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Eddie looks down at the phone in his hand, and turns off the running water in the bathroom sink he'd used to muffle his conversation. If you have to hide it, you're doing something wrong. That's what Uncle Wayne always said.
But, he's doing it anyway.
Heading towards the door, he casually reaches to get his leather jacket. Maybe Gareth won't notice. Maybe he can slink out of here unnotic—
"Where are you going? Where are you going?"
Fuck. Jimmy Buffett the goddamn parrot is a misses-nothing tattletale.
Gareth turns, looking, "Hey, Jim's right. Where are you going?"
"Just, you know, out."
"Eddie."
"Google, play Master of Puppets," Jimmy Buffett demands, and the bluetooth speaker fires up. Plays the opening riff, and then Jimmy asks all over again. Head bobbing back and forth the entire time. He only wants the intro, over and over.
"Great," Gareth says, "just great, Ed. This is a fun loop to be in."
"Hey, we got him over the M-A-R-G-A-R-," he pauses, trailing off.
"No, no, keep going," Gareth goads.
"I-T-A-V-I-L-L-E obsession," Eddie finishes. There's no way in hell he's saying that word out loud. "This is an improvement and you know it."
"Unplugging the damn thing, not giving a bird the option of dictating our lives would be an improvement too, and yet."
"Where are you going?" the grooving parrot asks again, Master of Puppets blaring.
"Good question, Jimmy," Gareth concurs.
"The shelter."
That lights a fire under Gareth's ass, and he's up off the couch.
"Eddie, no, we don't have room for anything else!" Gareth snaps, waving his hands around the living room that's already full of cages, aquariums and other various habitats.
"But Steve called," Eddie says, and Gareth huffs out a breath of annoyance.
"Steve's taking advantage," Gareth insists, and Eddie knows that's not true. It's just not easy to find someone qualified to foster all the weird and exotic animals. "Goodie won't even come over here anymore, you know. Wait. Go ahead. Get something else. Alligator? Komodo Dragon? Anaconda?"
Eddie laughs. Goodie hates to be in the same room as the snakes, but if Eddie covers their habits, Goodie can sometimes pretend they aren't there. Sometimes.
"What are you getting this time?" Gareth asks, and then waves his hands around, "No. Wait. Don't tell me. I'll be surprised."
Oh, and surprised he'll be.
Mainly because Eddie doesn't even know. Steve just called, said he had something Eddie needed to see, and that was all the info Eddie needed.
Eddie snags Gareth around the neck, shaking him around in a rough thank you hug.
"If Jimmy keeps it up longer than thirty minutes, you can unplug the speakers, okay?"
"How generous," Gareth sasses, but crashes back onto the couch, "I'm really fucking sick of this, you asshole."
He'll live. He always does.
But, well. Eddie can't resist. He pokes his head back in the door, and croons, "Strummin' my six string, on my front porch swing."
Jimmy Buffett squawks and flaps his wings.
"Google, play Margaritaville," he demands, Master of Puppets forgotten. If looks could kill, Eddie'd be dead. Gareth throws up his middle fingers, both of them, before sliding his noise-cancelling headphones over his ears.
Eddie cackles as he closes the door, leaving Gareth in Margaritaville hell.
When Eddie pulls up at the rescue, Steve's out front with a family, rolling around in the lush, green grass as he's introducing a dog that's wagging the shit out of its tail, thrilled to be out of the dog run.
Fair enough. Eddie'd be thrilled if he was getting that kind of attention from Steve, too.
Steve gets animals adopted, and it's pretty cool to watch in action. Dogs, Steve can find homes fairly easily. Same with cats. Eddie swears half the time the adopters are turning up just to see Steve. He features heavily on all their social media, and has an amazing track record for facilitating successful adoptions.
He's an animal whisperer, through and through. So, basically catnip to Eddie.
Unfortunately, he's made the shelter very popular, and as a consequence other animals have been dropped off that are far less easy to adopt out.
Those are the critters that dictate calls to Eddie.
At least they aren't being released into the wild, which is a real goddamn problem. If they end up with Steve, they've got a chance.
Steve sees him, and hands the leash of the overly happy pup over to Robin. Eddie gives her a wave, and then shoves his hands in his pockets as Steve approaches, grinning.
"Hey, man. Thanks for coming," Steve says, slinging his arm around Eddie's shoulders, walking him towards the shelter. "It's been a while."
And it has been a few months. There's no rhyme or reason to when they might get something they can't take care of at the shelter. But when they call, Eddie gets to see Steve and nurse his pathetic crush that's been building over the past two years.
Eddie hates that this is the biggest reason he keeps saying yes. Getting to be near Steve, feeling helpful, and yes, all the friendly touches. He definitely doesn't hate those.
Steve lets go to open the door, and leads Eddie through the maze of the place. Past all the run-of-the-mill animals, to the dungeon. At least, that's what Eddie calls it.
In a too small saltwater tank, is an octopus.
"Oh hell no," Eddie laughs, "you want me to be the jailer for that brilliant escape artist?"
Steve giggles, "Hence the rocks on the lid. This is Houdini. We know what she can do. Apparently, she kept breaking into all the tanks near her, eating the inhabitants, then slinking back into her own tank like nothing had happened. It was a real aquatic mystery, until they set up a camera and caught her in the act."
Eddie grins, and looks at her, watching her flash, changing colors and then back again, "Smart little asshole. You're resourceful, ain't you, honey?" Eddie asks her, watching as she moves through the water.
"You'll take her?" Steve asks, looking hopeful.
"Of course," Eddie answers, "you'll just have to let me get something set up for her. I have a saltwater tank cycled that'll be big enough, which is lucky. I'm sure you don't want to keep her here for three months. But I'll need to do some shuffling, and reinforcing. They're like cats. Liquids that cannot be contained."
Steve laughs.
"How old is she?" Eddie asks, because they don't live long, as sad as that is. He wants to be prepared. She's definitely not a long term commitment, not like Irv the tortoise, or Jimmy the parrot or Heqet the African clawed frog. Those are decades long commitments, if the right home never comes along.
Steve isn't sure, which isn't uncommon for the things that they sometimes just find dropped off on their front step.
At least Houdini has some backstory. That's not always a given.
Gareth comes home, still pissy. Margaritaville isn't playing, so that's a plus. Eddie prepared for this, though. Bribes work on Gareth.
"There's booze in the blender," he teases, at least this time out of Jimmy's earshot.
"Okay, I might forgive you. Show me what you've got first. Direwolf? Slimer? Harry from the Hendersons?"
Eddie laughs, "I don't have her yet. It's an octopus."
"Oh. That's not so bad," Gareth says, salting the rim, then pouring himself a margarita that Eddie was heavy handed with the good tequila in as an apology.
"We have to move Pennywise and pals," Eddie admits, and Gareth groans. He hates fish tank business.
"We can do it," he reassures, "eat a taco. You'll feel better."
Eddie stopped and picked up the tacos they both like, and they sit and eat, splitting the pitcher of margaritas until they're both tipsy.
"I just," Gareth says, "I don't mind the animals. But women don't want to come here."
Eddie can't be mad at him for telling the truth. He knows. Men don't want to come here either.
"Goodie said I could move in with him," Gareth says, and Eddie feels his stomach drop, "for a price."
"You'll kill each other," Eddie says.
"I know," Gareth answers, "I'm not going anywhere. But this house is a real cockblock."
"Tell me about it," Eddie sighs, "I'm not doing any better."
He knows Gareth knows that, too. But these animals don't have anywhere else to go. He doesn't want them destroyed just because their previous owners didn't take good care of them.
"At least you have Steve," Gareth says, poking at him over his crush.
"I wish," Eddie says.
He wants Steve, but that's a pipe dream.
Eddie rolls over, blinking. Trying to reorient. He picks up his phone, and peers at the screen. The security camera notification woke him up. David is sitting on the back patio. Waiting.
So, Eddie crawls out of bed. Throws on a t-shirt over his boxers, sliding on shoes.
Pulling open the sliding glass door, he asks, "Hey, buddy, where you been? It's been a few days, let me get you some food," Eddie tells the plump raccoon and heads back to the kitchen to make peanut butter sandwiches, and fetch fresh water as well as some other snacks. He isn't technically Eddie's, but he can't stand to see any creature go hungry.
So, fed he'll be.
Even if he shows up at three in the goddamn morning.
A few days later Eddie calls to let Steve know his saltwater tank is ready that Gareth nearly killed him for trying to set up the first time. Too much chemistry.
"Want me to deliver her?" Steve asks, and Eddie pauses. Steve wants to come to his house? He's never been to his house before. Eddie comes to him. That's the deal. Nobody wants to come here.
"I mean, if you want, but if you don't have time, I can make my roommate come with me to come get her," Eddie offers.
Steve insists, so Eddie starts to tell him his address, before he realizes Steve knows. It's on every application, every foster agreement he's ever signed.
"But you already know that," Eddie laughs.
"I do," Steve answers, "but it's less creepy this way."
Two hours later, Steve's on his doorstep with Houdini. They start the process to get her drip acclimated into the bigger tank.
"Wow. This is," Steve says, and Eddie can see him looking all over the room and the rest of the sentence goes unsaid. It's a lot to take in. Aquariums, cages, habitats all over the place. Steve had to know. He's the one that keeps calling Eddie to pick up these exotic and hard to place animals.
"Pretty, pretty," Jimmy Buffett coos, dancing in his cage, looking at Steve.
Well, he's not wrong. Just embarrassing Eddie for fun, undoubtedly. Like an unruly five-year-old.
"C'mere, dingus," he mimics, and Steve tosses back his head and laughs.
"He sounds just like Robin," Steve says, and approaches her cage, "I can believe you remember me. Hi, Jimmy."
"Hi, Jimmy," the bird mimics back, "Get me a beer."
"No beer. Want a full tour?" Eddie offers Steve. Just as well show him all the crazy.
And he does, guiding Steve room-to-room.
When he sees the large enclosure in the corner of the spare bedroom, he stops, "Holy shit."
It's kinda crazy. Half water, half land, home to the dwarf caiman Steve though was a baby alligator when it was dumped on their step.
Eddie couldn't house an alligator. He doesn't have the space, or experience. But a dwarf caiman? Totally doable, after a small construction project that Gareth, Jeff and Goodie bitched about the entire time.
Goodie hates her, but she does like to grumble and hiss, especially at him.
"She's a bitch," Eddie says with affection, but he's sure he's stuck with her for the rest of her life. Which is fine. He wants to find nearly everything that turns up here a good fit for a permanent home, elsewhere. That doesn't always work out.
Most, if not all of them, were pets somebody got in over their head with. It's sad.
Steve doesn't seem scared, or disgusted, like a lot of people. Not even annoyed, like Gareth. Who honestly rolls with it better than most. He's not scared, at least. Eddie knows this funhouse of creatures is why he's single. Like, he can hookup with a guy here and there, but as soon as they get to the point that he needs to bring him home, shit goes south, quick. Nobody wants to sleep in a room with a frog singing, or watch TV with a chatty beach bum parrot.
He can't have everything, he's chosen this, and that's okay.
Steve is looking in each enclosure, and then he comes up to one of the enclosures in Eddie's bedroom, peering down inside, "Oh, wow. Hi, there, I don't believe I know you."
Eddie grins, looking down into the tortoise enclosure, "That's Irv. He was my grandpa's. My first experience with reptiles. I inherited him when my Uncle Wayne declined the opportunity to raise another beast," Eddie says with all the affection in the world. Wayne raised him. A tortoise, though? Not for him.
Steve laughs, and Eddie smiles at him.
"How old?" Steve asks.
"Forty-ish?" Eddie answers. Older than Eddie, definitely, but he's not a hundred percent for sure. He's just been able to trace photos back that far, at least.
"Amazing," Steve says, and Eddie's even more smitten. Steve doesn't seem grossed out by anything he's been confronted with so far in this house. Eddie shouldn't be surprised. He knows how much time Steve puts in at the shelter, Eddie just assumed he preferred the fuzzy, domesticated pets. Most people do.
Houdini is ready to be released into the bigger tank, and she immediately inks. It's expected. Eddie skims it out of the water, not wanting her to suffocate, and then secures the heavy lid. Flipping the new latches. She's sure pretty.
Steve meanders back towards the front door, and Eddie is sorry to see him go.
"Stop by again, if you want to visit. I'm sure Jimmy would be thrilled to lay eyes on you," and if on command, Jimmy gives a wolf whistle. They both laugh, "See?"
Then, Steve steps out onto the front porch, seems to change his mind, and steps back inside, "Okay. If I'm off-base, ignore me," Steve says, and Eddie feels the blood rushing to his cheeks.
No way.
"But. Would you maybe want to go out sometime?" Steve asks, and he looks so shy. Steve's never looked shy.
"Yes," Eddie says, taking a step closer, "fuck. Yes. Of course."
And Steve laughs, seemingly relieved. Eddie can't believe this guy wants to go on a date with him, especially after seeing his little shop of horrors.
"Thank god," Steve says, "I've felt the vibes. I thought? But I didn't want to scare off my best shelter ally if I was wrong."
"You weren't wrong," Eddie reassures, and Steve smiles, big and bright. Eddie wants to lock this down. "Tomorrow night?"
"Tomorrow night," Steve agrees.
Drinks, dinner and now Steve's standing in Eddie's bedroom shedding his shirt.
"Pretty, pretty," Eddie says, mimicking the parrot, and Steve giggles.
Then he drops his jeans, and scoots up Eddie's bed.
Eddie just stares. He's gorgeous, and so fucking confident that Eddie's going crazy. He wants him, he needs him, fuck, maybe he loves him.
He damn well wants to find out if this could be something. Something great, maybe.
So, he pulls his own clothes off, and then crawls on top of Steve, pressing him back into the sheets.
After, they lay shoulder-to-shoulder, Heqet singing a mechanical underwater buzzing sound.
"That's soothing," Steve says, and yeah. Eddie's heart is gone.
Steve bolts upright, startled, and Eddie lays a hand on his back, "Sorry. It's okay. I'll be back. Another animal to feed."
But Steve slides out of bed behind him, and Eddie is so goddamn smitten by this man.
"What is it?" Steve questions.
"David. My big dirty raccoon," Eddie explains, and doles out the snacky snacks he brought out to the patio.
Steve giggles, quoting, "Eww, David."
And Eddie grins. Exactly. Steve gets the reference, and Eddie's fucking enamored with this man that crawled out of his bed in the middle of the night to watch a raccoon wash his finger sandwiches in water.
Steve hugs him from behind, chin on his shoulder, and Eddie's so goddamn happy.
In the morning, Steve helps him feed and tend to all the different animals.
"Gareth's gonna be jealous," Eddie teases, "he can't find a woman to come back here to feed his snake."
Steve snorts, then makes a thinking face, looking over at Eddie, "You know. I actually know someone at the shelter. Dr. Dawlsen."
"Robin?" Eddie asks.
Steve cackles, making Jimmy squawk, "No. She's a lesbian. And not a vet."
"Oh. That all tracks," Eddie says, and Steve just grins.
Gareth comes out of his room, sees Steve, and rolls his eyes.
"Hey!" Steve demands, and Gareth looks at him. Steve snaps a couple pictures on his phone.
"What the fuck was that?" Gareth asks.
"Smile. He thinks he might have a lady doctor to set you up with that wouldn't run screaming from our menagerie."
"Vet, not gyno," Steve clarifies.
"Don't care. Carry on," Gareth says, preening like he's the fancy bird in the room.
Then, Steve's gotta go, "Well, I had fun. Let's do it again. And again."
Hell fucking yes.
"You're not gonna run for the hills?" Eddie teases, slinging his arms around Steve's neck, pressing their lips together again.
"Not a chance," Steve answers, nuzzling into Eddie's neck, "I like your wild kingdom. Kindness towards animals? Especially these animals? Such a turn on."
When Steve pulls back, Eddie grins, pulling his hair over his mouth.
"Tonight?" Steve asks.
And Eddie nods. Tonight. Absolutely.