Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Craig drove his car down the highway towards South Park. He once again thanked God for being good to him. 2005 was definitely going to be his year!

While other kids his age were spending their summers either goofing off or working in customer service, he had been incredibly fortunate and gotten a summer position at the South Park Catholic Church as a Young Catholic Program Director/Youth Pastor. The job sounded like a lot of fun; he’d be in charge of summer programs for kids, so he could spend the summer playing video games or holding movie nights, having kids Bible studies, or even just hanging out in the church basement playing cards and board games. He was also planning to have a special camping trip for the kids at the end of the summer; apparently there was a popular area called Starks Pond nearby that would be great, if he could get some parent chaperones to help out.

This would be the perfect opportunity to see if he really wanted to enter the priesthood.

As he pulled into South Park, Craig risked looking down at the directions he had printed off Mapquest. Luckily it wasn’t too complicated to get to Father Maxi’s house; Craig would meet him there, then they’d go together to the apartment the Church was providing for him.

Craig slowly pulled over in front of a small house and double-checked the address. Yep, this was Father Maxi’s place. He carefully got out of the car, stretching and yawning after his drive. He made his way up the walkway and knocked on the front door.

A moment later, Father Maxi appeared. Craig had only met him once before, during his initial interview in Denver, but he had taken an instant liking to the priest. He had brown hair and kind eyes, and was always warm and friendly whenever they spoke.

“Welcome, Craig!” The priest told him cheerfully, gesturing for him to come in. “How was your drive?”

“It was good, thanks.” Craig respectfully shook Father Maxi’s hand.

“That’s wonderful. Come on in. Please, have a seat anywhere.” The house was neat and clean, with a crucifix and bible verses decorating the walls and plain, comfortable-looking furniture in the living room.

Craig sat on the couch; it was soft, but not too soft, and he sank into it gratefully. Father Maxi sat across from him in an armchair. “So, welcome to South Park! I think you’ll like it here. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have a summer Youth Pastor to help the kids out; Sister Anne is on a pilgrimage, and…” the smile vanished, and Father Maxi looked uncomfortable. “After…well, after that investigation in 2002 when people found out some priest were…” he cleared his throat. “Anyways, I’m very grateful that you’re here. I think a lot of parents will feel better having somebody younger, somebody not as intimidating who can work with the kids and talk to the adults.”

Craig nodded, grateful they didn’t linger on the topic. That scandal had rocked his faith to the core; he still wanted to enter the priesthood eventually, but the revelation of what those horrible men had done…

He quickly moved on. “I’m looking forward to it. I already have some events planned, and if you have the room and are all right with it I’m thinking of turning the church basement or a storage room into a general hangout for kids during the summer, so they can come and talk and visit, or hang out and play cards, or even just a place to hide if they’re being bullied or something.”

Father Maxi nodded. “That sounds great, and I have a storage area you and I can clean out for that.” He rose again, and Craig rose too. “We can talk about that tomorrow though, I’m sure you want to get settled in. We have a house that we use for guests and when we want to have meetings outside of the church; it’s not much, but it’s your own space at least. If you want to follow me in your car, I’ll help you bring your bags up and let you get organized.”

Craig was relieved at that; more than anything he just wanted to have a shower and get take-out or something for dinner.

“On the count of three.” Clyde grunted. “1…2…3…LIFT!”

Groaning, Tweek and Clyde gripped the piano and carefully lifted it up, then carefully started moving. Clyde moved backwards through the door of Tweak Bros, feeling Mr. Tweak’s presence behind him.

“Good job, guys!” Mrs. Tweak said encouragingly. “Now, Tweek, swing around this way. Clyde, step to your right a bit…” she carefully began guiding them back towards the wall. “Back…back…a bit more…and right here!”

The boys carefully put the piano down, gasping for air. Clyde brushed his sweaty hair out of his face. On the other side of the piano, Tweek leaned against the wood, breathing hard.

“Thanks, guys!” Mr. Tweak said cheerfully. “Here, come on, sit down. I’ll get you some water.”

Clyde gratefully sat in one of the plastic chairs, leaning on the table. Tweek slowly made his way over. Mrs. Tweak brought over two bottles of water, and both boys drained them eagerly.

“That’s perfect.” Mrs. Tweak mused, studying the piano. “It fits in nicely against the wall, so customers can play it if they want, or Tweek can use it to practice while he’s at work.”

“Too late.” Tweek moaned. “I can never use my arms again.”

“I hope you like it there.” Clyde commented, resting his head on the table. “It’s never moving from that spot.”

“I can’t believe we got such a good deal on it.” Mr. Tweak commented. “That family must have been really bad at playing piano; they almost paid US to take it!”

“Maybe they just knew it would be hell to move it.” Tweek moaned.

“At least it’s not a grand piano.” Clyde tried to see the upside. It was a smaller one, similar to the one in the South Park High music room.

“Was it busy while we were gone?” Mr. Tweak asked his wife.

She shook her head. “The regulars came in, nothing major. It’s always quiet on Tuesdays. Especially now with school out, we don’t get the high schoolers coming in at lunch.”

Mr. Tweak nodded. “True enough.”

Clyde yawned. Moving that piano had taken almost all his energy. Tweek yawned immediately afterwards, then stood slowly. “What are you doing for dinner, Clyde?”

Clyde shrugged. “Dad’s working late tonight, so I’m on my own. I’ll make a sandwich or something.” He yawned. “I’m going to have a shower first though. You should too; trust me, it’ll make you feel way better.”

Tweek nodded weakly. “That sounds really good. But stay and hang out for a bit first. I’ll cook you something for helping me with that piano.”

Clyde smiled gratefully. “Sounds good.”

Tweek disappeared into the back, leaving Clyde sitting at the table. He was starting to feel better now, although he was still going to have to have a shower when he got home.

The Tweaks were bustling around behind the counter, making fresh coffee and checking their displays. Mr. Tweak emerged again and came up to Clyde.

“Thanks again, Clyde.” He held out his hand. “Here, this is for you.”

Clyde blinked at the bills in his hand. “Really, it’s not that big a deal. Tweek’s cooking for me anyways.”

“Still, you didn’t have to help us like that. I really appreciate it.” Mr. Tweak put the money on the table. “Besides, you’re going to college in a few months; you’ll need money there.”

Clyde smiled gratefully. “Thanks.” He put the money into his wallet as Mr. Tweak went back behind the counter. He grabbed a magazine from the rack the Tweaks kept for customers and started flipping through Sports Illustrated; it wasn’t the swimsuit edition, but it was still good. There was an interview with the Broncos coach, so Clyde flipped to the right page.

He barely paid attention as the door opened again.

Jimmy eased himself out of his car. Leaning against the seat, he grabbed his backpack and put it on, then took his crutches from where they rested on the passenger side. Shutting the door, he looked at the house in front of him. It was a nice white house; it looked like anything you’d see in any small town in America. All it was missing was a picket fence.

Then again, an ordinary house wouldn’t have what this one did inside.

He moved forward, maneuvering up the porch and knocking on the front door. The door opened a minute later, revealing a man in his 30s, with dark hair and a warm smile. “Hi. You must be Jimmy.”

“Hi Mr. Warren.” Jimmy extended one of his hands out of his crutches to shake hands. “It’s g-g-g-good to meet you in person.”

“You too, and call me Ed. Lorraine, Jimmy’s here!” Ed called back, shaking Jimmy’s hand.

A kind-looking woman with brown hair that went down past her shoulders appeared a moment later. “Hello, Jimmy. I’m Lorraine.”

Jimmy shook hands with her as well.

“Please, come in.” She offered.

Jimmy slowly made his way inside the house, looking around curiously. To his surprise, it looked like an ordinary home, obviously well-loved and lived in, with flowers set around the living room. The Warrens guided him to their kitchen table and sat him down.

“We’ve set up a room for you upstairs. It’s our guest room but it’s yours for the summer. It’s next to the computer room too, so you can get started on your work first thing tomorrow.”

“R-right.” Jimmy nodded. “So basically you want me to b-b-build you a website? In addition to my writing about your work?”

It had been a great deal for Jimmy. He was going to the University of Colorado in the fall studying journalism, hoping to be a reporter eventually, but he wanted to have some experience first. He started writing short editorial pieces for different papers and went on to create a blog talking about current events. He had seen his golden opportunity when the Warrens were mentioned on the news one night; they had been involved in a murder case in Connecticut recently where a guy had claimed demons had forced him to murder his friend. Jimmy reached out to them, asking if he could write about their cases, and they had made a deal with him; he could stay with them as an intern and write about what he saw, and in return he would help them set up and manage a website about their work. Jimmy had leapt at the chance, and, well, now he was in Connecticut for the summer.

Token had been furious with him, arguing that “You’re a great journalist. Why would you throw away your entire career to write about those FRAUDS?” Jimmy had answered that he went where the stories were, and if they were frauds he’d have no trouble debunking them. It was one of the worst fights they’d ever had, and he and Token had barely been on speaking terms when Jimmy left town.

“Exactly.” Ed nodded. “We want the real story put out there, rather than what the tabloids are saying.”

Jimmy nodded. “So when do we b-b-begin?”

“Tomorrow.” Lorraine answered. “You just got here, you probably want to take it easy tonight.”

Jimmy smiled gratefully.

“Come on.” Ed headed towards the stairs. “I’ll show you your room.”

Jimmy followed suit, noticing Lorraine disappear. He was grateful that they automatically assumed he was fine with the stairs; he hated it when people thought he needed to be helped around.

Ed led him to the guestroom. Jimmy paused, eyeing a doll sitting on a small table. Ed followed his gaze.

“Sorry, that belongs to our daughter Judy. She doesn’t play with dolls anymore, but sometimes she finds one and just randomly puts it somewhere.”

Jimmy grinned toothily. He wasn’t the neatest person either, although he was going to do his best while he was a guest. “I thought it might b-b-b-b-might b-b-b-I thought it might b-be Annabelle.”

Ed shook his head. He seemed more serious suddenly. “Annabelle is locked away. I’ll show her to you later. The really dangerous stuff is hidden away, you don’t have to worry here.”

Jimmy hadn’t been worried, exactly, but he quickly grasped that Ed didn’t have a sense of humour where the haunted artifacts were concerned. He’d have to watch his jokes while he was here.

A door down the hall opened. “Dad, have you-” Jimmy looked over just in time to see a girl, maybe 14, squeak and quickly shut her door again.

“Judy?” Ed called out, shaking his head. “Do you want to come out and say hi to Jimmy?”

There was no answer. Ed smiled ruefully. “Kids.”

Jimmy nodded, not sure what to say.

The two men went into the bedroom; it had a double bed, a nightstand, and a dresser. It wasn’t much, but it would work well for Jimmy. He didn’t need anything fancy.

Ed gestured around the room. “Feel free to unpack and get comfortable.” He smiled kindly. “The bathroom is right across the hall, if you need it, and the computer room is next door. Otherwise, you can get settled in. Dinner’s at 5, so if you want to come down early and visit feel free, otherwise you can rest and relax, and we’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Thanks.” Jimmy told him gratefully. As Ed disappeared, Jimmy eased himself down onto the bed, letting himself relax. It had been a long drive from South Park! He’d have to email the guys later letting them know he got home safely, and his parents too. For now he just wanted to relax.

When Father Maxi left, Craig found himself alone inside his borrowed home.

He didn’t mind being alone; he’d never had many friends in school, he wasn’t good at meeting people, and it gave him lots of time to focus on his own projects. This was different though; at least in Denver, he knew the city and had his family there. Now Craig was in a small town, by himself, he only knew one person, and to his own surprise he was bored and lonely.

Stretching, he decided to have a shower, then go for a walk and look around town; he had an address for the Church, but it would be good to get to know South Park. Maybe he’d get some ideas for activities for the kids.

Stripping down, Craig made sure to put his clothes in his laundry basket, then dug his shower things out of his bag and got into the shower; the hot water felt fantastic!

Once he was showered, dried off, and wearing clean clothes, Craig felt a million times better. He made sure he had his keys, then locked the door and went outside.

The weather was still nice as he walked down the street, although a bit cool; Craig was glad he put on his favourite blue jacket. He made sure he kept track of where he went; the last thing he needed was to have to call Father Maxi and tell him that he got lost. Once he reached the end of the street, Craig took a small pathway that led to a playground filled with kids. Little kids, probably about kindergarten-aged, were running around chasing each other, and there was a boy, maybe 12 or 13, standing on a cool-looking pirate ship shouting orders at other boys who looked the same age. Craig watched them for a moment curiously, and noted with pleasure that when a smaller kid came by the older boys didn’t give them any trouble.

Another guy came by, about Craig’s age, wearing a green hat and orange jacket, and waved at the black-haired boy who was obviously the captain of the ship. “Ahoy, Maplebeard!” He called out.

“Hi Kyle!” The boy called back cheerfully.

“Time to make port. Admiral Mom says dinner’s ready.” The guy-Kyle-was obviously the kid’s big brother.

“I’ll be home soon!” Maplebeard answered.

Kyle got an annoyed look on his face. “Ike, Mom works hard to make dinner for us, and the least we can do is show up on time. You know, I learned something when I was about your age: when somebody puts their heart into-”

As Kyle began to drone on, Craig noted with amusement that Maplebeard and his friends looked bored and exasperated; he wondered just how many speeches Kyle had given over the years.

Luckily, Craig didn’t have to stay and listen to it. Making a mental note to work up some kind of pirate activity, he kept walking through the basketball court and onto another street. Across the road, he saw a sign for “Freeman’s Tacos”; that could be good! He was getting pretty hungry. If he couldn’t find anything else, he’d head back this way. He kept going up, passing a movie theater, and he saw a coffee shop just past that. He followed the sidewalk north and around the corner, passing a huge house with a uniformed guard at the gate; it was pretty impressive! Craig wondered who lived there.

He passed a place called Raisins, and was horrified to see girls in tight uniforms and skirts when they couldn’t be older than 12; how was that LEGAL?

The next place he came across was an Italian restaurant, the Buca de Faggoncini, but it looked expensive. He had money saved up from previous summer jobs, plus his parents had given him spending money, but he didn’t want to blow it all on one dinner! It would be a few weeks until his first paycheque.

From there, he passed the Peppermint Hippo, a sketchy-looking strip club. It had zero appeal for him; he had no interest in seeing naked women. His biggest secret, the one thing he’d never even spoken of in the confessional, was that he, Craig Tucker, was gay.

The idea of joining the clergy was very appealing to him for many reasons, but one of them was that he wouldn’t have to pretend to like girls anymore, or go on dates or anything. He could live a life of quiet solitude, and nobody would ever know the truth.

Pushing the thoughts of his homosexuality away, Craig passed a microbrewery and spotted a Chinese restaurant, City Wok. His stomach rumbled. Honestly, Chinese food sounded GREAT! It was obviously a good restaurant, there were lots of cars around. He stepped inside and stood near the “please wait to be seated” sign, just behind another guy about his age. Craig scanned the menu; there were a lot of appealing dishes, but some sounded kind of spicy. As an angry looking Asian man appeared, looking at him and the other boy, Craig gave him a moment, then when he realized the man wasn’t going to say anything to them and the other boy didn’t move, he decided to ask. “Excuse me, how hot is the-“

“No substitutions!” The man barked angrily.

Craig blinked. “I wasn’t substituting anything, I was just asking about-”

“No asking! Food comes as is!” The man snapped.

Craig felt himself getting annoyed. “Can’t you just explain-”

“No explanations! Child labor force very busy cleaning dishes! I look after all tables now!” The man turned and walked off. Craig stared after him, trying hard not to flip him off. If he was going to work with kids, he needed to keep his temper under control.

“He’s a dick, but the food is great.”

It took Craig a moment to realize the words were directed at him. He looked over; the other boy was looking back at him, smiling. He was a tall, attractive African-American guy, with an amazing ‘fro and wearing a purple sweater. He wasn’t really Craig’s type, but he was still good-looking. “Oh, thanks.” Craig muttered, not sure what else to say. He was TERRIBLE at talking to people! It was something he was going to have to work on if he was going to be a priest. He was fine talking about specific subjects, like activities or plans, but he had no idea how to have an ordinary conversation.

“The food isn’t spicy here.” The guy continued. “It says ‘hot’ but it’s really mild.”

Craig nodded, trying to think of something to say. “That’s good.” He hesitated, then tried to keep the conversation going. “A few years ago I was eating out in Denver and asked if the soup was spicy. The waitress said no, so I ordered it, and I was pretty much breathing fire afterwards!”

The guy laughed. Craig was relieved that he hadn’t made a major mistake. “Are you from Denver, then?”

“Yeah. I’m just here for the summer.” Craig nodded. “You’re from around here?” Stupid question. Of COURSE this guy was from around here, he had just talked about this restaurant and had obviously eaten here before.

Luckily the guy didn’t seem to care that Craig sounded like an idiot. “Yeah. I’ve been here for about 8 years now.”

“Cool.” Craig nodded, not knowing what else to say.

The cranky Asian man reappeared. “Ok, table for one ready.” He pointed at the other guy, then looks at Craig. “No tables for you yet. Restaurant full! Come back one hour!”

“OK…” Craig wondered if the taco place was any good; maybe he’d go there instead.

The guy looked at him and seemed to hesitate. “Are you by yourself?”

“Yeah.” Craig nodded.

“Want to join me?” The other guy offered.

Craig was stunned. He would NEVER have the courage to invite a stranger to dinner! He hesitated, but ultimately hunger won over social awkwardness. “Sure, thanks.”

The Asian man led them to a table and sat them down, then hurried away.

“I’m Token Black, by the way.” Token reached his hand over the table.

Craig couldn’t have heard the name right. “Craig Tucker, nice to meet you.” They shook hands. “Did you say ‘Token’?”

Token laughed again. “It’s a long story, but yes.” He should his head. “To really simplify it, my father loves Lord of the Rings and wanted to name me after the author. For reasons passing understanding, he named me ‘Tolkien’ after JRR Tolkien instead of something normal like ‘Sam’ after one of the characters.” He shook his head. “I don’t even LIKE Lord of the Rings. Anyways, this kid at school thought my name was Token, not Tolkien, and when we found out my friends started making fun of me and calling me Token. It just stuck from there.”

Craig nodded. “That’s cool.” He actually enjoyed fantasy novels like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter but decided not to bring that up.

“So what brings you to town?” Token asked curiously.

“Work.” Craig answered. “I’m a Youth Pastor at the Catholic Church.”

Token looked confused. “I thought you had to be an actual priest for that?”

Craig was surprised that Token had caught that. “You do actually. The title is Youth Pastor, but I’m not actually a pastor; I’m more like an activities director. I’m running programs for young people this summer and educating them on Catholicism and Christianity, doing things like bible studies.”

“Cool.” Token nodded. “I’ll see you at Church on Sundays then, I go with my parents.”

Craig was pleased to hear that he’d know somebody else there. “Do your friends go, too?” He asked.

“My friend Jimmy normally comes with me, but he’s out of town for the summer for…well, never mind.” Token seemed almost annoyed at whatever Jimmy was doing. “Tweek is a Buddhist-”

“Tweek?” Craig interrupted, confused.

Token looked amused. “Yep. That’s not a nickname either, that’s his real name.” He shook his head. “And my friend Clyde became an atheist after his mom died.”

Craig could understand that, but he felt bad for Clyde. He made a mental note to pray for Clyde’s mom from now on.

“What about you?” Token asked. “What are your friends like back in Denver?”

Craig shook his head, embarrassed. “I don’t really have any.” Desperate to change the subject, Craig decided to ask Token more about himself. “So I’m alone because I don’t have friends in town yet. How come you’re on your own tonight?”

“My parents are out of town for the week. They’re at a business meeting in Denver.” Token explained. “And Tweek and Clyde were stuck moving a piano today, so I think they’re at home recovering.” He smirked. “I think it’s the first time I’ve been grateful to be at work all day. I work at my dad’s company.” He shrugged. “Anyways, I decided to be lazy and just eat out tonight.”

They ordered food, and to Craig’s surprise and pleasure Token bowed his head while he said grace. They dug in, and as Token had said it was fantastic. Craig wolfed down most of his food, and make sure to get a box for the rest of it. It was surprisingly easy talking to Token, and they had a good conversation while they ate.

As they left, Token looked at him. “You doing anything tomorrow night?”

“Not really.” Craig answered with a shrug.

“You should come over to my house. I’m having a game night with Clyde and Tweek, we usually play Mario Kart on my Gamecube, and we need a fourth.” Token smiled warmly.

Craig was shocked. He had made a friend! “Sure.” He nodded cooly, keeping his emotions under control. “Sounds like fun.”

“Awesome!” Token pulled out his receipt and a pen, and scribbled something down. “This is my address. It’s the big house over that way, I’ll leave your name with the guard. Come over around 6.”

Craig barely kept his mouth from falling open. That was TOKEN’S house?! That huge mansion?! He forced himself to nod. “Sounds good, see you then.”

Chapter Text

Tweek was laying on his bed reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix when he heard the telltale sound of a new message on MSN. Marking his page, he rolled off the bed and navigated through the labyrinth of paper coffee cups, books, clothes, and CDs to get to his computer. The message turned out to be from Token and appeared their group chat.

Token: I met a new guy in town today.
Token: I invited him to play Mario Kart with us tomorrow.

Tweek blinked in surprise. Token had invited a new guy?

Jimmy: Replacing me already, Token?
Jimmy: Is he crippled too?
Jimmy: If you’re the token black, am I the token cripple?
Jimmy: I’m hurt.

Tweek snorted with laughter.

Tweek: You’re irreplaceable Jimmy.
Tweek: Have you seen any ghosts or demons yet? Don’t bring any home!

As soon as he sent that, Tweek winced. Token had made it clear from beginning that the Warrens were either crazy or outright frauds, and he was convinced that by working for them Jimmy was giving them some legitimacy and ruining his own future in reporting. It had almost come to a fistfight one night, with Tweek shoving Jimmy into a chair and stealing his crutches while Clyde kept Token in a half-nelson hold as their friends screamed at each other. It had been one of the scariest nights of Tweek’s life! The last thing he wanted was to accidentally restart that fight.

Luckily Token let the moment pass.

Token: He seems cool. He’s an activities director at the church this summer, working with Father Maxi.
Jimmy: Cool. If he’s a serial killer, I call dibs on writing the book.

Clyde hadn’t chimed in yet, which wasn’t surprising; after they moved that piano, he was probably taking pictures of his muscles and emailing them to Bebe. He’d been head over heels for her ever since they were kids! He was probably talking himself up and bragging about lifting the piano by himself or something.

Opening a separate chat, Tweek reached out to Jimmy directly.

Tweek: So how are the Warrens? What’s it like there?
Jimmy: Not bad. They seem normal. I haven’t seen the creepy stuff yet though, that’s tomorrow!
Jimmy: Now I’m just settling in.

Tweek and Jimmy talked about his job a bit more; Tweek was grateful that Jimmy hadn’t seen anything scary yet. He was much happier knowing that haunted stuff was in Connecticut!

Helen frowned as she studied the back wall of the storage room. That was odd; things were out of order, and a box lay on the floor. She began to tidy up, making a mental note to talk to Tweek about cleaning up after himself.

“Everything’s closed!” Richard announced cheerfully, stepping into the room. “The cash is counted and locked away, tables are wiped clean, food has been put away, and the coffee machines are cleaned and ready for tomorrow.” He studied the storage room. “What happened here?”

Helen shook her head. “Tweek probably dug out snacks for his friends. I swear, the boys come here and it’s like a Viking raid on our store room!” Both Richard and Helen laughed together. “I’ll have to remind him to clean up when he’s done.”

There was a tinkle of music from the shop, as if somebody had played the piano for a moment. Both Helen and Richard looked over in surprise at the door.

“Didn’t you say it’s all clear?” Helen asked him.

“I thought it was.” Richard answered, stepping to the door. “Is somebody out there?”

No answer. Helen joined Richard as they stepped out. The shop seemed totally quiet; of course it was only 7, but nobody ever came for coffee after work so they closed down at 6 PM every day. The chairs were on the table as expected, the counters were spotless. The piano was against the wall, the white keys standing in beautiful contrast to the brown wood.

“That’s funny, I thought I closed that.” Richard stepped over quickly and put the cover over the keys.

They checked the washrooms quickly, but there was no sign of anybody.

“Maybe it came from outside.” Helen suggested.

Richard shrugged. “Maybe. Nobody’s here, anyways. Let’s head out.”

With one final look around, Helen set the alarm and they left out the front door, making sure to lock it behind them.

The next day started out like any other.

Tweek stumbled out of bed later than normal, did his morning yoga and meditations, then opened his bedroom door to the smell of coffee. Following it as though hypnotized, not even bothering to put pants on first, Tweek almost floated down the stairs in his boxers. Totally ignoring Mom as she said something, he picked up the coffee pot, tilted his head back, and started pouring the coffee directly down his throat.

“Hey!” Mom hurried to his side and swatted him on the butt with a spatula. “Use a mug!”

“It tastes better directly out of the pot!” Tweek protested, reluctantly putting the coffee pot back in the machine. At least he’d drank a few cups worth before Mom stopped him.

“Honestly, where do you get this from?” Mom demanded, sounding exasperated. “You come down here in your underwear and start chugging coffee from the pot. Where did you learn your manners?”

At that moment, Dad appeared, wearing just his boxers. “Oh, good.” He muttered, before pouring coffee straight into his mouth. Tweek looked knowingly at his mom.

“Richard!” Mom complained, shaking her head.

“What?” Dad asked, lowering the pot and looking at her in confusion. Tweek giggled.

Mom sighed, then suddenly looked at Tweek. “Oh, before I forget, you left the storeroom messy last night.”

“The storeroom?” Tweek blinked. Was he supposed to clean it? That wasn’t on his list of duties this week; Mom and Dad liked to make sure he did some of everything so they changed his chore list weekly.

“Yeah.” Mom nodded. “We went in last night and there were a few boxes on their sides or not in the right spot. We don’t mind if you get things for your friends but try to keep it in order please.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Tweek protested. “I didn’t go in the storeroom at all last night!” He really hadn’t; after moving that piano and making Clyde dinner, he hadn’t had the energy to do anything else! He just came back home, talked to his friends on messenger, then lay in bed.

Mom sighed, looking annoyed. “Just clean up after yourself, would you?” She sounded frustrated. “Now both of you go get cleaned up and dressed, so we can get to work.”

After saying his morning prayers, having a shower, and eating leftover Chinese food for breakfast, Craig got to work. He sat at the table in his borrowed home, carefully making notes for different programs and events. Depending on the kids ages, he was thinking of staging a mock pirate battle at the playground. He could also set up a scavenger hunt; actually, what if he set out a huge one and gave them the whole summer to finish it? That could give them something to do when they’re not actually at church.

He didn’t need to go to the church until the afternoon, so after working for a while he decided to go out for a late breakfast and get some coffee. He made a mental note to go grocery shopping afterwards; he couldn’t afford to eat out all the time. There was a coffee shop he’d seen near the theater last night, maybe it was a good morning to check it out. He thought about calling Token but decided not to bug him yet; he’d call later and confirm he still wanted to hang out tonight.

He walked through the playground again; it was quieter this time, with Maplebeard from yesterday playing basketball with his friends. Another group of kids were sitting on a picnic table; they wore black clothes and were smoking. One guy had a cane, and another had a splash of red in the middle of his black hair. A woman was smoking using a long cigarette holder, like something from an old movie, and wore a long black dress with mesh sleeves and a large cross around her neck. The final guy was smaller than the rest, looking about 11-12ish, wearing a black turtleneck and black jeans. He was the only one not smoking. They looked at Craig icily as he passed, and Craig decided not to push his luck by talking to them.

A few turns later, and Craig made it to the shop, Tweak Bros. That name meant something to him. He frowned, then remembered Token mentioning his friend Tweak. That must be his last name; that made way more sense than a first name. Opening the door, he stepped inside as a bell announced his presence.

The shop was pleasant, with huge windows letting in sunlight and a pastry display stocked with cakes, brownies, cupcakes, donuts, bagels, sandwiches, everything you could ask for. A piano stood against the wall, with a boy playing it; Craig gave him a cursory glance, not really paying attention as he made his way to the counter.

“Welcome, customer.” A man with a nametag saying RICHARD smiled warmly at him. “How can I help you?”

Craig scanned the pastry display. “Can I please get a chocolate croissant, a toasted everything bagel with cream cheese, and a coffee?”

“Sure thing, customer.” Richard answered; his voice was strangely dreamy, like he was lost in another world. Craig decided not to think about it and paid his bill, then took his food and sat at an empty table against the wall. Bending his head, Craig quietly said grace, then took a bite of his bagel.

The piano music was really good; it was a pleasant, upbeat jazz tune. Craig glanced over at the boy playing, looking at him properly this time…and froze.

It was an angel.

His hair was a shining halo of pure gold in the sunlight. Craig couldn’t see his eyes to tell what color they were, but he was staring at the keys in total concentration. His skin was pale and flawless, and his hands were small and elegant. Craig couldn’t his eyes off the boy. His food and coffee were totally forgotten as he stared; the boy’s smallest moves were fascinating.

As the music finished, Craig applauded without thinking of it. To his surprise, the boy gave a shocked gasp, leaping up in a panic and spinning frantically as though afraid he was under attack. His eyes fell on Craig and widened slightly as Craig gazed at him. The boy was shorter than him, with messy blond hair that stuck up randomly as though he had pulled or twisted it. He had a friendly face, although there was a general nervousness in his brilliant emerald green eyes, and Craig noticed that he was shivering; it wasn’t that cold, but the boy was shaking nonstop, as though he was freezing or scared. His green shirt was misbuttoned, leaving a cute little patch of his stomach visible. His gorgeous eyes seemed to dart all around the coffee shop. When they landed on Craig, the boy let out a tiny squeak.

The boy was adorable; he was a strange combination of friendliness and fear, of being a total mess yet somehow completely put together. Craig had the weirdest urge to scoop him up in his arms.

He quickly banished the idea from his head. He had spent YEARS supressing that part of himself. The last thing he needed was to out himself and give in when he was on the verge of dedicating himself solely to God.

The boy was still staring at him, and Craig forced his eyes down. “Sorry, I just liked your playing.” He explained.

The boy twitched and let out a growl, then gripped his hair tightly. “It’s OK, I just, gnnngh, got startled!” He had an odd way of speaking; it was like he was constantly gasping or panicked. He looked around for a moment, and Craig was entranced; the wild, untamed blonde hair caught the light perfectly, looking like pure gold as the boy gripped it tightly.

Craig suddenly realized he had said something, but he’d been too lost in his hair to explain. “Uh, what?” He asked uncertainly, hoping it wasn’t important.

The boy growled again, hiding his face in his hands. Craig eyed him, not sure what was going on, but strangely curious to figure it out.

The moment dragged on; Craig had no idea what to do.

“GAH!” The boy suddenly let out a cry and spun, charging away at full speed. Craig stared as the boy fled and disappeared into the bathroom, slamming the door closed. Craig felt horrible; he hoped he hadn’t done something to frighten him.

Should he apologize? Offer to buy him coffee? How was Craig supposed to handle this? He wished Tricia was here, she was much better with people than him. Craig stared helplessly at the bathroom door.

“Hey Craig!” A voice came from the entrance. Craig blinked and turned, then sighed with relief.

“Hi Token!” Craig waved at his new friend; Token was accompanied by another guy wearing a letterman jacket, obviously a jock of some kind, with shaggy brown hair.

The two guys came over. “This is Clyde.” Token introduced the boy next to him. “And this is Craig, he’s the guy I was telling you about.”

“What up, dude?” Clyde offered him a fist, and Craig fist-bumped him.

“Mind if we join you?” Token asked.

Like Craig was going to turn him down, after Token invited him for dinner last night. “Sure.” He gestured towards the empty seat.

“Awesome. We’re just getting food and be right with you.” Token nodded.

As they went to the counter, Craig glanced at the bathroom door. Nobody had come out yet. Should he knock on the door? Or just leave him alone?

Clyde reappeared a few moments later, dropping into a chair and putting down a plate with a mug and a plate with a piece of chocolate cake, and Token was right behind him with a mug and a brownie. They sat around the small table, both boys looking at him; Craig was nervous about being the center of attention, but Token seemed nice enough and Clyde was the type of guy who radiated friendliness; he reminded Craig a bit of a puppy, eager to play and make new friends.

“How’s it going?” Token asked him.

“Not bad.” Craig nodded. He hesitated, then carefully spoke again. “Umm…I’m not sure how to put this…”

“What’s up?” Clyde asked curiously.

“I just had something kind of strange happen.” Craig glanced at the bathroom door again. “So, there was this guy playing the piano. I told him I liked it, and he…” Craig didn’t know how to explain it, but to his surprise both Token and Clyde exchanged understanding looks.

“Messy blonde hair?” Clyde asked. “Misbuttoned shirt, twitching?”

“Yeah?” Craig nodded. Was the boy well known in town or something?

Token sighed. For a moment Craig was worried he’d said something wrong, but Token’s voice was understanding. “That’s Tweek, the other guy I mentioned. He’s…” Token seemed to search for the right word. “He can be a bit paranoid at times.”

“A bit?” Clyde looked at Token in surprise. “Last year he thought a substitute teacher was a CIA agent working to overthrow the Student Council and instill a military dictatorship.”

Token shot Clyde a look. “He’s got anxiety and he’s kind of paranoid, but he’s really a great guy and a good friend.” He looked around the restaurant. “Is he in the back now?”

“Actually he ran into the bathroom and hasn’t come out.” Craig pointed out the door the boy-Tweek-was hiding behind.

Standing up, Token walked in that direction and knocked on the door. Craig felt bed about scaring Tweek, but to his surprise Clyde looked amused. Clearly he was used to this sort of thing.

Gripping the sink, Tweek gasped for air, hyperventilating. He had ruined everything! Hot Guy was probably going to tell his friends about the crazy loser at the coffee shop, and then his friends would come and make fun of Tweek and his parents would fire him for distracting customers and he wouldn’t be able to afford school and he’d be stuck working at the theatre or something for the rest of his life and-

Tweek screamed as somebody knocked on the door.

“Tweek?” Token. Thank God. “Tweek, are you OK in there?” Token’s voice was calm and reassuring.

Tweek took a few deep breaths. “Yeah, just need to, gnngh, find my center!” He cried out.

“OK. When you’re up to it, come on out. That guy was Craig, he’s the one I told you about.” Token told him.

Tweek’s eyes widened. Hot Guy was Craig?! He was going to have to sit down next to that gorgeous man and have a real conversation?! That was WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE!

“Let me just meditate!” Tweek squawked. Bending over, he splashed cold water on his face, then took a few deep breaths. Closing his eyes, he imagined himself in a green paradise; there were cute animals around him, and a river ran just ahead, the clear water sparkling in the sunlight. He took several deep breaths, feeling his heart slow down to a normal rate. It was peaceful. He could do this.

He opened his eyes again. To his horror, there was a strange figure right behind him! It was the image of a small boy, smiling wickedly. Tweek spun, screeching, but there was nobody there! He spun back around, but nobody was in the mirror. Tweek took several more breaths. Get it together, you gay disaster! Obviously that was just him hallucinating in a panic. He just needed more coffee.

With a final look in the mirror, Tweek emerged cautiously. Craig was at a table, still looking unfairly hot, with Token and Clyde talking to him. Craig’s eyes flipped up to him for a moment, then back to Clyde; Tweek was grateful that Craig had clearly decided not to call attention to Tweek’s lunacy.

His parents looked at him with concern, but Tweek waved them off and sat down with his friends. Token smiled reassuringly at him.

“Tweek, this is Craig. Craig, this is Tweek, the other guy I mentioned. He’ll be playing with us tonight.”

Sweet Jesus, how could Tweek have forgotten? It was hard enough sitting in a coffee shop with Craig, but he had to sit next to him on a couch?!

“Nice to meet you.” Craig’s face was expressionless, but he reached out a hand. Tweek took it cautiously, feeling tingles as their hands touched.

“Nice to, gnngh, meet you too!” Tweek told him, flushing as he twitched again.

“Oh, Tweek as in Tweak Bros.” Craig seemed to click in. “So this is your parents shop then?”

“Yeah.” Tweek twitched. “It’s named for my uncle and my dad, they’re partners!”

“That makes sense.” Craig nodded. “So…Token mentioned your name is Tweek as well? So is it ‘Tweek Tweak’?”

Tweek flushed. Clyde choked on his coffee, grinning, and Token looked at Tweek, obviously curious how he would answer. “Yeah, except my first name has two ‘e’s in it instead of ‘ea’.” He looked at the table, embarrassed. “My parents are weird.”

“I think it’s cool.” Craig told him. Tweek looked up in surprise. “It’s unique, I like it.”

Tweek turned redder, not knowing what to say.

Luckily, Clyde spoke up so Tweek didn’t have to think of anything. “I was just saying that Craig’s the new Jimmy!” Clyde announced.

“Where’s the old Jimmy?” Craig asked, sounding curious. “Token didn’t really say last night.”

“He’s got a summer job.” Tweek was nervous again, not wanting to get into it.

“It’s not a job.” Token snapped.

“Don’t get into it!” Clyde’s voice is firm. Craig looked confused, and Clyde glanced at him. “It’s a long story and it’s just going to get us fighting. He’s got a…” Clyde glanced at Token, as though debating what to say. “…a project he’s getting paid to work on, and Token doesn’t like it. It’s a whole thing.”

Craig nodded, apparently losing interest. Or just deciding to avoid the drama. Tweek realized he probably thought they were insane! Even though he was hardly a model of sanity, Tweek decided to try to get them back on track. “I’m glad you liked my piano music!” He smiled uncertainly. “I’m always nervous playing in front of people.”

“It was impressive.” Craig looked at Token and Clyde. “It was this really cool jazz music!” He looked back at Tweek. “Do you only play jazz?”

“I play some of everything!” Tweek squawked.

“Show him what you were playing last night!” Clyde encouraged him.

Flushing, Tweek rose and walked to the piano. Taking a deep breath, he started playing the theme to “Pirates of the Caribbean”. He lost himself in the music again, and almost forgot about the others until Craig applauded him when he was finished. Tweek sat down nervously, but all three guys looked impressed.

Tweek decided to take the plunge. “Do you play anything?” He asked.

Craig shook his head. “I’m not very good at music.”

The words came out before Tweek could stop them. “Maybe I can show you sometime?”

To his relief, Craig almost smiled. “I’d like that.” Suddenly Craig looked at his watch and frowned. “I’m sorry, I hate to leave, but I have to get to the church to meet Father Maxi.” Craig actually sounded disappointed! Tweek took that as a good sign.

“Sure.” Token nodded easily. “You still coming tonight?” As Craig nodded, Tweek felt a wave of relief wash over him. Token smiled warmly. “Great! Come by about 6, we’ll order pizza and game all night. Any allergies or anything?”

“Nope.” Craig stood up, looking reluctant to end things. “I’m good with anything.”

“Great! See you tonight!” Tweek told him happily.

As Craig left, both Token and Clyde grinned knowingly at Tweek. He turned bright red and got up, heading behind the counter.

As he and Father Maxi cleaned out the storage room, all Craig could think about was Tweek. His eyes were blue, and deep as the ocean, and he was the strangest combination of strength and fear. Tweek was like a puzzle, and Craig badly wanted to solve it and figure him out.

Forcing his mind back onto the task at hand, Craig began discussing his plans. “I’m thinking that I can turn this into a hangout for kids, set up a video game system, some board games, and put up some books for kids to read.” Craig was picturing it in his head. “Maybe I can hang out here as a sort of drop-in service, kids can stop by when they have nowhere else to go or just need to talk.”

“That’s a good idea.” Father Maxi nodded approvingly. “Have you thought about any special activities yet?”

“A few.” Craig remembered the playground. “I saw a pirate ship at a playground, I’m thinking that once I have some regulars I’ll set up a mock battle, pirates vs soldiers, have the pirates raid a town and the other kids defend it or something.” Another idea came into his head. “Or set up a series of clues to find a pirate treasure or something, the kids go on the ship and find a map or a riddle, then have to go around town. Maybe I can ask some local businesses to get involved as well.”

Father Maxi looked pleased. “That’s a great idea! Maybe we can set up an escape room or something too, using biblical puzzles.”

Before Craig could answer Tweek appeared in his mind again. He was sitting at the piano, looking like a holy vision. Michaelangelo should have sculpted him. Suddenly it hit him. “What about music?” He suggested. “If we can get our hands on some instruments, maybe we can arrange for local musicians to teach the kids some simple tunes, or else just let them play.”

“Good idea!” The priest looked thrilled. “You should call some of the schools, see if there’s any way we can get their instruments for the summer.”

Craig was getting excited! So far his summer job was getting off to an excellent start. Hmmm…maybe Tweek could teach piano or something? He’d have to talk about that later on.

“Father?” If anybody could help him, it was Father Maxi.

“Yes, my son?” Father Maxi’s voice was warm and friendly.

“Have you ever been tempted into sin?” Craig felt ridiculous for asking so bluntly, but he didn’t like beating around the bush.

“We all have.” Father Maxi’s voice was friendly, without a hint of judgement. Craig was grateful to him for that. “Remember, even Our Saviour was tempted by Satan. To be tempted is to be human. It’s how we handle our temptations that matters.”

“How do you deal with it?” Craig asked. Better to figure out a way now before it gets even harder to deal with his Tweek problem.

“By reminding myself that I’m only human, that it’s normal and healthy to be tempted. But through God’s grace I stay on my path. Whenever temptation comes, always ask yourself: are you somebody who just gives in whenever the opportunity presents itself for sin, or do you stay strong and righteous in the path of the Lord?”

Craig wasn’t sure what to make of that, but he decided not to pursue it for now.

As they finished up, Father Maxi looked at his watch. “It’s getting late, it’s 4:30 now. Want to call it here?” He asked. “Tomorrow’s Saturday, so I’m not in, but let’s get together Sunday after mass to talk more about your summer plans.”

“Sounds great!” Craig was relieved. He was hot and sweaty now, and he had just enough time to go back, have another shower, then go to Token’s house. He was really looking forward to getting to know these guys better.

Especially Tweek.

Chapter Text

Jimmy was fascinated. Ed had given him a lot of their old case files and recordings, and Jimmy had been reviewing them for most of the day. He was jotting down notes and designing the new web site; he was planning a general site about the Warrens, detailing what they did, contact information, links to church organizations, information on ghosts and demons, and the pièce de resistance would be all their verified cases, set up in easy to navigate links so people could review them one by one, or just go to the one they found the most interesting or relevant.

He couldn’t WAIT until he saw some of the cursed items; Ed had forbidden him from going into the garage where everything was stored, and Jimmy wasn’t willing to defy him on that. He could be a rebel, and he’d played his share of pranks and broken more than a few rules in school, but he could tell that Ed and Lorraine had almost no sense of humour where their work was concerned. He wasn’t sure whether they were right about demons, serious but mistaken, liars, or just crazy, but he didn’t intend to find out by blowing up his internship.

He didn’t see Judy very often; once or twice he’d seen her out of the corner of his eye, but when he tried to talk to her she disappeared. He wondered if she was just freaked out about his disability; she wouldn’t be the first person he met who got uncomfortable talking to a handicapable person.

“Jimmy?” Jimmy turned to see Lorraine standing in his door, smiling. “What do you think?”

“They’re fascinating.” He looked down at the file he was holding. “I’m j-j-just reading about that family in the UK, with the ghost of the old m-man. So, I don’t get it; this demon…is it OK if I say it’s n-n-name?”

Lorraine shook her head. “It’s not a good idea.”

Jimmy nodded. “So, this thing g-g-grabs this guy’s spirit and makes him h-h-haunt the house. Then sends you v-v-visions of Ed dying. Why?”

Lorraine sighed. “There’s no good answer. Demons are creatures of pure evil, of chaos. There is no ‘why’. This demon and I have a history, so it was looking for revenge against us. As for why it chose them…” She shook her head. “We’ll never know.”

Jimmy wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he decided to change the subject. “I have some ideas for the website.” He showed her some of his designs on the computer. Lorraine peered over his shoulder curiously as he began to describe his plans. She looked a bit lost but still interested.

“Have you started writing your articles yet?” She asked.

“Not yet.” Jimmy shook his head. “I want to g-go through the f-f-f-the f-f-the files more, then I have specific questions for you.”

“Ask away.” Lorraine smiled at him.

Jimmy began talking about some of the more interesting cases, and Lorraine seemed happy to fill him in and explain some of the weirder details.

“Have you ever found something that t-t-t-turned out to b-be innocent?” He asked.

“More often than not, it turns out to be nothing.” Lorraine answered. “Old pipes creaking, or the right sequence of doors and windows makes a wind tunnel that moves things around. True demonic hauntings are rarer than Hollywood pretends.”

Jimmy nodded understandingly. It was interesting that Lorraine discounted most hauntings; if they were frauds, he would expect her to talk about how demons were everywhere. Of course, it wasn’t proof of anything, but it was still an interesting note. If she was a fraud, it was a very clever move on her part.

He asked her a few more questions, making some notes as they talked. One way or another, he was going to have a VERY interesting summer.

Ed joined them partway through, and they talked about some of their cases, how they had met, and when they had first started working together on demons.

“Do you want to see some of the haunted stuff now?” Ed asked.

Jimmy lit up. THIS was what he had been most excited about! “Sure!”

Ed led him to the special room where they kept the artifacts. Picking up a small bottle, he turned to Jimmy. “I’m just going to bless us both with Holy Water first.”

Jimmy nodded and stood passively as Ed sprinkled them both with the water and spoke something in Latin. Although he hated to admit it, Jimmy was starting to feel a bit afraid!

Ed opened the door and led the way inside. “Well, here it is.” Ed waved his hands grandly. “Everything in this room is either haunted or cursed. Careful, don’t touch anything.”

Jimmy nodded, peering eagerly at the shelves. There was an old clapping monkey toy; a bizarre cup of some kind, like you’d see in a Halloween store, but somehow more authentic; an old bridal veil; a pair of glass eyeballs in a small, red-lined case; a spooky looking puppet; a pearl necklace…it was kind of like an antique flea market for the damned.

“I have s-s-so many questions.” Jimmy looked at Ed. “Do you have a list of what case everything is from? This would be a g-g-great section for the webpage; we c-c-could post images of everything with links to the cases.”

“I remember most of it, and they should be in the files I gave you.” Ed answered. “That’s a good idea.”

Jimmy started to ask something else when he saw her.

This was Annabelle. There was no mistaking it. The porcelain doll somehow managed to look sinister even when sitting still, locked in a glass case. A sign on the front warned him not to open it under any circumstances.

“That’s Annabelle.” Ed told him unnecessarily, stepping out of the way. Jimmy carefully moved close to the case, peering in excitedly.

“D-d-does she ever move in there?” Jimmy asked.

Ed nodded. “Sometimes we’ll be cleaning or something and see that she’s very slightly changed her view, or shifted a bit. She stays put though; before we secured her in her case people reported her moving from room to room, but they always find her in a new location. Nobody’s ever caught her actually walking around.”

“C-c-cool.” Jimmy straightened up. Did her eyes follow him, or was that just his imagination?

“This one here-” Ed pointed out a small circular box on the shelf. “-is a music box we took from a house in Rhode Island. It was being haunted by the spirit of a witch who committed suicide there.” He shifted, looking uncomfortable. “It was a really nasty case. We have the file, but…we might ask you not to do anything with that one for now.”

Jimmy was baffled. What could possibly have happened that frightened Ed so much?

“This one here-” Ed pointed out another object, an old children’s toy that Jimmy recognized would spin and show pictures, “-is from a recent case in the UK. A girl was possessed, and we had to exorcise her. It was kind of a controversial case, but it would make a good story.” Jimmy recognized the story he had asked Lorraine about earlier but decided not to push Ed for now.

They moved on as Ed pointed out a few other things, then he suddenly pointed at the weird goblet thing Jimmy had noticed earlier. “This one…that’s something you’ll want for sure.”

Jimmy peered at it curiously. “What is it?”

“That, Jimmy, is a goblet from the Satanic Altar used in our most famous case. That was used to put the demonic curse on David Glatzel, which then passed to Arne Johnson.” Jimmy’s eyes widened. He knew that name. That was what first brought the Warrens to his attention.

“That was used in the case in Connecticut. The only known time in American history where somebody pled not guilty by reason of demonic possession.”

Jimmy stared in awe. He had thought Annabelle was cool, but this…this was from the “The Devil made me do it” case!

Tweek bustled around Token’s living room, trying to make everything perfect. He had coffee brewing in the kitchen; he had mixed in a few cardamom seeds with the coffee grounds to add an extra kick. There was a plate of crackers, cheese, and sliced pepperoni ready and waiting in the fridge, along with a bowl of fresh fruit. On the counter were Tupperware containers filled with freshly made cookies and cupcakes. He really hoped Craig would enjoy it; it was critical that he have fun tonight but since he wasn’t sure what Craig liked he tried to make lots of options.

Tweek twitched hard, squeezing a pillow tightly. This was WAY too much pressure!

“I knew it. You’re in love!”

Tweek spun around. Token was leaning against the wall, looking amused. “I’m not!” He protested.

“Come on dude, you’re making special coffee, you brought tons of snacks, you’re reorganizing my living room, and you’re panicking.” Token pointed out.

“I’m just making sure everything’s ready for Clyde.” Tweek tried to deflect.

“Clyde’s going to throw himself onto whatever piece of furniture can hold him, he doesn’t care about coffee, and he’ll eat anything; the man is a vacuum cleaner. Hell, we’ve seen him chug BBQ sauce! You never put this much effort in for him.”

“Ok.” Tweek tried and failed to keep from blushing. “But it’s Craig’s first time hanging out with us, and I want it to go well.”

Token grinned. “Dude, this is what you do when you get a crush. Remember when you liked Scott Malkinson, so you went crazy and baked a ton of cookies and cupcakes for him?”

Tweek turned bright red at the memory. He’d filled up Scott’s locker with baking, and it turned out Scott couldn’t even eat them because he was diabetic!

“Tweek, it’s fine.” Token said reassuringly, patting him on the shoulder. “If he’s gay, Clyde and I can be your wingmen and get you two together! If he’s straight, we’ll get you so drunk you forget he exists.”

Tweek snorted with laughter, feeling more secure.

It meant the world to him that his friends were so cool with him being gay. He had spent YEARS dealing with that side of himself, hiding it from the world. He still wasn’t sure how Token had figured it out, but he had invited Tweek over one day and put on Mrs. Doubtfire, then paused it partway through to talk about the gay couple and how great it was to see their love celebrated so plainly, that it wasn’t made out to be a big deal, and then added in a voice that tried and failed to be casual that “I mean, if you or Clyde or Jimmy ever told me you were gay, I’d be fine with that. It’s not a big deal to me.” Tweek had started crying, and after Token hugged him he blurted it out; Token had just kept hugging him and telling him that nothing changed, they were still friends. Tweek would love him forever for that.

Jimmy had been simpler. A few weeks later the three of them were hanging out and Jimmy had been teasing Tweek that he needed to get a girlfriend and get laid. Tweek had hesitantly come out, and Jimmy, without batting an eye, promptly told him to get a boyfriend instead and started teasing him about what guys he might find cute. Clyde had just started asking him whether his arms or ass were better so he knew what to show off for Bebe.

“So what’s the plan?” Token asked. “You just going to ask him directly if he’s gay?”

Tweek shook his head. “No way, man! We barely know him! We can’t just ASK him! That’s WAY too much pressure!” He twitched again.

The doorbell rang. Token went to answer it and Tweek looked around frantically, making sure everything was perfect. He wanted Craig to be impressed!

OH JESUS! Should he stand or sit? If he sat, he might look lazy, but if he stood he might look awkward. He could lean, maybe? What if he slipped though, and fell on his ass in front of Craig? Maybe he could lean with his arms crossed? Or what if he sat down and leaned back? What if he lay on the couch and didn’t pay attention? Or would Craig think that was rude?

He could hear footsteps approaching, and in a blind panic Tweek spun around, grabbed the first book he found off the bookshelf, and flipped it open to a random page. He heard two people enter the room, so he raised his eyes, smiling warmly.

“Hey dude.” Clyde grinned at him.

Tweek tried not to let his disappointment show. “Hey Clyde.”

Clyde’s grin widened. “You were trying to look cool for Craig, weren’t you?”

Tweek flushed and didn’t answer.

Token peered at the title and raised his eyebrows. “You should pick a better book next time.”

“This is one of my favourite books!” Tweek protested.

“Finnegan’s Wake?” Token smirked. “I’ll give you $1000 cash if you can actually read and understand one sentence on that page.”

Tweek looked down pointedly and began reading out loud. “The great fall of the offwall entailed at such short notice the…” he squinted, “…pftjschute…” he took his best attempt at pronouncing it, “…of Finnegan, erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends an unquiring one well to the west in quest of his tumptytumtoes: and their upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out in the park where oranges have been laid to rust upon the green since dev- linsfirst loved livvy.” He stared at the page, wondering if he had had a stroke.

Token looked at him expectantly. Tweek blushed even harder. “OK, I surrender!” He laughed. Token and Clyde burst out laughing as well as Tweek slammed the book closed and returned it to the shelf.

“Bad choice, dude.” Token grinned at Tweek. “That book is IMPOSSIBLE to read. My dad says you need a specialized dictionary and two reference books to understand any of it.”

“Why does your dad even have it?” Clyde looked baffled.

Token shrugged. “He says reading it is an intellectual challenge, and he’s going to finish it eventually.” He looked back at Tweek. “Speaking of finishing things, let’s go back to our last conversation. You like Craig, don’t you?”

Tweek looked down, embarrassed. “How did you know?”

Clyde grinned. “You’re not subtle, dude. If it wasn’t obvious by the way you looked at him, we would have known when you started dancing in the storeroom after you met him.”

Tweek hadn’t thought it was possible for him to blush harder, but he was wrong.

“I can’t wait to tell him about the underpants gnomes!” Clyde teased.

“Don’t you dare!” Tweek screeched, flying at Clyde.

Laughing, Clyde caught him in his arms and spun Tweek around, pinning him against Clyde’s body before tickling him. Giggling madly, Tweek elbowed Clyde, and as Clyde let out a surprised “Ooomph” Tweek wiggled out of his grip and charged at him, trying to take Clyde out at the legs. Clyde caught him again, and this time wrapped his arms around Tweek and lifted him completely off the ground, holding him upside down in the air. Tweek’s legs kicked futilely at the air.

“I’m going to tell him about the gnomes.” Clyde teased again, before starting to sing. “Gotta go to work, work all night, search for underpants hey…”

Tweek let out another screech and swung his legs back, this time wrapping them around Clyde’s head. They both fell to the floor, and Tweek lunged at Clyde again, determined to win. “No!” He howled.

Craig carefully drove up to the guardhouse in front of the mansion. It occurred to him that Token had just been messing with him, but he didn’t think so; Token wouldn’t have made such an effort again this morning if it was just a way to annoy the new guy. Still, he was nervous.

The guard eyed him as he stopped and lowered his window. “Name?”

“Craig Tucker.” Craig looked him in the eye; he wasn’t afraid of anything. “Here to see Token Black.”

The guard nodded. “Go on through.” He pushed a button and the massive gate opened. Craig drove up the long driveway, pulling up to the massive house and parking next to another car. He felt kind of ridiculous, parking his 1998 Ford Taurus next to what looked like the latest Jaguar. Craig couldn’t help but admire it for a moment before going to the door and knocking.

Token opened the door a moment later. Craig could hear weird noises coming from the living room, but Token looked like whatever was going on was normal. “Hey Craig, come on in!” He stepped aside.

Craig toed off his sneakers, lining them up next to the others sitting on a rubber shoe mat against the wall. He shrugged off his coat, revealing his shirt with stars and constellations on it, and hung it on the coatrack next to other coats.

“Am I late?” He asked uncertainly.

“No, you’re right on time!” Token answered cheerfully. “Tweek just wanted to set things up earlier. You’re in for a treat, he’s cooking snacks to go along with the pizza!” Token sounded excited. “He’s amazing in the kitchen, so we always look forward to him making treats.”

“Sounds fantastic.” Craig could barely cook; he could follow a recipe, but he wasn’t very inventive, and his skills didn’t go much further than “put meat on stove/in oven, put potato in microwave”.

“What kind of pizza do you like?” Token led him towards what Craig assumed was the living room.

“I’m not picky.” Craig shrugged. “Whatever you guys like is fine.”

“Sounds good.” Token nodded. “Clyde likes lots of meat, and Tweek’s vegetarian. You can have some of each if you want, Tweek doesn’t mind sharing his.”

Craig mentally filed “Tweek is vegetarian and a good cook” away for later, next to his amazing piano skills.

They entered the living room, and Craig stared. That looked like Clyde from behind, wearing a letterman jacket, and based on the squawking that was Tweek he had in a headlock, struggling wildly.

Craig stared; their current position gave him an incredible view of Tweek’s ass, and he almost drooled at the perfection in front of him. Clyde was attractive too, and so was Token, but something about Tweek just grabbed Craig’s interest and wouldn’t let go.

“Hey, Craig’s here!” Token announced, shaking his head. Craig waved like an idiot as he realized they couldn’t see him from their current positions.

“Very funny.” Tweek’s voice came from under Clyde’s arm. He struggled hard, and his shirt rose up, giving Craig a tantalizing view of his pale skin just over his jeans.

“Hey dudes.” Craig greeted them.

Tweek let out an unholy screech and began pushing at Clyde; Clyde must have loosened his grip, because a moment later Tweek fell backwards onto his ass and stared up at them, his blonde hair standing up wildly.

“Hey man!” Clyde grinned at him.

“Hey.” Craig nodded to him, then hurried forward and offered Tweek a hand to help him up.

Tweek took his hand and pulled himself to his feet, looking embarrassed. “GAH! Hey! I, gnnngh, sorry, it’s his fault!” He elbowed Clyde.

“YOU tackled ME, Tweek.” Clyde pointed out, smirking.

Token glanced at Craig. “Just ignore them, they’re crazy.”

“Good crazy!” Tweek interjected quickly.

“There's a good kind?” Craig asked.

Token chuckled. “Everybody’s crazy in their own way.” He gestured. “Come on, I’ll give you the grand tour. This is the living room, of course, and that door leads to the basement. The kitchen is this way.”

Craig passively followed Token as he led Craig through the massive house, showing him rooms like the library while pointing out his dad’s office but making it clear it was off limits. Tweek and Clyde followed behind them; Craig was disappointed he couldn’t walk next to Tweek but couldn’t figure out how to suggest it without sounding weird. And honestly it was probably smarter to avoid temptation and keep Tweek behind him.

“And THIS is my room.” Token opened the door, and Craig peered inside. The room was huge, with a desk against the wall and an obviously new computer sitting on top. A large TV was against the wall, with a GameCube in front of it and a pile of games, as well as several bean bag chairs. The other end of the room was taken up by a humongous bed. It had to be a king-sized mattress, it was too big to be anything else.

“When Token was a kid he had this awesome race-car bed.” Clyde commented. “I was so jealous of that thing!”

“Cool.” Craig nodded. “I like your setup, man.”

“Thanks.” Token smiled. “I’ll go order the pizzas, if you guys want to set up the game.”

“I should go make food too!” Tweek blurted out.

“Do you need any help?” Craig offered.

“No thanks!” Tweek gasped out before rushing out the door. Craig frowned after him. Shaking his head, Token followed behind.

Clyde grabbed a controller and passed another one to Craig. “You can partner with Tweek, dude. Token and I kick ass together!”

“Sounds good.” Craig nodded. He felt so awkward. What was he supposed to talk about?

Clyde glanced at him. “So do you think the Broncos have a chance next season?”

Good. Football. He knew about football. “Maybe. They had a great season until the Steelers showed up!”

Clyde immediately launched into a discussion about the Broncos chances and draft picks. Craig, grateful to talk about something easy, ended up in a friendly debate with him as they waited for the others.

While they talked, Craig walked around for a few minutes. His attention was caught by the photographs on the wall, and he went over to take a look. Clyde followed on his heels as Craig examined the pictures.

They were of Token taken over several years. Some had people who were probably his parents with him, but other pictures had younger versions of Clyde and Tweek, as well as another boy in a yellow shirt leaning on crutches.

“That’s Jimmy.” Clyde pointed at the boy Craig had just been examining. “He’s out of town for the summer.”

“Did he get a summer job somewhere?” Craig asked curiously. They’d had that weird talk earlier about Jimmy having a job or a project or something and Token had seemed really annoyed about it, but with Token out of the room maybe he’d get some answers.

Luckily Clyde seemed happy to fill him in. “Jimmy got a job working with this couple, one is a demon hunter or something and the other is a psychic. He’s making them a website and going to write about them once he’s finished.”

“Cool…” Craig didn’t know what to say to that. Demons? Psychics?

“Yeah.” Clyde nodded. “Anyways, Token’s pissed because he thinks they’re frauds and that Jimmy helping them go public helps them take advantage of people, so don’t bring it up around Token.”

Ok, now Craig understood why Token hadn’t talked about Jimmy over dinner. “So Jimmy’s a computer guy?”

“Actually, he’s a reporter for the school paper. He wants to be a comedy news host eventually, like Weekend Update on SNL.” Clyde shrugged. “He’s written some good articles.” Suddenly he looked up. “I wonder if Token still has…” Clyde’s voice trailed off as he hurried over to the desk and began rooting through it, then his face lit up. “Here! This one had me on the cover!”

Craig took the paper, staring at the headline. “Local boy gets wish granted on 13th birthday: 100 perogies!” He looked up in amazement. “100 perogies?”

“Yep!” Clyde looked proud of himself. “It was awesome! There was a huge group of us and we had all the perogies we could want! Even with everybody digging in, we had tons of leftovers for days!” He grinned like he was reliving a favourite memory.

Tweek examined the plate of crackers, cheese, and meat, and the other plate full of baking. His heart was racing. He was going to be sitting with the hottest guy he’d ever seen. Playing games with him. Maybe they’d joke around, and laugh, and then Tweek would come off as relatively normal instead of the lunatic spaz he really was!

He jumped and gasped as a hand landed on his shoulder, but it was just Token. Tweek took deep, calming breaths.

“You’re doing great, Tweek.” Token smiled reassuringly at him. “Once he tastes your cooking, he’ll be yours! I mean, Clyde’s as straight as they come, but I swear he’d date you himself if he thought you’d bake for him.”

Tweek smiled gratefully at Token, and took out some of the fruit. “I just want, gnngh, everything to go well.”

When Tweek and Token returned to Token’s room, they found Craig and Clyde in deep discussion about Pirates of the Caribbean and their guesses about the sequel. The two boys were in the middle bean bag chairs, so Tweek hurried over before Token could take the spot next to Craig. “I brought food!” He squawked.

“Awesome!” Clyde leapt to his feet excitedly. Craig had a slight smile on his face, and Tweek basked in the look of happiness. He put the plates on the floor between the chairs, and was pleased that Craig started eating right away.

Suddenly Craig looked up. “Token said you’re a vegetarian?” He asked Tweek.

“That’s one part of Tweek’s craziness.” Clyde joked. Tweek elbowed him again, but he didn’t seem angry.

He twitched and smiled at Craig. “I’m not that crazy.” He was desperate to convince Craig that he was sane.

Craig smiled back at him. “Don’t worry, we’re all mad here.” Tweek giggled, remembering the quote from Alice in Wonderland. “Anyways, thanks. I know you must not like cutting this stuff up since you’re vegetarian.”

Tweek flushed. “It’s fine! I, gnnngh, I like it when people eat my meat!” His face turned bright red when he realized what he’d said. Token and Clyde snorted with laughter. Traitors.

Craig, to his surprise, seemed a bit embarrassed, but didn’t comment.

“I called dibs on Token as my partner!” Clyde told him. “You and Craig can play with each other.”

Ok, that was deliberate. Between wrestling with him when Craig was there and making that joke, Clyde was going to PAY.

Tweek shot Clyde a look promising vengeance. Apparently Craig misread it as unhappiness, because he smiled slightly at Tweek, looking nervous. “Don’t worry, dude. I’m pretty good, I won’t hold you back.”

Tweek smiled softly back at him. “Do you like driving or shooting?”

“Either.” Craig shrugged. “I’m good with anything.”

“Cool.” Tweek nodded. “You drive, I’ll shoot!”

At the character selection screen, Tweek immediately selected Toad. He always liked Toad; he seemed kind of nervous but still adventurous, just like him. Craig went with Mario.

As usual, Clyde immediately went for Princess Peach, while Token grabbed Princess Daisy. “Princess Power!” They cheered, high-fiving eagerly.

Craig smiled softly at Tweek and nudged him. “We got this.” He told Tweek. Tweek smiled eagerly at him.

The race started, and all four boys leaned forward, eyes narrowed with determination.

Roger Donovan sighed as he drove through South Park. He had been meaning to go to Tweak Bros all day and pick up more coffee beans, but he just hadn’t found the time! He knew they were closed by now, but with any luck Richard and Helen would still be around.

Pulling up to the shop and parking, he noted unhappily that the store was dark. Without much hope, he got out and went to the door, peering in the glass windows. He could see the empty pastry case, the piano Clyde had mentioned against the wall, the chairs sitting upside down on top of tables.

Everything was quiet inside, there wasn’t any sign of life.

He sighed in annoyance and started to turn…then turned back. He could swear he just heard some noise!

He pressed his face to the glass. Yes, the door to the storeroom was open! It had been closed just a moment ago. He knocked on the glass. There was no answer. He knocked again. “Richard? Helen?” He frowned. “Tweek?” He didn’t think Tweek was there, the boys had been planning a game night with a new friend, but you never knew.

Roger walked around to the back of the store and checked the other exit. Locked. Damn, he must have just missed them.

He went around to the front, taking another look. He knocked on the door again. “Is anybody there?” No answer. That was annoying. Roger sighed. The storeroom door was closed again; there must be a draft or something. Still, something bothered him. He studied the shop carefully; it looked totally normal, with the lights off, everything put away…Oh! He saw it now. A couple of chairs had fallen off the table; they must have been too close to the edge. He shrugged. Oh well, it wasn’t important, it would be easy for the Tweaks to fix it tomorrow.

He got back in his car and drove away.

Chapter Text

Richard frowned in annoyance as he turned the lights on.

Every day this week, there had been problems! Chairs that he SWORE had been on the table had fallen to the floor. A coffee machine had a shattered pot, even though it was in perfect condition the night before. Things moved around, boxes knocked over…what was going on?

Now, he stared in annoyance at the knocked over tables and napkins everywhere. How wasteful. He couldn’t even recycle them! So many trees lost, and all for nothing. Their ancient trunks, once so proudly standing tall against time itself, now cast down to ruin, and all so their history could just go into the garbage. It made him want to cry.

Richard wistfully thought back to when he was 19, chaining himself to trees to prevent loggers from cutting them down. He never should have stopped protesting.

“Again?” The bell chimed as Helen walked in and surveyed the damage. “What’s going on in here?”

“I wonder…” Richard considered. “Look how the tables are split up, like somebody cleared a spot on the floor. Most of the problems involved food and water. Do you suppose a homeless person comes in at night?”

“Oh…” Helen looked unhappy. “The poor thing.” She frowned, looking contemplative. “Even so, we can’t let them come in whenever they want. We should look at getting better locks, and maybe a security system.”

“Good idea!” Richard smiled. “I’ll set out a box of food and bottled water for them, and maybe even leave a note with resources for the needy?”

“That’s perfect!” Richard nodded happily. That should solve their problem.

With that settled, he began to clean up the napkins, thinking of the poor trees that were sacrificed for nothing.

One week into his job, Craig had settled into a comfortable routine.

Tuesdays and Thursdays he did paperwork, helped out around the church, and had office hours from 9-4, so if any kids needed to talk to him privately, he’d be available. He had his youth group activities on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. In the morning, he came in about 8:00 and got things set up. Starting at 9, parents could drop off younger kids, 6-8 years old, and Craig would lead a child-friendly discussion group where he would teach kids about Christ or else just let the kids be silly. One day he had them draw their versions of God and talk about what the Lord meant to them, another day he played a game where he split the kids up into teams of two and had one kid wrap the other in bubble wrap and ribbons like a birthday present, the next day he set up a photo contest where the kids took pictures of each other in the silliest poses and outfits they could find.

At 1, it was time for the 9-12 year olds to come in. They were a bit older, so Craig was content to let them guide the day; sometimes they wanted to talk or have discussions, other days they wanted to sit around and play games. Craig was fine following their lead.

His favourite moment, though, was the period between 12-1, when the kids left and he’d have lunch. This wasn’t supposed to be a huge thing, he had planned on just having peanut butter sandwiches while he worked. To his surprise though, after he’d mentioned his lack of cooking skill in passing to Tweek, he’d started getting deliveries of the most incredible sandwiches he’d ever tasted!

One day it was a BLT, with mayo, onions, a weird type of lettuce, on toasted sourdough bread! Craig had never tasted anything so good in his entire life! The next day was grilled peanut butter and banana, the day after that was an enormous ham sandwich with so many ingredients it was almost as big as Craig’s head! Craig had asked, and Tweek, twitching wildly, had explained that he liked trying new recipes and Craig was his test subject. Tweek also always included an enormous cupcake, or a piece of pie, or a brownie or something for dessert, as well as coffee, made just the way Craig liked it!

Craig had tried to pay him for it, but Tweek had refused, insisting that it was something he could do for Craig “as a friend”. Craig felt incredibly guilty that Tweek was going to so much effort for him. He would have to find a way to pay Tweek back somehow; he’d been planning on a camping trip with the kids eventually anyways, maybe he could take Tweek for a walk while he scouted locations and buy him lunch or something on the way.

On the other hand, considering how often Tweek had appeared in his dreams naked, that might be a terrible idea.

Craig leaned back in his chair, trying to sort out his feelings. He wasn’t the best with emotions, but he wasn’t an idiot either. He knew himself well enough to know that he was falling for Tweek. The boy occupied most of his thoughts, and he constantly second-guessed himself whenever he made a plan, wondering if Tweek would think it was a good idea.

He had tried tell himself it was just exciting to have a friend, but he knew he was lying. He was becoming good friends with Clyde and Token, and enjoyed hanging out with them and talking to them; he also freely acknowledged that they were both good looking guys, and he could have had a crush on one of them down the road. But he knew that it was Tweek he wanted, Tweek and nobody else. He didn’t giggle, or blush, or any other stereotypical crush thing; he just knew, deep in his soul, that he loved Tweek.

The question was, what was he supposed to do about it? He didn’t want to perv on a straight guy, or creep out his new friends and drive them away, but it was torture sitting by Tweek, wanting nothing more than to put an arm over his shoulders and tug him closer, and instead sitting quietly with his hands in his lap. He couldn’t stop being friends with Tweek, that was a nightmare scenario, but it was agony being near him, so how was he supposed to handle this kind of thing?

Craig’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He looked up and saw a young man about his age, with brown hair and a warm smile, standing in the door. They hadn’t talked before, but he often saw the guy at church praying or volunteering, and at Mass he’d been an altar server. Craig quickly sat up straight. “Come on in.”

“Thanks.” The boy spoke with a pronounced lisp as he entered and took a seat next to Craig. “I’m Scott Malkinson.”

“Craig Tucker.” They shook hands. “So what brings you by, Scott?”

“I just wanted to introduce myself.” Scott glanced around the room curiously. “I like to hang out here when it’s quiet so I figured I should actually meet you.”

“I get that.” Craig nodded and gestured towards the bottled water sitting on a table nearby, next to a box of granola bars. “Help yourself.”

“Thanks.” Scott grabbed a bottle and had a drink. “So do you have an activity planned for this afternoon?”

Craig shook his head. “Thursdays is just office hours, so anybody’s welcome to come by for a chat if they like.”

Scott nodded. “That makes sense. I’m going to be a priest someday, so I like to talk about things.”

That got Craig’s attention. “You’re going to be a priest?” He asked. “I’m thinking of the priesthood too.”

Scott lit up. “That’s great! We need more good Catholics as priests.” He leaned forward. “I got the call when I was 14. I’m diabetic, and my friends always made fun of me for it, but I learned to embrace it. It makes me who I am; I’m Scott Malkinson, and I have diabetes!” Craig was surprised that Scott seemed so passionate about it, but figured good for him. “I finally realized that God gave me diabetes not as a punishment, but as a way to show me the path!”

Craig frowned. “The path?”

“Yeah!” Scott nodded eagerly. “Since I’m diabetic, I appreciate my life that much more! I can embrace my own flaws, and I’m happy in spite of them! And since God’s been so good to me, what better way to thank Him than to dedicate my life and soul to His service?”

“That’s a great attitude.” Craig told him admiringly.

Scott nodded cheerfully. “So what about you? When did you get your call?”

Craig paused. He had never really gotten a call, exactly. He wanted to join the priesthood several reasons, some good and some selfish, but he’d never really felt that drive before. Suddenly, it bothered him. Was he not meant for God’s service? Was there something wrong with him?

Scott shifted. “If that’s too personal, you don’t have to answer.”

“No, nothing like that.” Craig shook his head, trying to get his mind to focus. “No, I was just thinking about the question. I’ve never really felt a call, exactly, it’s more like this is where my path seemed destined to go, if that makes any sense.”

That turned out to be a masterstroke. He and Scott got into a great discussion about predestination and free will, and God’s role in their lives and destinies. From there, they ended up talking about themselves and trading stories about school.

Craig suddenly snapped his fingers. “You went to South Park High, right?” Scott nodded. “Then you must know my friends. Token, Clyde, and Tweek.”

Scott grinned. “Yeah. They’re cool guys. They never picked on me or anything.” He laughed. “They’re funny. They have this friend Jimmy, and the things they’d get up to…” Craig raised an eyebrow, and Scott shook his head. “Nothing bad, just ridiculous. Jimmy would get into it with the Principal all the time, and Token had this insane rivalry with his ex-girlfriend Wendy over who got to be valedictorian, stuff like that.”

“What about Clyde and Tweek?” Craig deliberately left Tweek for last to hide his eagerness to learn more about him.

“Clyde’s pretty cool. He’s a football player, and he’s always been in love with this cheerleader, Bebe. I remember he actually bench-pressed this guy Butters just to impress her!” Butters? Craig wondered if there was a reason so many people had weird names in this town. “And Tweek’s really nice. Awesome baker too.” Craig was about to tell Scott about the sandwiches when Scott went on. “I remember when he got a crush on me, back when we were 15, and he ended up baking this mountain of desserts for me! They looked great but I couldn’t eat them. So I had to tell him I’m straight and want to be a priest.” Scott shrugged. “I hope he gets a good boyfriend someday. Anyways, there was this other kid, Kevin, who…”

Craig stopped listening. There could have been an Archangel in the room, and he wouldn’t have noticed.

Tweek is gay.

Tweek. Is gay.

TWEEK IS GAY.

There was nothing else in Craig’s head.

Tweek once had a crush on Scott Malkinson. Tweek liked boys. Craig could feel his mouth dry up, his heart beat faster. He was trembling and shaking, and he almost forgot to breath. Craig was very glad he was sitting down, because he didn’t think his legs could support him right now.

All his unwanted dreams, and fantasies, and desires…they were possible?

What cruel hell was this?

Men couldn’t date men. It was a fundamental part of his faith. Was this a test from Satan? Or did God send him this cross to bear?

Craig suddenly realized that Scott was looking at him with concern. He blinked and tried to force himself to concentrate. “Sorry, um, what?”

“You OK?” Scott asked, his voice unsure. “You really zoned out there, it looked like you were having a panic attack or something.”

“I’m fine.” Craig insisted.

Scott’s eyes widened. “You…um…you knew right? About Tweek?” Craig swallowed, and Scott’s eyes got bigger. “Dude, listen, Tweek’s a great guy. Don’t stop being friends with him; if you’re that worried, talk to him. He’s not creepy or anything!” Scott’s voice was getting faster; Craig realized that he thought Craig was having a totally different reaction than he really was. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay, I know what our faith says, but really dude-”

“It’s fine.” Craig’s voice was high and he had trouble speaking, but he did his best to sound normal. “Tweek’s an awesome friend. I was just surprised, he didn’t say anything.”

“He won’t, unless he knows you’re super comfortable with it.” Scott answered, sounding relieved. “There’s this racist homophobe we went to school with and Tweek’s still scared of him.”

Craig nodded weakly.

Livejournal: mymindrunswildbecausemylegscant

Even if I hadn’t heard the stories, I’d be terrified of Annabelle.

She was probably designed to look like she’s a blushing bride in a wedding dress, but instead gives the impression that her face and dress are stained with the blood of her victims. Her hair, although supposed to be girlish and playful, is a dark, disturbing red that seems to glow with hellfire. Her smile isn’t excited or friendly; it looks vicious, like a predator licking it’s lips while hunting prey.

In an antique store, or on display in somebody’s house, she would be nerve-wracking. Locked in a case blessed by a priest, with signs warning all who approach not to open the door? She’s something out of a horror movie.

Who besides the demon inside can truly give us a complete history of Annabelle? All we know is the testimony of her victims. A cultist who cut her own throat, clutching the doll in her arms; a nursing student, whose mother found the doll in a thrift store and gave it to her, only to be haunted and terrorized; a young girl who opened the case in a moment of curiosity, and had to face the demon head on as it released an army from Hell itself; the trail of Annabelle is a trail of blood and terror, splattered across the pages of history.

Token sighed as he read Jimmy’s blog.

Jimmy had so much potential! He was a brilliant reporter and an amazing writer. As editor of the school paper, he had stood up to PC Principal, challenged nonsensical rules, and everybody from the Mayor to the freshmen on the student council had been afraid of Jimmy’s pen.

Not just that, Jimmy was hilarious! Token didn’t know where he came up with all his jokes, but he’d lost track of the number of times he, Clyde, and Tweek had been gasping for air while they laughed insanely over Jimmy’s latest comedy routine.

Even with this ridiculous job, he was still an awesome writer; Token almost got chills reading his post. He could do ANYTHING with his brain, and instead he went to Connecticut to work with those frauds and write bullshit.

He opened up his email. He could do this. Jimmy was one of his best friends.

Hey Jimmy,

I really enjoyed your post about Annabelle, she sounds really creepy! You should write a horror novel eventually.

How are you enjoying Connecticut? Any hot girls around? What’s it like in a house full of demonic artifacts?

Token stared at the email. He supposed there was no avoiding the elephant in the room, so he may as well address it.

I’m sorry I was such a dick. I hope this turns out to be a great opportunity for you. I mean that.

He nodded. That should do it. Jimmy liked simple and direct apologies, he didn’t need people to grovel to him like Cartman.

Things are good here. The Tweaks keep finding the coffee shop messed up, but they don’t want to pay for more security so they’re trying to deal with it themselves. Nichole sent me a letter; she’s having a great time as a camp counsellor. That was a great idea you had! Craig seems cool, we’ve hung out a few times now. Tweek has a crush on him, but he’s not going to do anything about it; I think he learned his lesson about chasing straight guys from Scott. Clyde is…Clyde. Remember when he turned 13 and had that huge pierogi party? He just watched that Simpsons episode where Bart wanted to buy 100 tacos for $100 and he’s trying to get Freeman’s Tacos to go for it and have a taco party, so if you see something on the news about a crazy guy dying after eating a mountain of tacos send flowers to Clyde’s dad.

I’m enjoying working for my dad, but I’m looking forward to getting to Harvard and making a name for myself now.

Have a good one dude.

Token

Token nodded and hit send. Time to reread Nichole’s letter and write an answer.

Jimmy was in the middle of uploading pictures to the prototype website when Token’s email arrived. He deliberately waited until he was finished his current task; if Token was going to piss him off again he didn’t want to be angry while he worked. After the fight they’d had, the two guys had barely spoken.

Once he was finished typing in a description and case number for the picture of a large wooden cabinet that came from an insane asylum for children (apparently the staff would lock patients in the cabinet for days while they screamed) he opened the email. To his relief, it was a normal email that included an apology. He smiled. Jimmy HATED fighting with his friends, but he was too principled to apologize when he was in the right.

Hitting reply, he began to write back.

Hey dude,

Thanks. It’s in the past.

Things are going great here. The place is really interesting, and I’m doing great work on the website. I’m glad you liked my blog too!

Haha a horror novel? I’m better at porn, dude. Here’s my plot summary: Eric Cartman terrorizes the town trying to get a date, and only a virgin sacrifice can appease him, so every girl in South Park has to lose her virginity ASAP lest they wind up dating him. Hey, if you’re my lawyer for the publishing writes, I’ll write you in a threeway!

Jimmy grinned. Bantering with Token like this was way better than fighting with him.

The work itself is pretty cool, I got a tour of the haunted stuff a few days ago. Nothing too out of the ordinary yet, but I’ll keep you posted. The Warrens are pretty nice though, and I saw this girl downtown yesterday with tits that could send Clyde back to church!

I want to meet Craig eventually, see if he’s good enough for Tweek. Are you sure he’s straight? Keep me updated on the coffee shop! And Clyde…I guess he needs to be bulky to be a football player, but still, the man’s going to have a heart attack by the time he’s 20 if he keeps this up!

Good hearing from you dude. Talk later on MSN.

Jimmy

When Scott finally left, Craig was alone again. He carefully made his way out into the main church and sat in a pew, then carefully bent his head and prayed.

He poured out all his fears, his anguish, and his desires, giving himself up totally to the Lord. Please, Lord, if this is a test then let me pass. What if it wasn’t a test though? What if Craig was being given a choice, a choice he never thought he’d experience?

He thought of all the kind things Tweek had done for him. Heck, he’d been feeding Craig lunches ever since-

Craig looked up again. Scott had said that Tweek had baked for him and given him tons of food during his crush. Now Tweek was giving Craig tons of food.

The last piece of the puzzle fell into place. Tweek had a crush on him.

Craig closed his eyes, desperately praying for guidance. He found only silence.

Chapter Text

Clyde carefully put another table back in place while Tweek mopped the floor. “I think that’s got it, dude.”

“Yeah.” Tweek looked around, twitching. “Why would somebody do this?!”

Clyde had stayed over at Tweek’s house last night; Tweek had given him advice on things to say to Bebe, while he had offered suggestions for Tweek to get closer to Craig while they tried to figure out if he was gay or straight. They had gone to the coffee shop first thing in the morning, and it was a disaster; pictures were thrown off the wall, all the cupboards were open and everything was thrown around all over the floor, and the tables had been shoved around and knocked over.

It was mostly clean now, with just a few tables left. The door opened behind him, but Clyde ignored it and gripped another table. Somebody wolf-whistled behind him, and he turned in surprise…and grinned. Bebe was leaning on one of the other tables, with Wendy and Allie with her. “Show us your muscles!” Bebe cheered.

That settled it. With an audience of girls to impress, Clyde was determined to put on a good show. Going back to the table, he took a deep breath and lifted it right over his head. Bebe cheered as he carried the last few tables and put them in place, making sure to flex for her.

Tweek put the mop away and winked at Clyde as he showed off for the girls, then disappeared in the kitchen. Bebe gestured for Clyde to come over to her, and began feeling his muscles. “When did you get so strong?” She asked flirtatiously.

Clyde grinned at her, flexing again. “Years of football, babe.” He wiggled his eyebrows, then playfully took her and picked her up, holding her bridal style in his arms.

“Put me down, you oaf!” Bebe hit him lightly, but she was giggling and he could tell she was kidding. Happy to please her, Clyde carried her over to the piano; Tweek had been playing it more regularly, but others had tried it too. He very carefully set her on top of it, her long legs dangling down as he sat on the stool. Granted, he couldn’t play the piano at all, despite Tweek’s best efforts to teach him. Clyde’s instrument was the violin. Still, he began to hit notes, making some semblance of a tune. Bebe began making up lyrics while Clyde tried to hit notes that sounded like they went along. His playing was terrible, but Bebe didn’t seem to mind and Clyde was happy to look like an idiot if it pleased her.

“Lattes with caramel, shoes made in Florence,
Cute football players who show off endurance,
Clyde trying hard while he bangs on the keys,
These are the moments that totally please!”

Clyde grinned widely, laughing as she sang, when the cover suddenly came down over the keys. He pulled his hands back in surprise, barely missing getting his fingers squished. He opened it again, but it closed almost immediately. He was tempted to fight with it, but the moment was lost so he just shrugged. “I guess the piano doesn’t like me!” He joked.

Bebe laughed. “Maybe it can’t see your muscles.” She held out her hands. “Stand in front of me.”

Clyde obeyed, and she took his shoulders and slid down to the floor. “My hero.” She teased.

Clyde deliberately held her closer to him, grinning. “I’ll protect you from the evil piano!”

Tweek grinned as he spied on Clyde from the door leading to the back room, then turned his attention to cleaning up. Clyde had liked Bebe for YEARS. Tweek could still remember being 10 and Clyde standing in front of the class reading that ridiculous poem all about how amazing Bebe was. They’d been on again, off again since they were little. To this day he, Token, and Jimmy all laughed about the time Bebe had told Clyde she liked his Ninja Turtles shirt and he’d worn it daily for three weeks until his dad pried it off him while he screamed.

Not that Tweek had been any better. He was still embarrassed every time he remembered trying to write a poem for Scott Malkinson and filling his locker with treats. To his credit, Scott had been kind to him, sitting Tweek down and gently explaining that he wasn’t gay, and that he wanted to be a priest so he wouldn’t date anyways. At least he’d said something before Tweek got around to showing Scott that godawful poem.

Tweek frowned at the memory. Was he bothering Craig by giving him food constantly? He wasn’t some lovesick 14 year old anymore, he was a man now. He was 18! He should know better than to flirt with a straight guy. Seriously, why was he after ANOTHER straight future priest? Couldn’t he fall in love with some hot gay Abercrombie and Fitch model who liked coffee?

But Tweek wanted a boyfriend. Somebody who he could tease and joke with and kiss, and do stuff with, like he saw his friends do with their girlfriends. Hold hands and go to the movies and stuff. He suddenly had a vision of Craig, taking his hand and talking to him, them walking side by side, or curled up together with a movie playing…

Tweek splashed cold water on his face. Gah! He needed to get over Craig, not make his crush worse!

Speaking of Craig, Tweek needed to make him some lunch! He pulled out some ciabatta bread, then loaded it up with olives, roasted red peppers, and arugula. He added some roasted chicken, then topped the sandwich with a mountain of brie. Perfection! Craig would love this for sure.

He began wrapping it up, and added in a brownie and some coffee to go, making it just the way Craig seemed to like it with milk and two sugars, then came back out. “Mom, Dad, I’m just running out for a few minutes!” He called out. “Clyde, be back soon.”

“Sounds good!” Clyde waved him off, still focusing totally on Bebe.

“So, how d-d-do you know if a house is really haunted?” Jimmy asked. “What’s to stop somebody from p-pretending?”

“There are a few ways.” Ed answered. “Lorraine is a psychic, so she can usually tell by herself. We also monitor a potential possession or haunting using video camera, audio recordings, and electronic monitoring. In one case, for example, we set up specialized camera equipment that would take pictures under certain conditions, like if the temperature suddenly changed. That way we can see if we can catch it being faked or anything.” He sighed. “For example, this one house was said to be haunted, but when we checked it out it turned out there were speakers hidden in the walls playing sounds at different intervals.”

Lorraine nodded. “It’s not hard to tell if somebody’s really scared or if they’re just making it up for notoriety or fame. A few people talked about selling tickets for ghost tours.” She looked unhappy at the idea.

Jimmy took the folder he’d been reading earlier. “So, let’s talk about people making it up. In this case, you had that haunting in the UK. There was a video of the g-g-g-of the possessed g-g-g-there was a video proving it was faked. Then you figured out it was real anyways. What happened there?”

Ed and Lorraine exchanged looks. Finally, Lorraine spoke again. “The demon wanted the girl, and wanted to make us suffer. It somehow took the departed spirit of an old man who had lived there and forced him to haunt the house and hurt the family. When all the investigators were at the house, it forced her to fake the haunting so that everybody would leave. I think it wanted us to know that we’d failed to defeat it, and that Ed would die trying.”

Ed nodded somberly. “Demons are beings of pure evil. They want to hurt us. They want to hurt you, for no other reason then you’re there. Why you instead of the person next to you? We’ll never know.”

Jimmy wasn’t sure how to respond. “But, going b-back a few steps. You had video of the girl faking the haunting. What made you realize the demon was there?”

“Pure coincidence.” Ed answered.

“There’s no coincidence.” Lorraine corrected him. “God wanted us to save that girl.”

Ed smiled softly at her. “We had a few recordings of the spirit, just random words. While we were getting on a train to go home, I dropped two of the recordings. The ribbons crossed each other, and I realized you had to listen to them both at the same time. When we did, we found out the ghost was being controlled by the demon and hurried back.” He took Lorraine’s hand. “Thank God Lorraine was there and able to stop it. It tried to kill me, and came very, very close.”

Lorraine closed her eyes.

Jimmy finished writing his notes. “Is there any chance I can hear the recordings?”

“Sure.” Ed nodded. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” Ed disappeared up the stairs and quickly returned, carrying a few old sound systems stacked on top of each other. “Here we go.” He set them side by side and carefully attached reels to each one. “Remember, this is a little girl talking.”

The first one had a voice gasping in agony. It sounded like somebody’s grandfather, crying out in a raspy voice. “Help…it…let…go…help…it…let…go!”

Jimmy was fascinated. This went beyond pictures or artifacts. This was real, honest recordings of somebody possessed!

Ed played the second recording. The same desperate, terrifying voice gasped out, “Me…won’t…me…me…won’t…me!”

He carefully wound the reels back, then looked at Jimmy. “It sounds like nothing, doesn’t it? Just some nonsense. But, if we play them together…”

He hit play on both. “Help me! It won’t let me go! Help me! It won’t let me go!” Jimmy felt almost sick as he listened to the voice pleading. It was a terrified voice, with an old man sounding like he was in agony.

Ed turned the recording off. “That’s the kind of thing we fight. That’s why it’s so important for us to keep doing what we’re doing.”

When the day finally ended and the last kid left, Craig yawned and stretched as hard as he could. He’d had a great day today, and Tweek had made him an incredible sandwich for lunch; he was still full. He was happy the day was over.

He still had no idea how to handle his Tweek problem. If Craig was smart, he’d just limit his time around Tweek. Tell Tweek he wasn’t interested, turn down future lunches, and limit his time with Tweek and his friends.

But the very thought of it made Craig want to throw up. How was he supposed to give up his new friends? He’d tried praying, he’d spent hours on his knees, but he hadn’t found any kind of an answer. What was he supposed to DO?

At least his job was going well. He’d called up some of the local schools; it was summer, but he was lucky enough to get a meeting with a music teacher at South Park Elementary. The summer was actually going really well; the kids in his program were awesome, and he was having lots of fun with his new friends. If it wasn’t for his stupid heart deciding to fall in love with the cute blonde boy it would be the best summer ever!

As he walked down the road, Craig reached a decision. There was no point in drawing attention to anything; the smart thing to do is just continue ignoring the entire situation. Maybe instead of getting caught up in an awkward conversation he could talk about Harry Potter; it was a major obsession for Craig, and he was so excited that the sixth book was coming out soon. They’d just announced the title: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Craig let his mind wander. If he and his new friends were in Hogwarts, what house would they be in? He remembered something he’d read about online once for sorting people: if there was a locked door, how would they open it? Clyde would probably just kick it open, so he was definitely a Gryffindor. Token was obviously a Ravenclaw and would look for a key. Craig would honestly just knock like a true Hufflepuff; nice and boring, just the way he liked it. Tweek was harder to place, but Craig liked to think he’d knock as well; he liked the idea he and Tweek would be in the same house.

He was surprised to be in front of Tweak Bros already. He hadn’t realized he’d walked so far yet. Taking a deep breath, Craig walked in.

Tweek was on Clyde’s shoulders as he fiddled with a surveillance camera, clearly setting it up to catch whoever kept trashing the place. “Can you see anything yet?” Tweek called out.

“You had it for a second!” Tweek’s dad’s voice came out from the back room.

“You’ve almost got it, sweetheart.” Tweek’s mom chimed in from the counter.

“OH JESUS!” Tweek squawked.

Craig almost smiled. He was starting to get better at reading Tweek’s mood. Right now, it seemed that Tweek was frustrated and anxious, but it wasn’t serious yet.

Clyde’s hands reached up and gripped Tweek’s legs to hold him steady. He bent forward a bit, and Craig noticed that Clyde had a pretty good body. Nothing compared to Tweek of course, but Clyde was still attractive; his muscles were obvious under his shirt, and his shaggy brown hair was stylishly messy. Plus the way he was standing gave Craig a good look at his ass, and while it wasn’t as good as Tweek’s it was still amazing.

Craig suddenly tore his gaze away from Clyde’s ass up to the camera Tweek was setting up. What was he doing? He had enough trouble with his feelings for Tweek without checking out Clyde too. He wanted to be a priest, for crying out loud, why was he suddenly acting like a 13 year old who just discovered girls? Or, boys in his case. And he shouldn't be checking out boys at all!

Tweek’s head twitched again as he played with something.

“You got it!” Tweek’s dad cheered from the back room.

“Good job!” Craig told Tweek.

“GAH!” Tweek gave out a loud squawk as he realized Craig was there and tried to turn to see him, but started to fall; Clyde grabbed at him, but Tweek’s legs slipped out of his grasp. Craig shot forward and caught Tweek in his arms, holding him gently with his arm under Tweek’s knees and his other arm under his back; almost instinctively Tweek reached out and wrapped his arms around Craig’s neck to hold himself steady, and his eyes widened as he looked into Craig’s face.

“You OK, dude?” Craig asked anxiously.

“Yeah.” Tweek breathed, staring at Craig. He smelled like coffee and chocolate.

Crap. Craig had come here with a plan. Holding Tweek in his arms was NOT part of it. Some traitorous part of Craig’s brain noticed that Tweek was actually the perfect size to hold in Craig’s arms, and he tried not to think about it.

Mr. Tweak came out of the storage room. His eyes fell on Tweek, held in Craig’s arms, and he smiled warmly. “Oooh, am I interrupting something?”

“Just Tweek almost breaking his neck.” Clyde answered. “Luckily Craig saved him.”

“I can see that!” Mr. Tweak smiled. “Welcome, Craig! Can I get you something besides my son?” He winked. “You can take him home, but you better have a huge supply of coffee. Plus he walks around naked more often than not.”

“OH JESUS!” Tweek hid his face. As embarrassed as he was, Craig couldn’t help noticing how cute Tweek looked. Then the rest of what Mr. Tweak had said caught up to him, and all he could picture was Tweek naked. His throat was dry and his heart beat fast.

“Anyways, now that this is settled I have to run to the bank.” He winked again at Craig. “Remember, no sex in the store unless you sanitize things afterwards. We may not have customers today, but we still have health and safety standards.”

“You mean starting now, right?” Clyde asked, grinning.

Tweek’s mom laughed. “I remember when we were setting up for our grand opening.” She smiled dreamily. “There were a few nights when Richard and I would close the blinds, and one of us would pretend we were a stranger looking for coffee and directions, and…”

“NO!” Tweek screeched. Craig was embarrassed but he couldn’t help but laugh at the panic on Tweek’s face.

Tweek’s dad laughed as he left, and Craig suddenly realized that he was still clutching Tweek. He reluctantly put Tweek down again, blushing; Tweek’s cheeks were red too; he was obviously embarrassed at almost falling and his mom’s story. His father’s comments hadn’t helped either. Craig patiently waited while Tweek steadied himself, and it took all his strength not to stop Tweek as he pulled his arms off Craig.

“What are you guys working on?” Craig asked curiously, trying to get himself under control.

Tweek twitched again. “GAH! Somebody trashed our store last night!”

“It looks like a homeless person’s been staying here.” Tweek’s mom explained. “We left some food, information about resources for the homeless, and a note outside for them. We hoped it would help, but whoever it was broke in and trashed the place.”

“Oh.” Craig blinked. “That’s awful.”

“So how as your day?” Tweek asked him.

“Good.” Craig nodded. “I met with some kids and planned more activities. I’m looking planning for the kids to do a pirate activity in the playground.”

“That’s a good idea!” Clyde told him approvingly.

“Thanks.” Craig was relieved they didn’t think it was totally lame. “I also looked into getting musical instruments for the church; if some of the kids have musical talent, maybe I can get some of them to be a band or something. I actually have an appointment at one of the schools to talk to the music teacher about borrowing instruments.

Both Clyde and Tweek looked up sharply at the same time. “Which school?” Tweek asked carefully.

“South Park Elementary.” Craig was confused at their reaction. “I’m meeting with Herbert Garrison tomorrow.”

The two exchange looks. “Umm…” Clyde shifted. “How much do you actually know about him?”

Craig’s brow furrowed. “Not much. We didn’t talk for long.”

The two exchanged looks again. “We should probably warn you about him.” Tweek told him. “You better sit down for this one.”

Craig stared at the two boys. He couldn’t figure out if they were kidding or not. They LOOKED serious enough, but…

“Let me see if I got this.” Craig tried to see if they showed any signs of laughing or joking as he spoke.

“So, he wrote a best-selling gay romance novel, didn’t REALIZE it was gay, and ran off into the woods for a year.” Saying it himself made Craig feel even more ridiculous.

“You could hear him screaming ‘I’m not gay’ at night.” Mrs. Tweak added from the counter. “He was quite the local cryptid.”

“After about a year, he returned, now openly gay. The school didn’t care that he had vanished, but they fired him for being gay, only to rehire him because they were worried about being sued.” Craig continued.

“He was so pissed that he took his job back before he realized he could sue.” Clyde nodded.

“He then WANTED to be fired so he could sue and retire, so he acted as gay as possible hoping parents would complain.” So far, they didn’t look like they were kidding, but there was no way this was real. “Then he decided he was trans and got a sex change.” Craig looked back and forth between them.

“Richard and I were very supportive of her. We thought it was a wonderful decision.” Mrs. Tweak commented from the counter. “Every time somebody steps up and says who they are, the world becomes more beautiful and interesting.”

“She was an ugly-ass chick though.” Clyde commented, making a face.

“OK.” Craig wondered if it was too late to get a psychological exam. This whole town seemed like a hallucination. “Then he decided he was a lesbian, then decided to detransition and got another sex change to turn back into a man.” He finished.

“You got it.” Tweek shook his head.

“So, he’s crazy.” Clyde shrugged. “And you thought Tweek was bad!” He teased. Tweek elbowed him and Clyde laughed.

“Well, crazy or not, if it helps out the kids I’ll meet with him.” Craig shrugged.

“You should get Tweek to help out instead!” Clyde suddenly spoke up encouragingly. “He’s great on the piano!”

“I remember.” Craig glanced at Tweek. “You were playing the first time I met you.”

“Yeah!” Tweek gasped out, turning red; Craig wondered if he remembered fleeing into the bathroom and having to have Token talk him out afterwards. “I can teach you if you want!”

Craig shrugged. “Sure, I can try to play.”

Tweek’s eyes widened, and Craig wondered if Tweek had only offered out of courtesy. To his relief though he gestured towards the piano and stood up. Craig moved over to the wooden piano stool, staring down at the keys. For some reason, he had a bad feeling about this. It wasn’t about his crush on Tweek though; for some reason, the idea of touching the piano was making very nervous.

He reached out and touched the keys, pushing one down experimentally with his index finger.

“OW! FUCK!” He shouted as the cover slammed down. He managed to pull his finger out, hissing with pain as he tried to see if it was broken. It was red and painful, but to Craig’s relief he could still bend it; it wasn’t broken, just bruised.

“OH JESUS!” Tweek screeched. “ARE YOU OK?!” Mrs. Tweak rushed over with a first-aid kit and gently took his hand, examining his finger carefully.

“I’m fine.” Craig shook his hands, trying to get past the pain.

“I’LL GET SOME ICE!” Tweek raced into the backroom.

“It kept closing on me earlier.” Clyde stared at it. “I guess it only likes Tweek.”

“Maybe.” Craig winced as he tried to close his fingers into a fist.

Tweek reappeared quickly, clutching two plastic baggies full of ice. He pressed them against Craig’s index finger, and the cold seemed to help a bit. Mrs. Tweak helped press the ice down into Craig’s skin.

“Thanks.” Craig looked at Tweek and his mom gratefully.

“PLEASE DON’T SUE US!” Tweek squawked.

Craig smiled reassuringly at him. “I’ll be fine.”

“Can you bend it?” Mrs. Tweak asked.

“Yeah. It’s painful but I don’t think it’s broken.” Craig answered, embarrassed at them fussing over him.

“You should just keep some ice on it for a while, and let it rest on a pillow or something.” Clyde suggested. “I do the same thing if I get hurt at football practice.” He grinned. “Or play it up and hope the cheerleaders come look after me.”

Craig smiled slightly at that. “Are you dating a cheerleader?”

“Trying to.” Clyde’s grin got wider. “What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”

There it was. The question that Craig had been dreading.

“No.” He answered simply, shifting in his chair and putting one of the baggies on the table, resting his finger on it, then putting the other baggie on top. “I’ve never really gone out with anybody.”

Clyde looked confused. “As in, you’ve never had a date, or as in you’ve never gotten into a full relationship? Like, our friend Jimmy’s had lots of flings and hookups and stuff but never had an actual girlfriend.”

Craig wasn’t sure how to answer that. He shifted uncomfortably. “I guess I’ve never had a date.” He felt embarrassed. “I won’t date anybody I don’t really care about, but I’ve never felt like that before.”

“Before?” Clyde looked up. “Is there somebody in town you like?”

Oh CRAP.

Before Craig could figure out an answer, Tweek’s mom went into the back room, only to come right back out. “Tweek, dear, you got ice everywhere. Can you please clean it up?”

Tweek flew out of his chair and shot into the back room again. Craig stared after him.

Tweek frantically cleaned up the ice, dropping it into the sink as he tried to come up with a plan. What was he supposed to do? It was TOO MUCH PRESSURE!

He couldn’t believe that he’d been in Craig’s arms. That was, like, half his fantasies coming true in an instant. His traitor brain was already coming up with ways to fall down in front of Craig and see if Craig would catch him again.

Then, of course, his stupid father had to ruin it. He couldn’t believe Dad told Craig he walked around naked. Tweek felt his cheeks burn red again.

He was still thinking about how it felt to be in Craig’s arms (and the fact that he seemed to fit in them perfectly) when he glanced at the camera screens and saw Dad come back into the shop; Dad took one look at Craig and hurried over.

“OH JESUS!” Tweek gripped his hair tightly, trying to deal with the pressure. He took a few calming breaths, trying to get his heart rate under control. He looked at the camera feed again on the screen; at least it only recorded the customer area of the shop, so he didn’t have to work with multiple feeds.

Craig was still there, talking to Clyde and Dad about something. Tweek stared at them, wishing he could lip-read. What were they talking about?! Clyde had asked Craig about girlfriends. It was the all-important question, but Tweek couldn’t bear the answer. If he didn’t know anything about Craig having crushes, he could have his fantasies. The idea of Craig having a crush on somebody else was torture.

To his horror, Dad went behind the counter for a few moments, then headed back towards Craig. He was holding what looked like a picture as he sat down next to Craig. Tweek felt his heart stop. What could Dad be showing Craig? What humiliating childhood moment was going to appear?!

“NO!” Tweek screeched, flying out the door and taking a running leap at Dad.

“You OK, Craig?” Clyde asked.

Craig realized with a start that he was still looking in the direction Tweek had disappeared. “Yeah, sorry.” He shook his head. “What, um, what were you saying?”

“Are there any girls you like?” Clyde asked. He grinned. “As long as it’s not a blonde cheerleader named Bebe, I can be your wingman!”

OK, girls. That was safer. “No, no girls.” He needed to keep Clyde’s attention off him. “So is Bebe your girlfriend?”

“Off and on.” Clyde wiggled his eyebrows. “I’m hoping it’ll be back on. She was in earlier, and she’s gotten even hotter!”

Mrs. Tweak laughed behind the counter. “I remember you two coming in as kids, with her handing you her coat, then making you deliver her hot chocolate and everything. Clyde was like a puppy following her around!”

Craig laughed, and Clyde blushed but grinned wider. “Hey, it worked!”

“How old were you then?” Craig asked curiously.

“10.” Clyde seemed to think for a moment. “It was fun back then. I remember we’d play superheroes for days at a time.”

Craig smiled again. It sounded like fun! “What superhero were you?”

“Mosquito.” Clyde laughed. “I had this rubber proboscis and plastic wings, and I’d make buzzing sounds as I moved around.”

Craig thought it was hilarious. “What about Tweek and Token?”

Clyde’s face was lit up; he was obviously enjoying talking about their games. “Tweek was Wonder Tweek and controlled the weather; he had on a headband and a blue sweater with his logo on it. Token was awesome; he actually put on a bunch of Tupperware and called himself TupperWare the robot.”

Craig actually laughed at that. “Sounds awesome! So who was your archenemy?”

Clyde shook his head. “Actually, other superheroes. There were a few groups. I was part of a group called Coon and Friends-”

“Coon and Friends?” Craig interrupted, stunned.

Clyde waved his hand. “Our leader dressed like a raccoon and called himself The Coon. It’s a long story. Anyways, Jimmy was there too as Fastpass the Speedster, and the other group called themselves the Freedom Pals. Wonder Tweek and TupperWare joined them, and we had a big civil war.”

The door opened and Mr. Tweak reappeared. He started to go to the counter but immediately rushed to the table when he saw the ice on Craig’s hand and the first-aid kit Mrs. Tweak had brought out. “What happened? Are you all right?” He asked anxiously.

Craig nodded. His finger still stung, but it was starting to feel better. “I caught my finger in the piano.” He explained. “Tweek got me some ice for it, but I’ll be fine.” He promised.

Mr. Tweak frowned and looked at the piano. “Maybe we should hang up a warning sign.” He commented.

“Hey, Mr. Tweak.” Clyde spoke up. “Do you have any pictures of us as superheroes from back in the day?”

“I think so.” Tweek’s dad went behind the counter and opened a drawer, then started rummaging through it and pulled out a stack of photos. “I think it’s in here.” He quickly went through them, then pulled one out and walked back over to the table. “Here! This one is-”

“NO!” Tweek appeared as if out of nowhere, leaping through the air and crashing straight into his dad. The two men fell to the floor, and the picture flew into the air.

Craig stared, not knowing what to do. Clyde stood and peered over the table, his mouth open.

“Give me the picture!” Tweek squawked.

Mr. Tweak was laughing. “Calm down, kid!” He managed, trying to stand.

Craig saw the picture fall to the floor nearby, pulled his hand out from the ice and shook it, then went over to pick it up. It looked like an ordinary picture of a bunch of kids dressed as superheroes. To his surprise, it slid out of reach. He tried to follow it, but for some reason it kept moving away; it must be getting caught in a breeze or something.

Frowning, he kept moving forward. The photograph drifted ever more out of reach.

Finally, he lunged forward, grabbing it eagerly. That was annoying!

He looked up…and saw a strange man grinning wickedly at him. Suddenly, a hand grabbed his wrist; it was shockingly strong! The next thing Craig knew, he was being thrown through the double doors to the back area.

It happened faster than Clyde could process.

He had pulled Tweek off his dad, everybody laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, when Craig cried out. They all looked over just in time to see Craig go flying! He shot straight through the doors to the back of the shop. There was a loud crash and the sound of things falling to the ground.

Clyde charged at the doors in a panic. He could hear footsteps scrambling as Tweek and Mr. Tweak followed close behind. They flew through the doors, looking around wildly.

Craig lay slumped on the floor, moaning. Tweek rushed past Clyde and knelt at Craig’s side, and Clyde leapt over them both and knelt down by Craig’s other side. Mr. Tweak joined them.

“Dad, call an ambulance!” Tweek ordered.

“No.” Craig moaned. “I’m fine. Just sore.” He sat up with a gasp of pain. “There was,” he winced, “there was a guy in here. He grabbed my arm and…” he shook his head. “I don’t know what happened.”

“There’s a guy?” Mr. Tweak asked, sounding surprised.

“Craig, hold still.” Mrs. Tweak began checking him over and fussing over him, examining his hands and making sure he doesn’t have any other injuries.

“Is there somebody in here?” Clyde called out, looking around. He and Mr. Tweek began looking around while Tweek and his mom helped Craig to his feet.

There wasn’t any sign of another person hiding in the storeroom. After a thorough search, Clyde went out front to check the washrooms, then went back to see Craig again. Craig was standing, which was a good sign, although he was rubbing his leg.

“You OK dude?” Clyde asked.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Craig waved it off, looking embarrassed. “Did you find that guy?”

Clyde shook his head. “We didn’t see anybody else.”

“Are you sure you saw somebody?” Mr. Tweak asked.

“Yeah.” Craig nodded. “I was trying to grab the picture, but he grabbed my wrist, and suddenly I was in the air.”

Clyde had forgotten all about the picture! “What’s the picture?” He asked curiously. He noticed Tweek’s eyes widen as Craig turned it over; what was Tweek scared of? Mr. Tweak hadn’t shown them naked pictures of him in years. He spotted a photograph on the floor and bent to pick it up. It turned out to be from back in their superhero days as kids, when they’d had their civil war. He spotted Wonder Tweek immediately, next to Tupperware and right in front of Mysterion. Mosquito was on the other side, right behind Human Kite and Toolshed. Clyde grinned; that had been a lot of fun.

Tweek’s face was red, and he twitched again. “Oh Jesus.” He muttered, burying his face in his hands.

“Hey, it’s OK. It’s cute.” Craig spoke up. He seemed embarrassed as soon as he said it, but why? Clyde knew he was a cute kid; they’d even made an official list naming him the cutest boy in class! And he supposed Tweek was cute too, although he didn’t really look at other guys like that.

“This is our superhero team.” Clyde announced grandly, moving so he was next to Craig as they looked at the picture together. “There’s Wonder Tweek…” Tweek moaned, still hiding his face. “…and I’m right there.”

“Is that kid in his underwear?” Craig pointed out Mysterion.

Clyde laughed. “No. He just wore his tightie-whities outside his pants, like old superheroes.”

“I remember those days.” Mr. Tweak smiled warmly. “Tweek running around, screaming about lightning, and that awful kid who dressed like a raccoon.”

“Who?” Craig asked. That had to be that guy “the Coon” Clyde had mentioned.

“Cartman.” Tweek shuddered at the memory.

“He was this fat racist piece of shit we went to school with.” Clyde explained sourly. “The kid was a fucking Nazi. I mean a full, Hitler-loving Nazi.” Craig looked disgusted at that.

“So, back to this man in the storage room.” Mr. Tweak interjected. “Did you get a good look at him, Craig?”

Craig shook his head. “He was big, dark hair, a beard and mustache. I didn’t really have time to notice much else.”

Tweek suddenly looked up. “I saw a strange kid in here too!”

“Just now?” Clyde asked, looking back at the doors.

“No!” Tweek shook his head. “I was in the washroom a while ago and saw him in the mirror for a second! OH JESUS HE’S IN THE WALLS!”

“When did you see him in the washroom?” Clyde asked.

Tweek turned red. “When Craig first came here.” He muttered, sounding embarrassed.

Clyde suddenly remembered Tweek freaking out and hiding in the bathroom, with Token trying to talk him out again, and grinned. He looked at Craig, wondering again what he was thinking. Clyde liked Craig, but he was hard to read.

“So if there’s a man and a kid running around, we’ll find them.” Mr. Tweak sounded more confident than Clyde felt.

“And then what?” Tweek asks, twitching. “We can’t, GAH!, we can’t let them just live in the store! Especially if they’re going to trash it!”

Mrs. Tweak sighed. “Let’s try to figure out who and where they are first. Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Chapter Text

It was 1 AM and Tweek couldn’t stop staring at the ceiling. It’s not like he slept well at the best of times, but tonight he couldn’t sleep at all. Every time he tried, he jolted awake, wondering what was happening at the coffee shop. Were that weird guy who attacked Craig and that creepy kid causing havoc? Or were they so offended by Mom and Dad’s care package that they left angrily, leaving this morning’s destruction as a final gesture?

Growling, Tweek rolled over and punched his pillow, then closed his eyes and tried to force himself asleep. He took several deep, calming breaths, using his favourite breathing exercises, running through his whole routine. That had to take at least an hour, right?

He opened his eyes and looked at the clock. 1:07 AM. He growled again, twitching and shaking, then tried rolling over again only to fall out of his bed and hit the floor with a painful thump.

Well, there was no chance of getting to sleep after that.

Groaning, Tweek pulled himself to his feet. Maybe he should go for a walk and get some fresh air. Grabbing his jeans off the floor and the first t-shirt that his hand landed on, Tweek got dressed quickly and shoved his phone and keys into his pocket, quickly slapping his other pocket to feel for his wallet. Not even bothering with socks, he went downstairs and slipped his shoes on, then went out and locked the door.

It was pleasantly warm out, with a cool breeze providing the perfect touch. There were no cars on the road, no signs of life, and only the occasional streetlight to illuminate the path. Tweek feels like he’s on autopilot; he doesn’t even know where he’s going, he’s just putting one foot in front of the other.

He passed Token’s house after a bit and nodded politely to the night guard at the gate as he let his hand run over the cold iron bars curiously. He glanced at the house hopefully, but all the windows were dark; he knew Token was probably asleep, but he kind of wanted company tonight and was hoping he’d be awake. He kept walking, kicking a small rock down the road and listening to the clatter as it bounced onto the road.

He took a deep breath. This was just what he needed. He stretched, enjoying the feeling of the wind blowing through his hair. He turned past the theater, only then realizing that he’d walked to Tweak Bros. The shop was just ahead, dark and quiet without any of the usual signs of life.

Tweek stared at it. What if there was somebody inside, trashing the place? What if they saw him and attacked him? His heart raced. He didn’t have a choice. It was up to him to protect the store. He took a shaky breath, then started forward.

He got to the store and flattened himself against the side wall by the dumpster, listening carefully. It was quiet. He braced himself, then stuck his head around the corner, peering inside.

It was empty, and everything was just as they left it. The chairs were neatly on the tables and the floor was clean…there was nothing strange or unusual happening inside. He cautiously moved to the front door, staring in, but there was no sign of life anywhere. Tweek stared inside. Without even thinking about it, he pulled out his keys and unlocked the entrance and stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind him.

There was no sign of anybody.

Tweek should go. He knew that he should just leave now that he knew the coffee shop was safe, but…he couldn’t explain it. He just wanted to stay. He glanced at his watch, and it was 1:43 AM; at this point he was going to be running on coffee, energy drinks, and desperation all day tomorrow, so what difference did a few more minutes make?

His eyes fell on the piano. It had seemed fine to him, but Clyde almost got squished by the cover and Craig’s hands were almost broken. He stepped forward and tentatively raised the cover, then waited. Nothing happened. He experimentally pushed down one key, and it tinkled merrily in the empty shop. Almost like he was in a trance, Tweek slowly sat on the old piano bench and started playing “Poor Unfortunate Souls” from The Little Mermaid; when he’d first started playing, his parents had gotten him a book of Disney songs for piano, so he was more used to them than to old symphonies.

Once he finished, he stared at the keys, glittering white in the darkness. He set his hands on them and started playing. He couldn’t explain what tune he was playing; he could swear he’d never heard it before, but somehow his hands seemed to find the right keys without him even thinking about it. There was something disturbing about the music, like something you’d hear in an old horror movie or something, but he kept playing. He closed his eyes as the sound of the music washed over him.

The music got more intense, more powerful somehow, but he couldn’t stop playing. His fingers flew across the keys as he tried to finish the song. He could hear something behind him, but for the first time his paranoia didn’t kick in and he ignored it, trying to figure out where the melody was going.

Suddenly hands grabbed his wrists and pulled him away! Tweek let out a scream, spinning around wildly, but the hands gripped him tightly. Tweek’s eyes widened as he stared at Dad. Mom was next to him, looking panicked. What were they doing here?

“Mom? Dad?” He asked, twitching.

The coffee shop exploded. Every cupboard door smashed open at once and the staff and bathroom doors were flung open, hitting the walls with loud cracks. A coffee pot flew through the air, only missing Mom because Dad grabbed her and pulled her down. One of the tables flipped over, sending the chairs in every direction.

Mom screamed, and Dad shouted something and grabbed them both, pulling both Tweek and Mom towards the door. Tweek tried to make it, but a hand grabbed his leg! He let out a shriek as he fell face-first to the ground and somebody started pulling him backwards.

“Tweek!” Mom screamed. She and Dad each grabbed one of Tweek’s arms and pulled desperately, and Tweek felt like he was going to be torn in half. He tried to look behind him, but he didn’t see anybody there; his leg was just in the air like it was being pulled by a magnet. But he could feel fingers wrapped around his ankle! He kicked his other foot back, trying to get rid of whatever was holding him as he screamed.

Then the hand vanished. Mom and Dad both went flying backwards, falling into two of the tables and knocking more chairs over, while Tweek landed on his stomach on the floor.

Like somebody had flipped a switch, it all stopped. Scrambling to their feet, the Tweaks fled the shop in a panic. Mom collapsed onto the sidewalk, tears streaming down her face, and Tweek wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. Dad locked the front door, probably out of habit, then knelt next to them and hugged them both.

Tweek twitched frantically. “WHAT WAS THAT?!” He screeched. Neither of his parents answered him, and he realized with horror it was because they didn’t know. “How did you find me?” He asked after a minute.

“We came to look for you when we didn’t see you in your room.” Dad explained. “You weren’t in bed, so we thought maybe you came here to check out the shop.”

Tweek twitched. Why were they so worried? He glanced at his watch…and froze. He pulled out his phone to check again, then grabbed his mom’s arm to look at the time. He’d checked the time before going in, and it was about 1:45 AM or so. And he hadn’t been that long.

How was it 4 AM already?

“Hi Jimmy!” Judy’s voice was higher-pitched than normal, and he swiveled in his chair just in time to see her lean nervously into the room. “How’s it going?”

“Really w-well.” Jimmy answered, smiling at her. She still seemed nervous around him, and he had decided to take this opportunity to help her be more comfortable around disabled people. “The website is already g-g-getting hits, and these files are c-c-cool. I keep g-getting distracted reading them.”

Judy nodded. “I, uh, made you lunch.” She flushed. “You’ve been working so hard, I thought you might want a break.” She produced a plate with two peanut butter sandwiches cut into triangles.

“Thanks!” Jimmy took the plate gratefully and picked up one of the triangles, biting into it eagerly.

“Do you like it?” Judy asked eagerly.

“Mmm-hmmm.” Jimmy nodded, trying to swallow.

“Oh! You probably need milk!” Judy looked mortified. “Hang on, I’ll get you some!” Before Jimmy could stop her, she ran back down the stairs. Jimmy took another bite of his sandwich, trying to think of a way to make her relax around him. He didn’t want to spend the whole summer making her uncomfortable, it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.

Judy rushed in a minute later with a glass of milk, and Jimmy gratefully took a drink. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome!” She shifted, looking around. “I like peanut butter sandwiches.”

“They’re g-g-g-great.” Jimmy nodded. “You’re an expert sandwich maker!” He grinned at her. “You know why the teacher g-gave his students peanut butter?” Judy looked confused. “He wanted t-t-to be the nutty professor!”

Judy shrieked with laughter. “Jimmy, you’re so funny!” She choked out. Jimmy grinned, and she snorted with laughter. Suddenly, she stopped, turned bright red, and ran out. Jimmy frowned, wondering where he went wrong.

Shrugging, he finished the sandwich and milk, then stretched. He really could use a break. Taking the plate and cup, he started downstairs, but there was a loud shriek of “OH MY GOD!” from Judy’s room. He looked at the closed door; should he see if she’s all right, or get Ed or Lorraine? Before he could decide, he heard her talking loudly. “I snorted in front of him, can you believe that?! Now he thinks I’m a total dork!”

Ok, that made sense. She was just embarrassed; she still didn’t know how to handle somebody with disabilities, and now she thought she made things worse. The best thing to do would be to ignore it and keep being friendly. He made his way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Oh, Jimmy, good timing. Just put those in here.” Lorraine gestured to the sink; it was full of soapy water, and the drying rack on the other sink had wet dishes in it.

“I can wash them.” Jimmy shook his head. “D-don’t worry about it.”

“It’s fine.” Lorraine smiled gently. “I like doing the dishes. It keeps my hands busy but my mind free so I can think about things.” She gestured towards the sink, and Jimmy put his dishes into the water. “How’s the website coming?”

“Really well.” Jimmy nodded. “It’s already g-g-getting lots of attention.” He couldn’t stand just standing around while she worked, so he picked up a dishtowel and started drying plates. “Are you w-worried about g-getting attention from skeptics who want to d-debunk you?” He thought about the Arne Johnson case. “Or Satanists wanting to come after you?”

Lorraine shook her head. “What’s the alternative? Stay hidden away and let innocent people suffer? God wants us to help people, who are we to say no?” Jimmy wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just nodded. Lorraine looked at him almost sadly. “You don’t believe, do you?”

“I…” Jimmy hadn’t expected her to confront him directly. Would she fire him and throw him out if he didn’t commit whole-heartedly to their beliefs? “I k-k-keep an open mind.”

“It’s all right.” Lorraine went to pat his shoulder but seemed to remember her hand was soaking wet before she made contact. “Most people don’t believe. We’re used to the skeptics.”

Jimmy put a dry plate in the cupboard and picked up another one. “D-d-doesn’t that bother you?”

“No.” Ed’s voice came from behind them, startling Jimmy; he fumbled with the plate for a moment but managed to catch it. “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he didn’t exist’?”

“Sure.” Jimmy nodded as he kept drying dishes.

“Most people use it as a joke, but they don’t get how true it is.” Ed commented, picking up a towel and joining Jimmy. “Hollywood portrays demons as psychotic and evil, but also as fictional. Hardly anybody takes it seriously; most people claiming possession end up being called crazy or liars. People like Lorraine, who are gifted psychics, are ignored as frauds. And when there’s a real possession, either the person lives and nobody believes them or they die and anybody who tried to help is just a murderer. That makes it easy for real possessions to slip under the radar.”

Jimmy nodded. That made a lot of sense. “But how do you deal with it?”

Lorraine smiles gently. “We’ve saved a lot of people. It doesn’t matter if somebody thinks we’re making it up if somebody else is alive.”

Craig’s stomach rumbled as he drove down the street towards South Park Elementary. Tweek hadn’t stopped by with lunch today, and Craig hadn’t been willing to get takeout or order something in case he did, and Craig missed him, so he hadn’t eaten anything other than some cereal that morning. And he didn’t even have time to stop for food, because he’d waited so long that he had to hurry to make his appointment with Mr. Garrison.

South Park Elementary looked like any other school building as Craig walked through the halls. He could see a few administrative staff in the offices, probably finishing their end-of-schoolyear work, and up head he saw a man with thinning hair and a blue tie over a green shirt. “Hey, uh, school’s out for the year, mmkay? So, uh, we don’t need any special visitors or anything, mmkay?”

“I have an appointment with Herbert Garrison.” Craig explained. “Do you know where he is?”

“Oh, uh, he’s in room 218, mmkay?” The man nodded and gestured.

“Thanks.” Craig moved on, but he got the impression the guy was staring at him for some reason.

Room 218 was easy enough to find, and he knocked on the door. A bored voice called out “Yeah?” and Craig opened it carefully.

The room was bare, clearly it was already packed up for the year. A man sat at the desk, leaning back in his chair with his feet on the desk. He was bald on the top of his head, with only gray on the sides. In his hands was a book. He turned the page without looking up. “Can I help you?”

Craig stared at the man. He seemed relatively normal; maybe Tweek and Clyde really were pulling his leg? He cleared his throat. “I’m Craig Tucker. I called you about the instruments.”

The guy nodded. “You can use them. It’s not the like my dumbass students can play them, but maybe your youth group isn’t full of complete morons.”

Craig’s eyes narrowed. “So where are they?”

“One of those cupboards.” Garrison answered. “The key’s in the drawer here.”

Craig waited a moment, but it was obvious Garrison wasn’t going to trouble himself to get it out, so he stepped forward. Out of habit, he glanced at the book to see what he was reading. His eyes widened; the book was called “Hot Head” and the cover had a picture of two heavily muscled, shirtless men standing together, and a picture of a fire underneath. He started to blush just looking at the cover and immediately averted his eyes.

He opened the drawer of the desk and found the key laying next to a picture that made him blush even harder. There was a man dressed in a dark had and a vest, clearly shirtless, laying on his stomach with his feet in the air, smiling in a sultry way at the camera. Below it was written Forever Yours, Mr. Slave!

“My ex.” Garrison commented. Craig’s eyes snapped up to see him looking indifferently at Craig. “He left me when I turned into a woman, then when I turned back into a man he wouldn’t come back. Asshole.”

Craig wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he went back to the instruments. They looked to be in good shape, so he loaded them into his car, making sure to tell Mr. Garrison exactly what he was taking. The teacher didn’t even seem to notice, and when Craig thanked him he seemed genuinely surprised that Craig was still there.

After putting the instruments in his office and sending an email to Garrison confirming his list, Craig was STARVING. Should he go to Tweak Bros? What if Tweek was mad at him or something? Maybe it would be better to go back to that Chinese place, or maybe that taco place Clyde raved about. No; if Tweek had a problem Craig wanted to know. He’d never backed down from a fight in his life, he wasn’t going to start now.

Getting in his car, he drove towards Tweak Bros and pulled into the parking lot. It was surprisingly empty; normally there were at least a few cars here. He made his way to the door and frowned when he saw the sign.

Our Beans have achieved enlightenment. We will brew again once they reincarnate.
Tweak Bros is temporarily closed.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Be back soon. Breath deeply. Drink elsewhere.
Namaste.

That explained a lot. He sighed.

“Craig!”

Craig turned in surprise to see Clyde hurrying up to him. “Dude, I went to church looking for you! Where did you go?”

“I had a meeting with Garrison today.” Craig sighed. “It was…interesting.”

“Dude, never mind that. Have you talked to Token or Tweek today?”

“No.” Craig shook his head. “Are they all right?”

Clyde shook his head. “Can you drive me to Tweek’s place? I’ll fill you in.”

“There’s got to be a logical explanation.” Token insisted.

“There is.” Tweek’s mom answered. “Ghosts and demons are attacking the coffee shop.” She kept rubbing Tweek’s back soothingly, trying to calm him down from his ongoing panic attack.

“They must have been attracted to our fresh local ingredients!” Mr. Tweak nodded. “Maybe we accidentally used soil from a native burial ground to grow our beans.”

“That makes sense.” Mrs. Tweak agreed.

“No it doesn’t!” Token protested. “Maybe one of the coffee machines malfunctioned, or there was a wiring problem or something, and the coffee pot shattered from the force of a small explosion. Maybe there’s a problem with your air conditioning or something that knocked over a table with a blast of air!”

Before Tweek’s parents could respond, Clyde opened the door and came in, with Craig following close behind. Tweek let out a loud gasp and visibly tried to pull himself together, but he was hyperventilating and grabbing his mom’s hand for support. To Token’s surprise, Craig rushed to Tweek and knelt before him, taking his other hand gently. “Are you OK, Tweek?” He asked, his voice soft. “It’s OK, breathe in…out…in…out…” Tweek seemed to visibly calm down as Craig spoke in that flat, monotone voice.

“Dude, you’re like the Tweek whisperer!” Clyde exclaimed.

Tweek flushed. “GAH!” He shrieked. “The coffee shop is haunted! We got attacked by a ghost and it destroyed my favourite coffee pot!!”

“It’s not haunted.” Token insisted, hoping against hope that Craig was reasonable enough not to get caught up in this insanity. “There was an incident this morning; Tweek went to the shop and was playing the piano, and there was some kind of incident and stuff got wrecked.”

“By GHOSTS!” Tweek screamed. “OH JESUS!” He leapt up and grabbed Token by the shirt. “How else do you explain it?!”

Token took Tweek by the shoulders, trying to make him see sense. “A homeless man, and maybe his kid, were hiding out there. When your parents left that care package, the guy was insulted and destroyed the place. While they were there they fiddled with the air conditioning or the steam valves or furnace or something, caused some issues, and they blew up while you were there.”

“You didn’t see him that night.” Mr. Tweak’s voice was gentle but firm. “He wasn’t just focused, he was…I can’t even explain it. We were screaming his name but he didn’t hear us. He was almost insane, hammering on the keys and his fingers moving like lightning. It was scary.”

“And something grabbed my leg!” Tweek wailed. “It tried to keep me there!”

That didn’t mean anything. Tweek might be flighty, but he could be incredibly determined and laser-focused when something interested him. That had to be what happened. Token looked over at Craig and Clyde, hoping for support, but they both clearly wanted to stay out of it. Tweek finally let go of him at least, and Token straightened his shirt collar.

Token sighed. “Look, before we starting talking about ghosts, maybe just have a repairman come by to check the store out and see if he can locate any problems.”

“We need an expert opinion.” Mr. Tweak agreed. Suddenly he looked excited. “Who are those people Jimmy’s working with?”

“No!” Token’s eyes widened. “They’re total frauds! You can’t involve those lunatics in this!”

“The Warrens.” Mrs. Tweak smiled. “Tweek showed me their website the other day. It’s very impressive.”

“You can’t!” Token protested.

“Was there a way to contact them?” Mr. Tweak asked, sounding relieved. As they made their way to the computer room, Token looked around in shock. Clyde looked nervous, clearly remembering the brutal argument between Token and Jimmy over the Warrens. Tweek just looked scared, and Craig seemed surprisingly protective as he helped Tweek sit down. Clearly Token wasn’t getting help from any of them.

“You don’t have to be so angry.” Tweek muttered. “Just because you don’t believe doesn’t mean it’s not true. I believe it.”

Token knelt down, fighting to stay calm. “Tweek, I’m saying this as your friend.” Tweek looked up, and out of the corner of his eye Token saw Clyde tense. “In the years we’ve been friends, you’ve believed that ravens are part of a government surveillance project.”

“That raven followed me home and you know it!” Tweek insisted.

“You thought that your parents put listening devices on you and were following you around because they were secretly CIA agents.” Token reminded him. Craig looked confused at that, but Token kept going. “You once accused your own reflection of being a clone sent to test you, and you refused to leave the bathroom until Clyde and I came in to test you by asking you questions about yourself.” Tweek’s face turned red. “You once claimed that steamed milk was ‘mind control vapor’ and literally threw my coffee out our classroom window screaming that you won’t be reprogrammed.” He felt bad bringing up the next one in front of Craig, but he needed Tweek to see reason. “For years, you believed that tiny gnomes were coming into your house at night to steal your underwear, and that they had a secret underwear-based economy underground.”

Craig looked like he was trying not to laugh, and Tweek looked furious that Token brought that up. “If you’re not going to help, Token, then get the fuck out!” He screamed.

Clyde looked like he was about to cry. “Come on, dudes! Don’t argue in front of the priest!” He gestured towards Craig. Craig looked completely lost, like he wasn’t sure what to say or do.

Token sighed. “Look, let’s sleep on this. Can we talk tomorrow?”

Tweek glared at him. “Fine. Tomorrow.”

Once Token got home, he sat at his desk, thinking carefully. OK, emotions had been running high today, so reasonable discussion was useless. He would talk to Tweek tomorrow about it, and apologize for making personal attacks. Then he could address his issues with those frauds. But what could he say, when Tweek and his parents were hysterical and convinced those two were their only salvation?

He reluctantly pulled up the website Jimmy was making for them, along with Jimmy’s blog, and reviewed them. There was a lot about their previous cases, and Token opened the Annabelle page, rolling his eyes at the descriptions of evil and demonic activity. He was just about to close it when his eyes fell on a line about a police detective involved. Frowning, he looked at some other cases, and sure enough there were notes about law enforcement involvement.

Pulling out a notebook, he began looking up phone numbers.

Chapter Text

Once Token left, nobody seemed to know what to say. Tweek was shaking, but Craig wasn’t sure if that was because of Token, the attack at Tweak Bros, or if this was his usual twitchiness. He looked at Clyde for help, but Clyde still looked ready to cry.

Tweek growled. “I need to go for a walk.” He muttered.

“We’ll come with you!” Clyde looked relieved as he spoke up. Craig was torn between being annoyed at Clyde for speaking for him and relief that he was automatically included and didn’t have to invite himself along.

“Stay away from the shop.” Tweek’s dad called after them. “Maybe go to the lake or something.”

“Good idea.” Clyde agreed.

“The lake?” Craig asked as they went to the door and put on their shoes.

“Stark’s Pond.” Tweek twitched. “It’s basically a lake.”

“What’s the difference between a lake and a pond?” Clyde asked curiously/sounding curious.

Craig frowned. He’d never actually thought of that before. “I don’t know.” He admitted.

“Maybe lakes are just bigger.” Tweek suggested.

“Or deeper.” Craig commented. They stepped outside and closed the door behind them.

Tweek twitched. “Maybe there’s, like, a secret underground naming rebellion fighting a war over it!”

“Talk about a war of words.” Craig joked. Clyde snorted with laughter, and Tweek smiled. Craig looked at Clyde; he’d called Craig “the Tweek whisperer” once, but now Clyde was the one who’d almost effortlessly managed to distract Tweek from everything. Craig wondered if he’d done it on purpose or if it was a total accident.

They walked quietly after that, none of them apparently willing to break the silence.

“So, Stark’s Pond.” Craig finally commented. “I was thinking of having a youth event there. Like a picnic or an overnight camping trip or something.”

“The kids would love that.” Clyde nodded. “Stark’s Pond is awesome. We go camping there all the time!”

“You and Tweek?” Craig asked.

“Yeah, and…and Jimmy.” Clyde looked like he just barely avoided mentioning Token’s name. He grinned. “Bro, we’ve got to introduce you to Jimmy when he gets back. He’s, like, the funniest dude in the world, and he’s got no shame so he does the craziest things.” He laughed out loud. “I remember one time we had the town tree lighting ceremony at Christmas, and the mayor had the brilliant idea of having Jimmy do the actual lighting. She wanted to run for governor or something and was trying to get good press, so she made this big speech about inclusion and sadness, and brought Jimmy out like he was fucking Tiny Tim.”

Craig raised his eyebrows. “She sounds…charming.”

Clyde snorted. “Anyways, Jimmy’s pissed that he’s being used like that. So, the thing you need to know is that he has a stutter. It’s actually gotten better now, but it was really bad back then. So this madman, he plays along and mentions wanting to sing a Christmas carol first, and the mayor agrees.” Craig looked at him expectantly, and Clyde grins widely. “He sings The Twelve Days of Christmas in full.”

Craig’s eyes widened. “Was it bad?”

Tweek started laughing too. “It took him over an hour! The mayor almost fell asleep from boredom waiting for him to finish.”

Craig couldn’t resist grinning as he imagined the scene. “They didn’t stop him or just leave?”

“They couldn’t!” Clyde was laughing now. “The mayor couldn’t throw out a disabled kid singing Christmas songs! And what kind of monster leaves in the middle of that?”

“He finally finished and the mayor’s just like ‘IT’S OVER!’” Tweek cackled.

Craig was laughing now too. “I hope I get to meet him soon!”

They were still laughing as they entered the woods and made their way to the pond. Craig looked around appreciatively; he liked being outdoors. Tweek looked considerably calmer as he sat down at a picnic table, and Craig and Clyde joined him.

Craig finally decided to address the elephant in the room. “So what happened this morning?” He asked directly. “I didn’t really understand much besides a ghost or spirit attacked you?”

Tweek started speaking, his voice getting higher and more frantic with each word. “GAH! I couldn’t sleep last night so I went for a walk and went to the coffee shop at 1 AM and started playing the piano and suddenly mom and dad were there and it was hours later and everything was blowing up and SOMETHING GRABBED ME AND TRIED TO DRAG ME AWAY AND THEN IT ALL STOPPED AND NOW WE’RE CLOSED!!!!”

Craig stared in shock. “Wait. Something grabbed you?”

“I’M NOT CRAZY!” Tweek screeched.

“No, but…remember that happened to me?” Craig pointed out. “I was trying to pick up that picture of you guys as kids and I saw somebody, then he threw me into the storage room?”

Clyde’s eyes widened. “Right! That weird guy with a beard! We never found any trace of him.”

Craig nodded. “Is there any chance you saw somebody holding on to you?” He asked Tweek.

Tweek shook his head. “No! I looked back but there wasn’t anything there but something definitely grabbing my leg! OH JESUS!!” He wailed.

“I don’t think you’re crazy.” Craig told him. Tweek looked sharply at him, and Craig tried to talk as calmly as possible. “There’s something weird going on. Like how the piano closed on my hands, and I saw that weird guy. You saw a strange kid too.”

Clyde snapped his fingers as he looked up. “I had issues with the piano too! I was playing it while Bebe sang and it closed on my hands!”

“But Tweek was able to play it.” Craig pointed out. “The first time I met you guys he was playing the piano, and he said he played last night. Did it close on you at all?” He asked Tweek.

Tweek shook his head. “My parents pulled me away from it. That’s when everything started going crazy.”

Craig and Clyde exchanged looks; Craig could tell that Clyde didn’t know what to say either.

Tweek sighed. “And I don’t know what Token’s problem is.”

Clyde shrugged. “Token doesn’t like scam artists. He thinks that’s what these people are doing, and he’s pissed that people are falling for it.”

Craig sighed. That was as good a reason as any, but still...”Well, I hope they can help you.” He shook his head. “You know, JFK got medicated by this quack doctor all the time, and his friends kept telling him the guy was full of shit and his medicine wasn’t real. Kennedy told them that he didn’t care if it was horse piss; it worked. So whatever the truth is, I hope the Warrens can do something.”

The next morning, as Tweek’s parents tried to reach the Warrens, Token and Tweek had what amounted to a peace conference. Token sat carefully at one end of the table, deliberately putting his pile of notes in front of him. He’d been up all night preparing for this conversation; he didn’t like fighting with his friends, but he needed Tweek to see reason. Tweek sat at the other end, and Token was relieved to see that he was still angry but at least he seemed willing to listen. Craig was at church, but Clyde was there too, deliberately sitting between them on the long side of the table, clearly taking a neutral stance.

Since he knew he’d embarrassed Tweek last night, Token spoke first. He wanted to get this meeting off to a good start. “Ok, first I want to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have resorted to personal attacks or told embarrassing stories about you.”

“I don’t think Craig really heard them.” Clyde looked back and forth between them. “He didn’t mention them at all afterwards.”

Tweek growled. “That’s not the point! It was humiliating, and you basically, gnnngh, called me an idiot!” He glared at Token.

“I’m sorry.” Token repeated. “It’s just…you talked about hiring those people and I got so angry. When you starting taking the Warrens seriously, you’re supporting people who are either frauds, morons, or totally crazy.”

“Why do you think they’re crazy?!” Tweek squawked. “You’ve heard the things they’ve done! You saw Jimmy’s website! You read his blog!”

“Yes.” Token sighed. “But I decided to really look into it, not just read their own press.” He picked up the first stack of papers, carefully written out and stapled together, including a table of contents. “The Annabelle doll, for example. There’s a whole history behind it, but none of it can be corroborated. There’s no evidence for any of it. The only thing that they could possibly prove is that it used to belong to a nursing student in Connecticut, but they’ve never identified her beyond a first name and nobody’s ever come forward to say it was them. All the ‘evidence’,” Token uses his fingers to make quotation marks, “comes from the Warrens themselves. There’s no proof of anything they’ve said!”

Clyde frowned. “I don’t know, that doll is really creepy.”

“Besides, maybe she doesn’t want the demon to find her!” Tweek pointed out, sounding agitated.

“If the demon is really contained, why would that be an issue?” Token pointed out. Tweek looked frustrated, so he decided to move on. “Next case: this thing in London. A girl claims to be possessed and that the house is haunted.”

“Their house was trashed!” Tweek insisted. “I saw pictures!”

“So did I.” Token agreed. “I also spoke to some other paranormal investigators who told me there was proof the whole thing was faked.” He pulled out the next packet of papers and went to the correct page. “There were several paranormal investigators there, including the Warrens. They all examined the house and the family. Not only was there no evidence for their claims but the other investigators saw proof it was all fake. They actually saw the girl throwing things around and pretending to be scared. Then they left. Once the other investigators confirmed the whole thing was a hoax and left, guess what? The Warrens suddenly go rushing back because they ‘found proof’,” Token used his fingers again, “That everything was real after all and the demon or ghost or whatever was trying to get rid of them all, and it actually had a grudge against the Warrens. Coincidentally, the girl’s mom started shopping for book deals afterwards.”

Tweek looked unsettled at that. Good. Maybe Token was finally getting through to him. He moved his papers over and picked up the third packet. “So, going back to Connecticut, let’s talk about Arne Johnson.”

“He claimed he killed somebody because he was possessed by a demon!” Tweek sounded triumphant. “He even got less time because of it!”

“No, he didn’t.” Token sighed. That stupid myth had caused him so many problems in his research; it took him forever to cut through the bullshit and find out what really happened. He’d finally had the courthouse fax some documents to his dad’s fax machine so he could read them for himself. “He tried to plead not guilty and blame demons, but the courts wouldn’t allow it. He ended up arguing self defense. The entire family says it’s all lies and the little kid, David, was mentally ill. The only people who argue it was real are the guy himself and his wife, and let’s be real, they have a vested interest in saying it wasn’t his fault. Meanwhile, the Warrens show up, say it’s real, and immediately begin talking about books and movies!” Token put down the papers and looked at Tweek desperately. “Please, Tweek. Please see the pattern here. Time and again it’s a bunch of unverified and unproven claims, there’s either no evidence or proof it’s a total hoax. And every time, suddenly the Warrens show up insisting it’s real.” He stared at Tweek, willing him to hear what Token was saying.

Tweek looked completely torn. He looked at Clyde, then back at Token. Clyde just looked confused. Finally Tweek spoke. “Craig said something last night.” Token leaned forward curiously. “He talked about JFK getting drugs from a crazy guy, and saying that even if they’re fake, they work.” Token felt himself losing the argument as Tweek kept talking. “Even if they’re fakes, they still help people. I want to talk to them.”

Token stared at him helplessly.

Jimmy stared at the Annabelle doll. She stared back at him menacingly. Even if it wasn’t really haunted, it was still creepy as hell. He raised his camera and took a picture of her; maybe he could use it to scare Clyde when he got home. Putting the camera back in his shoulder bag, he pulled out his notebook and went back to taking notes.

Ed was walking around with a priest, watching carefully as the priest blessed the room. Jimmy had spent a few minutes talking with Father Poulter, and he’d confirmed that he came by at least once a month to bless the room. He, at least, seemed to believe the Warrens were legitimate, and he’d promised Jimmy an interview for his articles later.

Judy was hovering near the door. Jimmy had noticed that she was approaching him more and more, so his campaign to make her more comfortable with disabled people was clearly working. He gave her a friendly smile and her face lit up.

As Ed and Father Poulter approached Jimmy quickly moved out of the way, making sure his crutches didn’t bang into anything. Judy looked like she wanted to give him a hand, but to his relief she restrained herself; he didn’t like it when people just assumed he needed help.

“Are you hungry?” She asked, sounding nervous. “I can make you lunch.”

Jimmy shook his head, smiling. “Thanks, but I’m not very hungry. I want to watch this.” He raised his camera and took a picture as the priest raised his hand and spoke a prayer.

“Are you sure?” Judy sounded anxious for some reason. “I make a GREAT grilled cheese sandwich.”

Jimmy fought the urge to sigh. He wasn’t sure why Judy was so determined to keep feeding him, but he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable again. Besides, it would take a few minutes to make a grilled cheese. “That sounds great. Thank you!” He grinned at her.

Smiling, Judy vanished. Jimmy shook his head. She seemed to go from comfortable to nervous almost randomly, he couldn’t figure her out. Still, you couldn’t go wrong with a grilled cheese sandwich!

Once the priest finished his blessings, they all made their way into the kitchen. Judy was standing over a plate cutting two grilled cheese sandwiches on a plate, and Lorraine was setting out chicken sandwiches for Ed and Father Poulter. “Perfect timing, lunch is ready.”

As Jimmy sat down, Judy hurried over and put the plate in front of him. There were two toasted sandwiches cut like triangles, with thick melted cheddar in the middle. He smiled warmly at her. “Thanks, J-j-judy.” He noticed her watching him nervously as he took a bite, so once he swallowed he grinned at her. “D-d-delicious!”

She blushed and sat across from him, taking careful bites of what looked like a ham sandwich as she watched him eat.

As Jimmy worked on his grilled cheese, he listened intently while Ed and Lorraine discussed some kind of vision she’d had recently. It didn’t seem to make any sense, as far as Jimmy could tell; there was something about music, and a coffin. He hesitated, and when there was a pause in the conversation, Jimmy looked over at her. “Would I b-b-be able to record that v-vision later for my blog?” He could add it to an article or book afterwards too, if he decided to publish details of his summer.

Lorraine and Ed exchanged looks. “I don’t see why not.” Lorraine touched his arm gently. “Just let us figure out what it means first.”

He jumped at the sound of “Fur Elise” suddenly coming from his bag, and realized that he must have left his phone in there. Mom had gotten him a Nokia phone so he could call them while he was working on his article, or in case an emergency popped up and he needed to speak to his doctors, but he still wasn’t used to it. He usually left it in his bedroom, but he’d stuck it in his shoulder bag this morning when he went for a walk and didn’t think to put it away afterwards.

“Sorry.” He blushed and apologized as everybody looked at him. “I f-f-forgot to leave this upstairs.”

“You should answer it.” Jimmy looked in surprise at Lorraine; she had a strange, intense look on her face. “I think it’s important.”

Jimmy shrugged and pulled out the phone, trying to ignore them all staring at him. “H-h-hello?”

“Jimmy!” Tweek’s voice shrieked, making him jump again.

“Hey T-tweek.” Jimmy frowned. It wasn’t like Tweek to phone him like this; usually they emailed or talked on MSN. “What’s up?”

Tweek started talking at the speed of light. “I THOUGHT I SAW A KID IN THE BATHROOM! AND CRAIG GOT ATTACKED AND I STARTED PLAYING PIANO FOR HOURS AND MOM AN DAD HELPED ME AND WE GOT ATTACKED AND THE SHOP EXPLODED AND WE NEED HELP!!!”

Jimmy paused. He had only gotten a couple of words out of that. “What?”

“GAH!!!” Tweek shrieked. “IT ATTACKED CRAIG, THEN ME!”

“Craig? That p-p-priest or whatever? What attacked him?” If they were in person, Jimmy knew a few tricks to calm Tweek down, but over the phone it was impossible. He wanted to ask if Clyde was there but that would probably set Tweek off again because he’d think Jimmy was calling him crazy. Which was hilarious, because if Jimmy wanted to talk to somebody sane and rational, Clyde wouldn’t be his first choice.

“I DON’T KNOW!” Tweek screamed.

“Is your friend all right?” Lorraine asked gently. “We can hear him screaming.”

“I’m n-n-not sure.” Jimmy admitted. “He’s k-kind of worked up.”

“We got attacked by a ghost!!” Tweek wailed. “Why would it attack Craig? He’s so hot!”

Jimmy glanced up quickly. To his relief, the Warrens just looked amused. Judy just looked confused, and Father Poulter seemed to be doing his best to pretend he wasn’t listening.

“You think I’m hot?” A nasal voice came from the background.

“AAAAHHHH!” Tweek screamed.

“Are you OK?” Lorraine asked, leaning towards the phone.

“OH JESUS!!!” The line went dead.

All four of them stared at the phone. Jimmy looked around awkwardly. “My f-f-friend has bad anxiety.” He tried to explain.

“He said they got attacked by a ghost.” Ed commented. “Do you think he was serious, or just messing with you?”

Jimmy shook his head. “He d-doesn’t play pranks like that. If he said it, he b-believed it. Whether it’s t-t-true or not…” he shrugged helplessly.

The phone rang again, and they all looked at it. Jimmy hesitated, but hit the button. “Hello?”

“Hi Jimmy, it’s Helen Tweak.” Mrs. Tweak’s voice was friendly. “Tweek needed to take a moment and have some coffee. Richard and I wanted to call you back right away. Here’s what’s going on…”

“Hang on.” Jimmy stopped her. “I’m g-g-going to hold out the phone so the Warrens can hear you.”

“Thank you, dear.” Mrs. Tweak sounded grateful as Jimmy turned the volume up as much as possible and held out the phone.

As she spoke, the Warrens listened carefully.

Chapter Text

Tweek shot out of the room like his ass was on fire. Screaming insanely, he literally jumped out of the living room window to escape. Clyde could hear Mrs. Tweak saying something, but he just shouted over his shoulder “I’ll find him!” He raced out the front door with Craig hot on his heels. It was useless though. Tweek used to be on the track team at school, and he was powered by panic and caffeine. So deep down, Clyde knew he’d never catch up.

As Tweek disappeared around the corner, Craig sighed. “Now what?”

Clyde looked at him with wide eyes. He’d been so focused on Tweek that he hadn’t even realized that Craig had just heard Tweek call him “hot”. He swallowed. “Ummm…” Damn, he wished Token or Jimmy were here. They were smart enough, they could make something up, but Clyde was a terrible liar. “Tweek…what he said…I mean, I think he was just…”

“Bro, it’s OK.” Craig looked embarrassed. “I already know he likes me.”

“You do?” Clyde asked, stunned.

“Yeah.” Craig stared at the ground. “I’ve known for a while.”

Clyde was shocked. For all the teasing they’d done about Tweek’s obvious crush, it never occurred to them that Craig might notice too.

“And you’re OK with it?” Clyde wanted to be clear on that point. Craig might have just ignored it hoping he was wrong, but maybe he didn’t care. After all, didn’t he have to be celibate as a priest? Or was that at a higher level than him? Clyde hadn’t attended Mass in years, but even if he went twice weekly and hung out at the Church after school like Scott Malkinson, he could never be a priest because the vow of celibacy would kill him.

Craig nodded. “It’s…Tweek’s awesome.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t bug me.”

“Cool.” Clyde glanced back in the same direction Tweek had gone running. “Look, I’m going to go find him and try to calm him down.”

“Should I come?” Craig asked, sounding nervous for some reason.

Clyde shook his head. “He’ll just freak out if he sees you. But I’m sure he’ll want to talk to you later, OK?”

Craig nodded, looking disappointed.

Luckily, it was easy finding Tweek. South Park was small, and there were only a handful of places Tweek could hide out when he was upset. Since the weather was great, Clyde headed straight for Stark’s Pond. Sure enough, Tweek was sitting cross-legged on the dock, so Clyde made his way down. Tweek ran faster, but Clyde won most of their swimming races and he knew he could catch Tweek if he tried to swim away.

As his feet hit the wood and the dock started to rock, Tweek’s head snapped around and he gasped loudly. Clyde holds his hands up. “I come in peace.”

Tweek looked completely lost. Clyde didn’t know what to say, so he just sat down on the dock next to him. They sat quietly for a few minutes as the gentle waves rocked the dock back and forth.

“GAH!” Tweek suddenly screamed.

“Whoa!” Clyde fell backwards in surprise. The dock tilted again, and he came dangerously close to rolling into the water.

“I SCREWED IT UP!” Tweek wailed. “Now Craig knows and he hates me!” He grabbed his hair, screaming again as Clyde managed to sit back up.

“Dude, dude, stop it!” Clyde winced in sympathy as Tweek tore at his own hair. He was never any good at dealing with emotions. He grabbed Tweek’s hands, trying to calm him down. “Craig’s fine, he’s fine, he’s fine!” Clyde repeated desperately. “He doesn’t hate you, he’s fine!”

“You don’t know that.” Tweek muttered. At least he wasn’t screaming, but he still looked freaked out.

“I do.” Clyde told him. He held Tweek’s hands tightly. “Craig told me he’s known for a while now. And he hasn’t ditched you or anything.”

Tweek stared, looking shocked. “Craig knows?!” He squawked.

“Yeah.” Clyde nodded reassuringly.

“How did he find out?” Tweek demanded.

Clyde paused. “I don’t know.”

“How long has he known?” Tweek looked almost insane.

“I don’t know.” Clyde shrugged.

Tweek looked frustrated. “So, you know nothing.”

Clyde looked at him in annoyance. “I know that he knows you’re gay and he’s fine with it. I know you don’t have to freak out over this. That’s more than you knew a minute ago.”

Tweek closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’m just freaked out.”

“It’s gonna be OK.” Clyde promised him. “And even if he turns out to be a douchebag about it, Token and I can beat him up.” He put his arms around Tweek comfortingly.

Tweek sniffled into his shoulder.

Once the Warrens had decided to head to South Park, things moved quickly. Jimmy was introduced to Drew, the Warrens’ technical assistant. He quickly found out that Drew’s specialty was in cameras and recording equipment.

Drew crouched beside one of the heavy black cases he’d lugged in, flipping the latches with a flourish. “Alright, check this out,” he said, pulling out a camcorder with wires coiled neatly around it. “This baby’s got full-spectrum capability.” Jimmy was lost already, and Drew grinned at him. “That means we can pick up light the naked eye can’t see. Handy for catching stuff that doesn’t want to be caught.” He set it down carefully and rummaged for a second device, a squat box bristling with lights and tiny antennas. “This is an EMF detector. Spirits are supposed to mess with electromagnetic fields, so if it spikes, we know something’s close.” His grin widened as he tapped the side of the box, making the lights flicker. “And this one’s my personal favorite. It’s rigged to record infrasound.”

Jimmy frowned. “I-infrasound?”

Drew nodded eagerly. He looked thrilled to be able to talk about his equipment. “That’s low-frequency noise people usually can’t hear, but it can mess with your head, make you feel like you’re being watched. If something invisible is trying to mess with us, we’ll know about it.” He closed the heavy cases and put them in the trunk. “Here, I should be able to fit your suitcase in as well.” He offered.

To Jimmy’s surprise, Judy hugged him tightly, nearly knocking him over as she gasps out a breathless “Goodbye, Jimmy! Come back soon!” That was a good thing, Jimmy decided. She must be getting more comfortable with him, maybe even with disabled people in general? “And stay safe.” She added firmly.

“I will, don’t worry.” He grinned down at her. “I’m g-g-going to die in my 80s after winning an EGOT and hosting the l-l-late show for decades.”

She giggled into his chest. “You’re so funny.” Jimmy grinned, but she hugged him tighter. “I made you sandwiches for the road too.”

Jimmy felt very pleased with himself. When he’d first gotten there she’d barely talked to him, but now she was constantly hanging around him and laughing at his jokes. And she was always asking him what he was working on, or offering to do his laundry, making him food, almost like she was his…

Oh. Oh fuck. The realization crashed over Jimmy like a wave. Judy wasn’t uncomfortable around him. It was the opposite. She had a crush on him. And all this time, trying to make her more comfortable, Jimmy had been accidentally encouraging her.

Forget demons. Ed was going to castrate him and bury him alive. Or feed him to Annabelle.

“Come on, Jimmy.” Drew called over. “You can ride with me.”

“Bye Jimmy!” Judy finally let him go.

“Bye.” He answered awkwardly. Turning, he tossed his bags into the trunk of Drew’s car and nervously climbed in.

“So…” Jimmy badly needed to get his mind off his own stupidity, so as they drove, he took the opportunity to talk to Drew alone. “How long have you b-been with the Warrens?”

“A few years now.” Drew leaned back in his seat, his hands still gripping the wheel. “They were looking for technical help and put out an ad in the paper. I took the job out of curiosity, and I’ve been working with them ever since.”

“Have you ever s-seen p-p-proof of what they do?” Jimmy pressed.

“Oh yeah.” Drew shivered. “I’ve seem some nasty things in this job. There was this one house in Connecticut…” He looked almost sick. “And this poor kid in the UK, with that man trapped inside her, basically screaming for help.”

“Right.” Jimmy snapped his fingers as he remembered. “I read the c-case file. That was the Hodgsons?”

Drew nodded. “That was freaky.” He admitted. “We’re sitting there with this 11-year-old girl, she looked like any kid coming home from elementary school, and suddenly she starts growling and roaring and…yeah, it was terrifying.”

“And you g-g-got those two recordings.” Jimmy added. “Ed let me l-listen to them.”

Drew shook his head. “I tell you, you want proof God blessed them? Those recordings falling perfectly so Ed knew to play them together is pretty much proof enough/proof enough for me.”

Jimmy nodded. “That was a little girl?” He confirmed.

“Oh yeah. Tiny little thing.” Drew sighed. “I hope she’s doing better now.”

Craig gripped his hands together tightly as he prayed. His knees ached on the hard church floor, and his eyes were fixed on the altar and the enormous cross on the wall behind it. He took a shaky breath and tried to focus.

Four days. He hadn’t seen Tweek in four days. After just a few weeks, Craig needed Tweek the way other people needed water or sunlight; Tweek was second only to God Himself in Craig’s heart. He knew it was a sin; that Tweek SHOULD be nothing more than a friend. And really, he wasn’t… Except for how much Craig enjoyed seeing him.

He prayed for help to get over these intense feelings he had for the other boy. For them to be good friends and nothing else.

All his life, when he prayed, Craig had felt the presence of the Lord within him, the warmth and love He had for all His creations. Now though, all he felt was cold. Empty. Like he was shouting at a closed door. For the first time, prayer and the Church didn’t feel like home anywhere.

After he finished his prayers, Craig looked around. The church was almost empty; Father Maxi sat in the front pew several rows away, talking quietly with Scott Malkinson; the two often debated biblical passages with each other. Craig knew he could join them, but he wasn’t in the mood for theology. Maybe he should ask Father Maxi to hear his confession? No, he shouldn’t interrupt them while they were talking.

Maybe he should just go home and read. Tweek had been avoiding him for four days, and while Token hadn’t said anything, Craig could tell he was pissed off that he’d talked Tweek into calling those ghost hunters. Clyde was still cool, but Craig felt like he was keeping him from his other friends when they hung out.

Suddenly, the idea came to him and he went over to talk to Father Maxi. It turned out he and Scott had been having a friendly debate about Exodus, but they seemed to be wrapping things up. They both smiled at him as he sat down.

“How’s it going, bro?” Scott grinned.

“Hello, my son.” Father Maxi smiled. Craig always liked the way he smiled; there was something very warm and friendly and comforting about it

“Hey Scott. Hello, Father.” Craig shifted. “May I ask you something?”

“Of course.” Father Maxi nodded encouragingly.

“Have you ever heard of Ed and Lorraine Warren?”

The smile faltered. “I have.” Father Maxi’s voice was still friendly, but he sounded tense.

Craig shifted. “You don’t believe them?”

Scott looked confused. “Who are they?”

Father Maxi set down his bible. “They call themselves paranormal investigators. They’ve done considerable research on demons and the occult, and Lorraine Warren is said to be a gifted clairvoyant.” Craig got the impression the priest was choosing his words very carefully. “The truth is, they have a controversial reputation in the church. Some people genuinely believe they help people against demons and the forces of evil. Others believe they’re complete frauds.”

“What do you think?” Scott asked curiously.

Father Maxi sighed. “I believe that they believe in what they’re doing.” Craig nodded, understanding what the priest meant; if they were frauds, it wasn’t deliberate on their part. “Why do you ask?”

Craig hesitated. He wasn’t sure if he should bring this up. “One of my friends thinks he’s being haunted. There’s been weird stuff happening. They’ve called the Warrens for help.”

“Somebody’s being haunted?” Scott sounded amazed. “Who?”

“It’s the Tweaks.” Craig wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be a secret or not. “There’s been weird stuff happening at the coffee shop.”

Father Maxi and Scott exchanged looks. “Weirder than usual, you mean?” Scott asked tentatively.

Craig nodded. “A little while ago, I was attacked by…something. And things keep getting messed up when nobody’s there.”

Father Maxi closed his bible. “I see.” His voice was calm; Craig couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “Perhaps I’ll reach out and meet the Warrens. And see for myself. I must admit, I’m curious.”

Craig breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t trust easily, but he trusted Father Maxi; he was glad the priest was getting involved. He’d know what to do.

Chapter Text

Jimmy hadn’t realized how much he missed his own bedroom until he woke up in it again. It was only a few weeks since he’d left for Connecticut, but it was only now as he lay in his bed, smelling Mom’s detergent on his pillowcase and seeing the familiar posters of girls in bikinis and his favourite comedians that he realized how homesick he’d been. Yawning, he sat up, instinctively grabbing his mobility aids; he didn’t really need them to get out of bed anymore, but muscle memory took over.

They’d been driving for the past three days. They took pretty much the same route Jimmy had taken driving to Connecticut, except without the occasional detour to see things like the World’s Largest Pecan in Missouri or the World’s Largest Ball of Twine in Kansas. Jimmy kind of regretted leaving his car behind and riding with Drew, but on the other hand he’d been able to play DJ and talk and just lose himself in the passing scenery, and it had been really relaxing. They’d finally gotten in last night, and after having a late dinner with his parents Jimmy had gone straight to bed; otherwise, he might have just passed out on the couch. He’d introduce them to the Warrens later, once everybody was rested.

He glanced at his clock. Still early, it was only 7 AM. He was going to meet the Warrens at the Tweaks’ place at noon for lunch and to go over the situation before they visited the coffee shop. Screw it, he had time. He lay back down and closed his eyes.

He was in the middle of a dream where he was having the chicken vs egg argument with an actual chicken for some reason when something heavy landed on him! He woke up with a gasp, trying to move, but strong arms pinned him down as he realized he was being hugged.

“JIMMY!” Clyde sounded thrilled. “Welcome back, dude!”

“Hey Clyde.” Jimmy groaned into Clyde’s shoulder. “I d-d-didn’t consent to sex this early, b-but if you’re that hard up…”

“Fuck you, bro.” Clyde laughed, still not letting Jimmy go. “Dude, it’s been forever!”

“Ok, g-g-good to see you t-too.” Jimmy laughed, pushing at Clyde. Clyde finally released him and sat up with his ass on Jimmy’s legs, and Jimmy grinned at him. “How’s it g-going, bro?”

Clyde’s smile faltered. “Well, Tweak Bros is haunted, and Tweek’s still avoiding Craig.” His smile returned. “Dude, you gotta meet Craig! He’s so cool.”

“I should p-put on pants first.” Jimmy pointed out, pushing himself up into a sitting position and leaning on his elbows. “Not that I m-m-mind somebody making me stay in bed, but…”

“It’s not my fault you’re so sexy.” Clyde teased. He got off Jimmy’s legs, and Jimmy pulled himself out of bed, instinctively putting his arms into his crutches. “Dude, your mom’s making breakfast!”

Jimmy lit up. Ed and Lorraine were good cooks, but his mom knew all his favourites. “J-j-just let me have a shower.”

Clyde fist-bumped him then disappeared. Jimmy shook his head fondly and glanced at his clock. 9:30 AM, perfect. He could have a shower and eat, then Clyde could take him to Tweek’s place.

Tweek stood in the shower for what seemed like hours, letting the cold water wash over him. His friends think he’s nuts, but somehow he always felt better after a cold shower. Maybe it was because his favourite memories were of him swimming in rivers or lakes or going on polar bear swims with his parents on New Years.

He finally turned the water off. As tempting as it was to sit in the shower all day, he knew he had to get dressed and meet the Warrens and finally get whatever’s happening sorted out.

Going back to his room, he pulled on clean boxers and some jeans just as somebody knocked on the door. He had just put on one of his socks when heard an unmistakable voice saying, “Hello, Mrs. T-t-tweak!”

Tweek instantly bolted out of his room, flying down the stairs and careening into the entry hall. There’s a kind-looking woman and a man taking their coats off, but Tweek ignores them both and goes flying into Jimmy, nearly knocking them both over. “JIMMY!!!” He screeched excitedly.

“My ears! I‘m deaf now!” Jimmy laughed, hugging Tweek back. “Good to see you dude!”

Tweek hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Jimmy until now. Token and Clyde were awesome, but jimmy’s patented blend of humor, cleverness, and good advice was something he’d needed for weeks now. “Come on, we’ve got so much to talk about!”

“Tweek? Honey?” Mom sounded amused. “Remember the Warrens? Coffee shop, explosion, any of this ringing a bell?”

Tweek turned bright red as he realized he flew down half-dressed and totally forgot the reason Jimmy was here to begin with.

Jimmy snorted with laughter. “Tweek, this is Ed and Lorraine Warren.”

“Pleasure.” Tweek squeaked. “Excuse me.” He flew back up the stairs.

Once he finished getting dressed, grabbing his remaining sock and a shirt that says “A day without coffee is like…just kidding, I have no idea”, he came back downstairs. Everybody was in the living room now, and he sat on the couch next to Jimmy. Mom passed him his favourite mug with coffee made just how he liked it, and he took a sip to calm himself down.

There was a tape recorder sitting on the table, and Ed pushed the button and introduced himself. He nodded at Tweek. “Your parents said most of it was centered on you, so can you tell us what’s been happening? Start at the beginning.”

Taking a deep breath, Tweek began telling the story. He didn’t leave anything out; the strange kid in the bathroom, the constant damage they found every morning, the attack on Craig, and finishing with whatever happened to him the other night.

“It was terrifying.” Mom’s voice shook. “It’s not unusual for Tweek to go off on his own, but when we got up and saw him out of bed, we got worried; we had this strange feeling, like we just KNEW he was at the coffee shop. We wanted to check and make sure he was OK if he went there, and that nobody tried to hurt him.”

“You weren’t worried about him being out at 1 AM?” Ed sounded surprised.

“Oh no, Tweek’s always been a free spirit.” Dad smiled gently. “We’ve never believed in setting rules or restrictions. We always gave him the best advice we could, then sent him out to make his own mistakes. That’s how you learn.”

Jimmy snorted, probably remembering some of the things Tweek got away with in high school. Tweek twitched, let out a “GAH!”, and shot him a warning look; yes they were permissive, but the last thing he needed was his parents finding out about the time he and Clyde “surfed” in shopping carts down Main Street, or the time he and Jimmy got blackout drunk and woke up the next morning feeling like death in Kyle Broflovski’s backyard, with the only evidence of anything they did being a shaky cell phone video of them singing “Bare Necessities” from The Jungle Book. They’d either lecture him or tell him stories of some of the crazy things they did, and Tweek honestly wasn’t sure which would be worse.

Ed and Lorraine exchanged bewildered looks.

Mom shook her head. “Anyways, we got to the coffee shop about 3:45 AM. Tweek…he looked almost insane.” Tweek could tell Jimmy literally bit his tongue and reminded himself to give him decaf coffee later as a punishment. “He was playing like a madman. That music sounded deranged, like it was seven different melodies at once. His fingers were almost bleeding.”

“It wasn’t just the music.” Dad’s voice was surprisingly serious for once. “The entire coffee shop seemed to be alive. The coffee pots were shaking, the chairs were moving, and when we tried to open the door it…” He hesitated. “It was like something slammed it in our faces. We barely made it in. The two of us were screaming Tweek’s name, but he didn’t even seem to hear us. It was like walking through quicksand as we approached him. We finally got him, and as soon as we did he snapped out of it. But then…” Dad didn’t seem to know what to say after that.

Mom nodded. “Everything started exploding around us, and we tried to get out but something grabbed Tweek and wouldn’t let him go.”

Ed nodded. “And you didn’t see anybody else?”

“Not a soul.” Dad sighed.

“We recently set up a surveillance camera at the coffee shop. If you’d like we can view it when we take you there.” Mom offered.

“That’s a good idea.” Lorraine smiled. “With any luck we’ll get this sorted out very quickly and it’ll turn out there’s nothing to worry about.

“Could I invite a few friends?” Tweek asked. Everybody looked at him, and he hurried to explain. “I have this guy who’s a skeptic, and I thought it might be good to let him see your process.”

“It could be dangerous.” Ed warned.

Tweek nodded. “I’ll tell him.”

“You should also ask C-c-craig.” Jimmy spoke up. Tweek stared at him, and Jimmy shrugged. “Isn’t he a p-priest?”

“Youth Pastor.” Tweek answered, twitching. He knew he needed to talk to Craig, and Clyde swore that Craig was fine with him being gay, but at the same time he was terrified; what if it was just an act? What if Craig hated him?

He swallowed. There was only one way to find out. “I’ll ask him and Father Maxi to meet us there.”