Chapter Text
Parker went back to school. Which is interesting.
I want to mention we're not stalkers. (We're not?) It's just we noticed he's back at Empire State.
We also noticed a girl. A girlfriend. Which is fine. That's what people do in college. Though we wouldn't know.
Spidey's suit is different. One Wade's never seen before. It's not just the suit, he'd been acting different.
Yeah, we did a storyline with Wolvie and Cap, but that doesn't make a normal person go and punch off Scorpion's jaw.
(Maybe that was after Doc Ock had just died.)
No, actually, he pummeled Doc Ock to death after maiming Scorpion. And then he blinded the Vulture.
(He was using children.)
And almost killing Boomerang? Actually killing Massacre?
(One less serial killer in the world. He always told us he wasn't normal.)
Oh, and that makes it okay? Stop reading those dark romance novels.
(I'm sorry.)
Why?
(I mean. That's Spidey. I can't– we can't turn on our back on him. That's still Spidey, right?)
Right. I don't know. I guess.
But he's different. And we didn't become friends with different, you know.
"I liked him cuz he wasn't like me," Wade muttered.
(Liked? We don't like him anymore, is that what this is? Liked? Do you think I liked Peter? Yeah, I saw what you did by the way. Calling him Parker. He's allowed to be straight and meet a girl he likes. That's fine. He's not– he was never– I mean–)
I'm sorry.
(No, shut up. Shut up.)
Spidey's different. And if he wasn't different before, he's different now. After his little spree. Spidey doesn't do those things to people and come out the other side the same.
We're not the same. And it's not our first time killing someone who deserved it.
"Can he kill me?" Wade asked suddenly.
He's always been able to.
"No, I mean, he's always refused to do that to me. But he's different now."
(What's it mean if he does?)
"It means he's different now."
(Different bad?)
Different.
"If he can kill me…" Wade hesitated.
If he can kill you, he doesn't love you.
(I don't think it's fair. We can show grace to whatever he's going through right now–)
"Who's to say he's going through anything?"
(People don't just change like that.)
"No, it's just the mask that slips."
(You can't honestly believe that. After everything?
You? You are one to talk about change like it's just a one and done thing. What? We grew apart? Our lives are going two different places- what the fuck.)
That's not what we're saying, we're saying when people show you who they are, you listen.
(He did show us! But what? It's only the truth when it's bad? Why does goodness have to be the lie? Isn't that what you taught me?)
There's a line you cross.
(No. No. No this isn't- you know this isn't- no.)
"Let's do an experiment," Wade said.
He looked out from the top of a roof to a New York skyline that had Spider-Man hidden somewhere between the buildings. But Wade has always been able to find him.
Or cause a big enough ruckus to bring him to Wade.
There was something relaxing about crashing one unfortunate person's car into another unfortunate person's car right next to a main road—he does it with two more cars to make a 4-car accident. In Wade's defense, they were definitely double parking and probably assholes. He also doesn't really care.
By the time the crowd had started and one caught fire, he had already walked away from the scene. Not without purposely crushing one of those Spider-Bots though.
(That's probably expensive.)
Good.
He's not actually going to snipe Spidey, but he picked a building with a nice vantage point and set up his sniper rifle.
And he waited.
There was, of course, the risk Spidey would deal with the fire without even touching down. To ensure he did, Wade will admit he threw someone who needed to be saved into the mix.
(I think that makes us a bad person.)
"That guy's probably a bad person."
Of course, they'd survive as long as Spidey showed up.
Wade kept his eye on the scene through his scope, standing still like a statue. He's zoomed in much too close, really. Enough to see the dents in the cars and a person's face as they wait for someone on the other line to pick up. It could be anyone. An indifferent insurance agent, a sympathetic boss, family and friends.
That's why Spidey cares about these people. Because they're people. They have a whole life. Even when you have no one to call—no personal or impersonal relationships—you were still here. You existed.
That's why he cared. That's why, the Spidey Wade knows, would show up.
And Spider-Man, to his credit, does show up. In that suit with goggles and not lenses. Wade doesn't know why that part bothered him so much. He loved Spidey's different suits—all the variety of the colors and patterns and clothes—how far you could stretch Spidey's costume and keep it Spidey? And this suit wasn't even that far off the scale, but, for some reason, the goggles push it over the edge. Wade saw them and just knew something was different here. Just like Venom, this was not a cosmetic change, but something deeper.
There's no Venom to point though. Just Spidey.
He's got a clean shot—Spidey's head is centered, and Wade kept it there. He realized he could kill Spidey right here, right now. He wouldn't miss. More importantly, Spidey wouldn't dodge. He would not know he had to.
Wade shot a bullet right past his head instead. He doesn't bother to pay attention to where it actually goes. Instead, he watched Spidey's head snap towards him, pinpointing his location almost instantly.
For a moment they just look at each other.
And then Spidey shot a web up to the roof.
There's something about the way he dragged himself up onto the slightly elevated roof ledge, standing tall enough that he can look down on Wade. The way he dug into the brick instead of floating on top. It's the footballers first day of ballet and he hasn't yet learned how to be light on his feet.
There's something–
"Have you gained weight?" Wade asked. "I didn't know that was possible."
Spidey tilted his head to side slightly.
"What do I do with you Deadpool? I cannot capture you for the police to handle. I cannot kill you. And I seemingly failed to rehabilitate you."Can you tell it's not me?
What was that?
(What was what?)
You didn't see that?
No.
No clue what you're talking about other than-
"Your voice is different."
"It is not."
"Not voice, vernacular."Come on, Wade. I know you can.
That! You're telling me you can't see that?
(See what?)
Okay. Okay, no this is normal.
"I gave you a chance, Deadpool"—he stepped off the higher ground, heavily—"and you squandered it. You could not evolve past being a psychotic killer."
"That was like 9 parts ago."Oh. He doesn't have my latest memories. That's a little relieving actually.
You're right, something is wrong with Spidey.
(No, I was being emotional.)
Don't do this, I'm literally saying you were right.
(What's making you change your mind?)
I'm the narrator.
"Deadpool," Spider-Man continued, "we can do this the hard way, or the easy way."
"Don't ask a girl to tango if you don't mean it."
"You do not wreak havoc on my territory,"When have I ever called it that? Spider-Man continued, stepping closer and ignoring Wade. "You do not shoot at me, or anyone. And you do not destroy my bots for no reason. Do I make myself clear?"
When has he ever called it that?
"Of course! Except just one, small, tiny thing. You forget that your body likes me."
Wade doesn't think it fully through, but what's a headbutt between superhuman friends? It's no more than a second after their foreheads stopped colliding that Wade had a hand on his throat squeezing his windpipe close.
It's hard to laugh when that's happening. (It's more like a wheeze with a smile.)
Why am I relying on the idiot of the century?
"And you forget that I am faster, stronger, and smarter than you," Spider-Man rebutted.
(I don't think he even felt that shit, let's be honest here.)
"What are going to do?" Wade taunted. "Punish me?"
"And waste the energy?"
Example two of the Spider-Sense not sensing Wade's danger: he puts a loaded gun under Spider-Man's chin.
"The winner is whoever's not afraid to pull the trigger."
When his neck breaks, he expects to die, not get briefly paralyzed.
He would have done it. This is what I've been reduced to. I still exist because of a collection of memories he couldn't touch. Peter Parker is dead, I'm just the after image with a little bit of muscle memory.
So Spidey still won't kill me, after all he's changed.
Can't.
(That's a good sign, right?)
I'm sorry about this. I hope it doesn't hurt too much. But who am I kidding?
Wade stayed laying down even after he healed and Spider-Man left.
Spidey's in there.
That's worse, probably.
(What's the prognosis, doc?)
We can't give up yet.
(I won't.)
For Spidey's sake, I'll try.
Good. That's good. Chapter 2 anyone?