Archive of Our Own ^beta

Everyone, from the very beginning of human perception, asked themselves the question at least once in their lives. It was inevitable, to think about and wonder what happened after death.

Pearly gates, a white light. Reunification with those you lost in life. A lush paradise, of rivers and gardens. Rebirth. An endless slumber. A personalised heaven created to match your tastes, and loved ones. Nothing.

An all consuming presence of God, of being, was the belief that Bobby was inclined towards, provided that he passed through judgment, of course. 

Truthfully, no words could ever be put to even begin to describe what gaining consciousness in the afterlife was actually like. It was far beyond mortal perception, human contemplation.

Clear, light, and entirely whole. All of the body’s aches, even those insignificant enough to not be noticed in life, were gone. Leaving behind this pure warmth, this weightlessness, that was entirely unnatural and yet felt like finally being completed. 

One moment, he was keeled over on the floor of that lab, coughing up blood and praying for mercy to befall on himself and his loved ones. The next, Bobby’s mind came alive again in a different reality, but he didn’t panic or grieve, all prior pain and despair that he'd felt having entirely evaporated from his body. Rather than be greeted by so many questions, about existence itself and his place in the afterlife and his family left behind still on earth, his thoughts were completely at peace, knowing that, with time, it would all come together.

It was strange, how he felt truly alive for the first time only after death. 

There was a sense of presence everywhere, like love itself was alive and all around him, encapsulating him. 

His love, took the form of a bright golden glow, entertwining itself with his soul.

“Daddy,” he heard a call, just as soon as he gained his bearings. From the soft lilting voice of his daughter, Brook. Even without their human forms, he recognised their souls with an instant familiarity, as though they were all he’d ever known and seen. He eagerly embraced both of his children, and his late wife, elation thrumming through his entire being.

“Oh,” he gasped out, feeling radically complete once more. No ill feelings, no grief, no longing for his children. Not anymore.

“You came home to us, we knew you would,” Robbie Junior said, glowing with joy.

“We watched over you,” Brook added. It was a sentiment that Bobby had been subconsciously aware of throughout his life, one that had once felt like a looming pressure to do right by them, but now only felt like a great comfort.

“And we were so proud,” Marcy added. There was no resentment for what he’d done, no rivalry or jealousy that he'd remarried and moved on from her. Love was perfected, here. Only connection and peace existed, their hearts full and understood by one other with no real need for words.

Bobby no longer grieved the life that he’d just lost. While he was achingly aware that his loved ones still on earth had what would feel like an incredibly long and hard journey ahead of them, they would soon be reunited too, and everything would reveal itself to be completely worth it with time. 

Their family would be whole and happy again, some day soon, in paradise. And until then, he had a long overdue play date with his children to occupy himself with.

*

His funeral passed by in a haze of honour and tears. Athena, Harry, May, and Buck marched behind his coffin, the American flags waving in the wind, and his team dressed in their very best for the commencement. Stations from across the city, as well as further away, came to pay their respects. 

Bobby wasn’t one for such blatant displays of extravagance, but it was to be expected for the death of a fire captain. The State payed for those who died on active duty.

His mother and brother stood to the side of his team, arm in arm, beside Athena’s parents and Michael and David. The Fire Chief led the commencement down the streets of LA. Father Brian led his private ceremony inside of the church that he and Athena had their first informal date in.

Both Chimney and Athena gave speeches, Chimney's centered around his gratitude and respect for the Captain he'd been, and Athena's about the man he'd been.

Buck slipped a small note in to his coffin, with the simple words ‘I love you too’ written on it, whilst Eddie rubbed his shoulder in support. May and Harry added their own pieces, tiny tidbits that were meaningful to their relationship.

The necklace he'd clasped around May's neck at her prom, and the small figurine he'd bought Harry the first time that he took him ice skating.

He felt his wife’s prayers reach him, love letters sent through the heart and carried by the almighty powers above, the words reaching him so clearly as though she was speaking right next to him.

Bobby felt content, with the realisation that his own prayers to his first wife and children had also been heard by them. They knew he'd never forgotten them.

His funeral passed by, as did time. It moved differently up here. Eternity, and yet time felt like it simply did not exist, as events happened down on earth without any real feeling of longitude up here. He spent his endless hours with his children, and became inexplicably aware of any and all significant changes to his loved ones down on earth.

Maddie gave birth to a healthy boy, and named him John Robert Han. After John Lee- the man who raised Chimney- and Bobby. 

Buck helped Athena finish building their dream house, the two relying so heavily on one another in the months following his death. Bobby was relieved when Harry returned to LA for good, moving in with his mother to keep her company in the house that they were supposed to share. He didn't want her to be alone, like he had been following Marcy. And he didn't like the thought of Buck being alone either, as the kid had a tendency to self destruct after losses, so it was good that they were coming together.

Buck cared for Athena, and Athena kept Buck from spiralling off track, as did Eddie and Maddie.

They needed each other.

*

“Hello, Mom,” Bobby greeted, just five earth months after his death. To him, it felt like no time had passed at all. One moment he was cherishing being with his children, and the next his mother had joined them. He was giddy, over experiencing his first time welcoming someone else in to their eternal home. Lighthearted in a way that he hadn’t been since a very young age, back on earth. Like a little kid, waiting at the door for mom to come home.

His mother’s soul was as sparkly and grandious as her personality had been, life returning to her after being sucked out so painstakingly during her last weeks, her illness speeding up after the loss of her son.

“There’s my baby,” she replied, soon holding him close. No animosity or ill feelings harboured between them any longer, as she joined him and his family here in Heaven. 

*

Buck had taken it all very hard. 

Eddie placing a kiss to his lips, exactly six months after Bobby’s death, had helped a great deal, shocking the man out of his tears.

The two and Christopher had been living together in very close quarters ever since it happened, so it was a long overdue advancement.

Bobby wished that he could have gloated with the rest of their 118 family about it, about how they'd all seen it coming for years, but he knew his time with Buck and Eddie would come again in due course. 

* 

Vincent Gerrard died from a heart attack, minutes after starting the paperwork to have Eddie removed from the 118, due to ‘inappropriate work behaviour’ between the newly out couple Buck and Eddie.

He didn’t get to file the paperwork, before keeling over.

Bobby did not see him in Heaven.

Hen took over as Captain, but soon handed the reigns over to Buck after deciding that she didn’t feel like the right fit for it, that she didn't want to take on that additional responsibility anymore.

Buck took to the job wonderfully. Albeit emotional and unsteady in his first few shifts as Captain, he soon found his footing for the good of the team. He cooked team dinners, kept up excellent organisation with his clipboard handy, was kind and patient to the new probies, and overall fair to everyone.

Bobby couldn’t be more proud.

*

May graduated from College with honours, and visited his grave prior to the celebration. 

Buck went to the ceremony in Bobby’s stead, sitting at Athena’s side, along with Michael, David, and Harry.

Bobby hoped that she could feel his joy down there.

*

Buck and Eddie had a beautiful wedding, and saved Bobby a chair with a candle lit in his memory. 

Turns out, he could be more proud, when neither of the two invited their parents to the ceremony. 

They began going through the adoption process soon after, ending up with an adorable little girl named Erin.

The Buckley-Diaz family of four was a beautiful sight to behold.

*

Michael’s cancer made an unfortunate return, three years after Bobby’s death. 

This time, he didn’t make it. After a long battle, he passed away in hospital with his husband and children at his side. 

Bobby and Michael’s parents were there to meet him. 

It was wonderful to embrace an old friend.

*

Rather than going straight to College, Christopher and Denny went travelling across the country together, leaving behind two pairs of very worried yet proud parents.

Bobby kept a close eye on them.

*

Harry graduated College in the same year that May got married. 

It was times like that which were the closest to wistful one could get up here.

Both kids longed for him and Michael, they could feel it, as did Athena more and more with each passing day. He and Michael applauded from up above, watching Harry receive his certificate, and May walk down the aisle with her brother in arm.

*

Athena, stubborn as she was, kept going in her line of work for as long as she could. Eventually she was forced in to retirement, the job just too dangerous and physically demanding for a woman approaching sixty five. Her legs gave out whilst on a pursuit, very nearly getting her killed, and that was what finally made her give in, her children needing their last parent alive and well.

Harry was more than happy to move back home after graduating, to keep his mother company and fill her now increasingly lonely days with love. He took very good care of her.

*

Charlie joined him and their mom just two days before Christmas. He'd been alone down there, and so delighted to join them.

*

Karen was the next in their family who died. Heart disease, a family history enunciated by the high stress of her work. It had happened very suddenly, the downfall of such a strong woman.

Hen took early retirement and moved away with Mara, unable to remain in the home tainted by her late wife. They stayed with Athena for a little while, and then left the city completely after finding a new house.

Bobby could understand that, the need to leave and start over.

It struck the rest of their family at the 118 incredibly hard though, her absence.

Of course, they’d recruited and met new people since Bobby died, gotten close with them and begun a second generation of family. But there was something to be said about Bobby’s core group, that was now being broken apart piece by piece.

Things weren’t the same anymore, but it would be okay in the end. They’d all be together again soon.

*

Ravi died in a building collapse, on the job. 

Buck blamed himself, since he’d given the orders for him to go in. 

Even though Ravi had been approaching forty, when he died, everyone still saw him as the young probie he once was, the first probie Buck has ever trained, and a core member of their team. It hurt them all very deeply. 

Bobby and Karen were the only ones there to meet him in Heaven, both of the kid’s parents and his wife still alive and well down there. 

Chimney retired just weeks after the loss, leaving behind only Buck and Eddie with an entirely new 118. 

It was revealed, days after his retirement, the real reason as to why. Maddie had been diagnosed with Alzheimers. 

Buck understandably did not take well to the news, of course, and Bobby could not wait to embrace all of them again.

*

Athena prayed to him every day.

At age 53, twenty years to the day that Bobby died, Buck began to pray too. Sat in Athena’s backyard, holding her hand, praying for his sister's health.

Meanwhile, Eddie prayed for Buck's sanity.

*

Maddie’s decline was slow. As strong a woman as she was, she fought it tooth and nail for fifteen years.

Eventually it got the best of her, it was inevitable. A twisted thing, Alzheimers was. 

As time passed by, and her memories got worse, the last people she remembered was Daniel and her baby brother Evan. 

The last words she spoke was her wedding song, holding Chimney’s hands and inexplicably recalling the lyrics to Islands in the Stream perfectly.

She passed away peacefully in her sleep, after spending the day with Jee-Yun, Jee's daughter Nari, and John. Buck, Eddie, Chris, and Erin had visited her just the day prior, an unexplainable feeling letting them all know that it was time to say their goodbyes before it even happened. 

Chimney was at her bedside, stroking her hair, as she took her last breath.

It was a wonderful sight to see her reunite with her brother Daniel, as though no time had passed between their two kindred spirits. Though he died a little boy, and she an old lady, that difference in age meant nothing up here.

She thanked Bobby for his sacrifice for her husband. He thanked her for making sure that both Chimney and Buck made the most of the life they had left afterwards. 

Joshua and other lost dispatchers welcomed her home too.

*

Athena lived well in to her nineties, still moving around with excellent mental and physical capacities for her age. 

She and Hen met up for lunch in her last week. It had been years since they saw each other face to face, and they spoke so easily just like old friends did, drinking cocktails out in the sun.

On her last day on earth she went to church, and then to the beach with her grandchildren for a picnic. 

She fell asleep on a sun bed, listening to the two youngest of her grandchildren play in the sand, and didn’t wake up again. 

“Sorry for keeping you all waiting,” Athena said with a teasing lilt to her voice, as she was greeted by Bobby, Michael, David, Emmett, Karen, Maddie, and her parents. 

Bobby’s soul burned brighter, at being reunited with her at long last. A dizzying exhilaration. 

The missing pieces of his heart weren’t truly noticeable until they finally snapped back in to place, leaving him feeling impossibly better and better with each family member that he regained.

“These are my children, Brook and Robbie, and this is Marcy,” he introduced, something he’d wanted to do ever since that very first day all those years ago, when Athena welcomed him in to her family with Michael, May, and Harry. 

Athena shined just as brightly as he did. 

“So wonderful to meet you all,” she said, with a genuine sincerity. 

Brook and Robbie practically tackled her in to a hug, Marcy did too.

“Thank you for teaching him to live again,” his first wife said. 

Bobby’s heart was immensely full.

“Bobby, Michael, this is Emmett,” Athena introduced next, to a soul that they had both been very eager to meet ever since coming up here.

They all welcomed each other in to their shared Heavens with great ease. 

*

Hen was the next in their group to pass away, at eighty three. She broke her arm and while in hospital caught an illness that her immune system was just too weak to fight off, their line of work had a tendency to leave a toll on the body after all.

Denny and Mara were in the room with her, Hen’s four grandchildren sat outside in the waiting room eager to see Grandma. 

Her ceremony was beautifully intimate, celebrating the lives that she saved not only in her work but also in her long stint as a foster mother and adoptee to two children.

Karen was the first to greet her wife, the two laughing in pure elation. And Bobby, Athena, Toni, Maddie, and Ravi were eager to reacquaint themselves with her again afterwards. 

*

Mara had a stillborn. A tiny yet ever so bright light, that was quickly retrieved in to both of its grandmas' arms.

*

The passing of Jee-Yun had been a devastating blow. While she wasn’t a little girl, but a woman in her thirties, they all still saw her as just a kid, and it ached no matter the circumstances to have a child surpass a living parent. And it hurt even more that Jee’s own children were still so young. 

She died at work as an EMT, in a helicopter crash. It had been quick, she'd died on impact.

Chimney died upon hearing the news, his heart giving out from the pain.

Maddie reunited with her husband and daughter instantaneously, the two parents shaken by the loss but at peace to have her so close again.

"Thank you for the literal death scare," Chimney said, earning a laugh from both of his girls.

Then came Hen, Karen, Kevin, the Lees, and Jee-Yun Senior.

Then Ravi, Bobby, and Athena added to the pile.

“Thank you,” were Chimney’s first words to him, gratitude sparkling within his soul.

Bobby didn't need to reply that he was blessed to give up his time on earth for him to continue it. That it was what was needed, what was right, as they both went home to their children that day. 

Chimney already knew.

Their family was very nearly whole once again.

Buck and Eddie still had much time to live first, but that was okay. They'd wait.

*

Buck and Eddie both retired after that, to live out the rest of their years in a small house on the beach front, both reeling from the losses and the grief making Buck ill. 

They slowed down, taking to a life of leisure.

Well, as leisurely as those two got anyway. They both still went running along the sand, and swimming far out at sea, even as they got older and greyer. Their rescue dog Smudge took great joy in chasing them, up and down, keeping them both fit.

Christopher, after spending years travelling all around the continent for his work with endangered species, moved back to settle permentantly in LA with his wife Sarah not long after Jee and Chimney's deaths. Their children, Shannon and Conner, followed.

Erin lived in Australia, with her son Miles, and visited on birthdays and Christmas and often paid to have her fathers go there on vacation too, providing a nice escape from it all. 

John Han got particularly close with his uncles, following the loss of his sister and father. He came over for dinner with Jee-Yun’s daughters Nari and Maddie (the latter he now had custody of), multiple times a week.

So Buck and Eddie were never truly alone. Something Eddie would often tease about, saying that he'd thought retirement was supposed to be peacecul and provide time for just them, but it was clear he loved having all of the kids around just as much as Buck.

The Buckley-Diaz family gathered to celebrate their fathers’ fiftieth wedding anniversary, on one beautiful spring day.

Shannon had twins two years prior to that, and Buck took great joy in sitting on a low beach chair to play in the sand with his great-grandchildren, something that de-aged him by at least thirty years, Eddie said.

Eddie began to slow down rapidly after the excitement of that day. Running out of breath and legs unsteady beneath him, taking to spending most of his time sat on the swing seat out on the front porch rather than engaging in any physical activity. Normal for a man his age, but not normal for Eddie.

Buck knew what was happening, they could all tell. He hosted many family dinners running up to it, took Eddie to all of their favourite spots. The firehouse, their old home, their wedding location, and the bit of the beach they’d claimed as theirs. 

He invited all of the grandkids to their home numerous times a month , until the increasing number of little ones running around just became too much for Eddie to handle, adding to his exhaustion.

Erin and Miles moved home, and practically every other day Chris and his wife visited for dinner.

The week before he died, Smudge ran out of the house chasing after a cat, and Eddie jumped in front of a car to save him, getting knocked over on to the tarmac in the process . Buck ran outside, and clutched his hand in his, demanding he stay with him. So similar to that old couple they'd worked with decades before, both of whom had passed away like that together.

Eddie was okay in the end, but he didn’t get out of bed for days afterwards.

On his last day, Eddie had a misleading influx of energy. He woke up early, and he and Buck got a bus to LA zoo and spent the morning strolling around there with Chris, Shannon, and the twins. Then he and Buck went for a late lunch with Erin, and then to the movies.

After getting home, and walking the dog along the beach, they made dinner together and ate it outside.

They danced on their front deck afterwards, overlooking the ocean with their arms wrapped around one another. Slow, gentle steps, as the sun set.

He died in Buck's arms, his weight becoming heavier and heavier as music continued to play.

Buck pretended not to notice, for a good twenty minutes he just held onto Eddie afraid to move.

Smudge ran around their feet, sniffing and whining in distress.

Buck's knees eventually gave in, and he crashed to the floor.

Eddie was greeted by their found family, along with his Abuela, Pepa, his sister Sophia, and Shannon.

He was quick to embrace Shannon, his first best friend and the mother of his child. Then his Abuela, sister, and Pepa, and then he turned to them, his chosen family.

After all these years, there was now but one piece missing.

"I wish he was here," Eddie said, when he got around to hugging Maddie. 

"He'll be with us soon, give it time," Bobby replied, taking his hand in his.

Not long now.

*

Buck was lonely after the loss of his husband, but he did not die alone, like he'd so feared throughout his life.

While he didn't have his sister, his friends, his husband, or his niece, there were so many still left on earth who loved him. It was impossible not to love Buck, after all.

He had his children, Chris and Erin. Chris and Sarah's kids, Shannon and Conner. Erin's son Miles. Shannon's twins Chloe and Lydia, and Miles' newborn Tyler. His nephew John, and great nieces Nari and Maddie. Smudge, the dog's own fur turning grey, curled up at his side every night, tail patting slowly keeping an eye on things.

May, with her three children, visited prior to his passing. As did Denny, and his son. Albert dropped by too. Everyone painfully aware that the time was coming, when Buck opted to go off of the ventilator helping him to breathe, something that was needed after all the damage smoke inhalation had done to his lungs over his decades of service, catching up to him.

A year to the day that Eddie died, Buck went to sit outside out on the front porch, Smudge jumping up on to the swing seat next to him and resting his head on his lap.

Chris and Erin were bickering in the kitchen, and the grandkids had gone for a walk along the beach as dinner cooked.

Buck ran his fingers through the Labrador's fur, his other hand clasped around the St Christoper Medallion his husband once wore, and let out a deep breath, closing his eyes.

"Welcome home, kid," Bobby greeted, upon seeing that bright shiny soul for the very first time. As large and as full of life as Buck had been in his time on earth.

"Bobby," Buck gasped out, an addicting joy that quickly exploded tenfold as Buck noticed everyone else that was there to welcome him in to eternity. "Eddie, Maddie!"

He didn't know who to go to first, which was understandable. 

His husband, his soulmate, who he'd lived but a year without, or his sister who had been gone for over a decade.

He didn't need to choose, both Maddie and Eddie practically lurched themselves at him.

Followed by Bobby and Athena, then Jee-Yun, Chimney, Hen, Karen, Ravi. Daniel was ready to meet his brother, Marcy and their kids were too after hearing so much about him, Michael was eager also.

Fifty three years it took, from Bobby’s death that fateful day in the lab, for them all to be together again. 

And this time, no one was going to leave. They'd be together, content and happy, for eternity. No pain, no grief, no fear. More and more would continue to join them, their family would expand, and they had all of the time in the world to enjoy it.