Chapter Text
It was quiet, he stood in front of the body this time. Observing the surroundings, maybe too afraid to lay next to the body to see Toto's body instead. He turned around to investigate elsewhere, to get the idea off of his mind.
Until he felt someone, something creeping on him. Hands were wrapped on his neck, distance didn't exist, it felt like a hug from behind. The touch was burning into his skin, it wasn't those comforting hugs you felt from behind, it was like he was hyper aware of his surroundings, and he could feel the way he was breathing, the air between his fingers.
It was suffocating, the burning feeling of their fingers choked him, feeling the corner of his eyes blacking out. He turned his head to see Toto, still in the same attire— wearing that raincoat, same shoes and pants. He could feel his blood go cold as he saw the innocent look on his partner's eyes, lifeless. But his smile was taunting him.
"You've gotten weaker without me. You can still manage without me, right?"
It was all hazy, Ron couldn't find the words to answer, instead he let out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding.
"You should be strong now. I'm not here for you after all. They said men shouldn't cry."
He wasn't, in fact he was still crying every time he was reminded for failing to save his partner.
"Are you man enough? To take the blame for this?"
His heart was aching, seeing the way Toto's body felt cold, slumping against him was making him sick. The way Toto stopped breathing, the way his hands went colder each passing second? It was too hard to bear.
_________
Ron felt himself spring up, as he woke up. His hands going to his head, it's part of his routine now. He would wake up with a horrible headache, and overthink about the cause, and why he dreamt of something so cruel.
Each dream— or nightmare, it always followed the same thing. He would always see Toto dead, not alive and happy like how he saw him as his idiot partner. Instead he saw him dead, because of how he left him behind the island.
The constant blame and regret is reminded to him, every time he wakes up. To realize he only has what he has now because of his partner's efforts.
All he could do was live another day, solve cases and do whatever he wants afterwards. Its fun to solve cases, but when you see your partner's dead body instead of the victim's it starts to creep him out.
He occasionally took homicide cases from Amamiya, and took other cases that didn't have to do with corpses and death.
This time, he stayed in his office. Glancing over files every now and then, before chugging down his regular brown sugar syrup. The silent patter of soft rain on the window, he could feel him falling asleep with how nice the weather is.
As his eyes were about to close, his phone rung throughout the room, disturbing the peace. But that doesn't matter— who would call now anyway?
Amamiya, apparently.. "We need help at a case! Head to t-"
You didn't need to tell him twice, say case and the location of the crime scene you don't need to say anymore until he gets there.
"On the way. Send me the details for the crime."
...
Not even 10 minutes later, he arrives at the crime scene taking everything into detail and listing them down his head and connecting the dots. Amamiya talks about the victim, the situation, evidence and witness statements. He ignores the brief hallucination of his partner's dead body, after all it's not like he could save him if he really was there.
He makes his conclusion a few minutes later, and they find out that one of the witnesses was the culprit. He bids farewell to the other officers, heading out chugging brown sugar syrup.
Settled to a nearby bench, he stares at the sky, head empty. Well, almost empty. He was thinking of what to do tomorrow, what cases will he take.. How much paperwork does he need to go over?
"Have a lot on your mind, Ron?" A cold body rested on Ron's shoulder, seemingly relaxed.
"Why are you still here?" He continued swallowing down his brown sugar syrup, staring at the side where he saw Toto.
"I thought you missed me. Am I wrong?" His hand wandered elsewhere, grabbing Ron's hand.
The feeling of their hands together felt unsettling, a cold shiver running through his body as he glanced at their hands together. It felt like every single romantic gesture they had wasn't love at all. It was just meant to taunt him because he'll never be able to feel his warmth again.
"I'll take what I have." Ron looked over his (dead) partner, giving him a bittersweet smile.
...
The weeks continue passing by, and doesn't bother trying to think straight to get rid of the hallucinations he keeps seeing of his partner. In fact, he just accepted it, like he was still there.
Sure, it sounds weird.. But what choice does he have? If he can't handle the truth, he may as well escape it. If he faces the truth, then he'll have to experience the guilt, the regret all over again.
He knows it's his fault after all— or thinks it is. What choice did he have? A lot, apparently. And not choosing one of those choices is his fault.
He chugged down a packet of brown sugar syrup, concentrating on his client's case files. Whilst Toto peeked from behind, with a watchful gaze.
"Need help with that, Ron?" A grin was visible on his face.
"Go ahead, Toto." He continued drinking his brown sugar syrup, while putting some papers on the edge of the desk for Toto to read.
They both went over the documents in silence, it wasn't awkward— or comforting, there was just an odd feeling while silence passed.