Chapter Text
Eddie’s year leading up to his thirteenth birthday was not the best. Sure, he had the Losers club who were all fiercely loyal and tons of fun to be around, but there’s only so much of the good times with them that could even begin to outweigh the terrible he experienced at Derry Middle School. Constant harassment and bullying from Henry and his goons created quite the toxic learning environment.
Often, he would catch himself daydreaming of something horrific happening to his tormentors. A nightmare monster eating them whole, a terrifying alien being descending upon the town in the night, or just simply that they would go missing in an unmarked black van. He never let himself get too carried away with those thoughts. It wasn’t good for his blood pressure to get so worked up over people so stupid.
“You constipated again Eddie?” A monotone voice broke through his thoughts. Blinking he turned over to his left to face Stan who was gathering his notebooks and pencil case.
“What?? No!” Eddie grumbled back to the taller boy as he stood up to collect his own belongings. “I was just thinking about how I wish that Bowers would go missing so we could leave school in peace for once.”
“Ah, I see. You were plotting so hard you were going to pop a vessel.” Stan nodded as they walked down the halls to their lockers.
Out of all the Losers, Stan was the only one who had his locker the closest to Eddie’s. It was nice to be able to talk to him between classes. The rest of their group were a lot more spread out across the school. It wasn’t like he never saw his friends during the school day despite their different schedules. They usually met up at the back of the school near the softball backstop at lunch break. Never daring to be seen in the cafeteria at the risk of another Richie Tozier food fight incident happening again. Mr. Hodgins never quite forgave Richie for getting the slimy mashed potatoes on his woven leather shoes. He had never seen Richie so flustered and embarrassed.
As Eddie grabbed his packed lunch, he and Stan made their way to the back field. Most of the Losers were already there, chatting away as they unpacked their own lunches.
“HEY EDS!” A voice yelled as a pair of hands gripped his shoulders almost knocking Eddie over. Richie hung off Eddie and swung him around as they stumbled to the wooden bleachers. Touchy as always was the way that Richie made his presence known.
“Ugh, you’re going to dislocate my shoulder one of these days.” He glared at Richie as he was released from his grip.
“Aw come on Eds, a little human contact will keep you from turning you into the angoraphobic freak your mom wants you to be.” Richie stuck his tough out at him. A hint of bright red dye staining its shiny surface. Razzle red. A sweet treat that they both loved with its odd, chewy glory.
“It’s not angora-phobic, it’s agoraphobic you idiot.” Eddie rolled his eyes as Richie sprinted ahead, completely ignoring the correction. They approached the group, and Eddie took his usual spot on one of the lower bleacher seats. He settled into the conversations that had Ben and Bill incredibly focused.
“Happy Birthday Eddie!!” Mike said brightly as he held out a small package wrapped in tin foil.
“You didn’t have yo give my anything at school. There’s still a party later today you know…” Eddie smiled shyly as he took the bundle, opening it to reveal a crumpled piece of cake.
“Eh, it’s just something I made in Home Ec. No biggie!” The other boy smiled, his deep dimples creasing his cheeks.
“Hey, E-Eddie? What time is your party today again?” Bill asked as he finished chewing a bite of his sandwich.
“It’s not really a party… I just invited you guys and a few of my other homeroom friends. It will be starting around 4:30. Well, 5 o’clock for Richie…” He answered picking at the edge of the coffee cake as he shot a glare over to his left.
The lunch break went by incredibly quick as they all chatted with each other. When the warning bell rang, they broke away from their meeting spot and headed back to the school building. Richie jogged to catch up with Eddie. He bumped into the shorted boy softly with his arm. It always made Eddie feel a lot safer and more secure walking with one of his close friends by his side.
“You excited for my surprise for you party?” Richie asked, tucking his hands in his pockets as he matched his strides with Eddie. Facing the other, Eddie raised an eyebrow at the question.
“Yeah, any indication that I am getting older so I can leave this horrible town is something to celebrate. I can’t wait to be thirty and far away from here. Living in my own apartment, making my own rules. Why? Do you have something crazy planned? The way you asked sounds so suspicious. I don’t even want to know what you have up your sleeve…” He huffed a little laugh before facing forward again. In the corner of his eye, he almost saw a little disappointment in Richie’s body language. Like he figured him out. Richie is always a bit squirrelly and anxious so it could be just a trick of his mind, but Eddie liked when Richie got that way. It always meant that whatever he was anxious about was important to him. He got a weird feeling in his stomach at the thought of Richie having a special surprise for him. Eddie’s mind whirled with what it could be. The logical part of him knew that it was something cheap that Richie could afford with his little allowance he got from his parents for chores. But maybe…
“I’ll see you at 4:30, Rich?” He asked to which Richie just smiled and nodded before saluting and turning to head to his last class.
Eddie was nothing is not a bundle of nerves for his little soiree. Getting his mom to agree to the party in the first place was a feat in itself. Being able to make it a girl-boy party was an even bigger argument. A boy-girl party at your age is far to grown up for you Eddie-bear! I don’t want any of those Derry girls to take you away from me. Especially that little red-headed one that follows you around. You can’t expect me to leave you alone in the house with naughty ones like that. I am staying up here and you can have the party down in the basement so I can keep an eye on you. That’s final.
He cringed at the thought of his homeroom classmates seeing his home and who he shared it with. But the separation of the basement from the rest of his house was a bit of a comfort. Hopefully the party would be undisturbed for the most part. He made sure that they had everything they needed down in the basement: decorations, snacks, drinks and a small stereo that he could play some tapes from. Everything was very neat and organized. Waiting for his guests had him rearranging the entire setup at least three times before he gave up and sat patiently on the sofa that sat in the centre of the room. His hands were sweaty, and the collar of his blue polo shirt felt tight. Loosening a button only did so much to relieve the sensation of the polyester on his neck.
Ding. Dong.
The sound of the doorbell rung faintly down the steps. He practically leaped out of his seat to scramble up the steps to beat his mother to the door.
“I got it Ma!!” He squeaked as he smoothed his hair out before reaching for the door handle. He was met with the first of his guests who consisted of Bill, Stan, Mike and Bev. They all grinned before shuffling in, gifts in hand. Eddie quickly ushered them down into the basement and started the first tape in his collection. Before he could even settle in with the group another ring came from the door.
Ben was there greeting him with a smile; his mom stood at the end of the walkway in front of the house. She waved at Ben and blew a kiss towards him as she left. Eddie snickered as he watched Ben reciprocate the gesture before allowing him to step into the safety of his home.
Not long after that the handful of other classmates also arrived at the party. Although Eddie could hardly enjoy it as he was stressing to keep everyone entertained. He paced around, making sure all his guests had what they needed.
“Hey, where’s Richie?” He asked Bill, crumpling the napkin in his hands nervously. He glanced over at the group of girls from his home room as they chatted amongst themselves.
“Ummm, I don’t know Eddie. I saw his bike in front of his garage on the way here. You know him, when is he ever on time for anything?” He reassured him.
“Hey Eddie? Why don’t we play some games? I got a good one.” Greta said from the other side of the room. A chorus of others agreed as their attention was pointed to the birthday boy. Embarrassment prickled up his back from all the eyes staring at him.
“Sure Greta, what do you have in mind?” He asked nervously, looking at the Losers for guidance. He was met with a mixture of disgusted and uninterested looks at the suggestion from Greta Keene. Beverly not making the slightest attempt to hide her expression. It made Eddie feel a bit guilty inviting Greta. He wasn’t her biggest fan with everything she had said about Bev. Circulating gross rumors about what she was doing with older boys in the school. All of what was untrue, the Losers all knew and tried their best to help stomp out. Eddie himself spent a lot of his bathroom visits scribbling out terrible things other boys had graffitied on the stall walls.
The trouble of inviting Greta had only been to gain the favour of the other girls in his homeroom: Amber, Stacy and Monique. Eddie had a little crush on Amber. Her short curly black hair and blue eyes was cute to him. Once she came to school wearing a pair of new glasses that framed her slim, angular face and Eddie caught himself staring more often than he wished.
“Who wants to play 7 Minutes in Heaven? Amber, get that bottle from the table.” She smirked through the open mouth chewing of her gum. Everyone gathered around the bottle on the ground, forming a large circle. Bev sat out of the game in favour of watching them all play, claiming that there was no room for her. “Well, birthday boy should go first. Right?” Greta pushed the empty bottle over towards Eddie. His face flushed a bit as he took the bottle in hand and spun it clumsily. It only moved a little before halting in front of the dark-haired girl who sat a few seats away from Eddie in his homeroom.
“Ooooooh!” everyone cooed in unison. Eddie looked Amber and she smiled shyly. He stood up and clenched his fists as an uncomfortable feeling nestled in the pit of his stomach.
“Here Eddie, put this blindfold on and wait in that closet. We have to get Amber ready first.” Greta urged as she grabbed her friend by her arm after handing a satin necktie over. His better judgement told him not to do it. But the pressure from so many people’s eyes pushed him to slowly move towards the closet. Opening the closet door he looked back one more time to see the girls giggling and turning their backs to him.
In the darkness of the small room, he tied the blindfold lightly around his eyes. He could hear shuffling and muffled voices before the closet door opened. Gulping he waited patiently before reached his hands out to find his awareness of the space. He could feel the air shift as someone sat down in front of him and took his hands into theirs, intertwining them. The cold fingertips sliding against his sweaty palms.
“Sorry my hands are a little sweaty. I’m kind of nervous… Are you there, Amber?” He whispered nervously as he leaned forward hesitantly. The hands stiffened in his own.
“What are you talking about Eddie? It’s me, Richie.” The voice made Eddie’s blood run cold. His body instinctually pulling back out of the other person’s space. Pulling the blindfold from his eyes he was met with Richie’s confused face in the darkness of the closet space. His face burned as he tore his hands from Richie’s grasp.
“Richie??? What are you doing in here????” He practically shrieked. He hopped up from the ground and pushed his way out of the closet, moving around Richie. Glancing around the room he searched for Amber or any of the other guests of his party. They had all left, the only people left were the Losers who were already in the middle of moving towards the commotion. Eddie felt sick. He was just a joke once again. His one chance to have his first kiss with a girl foiled by Greta and Richie. It was just a stupid joke.
“Eddie wait, it was just a joke man!” Richie called out as he placed one hand on Eddie’s rapidly rising shoulder. He felt the raggedness of his breath rise and fall quickly and the room shift around him. Richie’s hand gripping his shoulder sent him over the edge.
“Don’t touch me! God, Richie why did you do that!! Everything is just some stupid joke to you. I can’t have anything normal.” He gasped as he roughly shoved Richie away.
“Whoa, Eddie calm down!” Ben said standing beside Richie.
“You’re all just losers! I don’t want to be a loser anymore!! I’m sick of being bullied and teased by everyone! Just go home! Party’s over.” Tears started to burn his eyes. His lips quivered as he fought to keep the lump in his throat down, the humiliation tearing through him. He felt more like a freak than ever before. No comfort from the presence of his friends could calm the inferno of self-hatred roaring inside him.
“Eddie…” Beverly tried to comfort him as he took a step forward. Eddie just moved away, eyeing the open closet door. The only sanctuary that was available. No way he was going to run upstairs to his mommy and sentence himself to hours of house arrest. He rushed for the closet door, away from the burn of embarrassment he felt and from the prying eyes of his friends. Pulling the door shut he locked it gripping the handle tightly. His grip slipping from the moisture of his nervous hands causing him to lose the hold he had on it as he backed to the far wall of the small room.
“Eds- Eddie! Open up and let us talk to you!” Richie said as he rattled the doors to open them.
“GO AWAY! I HATE YOU! I HATE ME! I HATE EVERYBODY!!” Eddie screamed as he shut his eyes tightly.
“Eddie?! What are you talking about?” Richie pleaded.
“I don’t want to be a Loser anymore! I want to be a grownup. I want to be thirty! I want to be thirty, far away from here and thriving!!” Hugging his knees, Eddie rocked himself in a poor attempt to soothe these painful emotions.
“Just let me give you your birthday gift! It’ll make you feel better!” A rustling of wrapping paper came from the other side of the door. But Eddie just shook his head. Nothing could make him feel better in the moment. He wanted nothing else but to die on the spot. To magically explode into a billion little particles, never to be reformed.
“I want to be a grownup. I want to be thirty and thriving. Take me far away from here. Far, far away.” He whispered as he knocked his head back against the metal shelving at the back of the closet’s walls. The sharp pain radiated out from the back of his skull as something tumbled from the force of the bump and hit him on the back of the head. He let the tears fall down his face as the pain spread through his scalp. A slight hum began to ring in his ears, and it only became louder and more overwhelming. Clamping his hands on the sides of his head he turned over and curled into a small ball on the floor. The banging on the closet door faded, as did the voiced of his friends. Eddie drew one last breath and let the darkness engulf him. At least if he was asleep, he couldn’t feel anything. Nothing at all.