Work Text:
“You’re a monster.”
He’s already dead, buried deep underneath the soil, he wondered why he froze in place as if that man, his so-called-father, was commanding him to do so from underneath the ground. Felix’s breathing becomes heavier each second, is he really dead?
Why can’t Felix move his feet to stomp on his grave?
Why can’t Felix throw a lighter and let his grave burn?
He is dead, right?
But why do Felix could still feel his father is watching him, like those purple bruises on his upper arm and waist are telling him to stay still and behave, like a dog on a leash. Both of his arms wrapped around himself, like he is covering those bruises even though it’s already been covered by his black suit, like he is telling his father to shut up and stop.
“Your father was a great guy, don’t be sad.”
He feels a stranger’s hand on his left shoulder, they see Felix hugging himself and they interpret it as if he is trying to find comfort because his father has passed away. No one knows that he is actually trying to find comfort because he himself has passed away, because of that man Felix doesn’t understand the point of living anymore, he just knows that he’s existing, his point of living has died and buried deep underground, along with Colt Fathom.
“No one wants you alive, not even your own mother.”
Amelie notices that her son barely finished half of his meal two hours ago, now she sees him sitting alone on the living room couch, looking down at the ground, his expression is flat as well as his eyes that seem so empty. Steps after steps, Amelie sits down beside Felix with her hand gently caressing his head, it’s her son of course she knows that he’s feeling sad, broken even.
“Your mother never wanted a child, she was forced to raise a monster like you. I feel sorry for her.”
When his father was dying, he learned some things, a lot of things, how he is not a human, but a monster of his own father's creation, at least that’s what Colt used to call him. His own life is depending on that little round thing on one of his fingers, what kind of human is that? What kind of human gets hurt when that little round thing breaks.
“Do you want me, mom?”
Felix felt that soft gentle hand suddenly stopped caressing his head, he tried to look anywhere but his mother before he felt those soft hands gently cupping his face, he felt the warmth and pain at his mom’s hands, her hands trembling as she slowly caressed his cheeks with her thumbs. Felix then sees her mother break, she cries with shaky hands on his face, she holds him so dearly.
She nods, “I do, Sweetheart, I do.”
Felix can’t bear seeing his mother crying, no matter how heartbreaking his father’s words were, how he said that he forced his mother to have and raise a child, he learned from those gut wrenching truths that his mother never wanted a child in the first place. If his mother doesn’t want him, she wouldn’t bother giving him praises and kisses on his face everytime he gets an achievement, not like his father who hits him, saying how it’s not normal for a boy his age to accomplish such things. If his mother doesn’t want him, then why does she keep stealing moments to tuck him to bed, silently singing lullabies for him until he’s asleep no matter how many times he pushed her away. It’s not that he doesn’t want his mother to hug him when he was feeling down, he wanted that more than anything in this world, but what he doesn’t want was seeing his mother’s cheek with a hint of red, he doesn’t mean to hurt her, he doesn’t want to hurt the only person who cares about him, who he loves the most. His hands were trembling as he wrapped his arms around his mother’s body, he buried his face on it seeking comfort that he was looking for in the past few years.
“I love you, mom.”
“I love you too, I’m here for you, always.”
Felix can’t help but to let the tears fall from his eyes down to his cheek as he feels those warm arms wrapped around his body. They don’t need to hide just to find some comfort, they’re not afraid anymore, Felix is not afraid anymore.
Or is he?
Standing on a rooftop alone with sunglasses on his face, watching the team corporate with the so-called-leader. He witnessed it so clearly, his kind got thrown into the sun like their lives do not matter. They are just like them, like him, a living being but with someone holding their strings with no choice but to obey whatever orders and commands. Of course, no one would care about that, they only see them as monsters, all of them would probably see himself as a monster too. Ladybug could at least think of something else, anything, try to find another solution she doesn’t hesitate a bit like her action is settled. Felix felt more vigilant than before, he can’t trust anyone, not even his teammates.
He has had enough, his mind is settled, he will not hesitate, and if the only solution to regain his freedom is this way then so be it. He already hated the world so much.
Felix, or rather Argos, widening his eyes after she told him something so casually as her hand is still moving over the sketchbook.
“You’re Ryuko?”
“I was.”
Right.
Argos nodded, the evening wind brushed his front hair a bit. He just met her not so long ago, about yesterday but he already felt comfortable being vulnerable around her, there was silence between them, Kagami seemed so focused on her work, and Argos couldn't help but feel warm seeing her enjoying herself. Her eyes are focusing on the drawings, she put a lot of effort to make her art alive, she like to pour out her emotions to a paper because her mother was so horrible to forbid her to show any of it, she thinks that it makes her weak, that emotions would make her a slave if she ever dares to show one. He still can’t believe that earlier she told him about her mother who claimed she is not good enough at art, her mother is blinder than he thought. Argos wrapped his arms around his leg, letting himself curl up in a sitting position, letting his head buried between his legs and that gesture made Kagami glanced over at him.
“I did some bad things.”
“I know.”
Argos tightened his arms around himself, “I killed my father, I let mom get hurt because—
“Felix.” He let his head raise a little just to look at her, seeing her makes his mind at ease.
“Those are not the bad things I meant and you know it.”
He’s quiet, but his thoughts are not. Kagami’s hand slowly reaching his cheek and he flinched a bit when feeling another skin close to his face, but instead of a hard painful slap, he feels gentle hand on his cheek, with the thumb caressing his delicate skin softly, the touch is similar to his mother’s, Argos can’t help but leans in to her touch, finding some comfort from that. Kagami understands why his father was so rough with him, and why his father despises him so much. It’s because his father didn’t find himself in his creation, he was nothing like him, far from it, his father was expecting a cruel heartless jerk instead of… him.
“You’re not a complete saint, but your existence is not a crime either, you know.”
He stares at her like she is the reason why he would give this cruel world another chance. He never let his guard down, never let anyone see his vulnerable state , but with her… he willingly showed her how weak he actually is.
“You have your own ways to show that you care. You still have a lot to learn, it might take a while but I’m willing to be here for you.”
“Please.”
Kagami smiles, Argos returns her smile. It’s the first time he felt like this. It felt funny, hand travels to her hand on his cheek, his palm touches the back of her hand, her skin is soft and warm. Something changed right at this moment, Argos might still hate the world, but for the first time in a long while he can’t bring himself to care, not when he’s here with her. His feelings for her change to something deeper, he can’t quite put it into words, but he wants it.
He wants her.