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Nothing Left But Scars
-Maddie opened her eyes and found herself on the couch. Had they had a movie night after UNO? Where was everybody? She started to get up, but stopped when she realized she was holding something. Or rather, someone.
-Shadow.
-Her mind instantly played catch-up, helping her remember exactly what had happened last night. UNO had been interrupted when Sonic had felt Shadow in his old cave, and he and Tom had gone and found him. Maddie glanced up to where she knew Knuckles and Tails were, or had been since last night. How would they react to Shadow being the one Sonic had felt? Would they be startled? Most definitely. Angry? Excited? Confused? Hesitant? Those Maddie didn’t know. How they felt about all this wasn’t something she could predict; she could only hope it all worked out. She blinked a couple times to force away any lingering exhaustion. She needed to focus. She took in Shadow’s state now after the night had come and gone.
-The blue in his ear had almost completely faded, the tip of his ear all that was left to recover. The blue around his mouth was completely gone, which was a big relief. He was taking deep breaths, and the shaking had stopped. All in all, that was a good sign. It meant that he was slowly recovering; a night indoors seemed to have done a lot for him. Despite all that, Maddie was still concerned about the bent ear and burns he had, not to mention the slash on his chest. She slowly adjusted the blanket to get a better look at it, but before she could take it in, quiet footsteps began to approach. She knew before she looked up it wasn’t Knuckles or Tails; the hatch hadn’t lifted. Tom didn’t walk this quiet, so that only left the blue hedgehog she found herself lifting her head to look at. Lo and behold, she was right. Sonic was looking at Shadow, who didn’t seem to have moved since he had briefly woken up in the night.
“Is he doing any better?” Maddie gave him a smile.
“Yep. He’s breathing better, and the blue has almost faded; I think the night indoors helped a ton.” Sonic gave a sigh of relief, his classic grin starting to show.
“Okay. Tom is awake and will be heading down soon. I didn’t see Knuckles or Tails last night…do they not know?” Sonic rose an eyebrow at the end of his question. Maddie nodded. Sonic glanced towards the hatch.
“I still haven’t figured how to approach it. I mean, they don’t seem to really think to much of Shadow. The connection I felt most likely won’t be enough to convince them…” Sonic’s voice drifted off, and Maddie understood why. The connection had been to the Master Emerald’s power being split between them, and Sonic still harbored some guilt over having taken it. Knuckles had forgiven him, having stated it before, but guilt never fully left after forgiveness. Chances were he was concerned about how Knuckles would handle Shadow under their roof given they found him through a connection with the Master Emerald, which Sonic had taken. And there was an equally good chance Knuckles wouldn’t take this well.
-But Maddie could handle it. She was the mom, after all. A mom of three super-powered teenage aliens. She could handle it. Hopefully. Maybe. Possibly.
-She really needed to be more self-confident. Seriously.
-Sonic knelt down to better look at Shadow. Maddie was getting a bit concerned, since he still hadn’t woken up, but she didn’t want to stress Sonic out more than he already was. Should she say something about last night? He’d briefly woken up, but assumed he was dreaming; would silence be best here? Maybe.
-Sonic gently lifted his hand, placing it on top of Shadow’s. The cobalt hedgehog said nothing as he closed his eyes, but Maddie got the sense that, whatever it was that Sonic was doing, words weren’t needed. After a couple moments, Sonic got back to his feet, eyes hollow and body seemingly unsteady. Before Maddie could say a word though, he turned and quickly(but quietly) hurried off, to where she had no clue. Maddie heaved a sigh as Sonic slipped away, struggling to process all that had happened. She glanced back at the slash on Shadow’s chest, which still hadn’t left. The slash crossed through a little white tuft of fur on his chest, and, for some reason, Maddie couldn’t help but notice how that white fur somewhat resembled a heart. It was honestly adorable. Maddie shifted one of her hands out from under him, tentatively brushing where the gash crossed the white fur, but the instant her fingers touched him, Shadow’s face scrunched up a bit in his sleep. Maddie instantly lifted her hands, and, just like before, the tension dropped. What was it that made him react like that? She was currently holding him; why didn’t he react to that? Maybe it was the blanket. Did her particular touch bother him? If so, why? Maddie slipped her hand back under the sleeping hedgehog, trying to find the answers to her questions, but getting none.
- -*-
-Sonic quickly rushed down the hallway, barely making it to the bathroom and locking the door before his legs buckled, sending him crumpling to the bathroom floor. Again.
-He’d felt Shadow’s emotions again.
-And it hurt.
-The previous connections hadn’t hurt like this. The first time, he’d sensed Shadow was out there, catching a brief glimpse of his emotions, all while knowing he wasn’t catching the full picture; the second time, he’d felt Shadow’s location and that he didn’t have much time.
-Now though, he had felt the entirety of Shadow’s emotions; his turmoil, regret, guilt, desperation to escape from the voices in his head. But it was more than that. So much more than that.
-He had felt Shadow’s desire to die.
-If anyone had asked him on it, Sonic would’ve had no accurate way to describe it, no words that could entirely explain the sheer exhaustion of living that he had felt. While words may come later, in that moment, Sonic simply struggled not to cry at the heaviness he felt that wasn’t even his own, but from one like him; one who had suffered but instead blamed himself harder than humanely possible to verbally express. Sonic shut his eyes as he took a deep breath, his hands shaking from the sheer intensity of the emotion. When Sonic had first arrived at that base, he hadn’t thought of Shadow as someone in pain; he’d thought of him as someone with a strong fist and deep rage. Only time had proved him wrong, and if there had been any lingering suspicion on that idea, they were all gone, stripped away when he had first sensed Shadow out in the cave. The thought brought with it a sense of guilt; when he’d first talked to Tom, he hadn’t said anything that revealed his knowledge of who it was in the cave.
-But he had known.
-The image he had seen had been blurry, too fuzzy to make out the cave’s details that would’ve clued Sonic in; despite that, it had been clear enough that Sonic could make out the dark hedgehog. Sonic had refused to say anything on it out of fear of how Tom or Maddie might’ve taken it; that didn’t even include Knuckles and Tails. He had rushed out on his own, scouring everywhere, and found lots of caves, but never his own; for one reason or another, the entrance had eluded him. Assuming Shadow was somewhere else, Sonic had tried(and failed) to move on, though every-so-often hoped to someday find him.
-And then the second connection struck. The image had significantly cleared up, allowing him to clearly see all the stuff Sonic had first accumulated when he lived there. Sonic still hid the fact that he saw Shadow clearly in the image, desperation to find Shadow mixing with his fear that if he said who it was, they might hesitate. Now that he saw how Tom and Maddie handled it, he knew he should’ve known better; they wouldn’t have willingly left him like that. Even though he knew this, that fear hadn’t been entirely illogical; there were those on this planet that would’ve left Shadow there, or, even worse, taken advantage of him in that state. Sonic blinked a couple times to force Eggman or Rockwell’s faces out of his head. They didn’t matter now. He couldn’t let them now. He had to keep his head about him. He sat up against the bathroom door, legs crossed and hands planted against the floor, and shut his even tighter as he struggled to focus. He conjured a mental image of the Master Emerald, and then the separate Chaos Emeralds. He thought of all of them, and then focused on the red one. He imaged that Emerald changing shape and spreading, coloring otherwise black quills and fur, and then settling in to form two eyes filled with anger and determination. At this, he felt a bright white fill his mind, swallowing his thoughts until all he could see was the white; a blank slate that was everywhere. He found himself in the white; if he looked down, he could see himself standing on the white. He knelt and spread his right hand against it; his gloved hand blended in with it, and he lifted it back just to prove that he still had his hand, it blended in so well. He got to his feet and turned around; he couldn’t tell where he was, but he somehow knew this was part of the connection he and Shadow shared. The question was, was Sonic alone here? He had felt Shadow’s emotions earlier despite him being asleep, so would that still work here? He spun around again, picked a random direction, and began to walk. The issue with the pure white was that he had no way of knowing if he was moving at all; he could practically be on a treadmill, making no progress, and he wouldn’t know. He could be here for hours and never find-
-Wait. There.
-A speck of black, contrasting the white that filled the space.
-Sonic didn’t hesitate. He just ran. He ran like Shadow’s life depended on it, because, when Sonic thought of the emotions he had felt, it very well could be. Once Sonic arrived, he took in a series of deep breaths before sitting down just as he was back in the bathroom, never taking his eyes off the dark hedgehog that hadn’t moved. Shadow was in the same position he’d been in the cave; arms hugging his legs to his chest, his head lowered in the space between his chest and arms. All the injuries he had back in the house were here, though Sonic couldn’t bring himself to be concerned. Not here. Maddie was back home; she would know how to help with those; Sonic was the only one who could help with Shadow’s deepest pain. Sonic reached out to touch him, but his hand smacked something solid about two good inches away from Shadow’s leg; it was as if an invisible wall was around Shadow, cutting Sonic off. A small light struck his eyes, and for a brief moment, he could just barely make out the shimmering outline of a dome around Shadow; the black hedgehog was up against the back of it, keeping a distance from the front of it. The outline faded, leaving Sonic with only one answer and nothing but more questions. The..dome that surrounded him was seemingly impenetrable; keeping everyone else out and away.
-But was that how Shadow saw it? Exclusion…or protection?
-Sonic glanced up, trying to see the dome itself again, but it remained unseen. Sonic took a deep breath, and, instead of reaching for Shadow, he simply rested his hand on the dome, accepting it’s presence. The part of the dome Sonic was touching was two inches away from the hedgehog inside it, but Sonic’s hand gentle touch against the dome caused Shadow’s head to jolt up as if Sonic had smacked it. Upon seeing Sonic, terror filled Shadow’s blood-red eyes, his expression shifting to apprehension. Sonic felt the dome slowly shrink away from his hand; no. Not away from him. It was closing around Shadow, more tightly defending him from what he perceived as a threat. Sonic quickly lifted his hand away and placed it on his lap, trying to convey no desire to harm him. The terror in Shadow’s eyes didn’t abate, but Sonic could feel the dome stop closing around Shadow. In that moment, Sonic understood the purpose of the dome.
-Shadow believed himself to be alone, but was torn on whether it was something he truly wanted. Thus, the dome protected him; shielding him from all who tried to approach. It was connected to his emotions, which was why it had tightened when Shadow had first seen Sonic in the white that surrounded them; he had initially assumed Sonic to be a threat, hence the dome had shrunk to protect him. No-one could breech the dome because that would mean Shadow was vulnerable, leaving him open to any-one who wished him harm, something Shadow didn’t want or believed himself to handle.
-The only way to get in was through permission. Shadow had to trust him before Sonic was granted entry.
-That was going to be easier said than done. Sonic simply touching the dome’s surface had caused the dome to shrink, and Sonic didn’t know how much time he had. Shadow was watching him like Sonic was holding a dagger at the dome or something; how to prove he didn’t want to hurt him? Sonic took a deep breath and allowed himself to give Shadow a smile, even if it wasn’t returned.
“Hey, Shadow? I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m not going to try anything, okay? Can you hear me?” Sonic pointed to Shadow, lifted a hand to his own ear, then tapped his chest, just in case Shadow couldn’t hear him. Sonic couldn’t help but notice that instead of looking Sonic in the eye, Shadow’s eyes had tracked Sonic’s hands; but was that a precaution or a preference? On the surface level, it didn’t seem like much, but whatever he chose could make-or-break how this went. He had to be careful; sadly, that wasn’t in his field of expertise. Best to go with how Maddie would treat this and be safe, right? For now, best not to bring it up, but Sonic would assume a precaution until proven otherwise, just to be on the careful side(for once). Sonic blinked a couple times to refocus, then smacked his forehead.
“I completely forgot to mention; HI!!!!!!” Sonic waved like crazy, only to stop almost instantly at Shadow tensing when he did so. Whoops. So much for careful. Sonic bit his lip.
“Sorry about that; I get excited. None of us thought you survived the huge explosion, so I’m kindaaa excited about all this.” He gave an easy-going grin, but the moment Sonic mentioned the Eclipse Cannon explosion, Shadow’s eyes dropped down, shortly followed by his head. Great. How bad at this was he?! Couldn’t hurt to apologize to restart, right?
“Sorry. Are you…doing okay?” Sonic rose an eyebrow but made sure to keep his voice soft. Keeping his hands planted on his legs was harder than he thought, but he couldn’t over-emphasize here. Shadow slowly lifted his head, though immediately stopped when his eyes were visible over his arms. Shadow didn’t look Sonic in the eye, though Sonic could sense Shadow heard him. It was at that moment that Sonic understood why Shadow lifted his head, because it was in that moment that, for a brief moment, what Shadow was thinking transcribed itself in his own mind.
-Why are you worried about that?
-Any normal circumstance would have Sonic going nuts over the fact that he was reading someone else’s thoughts, but this wasn’t a normal circumstance; Shadow was clearly upset, Sonic was screwing this whole thing up big time, and on top of all that, Shadow couldn’t understand Sonic’s concern over his well-being; such a concept was foreign to Shadow, not to mention wasn’t mutual. The realization of just how important this conversation was hit Sonic with the weight of an anvil, though he couldn’t help but note that this wasn’t the heaviest thing he had felt from their shared connection.
-Not even close.
-Sonic bit his lip as he focused on answering Shadow’s question.
“Because I care about you, that’s why! You’re important to me, ‘case ya didn’t know that.” Sonic tried to smile, but it felt fake and far too unnatural. Shadow flicked his gaze up to look Sonic in the eye for a moment, but it quickly dropped, and he hugged his legs closer to his chest. The dome didn’t react, much to Sonic’s relief, but that quickly faded when Shadow’s thoughts hit his brain.
-…Why?
-Sonic felt as if he had been gut-punched; Shadow didn’t understand why he was important to Sonic, and there was a good chance he felt the same regarding other people; maybe to anyone. Sonic looked away for a moment to compose himself before looking at Shadow again.
“Well, you’re my friend!” Shadow blinked in surprise, his gaze darting up at Sonic in disbelief.
-How can you say that? I almost killed everyone you care about , not to mention…
-Sonic waited for the end of the thought, but it didn’t come. When Shadow dropped his head down again, Sonic understood why it was incomplete. Shadow was hesitant to finish what he was thinking; he seemed to want to, but wasn’t sure if he should. Sonic could imagine whatever that missing piece was as a door, swinging on its hinges, unsure if it should be locked tight or open wide. Well, Sonic was willing to be a doorstop.
“‘Not to mention’ what?” Shadow didn’t lift his head, but Sonic could sense he was heard when Shadow tensed at the question. Sonic’s ears suddenly stood up, seeming to be picking up a sound his brain wasn’t aware of. Sonic shut his eyes and tried to catch it. His ears were facing Shadow, so what could it be? Sonic opened his eyes and noticed Shadow was shaking as he hugged himself; but it didn’t seem like he was cold; there wasn’t any wind, and it didn’t feel cold to him. What was it? Sonic closed his eyes again and struggled to reach inside of himself; to the chaos energy inside of him, the power he and Shadow shared that gave them this connection. No words were spoken, but he felt his thoughts were heard; a silent plea to understand. Sonic blinked his surroundings into focus, and that’s when his brain caught onto what his ears heard. Once he realized it, it brought an ache to his heart.
-Shadow was crying.
-Whatever it was that Shadow hadn’t allowed Sonic to hear, it was clearly a deep-seated guilt he carried; and a heavy one to boot. Sonic rested his hand against the dome again, but this time his touch didn’t cause any reaction. Sonic could only assume the first time was because Shadow had assumed he was alone here. Regardless, his touch wasn’t an intrusion this time, but at the same time, it wasn’t entirely welcome. Shadow may not have given a negative reaction, but then again, he hadn’t reacted at all. Sonic could only hope it was accepted as he struggled to understand the weight Shadow thought himself forced to carry. After a few more moments of silence, Sonic couldn’t keep quiet anymore. Something was clearly bothering him, and Sonic had a feeling it had to do with his survival; he also sensed he couldn’t dance around it.
“How are you…feeling, about surviving the explosion and everything?” The question caused Shadow to lift his head, and Sonic could see tear-stains on his face. Shadow’s expression didn’t drastically shift, but it seemed gradual; from surprise to…pain…from something he believed in. Something that he thought to be true with all his heart and soul, but hurt him to believe as true. And it was only then he spoke.
“W-what do you mean? I-i..I shouldn’t have s-survived at all. I d-didn’t even w-want t-to.” The dome’s outline shimmered for a brief moment, but Sonic couldn’t ponder it as Shadow’s words drove a dagger into his heart. Shadow hadn’t wanted to survive. He’d been willing to sacrifice himself all while hoping that this would be what finally ended him. Sonic shifted, his hands interlocking before he spoke himself.
“If I can ask…why did you not want to survive?” Sonic tried to keep his voice neutral, but even he could hear a slight shake in it. Wonderful. Shadow gave no sign he noticed, instead looking away as he remained silent. After a moment, Sonic could hear Shadow’s voice-his thoughts-in his head.
-Why do you even need to ask that? Everyone you care for was almost murdered because of me , and because of me, someone you did care for is dead . And it’s my fault .
-Sonic furrowed his brow. Shadow had been in stasis when he lost Longclaw, so that wasn’t it. He certainly hadn’t cared for either of the Ro-butt-niks, Knuckles and Tails were fine, he never met Maddie…Oh.
-Oh.
“Do you…mean Tom?” Sonic separated his hands, planting them on his legs. Shadow didn’t look Sonic in the eye, instead dropping his head. But the guilt Sonic saw in Shadow’s eyes for a brief second was answer enough. And in that instant, it made sense.
-Shadow only met Tom once, and when he had, Tom had been disguised as Commander Walters. Once Tom was unconscious and revealed to not be Walters, Sonic had been begging Tom to get up, all while receiving no response. Shadow never saw Tom after he teleported away; with this, it would’ve been easy, perhaps even logical in Shadow’s eyes, to assume Tom for dead. Sonic shook his head, allowing a smile to grow.
“Shadow, you didn’t kill him; he’s one very happy Donut Lord and an even happier dad.” Sonic’s smile grew as he spoke, but it faded when Shadow lifted his head, eyes sparkling with disbelief. Shadow couldn’t wrap his head around that, much less believe it. For a moment, the white all around them began to fade before returning, but in that moment, Sonic knew their thoughts were aligning; Shadow was waking up, and once he did, the connection here would end.
-Sonic was out of time.
“I know it may seem crazy, but it’s true!” Sonic extended his hand out to Shadow, gently pressing it against the surface of the dome.
“Once you wake up, you’ll see I’m telling you the truth! You said you didn’t want to survive…” Sonic swallowed once he finished that word, feeling as if he had spoken verbal poison.
“…But it doesn’t have to be that way; we can help, if you’ll just let us in.” Sonic gave what he found to be a genuine, hopeful smile. The white began to fade, piece by piece all around them. Shadow was waking up. Sonic felt his heart lift when the look in Shadow’s eyes shifted from disbelief to, for a split second, hope.
-And then it was gone; even faster than it had shown.
-Shadow dropped his gaze, shaking his head before he hugged himself tighter, dropping his head as his thoughts filled Sonic’s mind.
-I can’t. I’m…I’m sorry.
-Sonic felt a tug on his waist, but when he glanced down, there was nothing. He lifted his gaze, only to see Shadow was gone. Before he could process it, the tug grew stronger, and before he could do anything else, Sonic suddenly found himself back in the bathroom on the floor. He blinked a couple times, trying to take in his surroundings as his mind replayed their discussion. Had he failed? Could he have done better? Well, yea, he could’ve, but where?
-Why did Shadow wish he hadn’t survived?
-Sonic shook his head. He had to get moving. Shadow was waking up; Sonic had to be there. Sonic got to his feet, flinging the door open and rushing over, desperate to get there on time-
-Only to smack face-first into a brick-red wall.
-Correction. A brick-red echidna.
-An echidna who was looking down at Shadow, eyes ablaze.