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The world was burning around him.
Things had gone from bad to worse, and from worse to hopeless. It was time to accept this. The hope of being found, being saved, being able to go on after all, had given him the courage to press the button on the trigger. But now it was time to accept that he had given his life for the young woman he had never spoken to.
At least he could tell himself that there was now a reason to it all. A purpose to the years he had dragged himself through. A life saved.
Rogue decided he could let go now.
For a fleeting moment, he thought that the noise behind him was the roaring of the flames, but he quickly realised it was no natural sound. It pumped and groaned like a machine being wound up, and when he jumped to his feet -
A door opened and a familiar, painfully longed for face appeared.
“Come in,” the Doctor said. “Hurry.”
He didn’t waste a second. He closed the door behind himself and rested his forehead against the cool glass panel of the windows. The air was fresh and clean and pleasantly cool. He let out a shaky breath. The noise had picked up again immediately, and when he turned around, the Doctor already stood at the console, piloting the ship out of hell.
He didn’t look at him.
Slowly, Rogue walked up to him, waiting for a reaction. Anything.
Something had gone wrong.
“Doc?”
The Doctor stared at the console for another moment, then turned to him. He looked distant and aloof, but he could see the emotions churning under the surface.
Love. Grief. Hope. Rage. Acceptance.
“Is Ruby okay?”
She’d been safe, hadn’t she?
It was a terrifying smile the Doctor gave him, full of bad news he seemed to have rationalised away, and now he was ready to unleash them on him.
“She is well. She found the mother who left her and went home to be with her family.”
“That’s… good, isn’t it?”
The Doctor’s smile softened, turned sadder.
“It is, yes.” His voice had become softer, too. Rogue took another step, but the Doctor held his hand up to stop him.
“Rogue. Oh, my beautiful Rogue.”
A lump had started to form in his throat. This had to be where the bad news started. It looked like the Doctor could see the question on his face; he nodded.
“I could only save you because I poured out my life force to shift the time vortex. I didn’t know this would happen. But a tiny crack opened between the dimensions, and I could pull you out after all. I’m sorry, Rogue. There never was a chance of finding you. You’re a farewell gift from the universe I couldn’t have hoped for.”
“Farewell gift? What do you mean, your life force?”
He knew, of course. It wasn’t hard to figure out that the Doctor was dying. But let him say it. Give him a minute or a half to prepare for the loss, this time.
“Regeneration energy. You’ve seen all my faces. Regeneration energy is what allows me to take on a new one, and change, and live on.”
“And you poured it…” Rogue’s voice left him. He’d come back from hell to see this ancient life extinguished for good?
“I won’t be gone, love. But I will be. I’ll change in a few more minutes, and live on, but… this version of me will end. And I don’t know if I will…” He faltered. “If I’ll feel the same way about you. I’m so sorry. All I can do is to bring you home.”
“And then leave.”
“Go on for me, will you?”
He thought his heart might rip open, but he nodded.
“I can’t let you stay while it happens. I can never tell how it goes. It’s too dangerous. This is all the time we have now. But, Rogue.” His eyes were shimmering with tears. “How glad I am to see you again.”
Rogue slowly closed the distance between them, ignoring the Doctor’s gesture to stay away. He lifted his hand to the Doctor’s face like he had done in another time, another life.
“Careful,” the Doctor whispered. “If you stand too close when it happens, you could burn.”
“So?”
He couldn’t tell who leaned in first. It was not like the kiss they had shared in the Duchess’s estate, full of longing and fear and hope and one little sleight of hand. It felt warm and sad, comforting and final.
“You’ll be amazing, no matter who you’ll be,” he whispered back, resting his forehead against the Doctor’s.
“And you. Live, find happiness. Have a good life. Do it for me.”
“I will.” He stepped back, the ache in his chest threatening to suffocate him.
The Doctor smiled, already pasting a mask of serenity over the pain. “Let me find a good spot for you to get off this ride.”
Anita had taken the day before off, to recover from the maddest day in a while. Which meant something, working in hospitality. Now she was back at the front desk, facing the usual madness. But she loved doing it; managing the infinite doors that lead almost anywhere in time and space felt like directing an orchestra, playing the strangest, most glorious symphony. Even if it sometimes meant changing the towels herself.
Over the buzzing of the crowd in the lobby she almost didn’t hear the sound of the blue box materialising, but she wasn’t someone to miss a new guest’s arrival. A huge smile spread on her face. She apologised to the guest in front of her, waving urgently for her colleague to take over, and rushed to the door. The Doctor walked out, holding his hands up with a grin as she moved in to hug him. “I don’t have much time, Anita, I’m sorry. You’d think I’d have loads of it, wouldn’t you? Maybe I should ask the manager about that, if I find her.” Anita took a step back, confused. “What’s going on?”
From behind the Doctor, a man stepped into the lobby. He wore old-fashioned, disheveled looking clothes; an open waistcoat over a white, billowing shirt with its collar wide open. Mr. Darcy, barely escaped from a forest fire, she thought. Then she recognised the man she had seen dancing with the Doctor.
The busy chaos of the lobby after this long time of silence and isolation made his head spin. He made himself trust that the place was safe and tuned out the flurry of people to concentrate on the slender woman looking at him with her mouth open in surprise.
“Anita, I want you to meet my boyfriend.”
“Oh!” She recovered quickly, holding out her hand to shake his. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
The Doctor laughed quietly. “No you haven’t, Anita. I lied to you and I never mentioned him. I had to leave him in a place where I couldn’t follow, and it broke both my hearts.”
Rogue carefully freed his hand from the grip in which Anita had frozen. “It was still nice of you to say that.” He felt a little lightheaded, anticipating the moment of goodbye that was now inevitably hurtling towards him.
“You both deserved better, but… “ The Doctor looked up the gleaming, endless rows of balconies surrounding the atrium. “Anita, honey, I need you to do one more thing for me, please. A case of lost and found. Can you look after him?”
Rogue lowered his head, unable to fight a bitter grin. A lost suitcase, deposited at a hotel lobby. He didn’t notice that the Doctor had turned towards him, until he felt him take his hand.
“You can go anywhere from here, Rogue. This is not a shelter, this is a take-off point. She can take you to your ship, if you want. I put the coordinates in your head. But I don’t want to think of you there all on your own. Take a room here. Find a friend. Maybe pick up another hot time traveller, like yourself?”
Rogue pressed his lips together in a strained smile and made himself to look at him.
“Rogue. I won’t forget you. Not ever. I hope… I hope I’ll see you again one day.”
The words had died in his chest, so he just nodded in response. The Doctor smiled again, tipped an invisible hat at them both and stepped into his ship. He stood for a moment, his back turned to them, then quickly closed the door.
The ship roared and groaned, pulsing in and out of reality, sending gusts of wind through the lobby. Then it was gone. Rogue took a deep breath.
“He’s not coming back, is he.”
“I thought that too, and yet here we are.” She stood next to him, both of them staring into the empty space between them and the wall.
“But then again… it was me who had to contact him first.”
He turned to her, clasping his hands in front of him, because he had no idea where else to put them. “So. Never mentioned me.”
“Sorry. But you know…” She studied his hands. “I believe he did think of you a lot. He wore that ring of yours every day and night.”
Rogue stared at her, uncomprehending, then looked at the fingers of his right hand.
“I saw him slip it on just now. Clever trick.”
“Learned from the best,” he muttered.
“Boyfriend, huh?”
“Fun while it lasted.”
Anita gently boxed his side with her elbow. “Let me get you some clothes and a place to change. Lunch is available all day, so is breakfast and dinner. Let’s take the long way to your ship, shall we? The scenic route.”
He nodded, drawing himself up. “Sounds good. Just… don’t try to find me a new boyfriend, please. No matter what he said.”
Anita laughed. “Promise. Anyway, who needs boyfriends?”