Archive of Our Own

There are plenty of things that Bruce hates: 1. People pranking him, 2. Untimely jokes (like when his kids insist on doing so while during patrol), 3. People making untimely jokes while pranking him and 4. People that he knows personally making untimely jokes while pulling a prank on him. The billionaire likes to think he's seen it all in his lifetime, that there is absolutely nothing more in this life that can rip him apart or make him feel hopeless, even make him feel baffled or confused, but one thing about Gotham and the people he knows is: they all absolutely love making him doubt himself and the skills he's so carefully crafted with years of hard work.

Right now is one of those moments.

It is a surprisingly beautiful morning in Gotham: clear skies, perfectly warm weather and a nice breeze. The usual smog of the city seemed to lift to give way to the sun and all the joy and warmth she can bring with her, her vibrant rays pairing well with the cool breeze that truly makes it seem like spring is here.

But, Bruce knows in his line of work that even the most normal of days can turn into a tragedy...or a joke.

Bruce sighs openly when his phone rings for the thousandth time in a row, his eyes squinting accusingly at the device as he contemplates chucking it into the pool his children are swimming in. "Maybe you should pick that up? It could be an emergency, you know?" Jason swims to the edge of the pool and rests his arms on the side of it, his blue-green eyes glistening humorously at his mom as he speaks. "Tch!" Bruce clicks his tongue and-for the thousandth and first time in a row-slides the red button to dismiss the call, "Our comms are for emergencies, not my phone. Kent should know that by now, and I bet he's calling for something stupid again...like to ask if I'm free for dinner."

Jason raises a brow at his mom, the curious look disappearing underwater as Stephanie suddenly appears and pushes the slightly younger boy under. "Oh~ are we having boyfriend troubles? But what's so wrong with dinner? I like to eat."

The alpha sputters as he resurfaces, his tone playfully mocking as he side eyes the blonde, "Trust me...we know you like to eat. It's not a mouse that makes all the snacks inside our house disappear."

Bruce can't help but to smile fondly at watching his children play together. His gaze softening at the playful (hopefully) way Stephanie protests and tackles the taller underwater, "Make sure not to kill your brother, Steph, I can't lose him a second time–" the man groans at the annoying sound of his ringtone blaring yet again, a growl escaping his lips as he finally picks up the call–"For goodness sake, Clark Joseph Kent, what could you possibly want this time?" The other side is silent for far too long, Bruce pulling the phone away from his ear to look at the screen and make sure that he actually accepted the call. "Well? Don't act all timid now! You do this too often and it bothers me. I'm not free for dinner-" he tuts at his children loudly shouting at how that's a lie, raising a finger to his lips to shush them despite knowing it's futile-"I'm not free for lunch or brunch either, and I am not your personal dictionary! You already know every word to ever exist, so I still don't know why you insist on calling me to ask about some stupid words."

Bruce pauses again, loudly sipping up his lemonade through the straw of his drink and smacking his lips loudly to let Clark know that he's busy outside...you know? Enjoying the rare good weather in Gotham.

"Do you even have anything to say for yourself?!"

The laugh that escapes from the other side of the phone is distinctly not Clark's.

Why? 

One: it's not the usual fond, yet exasperated, deep-yet soft-laugh Clark gives him, and two: this voice is a woman's tone.

"I think it's sweet of him ta want to hear ya voice, Batsy~"

Bruce feels his shoulders tense at the sound of–"Harleen? What are you doing with Clark's phone?" He doesn't know if he should be worried yet. Harley has definitely made improvements over the years in her behavior as well as mental state...but, she still can be a bit unstable and impulsive when she's bored. The woman raspberries Bruce through the phone at his tone of voice, her own sounding pouty when she says: "What? Ya don't trust me with your boy toy? I promise that I didn't take 'im for anything malicious-girl scout's honor! S'just...me and the girls–" There's already a painful throbbing taking place at Bruce's temples, the omega taking off his sunglasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose with his index and thumb fingers. "Harleen Quinzel! What do you mean by: 'me and the girls?!" He can already imagine the pout forming on the blonde's face, the woman huffing into the receiver before she shouts defensively, the line cutting in and out for a second as it sounds like she's wrestling with someone. "Good morning, Kitten. Excuse Harley for not getting to the point sooner..." the other line is silent for just a moment before Selina purrs into the microphone. "Beautiful morning though, isn't it? You enjoying the weather today with the kids?" 

"Selina."

Bruce hisses like a displeased cat, his body tensing more at the fact that both Harley and Selina are together...which most likely means that Pamela is with them too.

"What exactly is going on, and why do you have Clark's phone?"

"Fine. Don't answer my question then. And if you must know, the girls and I were performing our civic duties and giving one Mr. Kent a welfare check." 

Selina sing-songs into the phone, her smile widening at the sound of Bruce's distress on the other side, clicking the speaker button so Harley and Pamela can hear what the man has to say. "The last time you performed any sort of check-in on anyone or anything, was to make sure a museum still had the priceless artifact you wanted to steal. Why would you need to check on Clark anyway? He's fine." She gives an oddly cat-like grin at the unspoken-"right?"-at the end of his sentence. The woman looks up to her best friends and softly chuckles at the heart eyes Harley is making at the unsaid concern while Pamela fake gags and rolls her eyes at the display of affection from their beloved Bat. "Well, with the way you speak to the poor man, how can he be okay? I mean, c'mon baby, throw the man a bone or something...poor thing is trying his best. Which is why we had to come check on him, just to make sure he didn't die from such cruel treatment."

Bruce can feel his cheeks growing warm at the fact the three heard him complaining in such a way to Clark...or who he thought was Clark, and from the fact that they are taking the supers side instead of his.

"Whatever...so, what's the real reason you've abducted Clark? I know he doesn't have anything you want, not with his sort of salary, and I'm reassured in knowing that Selina is with you two...that means Clark isn't in any immediate danger." Bruce remains silent for a few seconds, causing the three stray Gotham rogues to smile at the unasked, "so what is it that you want?", left in the air. Ivy clears her throat this time and quiets Harley down when the woman loudly starts her hyperactive chattering back up, "Don't worry your pretty little head about your boyfriend, Bruce, we didn't steal him away to hurt him. We stole him away to get your attention."

Bruce sighs loudly into the phone...so much for a relaxing day with his kids.

"Clark, how did you even get kidnapped? You can't claim stealth because Harley is right there, and she couldn't be quiet to save her life." The blonde objects loudly at the words and glares playfully at the phone, "Hey! I'll have you know that I can be very quiet given the right incentive. And your boyfriend can't come to the phone right now...his mouth is kind of occupied...with a gag." 

The more they talk about how they kidnapped Clark, the more Bruce is becoming convinced that he shouldn't save the other man.

"You...gagged him?"

He can practically see Harley proudly nodding at her confession. 

Can see her arms crossing over her chest while she smiles victoriously as though what she did is perfectly legal.

"S'not my fault B-man, I swear! Mr. Truth and Justice over here started talking our ears off about how what we were doing was a crime and all that jazz. We couldn't take it anymore, so we gagged him and it's been blissfully silent since then."

At this point, all of Bruce's pups are out of the pool and gathered around him like a flock of hungry baby birds—hungry for gossip that is. He huffs fondly at the way Tim tugs on his wrist to bring the phone closer to himself and his siblings ears, the children smiling brightly at hearing their (on all levels except physical) aunties on the other line. "I get it. He tried to do the same thing to me when I was "trespassing" onto someone's property. How is it trespassing when my mom co-owns it? I swear, the injustice of the world today is truly baffling."

Harley perks up at hearing Jason's voice, an excited squeal escaping her at hearing her baby J's voice. "Heya, Bluejay! How's it goin' down there? You and I should rob a bank sometime together, been awhile since we got out for some fun."

Selina claps her hands excitedly at the words 'rob' and quickly asks if she could join them.

"No one is taking my kids out to do anything illegal...unless it's me." Bruce tries pulling the phone away from his nosy children, finding himself quickly being punished for it with a few elbows and feet digging into his sides and legs as they each take turns crawling over him until he's forced to lie back against his pool chair with a loud grunt, Damian snatching the phone out of his mother's hand and clicking the speaker button. "I have a question about the alien. Have you ended his miserable life yet–hey!" The ten year-old glares at Richard as the eldest snatches the device away and holds it up to his mouth, the man sticking his tongue out at the boy playfully when noticing the irritated look. "Don't kill dad 2.0, sometimes he is the only thing keeping all of us sane and out of prison. That being said...I am kind of disappointed in you, Clark, how did you not notice someone like Harley sneaking up on you? Her footsteps are just as loud as she is." 

Harley makes an offended noise in the back of her throat, "Hey! Pick on Superfreak here, but leave me outta this! I'll have you know that I've got the jump on ya family before, or have you forgotten all those moments?"

Bruce groans loudly and rubs at his temples as everyone starts shouting over one another, his tired gaze watching as all of his kids have managed to pile on top of Richard (who still has the phone) and snatch it away from the alpha while now playing keep away from each other. He grunts softly as Barbara (who snatched the device away last second) ducks and curls into his side, her hands clenching the phone tightly to her chest as her body shakes with the force of her laughter, the young woman scooting closer into her omega's side and using his arm as a shield from her siblings grabby hands. "Mom! Help me!" Despite the growing pressure in Bruce's head, he can't help the amused and soft smile unconsciously appearing on his face. He chuckles softly and uses the arm that was used as a shield to wrap it around the younger girl's waist and pull her away from his persistent children, batting away the rest with his left arm carefully. "Alright, alright. Stop trying to attack your sister-" before anyone can protest, Bruce raises his hand to quiet them down-"No. I don't want to hear any complaints–especially from you, Richard, you started it when you decided to snatch my phone away from Damian who snatched it away from me. And because Barbara is the one that handles most of our electronics, it's only fair that she be the one who wields my phone."  

Bruce smirks at the kids displeased groans and relaxes back against his chair (with Barbara now snug in his lap), thanking the woman with a slight nod as she holds the phone up to his lips.

"I'm sorry about that, ladies, the kids seem to be a bit energetic today. Can you put Clark on the phone so I can talk to him?"

The other end is quiet for a second before Pamela's voice sings into the speaker, "And what's the magic word?~"

Bruce chooses to ignore his twitching eyebrow and growls into the speaker, "Now."

The older sighs into her receiver and clicks her tongue, "You know that isn't the nice word we've been teaching you to use. Mr. Pennyworth would be ashamed of you if he heard the way you are talking to such a fine group of ladies-now, what do we say if we want to talk to abducted boyfriend's?"

Bruce rolls his eyes and grumbles, "Please...let me talk to Clark."

Before Ivy can give the younger what he wants, Selina takes the phone from her hands. "Ah-ah-ah, you have to say boyfriend." The ravenette winks at the Kryptonian and mouths something about, 'doing him a solid', her nose suddenly wrinkling at the tone of Bruce's voice. "Selina! I already said please." The woman shares a smile with Pamela at the almost petulant way he calls her name, sometimes it feels like she's teasing a younger sibling, which is why she relents with a tired sigh...as though Bruce is the one being difficult here. "Okay, okay. I'll give you your heart's desire, but only because of how adorable you are."

Bruce's brows unfurrow just the tiniest bit at finally getting what he wants.

Everyone listens closely as one of the three women on the other line's heels click across the floor before everything grows silent again, "Okay, B-man, here he is."

Even though he can't see him, Bruce finds his eyes narrowing accusingly at the phone-as though he's looking at Clark himself-his tone unhappy as he is finally able to scold his the alpha like he wanted to do in the first place. "What are you doing being taken so easily? I don't even need to witness what happened to know that you didn't even put up a fight—so what was it then, hm? Were you too distracted watching soap operas again? I've told you no matter how interesting something may seem, you always keep your eyes and ears out for any danger, even in the comfort of your own home."

The Wayne children settle into place as they listen to their mom ranting about social awareness. It's a very familiar conversation that they've all had to listen to time and time again—they're just happy that it's happening to someone else this time.

"You can never be too cautious-" Jason and Steph make a face at that one, plastering smiles on their faces when Bruce narrows his eyes suspiciously at them-"and you can never be too safe. Here I thought that you were just being needy and annoying for my attention again, but no! I answer the phone, expecting to have to tell you off for such behavior, only to make a fool of myself when it turns out I was never yelling at you in the first place—do you know how worried I was?"

Bruce pauses at his abrupt confession. His cheeks reddening under the teasing gaze (for Damian, a displeased glare) of his children while he purses his lips and quickly corrects his mistake.

"I thought your identity was found out and that whoever managed it knew who I was too. You could have put the children in unnecessary danger."

Jason scoffs and points a finger at Bruce, "I call bullshit. All the danger we are put in is 'unnecessary', mom, just admit that-for some reason-you are worried about Clark and if something bad happened to him."

Bruce has to bite his tongue so that he doesn't say anything, cause he knows that if he does, his kids will notice how defensive he seems, pick up on it, and laugh in his face even more than they are doing now. So, the oldest Wayne turns back to the phone and avoids the knowing stares of his children as he hisses into the phone, "Clark Joseph Kent! Are you suddenly deaf now?! Why are you ignoring me, you stupid alien."

Ivy whispers something about answering him now before one of the most pitiful sounds to ever be heard is made.

"M–Mph! Hmm—mm—mm—uhhh!"

"Oh my Go—Harley! You didn't even bother to remove the gag!?"

Selina and Pamela's evil cackles echo in the background of whatever space they are occupying, as if this whole ordeal is nothing but one big joke to them.

"Why tha heck are ya blamin' me?! I didn't do anything!"

Harley shrieks into the phone, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation at how she's being scolded for Pam and Selina's antics.

"Because I know that you were the one to suggest and go through with gagging him!"

Bruce yells back just as loudly, having to suck in a deep, calming breath at the continuous chortling of the other two rogues, and the loud guffaws of his pups. 

Harley scoffs and whines loudly, "That's not fair and you know it! Just because I'm the one that gagged your alpha, I'm also supposed to be the one to ungag 'im?!" The blonde omega pauses at how there's no answer, a chill running down her spine at the piercing mom glare she knows is being directed towards the phone. Harley sniffles pitifully at having Bruce scold her, the woman quickly flinging herself onto Clark's lap and hurriedly pulling the gag off while shoving the phone in the alien's face. "Mother is yelling at me! Hurry up and tell him that s'not my fault."

Clark's deep blue eyes dart to the side nervously at having (politely) this psycho (ex-psycho?) perched on top of his lap.

The alpha has never felt more confused and scared in his life before than right now...even though the big, watery, powder blue eyes Harley is looking up at him with is kind of softening (or mixing together with) his fear. 

Clark clears his throat and smacks his lips to get rid of the weird cloth-like taste in his mouth—well, not just cloth, it kind of has the faint taste of ketchup and grease from a burger.

Which is disgusting for the alpha to imagine a used cloth being stuffed inside his mouth—gag! (No pun intended)

Clark shakes away the disgust and clears his throat once more, leaning into the phone and giving his best 'don't worry dear, I've got this covered' smile. "Howdy, B-"

"Don't-" Bruce growls into the phone, an aggravated huff escaping him-"don't do that to me, you know I hate it. You don't get to howdy me like-like everything is fine!"

Clark suddenly feels like the weight of all the universes are on his shoulders as the pups once loud laughter dies down into nothingness, and Bruce's three friends keep their eyes trained on him like a hawk with a little mouse–as though they are waiting to see how he'll respond to their favorite omega. The alpha gives a gentle look to the phone screen, imagining that he's staring at Bruce's face and not cracked glass, his voice a soothing rumble as he speaks. "But everything is fine, darlin'. I'm speaking to you, aren't I? I promise that despite being attacked and assaulted with Kryptonite and forcefully gagged, I'm right as rain. I promise you that they have treated me well so far—in fact, I'm pretty sure I had some sort of flowery vine serve me some tea." 

Bruce feels stupid at the way his body melts at the term of endearment, a small, barely perceptible purr escaping his throat.

"They used Kryptonite on you?"

Uh oh...did Clark say that out loud?

Clark looks away from the cracked screen and towards the frantic waving of Pamela and Selina, the former making an x with her arms and mouthing no. Harley gives her sad puppy eyes again, a look of betrayal on the younger one's face as she stares at the Kryptonian. He was supposed to defend her actions, not throw her under the bus.

Clark apologizes with his eyes and clears his throat again. He has a choice to make here: 1. Tell the truth and let the trio take accountability for their actions and take all the blame or 2. Lie to Bruce and be in even more trouble for trying to cover their crimes up.

Yeah, it's obvious what choice he's making.

Option 3: Tell Bruce the truth while also lessening their guilt and assuring the omega it's not a big deal.

"Yeah, they used Kryptonite on me-" step one is completed! Clark is actually kind of enjoying the terror on their faces for being so honest-"But, I promise you that it was only enough to make me feel a bit weak so that they could easily slip me into their van. I'm pretty sure Lois was confused as to why there were three random women that were so insistent on helping a 'suddenly' sick man-that's me-by offering a ride to get me to the hospital. I'm pretty sure she thinks they've harvested my organs right now, but I'm fine!"

Harley frowns at how bad Clark is at this...it's as though each new word out of his mouth is only getting worse and digging their graves deeper.

She wants to be mad at the alpha for being such an awful liar, but she can't see it through. It's actually kind of...impressive how terrible Clark is at making things sound normal (enough). I mean, Harley knows how hard it is to actually get away with lying towards Bruce, cause the omega doesn't even need to see you to know something isn't right, but Clark could at least try to make an effort to be deceptive.

Clark beams proudly towards the three, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as to why Pamela and Selina are suddenly holding shovels and mapping out the best cemetery in Gotham to be buried at.

"I-...Clark, they showed up at your job? Or was Lois just with you somewhere else?"

The question makes the three women pause before Pamela and Selina renew their efforts on searching for a burial site, while Harley hugs onto Clark for dear life, whispering silent pleas to lie in his ear. "Yeah? They showed up at the Planet when me and Lois were going on break—it was Selina in an expensive looking black trenchcoat that approached me first with the Kryptonite concealed on her person, probably in her pockets? When I started feeling weak, that's when Pamela and Harleen-as concerned citizens might I add-noticed from in their van and came out to ask me if I was okay. I realized who they were and immediately knew something was wrong and the reason as to why I felt drained, but I didn't want to cause a scene in front of innocent civilians, so I tried to make my protests as subtle as possible." Clark pauses his storytelling to huff out an airy laugh, "But they didn't want subtle, as after I kept saying I'll be fine, Harley pulled out a gag while Selina and Pamela tied me with rope and dragged me to the van to toss me in. Lois was-" he glances at the despair etched on the worried lines of their faces and winks reassuringly at the three, as if he's making this sound good-"making things a little dramatic by screaming my name loudly in the middle of the street, it really wasn't that big of a deal, especially as she knows my identity already. I'm pretty sure I heard her high heel hit one of the windows in an attempt to stop the van from driving away."

Whew! Mission accomplished! 

Clark relaxes against the chair he's in and exhales in relief at ✨️SUCCESSFULLY✨️ diverting Bruce's attention away from what Harley did.

.

..

...

....

Yeah, because now Bruce's ire will be ✨️SUCCESSFULLY✨️ distributed between Pamela, Selina and Harley, not just one person instead.

"Clark Joseph Kent-" Bruce speaks oddly calmly into the phone-"haven't you thought that the reason Lois was so frightened is because she knows your identity? Therefore knowing what you're weak too and realizing why you 'suddenly fell sick'. Lois isn't an idiot-" like you goes unsaid-"she most likely saw that you weren't trying to make a scene, so she was doing her best to keep you by her side the whole time. Obviously, some people can't be as smart and subtle as Lois, so they get impatient and decide to openly gag and tie up poor, unsuspecting alpha's like a pig to the slaughter."

Oh?

Yeah, that actually makes sense. Clark can't help but to chuff proudly at how his omega is always so smart and perceptive, there's a reason why he's known as the World's Greatest Detective™ and not himself. 

But now, Clark feels his stomach drop at realizing what he's done to Lois. He just left his best friend on the sidewalk scared (for him) and alone!

"Oh my gosh! Bruce, Lois thinks I was taken by some evil masterminds! She probably assumes that they are using me for nefarious purposes already."

Bruce hisses in discontentment at this whole situation, trilling to his pups and telling them to get off of him, to which all of them immediately scramble off of his person, their eyes shining in joy at the thought of seeing someone else be scolded for once. The omega still has Barbara in his arms as he rises to stand, the man sighing at the pleading looks his kids give him before conceding to the desperate stares with a fond sigh, "Get dressed! We're gonna be good citizens and check-in on our friends."

That's all Bruce growls out before he hangs up the phone, causing the three women to groan loudly.

Selina sighs and leans against her shovel, "Well. Should we start digging our graves now then?"

Harley jumps at the insistent knocks on the door. Her eyes look towards Pam before looking back towards the door, silently asking the older to get it for her. She hasn't moved off of Clark's lap ever since Bruce's voice implied her swift demise—"Ah!" She jumps once more at the knocks getting louder, "Please, don't let him get me, Superman! I'm sorry for gagging ya, but I promise it'll never happen to you again."

Pamela sighs and stands when Bruce calls out to them through the door, the redhead straightens her dress and plasters a smile on her face as she opens the door to see Bruce Wayne with his hand raised, Damian held on his hip, and ready to bang on the wood again, his children surrounding him with various looks of amusement on their adorable faces. "Hello Brucie, I thought it odd that Batman would be knocking on the door." The omega remains silent as he stares the older woman down, bouncing Damian high on his hip and snatching the large sunglasses off of his nose as he pushes his way inside, all of his babies excitedly trailing behind him like ducklings. "I'm not in the mood for joking, Isley, where is...Clark."

The alpha smiles at Bruce, his warm scent escaping him at seeing his family actually come to retrieve him. "Hey, B! I told you I was doing just fine. Not a scratch on me!”

Harley squeaks nervously at the harsh glare Bruce gives her, a loud whines escaping the female omega as she curls up into Clark's lap and hides her face in the alpha's neck. “Don't let ‘im get me! I didn't mean any ill will by gaggin’ and tyin’ ya up-promise! Can you tell your wife that, please!”

Clark can't help but to huff out a small laugh at the way Harley is trying to crawl into his skin, though the smirk on his face fades at the sound of Bruce's displeased growls, it's not a sound that's too loud…yet…but it is a warning. “I-I don't think that he'd listen to me right now, Quinn.” 

Bruce's nose scrunches in displeasure while he narrows his eyes accusingly at Clark, angrily pointing at the man with the leg of his glasses, Damian copying his mom and pointing at the Kryptonian with his own glare. “Why would I listen to you, Kent?!” Damian sharply nods his head in agreement of his mother's ire while Clark flinches at the way the shorter man hisses his name and Harley stiffens up like a deer caught in the headlights, the younger remaining still as a defense mechanism, as though making any sudden moves will direct Bruce's frustration onto her again. “Do you know how stupidly you acted today!? It seems we need to teach you basic social awareness skills again since you missed out on that lesson from your parents and your school. A toddler would have reacted better than you did today if they were approached by three suspicious, highly deranged, individuals.”

Selina and Pamela nod in agreement before protesting the highly deranged individuals part, shutting up when Bruce growls their way.

“And you-” he points at Harley, adjusting Damian on his hip while the pup points at the other omega like Bruce is doing-”we have talked about gagging and tying people up before, have we not?” The young woman remains still, conceding to answering the question when Bruce starts calling her by full name. “Yes! Yes, we have talked about it…” she pouts and crosses her arms defiantly. “Only about a gazillion times now.” 

Bruce clicks his tongue at the attitude, “Don't take that tone of voice with me, Harleen. If we've talked about this a gazillion times, why do you insist on abducting people?”

The omega bats her eyelashes and sniffles pitifully, “Because no one wants to hang out with me! I may be workin’ on myself to try and do bettah…but my reputation is squashed, squandered, trampled, tarnished, obliterated, non-existent–you get the point! I mean…a girl just wants to have some normal friends sometimes-sorry Pam and Selina-but it's hard to do that when people are constantly scared of ya.” Bruce's eyes soften at the reasoning. I mean, he understands where people are coming from when looking at someone like Harleen, but he knows the younger one has been trying her best to be well-behaved, and she's still young…what young person doesn't want friends? The moment between mother and daughter is interrupted by Clark's baffled inquiry, “So your solution is gagging people and-slash-or tying them up like a Christmas gift?”

 The omega looks up at the alpha innocently and nods, “Mhm! S'like a little early Christmas gift just fa me.”

A deep sigh escapes the Kryptonian, “Babe…have we put this one in therapy yet?”

Pam snorts from the sidelines and waves her hand, “Don't be ridiculous! Harley insists on doing her therapy sessions herself.” At Clark's raised brow, she continues. “She looks in the bathroom mirror and starts asking herself the typical therapy questions and all that jazz, she has a lot of notebooks diagnosing herself with certain conditions or problems.” At both Clark and Bruce turning similar concerned glances her way, Harley lifts her head high and smiles while beating on her chest with a fist proudly. “Before anyone of you calls me crazy, 1: I already diagnosed myself with that-” she ignores someone's sarcastic muttering about how she figured that out-”2: I used to be a psychologist, so all my diagnosis are accurate and 3: who needs a professional when I already am one?” 

Bruce sighs and has Damian hold his glasses so he can rub the bridge of his nose, “Harleen…I have been paying for therapy sessions that you aren't even attending? Who's going to them then?”

Clark gives a quiet sigh of relief at finding out that, yes, they did in fact put that one in therapy.

“Darryl.”

Everyone is quiet at Harleen's answer. 

Stephanie glances around when everyone remains silent for too long, clearing her throat and gesturing for Harley to expand further on that response. “Since no one is willing to ask–who the fuck is Darryl?”

The Gotham Sirens respond with an exasperated sigh, as though Stephanie isn't getting something that is general knowledge. “C'mon, Darryl is Darryl.” Selina purrs as she wraps her arm around the young blonde's shoulders, “He's the nice bum that we occasionally invite over to stay here. He has a cat that he calls Junk-he found it in the trash-and apparently has three children he's not able to see. We haven't seen him in a bit though…so maybe therapy is doing something for him?” The kids turn to look at Bruce to gauge his reaction, noticing how the neat brows are even more furrowed together than before, a deep frown on their mom's face as the omega turns back to face Harleen and says. “Has it really been helping him that much? Does he need his own therapy sessions so you can go back to the one's you're supposed to be doing?”

Before Harley can respond, Clark clears his throat to get back on track. “I'm sure he's doing just fine with the therapist he's got right now–how about we get back to the fact I'm tied to this chair still.”

Harley hisses under her breath at Clark for bringing the topic back up, while one of the kids (Cass) finally notices something off about the alpha's predicament. 

The young beta steps closer to Bruce and tugs gently on his shirt, pointing at the ropes the Kryptonian is tied with when her mother looks at her. “Regular rope. No signs of Kryptonite.”

Bruce simply stares at the beta from the implications of her words before harshly whipping his head over to study (glare at) the ropes. “Clark. Joseph. Kent.” He growls low in his throat when seeing that there really is nothing keeping the alpha stuck to his seat: no Kryptonite, no explosive devices attached to the chair so that if Clark moves something explodes‐not even magic is infused into any of the items the alpha is bound to, he can tell because the man doesn't look weak like how he usually does when magic artifacts are involved. “You mean to tell me that you could have freed yourself this whole time? And I could have remained at home with my children?” There definitely is something weird going on, because Clark is making the guilty face, a face the older only makes when he does something that he knows Bruce won't exactly appreciate…like blowing up his phone to ask meaningless questions. “What did you do?”

The older man flinches at the question and smiles nervously, “Well…this whole scenario truly wasn't planned out, just so you kno-”

“You planned this?”

Uh oh. Bruce's voice is too calm.

Clark frantically shakes his head while Harley quickly pecks him on the cheek, wishing him good luck as she slides off of his lap and over towards her friends and Bruce's pups, the omega grunting softly as Damian is suddenly thrust into her arms as she walks by.

Uh oh. Now Bruce's arms are crossed in irritation. 

“I said: Did. You. Plan. This?”

It's at this moment that Clark breaks out of the rope, only because Bruce started to advance on him. “I said it wasn't planned! I promise, B.” He holds his hands out towards the angry omega in hopes to calm the other down, gently resting his palms on the tense shoulders and squeezing them periodically. “It's just…I haven't seen you in awhile, a-and the world has suddenly decided it wants peace as we haven't been contacted by the League in a couple weeks, and I was starting to get a bit bored and antsy at not seeing you.” The massaging kind of feels good, Bruce isn't going to lie, but he kind of hates how the words make his heart race, stomach flutter and body warm with delight at knowing how much his alpha Clark enjoys his company. “And the perfect opportunity arose-” a quick pause as he raises a brow at the alpha-”from your being abducted?”

Clark looks relieved suddenly, as though Bruce hit the nail on the head, as if he said something that finally makes sense.

“Yes! They really did treat me well after bringing me here-apologized and everything for the inconvenience. They just needed to find a way to grab your attention as they said showing up at your house would not be appreciated, and apparently you ignore a lot of their calls cause they ask for stupid stuff? Selina told me that this situation is actually more beneficial for me, because-in her words-you are: ‘a softhearted, kind, maybe even too kind, man who wants everyone-even his worst enemies-to be safe. So imagine how he'll react to his boyfriend being possibly threatened.’ They all said that you would show up…even if you were being inconvenienced, and you did! You came for me!” Clark beams at the omega and hugs onto him suddenly, a deep churr releasing from the taller man's lips as he not-so-subtly scents the other.

Bruce can't believe that he's been tricked into showing up here for a conversation that could have been had in any other way except this one, and bamboozled into thinking that Clark actually needed his help.

Well…

Okay. Maybe he's not actually all that surprised? Especially as the second one is all too easy to think. Clark is practically an oversized, too friendly, punch first and think about plans/consequences later, golden retriever.

“So you mean to tell me that you wasted my time just to have a test of loyalty?”

Richard sniffles on the sidelines and wipes a fake tear, “I think it's sweet that you showed up to help Clark. I think you passed the loyalty test, B, so isn't that a good thing?”

Pamela nods her head in agreement, “Yes. Cause you love and care for him. But, do remember that we said we wanted to catch your attention when we talked on the phone, and it wasn't just to get your attention on behalf of Clark. We actually needed to speak to you in person, but going to your house would be dangerous because-for some reason-you keep changing the security measures every time.”

Selina frowns at the reminder and interjects, “You singed my poor kitty, Island, the last time. Her luscious fur still hasn't properly grown back yet by the way.”

“And not to mention that, as Clark stated earlier, you don't respond to any of our calls. I mean, yes we keep annoying you, but what if we are in trouble one of these days and you just ignore us because we are annoying?”

At this point, Bruce's eyes are going to be stuck in the back of his head with how much he's been rolling them, however, he can't ignore a possible issue if what the three Sirens are saying is true. “Okay. Fine. You win. What was so important that you needed me to speak to you in person? If it's an emergency, we would have been notified of it through The Cave's systems.” It's at those words that Pam, Harley and Selina give one another odd looks until Harley is urged silently to say something. “Uh…well, it's ‘cause it's more of a personal issue? I think.” She adjusts her hold on Damian, who's grouchy from receiving snuggles from someone who's not his mom, to distract herself from the piercing look that is being sent her way because of the amount of doubt in her voice. 

“Harleen.” Bruce sighs tiredly at this point, unconsciously slumping into Clark's warm hold as the man continues to nose comfortingly at his neck. “Is it a personal issue or not? If it is…you know I'm willing to help you three, but I can't do that when I don't know what the problem is…if there is one in the first place.”

The younger omega nods in understanding, “I know! It's just that…the problem is The Riddler.”

Nevermind. Bruce retracts all previous statements of being able to help. His life is a joke.

Jason and his siblings giggle at Bruce's souring scent, the group huddled together and eating out of a popcorn tin while watching everything unfold. “Well, I guess we know the reason as to why the alarms didn't go off.”

That remark causes Bruce's kids to start laughing louder, the omega himself feeling his lips twitch a bit at the happy sound, and at the sight of Damian hiding his smile in Harley's neck. I mean, he knows that Ed has had his moment's, the man can show that he absolutely can be a threat…but, he's also a huge dork that seems lonely, and sometimes Bruce swears that the man causes trouble just so he can see the family together, rather than to actually be evil. “Alright, alright. Don't make comments about Edward when he's not here to defend himself. And what happened to him? Is he causing trouble or getting into it?”

Selina snaps her fingers with a smirk, “Yes.”

At the sight of Bruce's neck vein twitching (a sign that he's quickly getting fed up with the vague comments), Pamela quickly opens up her phone and clicks on the group chat room between herself, Selina, Harley and Edward Nygma (he keeps finding a way to get in). “This is the problem!” Bruce blinks quickly at the phone being shoved into his face suddenly, his brows furrowing and confusion rising at seeing a–”Invitation? You called me over so that I could bail you out of attending a party thrown by Edward Nygma?”

Selina scoffs at the judgmental tone and crosses her arms, “Okay. The tone of voice you're taking with us is rude, for one. And for two, I don't see you being eager to go to this party.”

Bruce rolls his eyes yet again and huffs, “I wasn't invited to the party in the first place.” He singsongs while glancing back down at the phone, squinting slightly as he actually reads what the invite says. “And it's not a party. He's invited you three to a concert, well, a musical actually.” Harley's nose scrunches in displeasure, “Ed's a pretty nice guy an’ all that…but you haven't hung around him like we've been forced to, Bruce. That guy doesn't know when to shut his mouth, like every second is meant for him to say something, when all you want is some nice, relaxing quiet. And when he's not being evil, he's soooo boring! Apparently he likes books and often tries to invite me to his private book club.”

Jason protests at that last bit, “Hey! What's wrong with books?”

Bruce smiles at his son and shushes him, “Nothing, Jay. Books are perfectly normal to like.”

“Yeah. Harles brain is just too small to read.” 

Selina cackles at Harley kicking at her in retaliation for the slick comment, Damian grunting in displeasure at being jostled around, a frustrating whine escaping him at the blonde omega's grip tightening on him. “Mother! I demand to be released from the wenches grasp now!” Harley screeches her protest, turning her focus onto the disgruntled pup instead and attacking the boy with playful bites to his chunky face, sending a quick glare Selina's way at the way she guffaws at Damian's comment. “That's rude! I'm practically like your aunt-sister-thing! You can't talk to me this way, ya brat! Show me some respect.”

Tim snorts, “The only people he truly respects are Alfred and mom…and occasionally Richard. The rest of us are like nothing to him.”

That comment unleashes chaos from everyone in the room: the kids start to fuss at Damian for not being nicer to them (though if they *the boys* payed attention, they'd realize he doesn't have much issues with their sisters), Harley starts whining in the boy's ear about being equals with Bruce because they are practically related, Selina gloats about being the aunt with the most respect (which is true); Ivy doesn't care and is content watching the chaos, and Clark is persistent on trying to become one with Bruce, with the way he's clinging onto the omega.

Unsurprisingly surprisingly! Out of all these things happening, Bruce is least bothered by Clark trying to meld himself into one flesh with him.

What he is bothered by, however, is that not once has he gotten a straight answer from anyone as to why he's here. I mean, yes, The Sirens showed him the cause of their concern, but they have also implied that there's more of an issue than just simply being invited to a musical.

Bruce's eye twitches while he gently shrugs Clark off of his body, marching forward to snatch Damian out of Harley's hold and back onto his hip, while huffing loudly in discontentment. “Harley, Pam and Selina-please! What is the concern-” he glares at Harleen when she goes to interrupt-”besides being invited over to a musical and book clubs. If this is your only ‘personal’ issue, then I'm going back home to relax with my kids.” He sighs at Clark's gentle tug on his shirt and the puppy eyes the man gives him, ”and Clark.” Harley blows a stray piece of hair away from her face and pouts at Bruce's yelling, “You didn't even let us finish the rest of our complaints and issues. Ya just assumed that we were complainin’ for no reason and accused us of wastin’ your time.”

Bruce, in order to remain sane, shoves his face into Damian's neck and inhales his milky aroma, automatically relaxing at the smell of baby and finally being able to reply calmly to the other omega. “Okay…fine. What other issues do you have with Ed?”

The three Sirens look at each other curiously before one of them (Selina) decides to answer, the woman's smile too kind and sweet for this situation, her words not helping Bruce to feel any better about this situation. “So don't panic…but, what one of our issues was is that Ed kind of wanted to include something-” she spreads out her hands and wiggles her fingers while giving them a small shake-”magical to his musical.”

Bruce feels a bad omen at the way Selina says, ‘magical’, his eyes narrow suspiciously at the alpha and the way she only smiles more at his glaring. “What does that mean? What did Ed do now?”

Ivy sighs and clicks away at her own phone screen before pulling up a video for Bruce, Clark and the kids to watch. “Why bother wasting our precious time describing our problem when we could just show you. Watch.”

The video starts and is immediately met with Edward's off key singing of Sabrina Carpenter's Espresso, with the lyrics changed slightly to fit Ed's name. “I'm working late, cause I'm the Riddler. Oh, he looks so cute wrapped ‘round my finger. And my twisted riddles confuse him so often. The answer key is in your noggin. Too bad your brain don't do it for ya. Small brain that-”

The audio fades into nothingness as Bruce stares at the screen in horror, at the poor people trapped by the magic staff in Edward's hands to sit through this non-musical.

Selina shakes her head at what's happening within the video in disappointment before she looks at the troubled look Bruce wears. “I know right! This isn't even a musical! This is more like a shoddy attempt at a concert. When I think of musicals, I think of something dramatic, fun and even refined…but this-” she clicks her tongue repeatedly-”this is an absolute horror show. Alfred would be so disappointed in him right now if he saw this.”

Damian's nose scrunches in disgust, “Forget about that. Look at what he's wearing. I've never seen an outfit that ugly since Grayson was Robin.”

Richard loudly protests and looks at Damian in betrayal, “That is rude! I admit that my costume was a bit over the top, but it was colorful and artistic; think camp, thank you very much! It was inspired by the circus.”

Jason snorts and leans down towards Damian to, not so loudly, whisper to the pup, “That explains it.”

Damian actually gives Jason a big smile before laughing with the older, all at Richard's expense, his cheeks rounding out as his smile widens. “That's true! It's a great thing Gotham has tainted his color palette. His Nightwing costume is more palatable than before.” The rest of the kids join in on making fun of Richard while the eldest whines pitifully, tugging on Bruce's shirt to hopefully get the man to defend his honor. “Mom! Your children are being bullies to me again! I had great taste as a kid, right? You even told me so when letting me choose the colors.”

Bruce blinks away the shock and turns to look at his eldest, “Huh? Oh…oh, yes. You were-and still are-very creative sweetheart. You looked so adorable in your clothes.”

Richard gives a smug smile to the rest of his siblings, basking in the complement with his chest puffed out in pride while the chaos unfolds. 

Jason steps back like he's been slapped (dramatic) when hearing the compliment, his nose scrunching in disgust at the thought of that style being the standard for creativity. “Mama, but I was the first one who actually had style right? I was really creative too. And I didn't look like a whole circus act.”

Tim grabs his chest like he's having a heart attack (extra) and gasps at Richard (of all people) receiving compliments on his fashion choices. “Mommy, I was the first one to introduce the chic colors: black and red, into my designs. Aren't I smart?”

Barbara shakes her head (pretty normal), disappointed that Bruce could ever be fooled into thinking that that outfit's color scheme is talent. It seems the toxins over the years have done more damage to his psyche than realized. “Mom, my costume is an elegant deep blue with the yellow Bat-symbol, that is elegance I tell you. And I'm the first girl, soooo.”

Cass just smiles humorously at the situation and gestures to herself up and down, cause she knows that she's the real queen here (CEO behavior).

Stephanie drops to her knees and pounds at the ground with her fists, chanting, ‘why’ ‘why’ ‘why’, (melodramatic drama queen) over and over again. Looking up at the ceiling before simply stating her case, “But ma, the purple!”

And Damian, his poor chubby face grows red with anger (maybe even embarrassment on Richard's behalf) while he grips tightly to Bruce's shirt, his little legs tightening on his mother's waist as he snuggles as close as he can to the omega (baby reaction). “Mommy! I'm the best one! I'm the cutest you've ever seen, not those-those heathens.”

Bruce peppers Damian's distressed face in kisses before reassuring his children, “I think you all display varying types of artistic talent. Yes. That does include more vibrant themes alongside the more chic or neutral one's, I love all the things my babies do.” In order to further calm down the kids' temperaments, he gives them all a proud smile before moving back to the actual issue at hand. “That being said, you all are focusing on the wrong things. This isn't about Edward's lack of proper pitch, nor is it his god awful fashion sense, this is about the fact he has a very dangerous magic staff that has been missing for months now.”

All the kids stop their antics long enough to stare at the staff and ‘ah’ in remembrance. 

“That's the artifact we've been looking for for a while now! How did someone like Eddie get it?”

Ivy shrugs at Tim's question, “I don't know? He's unassuming? Or something polite like that.”

Bruce sighs and turns towards Clark, “You. You're sorry for wasting my time, right Clark?” The alpha perks up like a dog seeing a bone at being addressed, his midnight blue eyes wide as he nods his head and ignoring the Batkid that whispers, ‘simp’, under their breath. “Yes. I know how much you like spending time with the kids…especially in a normal way. I didn't even have to do all this now that I think about it, I could have just flown down to the Manor.”

Bruce nods and tilts his head to the window, not being able to gesture with his hand because Damian won't let him go. 

“Then go change into Superman. We're heading to-” he pauses and takes another peek at the video, trying to gauge where exactly The Riddler is at, but it's hard to focus when most of the scenery is covered by stage lights and a gaudy looking stage. ”Ladies, where exactly is Ed at?”

Harley pops her bubble gum loudly (when did she get that?) and twirls it onto her index finger lazily, “Where else but Manhattan. That's where he's torturing people.”

Bruce nods and turns back to Clark (who already left to change at that point), the alpha smiling wide and standing tall, most likely pleased that he's allowed to carry his omega today. “I heard everything! One trip to Manhattan, coming right up! Uh…is this a family affair?” He glances at the children and The Sirens, smiling fondly at the younger one's shouts of excitement. “No. They are staying here with The Sirens.” 

Everyone starts booing at Bruce's answer, Damian tugging insistently at his mom's shirt. “But mommy, that's not faaaaair.” 

He can't help the small twitch of his lips at Damian's whining, knowing that the boy would insist otherwise if it was brought up.

Tim latches onto Bruce's leg next and nods in agreement, “Damian's right! It's not fair when we can be a lot of help, mommy, please?” He looks down at Tim and then the rest of his kids, sighing at the sight of wide eyes, trembling lips and the sound of pitiful puppy whining. He already knows the battle is lost so he looks at Clark again, flushing pink at the knowing look the alpha is giving him.

“Oh, shut it, Kent. We're all going to Manhattan.”

Everyone starts cheering in excitement, an eager voice coming from the earpiece that Bruce forgot he put in his ear before leaving. “I'll fly the Batplane over right away, Master Bruce, we wouldn't want to miss out on the fun, now would we?” Clark and Bruce share a surprised look with one another before laughing at Alfred's antics (in the latter's case, a soft puff of air from his lips).

Right...how could they forget about Alfred and his affinity for the musical arts?

Superman squeezes the back of Batman's upper thighs with a content sigh, giving an innocent smile to the omega when he glares at him through the white lenses. “Hi.” The Bat grumbles moodily and carefully tucks Robin into his chest, leaning to whisper in the Kryptonian's ear. “Hi yourself. And don't do that while the kids are here…if Robin were to see that he'd fall out of my arms.”

In response, Superman carefully squeezes Batman's legs again, nuzzling his face carefully into the man's mask while eyeing the red bundle in the other's arms.

“He can't even see us right now with the way you bundled him up in my cape like a newborn. I like holding you like this.”

Batman blushes at the sudden confession, headbutting Superman's face carefully (so as to not crack his mask) out of his own embarrassment. “Shut up! And just get us to Manhattan as quickly as possible, before you say something even more stupid.” The alpha smiles fondly at the familiar disposition, churring calmly towards the omega and placing a gentle kiss to the temple of his cowl. “I was trying to get us there quickly by offering to wrap you up in my cape, but Damian insisted on coming with us to-and I quote: ‘keep you safe from the mysterious wiles of your unproclaimed boy toy.’ And then that led you to insisting that he be the only one to wear the cape when you both could have worn it.”

Robin's voice is muffled as he whines speaks through the red material, “I told mom that I have no need of such protections, but he never listens to me.”

Batman shushes the pup and sticks his nose up in the air defiantly, “It isn't my fault that my baby gets cold so easily. So, no, I didn't listen to you Damian or you would have started whining to me about it the whole time. And you, Clark, don't you pay attention to us? I thought you knew these things.” Superman cringes internally at the displeased pout of his omega's lips. He knows the other's eyes are alight with irritation to what should be common knowledge about the kids, and it is…really, the alpha pays attention to everything Bruce and his family does, especially towards the things that make them uncomfortable, but that was kind of the whole point of not offering Damian the cape was in the hopes the boy would hate the cold too much to want to interrupt. “You know I pay attention to you guys. I'm sorry that I was foolish and made it sound like I don't know about these things.”

The vigilante huffs and shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. 

“I don't care about that. Why would I care about that? Cause I don't care about the fact you don't know things about my pups. Who said I cared about it? Cause I don't.”

Damian's tsks in response to Batman's tone of voice, his own voice sounding disappointed in Superman but not surprised as he gives his two cents. “And this is why I told you to be weary of him, mother. What kind of alpha is he? Not remembering the important things. I understand if you desire to break up with him, you don't need him anyway.” Superman glares at the cape, his gaze practically yelling at the pup inside of it to shut up, but his attention should be refocused on the unhappy omega in his arms…not some bratty ten-year-old. “C'mon darlin’, it's okay for you to care about it. We've known each other for quite a long time now, so to think I don't know anything about our kids must be frustrating to you. But you know I notice everything about you all, and I know you know that because you often get snippy at me cause I hover over everyone. Or so you say.”

The alpha smiles fondly at the other slowly relaxing into his hold, his deep blue eyes focusing on the small twitches of Batman's lip corners as the omega tries not to smile at the memory of him hissing at Clark like an angry cat to get away from him.

“I do say. But that's because you do hover over me…only reserve that for the kids, they manage to get themselves tangled up in the craziest messes.”

Superman raises a thick brow when Batman turns his head to look at him. “Yeah? And what about you, omega? You get yourself into a lot of trouble too, and someone has to look out for ya, because sometimes you have trouble doing it.” The shorter man licks his lips absentmindedly at how close Superman's face is to his, his icy blues darting down to look at the soft skin of the supers mouth. “But maybe I like trouble, have you ever thought of that, alpha? The Kryptonian leans in further, his breath ghosting over Batman's plump lips as he shows a bit of fang in his smile. “Yeah, I have thought of that. You don't need to be the World's Greatest Detective to figure that one out. But maybe I like a good challenge just as much as the next Bat, have you ever thought of that?”

Batman returns the smile with one of his own, the look unfitting of someone like Batman with the amount of charm put into it.

“I have. You don't need to be an investigative journalist to spot that truth, Superman. And who better to deal with danger than you?”

Their moment is interrupted by Robin wiggling aggressively inside of his prison cocoon, the boy huffing and puffing dramatically so the attention is back on him. “Just drop me now, mommy, because now I know that you no longer love me.” Superman shares a humorous look with the Bat before pulling away from the omega's lips, the shorter man clearing his throat in the attempt to re-center his priorities. “Of course I love you, Robin, why wouldn't I? What changed between a few seconds ago and now?” 

The boy sniffles pitifully and mutters, “The fact that you aren't breaking up with Kent. Now he's moved from an infamous boy toy to a father of seven and a half.”

‘Infamous boy toy?’ Superman mouths with a slightly offended look on his face.

Batman softly kisses the alpha's cheek in consolation so Robin doesn't hear it before addressing the pup. “Well…if I broke up with Clark now, who else will I get to watch over you kids? And why seven and a half kids? Who's the half?”

“Quinn. She's a weird, self proclaimed aunt-sister–sister-aunt thing, hence the half. That is her statement and not mine, for I see her as half a headache and half a nuisance.”

Batman chuckles softly at Robin's petulant tone, burying his smile in the red material of Superman's cape. “Don't be so mean to Harley, she's trying…even though she can be a bit of a headache.”

Somehow, Harley must hear what they are talking about, as the omega knocks hurriedly on the glass of the Batplane while loudly shouting what Batman assumes to be complaints. He can't hear her through the material of the window and the wind blowing in his ears, but Superman can, cause the alpha's face is twisting into a mirthful look, a fact that displeases the blonde as her disgruntled frown deepens and she seems to be screaming now.

 “I don't think Harleen appreciates you two talking about her when she's not here to defend herself.”

Batman glances at the young woman and smirks, “She'll be fine. Everyone talks about her all the time, but it's okay, she talks about everyone too. Her, Selina and Pam are the main contributors to Gotham's underground gossip, so I think that she can be adult enough to handle me calling her a headache.” Harley squints in concentration on the Bat's lips, her mouth opening in shock at seeing the word adult being used in reference to her. She immediately shakes her head in denial while wrapping Spoiler's cape around her head like a swaddled baby and gives the older heroes a wide-eyed stare while sucking at her thumb.

“My God she needs therapy.”

Superman mutters in Batman's ear, the younger chuckling softly before growing silent at hearing a screeching sound, his ears tingling from the sudden loud noise.

“Do you hear that?”

Superman shares a look with the Bat, quickly descending towards the noise and wincing when it happens again. “It sounds like…”

The two heroes speak at the same time, “Edward.”

Robin groans loudly in distress, “Nevermind mother…you don't hate me, you despise me. Why would we go near the noise?”

Batman shushes his pup so that he can hear what else might be going on, sighing softly at seeing Ed prancing around on stage in a green leotard with a question mark on it and a pair of bedazzled dance pants. “Gooooodnight baaaaby. Gooooodnight the-” The Riddler gasps in excitement and points up at the sky-"Batman's on his way. Everybody, please welcome Gotham's favorite Bat, Batman!” The people forced to participate in the attempt at Broadway all shout in relief at seeing their savior, “Finally! Batman, you need to help us! It's been a nightmare to listen to this.”

The Riddler squints against the harsh glare of the stage lights, trying to find whatever civilian said that. “Shut up! You're just jealous because you aren't the star of the show.” 

He waves around his magic staff like it's a baton, an excited gasp escaping him at seeing the Batplane land nearby and Batman's kids come tumbling out of it noisily. “Oh! Kids! You brought the kids with you? Oh, it's been awhile since I've seen the children. Hello children.”

The kids (Barbara) respond accordingly to the polite greeting, “Hello Eddie, it's been awhile since we've heard from you-”

Stephanie snorts, “And what we have heard so far hasn't been any good.”

Jason shares a look with the older girl, “It's been god awful.”

Damian finally pokes his head out of his burrito, looking like an angry caterpillar bursting out of its casing with the way his little head is the only visible part of his body. “It's been an absolute nightmare! You are too pitchy and off tune.”

The Riddler sputters as he's immediately judged harshly for his singing, the kids not letting him breathe as they keep critiquing him.

Tim writes away at his notepad, as though he's writing a list of things Edward did wrong. “His throat also sounds dry when singing, like you've been left in a desert for too long. Did you properly hydrate and do the proper vocal exercises before attempting such an act? I can give you some tips on what to do and not do so your vocal cords don't end up pulled from lack of proper exercise.”

The Riddler actually feels touched by the offer, using the magic staff to teleport the note Red Robin just ripped out of his notebook and extended towards him into his own hand.

His face falls when he sees the first step: Don't sing before learning how to do it properly. 

The alpha crumples up the paper with a huff and throws it at Superman (why?), his honey brown eyes turn to Cass desperately at his last hope of some kindness. “Black Bat? Surely you have something nice to say?”

She shakes her head slowly and blows a raspberry while giving a thumbs down.

The audience is finally enjoying the show, who knew watching The Riddler be roasted by a whole army of children could be so entertaining? As he deserves for making them suffer for so long.

Harley, Pamela and Selina try to remain unseen by Edward, but the man notices the blonde pigtails bobbing through the crowd as the woman tries to crawl away. “Quinn, is that you? I can't believe you three actually came.” The two female alphas glare at the omega, daring her to say something and groaning softly when she doesn't listen to their warning. “This isn't Harley Quinn and I don't have Selina and Pam right next to me. They are not glaring at me, and they are not going to act on the look of violence they are giving me.” 

The younger woman yelps loudly as she's slapped in the back of the head twice, the two grabbing her by the upper arms while tugging her to stand. 

“Hello Ed, looks like we could make it after all. But Harley ruined our surprise for you.”

The blonde looks at Pamela in confusion, her whisper not so quiet as she says: “But I thought we said that we weren't coming to this shit show? I'm pretty sure you called it that at one point when we were talking about it in the plane.”

Pam keeps the smile on her face as she steps on Harley's foot.

“Do you know how to shut up? Edward is a sensitive soul…we can't just say that he's boring to his face.”

Riddler frowns at Harleen's comment, “This isn't a shit show! This is art! Isn't it art?” He glances at the silent crowd curiously, someone in the audience coughing once in response. “Fine…I see how it is.” Everyone watches as The Riddler slumps in defeat, his shoulders slumping as he hunches in on himself and one random rain cloud looms over him, drenching the defeated form in its tears. “No one thinks I have the skill to pull off a genuine Broadway performance, is that it?”

This time, he receives two coughs for his efforts.

Batman taps his foot in quick succession, doing his best to not give into the sad, defeated look Edward gives to the audience. It doesn't work though, not when the man turns that pitiful look his way, his lower lip trembling as a crack of thunder sounds as soon as they make eye contact.

“Apologize to him, kids.”

The gentle command is immediately met with complaints, the pups whining about how they were just giving their honest review. 

“But moooom, if he wants to make it as a Broadway star, he'll have to learn to take harsh criticism.”

Batman turns the mirrored lenses of his mask to be see-through. His hip cocked to the side, eyebrow raising high, glare nothing else but to be described as maternal as he clears his throat in warning, voice deceptively soft as he repeats himself. “I said, apologize to Edward right now.”

When seeing the kids about to protest again, he drops his kind tone.

“Redhood, Red Robin, Spoiler, Black Bat and Robin. What did I just say?”

Batgirl and Nightwing step away from their younger siblings to avoid the glare, everyone remaining silent at the tone Batman has, the audience starting to apologize just in case they earn the Bat's ire next. The older four start to apologize, some (meaning Jason) begrudgingly doing it, while the baby remains stubborn about what he said, his cheeks puffed out like a puffer fish as he pouts at being scolded. 

“I don't have to apologize. He is pitchy and off tune.”

The audience gasps at the defiance, everyone turning in their seats to watch the drama unfold right in front of their eyes.

“Robin.” Batman frowns at his youngest, “I'm not having you apologize for what you said, I'm having you apologize because of the way in which you said it. There's a way to critique and give constructive criticism without being rude about it.”

Robin pouts further, mumbling so only Batman (and Superman) can hear him. “But you're rude all the time. That's what you're popular for, isn't it?”

The omega gapes at his pup's attitude right now.

I mean…the boy isn't exactly wrong, which is the hardest part to argue against, but isn't that one of the points of being an adult? You teach do as I say (when it's good advice) and not as I do. Luckily, Batman isn't left to flounder around for a response, because Superman (like a true dad) swoops in to help handle the kids, the alpha's tone is no nonsense as he addresses the pup.

“Robin, apologize to your mother and to Riddler right now like he asked you to do nicely the first time. And no more arguing, do you hear me?”

Usually Robin would have much more to say, especially when it comes to Superman acting like his dad, however, there are moments where Clark shows that he can be just as in control and serious as his caste is said to be like. Right now is one of those moments. Where the man's usually kind look is hardened into something paternal; fatherly, in a way that only a dad would look at his pups to help correct them, and those are the moments that get to Batman's kids the most. Especially as most are used to violence being used as a way to maintain control, sadly because of most of their upbringings, but very rarely have they seen an example of a good father…and even if some find it hard to admit, Clark is that healthy example of what not just a dad/father should embody, but a man. 

The pup purses his lips with a small, apologetic whimper. “I'm sorry for being harsh with my opinion, Nygma.”

Robin turns his watery gaze to Batman and sniffles pitifully, genuinely apologetic for calling his mom rude. “I'm sorry, mama. You aren't r-rude. You treat people way more nicely than I ever do.”

The omega coos soothingly at the sight of his pup's tears, hugging the boy close and kissing his temple kindly. “Don't cry, baby. I'm not mad at you, and neither is Superman, okay? And you are a very kindhearted young boy. You wouldn't desire to fight the way you do if there wasn't kindness in your heart, so it's okay.” 

The rest of the kids join the hug, taking turns calming the youngest and snuggling the top of his head.

Agent A watches from the sidelines, a fond smile gracing his usually stoic face as he takes in his family. The older man fixes his top hat and twirls his cane between his fingers before clapping for everyone's attention. “I do not wish to interrupt what's going on to be rude, but I do believe we still have an issue at hand.” The old alpha points his cane at The Riddler almost accusingly, “You! My good sir, must have not watched any Broadway performances before coming here to do this. Where is the emotion in your singing? The conviction in your dance? The spirit brought forth in the tune you carry? And for the love of all things with a sense of style, where is the personality and whimsy within your costume?”

Batman mumbles about getting Alfred started on his stage-dad personality, watching as the man makes his way towards Riddler's makeshift stage.

“You stole a magic staff and this is how you desire to use it? You look like a walking drug trip, and not in the fun sixties kind of way. Might I suggest to you a few modifications?”

Edward looks down at himself and back up at this random, masked old dude he's never met before. “Uhhh, sure?”

Agent A waves Nightwing over, the younger alpha perks up and runs up on the stage, pulling Ed aside so they can discuss the whimsical side of his stage outfit, soon being joined by Jason who softly shares his ideas on the personality aspect of the clothes. One by one, the Batkids slowly make their way over to the stage, each one finding something to help out with or prepare: Black Bat and Spoiler help make the props, Barbara starts working on the technical side of things, Red Robin starts making blueprints to a much better stage build, and their aunts (slash sister-thing); Selina, Pamela and Ivy handle making the costumes and adding on little details that will help pull their vision together. 

Batman sighs fondly at how quickly his family can get distracted by certain things. 

The omega looks down at his little burrito, nudging the pup softly with his forehead and gesturing towards the stage. “Would you like to go join them? I think you could help a lot.” Robin tries to look like he's not interested, though that fails as his green eyes keep drifting back to the lively stage in curiosity. “Tch! Why would I join them? I won't be able to help them with anything.” Superman leans in over Batman's shoulder, his hand resting on the omega's waist as he whispers secretly to the pup. “You sure? I heard from a certain someone that you are pretty good at art. That takes a lot of creativity and imagination that would help out with a project like this…maybe you can share some of your ideas with Red Robin?”

The boy ponders the suggestion carefully, his eyebrows scrunching together thoughtfully. 

“Well…I-I suppose this could be my chance to show them I'm superior in all art forms.”

Superman only smiles and nods, “Of course.”

The pup sits in thought for a few more seconds before wiggling in the cape, “Mama. May I join them?”

Batman smiles sweetly and carefully unwraps Robin from Superman's cape, folding the material up and draping it over his arm as he watches his youngest run off towards his siblings, a chuckle escaping his lips as the pup immediately snatches the tablet away from Red Robin causing an argument. “It never ends with those two, does it?”

The omega turns to look at Superman after not receiving an answer, his cheeks flushing pink at the loving stare the alpha is giving him.

“What? Stop looking at me like that when we're in public.”

The vigilante smooths out Superman's cape before fastening it back in place as a distraction from the soft look he's getting from the taller. “There you go. It's back in its rightful place.” The super's smile widens as he looks down at the other, “You're cute when you get embarrassed. If you don't try insulting me, you deflect to another topic, even if it doesn't make sense.” Batman huffs softly and allows Superman to wrap his arms around his waist again, cheeks darkening as he fiddles with the man's thick fingers idly. “Earlier you-”

He swallows nervously when the alpha gives him his undivided attention.

“Earlier, when we were flying here to Manhattan, you made a comment about the kids being our kids when I…got moody because I thought you didn't pay attention to us. Do you remember that?”

Superman's eyes soften and he nods his head, “Yes I do. Why? Did that-Did I make you feel uncomfortable?”

Batman feels guilty at the worry in the other man's eyes, shaking his head too quickly as he tries to tell the man how he feels. “N-No! I-...it made me feel–Clark.” The alpha holds eye contact with the omega while he tilts his head curiously, making sure no one hears the name slip before responding. “Bruce.” He whispers the name reverently, as though saying it any other way would be a crime. “What is it?” The shorter makes sure no one is looking before turning to Superman until they are chest to chest, pulling both the alpha's arms around his waist and sighing contentedly at the secure feeling of it. “I didn't mind the comment. If anything, I really enjoyed the comment because it makes things feel…complete. I-I know I fuss at you a lot for hovering and calling me under the guise of needing help with your work-and we both know that's not true-but, I truly do appreciate all the work you put into this family. Into me.” The alpha presses his forehead against the mask and smiles, “It's not an obligation. To me, that's what work symbolizes is a sense of obligation, and that's not to say that obligations are necessarily bad. But, I love you and our family, B. I do what I do cause I love every single one of you, attitudes and all.”

Batman feels his heart race and stomach flutter at those words, “You love me? You've never said it before.”

The alpha chuckles and shakes his head softly, “You would have tried running away if I ever said it to you while you were awake. I had to whisper it during early mornings in my apartment or The Manor when you are too tired to move or process anything. Do you know you sleep heavier when you are around people you trust?”

The Bat bites his lip to keep from smiling, “I do know that. It's because I trust you.”

Superman gasps softly in surprise, accidentally floating off the ground in excitement with the younger securely held in his arms. “You've never said that before.”

The two draw closer and closer together, until their lips are just barely brushing against one another's, the shouting of their children pulling them out of the moment as they look down at the pups with a tender stare. “Hm.” Batman hums softly, “I have said it before. When you are too distracted being super, coming home to your apartment or The Manor exhausted from having the weight of the world on your shoulders. I whisper it when you tiredly untie your tie, or when you drowsily prepare a simple late-night dinner, or when you're in your own head thinking about all the what if's of the circumstances of the people you've saved.”

He smiles when Superman looks at him again.

“Do you know that you let go when you're around people you trust? You start to float or your muscles relax whenever I whisper, I trust you, cause even when you don't hear me, you hear me.”

Superman closes his eyes and allows himself to fly just a bit higher with Bruce, soaking in the enthusiastic instruction of Alfred and the good-natured arguing of their children as he smiles wide, pressing his lips gently to the corner of the omega's as he answers.

“I do know that.”