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Stede was bricking it, to be quite honest with you.
He’d decided tonight was going to be the night. The night he actually told Ed how he feels about him.
If he didn’t chicken out that is.
They’d met about a year ago through Lucius and Fang, when they had started seeing each other. A birthday party for Lucius introduced the pair of them and they’d spent the entire night chatting about nothing and everything all at once. They had especially bonded when Ed had noticed the Tardis pin on Stede’s rucksack, exclaiming ‘mate no way you’re a Doctor Who fan!” Ed had pulled up the sleeve of his shirt slightly to reveal the small Gallifreyan symbol for Time tattooed on his forearm.
They both discussed the fact that neither of them really had any other Whovian friends and they launched into all their opinions on the show quickly They lamented that Ncuti Gatwa had gone too soon and that people didn’t give Peter Capaldi enough of a chance because some of his episodes are the best Doctor Who has ever been. They went back and forth on the merits of Classic vs Modern Who, both of them tending to lean more towards Modern as it was where they’d fallen in love with the show, but Stede admitted he had a soft spot for the Third Doctor and his fabulous outfits whereas Ed loved the Seventh.
It wasn’t just their shared fandom, Stede had never felt quite so comfortable with someone so quick. Ed was charming and intelligent and funny, not to mention the fact he is also so incredibly handsome that Stede kinda just wants to look at him and sigh dreamily all day long.
They exchanged numbers that night and they had talked pretty much every day since, their friendship blooming. Stede wasn’t entirely sure how he’d got this far in life without Ed to be honest, he had truly never felt such a connection with anyone before and he realised quickly he was falling in love with him.
They’d agreed to start a rewatch of NuWho together, sometimes in the same room, sometimes over FaceTime if they were in their own homes.
They had made it to Stede’s favourite episode tonight - The Husbands of River Song. He’d insisted Ed come round to watch it. Not just because it was Stede’s favourite but since he’d met Ed an infamous line from the episode had not left Stede’s head.
When you love the Doctor, it's like loving the stars themselves. You don't expect a sunset to admire you back.
That was how he felt about Ed. Ed was captivating and he was gorgeous and he was passionate and he was so effortlessly charming that people liked him instantly. Stede had seen the baristas who served him in coffee shops staring after him a beat too long with a small smile on their face, the heads that turned in the street to admire him, even the way his oldest friend Izzy looked at him sometimes.
You didn’t expect Ed to admire you back either and Stede truthfully had no idea how this conversation was going to go, if he was brave enough to go through with it. The hopeless crush was beginning to become all consuming and he just knew he had to say something.
His fingers traced the blue leather-bound notebook, indents like a certain police box they both loved where he’d laid it all out for Ed. Notes and mementos from their friendship, pictures they’d taken and receipts from museum gift shops and restaurants and adventures they’d been on, telling him how much he valued their friendship, especially as they were coming up to knowing each other a year.
But he also had written a letter of sorts on the last page, telling him how he felt and whether he might like to go on a date. He knew it was cringey and potentially embarrassing but he often stumbled with his words and this way, it felt easier. Ed was gracious, he wouldn’t let Stede feel embarrassed about it even when he admits he doesn’t feel the same way.
Or it could be the worst idea he’s ever had and Ed will leave him alone in his flat forever. Maybe he’ll just stay in silence pining for longer.
There was a knock at the door. Stede inhaled deeply and took a final look at the notebook. It was a stupid idea, he only ever has stupid ideas. He shoved it quickly behind the cushion on the sofa next to him and went to answer.
~
“Hey man,” Ed said cheerily when Stede opened the door.
“Hi!” Stede replied with that gorgeous megawatt smile of his, holding his arms up. He looked a little flushed, Ed thought briefly before stepping into the warm embrace of his best friend (and the man he’s been crushing on ever since he set eyes on him). Arms was a repeating thought he had whenever Stede hugged him.
“I brought snacks!” Ed said enthusiastically, once he had been released from the hug, holding up a carrier bag full of popcorn, chocolate and a peach and berry fruit salad in a Tupperware he’d prepared at home.
“Perfect!” Stede said, gesturing for Ed to come inside. “Tea?” he asked.
“Please mate.”
“You go get the TV set up, I’ll make a pot and bring the sugar bowl for you,” Stede replied with a soft chuckle.
“I’m looking forward to this one, I know it’s July but who says you can’t watch Christmas episodes in summer,” Ed said, sitting down on Stede’s comfy teal velvet couch, flicking the TV on. It hit him how domestic they already were sometimes. He had craved that feeling his whole life, that domesticity and comfort that came from being at home with your favourite person. Every moment he spent with Stede began to fill that craving but he wanted more.
He just hadn’t quite worked out how to tell him. He wasn’t sure if he should tell him. The risk of losing his best friend was too much to bear.
They settled in, snuggling into their respective sides of the sofa, the snacks laid out and tea brewing in front of them. Ed glanced over at Stede for a moment before he hit play, just to look at his profile. All soft and sweet but with bone structure that could kill. (Or at the very least, deserved a thousand kisses from Ed upon it)
Ed had fancied Stede instantly upon seeing him at that birthday party a year ago but he’d fallen in love with his kind soul as they got to know each other, a shared love of Doctor Who only aiding their friendship. It hadn’t been long into them talking for things to get deep. Ed told Stede how he viewed the world and how awful it had been with his Dad more than he had anyone else. He trusted Stede so implicitly, he made Ed’s heart feel safe.
The episode started and they made their way through it, giggling at King Hydroflax’s antics - you couldn’t not giggle when it’s literally Greg Davies, the Taskmaster himself playing him.
‘If either of you use my name again I will remove your organs in alphabetical order.’
‘Which alphabet?’
“He’s so smitten with her,” Stede mused dreamily at that moment.
“Mate, I’m into dudes and yet Alex Kingston can threaten to remove my organs any day, is it any wonder The Doctor is smitten,” Ed laughed.
They’ve both seen this episode so many times before but even then, it didn’t stop them both gasping with awe when the Twelfth Doctor reveals himself to River right after she’s said that the Doctor doesn’t love her enough to be there.
As 12 and River flirt and make an escape in the nick of time, they watch raptured, the odd comments slipping out about how they fit so well together, that it makes sense 12 was her ‘Doctor’ all along.
“You just can’t deny Peter and Alex’s chemistry can you?” Stede said and Ed eagerly agreed.
They finally get to the end scene and Ed hears Stede’s breath hitch for a moment, when River pulls out her notebook, telling the Doctor she’s running out of space. The moment the Doctor finally confirms to River it is their last night.
How long is a night on Darillium?
Twenty four years
Ed and Stede both say that line along with the Doctor, both smiling, tears pricking Stede’s eyes.
“I love that they finally got their time together in peace,” Ed says wistfully as the end card of they both lived happily popped up onto the screen.
“They deserved it,” Stede said wistfully. “They had waited a long time, never meeting in the right order until then. When they both needed it.”
Ed couldn’t be sure but he felt Stede’s eyes land on him, as if studying him. He looked over but Stede glanced away quickly.
“I’m er… I’m going to the loo. Be back in a minute,” Stede said suddenly, standing up and walking away.
“You alright?” Ed called after him, frowning.
“I’m fine!” Stede replied, the bathroom door down the hall closing.
Ed was about to make himself useful and tidy up their mugs and their dishes when he saw the edge of something under the sofa cushion, where it had dislodged when Stede had stood abruptly.
He narrowed his eyes and leant over to pull it out. A Tardis blue leather-bound notebook, just like River’s. He smiled to himself, of course Stede would have something like this.
He turns it over to look at the back but as he does so, a scrap of paper falls out. He picks it up with the intent to put it back in before realising it’s not just a scrap of paper. It’s a pressed flower, a small purple violet. Ed had picked them once, bringing them to Stede because he liked flowers and he wanted to make Stede happy, that was increasingly all he wanted to do actually.
He’d kept it. Something that Ed had given him was so precious that he’d gone to the lengths of preserving it. Ed’s heart beat started to pick up.
Ed glanced down the hall to check Stede wasn’t coming back. He knew he shouldn’t look, this was Stede, his best friend’s private property, but it seemed … as if it was calling him somehow.
He flicked open the pages, seeing notes and snippets of their friendship. Photos and moments that he had been replaying in his own head for months, that Stede had felt strongly enough about to put onto paper.
Stede liked him too, he couldn’t believe it! He felt so strongly about it that he went to this much effort to try and tell Ed. He flicked through, his eyes darting over pages grinning fondly, until there was a handwritten note on the final page. His heart fluttered as he read through.
Dearest Ed,
If you’re reading this then I have been brave enough to give you this and we’ve just watched The Husbands of River Song.
Lots of things have bonded us over the last year, the Whoniverse being our catalyst but never would I have expected for the universe to bring me you.
Thank you for seeing me, being my friend, being the person I can go through life with and have as my support system. Getting to know you has been the most fun I have ever had
But I have to let you know….
You’re like the stars to me too.
I -”
“Oh my god,” Stede said, standing still in the doorway from the hall, his face red and flushed with embarrassment.
Ed slammed the notebook shut, knowing he’d been caught.
“Ed … I’m sorry. I really am. It’s so cringey and I don’t know what I was thinking, I was going to hide it from you and maybe just ask you out like a normal person but I don’t even know if you’d say yes and just… you can go if you want. We don’t have to speak of this. We don’t have to speak again if you don’t want to.” Stede hung his head and avoided eye contact.
Ed smiled and stood up, standing directly in front of Stede. He still held the notebook in one hand and with the other, he reached out to tip Stede’s head up by his chin to look at him. Stede’s hazel eyes were tearing up but he softened as he met Ed’s gaze.
“You wrote me a lovely letter. But I didn’t get to finish it,” he said in a low voice. “You want to tell me how it ends?” he asked, with an eyebrow raised.
Stede searched his face intently, looking for doubt or if Ed is playing a cruel joke, the typical Bonnet insecurities Ed had tried to combat with words of kindness and compliments over the course of their friendship. Anything to get Stede to see he was so completely lovable and everything Ed had ever wanted.
Ed kept the small grin on his face, knowing that all Stede would see is hope and earnestness from him.
Ed loved him so much.
After a few moments of silence, Stede finally seemed to relax, a smile turning up the corner of his mouth. “Spoilers,” he said quietly, with a smirk.
Neither seemed to initiate it, it was pure instinct, they just leaned in at the same time, perfectly aligned and Stede’s lips were on Ed’s and he wanted to melt into a puddle on the floor. Except he didn’t because then he wouldn’t get to kiss Stede. He stepped closer, his arms snaking around Stede’s neck and Stede’s hands landed on Ed’s waist, their lips alighted against each other and the kiss deepened just a fraction. It was everything.
They pulled back a little when breathing became a necessity once more, but they stayed in each other’s arms.
Ed exhaled contentedly, and leant his forehead against Stede’s. “Hello sweetie,” he whispered with a crooked grin, knowing it would make Stede chuckle.
Stede let out a short bark of laughter, one of his hands snaking its way up Ed’s body to hold his face, keeping him close.
Like Ed was ever going to go anywhere ever again.
“Hello sweetie to you too,” Stede replied breathlessly before leaning in again.
And they also lived happily ever after.
Ever after.
Happily.