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You’d think after saving a city one would sleep like the dead. Unfortunately Ava’s mind had other ideas.
She sat on the floor by the window in the Watchtower, formerly the Avengers tower but apparently Valentina had elected for a name change along with the whole redo. The city of New York spread out below her, so many bright lights twinkling in the windows despite the late hour, it was as if the stars themselves had invaded the city.
There was still construction that needed to be done but Val had promised them that the tower was “perfectly liveable” which meant look where you're going so you don’t accidentally step through a hole in the floor to an early death. Alexei had nearly done that twice in their exploration of their new…home? Base? Ava still wasn’t sure. Yelena had pointed out that falling to their deaths would be a shit way to die after today which considering how willing she was to walk into the Void was potentially a step in the right direction mentally.
Ava huffed, pulling her knees close to her chest. She couldn’t believe Yelena had done that, granted it was the right call at the end of the day but still, she wouldn’t be able to burn that image out of her head, her bright blonde hair stark against the encroaching darkness as she let it take her. Alexei’s heartbroken wails for his lost daughter as Bucky and Walker struggled to hold him back. The strange pull in Ava’s chest that told her she wasn’t dead, that compelled her to go in after her despite the danger. And she was right. They found Yelena and Bob after facing some of their own demons on the way and saved New York as well as each other.
They’d done it.
They’d beaten Sentry, well the Void, Sentry could still put them flat on their arses. And they didn’t even need their powers (the few that they actually possessed on the team) their guns or even their fists. They just needed to hug the poor guy to let him know that he wasn’t alone. Ava guessed that could apply to the rest of them too, a bunch of mercenaries the world wouldn’t miss forming a fucked up family dyanmic through trauma bondoing, it sounded like a bad joke, or the start of some ridiculously cheesy movie. But look at them now, the New Avengers as Val had dubbed them to her army of reporters. Ava scoffed, they’d see how long that lasted but for now she was content to just sit for a minute without being shot at.
She reached into the back pocket of her newly bought pajamas, Val hadn’t thought that far ahead before letting them all stay at the tower and was “heavily encouraged” to fork over some money for them to buy the necessities until they could make the place feel more like home. Ava allowed a brief smile to cross her face at the memory of them all in Walmart, scuffed up, wounded and filling a trolley with the essentials which boiled down to: clothes, wheaties (Alexei’s choice), mac and cheese (Yelena’s choice) and tea (her choice), along with other foods that Walker had called “essential” as he didn’t want them all “dying of scurvy” as he put it. Such a boy scout Ava thought as she pulled out her, thankfully undamaged considering the day's events, phone. Turning it on she opened up her contacts and stared at the few she had, Val and….
Bill.
Pressing his name her thumb hovered over the green call button, it was past midnight, was it too late? Did he change his number? Should she put this off till tomorrow morning? Ava knew she was bullshitting herself. She didn’t want to call him because she was worried that it would confirm what her brain had been screaming at her since she left his house: that he didn’t want to talk to her, didn’t want to see her, didn’t want her . Shame started to creep through her as she remembered their last conversation, the disappointment in his eyes. He believed so much that she could be better and she’d thrown that back in his face.
“Ava?”
“Shit!” Ava jumped, luckily she was able to keep a tight grip on her phone. She glanced back. It was only Yelena, standing there in her own pyjamas, hands held high in surrender.
“Sorry, can’t help the silent approach. Child assassin you know?” At Ava’s lack of response or more so lack of throwing a knife in her general direction Yelena padded towards her and sat down next to her, “It’s late. What are you doing up?”
“Could ask you the same thing?” Ava bit back, pulling the arm holding her phone close to her folded up knees.
“Couldn’t sleep, you?” Yelena said, her green eyes meeting Ava’s in challenge. Ava held her gaze for a moment before eventually dropping it, sighing.
“I couldn’t sleep either, probably from the adrenaline from today.” Not exactly the whole truth but it was a start. Yelena hummed in reply.
They sat together for a while, their gazes fixed on the ongoing traffic down below, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence but it wasn’t particularly comfortable either and Ava didn’t know how to fill it. She shuffled, her free hand picking at a random thread in her pajamas. She was never good with stuff like this, small talk, it was all mission briefings and medical jargon growing up. Even with Bill it was often about her condition, nothing much else.
“I wanted to talk to you actually.” Yelena eventually muttered. Ava tilted her head to look at her. Yelena glanced around, her gaze never settling, “I wanted to thank you, Bucky told me it was you who really spearheaded the trip into the void to come get me.”
Ava nodded, “I’d figured you had a good reason for going in so I wanted to follow, even if it was just to drag your sorry arse out again.”
Yelena laughed, a too loud laugh in the silence but it was genuine. Ava found she quite liked the sound, “You really do have a bad habit of coming after us Ava.”
“The other two times were strictly for practical reasons.”
“Righhhht.” Ava rolled her eyes at the clear sarcasm in Yelena’s voice.
“But seriously, thank you. I’m grateful that you came in after me..and that you convinced the others too as well.” Yelena said her eyes finally finding Ava’s.
Ava opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by a hiss as a blaze of pain shot up her right arm as it began to phase in and out of view, her phone falling through her now non-corporal hand.
“Are you okay?” Yelena asked, Ava could pick up the barely veiled panic in her voice.
“I’m fine,” she hissed as the pain started to dull, “I have flare ups like this all the time, especially after heavy use of my phasing. It’s normal, don't worry.”
“Are you sure, do you need to go to the med bay? I can take you-”
“I’m fine Yelena just please drop it okay?” Ava knew her tone was harsh from Yelena’s slightly crumpled face but she didn’t want anyone fussing over her, looking at her like she was weak, pitying her. She didn’t need that, she’d had her fill of it. And she hated labs and anything medical anyway. After spending her whole life in them, any time spent back in them was a grim reminder of her formative years and the pain that accompanied it.
Yelena looked as if she wanted to push it but instead pressed her mouth into a hard line, dropping the subject. Smart choice , Ava thought as Yelena picked up her phone for her. The screen was still intact thanks to the small drop although that would have been ironic if after all it had been through today a little drop like that did the thing in. Yelena handed the phone to her, “Who’s Bill?” she asked.
Ava plucked the phone out of her grasp staying silent.
Yelena’s eyes widened, “He’s not-”
“No he’s not,” Ava cut her off, “It’s just complicated.” she muttered, pulling the phone in close.
Yelena shuffled a little bit closer, not touching but enough that she could feel the heat from her legs, “Well I happen to know a thing or two about complicated,” she said.
At Ava’s raised eyebrow she said, “my dad who isn’t my real dad gave me up to the Red Room at age six, my mom who isn’t really my mom is AWOL and my sister is dead after sacrificing herself to save the universe.” Yelena chuckled, “so complicated isn’t new for me so, shoot.”
Ava huffed, “Bill isn’t my real father. My dad died years ago when I was little in a lab accident, the same accident that caused me to phase,” Yelena nodded but stayed silent.
“After SHIELD fell Bill took me in, he was a scientist, he tried to help me when my phasing got really bad and-”
“When you say really bad, what do you mean?” Yelena asked, her blue eyes were narrowed in…worry? No she couldn’t be. She was probably just worried about her potential state when out in the field. She didn’t care about her, at least not like that.
Ava fixed her with a stern look, “As in I was fading away into nothing kind of bad.” she stated.
“Oh I’m sorry,” Yelena said and she looked so damn apologetic that Ava sighed, quickly saying, “It’s alright.”
“We had just managed to get some form of treatment sorted when the Blip happened. He, along with everyone else who was helping me were gone, turned to dust.” she spat. Ava remembered that day, she had been mid conversation with Bill when it happened, they were talking about when they would get the quantum particles, she’d turned away to get some tea for the both of them and poof. All that was left of him was a shower of dust.
“And let me guess, Val just so happened to show up exactly when you needed her,” Yelena finished.
Ava nodded, “She offered to get me the same treatment if I came to work for her, so I did. Even when I was stabilized I stayed working for her. But then everyone came back and when Bill found out who I worked for..” Ava took a breath, “We argued, I moved out of his place the next day. Haven’t spoken to him since.” She rested her chin on her knees.
“Why call him now?” Yelena asked.
Ava shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess after today I didn’t want to leave anything unsaid between us but now that it's staring me in the face I’m…”
“Scared?”
Ava nodded, not meeting Yelena’s eyes, not wanting the other woman’s judgement.
“Why?”
Ava curled in tighter on herself, wishing that she could just vanish into the floor. She could try and phase away from this conversation but firstly she didn’t want to fall through the floor and secondly…it felt good to get all of this out, even though it felt like pulling teeth. “I’m worried that he won’t wanna talk to me, that he’s finally had enough of me and blocked me or something.” she uttered into her knees.
Yelena was quiet for a moment before declaring, “If he doesn’t then Alexei can be your dad too.”
Ava’s head jerked up, “What?”
“What? he has the enthusiasm for it. Another daughter? He’d be thrilled.” Yelena said it so matter of factly, so sweetly, like it was a certainty that Ava burst out laughing. It actually brought tears to her eyes at the thought of calling Alexei dad of all things. Yelena smiled, Ava forgot how pretty she looked when she smiled, not that she wasn’t pretty all the time but…bollocks. Eventually her giggles petered out and she glanced down at her phone again, Bill’s name mocking her behind the screen.
“Do you want me to stay while you call?” Yelena asked. Ave wanted to say no, to say that she could handle it herself, that she didn’t need help but looking at Yelena’s face, so open, so concerned, so genuine, she found herself nodding. She finally pressed the call button. She started to shake, her body beginning to flicker and she grimaced as the pain she was used to started to flare in tiny pinpricks all over. Yelena gingerly reached out a hand to grasp her own, squeezing it gently. The message was clear: I’m here, you’re not alone.
There was a tense silence as Ava raised the phone to her ear, the dial tone the only sound besides their breathing. Yelena flashed her a smile as she held her hand. The dial tone rang on. Ava bit her lip, tasting blood. Of course he wouldn't answer the phone, it was past midnight he wouldn't be up, he wouldn’t-
“Ava?” Came a familiar voice.
“Bill?” Ava’s voice came out in a shaky sob, quiet and tenuous as if by speaking his name Bill would disappear again. Tears began to cloud her vision. She felt Yelena squeeze her hand as they started to run down her cheeks. He hadn’t blocked her. He still wanted to talk to her.
“Ava what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is it your powers? What’s-”
“Bill I’m so so sorry,” Ava began words gushing out of her, of course he was worried about her, even after all she had done to him he still cared, “I’m so sorry about everything. About lying to you and arguing with you and leaving after everything you’ve done for me. I’m a terrible person and I’m so sorry-”
“Ava. Stop.”
Ava stopped talking, although she couldn’t stop herself from sobbing. Yelena sat right next to her, shoulder to shoulder to provide some kind of comfort, her hand still clasping Ava’s.
“There’s nothing to forgive Ava, it's alright,” Ava scoffed. Of course Bill would say something like that.
“But it’s not alright. I hurt you.” Ava hated how whiny her voice sounded but it was the truth. Bill grew silent for a moment. Ava prepared for him to come to his senses, to agree with what she was saying but he said, “do you remember what I said the day we ran from Pym’s lab?”
Ava racked her brain for a moment. So much had happened that day, so many things that she did or said that she regretted but she remembered,”That you weren’t leaving,” she uttered, her voice quiet.
“I meant that Ava. I’m still here if you want me.” Ava laughed wetly. Out of all the ways she imagined this conversation would go, those words had never left Bill’s mouth. She was almost tempted to think that this was some hopeful dream or even the Void still fucking with her but it felt too real, Yelena’s warmth, the marble floor underneath her feet, they were all too real for this to be a trick of the mind.
“Of course I want you Bill. I’ll always want you in my life,” she said.
“Good.” he said, Ava could feel the warmth in his voice through the phone, “and look at you now, an Avenger of all things.”
“That wasn’t a planned thing,” Ava said.
“Still, I couldn't be prouder of you Ava, you did good.”
“Your dad sounds cool,” Yelena whispered, her breath tickling Ava’s ear making her giggle.
“Who was that Ava?” Bill asked.
Ava sniffed and turned her loudspeaker on, “That’s my teammate Yelena.”
“Hi!” Yelena called, “Your daughter is so cool, her powers saved us so many times. She could have left us to die like three times but she always came back for us.”
Bill chuckled, “That sounds like my Ava.”
“And there was also this thing with an elevator shaft-” Ava quickly turned the loudspeaker off her phone, “Okay that’s enough out of you. Ignore her Bill, she's certifiable.” she snapped but there was no real bite to it. Both Yelena and Bill were laughing at her embarrassment.
“I’m happy you found some friends Ava.” Bill said. Ava swallowed hard, a fresh wave of tears threatening to make their appearance but she blinked them away. “Yeah, they can be a pain in the arse but they’re good people,” she said, glancing at Yelena.
“I’m glad.” she heard Bill clear his throat, “Ava…do you think it would be okay if I came up to New York and visited you sometime? I miss our talks.”
Ava felt herself nodding before she realised that Bill couldn't see her, “Yes, yes absolutely I would love that,” she said.
“Great, we’ll iron out the details in the morning I-” he yawned, “need some sleep. As do you, heroes need their rest.”
Ava rolled her eyes, “Sure dad.” she said sarcastically.
“I love you Ava,” he said.
Ava paused for a moment before replying, “I love you too.”
“Bye Ava’s dad!” Yelena called as she hung up. Ava placed her phone down and lightly slapped Yelena on the knee, “You're an arsehole you know that?”
“It’s part of my charm.” Yelena said. Ava rolled her eyes. It was only then that she noticed something. Her and Yelena were still holding hands. She looked up and saw Yelena’s gaze was also focused on their conjoined hands. She opened her mouth to say something when Ava cleared her throat and hastily stood up, swiping her phone off the ground as their hands separated, “Well I had better head to bed, you coming?” she asked, already feeling her face turn pink. Surely Yelena wouldn’t take that as an invitation, right?
Yelena paused for a moment, then quickly shook her head, “Nah, I’m gonna check out the view for a bit but you head to bed.” Ava nodded before making her way to her room. She got to the doorway before she stopped and turned, Yelena true to her word was still looking out over the city. Ava wondered what was going through her mind. Despite her relative openness throughout their adventure there were still many things she didn’t know about the former assassin. And Ava wanted to know more.
“Yelena?” she called. Yelena turned to face her.
“Thanks, for..everything.” Ava said mentally kicking herself for just saying that when there was so much more she wanted to say but didn’t know how. But from the look on Yelena’s face she understood. She nodded and said, “Goodnight Ava,” so softly that Ava barely heard it. She wasn’t used to softness, her world had been mostly made up of sharp edges and barked orders. Softness meant weakness or that someone was playing her but when Yelena did it, there was no ulterior motive, no play, it was just how she was. And Ava liked it.
“Goodnight Yelena,” she said as she quickly turned on her heels and sped walked out the room, her face hot. She phased through the door of her room and promptly face planted on her bed, her mind far too wired to sleep.
This whole night meant nothing, Yelena didn’t- no she didn’t and Ava didn’t feel that way about her. She didn’t.
Right?