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Tommy couldn’t concentrate on a single thing he started to do.
There was always something to do at his house. When he had bought it, it had practically been a ruin, and the progress Tommy was making was slow as he did most of it by himself. When none of the work on the house would grab his attention, he could usually distract himself by working on the latest car in his garage he was restoring.
On this day, nothing of that worked.
If Tommy was honest, nothing had worked to distract him for over a week, ever since that fateful evening when he had run into Evan. The night they had spent together and even most of the morning had only reminded him of all the things Tommy had thrown away nearly half a year ago. And somehow, he had managed to ruin it all again. So Tommy desperately tried to let go of his longing and of the urge to call Evan again or drop by his place to try to walk back the fight of that morning.
Of course, then Eddie had called this morning and thrown over all of Tommy’s resolve not to risk breaking his own heart and Evan’s heart even more. Now Tommy was wondering if there was a chance to fix the pain they had caused each other, and he couldn’t let go of that thought.
Not quite three hours after the phone call with Eddie, Tommy’s doorbell rang. He couldn’t say what it was exactly in the way the bell was rung, but somehow, he just knew it was Evan staying in front of the door. So Tommy stopped before the door and inhaled deeply before he reached for the doorknob.
Evan stared at him, his lower lip pulled between his teeth and his hands pressed flat against his thighs. Tommy sighed, not sure what he should say, if he should say anything. Despite what Eddie had told him earlier, despite the hope all of that had awoken, he didn’t know if there was anything left to say between him and Evan. Evan’s words from the fight that morning still rattled through Tommy’s mind and they still held a finality about where Evan stood emotionally that Tommy couldn’t let go of.
„I’m in love with you,“ Evan blurted out just before the silence started to feel uncomfortable.
Tommy’s breath caught in his throat and his heart skipped a beat or five. He felt as if the rug had been ripped out from under his feet, flabbergasted and overwhelmed at the same time. That was honestly the last thing he had expected to hear from Evan. Eddie had asked him earlier what Evan would need to do to convince Tommy that he wasn’t in love with Eddie, and somehow the answer for that was so damn clear now.
Tommy swallowed, but he wasn’t able to form even a single word.
„I should have said that last week,” Evan continued, and his hesitance from a moment before was replaced by the nervous energy Tommy had become so fond of in the months they had spent together. “Heck, I should’ve said that back in November!” He ducked his head with a shy smile. “Though, to be honest, I wasn’t at a place then where I already recognized that. But it was still true. Is still true.“
Tommy opened his mouth, but Evan raised a hand and shook his head, face flushed.
„No, let me talk, please.”
Tommy nodded and closed his mouth with an audible click of his teeth.
Evan flashed him a short smile, then took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for what I said about … you know, sleeping with people I have or don’t have feelings for. I lashed out because I was angry and hurt and I know I need to work on that.” He waved a hand around. “I’ve been trying to work on it, but clearly there is still a long road ahead of me.”
Tommy smiled and leaned against the doorframe while watching Evan. He had missed his rambling so much.
“I mean, I’ve had sex with people without any kind of emotional attachment in the past. I kind of made a hobby out of that before I became a firefighter. But you’ve not once been in that category. I’ve missed you, Tommy. Like crazy. And it didn’t matter how much time went by, it didn’t matter what other fucked up shit happened, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, missing you. Still haven’t stopped.”
Tommy wet his lip and watched Evan patiently. He was burning to reciprocate the sentiment, but he was also filled with regret that Evan hadn’t told him that part back at the bar. He had recognized Tommy admitting to missing him, but he hadn’t done anything else, and that had felt like a stab in his heart. Not enough of a stab, though, not to follow him home when Evan had so boldly invited Tommy to his new place.
Evan waved his hands in front of him. “I’m really, truly so fucking sorry that I said that. I shouldn’t have lashed out. I don’t know where this idea of Eddie being competition comes from, but I should’ve just corrected this bullshit. Oh, and we’ll have to talk about where that idea came from, but later. Because it’s really stupid and Eddie reminded me that we did talk about it pretty early on.”
Evan huffed. “Anyway. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t stop you from leaving right then. I’m sorry I didn’t get my ass up to call and ask you for a second chance in November, or to at least ask you to explain to me what I had done wrong to make you think I’d …” Evan bit his lip and lowered his gaze. “But I did in the end, huh? Break your heart, I mean.”
“Evan,” Tommy whispered.
Evan glared. “Still not finished talking!”
Tommy bit his lip to hide his grin.
Evan huffed. “Okay, getting to the point. I so want that second chance you offered last week. I’ve wanted it since November, even though I’m still not quite sure what even went wrong in November. But whatever went wrong, I want to fix it. Whatever made you think Eddie was some kind of competition, I want to fix that, too. Because we’ve been broken up now for as long as we were dating, but I still see you everywhere when I think about my future!”
Evan stopped, panting, face flushed in a deep red, and watching Tommy out of wide eyes.
“Am I allowed to talk now?” Tommy asked.
Evan gave the most minuscule nod.
The problem was, Tommy suddenly didn’t really know what to say. Not because there weren’t a million thoughts running through his head, a million things he felt he needed to say. But the right words just weren’t there. He didn’t know how to start or how to choose the right words so they wouldn’t lead to another moment of breaking them apart even more.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Tommy said finally. “I’ve regretted walking out on you in November so much. And I’ve been kicking myself in the ass over the past few days for … first putting my foot in my mouth and then running away again. I … Do you want to come in? I think we need to sit and have a very thorough conversation.”
Evan nodded eagerly. “Yes!”
Tommy stepped out of the door. He was filled with unbelievable warmth when Evan walked past him without any hesitancy and turned to the kitchen right away, the one place in the house that held the most comfort for Tommy.
Evan sat down at his usual place on the bench at the dining table and for a moment Tommy was overcome with the memories of all the mornings and evenings they’d sat there and shared meals. It had been so easy with Evan to find a good rhythm between their shifts and the rest of their social lives. It had been a comfort Tommy had held onto with all his might, and something that felt at this moment so easy to fall back into.
Tommy had been aware all along that despite that easy and comfortable rhythm they’d found, there had been a distinct lack of talking about certain things, of sharing their insecurities. For Tommy, it had been an avoidance of burdening the new relationship, which had backfired spectacularly when Evan had run headfirst into not one but two of Tommy’s worst insecurities at the same time.
For a moment, Tommy watched Evan warily. Then he turned to the tea kettle because he knew he needed something to occupy his hands, or even just something to hold onto. Otherwise, he might just reach out to Evan to get lost in each other, which was so easy as they had proven the week before. But it wasn’t what they needed right at this moment.
“I need to apologize, too,” Tommy said quietly, turning his head just far enough to watch Evan out of the corner of his eye. “Both for some of the things I said in November and for walking out on you last week. I’m not very good at staying in one place to face the hard conversations. Not when my heart is on the line, at least.”
“Do you think there is a chance to fix this mess we created?” Evan asked softly, nearly shily.
Tommy turned to face Evan fully. “I want that,” he said and got a brilliant smile from Evan in return. Tommy knew his own smile was much more hesitant. “So, I really hope we’ll be able to fix it.”
Even nodded slowly and bit his lip. “If we put the right kind of work in. Like talking about the things we avoided talking about so far.”
Tommy exhaled slowly and nodded. “Yes, exactly that.” He watched Evan for a moment, unsure where to start. “You said earlier it’s a bad habit of yours to lash out. My bad habit would be to sometimes go to ridiculous lengths to avoid difficult conversations. Especially if I’d have to open up about painful memories. Or if my heart is on the line.”
Evan ducked his head and Tommy’s heart broke a little at the insecurity and uncertainty in that gesture.
Tommy swallowed. Evan’s confession from earlier rattled in the back of his mind, and it stung a little even for Tommy that he hadn’t returned that sentiment yet. “I fell stupidly hard and fast for you. And even six months of separation haven’t changed how much … I am in love with you.”
Evan blushed and smiled in that way that always made Tommy’s heart skip a beat from the very first time he had seen that smile when they had both watched Bobby and Athena reunite after the rescue at the cruise ship.
Evan wet his lips. “I think I know what I said last week that made you run. I mean, I knew that the moment I saw your face fell. But I have honestly still no idea what happened back in November.”
Tommy cleared his throat and was relieved when the kettle shut off, so he had a reason to turn around to finish preparing the tea. “You practically ran headfirst into two of my worst insecurities at once. And of course you couldn’t know that because I had been very careful not to let you see the darker parts of my past.”
Evan stayed silent while Tommy carried the mugs to the table and sat down on the chair opposite to him. Then he asked, “Can we talk about Abby?”
Tommy bit his tongue. He should have expected this, but his first instinct was to deny the request. Instead, he nodded. “What do you want to know?”
Evan shrugged. “There are just so many things that don’t add up. Before we even really started dating, Abby came to the 118 for Chim’s welcome-back party after his car accident. No one recognized her. She didn’t recognize anyone, either, and it was clear she didn’t know the station at all.”
Tommy inclined his head. “We both kept our work and our private life completely separated at the time.”
“I … I asked Hen about … And I know this was horribly invasive, but I just kept wondering. So I asked Hen what she knew about you being engaged in the past.”
Tommy raised his brows. Other than the things he had shared in general with everyone on shift, he had never explicitly talked with Hen about Abby or his engagement. Not even after coming out to Hen as the first one at the 118. “What did she say?”
Evan exhaled loudly. “That she figured you had been lying about a girlfriend and even being engaged all long even before you came out to her. Because the alleged fiancée never showed up to anything.” Evan cleared his throat. “She went on a whole lecture about queer history and the reason some people even today believe they have to hide and going as far as marrying someone they have to force themselves to be intimate with because our society sucks.”
“Why that lecture?” Tommy asked confused, though he could practically hear Hen going off about that.
Evan rolled his eyes and ducked his head. “Because something I said somehow convinced her I had said something horribly insensitive and that that was the reason for the breakup.”
Tommy made a face, but couldn’t help himself to also laugh lightly. “I’m sorry. Hen can be a little much in that regard sometimes.”
Evan shrugged. “I know and I didn’t take it personally. And it did make me do some research I probably should’ve done a little earlier.”
“What kind of research?” Tommy asked out of honest curiosity as much as a relief to have a distraction from Abby, at least for a couple more minutes.
“All kinds of things.” Evan sighed and stared at his mug. “Queer history, queer culture, all the different labels out there. I read up on a ton of experiences other people shared, started chatting with some of them.”
Tommy hummed.
“I didn’t think it mattered,” Evan whispered and turned his mug between his hands. “Because it didn’t really matter for me, personally. I mean, sure, I was super nervous about our first date and was an ass when Eddie showed up. But in the end, I was mostly anxious about being nervous at all and that somehow turned into a vicious spiral.”
“I remember,” Tommy said with a soft smile. They had never really talked about it again after Evan had invited him to the coffee date. “Did you figure out why you were nervous to begin with?”
Evan looked up with a coy smile. “That was all about you. I didn’t want to make a bad impression, and I was wondering a little bit if there were different rules to being on a date with a man instead of a woman. And I was sure I hadn’t actually made a very good impression before that.”
Tommy laughed. “Sure. I kissed you and asked you out on a date because you had made such a bad impression.”
Evan grinned sheepishly. “No one has ever claimed anxious me is good at rational reasoning! Anyway, it wasn’t about me somehow struggling with being attracted to a man. We’ve talked about that it’s always been there, and I didn’t … I think I had just always accepted it as being normal and the only reason you’re the first man I actually dated is that no man I was interested in in the past returned that interest. And then also acted on it. If I have to choose a label—”
“You don’t have to choose any label,” Tommy interrupted him softly.
Evan nodded. “Yeah, I know. And there are so many things I wasn’t even aware of. But anyway, if someone pressed me to choose a label, I’d go for pansexual. Which I also didn’t know was a thing.” He sighed deeply. “Which is really the point I wanted to make. I didn’t feel like anything monumental had changed for me other than being stupidly infatuated in a way I really haven’t experienced very often in the past. So, I didn’t feel I needed to do any research and that was a mistake.”
Tommy raised his brows. He had become very familiar with Evan’s research bings and the way he could get lost in them before he started to excitedly share everything he had learned.
“And I should’ve looked into it. Should’ve learned about other people’s experiences. Because then I might have been less startled and better prepared when you shared your past experiences. I wouldn’t have judged you quite so hastily and unfairly.”
Tommy raised his brows. He didn’t remember that Evan had reacted in any way negatively when Tommy had first mentioned Abby.
Evan sighed. “And that brings us back to Abby. I kept thinking about her because what I learned from her about her past relationship and what you mentioned just doesn’t add up.”
“How so?” Tommy asked. “I honestly wouldn’t have expected her to have talked about me with you at all.”
Evan gave him a crooked grin. “Because I was just a himbo half her age she hooked up with?”
Tommy huffed. “Actually, we’ll have to revisit that part. But that has time for later.”
Evan frowned.
“I know she wasn’t happy about me ending our engagement and I know Abby. We ran into each other once after the breakup and she pretended not to know me at all. I’d have expected her to pretend I didn’t exist in any new relationship, too.”
“She probably would’ve,” Evan agreed. “But Patrica kept calling me Tommy. I think you left a really great impression with her.”
“That’s good to know,” Tommy said softly. He had missed Patricia much more than anything about his relationship with Abby.
“Abby said the end of your relationship — and she never called you her fiancé, by the way, only her boyfriend — was the worst breakup of her life because she hadn’t given you her permission to break up.”
Tommy made a face. “Yeah.”
“I didn’t recognize it as the red flag I see in that comment today,” Evan said with a dark look. “Back then I just thought she was angry about you leaving her alone to care for her sick mom. Which is honestly unfair even if that’s what you did. And now I know you so I’m pretty sure you didn’t just leave her alone with it.”
“I offered to help with Patrica.” Tommy sighed deeply. “I liked Patrica a great deal and I’d have been happy to be there for her, but Abby insisted on cutting all contact. I was at the funeral, though, and if Abby saw me, she ignored it. I kept far in the back. So much so, that I didn’t make the connection between the man with Abby and you until you showed me your photos.”
“I don’t remember you there at all,” Evan said softly and then sighed. “Though, I really only focused on Abby. I’d probably not recognize anyone but her brother’s family of the people who were there.”
“Abby and I used each other,” Tommy said, deciding to come back to Evan’s original question. “I wasn’t in a good place shortly after we met for the first time. Something happened that convinced me it would be … much safer to keep pretending to be hetero. And at that time feeling safe was much more important for me than being happy or anything else.”
Evan exhaled slowly and paled.
Tommy smiled sadly. It was a hard truth he hadn’t been able to recognize for a long time. And a reality he would have preferred to keep from Evan completely. “I’ll need a quiet evening before a free day, all the comfort food and hours of comfort movies cued up if you want to hear the tale of how I ended up at that place.”
Evan bit his lip and nodded. “I’d … be honored if you want to share that. But you don’t have to.”
Tommy wet his lip. He had a feeling if they wanted to reach a place where they could build a life together — and that was very much what Tommy still wished for their future — he’d have to find the courage to share all those horribly painful experiences of his past with Evan instead of trying to shield and protect him from them. Or to protect himself from Evan’s reaction, good or bad.
“When Abby and I started dating, Patricia was already showing some symptoms. Symptoms she couldn’t hide anymore. Abby suspected later that Patricia had been able to hide the really early symptoms for a year or two. She had still mostly good days, was able to live by herself with some help, and she and Abby discussed for a long time how to proceed. At one point she said what she’d regret most was that she wouldn’t see her daughter marry.”
Evan winced. “Ouch.”
Tommy hummed. “Two days later we were engaged. Patricia was over the moon. But I think early on, she was very well aware that it was more a front. When I broke it off with Abby, we hadn’t talked once about moving in together. For a while I kind of hoped Abby would bring it up so that I had a reason to break up, to be honest.”
Evan huffed. “No fan of moving in with anyone, huh?”
Tommy bit his lip and lowered his gaze. He stared into his cup and sighed deeply. The truth was that Evan was the first person in over a decade he could see that happening with at one point. But that didn’t help against the kneejerk reaction even just mentioning the possibility had caused.
“It’s something I’d need to work up to,” Tommy said eventually. “And that’s related to this topic for an evening with a lot of comfort food and comfort movies.”
Evan smiled warmly, despite the sadness in his eyes. “Yeah, okay. Sounds like a lot to unpack. Maybe we should plan for a couple of those evenings right away.”
Tommy’s heart fluttered once more in anticipation. “Sounds like a plan.”
“So, you got engaged because of Patricia, but never made any effort to truly become part of the other’s life?” Evan asked.
Tommy shrugged. “I asked her a couple of times to come with me to some events with the crew of the 118. She was very focused on keeping our lives separated in that respect. We went out on dates just the two of us, we cared for Patricia together. But I never met any of her friends, she never met any of my friends. We didn’t live together and had no plans about that. I think that’s the reason I managed to live with it for so long because Abby wasn’t really that big a part of my life.”
“What made you break up with her? From what you said earlier, you had been looking for a reason for a while.”
Tommy sighed deeply. “I had. It didn’t take me even half of those two years we were engaged to recognize that being with a woman didn’t actually give me the safety I had tried to find. And it took me even less time to recognize that eventually, that whole thing would make me horribly unhappy.”
He cleared his throat and lowered his gaze. “But as you said earlier, in Abby’s eyes my worst crime was that I had ended things without her permission. And that was pretty much how the whole relationship worked. It was her way or the highway.”
Evan huffed and rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah. I remember that very well. But I thought it was the stress of her mother getting worse every day and then her grief.”
Tommy shook his head, grinning half-heartedly. “No, I think that’s pretty much a very ingrained character flaw. So I knew breaking up would be a hell of a fight if the idea wasn’t brought up by her, and I felt too unsettled for that kind of fight with her. And then there was the thought of helping with the care for Patricia, who I had grown very fond of. I knew all along, ending the relationship with Abby would mean I’d never see Patricia again. I think it took me nearly eight months before I ended things, and I honestly don’t remember which straw broke the camel’s back. The only thing I ever regretted about it in the end was that I missed the last two and half years of Patricia’s life.”
“See, and that’s another thing that doesn’t make sense,” Evan said with a frown. “When I met Abby in person for the first time, she said it had been a year. And that was around 4 months before Patricia’s death.”
Tommy made a face. “That brings us back to the himbo of it all. Because you aren’t the himbo.”
Even blinked, dumbfounded. “What?”
Tommy shrugged. “I didn’t make the connection right away because I was too surprised and frankly shocked by your revelation about Abby. There was a guy between you and me. Barely 20, fresh out of the fire academy and a probie at the 122 where my friend Sal was transferred to shortly after Bobby took over the captaincy of the 118. Incidentally, the guy was also called Tommy and bragged far and wide about the hot cougar dispatcher — his words! — he was banging until she moved her sick mother into her apartment and he broke it off. Sal was one of very few who knew Abby and recognized Himbo Tommy’s Abby as my Abby. He was very gleeful about keeping me up to date about all that.”
Evan leaned back in his chair with a heavy huff. “Wow.”
Tommy huffed. “Yeah, exactly. And that guy was everything you’d imagine a himbo to be, at least according to everything Sal had to say about him. I wasn’t surprised that he didn’t make it through his probationary year after all. Sal was just waiting for an opportunity to introduce us for his own amusement, and I thankfully didn’t have to come up with any excuses anymore once Himbo Tommy was gone.”
Evan bit his lip but that didn’t help quieten his laughter. “I’d wonder if Abby had a weird thing for firefighters if she hadn’t ended up marrying an accountant. Or maybe between you, Himbo Tommy, and me, we just put her off firefighters for life.”
Tommy raised his brows. “How do you know who Abby married?”
Evan sighed deeply and shrugged. “I ran into them during a call. And I was an idiot during the whole thing. I can tell you that story another time.”
Tommy nodded. “There are a lot of things I’m not proud of concerning anything surrounding Abby. So it put me in a very strange headspace when you told me that you had dated her, too.”
“And then I hit another minefield when I asked you to move in together,” Evan said softly.
“You explicitly asked me to move in with you,” Tommy said. “As in, me moving into the loft.”
Evan frowned and shook his head. “That’s not how I meant it. Did I really say it like that?” He carded his fingers through his hair. “I really didn’t mean it with that kind of finality.”
“You seemed pretty excited,” Tommy said. “Looking back, I recognized at one point that you probably hadn’t meant it with the finality I heard in it. To be honest, I didn’t expect the suggestion alone to be the kind of trigger it turned out to be.”
Evan sighed deeply. “That’s the thing about triggers, right? We only learn about them once we hit them.” He cocked his head and watched Tommy intently. “Explain to me where the whole Eddie being any kind of competition thing came from.”
Tommy rubbed a hand over his face. “You know how you start believing in something if you hear it often enough? That’s pretty much exactly what happened. And I really didn’t need Eddie kicking my ass earlier through the phone to know I shouldn’t have listened to anyone.”
Evan frowned and shook his head. “I don’t understand. Who said anything like that to you?”
Tommy wet his lip. “Who didn’t have something to say about having waited for years for Eddie and you to get a clue about the nature of your relationship?”
Evan shook his head more forcefully. “I know they all have this strange impression. I’m pretty sure there are bets about Eddie and me. But did they really bother you with that whole bullshit?”
Tommy raised his brows and shrugged. He really didn’t know what to say to that. Despite what Eddie had told him earlier, he felt uneasy pointing out to Evan that it had mostly been Maddie and Chimney who had confronted him about it.
Part of him hoped Evan wouldn’t pry too much into it, would either accept or reject his apology, and let them move on from the topic. But of course, that hope was in vain.
Evan frowned. “Who?”
“I think I heard it from everyone at one point,” Tommy said. “Everyone who is close to you at the 118, at least.” He swallowed and watched Evan warily. “But mostly I heard it from Maddie and Chimney.” Tommy hesitated again, but then he shook his head. There was no use in trying to hold anything back to lessen the blow. “And Howie was pretty clear that he was following Maddie’s lead.”
Evan leaned back and pressed his hands against the edge of the table. His eyes were focused on some point to Tommy’s right, and for a long time, he seemed to be just frozen in place.
Eventually, he huffed, crossed his arms on the table, and rested his head on them. “I want to be surprised, but I really can’t.”
Tommy winced. “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. And again, I’m also very sorry that I let what they were saying get to me.”
“It’s bullshit,” Evan muttered.
“I know.”
Evan sat up and glared at Tommy. “Do you? Because last week that sounded very different!”
Tommy lowered his gaze just for a moment. “I know. I was trying to deflect, and it was a stupid thing to bring up. I told you, I’m sometimes doing very stupid things when I’m trying to avoid talking about difficult things. At that moment, I wasn’t ready for you to ask about why I had run away in November, so I tried to make a stupid joke because I assumed you and Eddie had been pestered with similar comments as I had.”
“I know Eddie’s and my friendship has caused some inside jokes,” Evan said slowly. “And there have been some digs, from Maddie especially. But you seem to have had some more detailed comments.”
“About how much of a surprise I was because they were all waiting for you and Eddie to start dating,” Tommy said slowly. He really didn’t want to go into any of those details, but the way Evan looked at him made him think he needed to share them. “How brave I was to go into a relationship with you when I had to know you’d eventually leave me for Eddie. That I shouldn’t even think about hurting you once that point was reached. That they didn’t think I would be stupid enough to fall in love with someone who was so clearly unavailable.”
Evan’s face seemed to turn darker with every word. “So, I clearly need to have a really long conversation with my sister.”
Tommy shrugged. He remembered Eddie’s warning about that and bit his tongue to keep himself from following the instinct of trying to defend Maddie. There wasn’t anything for him to defend, but he hated the thought of being the reason for any kind of conflict between Evan and his sister.
“Which has nothing to do with you and me,” Evan murmured. “I started going to therapy again.”
Tommy raised his brows, not quite able to follow that change of topics.
“Between you dumbing me, Maddie getting kidnapped, and Eddie announcing he’d leave for Texas — which I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone because my best friend is an idiot! — I just needed a place to vent about it all. So I got in contact with Dr. Copeland again.
Tommy smiled reassuringly. “I’m glad you’ve got that way to seek support.” He knew Evan didn’t always get the support from his friends and family for seeking out therapy that this step deserved.
Evan flushed and ducked his head. “Yeah. Anyway. We agreed earlier that we want to work on this right? Want to work on our relationship and not just give up this thing that feels like the best thing that ever happened to me just because we have very clear problems in communicating with each other.”
Tommy chuckled and reached over the table for Evan’s hand, who eagerly took that offer and laced their fingers together. He could see now where this was going, and he didn’t want Evan to get the idea for even a second that Tommy wasn’t fully on board to sort this thing between them out.
“So, I thought we might want to look into going to therapy together,” Evan continued. “Not necessarily Dr. Copeland. I don’t even know if she does couple’s therapy. But just in general. Looking for someone who’ll help us navigate some of these topics.” Evan scowled. “Like my sister having some kind of strange agenda and getting in your head about it. Or talking about those things in your past you’ve trouble talking about.”
“I’m all for it,” Tommy agreed.
Evan exhaled slowly. “Really?”
“Maybe we could look into that right now,” Tommy suggested. “We could go through the research you’ve probably already done for this.”
Evan blushed bright red and ducked his head with a sheepish grin, but he didn’t deny it.
“If you want to stay for a little while,” Tommy added softly.
“I might never leave again until you kick me out,” Evan said.
Tommy bit his tongue and inhaled sharply. That might turn into a problem because he couldn’t see himself asking for Evan to leave at all. Tommy knew the implication of that thought would be jumping the gun and pushing himself into territory he really wasn’t comfortable with, but at this moment the fear of letting Evan go was much bigger than any discomfort and panic over the thought of moving in with anyone.
“So,” Evan said with a playful grin. “What are you doing Saturday?”
Tommy laughed about that very specific phrase, grateful for the distraction. “You think the third time is the charm?”
Evan wet his lip. “Yeah. Though, maybe not Miceli’s.”
“I think Miceli’s is forever banned for any dates in the future.”
Evan chuckled. “I know a place I’m pretty sure you’ll love.”
“I’m completely free on Saturday,” Tommy said when he recognized that he hadn’t actually answered Evan’s question.
Evan grinned brightly. “Now you have plans. How about I pick you up at 6?”
Tommy just nodded in agreement and squeezed Evan’s hand. They were far away from solving any of their problems, but they had at least outlined the road to getting there and agreed that they were emotionally very much on the same page. Tommy felt that put them in a much more secure spot than they had ever been before.