Chapter Text
When Hawke had volunteered to stay behind, she figured that running directly into the monstrous spider would grant her a quick death. But now, she was running and Nightmare was at her heels. At least she was drawing the demon away from the Inquisition.
The path she was on seemed to appear as she was running. It was nothing more than a small dirt road, narrowly differentiated from the dark green ground that mirrored the green sky above. Perhaps, she thought cynically, the Fade only created unique dreamscapes for those who were worthy.
The young mage, Feynriel, had earned a Fade-touched version of the Kirkwall Circle for his magical prowess. The Inquisitor, although not a mage, had earned a spidery cavern. And for the illustrious Champion of Kirkwall? The Fade had provided Hawke with a dirt path, the beginning of which was indistinguishable from her current position.
Even if she wanted to leave the path, Hawke wasn’t sure she could. There was nowhere to hide from Nightmare. She could feel the spidery mass getting closer and closer.
Soon she would be in its jaws. There would be no more running. This would have to stop eventually. Nightmare would grow tired of playing with its food and she’d be gone.
Eventually, Hawke found that she could see the end of the path. Well, it was an end of sorts – the ground just ceased to exist. Where path should be, there was only a void. An empty space, filled with swirling greens of various hues. It would have been rather pretty if it didn’t mean that Hawke’s death was imminent.
Perhaps the void would grant a more enjoyable death than the Nightmare behind her. Perhaps Nightmare would follow her into the void, killing her in the vast nothingness. Hawke supposed she would rather die in the swirling greens than on the dirt path. It would give her something interesting to look at as the Nightmare devoured her. And so, Hawke leaped into the void.
***
“Where’s Hawke?” Varric asked the Inquisitor as she made her way towards her tent. Varric had watched as the Inquisitor and her companions had exited the Fade. First came Sparkler, followed quickly by the Tiny and the Kid. There was a pause, followed by Stroud and Inquisitor tumbling out of the rift.
Maybe Varric had heard wrong. Maybe Hawke hadn’t been with Stroud in Adamant. Hawke was probably off somewhere, trying to help those that were wounded in the battle. His Hawke had always offered her healing services, despite the fact that she was the strongest in her elemental magic. Blondie had taught her a couple of healing spells during their time together.
But Hawke wasn’t here. It wasn’t like her to be missing. Hawke was always at the center of things, even when she tried to avoid it. Something was wrong.
“Where’s Hawke?” Varric repeated, reaching out to grab the Inquisitor’s arm.
“I’m sorry.” The Inquisitor replied, “Hawke stayed behind to distract the demon that kept us in the Fade. She sacrificed herself so that we could live.”
“Of course, Hawke would play the hero at the end.” Varric laughed and turned to walk away. The Inquisitor had said something in response to Varric’s comment, but Varric couldn’t hear it. He wouldn’t hear it. Any more time spent with the Inquisitor would lead Varric to say or do something he would regret.
He should have never brought Hawke into this mess. His Hawke was too good. She was compelled to help, even when it would kill her. And it did kill her, this time. He had killed her. He had killed her, and he hadn’t even told her that he loved her.
***
When Hawke awoke, she was in an odd-looking room. Pale golden light streamed in from above, painting the room in an angelic light. Her cheek was pressed against a white tile floor, marbled by streaks of pale green. It felt delightfully cold, as if room itself was pleading with her to keep her cheek on the ground. Hawke felt no reason to argue with the room. Hawke closed her eyes.
***
Kirkwall wasn’t the same without Hawke. Varric wasn’t the same without Hawke. He was too reckless, taking risky jobs with no real reward. When asked, Varric had said that as viscount, it was his job to protect the city. In truth, Varric knew that each job brought him closer to reuniting with his Hawke. She’d be proud of him, he thought, if he died helping the city she loved.
***
The next time Hawke awoke, there was a wisp floating directly above her head. At some point in her sleep, she had rolled onto her back and was now staring up at the ceiling above her. At least, she was staring up at where the ceiling should be. Here, there was no roof, only open sky. The sky was nothing like the sickly green that was typical of the Fade. No, this sky appeared to be a dusty blue, littered with pale purple clouds, as though dusk had descended upon the land.
“Where are we?” Hawke asked the wisp.
It gave a small, sharp chirp in response, fleeing the room through the open ceiling.
“No, wait, please come back!” Hawke yelled after it. Tears began to cloud her vision. She supposed she was good at chasing people off. Why would a wisp be any different? Wherever she was, no one was around to see Hawke cry. That, she thought, was a small victory.
***
Varric hadn’t meant to get the Qunari boy involved in this mess. Isabela had sent the boy to Varric after the boy had gotten into some sort of trouble with the Lords of Fortune. The boy needed a place to lay low, and Varric needed some muscle.
Rook, he had titled the boy, was a fine swordsman. Sure, the boy had been a little cocky, but he didn’t ask Varric many questions about what they were doing. It definitely wasn’t the fact that Rook reminded Varric of Hawke. He wasn’t much younger than Hawke had been when she’d died in the Fade. But, Rook wasn’t Hawke. No, nobody could ever replace his Hawke.
***
When Hawke had finished crying, she stood up and ran her hands along the tile walls of the room she currently occupied. They matched the marbled green pattern that existed on the floor and felt just as cool to the touch.
There had to be some way to get out of this room, right? She searched the walls for any sign of an exit. However, there was no indication that a door had ever existed.
“Hello? Wisp?” Hawke called out, speaking directly towards the open sky.
An inquisitive chirp came from somewhere over the wall. The wisp, while cautious, hadn’t left Hawke alone after all. There was no harm in asking the wisp for help, was there?
“I could really use your help…” Hawke called out to the wisp.
The wisp reappeared overhead, slightly out of Hawke’s reach. It floated over her head, as if watching her closely.
“How do you leave this room?” Hawke asked the curious wisp.
The wisp chirped several times and began to fly up and over the wall again.
“Wait!” Hawke pleaded with the wisp. This time, no tears followed. “Please, I need to get out of this room.”
The wisp returned, but did not descend. It hovered over the room and chirped again before moving slowly over the wall, chirping from the other side. Once done, the wisp moved back and returned to float beside Hawke’s head.
Understanding, Hawke let out a laugh. “You’re showing me how you leave the room?”
The wisp chirped affirmatively.
“I guess that is on me. How do I get out of the room?”
The wisp moved over to a spot on the wall, glowing brightly as the wall opened up. Hawke took the opportunity to leave room through the opening, walking out onto a large circular platform hovering in the emptiness of the Fade. The wall closed quickly behind her, leaving Hawke alone.
“Wisp?” Hawke yelled. She did not want to be alone.
A chirp sounded from the inside of the room. Hawke looked up to see the wisp flying over the wall and back to her side. She smiled at the wisp, seemingly having made a friend.
“Where to next?” Hawke asked the wisp. She supposed that the wisp was her best bet at getting somewhere safe. Maybe, she thought, the wisp could even lead her out of the Fade.
The wisp began to move towards a dock that had begun to manifest on the opposite end of the platform. Hawke followed.
***
Varric had expected that Solas would stab him. In fact, Varric was counting on it. Solas would have to stop his ritual to deal with Varric, and Varric would finally get to be with his Hawke. What Varric hadn’t anticipated was surviving the blow.
***
When Hawke approached the dock, a mysterious figure appeared in a small boat.
“Who are you?” Hawke asked the figure.
“I am the Caretaker.” Replied the figure, far too casually for Hawke’s liking.
“Are you sure you’re qualified? The room I was just in seems to be a bit . . .” Hawke gestured over her should to the room that was closed off to the platform “. . . uncared for.”
The Caretaker did not respond.
“No offense.” Hawke clarified, hoping that she didn’t insult the Caretaker. This was the first talking fade-creature that hadn’t immediately tried to kill her, and she’d offended it!
“Are you looking for passage?” the Caretaker asked, ignoring Hawke’s previous fumble.
“Passage to where?”
“The Lighthouse.”
“What is at the Lighthouse?”
“That is where the others are.”
“Can I take my wisp?”
“Yes.”
Hawke turned towards the wisp now. She had no desire to leave it, if she had the choice. “And what do you think? Should we go?”
The wisp hesitated before moving to hover over one of the boat seats.
Hawke nodded and moved to get on the boat, sitting beside the wisp. “Thank you.” She said, over her shoulder to the Caretaker.
The Caretaker did not responded, instead opting to grab onto the large pole controlling the boat. As they moved forward, Hawke and the wisp huddle close together.
***
Varric was confused when Rook came running into the infirmary. Varric had been alone in this room for a couple of days, not that he minded. Rook and the others had been working on a way to get back to Thedas. Rook had stopped in at various points to chat with Varric, not that Varric had been saying much recently.
This conversation, however, was different. Rook pushed into the room, looking deeply terrified. “A woman!” the Qunari all but shouted at Varric.
“Yes, I’ve seen a woman before.” Varric mused in response.
“No! There’s a woman in the crossroads. A human woman.” Rook continued, out of breath.
“A spirit? Sometimes they’ll take a human form.” Varric responded. It was the only logical explanation. Varric had known several instances in which a spirit had appeared human, like the spirit that had dwelled in the old Crestwood village and had commanded them to complete a task.
“No! You’re not listening. She’s a real, human woman. The Caretaker brought her in. Real pretty girl with real pretty magic. Said she can heal you.” Rook spouted at him.
Varric rolled his eyes. “Sure kid. Don’t go making deals with beautiful women in the Fade. That’s how you’ll end up in the hands of a demon. What she’d ask for in return for her help?”
“She’s wants to leave the Fade.”
“Classic demon response!”
“She’s not a demon, Varric. She didn’t even ask to possess me!”
“She wouldn’t ask to possess you, kid. She would trick you into it.”
“Well, she’s going to be here in a few minutes. I just thought I would give you a heads up. Don’t embarrass us.” Rook said, turning and leaving through the door.
Varric sighed, readying himself for the demon that was about to appear in his room.
***
“The names Laidir, but my friends call me Rook,” the tall Qunari said, leaning awkwardly over Hawke. He reminded her a bit of The Iron Bull, one of Varric’s friends in the Inquisition. He was a massive man, carrying an equally massive sword on his back. It clearly wasn’t designed by the Qunari, having several runes haphazardly grafted into the metalwork.
“It’s nice to meet you, Laidir . . .” Hawke started, but was immediately cut off by Rook.
“Please, call me Rook,” he said, smirking.
“Nice to meet you, Rook. Do you know how to get out of here?” she questioned. Hawke wasn’t going to get too friendly with this man. While he didn’t appear to have any magic abilities, Hawke wasn’t sure if this group could be trusted. She had already noted the other women standing slightly out of view, making no effort to introduce themselves.
“We’re trying to figure that out.” Rook explained, looking over his shoulder and motioning towards the women. “We’ve found a way to get to Arlathan Forest, but we can’t get further than that. I’m hoping we can find something helpful out here. Not found anything yet though. . .” Rook said, grabbing his neck and wincing slightly.
“Are you hurt?” Hawke said, unable to really see the man’s neck from her height.
“I got beat pretty good a few days ago. I’m mostly healed though, don’t worry.”
“Let me take a look. I know some healing.” Hawke responded, reaching out to Rook. Her hand hovered slightly over his cheek before a soft blue glow emanated from her palm. Rook let it happen. He smiled at her, eyes glazing over in bliss. When Hawke was done, she pulled her hand away. “Better?”
“Much. Thank you. I’ve got a friend who’s pretty beat up. Do you think you can spare any healing magic for him?”
“If I heal your friend, you’ll help me get out of the Fade?” Hawke questioned.
“Deal!” Rook nearly shouted, grabbing Hawke’s hand and pulling her towards the Eluvian that led back to the Lighthouse. “I’ll show you the way back and make sure he’s ready. Wouldn’t want him embarrassing us and all.”
Hawke followed compliantly, glancing over her shoulder only to make sure that her wisp followed.
***
A few minutes later, Varric heard Rook’s distinct laugh echoing down the hallway. Although Bianca was within his reach, Varric didn’t want to offend his guest on the off chance this mage was really a human.
Rook was the first to enter, holding the door behind him for the healer. What followed was clearly a demon, disguised as the woman he loved. She was young, appearing just as she did when she had sacrificed herself, and no less beautiful. Rook, to his credit, had been correct in that at least.
The demon, however, was quiet. When she saw Varric, tears had immediately begun to fall down her cheeks and she crossed the room, kneeling before Varric’s bed. She reached out for him and he flinched, trying to move his entire body out of her grasp.
“Varric?” the demon-Hawke asked.