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Dazai entered the Armed Detective Agency like he always did, like he’d been summoned from another dimension just to cause a problem.
His coat caught the wind behind him and there was a wilted dandelion in his hair.
“Good morning, my beautiful co-workers!” he sang, spinning once on the threshold like a stage actor arriving late for his cue. “Did anyone miss me?”
Kunikida looked up from his monitor and immediately looked back down. “No, you’re fifty minutes late.”
"Sometimes I wish it'd be longer.." Tanizaki sighed.
“Ah, but time-” Dazai said, stepping carefully over Kenji’s backpack and nearly into Tanizaki’s tea. “-is a human construct.”
Kunikida snapped his planner shut with enough force to echo.
Ranpo chimed in “Your mom is a human construct.”
That got a snort out of Atsushi and Ranpo turned to cringe, concerned about how Atsushi genuinely found that funny.
Dazai breezed past them all and flopped into his chair like he’d been on his feet for three days straight. He swiveled once and when the momentum slowed . His head tilted back against the top of the seat like gravity was asking too much.
From the couch, he paused mid-lollipop twist and watched Dazai over the crinkling of the wrapper.
Kunikida tossed a thin folder at him. “Read this and tell me if it’s worth elevating to a field case.”
Dazai blinked at it, slowly lifted it, turned it upside down, then right side up again, then let it fall back to the desk with a shrug. “Ehhhhh...”
“Dazai.” Kunikida warned.
“Fine, fine.” he murmured, but didn’t reach for it again.
Ranpo's eyes blinked, squinting at the scene before him.
Strike one.
He didn’t flirt with Yosano when she took off her coat.
Strike two.
Atsushi was free and Dazai did not do so much as pester him.
Strike three.
He actually let out a small "Tch." After getting scolded by Kunikida. Dazai is never genuinely irritated, or at the very least he never lets it show.
Ranpo sat up.
Fukuzawa was halfway through assigning a new solo case when Ranpo interrupted.
“I want Dazai with me.”
The room paused.
The chief tilted his head slightly. “This isn’t a high-threat case, Ranpo. You’ve handled worse on your own.”
Ranpo shrugged, casually peeling the wrapper off a new lollipop. “Don’t care. I’m not going without him.”
Kunikida adjusted his glasses. “That’s inefficient. Pairing you and Dazai is redundant, it’s a waste of resources-"
Ranpo looked at him with the bored flatness of someone who could destroy a man with one fact. “Then assign someone else.”
“Ranpo...” Fukuzawa started.
Ranpo’s tone didn’t shift, cheeks puffed as if he was about to throw a tantrum. “I want Dazai.”
There was a silence thick enough to cut. Then Fukuzawa glanced toward Dazai, who still hadn’t moved from his seat.
The brunette blinked slowly, like the conversation was happening underwater. Then he raised his hand lazily and said. "Sure, sure. Let’s make it a date.”
They stumbled around at the train station, Dazai mostly had the routes figured out. All Ranpo had to do was waddle after him as with any partner assigned with him.
"So, Ranpo-san, why'd you take me out today?"
Ranpo stayed quiet.
"You went so far just to give me the silent treatment? How mean~"
Dazai waited for an answer then sighed with a pout once he figured Ranpo wasn't going to budge.
They boarded the train just after noon.
The sun had warmed the platform, but the air inside the carriage was cool and tinged with the faint smell of metal. Dazai dropped into the window seat without complaint, stretching his legs out in front of him. Ranpo sat beside him, arms crossed, gaze straight ahead.
For a while, neither spoke.
As expected, Dazai tried to fill the space.
He started, voice light but a little hoarse. “Do you think it was the lover, the business partner, or the twin brother with the mustache?”
Ranpo didn’t even let out a hum.
Dazai tried again. “You know, I’m getting pretty good at this whole deduction thing. I bet I could solve this case before we even get off the train.”
Silence. Dazai was starting to lose his patience.
He tapped his fingers against the seat. “I mean, sure, I’m no Ranpo Edogawa, genius of the Agency.”
Still nothing.
Dazai's brows furrowed, even flattery hadn't worked. He huffed a laugh that sounded thin. “You’re really going to ignore me? That’s so mean, Ranpo-san. I might cry.”
Ranpo didn’t look at him. His attention was fixed on the flicker of power lines outside the window.
Dazai let out a quiet breath and slouched further into his seat.
The quiet pressed in again, thicker this time. The hum of the engine. The repetitive clack of tracks. All too rhythmic.
His body ached, not from pain, but from sheer inertia. The exhaustion clawed at the back of his eyes, but he bit down on it, chewing the inside of his cheek.
His eyes dropped and his head jerked back up everytime it lolled over to the side.
Ranpo didn’t help, didn’t speak, didn’t stimulate.
Which meant...
Dazai turned fully toward him, tired eyes going as wide as they can go. “You’re doing this on purpose.”
Ranpo didn’t look away from the window. The sunlight hit his glasses just right, glinting like a mirror.
“Cruel...” Dazai muttered. “Very cruel. You know silence is worse than torture, don’t you?”
Ranpo didn’t even blink.
The train rocked gently.
Outside, buildings blurred into green hills. The rhythm of wheels against track was steady.
Dazai blinked slowly. The fight to stay awake was invisible to anyone who didn’t know how he worked, how desperately he needed noise, motion, chaos to distract his body from collapsing in on itself. And Ranpo... Ranpo had taken all of that away.
The bastard knew.
He leaned back, tried to shift, tried to think, but the world was softening around the edges now.
Then-
His shoulder bumped Ranpo’s.
It didn’t lift.
Ranpo glanced down at him, at the smudges under his eyes, the faint parting of his lips, and the rare sheer nothingness in his expression.
Finally, with the tiniest upturn of his lips. Ranpo smirked.
"You're welcome, dummy."