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Peri's first mistake was assuming a human form.
In his defense!- his parents had suggested it, claiming that their disguise as Hazel's neighbors had allowed them to be a bigger part of her life, supporting her in situations where an human adult would be more welcome than a fairy one, and "maybe that's what Dev needs to trust you more, Peri-weri! A steady presence can do a lot for a kid's sense of stability."
And well, if Peri has learned anything in the past several months, it's that raising a child- particularly a neglected, misguided one like Dev- is much harder than fairy school led him to believe, and that Peri was perhaps not the best godparent in the world to him.
He'd been more concerned about succeeding and proving his parents wrong than he had Dev's happiness. A memory wipe was probably a once-in-a-lifetime fresh start, and he sure as hell refuses to screw things up with Dev a second time. The kid deserves better than that. Any advice on how to do that was worth considering, right?
(In hindsight, he should've questioned it more. His parents aren't exactly the poster children of responsible godparenting, either.)
And if the human form was his first mistake, the second was the way in which he'd justified his presence in Dev's life.
In a moment of brilliance, Peri had chosen to con his way into Dale Dimmadome's staff, instead of like, pretending to be Dev's neighbor, how Wanda and Cosmo did for Hazel.
It's not!! Lying!! Not exactly, anyway. Peri had just sort of subliminally, magically influenced Dale into thinking a nanny was a good, fashionable idea for someone of his wealth and status, and then sort of nudged his very-impressive and very-manufactured resume to the top of the application list.
Getting hired was laughably easy after that.
It's fine, Peri reasons. He's being a good godparent, and therefore, the unsanctioned use of magic was morally justified.
And now he's here, in the Dimmadome's kitchen, six days into the world's fakest nannying gig, and Dale is staring at Peri like he's never seen him before.
"Who the hell are you?" Dale asks, sneer made all the more condescending by the gold teeth. Peri resists the urge to scowl back.
"You hired me?" Peri answers, half a question. "Online, three weeks ago? I asked if you wanted to meet me in-person, and you just sent me a start date, so," he spreads his hand, the one that's not busy holding his cane. If he weren't trying to appear professional, he'd fiddle with his wand tip to ease his anxiety, disguised as a star charm that dangles from the handle. "Here I am."
Why don't you remember that? Peri screams at him internally. I could've been a literal axe murderer, and you just left me alone with your kid for nearly an entire week!
At least Dev re-met him as a fairy first, and therefore wasn't freaked out by a stranger's sudden presence in his home, but still. Peri kind of doubts that Dale would've done anything if Dev had complained.
Dale looks at him for another second, gaze flicking up and down Peri's body in a way that, for some indecipherable reason, makes Peri's skin crawl. Then recognition sparks in his face. "Ah, right, the nanny. Hm. Your application didn't say you were crippled."
"Excuse me?"
"Are you making breakfast?" Dale continues, nodding at the bowl and griddle on the counter behind Peri, apparently not noticing or not caring about the red tint of anger that's blooming on Peri's cheeks.
"…yes," Peri says slowly. Is telling your employer not to call you a slur liable to get you fired? Should he do it anyway? It's not like this is a real job… although it would cause problems if Dale caught him hanging around Dev in his human form afterwards-
"You're aware that the O-Pairs can cook, correct?"
"Yes," Peri repeats, feeling like a puppet on a string. "I just thought it'd be nice for Dev to have a homemade meal once per day."
Since no one else was going to do so, clearly.
"Hah! Dev's a Dimmadome, he can do much better than homemade."
Peri offers a tight smile. It probably looks more like a grimace. "Uh. Right. Well. I've already started the routine, so, I may as well keep doing it! Besides, I like to cook."
A bold-faced lie, but Peri does like the cautious optimism that's growing in Dev's demeanor every time Peri is not a complete and total asshole to him, so, cooking is definitely worth the effort, even if he doesn't find it overly enjoyable.
"You're hilarious," Dale drawls, but it sounds fake, even with the cheerful tone he's attaching to it. "Y'know, I suppose I have a minute before I have to get to my meeting. Let's chat." Dale steps closer to him, and Peri has the insane impulse to take a step back.
He can't, though, the counter at his back preventing him from retreating. And that is fine, because he doesn't need to run from his godkid's dad, no matter who much of a dick he is. Peri's just- being weird. And paranoid! Yeah, that's it.
"Ch-chat? About what?"
"Can't a man want to get to know his son's babysitter?" Dale asks with a grin, but there's something slimy about it, and he's leaning into Peri's space just a little too much for comfort.
…no, hold on, there is definitely something odd going on here. Something Peri is failing to read. Ugh, humans are so weird. Hopefully it's nothing important.
Didn't seem to concern you before, Peri bites back. Instead, he forces himself to return the smile, and says, laughing a tad, "I'm an open book! What do you want to know?"
"College?" Is Dale's first question, which is annoying, because he should've read Peri's resume carefully enough to know that, but Peri finds himself relaxing at the normalcy of it.
"DDU."
"Hometown?"
"Here. Down in the suburbs."
"Married?"
"Single," Peri says, then frowns. Wait, what?
Dale's grin widens. Geez, those gold teeth are hideous.
Also- when did he get so close? Dale's hand somehow ended up on the countertop behind him, just barely brushing Peri's arm, his body pressed forward as if to purposefully eliminate any remaining breathing room Peri may have had.
Dale is shorter than Peri, but it doesn't feel like it anymore. In fact, Peri feels a little bit like he's being cornered by a tiger. Technically shorter, yes, but no less deadly.
Some tiny voice in the back of Peri's mind is screaming nope nope nope and even though he has no idea why, Peri finds himself fighting every muscle in his body not to poof away that very instant.
"Good," Dale says, and Peri's mind goes blank. Oh. Oh, fuck.
"Um," Peri says, face going red with embarrassment and disgust and what do Da Rules even say about a godkid's parent flirting with you??? He has no idea where he's going with his response, and is thankfully saved from having to find out by a voice from the other room.
"Peri?" Dev calls, half-muffled like he's still pulling on his sweatshirt, "Are you down here?"
"Y-yup, in the kitchen!" Peri shouts back, then lowers his voice back to a speaking tone to talk to Dale. "You're, uh, standing really close. Could you maybe back up a bit, sir?"
Mistake. Something very dark glints in Dale's eyes at the use of that title. "Why?"
Peri wants to drive his fist directly into Dale's smug smirk, or at least glare at him. He takes a tiny breath instead, white-knuckling his cane to avoid squirming. This is his godkid's dad, for better or worse. Mostly worse. But Peri is gonna keep this guy from exiling him from the human side of Dev's life if it kills him. New start. Fresh start. Full of effective and healthy godparenting. "I'm… flattered, really, but I'm not really comfortable with-"
The door slams open, soft footfalls echoing on the tile. "Hey, I was wondering if- uh."
Dale does not, in fact, spring back as Dev enters the room, so Peri takes it upon himself to shove the older man back a few steps, fixing a smile on his face as he turns to face Dev. Hopefully it looks less frazzled than it feels. "Hey, champ! Want some pancakes?"
Dev glances between the two of them several times, frozen mid-step. "Don't call me champ," he says, after an incredibly awkward moment.
"You got it!" Peri chirps back. He busies himself with pouring batter onto the griddle in perfect little circles, ignoring the presence of Dale behind him and Dev's flabbergasted expression and the fact that his dysfunctional human legs feel even shakier than they normally do.
Oh god. Oh, fucking lord in fairy heaven. Dale was hitting on him. Or, actually, 'hitting on' feels like too tame a term for whatever that was. Harassment might be more accurate. Does the house staff here have an HR department? Would it even help?
He feels a bit sick.
"Dad, you're… here for breakfast," Dev says, snapping Peri out of his mind. He looks up to see the kid sitting on one of the swivel chairs at the counter, hands shoved sullenly into jacket pockets.
Normally, the Dimmadome family members would be served in the dining room, since the kitchen is for the staff, but Dev seems to have caught on quick that it's hard for Peri to balance multiple plates with the cane, and while the kid obviously still refused to carry his own dishes, eating in the kitchen ("like a commoner," as Dev likes to complain) was a happy compromise for them both.
"Eh, no, I've got to get going, Devin. Was just having a little talk with your babysitter, here," Dale waves a hand at Peri, not looking at him anymore. At least the man has some tact in front of his own son.
"A little talk," Dev repeats, voice somehow getting even more bitter. Dale, evidently, doesn't care, as he starts striding out of the room without another word to the kid.
"It was very nice to meet you," Dale calls over his shoulder at the last possible second, with another one of those oily grins that makes Peri's lungs freeze, and then he's gone.
"Oh thank the wands," Peri mumbles, turning his attention back to the pancakes. He's forgetting a step here, he thinks faintly. Cooking by hand is weird, not that he bothered making the batter itself from scratch.
"The hell was that?" Dev asks.
Peri fixes a light glare on him. "Language, Dev."
"Fine. What the ever-loving hell was that?"
A spatula. That's what he needs. Peri shuffles through a few shelves, considers asking Dev, and then processes the ridiculousness of that idea and summons one instead. He laughs nervously and starts flipping pancakes. "What was what?"
"Oh, you know what. My dad." Dev jerks a thumb at the now-empty doorway. "He was like, smiling at you. He doesn't smile at anyone." He frowns, then, adding softly, "I should know."
Peri's heart breaks a little. He tries not to let it effect his demeanor any more than Dale did. "Was he? I, uh, didn't notice."
Dev observes him for half a second. "You're lying."
Peri lets out a huff. What is he supposed to say, here? 'Sorry kid, your dad's a creepy asshole who doesn't understand the importance of consent, has more interest in nailing the help than talking to his own damn son, and, oh yeah, is also probably gay?' Yeah, that'd go over real great. Also, large parts of it make Peri want to tear his skin off, or at least vomit a few times. "Fine, he was. But, Dev, I really doubt he was smiling because of me. I don't think he even knows my name."
That much is true, at least, although it really shouldn't be.
Dev glowers at him, once, then seems to decide he's not worth the effort and glowers down at the floor instead. "Whatever. Like I even care."
Peri, generous (and guilt-ridden) fairy that he is, does not call Dev out on that lie. It's not technically his fault that Dale decided to harass him, but he feels shitty about it nonetheless. Dev tries hard enough to compete for his father's attention without Peri becoming another source of competition.
He aims for safer territory. "You said you needed something?"
"I don't need anything," Dev snaps, but he looks at Peri again, so that's a win in Peri's book. "But, uh," he bites his lip for a second, "I was wondering if we could wish Hazel along to Meridian Northeast tomorrow? She said she was scared to go out of town on her own, but I'm sure she'd wanna go if she had company, so, uh. Yeah."
This time, when Peri smiles, it's one-hundred percent real. Hazel brings out something so honest and kind in Dev- it makes Peri feel like the kid is actually making progress. "That's a great idea, kiddo! She'll love it."
"Shut up," Dev mumbles, but his face is bright red, and when Peri hands him a plateful of pancakes, he even smiles.
Dev!! The broodiest ten year-old alive!! Smiling!!
Yeah, Peri thinks, attempting to drill this moment into his memory. Creepiness or no, being here is definitely worth struggling for.