Chapter Text
The last thing I feel is my arms aching and straining, clinging to her with all of the will I have left. A searing, ripping pain pushes its way through my body, and everything fades from there.
Huh.
I’ve thought about my death my entire life. I could never pick a sensation to get attached to, to know I could escape to. I didn’t deserve paradise, but my brain and skin felt worse than any torment anybody could guilt me with. Somehow, this is better. Better than all of these ideas.
I never thought emptiness would feel this nice. I never thought I could feel so…
Hm…
I’m not exactly happy, but I’m not crushed either. There’s… nothing. There’s nothing to feel, nothing to care about, nothing to lose. Nothing to see, nowhere to go. No reason to worry or stress. No one to let down or impress. After all, there’s nothing for me to do to anybody anymore anyways. I’ve fought as hard as I can. There’s nothing to redeem and nothing to celebrate.
Just comforting endlessness…
…
…until a voice assaults me back into thought.
“INTERESTING. VERY, VERY INTERESTING.”
…what the shit??
“YOU DID EVERYTHING AS EXPECTED. NO RECORDED ERRORS. WHAT A FUN EXPERIMENT.”
???
“I AM PROUD OF YOU, BUT I WONDER IF THERE IS ANOTHER POSSIBLE OUTCOME.”
????????????????????????????
I can’t see or touch or smell or taste. All I know anymore is this voice. I only have vague imagery of a tight hug with a purple lizard monster… purple lizard monster, with an axe. A hug..?
Somehow the voice can tell I’m struggling with this.
“UNUSUAL. LET ME SHOW YOU OF THE FINAL ACTS OF THE KNIGHT AND THE DRAGON.”
Show me?? I have no body. I have no mouth with which to respond. No eyes with which to see.
But something in my soul stirs…
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…fading from the darkness is a different voice, one filled with rage and DETERMINATION. She’s panting, exhausted.
”IS THAT ALL YOU GOT????”
Susie’s face comes back to me and so do the rest of the sights and sounds of those final moments. We were surrounded by statues and corpses… I felt a pang of grief but I didn’t have the luxury of mourning. We had been battling an onslaught of towering, unthinking beings with wings for hair and bright lights for faces. I was covered in sweat and blood. I saw more blood highlighting her pink hair like a sloppy dye job and her long face was dripping wet, glistening in the light this thing cast.
The thing responded by closing its hair around its face, snuffing out its light for now.
No more sights, but still too much. The air was dark and thick, and the smells of blood and smoke assaulted my nose. My ears rang from the sound of screams, but they had faded out by now. My body ached and strained to stay upright.
Shit, shit shit SHIT!!! They’re all gone they’re all gone… Every darkener I had created and every friend I ever had was gone. The other human, Noelle, Berdly, Catti, Jockington, Carol, my mom, my dad, Asriel… And still there was no Dess. NO FUCKING DESS. The dark worlds were supposed to help us find her!! They were supposed to make things right!! I was supposed to make things right!! If I had known that I would just make another life threatening mistake I would’ve… I would’ve…
I collapsed and burst into screaming tears. There’s no point in hypotheticals, I’ve fucked up way too hard to entertain anything other than this twisted reality I've caused. I panted and yelled and beat my chest like that would fix anything. Because I know how the prophecy goes and somehow me and Susie fucking broke it. All of the heroes are dead. This is it.
After running out of breath I noticed Susie’s own cries had been blending with mine. It was still dark, the thing was still recharging, but it had been dormant too long to get cozy.
“…it’s over…” I wheezed out. “Susie it’s over, there’s nothing we can do here…”
Her roar vibrated through me.
Nothing else to say there. I was awestruck that we were here, giving up together. From victim and tormentor to the Knight and the Dragon… if only anyone else was around to appreciate how weird that sounds…
“DAMNIT KRIS, I KNOW!!!!” She bellowed, her angry eyes becoming the only source of light. I heard a thud as she fell to her knees. “...I know. I know, everybody’s gone. Why didn’t you tell me anything.”
“..huh?”
“Why. Didn’t. You. Tell. Me. You think I’m too stupid to handle the truth? The prophecy? That you’re the one behind it all? That you and the mayor wanted to doom the fucking world to find one fucking girl-”
Susie’s rage cut my heart open.
“I… I… …please, please… Susie please believe-”
“BELIEVE WHAT??”
Next thing I knew she had tackled me further into the ground than I knew I could sink. My tunic was balled into her fists as her hot breath enveloped me, and just like always, I went slack. I gave in to her threat, despite knowing her teeth really would tear my face from my skull this time.
The light of the thing’s face illuminates her teeth and jaw for a split second before she backs away and turns toward it.
“...damnit.”
She dropped me.
“...look, this is gonna sound insane, but…”
She looked me in the eyes. Her mask of rage had completely lowered, for there was no more audience to perform for. Tears welled up in her eyes.
“...can you… can you hold me?”
…huh?
“...I know we both don’t deserve it but… I’m scared, Kris. I’m so-” she choked. “I’m so fucking scared..”
Maybe this is how I redeem myself, in some small way.
I rise up and wrap her in a hug. Everything hurts, but her grip is strong enough to numb the aches. A searing, ripping pain pushes through us…
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And then I’m back in the nothingness.
If I had a chest to feel with and eyes to cry with I’m sure I’d be choked up, but even though I know everybody involved in that memory I can’t help but feel like I’m watching a play. Still, my soul stirs.
“VERY INTERESTING… YOU APPEAR UNATTACHED.”
I mean, I guess so.
“IN THE INTEREST OF THIS NEXT EXPERIMENT, I HAVE AN OFFER FOR YOU.”
…huh?
“I DO NOT LIKE THIS STORY’S END. THIS IS NOT A SATISFYING OUTCOME. BUT WE COULD CHANGE IT, YOU AND I. I HAVE MADE CONTACT WITH A VERY SPECIAL SOMEONE. THEY WON’T LIKE THIS END EITHER. DO YOU?”
No. I’m surprised at my conviction, but no.
“INTERESTING. MY STRANGE, STRANGE HYPOTHESIS IS MADE POSITIVE.”
What??
“DIGEST THIS POSSIBILITY. I WILL REACH YOU WHEN YOUR CONCLUSIONS ARE REQUIRED.”
What the fuck does that mean…?
And then the voice is gone. Back to silence. If I could think or strategize I still would have no idea what the fuck to do with all of this information. It’s really fucking weird, but I guess I do remember how to feel. After this flashback, the only thing cutting through the nothingness is conviction. Stubbornness. Will.
DETERMINATION.
I need to see something else. I need a different flashback. I need to start over. Why?? Fuck knows!!
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I guess the voice notices this because suddenly I’m faced with a gray human. An amorphous entity is whispering in its ear and playing with its clothes and hair. If I’m a step away from nothingness, the gray one is practically a husk.
Seeing this, I am called into action. Suddenly I have a voice. Suddenly I can mould this darkness. Whoever this husk is supposed to be does not matter. I understand the voice’s offer now. There is only one person who can make this right. And whoever whispers into this husk does not need them to help me on my quest.
“THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME. YOUR ANSWERS. YOUR WONDERFUL CREATION-”
But I know exactly how they can help me.
“Will now be discarded. No one can choose who they are in this world.
Your name is…”