb over the back of Dan’s hand, feeling the veins and knuckles tight against the sunkissed skin. “Remember when you guys put out The Last Unicorn? Or the new Skyhill single? They loved that shit, even if it didn’t have any dick jokes in them,” he tried to reason, bringing Dan’s hand to his mouth and placing a comforting kiss on it. “You’re wonderful, and they know it. You won’t disappoint them.”
Dan looked at Arin and blinked a couple of times, eyes glassy with sudden, unshed tears. Arin noticed this and pulled Dan into a hug, shushing him as he buried his head against Arin’s shoulder. Arin could feel the sleeve of his t-shirt grow damp, but he didn’t say anything; just held Dan a little closer and rubbed his back.
He remembered when Dan had taken over as Not-So-Grump back in the day. How he’d been a bundle of nerves, how he’d been scared the fans would reject him because he was going to replace something they were used to with something new - much like now. They hadn’t been as close back then, and now Arin couldn’t help but wonder if Dan had had a night like this one, but with nobody to text at four in the morning.
He knew that when Dan started doubting himself too much, he’d get into a headspace that wasn’t healthy. Arin had seen him like that a few times before. It was usually before a big project, like Guild Grumps or a new CD. He knew that it meant sleepless nights, and that Dan’s brain would be riddled with thoughts of not being good enough, of falling short and disappointing not only himself, but also everyone who’d worked on the project, his family, friends, the fans… Usually he’d tell about this in past tense; usually, it was Barry who held him through the night in these situations, and in the morning they would joke about it to the others at the Grump Space.
He knew the issues were probably from Dan’s crazy twenties, where everything had been messed up. Bands that had gotten nowhere, and the fact that Dan had hit what he referred to as “rock bottom with very little rock”, had left the New Jerseyan with a strong dose of perfectionism, a drive to make things work, and a crippling fear of not being good enough.
“Dan, it’s okay. They’ll love it. How could they not?” Arin tried. “You’re so good at what you do, man. I’ve never met anyone as dedicated and talented as you,” he praised, leaning his cheek against the back of Dan’s head, arms still wrapped protectively around the older man.
“I’m not. They’re gonna realize that and then everything-” Dan whimpered against Arin’s shoulder, but Arin shushed him before he could finish.
“Fuck the Fraud Police, Dan. You are good enough. You’ll see.”
Dan sniffled and sighed, apparently having cried his tears out for now. He sat up and wiped his face, very much not looking at Arin, feeling ashamed.
“I’m sorry, man… I wake you up and throw all of my problems on you and soak you with snot and tears,” he mumbled. Arin couldn’t help but laugh as he reached for Dan’s tea, handing it to him with a smile.
“That’s what friends are for, dude. No need to apologize,” he said. Dan finally looked up at him as he took the mug. His eyes were a light pink hue due to the crying, and he looked even more tired now.
“Still, I’m sorry I dragged you out of bed,” Dan said. Arin shrugged.
“You can just drag me into your bed, then. It’ll be like a slumber party, but a totally masculine one,” he joked. “I can talk until you fall asleep, if that’ll help drown out your own thoughts,” he suggested, taking a big gulp of tea. Dan pondered this for a bit before nodding. He hadn’t slept well the past few nights, and hadn’t slept at all this night. Proper rest sounded like heaven right now.
They abandoned the tea on the coffee table and made their way to Dan’s bedroom. Arin was quick to make himself comfortable under the covers, and then stretched his arms out, earning a questioning look from Dan.
“C’mere,” Arin said, as if it was enough explanation. Dan lied down on the bed and scooted closer, resting his head on one of Arin’s arms, as the other pulled the covers around them both before snaking around Dan and starting to rub his back soothingly.
They were properly cuddling right now. Dan almost wanted to mumble “no homo”, but also didn’t want to ruin the moment. It felt nice; Arin was big and warm, and Dan felt safe in his arms. Their legs were intertwined, Dan’s cold feet trying to absorb heat from Arin’s sock-clad ones, and Arin could feel how Dan slowly relaxed.
Arin then remembered how he’d promised that he would distract Dan from all the nasty thoughts his brain had been circling around, and started looking for a topic. In the end, he decided that the cats would be good enough.
“Have I ever told you how we got Mochi?” he asked. He felt Dan shake his head, and he started talking, remembering it like it was yesterday. At first, when he told something funny, Dan would laugh. Then he would just chuckle. Soon, when Arin told a joke, he just felt Dan smile. And pretty soon, there wasn’t any reaction at all. Instead, Dan’s breathing had evened out, signalling that he’d finally fallen asleep.
Arin smiled and kissed Dan’s head, feeling the mass of curls tickle his face as he did so. There were only a few days until the album was released. If Dan couldn’t sleep on his own until then… Then Arin wouldn’t mind helping him like this again.