Work Text:
"So Chancellor, what are your plans this holiday season?"
"Ah, thank you for inquiring. Though I'm afraid there will be no holiday season, as due to our focus on the war effort, Christmas is effectively cancelled until further notice."
Silence reigned in the Senate chambers.
Tense silence.
"I sincerely apologize, but we cannot deviate our attention to what would be considered a trivial matter."
"Chancellor." Senator Bryana Kayleen of Earth spoke, tone tight and cold. "Christmas is far from trivial."
"My apologies, I meant no offense."
"Sure seemed like it." Senator Kin Robb muttered aloud but was ignored.
"But my point stands. Christmas is put on hold, indefinitely."
UnhingedTroll'sFam Chat is active.
Everyone is online.
Skyguy: What the actual kriff?!
MigraineCentral: Skywalker, there are children present.
Snips: Master Windu, I'm 16, not 6, 🙄.
AdoptionService: The point stands, little 'Soka.
FeralDaughter1: Anakin's right, what is the Chancellor thinking?! How dare he cancel Christmas!
FeralDaughter2: ...I find myself in agreement.
MigraineCentral: Elizabeth, Depa, 🤦🏿♂️.
FeralDaughter1: There's only one possible explanation...
BigBrain: Do I even want to know?
MigraineCentral: No, but she'll say it anyway.
BigBrain: ...so much for plausible deniability.
MigraineCentral: Speak for yourself, Ki-Adi.
FeralDaughter1: He's a Sith Lord, or a dark side force user in general, but still.
Skyguy: You know what? Given all his passive aggressive comments about the Jedi, it makes too much sense.
Snips: His influence over the Senate.
SereneMomma: His power over the order.
AdoptionService: His blocking of granting the clones sentient rights.
FeralDaughter1: How much power he has, he could easily dissolve the Senate if he pleased and no one could stop him at this point.
Skyguy: His very disturbing interest in me.
ObiSassymouth: I thought you were close friends?
Skyguy: Please. I grew up on Tatooine as a slave until you and Qui-Gon came along. I know a gaslighter when I see one, and Scalpy Palpy is far from subtle.
BigBrain: Scalpy Palpy?
Snips: Well if the shoe fits.
FeralDaughter2: 🙂👠👠
TranquilMomma: I like those shoes.
Skyguy: ...
TranquilMomma: What?
Skyguy: Nothing master Luminara. Just...imagining Palps wearing high heels.
Snips: ...
FeralDaughter2: ...
BigBrain: ...
MigraineCentral: ...
GremlinGrandpa: ...
ObiSassymouth: ...
AdoptionService: ...
SereneMomma: ...
TranquilMomma: ...
TranquilDaughter: ...
HornedWarrior: ...
GremlinGrandchild: 🙂
TheOnlySaneOne: ಠ‿ಠ
CrimsonGremlinChild: Pfft...
BlueGremlinChild: ...
BlueDevilChild: ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ
ObiSassymouth: ...Fives, Etain, Fox...
GremlinGrandchild: ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭
BlueDevilChild: 乁| ･ 〰 ･ |ㄏ
CrimsonGremlinChild: Why am I dragged into this??
Silver-tonguedHobo: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
TranquilMomma: Quinlan how much have you had to drink?
Silver-tonguedHobo: With Palpy's little declaration? Nowhere near enough.
CrimsonGremlinChild: Anymore alcohol and I will overdramatically march over to the temple just to strangle you.
ObiSassymouth: Thank you Fox.
CrimsonGremlinChild: You know better than to drink before I do, it's a daily routine you kriffing idiot.
ObiSassymouth: Unthank you Fox.
Snips: ...
TranquilDaughter: How did the chat go this way?
Snips: Barriss, it's the Jedi council, plus us.
TranquilDaughter: Point taken.
FeralDaughter1: In any case, anyone thinking what I'm thinking?
MigraineCentral: Never.
BigBrain: Rarely.
GremlinGrandpa: Always thinking it, I am.
ObiSassymouth: Depends.
TheOnlySaneOne: No, ಠ_ʖಠ
Skyguy: Kriff yeah!
FeralDaughter1: Well, let's go ahead and get to work.
GremlinGrandchild: Can I join? (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
TheOnlySaneOne: Etain, no.
ObiSassymouth: I know nothing.
MigraineCentral: Relatable.
BigBrain: ^
GremlinGrandpa: Etain yes.
BlueDevilChild: Etain yes.
CrimsonGremlinChild: If it goes like I think it will, kark yes.
Snips: I'm down to see where it goes.
ObiSassymouth: *When your baby sibling looks you in the eyes, lies through their teeth, and disappoints you*
Snips: *When your older sibling is a hypocritical idiot that needs to be supervised or they'll die of overflirtation*
Skyguy: Is that even a word snips?
Snips: Idc, it is now.
FeralDaughter1: Mood.
GremlinGrandchild: Come to the temple gardens, Elizabeth, Anakin. I have a plan, (◍•ᴗ•◍)
FeralDaughter1: Already coming. Also I'm bringing Nic with us.
TheOnlySaneOne: (As in forcing me against my will) (Also, master Windu, please save me, (・_・;) )
MigraineCentral: As long as none of you end up in prison, don't involve me. I don't know what's going on and I don't care otherwise.
TheOnlySaneOne: (个_个)
BlueGremlinChild: Sorry general Kota.
Skyguy: I'm coming to drag you over here too, what are you trying to say you're sorry for?
BlueGremlinChild: ...Kriff.
BlueDevilChild: Haha.
BlueGremlinChild: ...
CrimsonGremlinChild: Better run Fives, Rex'ika is channeling his inner Windu.
Skyguy: ...in that case, nvm Rex, you can stay. Also Fives? I'm praying for you.
BlueDevilChild: What are you-HOLY MOTJJJCTTYUIJJGTYUKKNCSEEDN-
Snips: Yep, that'll do it.
BlueDevilChild: Fox, What do I do?!!
CrimsonGremlinChild: Run and pray I guess. Sucks to be you.
BlueDevilChild: ...
Snips: It's Fox, you can't tell me you didn't see that response coming.
BlueDevilChild: ...
Snips: ...*disappointed sigh as I put down the holopad*
BlueDevilChild: ...OH MY KJHGYYIKNVDWERB&_7))?;'__5-+;:_&-+DDRYIK((&432278)!;|•{]€^={[∆∆\°^HMKRDEEDX,,,XFHHDXX,FYUH,*"':;(99)??;55.678(!
BigBrain: ??
CrimsonGremlinChild: Don't worry, Rex'ika just yeeted him all the way to the industrial sector.
BigBrain: He got yeeted?
CrimsonGremlinChild: Mm hm.
BigBrain: ...Force help him.
Etain's plan seemed simple.
Present Palpatine with a Christmas gift.
She already had a gift for him apparently, as if she had planned this moment for so long.
Nic just sighs because he knows this will somehow result in chaos, as it always does whenever Etain is involved.
The galaxy's fate was possibly sealed.
They were all doomed.
Meanwhile on Serenno, Dooku had an oddly good feeling about today for some reason.
He checked his schedule.
...
Well, Takodana was quite nice this time of year.
... technically it was nice all times of the year, but it was only particularly appealing now.
When they arrived at the Chancellor's office, Fox unenthusiastically waved them to enter, where they soon after met with the Chancellor himself.
"Ah, Anakin my boy. And master Mareel, Knight Mukan, and Knight Kota." Palpatine greeted with what he seemed to hope was a smile. "This is a bit of a surprise."
"Chancellor Palpatine." Etain greeted sweetly (Nic could tell she was really trying to conceal how much she wanted to throw him out the window).
"Might I inquire the reasoning for this visit?"
"Oh. Well, since Christmas will be on hold indefinitely, we figured we'd all chip in and give you a gift. Not for Christmas, but because of all the hard work you've put into your duties as our Chancellor."
To which Palpatine nodded, accepting the wrapped gift she held out with clearly falsified gratitude, though they all could sense his growing interest.
"Really? I see. Well, thank you my dear, I'm flattered. I wish many other Jedi could understand this, but I understand that they have difficulty in social situations, and I confess that although I try my best, I'm far from perfect." To which Nic resists an eyeroll cause that was a blatant load of crap. "Did you wish me to open it now or later?"
"It's fine your excellency." Anakin's fake smile is...disturbingly good.
...
Maybe he picked up more from master Kenobi than he let on.
"You do have much to attend to as Chancellor, and we wouldn't want to take up too much of your time. "
Palpatine chuckles, and oh, yep, gaslighting in all its glory.
"Always thinking of others before yourself, truly a role model for our youth."
Palpatine then takes off the wrapping paper, and then stares at...a holo-communicator?
The Chancellor raises a brow and looks to them in question, though Etain just gestures for him to activate it.
Which he does out of curiosity.
...
Then a hologram message from...Count Dooku? Appears.
"My dearly beloathed Lord Sidious." Palpatine's eye seems to twitch slightly. "I'm truly disappointed that you decided to cancel what is a highly beloved national holiday and tradition, especially on Earth. Queen Victoria is very agitated by the way, not to mention the Christians saying you'll be struck down by Christ himself before being dragged, clawing and screaming, down through the gates of hell, but anyways..." Dooku rolls his eyes in the message. "I just wanted to leave this with Mukan to expose you. Chancellor Sheev Palpatine is the Sith Lord Darth Sidious and is playing both sides of the war. There's a plot involving inhibitor chips in the heads of the clones where Sidious will one day say 'execute order 66' which would result in the slaughter of the Jedi order. The Kaminoans are aware, though they don't know the true extent. There's other things but the Jedi can find all of it easily enough. So I leave you now, because I'm calling off the war, secretly signing a peace treaty brought to me by senator Amidala and her allies, and will be taking an indefinite vacation because I'm getting too old for this, as are you, Scalpy Palpy."
...
"Hah! I knew I got that from someone..." Anakin exclaimed smugly.
Palpatine blinked.
"Also I threw Grievous off the planet and into the vacuum of space, and according to my calculations he's slowly but surely on the course to a black hole, where he'll never be seen again. Merry Christmas, Skeevy Sheevy." Dooku sounded both so very bored yet so very pleased with himself and then his hologram was gone.
Anakin, Elizabeth, and Etain cackled.
Palpatine looked over to them.
His eyes land on Nic.
"Have they always known?"
"No, but Etain probably did."
"..."
"...most likely."
...
"That tracks." Palpatine starts, seeming to summon something to his free hand.
Elizabeth stares at him before she spoke.
"No."
And in about two seconds, Palpatine was yeeted across the room, then yeeted back and right through Anakin's lightsaber, where the Sith lost his head.
Then they just stare at the body.
...
Silence.
...
....
.....
......
........
"Well, that's that." Elizabeth says dryly.
Anakin shakes his head with a snort.
"So much for the dark lord of the Sith."
UnhingedTroll'sFam chat is active.
Everyone is online.
MigraineCentral: So let me get this straight...
FeralDaughter1: Funny, considering you're bent.
MigraineCentral: I fail to see how what way I swing is relevant.
FeralDaughter1: You've long since gotten used to disappointment.
MigraineCentral: Back to the matter at hand...
MigraineCentral: You committed treason by assassinating the Chancellor, after you yeeted him. Then Dooku left a recording that exposed a Sith plot, and exposed Palpatine as the Sith Lord. Then you learned the war was over as Dooku signed a treaty and yeeted Grievous into space never to be seen again...
GremlinGrandchild: Don't forget Elizabeth's yeeting of Mas Amedda and Tarkin from the Senate rotunda, ｡◕‿◕｡
FeralDaughter1: (◡ ω ◡)
BigBrain: ...honestly, deserved.
AdoptionService: ^
SereneMomma: ^
TranquilMomma: ^
ObiSassymouth: ^
CrimsonGremlinChild: ^
MigraineCentral: ...dare I ask why you did it?
FeralDaughter1: ಠ◡ಠ
MigraineCentral: ...withdrawn.
FeralDaughter2: Not a courtroom Mace.
MigraineCentral: Really? Always feels like it...
MigraineCentral: ...and all that...because Palpatine cancelled Christmas??
FeralDaughter1: No one cancels the birth of our lord and savior, (•‿•)
TheOnlySaneOne: That I agree with.
FeralDaughter1: Our apologies to the force, but Christ comes first for us.
Nothing&Everything: None taken children, Christ predates me anyway.
ObiSassymouth: ..nbhhhxdeetyjjj
HornedWarrior: The Force joined and replied to our group chat?!!
Nothing&Everything: ʘ‿ʘ
Snips: Omg! Hello non-binary chaos parent!
Nothing&Everything: Hello my child. ◉‿◉
BigBrain: ...I must have lost my sanity and been thrown into a psych ward.
MigraineCentral: ...
GremlinGrandpa: Nice of you to finally join us, it is.
Nothing&Everything: :-D
SereneMomma: I'm currently too proud doting on my eldest child being involved in saving the galaxy to care.
TheOnlySaneOne: ...even if against my will?
SereneMomma: Especially then ^_^
TheOnlySaneOne: ...guess I really am the only sane one.
ObiSassymouth: I appreciate that vote of confidence, 🙄🙂
TheOnlySaneOne: I literally saw you jump from the top of 500 Republica while yelling the lyrics to Applause by Gaga. You never counted in the category of sane.
ObiSassymouth: ...
Skyguy: He actually did that?!
Snips: Oh my force...
GremlinGrandchild: ｡◕‿◕｡
GremlinGrandchild added one user.
GremlinGrandchild renamed one user CrimsonEmoStalker.
CrimsonEmoStalker: ...
CrimsonEmoStalker: KENNNOOB-
CrimsonEmoStalker: ...
CrimsonEmoStalker: Wait you actually did that??!
ObiSassymouth: Oh for the love of...
GremlinGrandpa: 🤣🤣🤣
Snips: Is that...Maul??
GremlinGrandchild: Hence his chat name
GremlinGrandchild: (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
BigBrain: Etain...🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
MigraineCentral: ...
MigraineCentral: I don't even care about what's going on anymore, but somehow I just know your lineage is to blame @GremlinGrandpa
GremlinGrandpa: Cemented our legacy, they have. Proud of the chaos they've spawned, I am. Suffer now, the Senate will, but our problem now, it is not.
MigraineCentral: ......................................................................................................................................
MigraineCentral: ...everyone will join me later for a medal ceremony for all those involved. Attendance is mandatory.
FeralDaughter1: :-)
TranquilMomma: And...Mace is finally broken.
Skyguy: He wasn't already?
MigraineCentral: I will soon have no more paperwork. Unlimited sanity shall soon be mine, 〜(꒪꒳꒪)〜
CrimsonGremlinChild: I felt that.
BigBrain: ...force take me now, 🎶somewhere over the black hole~🎶
Snips: What in the...
Nothing&Everything: Suffer.
Nothing&Everything: (◍•ᴗ•◍)
BigBrain: ...
BigBrain: ...is it too late to convert religions??