Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Keith should be arriving soon, chop, chop, everyone!” I say, as I rush around the kitchen looking for that one molding thingy, for the cupcakes

UGH.

God, what is it called again?!

Pidge groans from her spot on the kitchen counter and i have to stop myself from massaging the bridge of my nose for the tenth time this afternoon.

“Jeezzzzz, Lance," She starts and I turn around, my mum face already on "Calm down, Keith, won’t even actually care for stuff like this "   She continues complaining as if him not caring matters like, at all!!  Everyone knows it's the thought that counts, the thought of the other people, that are gonna see me do this for him, I mean, I'd be crazy to do all this just in case Keith, alone. Might like it!!...

Yeah...

I'm totally doing all this because I care about how other people perceive me and not because Keith Kogane. My ex, my soulmate, and a lot of other things to me    that I don't wanna think about!!     might want it...

Holy mother of christ, am I pathetic! 

I'm snapped out of my mini pity party when Pidge, who was still ranting practically yells in defeat, "Hell why are we even doing this?! he won’t care!” and I decide I've had enough right then and there.

My hands fall from where they were on my hips, and I cross my hands instead, shifting to my other foot with a very menacing glare, the one I would use when Id call Keith out on his bullshit   

She seems to get the hint because she straightens, but doesn’t bother hiding the eye roll that accompanied the action.

As I turn back around, after another moment (for good measure), back in my own world trying to find the damn cupcake molder thingy and not think about a certain mullet haired ex, who the said cupcakes were for,

 Hunk lets out a little yelp from where he’s standing near the oven, his right hand clutched to his chest and I immediately rush over to him.

”Hey, Hunk, you okay buddy?”

I ask carefully, my hand on his left shoulder, my face pinched in concern

Pidge huffs, and can’t seem to, very unhelpfully, add “Geez, your such a Mom, Lance” 

I completely ignore her.

”Yea, I’m alright buddy,” Hunk starts, and my face eases a bit “ I just forgot my baking mittens, when I tried to take the cookies out of the oven” Hunk finishes with a sheepish grin 

Out of the corner of my eyes, I see Pidge open her mouth to, probably add another unwanted grumpy comment, and I shoot her a dirty look. 
She shuts her mouth… for now.

I turn back to Hunk. The gears in my head turning.

Hunk is a professional chef now, and even before, we all knew he was an exceptional cook, and it showed too. 

And since he cooks for, pretty much everyone, all the time, Hunk is not one to often get injured in the kitchen because of his skill, and experience. 

The only time that he really gets hurt anymore is when he’s not focused, and that’s normally when his anxiety works himself up, and that hasn’t happened in years after the war was over. 

I turn back to face Pidge with a concerned expression, and she gives me a look, before I roll my eyes and signal to Hunks hand, she looks over, her face split in mild disinterest and confusion for a moment, before the genius finally seems to understand what I’m thinking. 

Her face scrunches up again, in concern, an expression that is sure to mirror mine.

We meet each other’s eyes and a kind of serious understanding washes over the both of us, the room is no longer filled with jokingly frustrated teases. After a moment, we seem to have come to an mutual agreement of sorts, because I turn back to Hunk, clearing my voice.

“Hey, Hunk, Buddy, we think you should go sit down, and take a breather” I say as softly as possible.

Hunk, stands straighter, his face twisted with guilt, “What, no, Keith’s coming, I can help you guys, my hands fine now, see—“ 

“Hunk. Go sit down” 

Pidge says using her own no bullshit persona which she too, used solely on Keith. Well back when he was still around for her to use it on him. Point is the woman spoke, and left no room for argument, in her normal Pidgey way.

Yet Hunk just blinks, obviously not expecting to be the one on the receiving end of the scolding, for once. He looks between the two of us, before sighing in defeat.

My shoulders ease a bit at the sound, and I see Pidges do the same.

Good, we can talk to Hunk about what’s up later. 

“Go to Rachel, she’s probably still setting the picnic outside, she can patch you up with the med kit we have lying around the house somewhere,” I say, “It’s probably in the bathroom, but Lisa might have moved it, because of Silvio and Nadia, so you might wanna ask Lisa for it, instead” I add in thought

“And after, you go sit down, on the beautiful couches that Lances mum and sister in law picked out, got it?” Pidge says in a very stern tone not so diffferent from her usual tone.

Ha! Ever the bossy one, Pidge, I can't help but fondly notice. 

Hunk Chuckles, “Look who’s acting like a mom now!” He say in between laughs, and in the blink of an eye the mood turns lighthearted. I don't bother fighting my own laughter as Pidge blushes furiously in embarrassment and tries to deny the motherly accusations being thrown at her.

“Anyways, Call me if you need anything, got it?” Hunk says, once we've all calmed down a bit, his non-injured hand  is resting on the side of the doorframe his body facing us.

Me and Pidge look at each other, with a grin, before we turn back to Hunk and yell a small “Yes, Mom!” at the same time. My words are said with a small, salute, while Pidge’s are uttered with an eye roll, nonetheless both actions are arguably fond. 

Hunk just smiles, his worries and guilt seeming to ease a bit. He turns and I hear, him asking someone where Rachel is, from a distance. 

Pidge must have too, because she yells “In the backyard! Setting up the picnic! Weren't you listening?!” And I hear a very Hunk sounding, “Thanks!” 

I smile, but its gone when I meet Pidges eyes. We look at each other in understanding. The mood serious once more. 

I turn away, walking towards the baking mittens, hung on top of the oven, I put the both of them on, 

“It was a one time thing, he doesn’t need to go back to Mrs. Smith yet, Katie”

I mutter, just loud enough for Pidge to hear, sensing her thoughts and using her real name in a rare act of seriousness between the both of us.

”But he might need to if this is a long term anxiety causing problem”

“I have a feeling it’s not” I say in a particular tone, picking up the platter of cookies from the oven carefully. 

“You think, it’s because of Keith coming?”

Pidge questions, catching on to what I was hinting at quickly, sounding intrigued.

I sigh knowingly, putting the cookies down on the counter carefully.

”I know it is” is all I say and she hums thoughtfully, before adding, 

“You should book an appointment with Dr. Smith for the next week or so”

I don’t bother turning to face her, taking off the baking mittens, “Have a little faith, would you” I say with a sigh

She grunts, ”Oh please, we both know that this shit show is going to end up needing about 4 years of therapy from people way more experienced than Dr. Smith ” she pauses, then continues without a hitch,

“And that in itself is saying a shit ton considering that woman is highly skilled in her work”

she stops before adding “I was just trying to be a little polite, only suggesting a weeks time of professional help”

”I know” is all I respond with.

Its quiet for a moment, but not the uncomfortable kind, just in mutual understanding, I put the cookies in, my sister in law, Lisa’s little leftover goodie bags

she had made them for her kids birthday party last week, she was insistent on having some for Keith and the Blade members, she almost made another two new dozen batches of them, but the rest of the family managed to convince her that the leftover ones would be plenty enough. 

As I finish putting the last of the cookies in the bags, and tying them into pretty little pink bows, I let Pidge know that,

“I already booked 3 weekly appointments with Dr. Smith, for the the next two weeks”

“Well at least your more self aware than, the credit I give you for, but like I said, your gonna need more therapy than that” 

Pidge says and it should sound snarky but it really doesn’t, it’s sounds more fond than anything, and I get the sudden urge to hug the genius of a woman.

Instead I sigh in agreement,  I know that this particular team reunion is gonna be a shit show, as Pidge put it.

Chapter Text

Everything is shit and Keith hasn't even arrived yet.

It's almost 11pm and Keith was supposed to be here at 7pm.

I texted him, many people did, but as expected none of us got any responses.

Hunk, and Pidge went to Pidges house which everyone realized wasn't all that far from ours last Autumn, when we the three of us finally managed to hang out together, after a rough patch between Pidge and Hunk.

I sure was grateful when they made up, but right now I'm feeling a lot less grateful for that considering they left before I could join them, so me and Pidge could sit down and have a conversation with Hunk about his hand or his anxiety, which we decided we would do together. Atleast, Pidge texted me after they left that she was still waiting for me, to start that particular Ted-talk.

And my Mamá, the beautiful stubborn woman that she is, refused to head to bed before seeing Keith but I somehow managed to trick her into heading to bed, being the wonderful son I am. 

Meanwhile Shiro, Adam, Coran, and any other mutual friends who wanted to join in on the surprise welcome back party for Keith got rooms at the closest hotel. Luis and Veronica, the sickeningly in-love  now married (A lot can happen when your a teenager stuck in space fighting a godamn war for years) soulmates, took Luis's old room, Marco slept in his old room, Veronica wanted to room together with Rachel in her room for some sisterly bonding time or whatever, and I would have joined  but the the twins, Nadia, and Silvio are cranky, from staying up so long, insistent on seeing Keith. Though, I did somehow manage to get them to sit down, and watch a few of the "How to train your dragon"movies, so they don't curse me with their chaotic nature. 

So basically, right now it was just me and my two 10 year old, niblings,  sitting in the living room watching how to train your dragon. 

I turn to look at them from where I'm sitting, on the yellow couch. Their leaning against each other sitting on the floor, Nadia is asleep now and drooling onto Silvio's shoulder. Silvio is almost asleep too, but you can tell he's trying super hard trying to not to fall asleep, forcing his eyes open each time they shut from exhaustion.

Eventually he loses the battle to dear old sleep and I grin.

I get up from my place on the couch and take a step towards the twins, so I can pick them up and put them in Rachel's bed instead of the cold hard floor, before I collapse on the ground. 

Fuck.

I'm on my knees, my eyes squeezed shut, my ribs hurting. Godamn it my ribs hurt.

But so does my wrist.

Where my soulmark is.

My wrist is burning, and when I roll my sleeves up, and rip off my black band covering my soulmark, sure enough --my mark, a lion just like the lions of Voltron except purple, is glowing.

And,= I don't bother to look at my ribs and assess the wound as I might have done in other scenarios, I know that this pain -this injury isn't mine.

It's Keith's.  

I stay in that position, on my knees, staring at the purple mark, for much longer than I'd like to admit but finally, I manage to pull myself to my feet.

I get up, and race to the bathroom scrummaging through the bathroom drawers for the med kit. 

I groan, in equal parts pain and in frustration from not finding the kit, before I realize what I told Hunk earlier, and that Hunk was probably the last one to use it. I dash out of the bathroom and around the house trying to remember where I put my damn phone-before I see it on the kitchen counter.

I grab it, hastily and go straight to calling Hunk.

He picks up on the 3rd ring, and that's how I know he was asleep, (I mean it's late, I figured he would be asleep but you never know when Hunk and Pidge are together, I Wouldn't put it past the both of them to be up playing Jenga.) During the war, in space we had to get up immediately when the alarm rang, it was life or death, whether that meant our lives or innocents, and getting up quick, no matter what noise it is, is a habit that we all still often acted on. 

"What's going, bud, are you okay? Is there a figh-" Hunk doesn't get to finish as he gets interrupted

"Do me and Hunk need to come, Lance? Are you in Danger?" Pidge asks in a rush, and I know my call woke her up too.

They both sound insanely concerned and stressed, I can only imagine their expressions. 

"No you guys don't need to come over, there is no fight, I don't think I'm in danger but I will update you if that changes,"  I start, and I can practically see them stiffen at my last answer,

(I know they will be worried still, but not enough to lose sleep, they know I'm not stupid enough to lie about that, they had to learn that the hard way in space, we all did.) but I continue "It's my soulmark, I can't explain right now, but Hunk, where is the med kit?" I ask, and I know they're a bit more worried now but nonetheless respond

"It's in your room-" Pidge starts but this time Hunk is the one interrupting "-On the table" he finishes and in my head I bless my friends, and their trust in me.

"Okay, thanks guys! don't worry, get sleep, I will notify you guys if something happens and I promise I will explain later!" I rush before I end the call not waiting for their responses.

Phone still in hand, I jog to my room grab the kit, and out the front door.

I place the kit, beside the chair, and I take a seat.

I call Keith, my leg bouncing, he doesn't pick up.

I call again, my leg still bouncing, he doesn't pick up.

This repeats 11 more times, my poor leg not catching a break at all during this time period before I text Keith instead.

A lot.

I text him a lot of times.

He doesn't respond.

I wait, my leg still bouncing, its fine I tell myself, Keith is alive you can still feel his pain Lance, it's muted but I can still feel it, but that's good, its good that it's muted, meaning Keith is focused enough to mute it. He's okay enough to have the mental capacity to block his pain for me. From me, not for, from. I correct my thoughts immediately.

"It's not like how it used to be Lance, it'd be better for the both of us if you dropped the facade and remembered that. Acknowledging that, even better"

Is what my dear soulmate, Keith Kogane, said, said the last time we saw each other at a team reunion.

In front of everyone.

You get your soulmark when you're eighteen. Keith being a year older was already eighteen and already got our mark while I didn't, hence why we didn't know we were soulmates when we were dating, not that anyone even knew we dated, the rest of the team only found out after, when we got to earth.

When Keith left for the blades  for the second time, we broke up, and then there was me and Allura...

Anyways point is, the only reason that I acted that close with Keith is because that was only the third time we saw each other after an injury which revealed we were soulmates, and at that point no one else knew, so fuck me if I wasn't expecting Keith to randomly reveal that we were soulmates to the rest of the team at that reunion and if him doing so made it feel like we were, in years, on the same team again.

So I acted kinda like I used to before, when we were, dare I say it, close friends, (Sorry not sorry, the title of best friend, always belongs to Hunk) 

And not only did the prick humiliate me soon after I started acting nicer and say that in front of everyone but he also revealed something by himself, something that both of us should've  gotten a choice in whether we wanted to reveal or not.

He did apologize before he left and we did awkwardly shake hands but it did not make it the least bit better, and that's being said by a more mature and emotionally understanding Lance Mcclain-

The sound of a bike cuts my train of thought short.

It gets closer and closer, until I can see it and it actually pulls up into our driveway.

I stand, squinting my eyes at the frame of a person getting off their bike.

My hands hovering over my hip, reaching for a bayard that isn't there any more, and hasn't been there in a while.

Shit, I think at the realization that I'm weaponless, a disadvantage but I can manage if I need to, I don't think I will though.

My ribs ache a bit, and the pain isn't as muted but it still does the job.

"Who are you?" I ask,  stepping closer, but I think I know.

They come a bit closer, into the light and I can make them out better. 

Bingo. I was right. It's--

Keith.

But just to be sure, because I can't completely see him, I say

"Fashionably late is actually considered out of fashion, nowadays"

It's quiet for a moment, my soulmark humming, ribs aching, stress growing- before I hear it.

A scoff.

Yep. 

That's Keith fucking Kogane, alright. 

Chapter Text

"Come on, Samurai, sit down"

I say with a sigh, my hand on my hip, my tiredness becoming clearer to me and probably anyone with a decent set of eyes.

As Keith, walks closer, and up the stairs, I can't help but eye him, for any more injuries that he might have blocked me from feeling. I don't see any obvious ones except for a small gash on his cheek but before I can comment on that I flinch at the pain in my ribs, though, I can tell I'm still not feeling the full length of it. 

Keith notices my flinching, as he carefully sits down on the chair across from mine, he's probably trying not to jostle the wound.

He watches me closely, but then a noise in the garden catches his attention.

Not fair. Keith and his damn awesome Galran hearing.

I glance at the bush too, my eyes narrowing before I sit down as well, picking up the med kit, and scooching my chair closer.

Keith still isn't looking at me, his eyes still focused on the the bush.

"Take off you're shirt"

Keith whips his head around to look at me, "Excuse me?" he squeaks, shocked. And I know exactly where the Bastards mind heading.

This son of a bit    

I shoot him a dirty look instead, "I said, take off your shirt, you don't want that wound on your rib to get infected or something, would you?" I bite, because it's really not a question.

Though, as I open the kit, and already start getting some antiseptic out, I can't help but glance at Keith to see he's still watching me, I quickly look back down. Feeling just as suffocated and frustrated as I normally would around Keith.

And I don't think the knowledge that this suffocating feeling is something others also get around Keith, is comforting me. Because, I also share the knowledge that the reason they feel that way is often because  of how quiet and tense and overall awkward he is, and that, that is not the reason I get feel it. No. I got used to that after the first few months in space, the reason I feel like this is because I'm also used to how comfortable and cute and sweet he was around me. Of our past.

After that litter inner spiral I make a point to ignore my thoughts while I look through the kit, feeling quite pressured from being stared down,.

"You felt it?", Keith whispers sounding pained, and I find the medical tape that I was looking for.  I don't meet his eyes as I clear my throat, "Yeah, I did, now take your shirt off" is all I respond with, as I place the antiseptic on the coffee table.

Keith doesn't move and I meet his eyes.

No one moves.

"I'm sorry" he says after a moment.

I stand up, my chair scraping against the old wooden floor boards, I step around Keith, completely ignoring his words, and I pause before walk through the front door,  my hand resting on the door frame, I tilt my head back slightly to meet Keith's now, kinda panicking expression. 

His jaw is set in a rigid line and his fists clenched.

You wouldn't be able to tell that he was slightly panicking if you didn't know him well-- I force myself to cut off that thought process before it even develops into a full sentence.

"When I come back out here, that shirt better be off, Kogane" I bite out, my eyes narrowing, and it would be considered a threat even by the standards of Voltron.

I walk through the door not waiting to see his response, and head to the kitchen.

I open the fridge grabbing two cold plastic water bottles, and tuck them both under my left arm.

I grab the platter on the counter, with the two hot dogs and three big homemade chocolate chip cookies, with plastic wrap covering the plate.

I then rush around the house, and find the small yet wide bucket I was looking for, along with a couple of small towels. 

I fill the bucket up with warm water, everything that I grabbed prior to filling the bucket up on the counter. The bucket, joins the rest of the items once I fill it up.

I put the towels over my shoulder, tuck the water bottles into the side of my armpit, grab the plate with my left hand (the shoulder that the towels are resting on) and the bucket with my right, walking carefully to make sure I don't drop the water bottles.

I make it to the front door when I drop a water bottle, but I keep walking, Keith stands when he sees me, and I glare, making him sit right back down.

At least he's shirtless now... wait that sounded wrong-- uh nevermind.

I place everything on the little coffee table, on the front porch, then take a seat in my chair, scooching it closer to Keith's, as I say "Eat something."

I get one of the towels and dip it into the bucket, as Keith slowly unwraps the plastic wrap off the plate, and takes a bit of the cookie. 

I focus on cleaning his wound first, so as to prevent an infection. 

“This is good” Keith hums

”Thanks, I made it" I reply dryly.

”I didn’t know that you picked up baking” Keith says with a frown.

I scoff, “You don’t— I  immediately stop as my mouth catches up with my brain.

I try to brush it off, “I picked up a few new hobbies is all” I say with a shrug.

I put the towel on the coffee table, and pick up the antiseptic, I take the moment to glance at Keith expression, his face is rigid, his jaw drawn tight one more, and expression unreadable but very tense.

And he’s staring at my face.

Shit. 

I drop the antiseptic, slightly startled. 

It rolls to Keith’s feet, and he moves a bit to pick it up, my rib is flaming and I yelp in pain, as Keith hisses in pain at the same time.

We freeze.

Welp. So much for trying to ignore the fact that your ex is your soulmate for the past few years, along with every chance  we possibly could. And suddenly I'm angry. I'm so angry. At Keith, and what he's been doing, what he's not been doing, how he can't listen, how he refuses to listen, and I snap.

“You idiot. This is why I told you not to move, get it now or is your brain as slow as your heart?!”

I snap, harsher than I meant, Keith scoffs and I can tell he’s starting to get upset. 

“You never told me not to move, though” is Keith’s only response at the moment.

”I gestured multiple times for you to sit, and if I’m cleaning your wounds and bandaging you up, and gesturing for you to sit, why would you suddenly move after I quite literally showed you that I don’t need your help!” 
I huff out in frustration, my voice raising a bit in volume as well.

”Okay, but you never told me with your, you know, words, oh wait you don’t! You never did, did you, McClain?” Keith yells standing and his not yet patched up injured wound stings and burn at the movement and I can see him wince, as I flinch at the shared pain. 

”No! I didn’t, but I thought you said that you learnt better through actions and experience rather than words, I thought you had said that words aren’t very meaningfully, Kogane?!?” I scream back, now standing as well, to match his height, but now, as adults, Keith is taller by a bit.

“Yes, but it would have been nice to know that through words as well!!!” Keith screams right back.

”Why?! Words don’t mean dogshit to you, you never listen to words?!??!?” I continue, now screaming the long held back questions, in the heat of the moment.

“Because you care about words, Lance!!! And telling me would have been showing me that you care!!!!!!” 

Keith says his eyes welling up with tears of frustration.

“And you care about actions, Keith!!!”

Keith bitterly laughs, and it’s almost mocking before he says

“Oh, and when have you ever cared about what I think?!”

I wanna laugh at the irony. instead I say “When, WHEN?! Keith, are you hearing yourself right now?!? I have always cared about what you think!!!!”

Keith outright laughs at that,

”oh like when we were rivals- 

I cut Him off, right then and there

”When we were dating, Kogane!!”

I yell frustrated. 

Keith look like he wants to downright strangle me at this point, “Oh and like the title of ‘dating’ mattered SooOoooO much!! What fucking difference does it make!!!”

I’m fuming now, “A lot considering I’m in love with you!!—- was!”

I startle and Keith looks equally shocked. 
It’s incredibly quiet considering we were screaming before.

And it’s incredibly tense.

I swallow.

“Was. I was in-love with you, that’s the difference. Because when you’re in-love with someone you care.”

I say, my eyes on the ground.

we’re both huffing and panting, both of us standing now, and both refusing to back down.

My eyes are full as well I realize, as a tear drop, splatters on the ground. 

I’m about to continue after another moment as I see Nadia and Silvio looking at us peering over the side of the doorframe.

We must have woken them up with all the yelling.

I sigh, quickly wiping away my tears and start walking towards them, brushing past Keith, in the process, but careful not to touch him so as to not aggravate his injuries any further. 

Keith grabs my wrist, and I freeze, whipping my head back to look at him. 

“Don’t walk away now, McClain, don’t be a coward.” Keith’s says harshly, voice bitter, but there’s something underneath that, it’s almost pleading.

I scoff at the pure irony of that sentence. “Says you,” I start, before Keith’s grip tightens and it hurts. A lot. I wince and Keith flinch’s away at the shared pain, and as soon as he lets go, I can't help but hug my wrist into my chest.

We stare at each other, and I continue, ignoring the sting in my wrist, and muted burning in my ribs, “And I’m not running away, Nadia and Silvio,” I say turning whipping my head around to look at the two, who are watching the whole thing with great interest, “apparently woke up-“ I get interrupted before I can finish 

“It’s not our fault!” Nadia starts whining 

“Yea! You guys were so loud, I don't know how no one else woke up!!” Silvio adds, arms crossed and now pouting, defending his sister 

I turn to look at Keith, my arms crossed as well now, with a ‘told you so’ expression 

Keith looks baffled at the turn of events and mutters a small “oh”

Nadia breaks out into a grin “You know we stayed up allll this time to see you, Uncle Keith!!” She says, full of excitement

”She’s right! Everyone else went to bed, only the two of us and uncle Lance stayed up waiting for you!!!” Silvio says with a smirk

Keith looks over at me, I shrug, “They wanted to see you, and someone had to watch them,” I start pausing to glance at Silvio yawning and Nadia rubbing her eyes “They both fell asleep in the living room while waiting though” 

At my words Keith looks at the exhausted twins.

”Now as I was saying, time for bed you two, come on let’s go” 

I say picking up the both of them Silvio, resting on my right arm, and Nadia on left. A sudden pain jolts through my right hand, my wrist aching, and I almost drop Silvio right then and there, but manage to disguise it as if it was done on purpose.

Silvio simply laughs unknowingly, but Keith hurries over, our ribs burning in agony at the movement, and holds his hand out for Silvio, and before I could even protest, Silvio goes to Keith, and Keith effortlessly picks him up, despite his injuries, and rests his on his left arm.

I stare at the two of them, and Keith’s eyes flick down to my worst knowingly guilty. 

Good. it was his fault anyways, fucking prick. 

I wordlessly adjust Nadia who’s almost asleep, and turn around and into the house, Keith following right behind me.

We walk to Rachel’s room silently so as to not wake anyone else, and I carefully set, the now sleeping Nadia on the bed, and Keith does the same with Silvio.

They’re both asleep by the time I manage to tuck them both in properly, and I can’t help but lean down and give the two of them a quick peck on the cheek and forehead.

I get up and bump into Keith's chest, and he catches me before I can fall, I stumble away from him so quick that we barley touched I pointedly ignore how Keith was watching me do that and making no effort to do the same.

Yet I find, I have a much harder time ignoring the way he's looking at me right now. 
I can't explain it, and I find myself looking away, because I don't want to explain it.

Not anymore.

After a moment he turns around wordlessly and quietly makes his way back downstairs, I follow his lead.

Once we’re both outside on the front porch and away from the twins room, I turn around to face Keith once more, “Sorry, about that, I forgot you were still there” I mutter 

and Keith nods

It’s quiet and oh so very tense for another minute as I gather my thoughts.

”About before—“ Keith starts and I don’t let him finish 

”Maybe the problem was that we both cared too much. We cared too much, and-“ my voice cracks a bit and I try to take a deep breath but it doesn’t seem to do much “And that was what broke us, because we cared so much, about each other and everything in between that we refused to care about ourselves.”

I mutter quickly. Eager to get the words out, for whatever this to be over I think but even now, meeting Keith’s eyes to find he’s crying, I know that isn't true no matter how much I desperately wish it was.

God. 

It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen Keith cry, is all I can think, and I find that the thought itself is bittersweet.

jeez, 

I need to care a fuck of a lot less. 

Chapter Text

Once Keith stops crying, he sits down and I can stop awkwardly standing and pretending like I know what the fuck to do, and sit down as well.

I finally patch up his rib wound, and I feel immediate relief from Keith. 

Quite literally, considering we’re soulmates and I can feel his pain, and occasionally his emotions as well, when their overflowing/excessive.

I meet his eyes and take notice of the forgotten gash on his cheek, that started bleeding once more. 

I grab a towel with one hand and his jaw with the other, bringing his face closer to get a better look at the gash as I careful clean it. 

I then put the towel back in the bucket and grab the antiseptic and slather a little on the wound. 

I put a ‘Bluey’ bandaid, which has ‘Muffin’ all over it, (come on you can’t blame a guy, I mean, who doesn’t love Muffin?) when I’m done. 

I lean back away from Keith’s face, after realizing how close we were, and I stand to take a good look at my work.

“There. You’re all done” I say, and automatically hold Keith’s head and lean in to place a chaste kiss on his forehead before my brain catches up and I stumble away at the last moment.

My face is burning and Keith’s jaw is on the ground.

Oh My Fucking God.

“I-I’m so sorry,” I start my hands held up in defence, and face burning, I take note of the fact that Keith’s face also has a hint of pink as well, (Bud still in shock though) “I did not mean to do that, it was just a force of habit, I swear, like I’m so sorry-“ I continue rambling for a good while before Keith finally interrupts me 

“A force of habit? Really, I didn’t know that you were kissing other people boo-boos as well”

Keith says mockingly seeming to sober up at my words pretty quickly, I meet his eyes in confusion and then offended when I realize the misunderstanding.

“No I meant-“ but the guy, as usual, doesn’t let me fucking speak. ”Oh no, I know what you meant.” Keith interrupts and I sigh in exasperation. 

Keith is now standing again, looking pretty hurt and quite angry, and I can’t help but blush a bit at the reason why. 
He’s jealous. I don’t bother thinking too much into why he might be jealous, I simply ignore it, and hope that my darker skin tone hides my slight blush.

“No Mullet-for brains, you don’t, I was talking about my niblings, you know, my niece and nephew who are, you know, children” I start, with a eye roll, “So yea, Kogane, I do, in fact "kiss other people’s boo-boo’s as well” I  mock.

When I glance at Keith’s expression I’m completely shocked to see his pale hurt jealous looking expression going blank and then completely red from embarrassment.

How cute, I think and I really do try but can’t help laughing at how red he suddenly is. 

I double over in a full body laugh. Because of how so very Keith his initial reaction was.

When, suddenly I feel an overwhelming feeling of fondness that’s, two things, almost-love, and not mine.

I freeze, because what?…

I stand up straighter, now staring at Keith and feeling a whirlwind of emotions, that, at this point I can say that are so overwhelming that Keith is for sure feeling them.

Keith looks concerned and quite confused before his face twists in understanding. 

I look away from Keith’s face, choosing to sit down and stare at the very interesting floor boards instead. 

The thing is, there are different kinds of soulmates out there, but everyone has a soulmate, Everyone. like. everyone in the godamn universe. For certain people like, Pidge, these soulmates don’t have to be romantic but that’s very, very rare and often times forced.

Anyways since everyone has a soulmate, that means that no matter what kind of soulmate bond you have, you have a soulmate mark, otherwise known as a soulmark. A soulmark can be located anywhere on one’s body (making it awfully awkward at times.) Soulmates can even have different marks. The marks don’t always have to be the same, though that is most common, they just have to connect. 

Mine and Keith’s soulmate bond works in the way that we both have a Purple lion for our soulmate mark, both of ours located on our wrist, mine on my right wrist and Keith’s on his left wrist. (We careful avoid talking about our marks.)

We can feel each other’s pain always, and the others emotions when it’s overwhelming, it took a while.  At first we weren’t able to tell the emotion thing, as it was harder to do. We still can’t tell if it’s our own emtions or the others, sometimes. And we can never tell if the other can feel our emtions.
The only way we know is from their reactions or if it’s just that overwhelming that you can automatically assume.

Which is why Kieth didn’t understand at first, but I’m pretty sure my reaction and my own emotions gave it away, I glance back up at Keith and, yepppp, he’s got it.

Keith sigh’s sitting back down as well.

it’s really awkward and quiet, again.

I wanna crawl into a whole and die I think. In fact at some point, I’m pretty sure I started praying to Zeus to strike me down, not that I believe in the Greek gods or anything but simply because I would rather take my chances than continue with this awkward silence anymore.

I glance at Keith, again, trying to gauge how he’s feeling about this whole thing.

Keith runs his hand over his face. 

Keith meets my eyes, now staring at me.

… Five minutes later he’s still staring and I’m about to crack a joke when he says

“what’s going on, Lance?

I crack a grin, probably a very sad looking one at that too. I also seemingly couldn't help but start rubbing the back of my neck and staring down the very interesting floor boards, once again.

“I mean, I guess what’s going on is that we’re Soulmates, with serious issues” I try joking but

Keith snaps, “I mean with you! What's going on with you?”

I meet his eyes, not expecting his sudden outburst, “What do you mean?”

Keith huffs, “You know what I mean! I know you. I know you better than anyone! This isn't you!”

I can’t help but mutter an small “I don't know..”

“What are you doing? Staying on this farm? Cutting off contact? No piloting, GOD — why did you quit being a pilot?!” Keith yells, throughly frustrated now—standing again,

And I don’t exactly feel a whole lot comfortable with the way he’s towering over me or the way this conversation is going so I stand up as well racking my brain on how to stop this godamn nightmare 

Keith must have noticed my panicking because after a moment he calms down a bit, stepping into my personal space now, he puts his hands on my shoulders, and I find that despite everything, his hands seem to be acting as an anchor for me.

I can’t help myself, I put my hands over Keith’s and drop my head on his left shoulder, stepping a tad bit closer to do so. 

“To get away” I finally mutter closing my eyes

“To get away from what?” Keith asks, and when I look up at him, his face is twisted, trying to understand my words 

I swallow the first words that come to mouth, and take a moment to gather my thoughts. 

After a moment I let go of Keith’s hands and step away, putting some space between us.

I meet Keith’s eyes, mine flicking between his, searching for something,

And, in the end, I find I don't discover the something I was searching for.

“To get away from you, Kogane”

Chapter Text

And as soon as the fuckass words leave my mouth, Keith's face does something horrid.

It puts up this wall.

This undreadble, oh so familliar look that makes me want to rip out my very emotions, themselves in all their glory, and shove em so far up my ass, that the only thing I would ever be able to feel again, is an orgasm. 

Which of course would be much better than the burning pain I feel,  at that paticular expression on my exes face.

“Jeez, Lance way to make it an easy landing, eh?” 

He tries to joke, but it lands flat, ironically enough.

My left hand is on my hip and my right comes up to massage the bridge of my nose once again. 

Man Pidge might’ve just been right, with all those mom jokes maybe I really am turning into a parent.

Except the only thing I’m really parenting is my urge to punch my face, repeatedly enough, so I can never open my mouth to utter such blatant idiocy ever fucking again.  

“No, Keith, that   That came out wrong, man, it’s just with everything that’s happening with us,” and I see him visibly flinch at that one. Nice fucking going Lance.

“Happened. I meant happened, not happening because— my point is, Keith, with everything that went to down it was better for everyone if we weren’t around eachother again, okay? We all know you needed that and god knows I did too” I say trying to make him understand.

Keith is still stiff but he smiles. But it’s too tight around the edges too polite and formal. Too — “It’s fine,” he starts and I almost sigh in relief but he’s not done. “Y’know at least it’s better than what I though you were going to say, because for a minute, there, I thought you were going to say it was because of Allura” — Mocking. 

His smile was too mocking is what I was going to say. 

Looks like I didn’t need too, since his words did a fine job at doing that for me. Because,

“What. The. Actual. Fuck. Kogane.”

His smile grows more unsure  and I find my hands are clenched and visabky shaking at my sides.

He looks like he’s going to apologize, seems like he regrets the words as soon as he says it. 
But what do I care, at this point, I just need someone to be angry at.

I’m too far gone in one too many ways already. 

He opens his mouth to speak but I don’t let him. 

“That was a low blow, even for you” I say with so much venom  it surprises even me and judging by Keith’s reaction I wasn’t the only one caught off guard. 

Keith quickly gets over his mild shock at my tone and rises to the bait. 

“Yeah, right, sorry, bringing the dead girl up won’t do anyone justice now, would it?” 

Now… I’d always liked to think of myself as the level headed one compared to Keith, especially now. The only thing I would say is actually contradicting that point of mine, is how quickly my fists met his face as soon as I processed the fact that he had just insulted someone who was very dear to the both of us. 

And because of that fact, I ignored the sudden pain that jolted through my cheek. The pain that I felt just as much as Keith did as soon as my fist met his face, because of that fact I also drew my hand back long enough to watch as Keith’s  head snapped back to meet my eyes, long enough for our eyes to lock, long enough for Keith to open his mouth to speak, maybe even apologize, but not any longer. My hand, my fist, curled into a bloody ball again  as my knuckles kissed Keith’s cheek once more. 

I almost yelp at the sheer pain of being soulmates with this fucking idiot, instead I stumble back away, panting, and onto the window sill, which I start heavily leaning on and using as a source of support. 

I look up at the ceiling, not wanting to meet Keith’s eyes or even see his expression right now, I find that the old blue paint is heavily chipped in little areas on the ceiling. It’s painted over with large smudges of a vintage red paint. 

I close my eyes for a moment and remember the ceiling in the porch of my own house. 

The main reason I even bought it last summer, was to be closer to this house, to be closer to Mami.

She's also the reason why my porch ceiling is painted this exact vintage red. 

It even has smudges of this exact old blue paint decorating the spots the vintage red failed to fully cover. 
 
I find that these thoughts are a distraction from the eyes the I feel bear into me.

From the pain in my right cheek, a pain that isn’t actually mine, despite how clearly I feel it.

From how my eyes get ever so slightly wetter than their supposed to be and how dry my mouth is right now. 
 

My ribs tingle and I am suddenly reminded of the injures I patched up for Mullet- for brains, only an hour or so ago. 

Well, braid now, it used to be ponytail before that. Point is, I can’t really call him mullet, or mullet for brains or anything since he doesn’t actually have a mullet anymore, and I find that fact keeps me from opening my eyes and telling him to sit down and do everything I know I should do for a minute longer. 

I sigh and open my eyes, finally looking down, away from the paint smudges and up at Keith’s face.

He’s staring at me, his hand on his cheek, with shock and a muted expression of anger but also a frustrated, guilty sort of understanding. 

But my eyes zero in on his hair. 
His hair is worn in a neat long braid over his left shoulder. 

My eyes brim with tears once more and I furiously blink them away.

Keith scoffs, “Seriously, you’re the one crying, after punching me in the face, not once but twice?!” He exclaims with a huff. 

God help me

I think as the tears come back, welling quicker and falling faster, I look back at the ceiling hoping that stops em but that does nothing. 

Shit.

I close my eyes for a sec, once more, before looking back at Kieth as the tears final lay make their way down my cheeks

”I miss your Mullet, mullet-head” 

I squeak out and it’s stupid and petty, and I know we have bigger problems to address, to figure out. To heal. 

But I also notice the way Keith’s eyes soften in understanding. 

It’s like all the anger slips away from him right then and there, replaced by Keith, and when say Keith, I mean the old Keith, My Keith.

It’s unbearable quiet for a moment as I wipe my tears away with my sleeve, before he says it, 

“Do    Do you want me to cut it, my hair I mean, so it’s a—uh mullet again?”

I freeze. 

And whip my head so fast to look at Keith. 
He’s stiff waiting for my answer but stubborn as always.

But then I really look at Keith.
At who he is now and I find I don’t truly hate or dislike or want to change anything about this person. I just want this person to be my person again. To have my Keith back. 

But I know I can’t. Having my Keith back would mean that this Keith would have to be torn down and destroyed and even then I wouldn’t have my Kieth back. Just like, Keith can’t ever truly have his Lance back. 

Not that he’d want he'd even want that, I think ignorantly. 

After all ignore is bliss.

So I ignore. 

I ignore his question, and circle back to the argument at hand. 

“My first punch was for me, it was for how hurt I was when you insulted someone I cared about, My second punch was for you. For insulting someone you care about.”

I feel a sharp hurt and an anger so deep that I know isn’t mine and I know it’s Keith’s. I also know that he wants me to feel them right now. 

“ I-you never answered my question” 

Keith decides after a moment. 
He’s glaring, and so am I. 

“You never apologized.” 

I counter back and the tension is killing me but I hold his gaze. 

It’s cold outside, Keith’s wounds must hurt, I can feel a few are being muted for— from me.

My shoulders sink in defeat, that’s it. I’m done, fuck this.

”You can sleep in my room, I’m going to bed.” I say before abruptly rushing inside the house. 

I don't wanna see Keith's expression.

Chapter Text

I dream of her, again.

I mean it’s not like I was expecting anything else, I always dream her and her papa.

Especially when I’m around him. 

That’s right, isn’t it?

Lance was supposed to be her Papa. 

She was supposed to have dark curly Brown hair, tan skin, and a wonderful mix of the beautiful-est purpleish, blue eyes, a mix of mine and Lance’s.

Our child.

Sienna…

I clench my jaw, as I sit upright on the bed haunted by the mere thought of what almost -fucking-was.

I was so sure, it would happen no matter what, that I- we would get our beautiful baby girl, that me and him would have that life, that no matter what happened, that no matter how I fucked up, it would be okay in the end, because at least I had them.

 I was so sure.

I mean, how could I not have been? I saw that very future right before my very fucking eyes.

I saw Sienna, I heard her, her first day of kindy, of highschool, of college, her engagment, her graduation.

I saw me and Lance get married..

I saw a certain future, in the space whale, and— and I, see, that’s where I fucked up, where I backed away and said, wait a fucking minute, where I acted scared…

And I was

I was scared of loosing all that freedom I had, of being held back by Lance, our child, and our life

He was already my soulmate and that in itself came with a set of rules and restrictions, and on top of that we were dating, but marriage? A child?

Soulmates were already bound together by the universe, even if you hate eachother, got married to other people, or one died, you were forever cursed to be reminded of them, run into them, have them haunt you in memory, but I was seeing a even more certain future, right before my very eyes so fuck it, if I got scared, okay?!

But then, after we fell apart and grew up, she wouldn’t leave my head.

Sienna, our wonderful child, wouldn’t leave my head. 

Sienna, would’ve been cute

She…

Would look just like him.

With a temper like him.

(Run around like me.)

Jumping in the pool, like him

Sang to all your pets, in the way he did

Be sensitive like Him.

She was like the mini, female version of the man I loved, how could I not love her as well?

Because, yeah, I was scared sure, but I was also sure that once I wasn’t, she would always get to exist.

We would always get to exist.

Fuck that wasn’t even a question for me, that was a fucking given, back then.

So imagine my shock, when I found out, in the middle of one of our reunions, from Coran, that what I saw could have just been a future from a different dimension.

That, that future, that certainty that I would have Lance, that I would have Sienna, that I would have them, that life, that family, that happiness, wasn’t guaranteed in the middle of me and Lance getting back together.

I found that out in the middle of working things out with Lance, in the middle of being more and more sure that we could've done it earlier, been together earlier if it  wasn't for the intergalactic war, that we got dragged into as inexperienced, mentally unwell teenagers.

I was scared, sure but I had certainty.

Certainty that made me crawl back to Lance, my soulmate, the love of my life.

Certainty that got ripped out from right under me, once again.

So, I did what I did best. 
I ran.

Now though, I wonder if that’s where Sienna might’ve gotten her speed from.

She was fast, I know she was, because I saw her get a full ride scholarship for it in highschool.

It's weird for me to think about how she would’ve started her first week of Kindy next Thursday…

But I—I, Fuck, I got scared.

I run my hand through my hair, debating just leaving again, I think bitterly, my nails drawing blood, as they dig into my palm

Fuck.

Lance, must’ve felt that, fuck, he definitely did.

I forgot to mute it for him, does he feel everything I do right now? Is he asleep?

I freeze at the thought of Lance feeling everything I do now and not even knowing why..

Lance knows me, he knows me so well that after everything that happened today, if he felt me feeling all these emotions right now he would immediately know why, that is…

If he knew about Sienna

I feel like I’m suffocating, knowing that the one person who’s always understood (right after Shiro) my emotions, and me, even when I didn’t, doesn’t anymore.

That he doesn’t know Sienna, the child that helped shaped so much of who I am, today, despite not actually existing.

That he doesn’t even know who she is, when she’s his child.

Maybe more his, than she ever will be mine, she grew up to be more and more like him, anyways. That’s probably why I care about her as much as I do.

I wonder if Lance would’ve obsessed over every way she was like me, the same way I am right now. 

He would’ve wanted the chance to, I bet.

A chance I didn't give him.

Fuck.

He still doesn't know why I left, does he?

Knowing Lance, he... He must think its his fault..

That he did something.

My throat goes dry at that.

I reach over, to Lances bed side table and grab the plastic water bottle.

Its empty, shit.

I get up with a scoff, making my way over to the kitchen.

When I here a sound, as I pass by the dark living room.

I freeze.

I here another sound, a groan, and I let my hands hover over my hips, where my mothers blades held, I slowly draw it as I approach the living room light.

A soft thump, and I switch it on, in a hurry, holding my knife out as towards the threat, but its not a threat at all.

It's Lance.

Lance who's staring up at me, upside down from the ground, where his upper back, and shoulders are on the ground and his legs are on the couch, along with his lower back, as  he struggles against the Elsa blanket wrapped tightly around him. 

"What are you doing?" I blurt, without thinking, luckily that's Lance's speciality because the moron, blurts right back,?

"Your mom", at me.

I make a face.

He groans, and runs his hands over his face as he stops struggling, letting the rest of his body slide to the floor, so hes laying completely on his back, on the carpeted floor.

I stare at him.

He opens his eyes, peeking through his hands, staring right back at me.

"Jesus, Keith, put your fucking knife away already, man"

He says as he rolls his eyes, and pushes himself up with those lean muscular arms, so he's sitting upright, and     wait.

Did he seriously just call me man?

That, pisses me off, and I wanna say I don't know why now, its pissing me off considering that, knowing Lance, he's probably already called me man, dude or bro, like fifteen different times tonight but I do know.

I know it's because I got reminded of Sienna and everything and,

"Don't call me man, when I've been inside you, Lance," 

Don't call me that when we're soul bound, destined to be together in every single fucking universe (whether we stay that way or its brief and haunting)  when we got married, had a kid, a life, a future together, when I saw us having that, okay?      

He whips his head around at me so fast, I'm surprised my soulmate didn't get whiplash and I'm about to comment on that when I notice his face is red.

It"s really, really red.

He looks really cute, too, I think affectionately as the tension leaves my body.

"you   shut the fuck up, kogane" He squeaks out, defensive and red, and adorable (still fucking annoying too) and I can't help the laugh that pours out of me.

I wonder if Sienna's laugh was more like Lance's or mine, after she grew up?