Work Text:
Sometimes, Len feels so angry he scares himself. His rage is blinding cold, it makes him want to destroy the world painfully and give back all the suffering he had to go through.
He hates this feeling.
It makes him terrified of becoming like his father.
Lisa knows, she understands, she feels the same too.
She wants him, she wants them to get better.
“I have an appointment with a therapist,” she says one day. “I'm not forcing you to go, but think about it.”
Len sees her get better after that. It takes time but she's happier, stronger. She smiles more, she has less nightmares.
So, he wonders, should he go as well?
Maybe it's time he gets his closure.
For that, he would have to accept that he needs help.
One night, the rage is so strong it's chocking him. He feels like he would swallow the world, digest it and spite it.
His skin itches. He wants to punch something, but he refuses to succumb to the violence.
He will not be his father.
He has to do something else, so he goes on the internet to focus his mind on anything other than his feelings. Ignore them, hope they will go away.
(They won't.)
Talk To A Stranger.
Is this providence?
The ad is for an app.
You can't bring yourself to open up to someone you trust? You're afraid their opinion of you will change? What about telling everything to someone you have never met? Talk to a stranger, they won't judge you, and if they do, it doesn't matter.
Could this be a solution?
He wants to try. So he does.
The principle is simple. Send a message to no one in particular. Everyone can read it, everyone can talk to you.
You remain anonymous the whole time.
I'm so full of rage, I'm afraid I'll become like my father.
Len types and types. It feels already better writing these things he has never told anyone, not even Lisa.
He is never expecting someone to answer him.
I read something once, it's from Greek philosophy I believe. “Be a better man than your father.” I think you already are.
What makes you think that?
You don't want to be like him. You want to be better, that makes you better than him already.
Len does not know anything about this person, neither their name or their age, but they talk. They talk for days on end.
Sometimes they tell each other deep dark secrets.
My fiancée was killed in front of me. I couldn't do anything. I wake myself screaming now.
Most often they tell each other little things.
I just don't get why they have to put kale everywhere.
Weeks into their unusual and tentative friendship, Len has learned lots of informations about Raymond.
(He enjoys the way the name rolls on his tongue.)
Raymond likes pineapple on pizza. He is scared of grasshoppers but does not mind spiders. He is a scientist and a business man. He hates himself. He speaks four languages. He is a nerd.
“You're smiling a lot more recently. Any reason?” Mick asks around a beer.
“Yes.”
“Gonna talk about it?”
“Not yet.”
Mick does not push. Len is thankful for that.
Then, one day, the dreadful question Len has been worried about.
What if we met for real?
He does not answer for three days.
I'm sorry, Len. I shouldn't have asked. I hope it doesn't change anything for us.
“Us”.
Yes, there is a “them”. They know so much about one another, every fear, every hope, every doubt.
They send each other a good morning message when they wake up, and a goodnight one when they go to sleep.
It's the most serious relationship Len has ever had and he is completely afraid he will fuck it up.
“Lisa, I need your help.”
His sister is over at his place in less than twenty minutes. What did he do to deserve her?
So, he tells her everything. Raymond, their conversations, his fears.
“Leonard, text him right now, tell him everything you just told me. He will understand, I'm sure. Just don't let this go. Len, you deserve to be happy. You've done so much for me, do something for yourself for once in your life.”
I'm sorry. I was afraid you wouldn't like me when I'm not behind a screen.
Nonsense. I could never not like you.
It turns out that Raymond lives in Starling City.
During the whole drive there, Len is tempted to go back to Central City, some part of him – the one that is afraid, the one that is angry – is telling him to go back, that there can be no coming back after this.
But it's already too late. Raymond changed him too much.
Len is not surprised that Raymond is taller than him, he has always imagined him bigger than life itself. He is not surprised either by his attractiveness, but he can't take his eyes off him, memorizing each details.
Raymond is warm where Len is cold, he is soft where he is hard, he is calm where he is rage.
They fall together like pieces of a puzzle.
They shouldn't make sense together, but they do.