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"You know, Jane, when I said I wanted to have Captain America's baby I didn't mean this," Darcy said as she bent over to pick up Steve who looked up at her with solemn blue eyes as he clutched his Bucky Bear in one arm, and held onto her green sweater with a chocolate covered hand. "It's a good thing you're cute, kiddo," she grinned, and tickled Steve's chubby neck and was rewarded with a happy giggle and a mostly gummy grin.
"I know, Darce. Oh God, where did Clint and Natasha go?" Jane replied in a panic. They looked around and followed a trail of discarded purple (the only colour baby Clint would wear) clothing out of the kitchen and down the hall into the entertainment room. Clint was walking along the back of the long couch naked while Natasha curled up with a bright pink toy watching Loony Tunes on the huge entertainment centre.
"Clint, no," shouted Steve in Darcy's arms. Steve pointed at Clint, a deep frown on his cherubic face. Darcy smiled and gave him a kiss on his chubby cheek and Steve squirmed in her arms. "Kiss," Steve demanded shoving Bucky Bear in Darcy's face.
"Hello, Bucky Bear," Darcy grinned and kissed Bucky Bear's muzzle. Steve pulled the bear back into a tight hug and glared at Clint's capering about on the sofa.
"Careful, Darcy, you'll end up broody."
"Ha, like that would ever happen, Jane. I’m twenty two. There is no broody here. Besides, I'd have to actually have se-...s-e-x sometime for that to happen. It's not like Ca...anyone is standing in line," Darcy snarked and cuddled baby Steve a little closer. "Clint, get down from there and get your clothes back on. Now or there will be no watching Robin Hood."
"Sorry, Darcy," Clint replied sullenly waving his hands out for balance. Both Darcy and Jane winced as the four year old leapt to the ground and somersaulted across the room.
"I've got to go, Darcy. Tony and Bruce need me in the lab. We need to reverse the effects of-"
"Jane you can't leave me alone with super babies," Darcy wailed and grabbed Jane's arm.
"I am not a baby! I'm a big boy! Uncle Bruce says so. I'm four," Clint shouted running back into the room. Clint's shirt was on backwards, and his trousers were still missing but at least he put his Avengers brand Hawkeye underwear (an absolute nightmare to find at three in the afternoon in Manhattan) back on. "Steve's a baby," Clint said pointing at Steve curled in Darcy's arms. Steve scowled and gripped tighter to Darcy's sweater and Bucky Bear.
"Yes, Clint. You are a big boy and I need you to help Auntie Darcy watch Tasha and Steve. I've got to go back to the labs to help Uncle Tony and Uncle Bruce. Okay?" Jane asked kneeling down to Clint's level.
"Yer gonna do science?," Clint asked as he carefully edged further away from Jane.
"Yeah, buddy, we're going to try and fix everything," Jane smiled reaching out to Clint. Clint ducked behind Darcy and out of Jane's reach.
"Is that true?" Clint asked tugging on Darcy's sweater.
"Jane's going to help Bruce and Tony make everything better," Darcy said and bit her lip.
"Make us big again? Make us heroes again. Uncle Phil says were were all heroes."
"That's right, Clint. The scientists are going to make you big again. But you are all still heroes," Darcy said worrying at her lip. God she hoped they fixed things soon.
"No cry Dar. Bucky kiss better," Steve smiled, and pushed Bucky Bear up into Darcy's face.
"Thank you, Stevie," Darcy smiled, and ruffled his blonde hair. "Okay kids let's be good while Jane goes to work her magic and before you know it Uncle Phil will be here."
"Stop it, Tasha! I'm gonna watch Robin Hood! Darcy said so!" Clint shouted from the sofa. "Ow Darrrrrcy! Tasha hit me!"
........
Three days later Darcy was ready to pull her hair out, slam her head against a wall, or cry into a bottle of beer at the very least. Steve wasn't much trouble, after Darcy found a box of crayons and a Batman colouring book in a box in her room labelled "Super serious stuff". Steve would happily spend hours colouring as long as Darcy was in his direct line of sight. He had a tendency to glare at any of the agents who were on duty within the tower. The same dirty glare was echoed by Natasha and Clint, if anyone entered their space other than Agent Coulson, herself, or the brain trust.
The real nightmare came with Clint and Natasha. They were utterly inseparable, and either played happily together, or fought like tiny demons. On the occasions when they fought so viciously (Natasha was a biter, and Clint scratched and threw things) Darcy was forced to pull them apart within five minutes Natasha would be in tears and Clint would start banging his head on the wall.
That evening when Clint started a food fight, because he didn't want to eat his broccoli, Darcy was ready to take Steve back to her quarters and cry herself to sleep. There was macaroni cheese in her hair, juice spilled on her sweater and jeans, and milk soaked into her favourite Converse shoes. Darcy hadn't had a shower in three days, every night, no matter who was watching the babies, Steve crawled out of his crib ran across the hall and somehow managed to get into her bed with Bucky Bear in tow. Darcy had made more than one mental note to have words with JARVIS on opening doors for babies. Adorable as baby Steve was, she was tired and wanted the real Steve back. the Steve who drew cartoons of the Avengers vanquishing bad guys, aliens, and that weird dude with the purple frogs. The friend who sometimes stole sips of her mochas, whole cookies, and bites of her dessert. The Steve Darcy was hopelessly crushing on. She just really missed her best friend.
"Miss Lewis?" Coulson said from the doorway. Darcy jumped startled out of her thoughts.
"Son of Coul! Thank god, please tell me they have figured out how to turn them back?," Darcy said absently handing Steve his blue sippy cup.
"I'm afraid not quite yet, Miss Lewis. However Mr. Stark and Thor have headed out on a very good lead. There is a possibility they may be returned to normal by the end of the night. Is that cheese in your hair?" Phil said his lip twitching. Darcy swore under her breath as she reached up to pull the offending macaroni cheese out of her hair.
"Bad word! Darcy said a bad word!" Clint singsonged, as he skipped circles around the kitchen table, stuffing cookies in his mouth. Darcy lifted her glasses, pinched the bride of her nose and sighed. "I can say them too! Caw caw moth-"
"Clint!" Darcy and Phil shouted at the same time and Natasha burst into tears and threw herself into Coulson's legs. Coulson looked startled then gently pet Natasha on the head, fingers running through her wild red curls. Steve shot Clint a death glare before popping another spoonful of chocolate pudding in his mouth.
"What can I help you with Miss Lewis," Phil smiled as Natasha ran off after Clint.
"Bath and story time for the twins and stop calling me Miss Lewis. I'll take care of Steve," Darcy said as she held out her arms for Steve to jump into. "Come on, Steve, let's get you cleaned up, kiddo, then you can watch a show on the big bed okay?"
"Bucky Bear!" Steve cried out bottom lip wobbling.
"Tasha, Clint I have an important mission. I need you to go rescue Bucky Bear from the living room. Go team go." Darcy ordered and Clint and Natasha belted out of the room skidding across the hall.
"You're very good at that Darcy," Coulson said with a bemused smile.
"Don't sound so surprised, you have my file. You know I have stepbrothers and a baby sister. Besides I totes boss the scientists around. All of the time. They don't cry as much though...well maybe sometimes," Darcy grinned as she swayed back and forth rubbing Steve's back. Clint and Natasha scrambled back into the room holding up Bucky Bear triumphantly with huge beaming smiles on their dirty faces. "Well done team!" Darcy cheered and handed Bucky Bear to Steve. Steve hugged the bear tightly and buried his face in Darcy neck.
"I'll take over from here, Darcy," Phil said as Clint climbed up on the counter and Natasha started tugging on his jacket begging for a story.
"Aces," Darcy grinned and took Steve down the hall to her suite. She gave Steve a quick bath, and dressed him in the Captain America pyjamas (Coulson found them after Steve had gotten hysterical at the Iron Man ones Tony had JARVIS order). Darcy put Steve down on the bed with Bucky Bear and kissed the top of his head. "Jarvis can you put Fantasia on for Steve? Dancing mushrooms please."
"It would be my pleasure, Miss Lewis," the AI replied politely.
"Thanks JARVIS, you're a total star," Darcy smiled tucking Steve and Bucky Bear under the quilt and surrounding them with cushions and pillows. "Okay, buddy, I'm going to go have a shower. I'll leave the door open a crack so you can see me okay?" Steve nodded solemnly eyes darting from Darcy's face to the little mushroom on the tv screen.
"Kiss, Bucky Bear," Steve ordered brows drawn together. Darcy laughed leaning down to kiss Bucky Bear and then Steve who squirmed away watching the mushroom dance about. Ten minutes later Darcy was showered, dressed in a pair of Captain America underwear and a red tank top, and feeling a hundred percent better. Steve was curled up asleep in a nest of blankets and pillows, loosely holding Bucky Bear's paw. Darcy smiled and crawled into bed beside him. Steve stirred and snuggled into her side, and Darcy couldn't help but smile, even if she knew he would soon start wiggling around and kicking her in his sleep.
Hours later Darcy woke with a heavy weight on her chest and far too warm. She moved to push the weight off and encountered warm skin. Darcy frowned, wiggling to reach the lamp when the warm weight nuzzled against her breast and a heavy arm moved across her belly curving against her side. Darcy flicked the switch, muttering under her breath as her eyes adjusted to the bright light. Steve was curled around her body and nuzzling against her. A fully grown and quite naked Steve.
"Steve!" Darcy burst out and slapped her hand over her mouth as he shifted murmuring something in his sleep and then rolled over away from her onto his back. Darcy was practically wiggling with excitement. "JARVIS are Clint and Natasha normal now too?"
"Yes, Miss Lewis. Agent Coulson said there was no reason to wake you."
"Steve wake up! You're you again!" Darcy grinned shaking Steve's shoulders. She leaned over him watching his face scrunch up and his long lashes flutter before opening.
"Darcy? What happened?" Steve said rubbing a hand over his eyes. Darcy ignored his question and threw herself on him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Steve awkwardly returned the hug for a minute before his whole body tensed up beneath her. "Darcy, I... why am I naked?"
"Oh, yeah about that. I think you must have outgrown your footsie pyjamas when you got big again," Darcy grinned pulling back from Steve and tucking her hair behind her ear. Steve frowned and tugged the blankets up and gripped them with white knuckles. His cheeks were blazing red and his gaze kept skittering anywhere but directly at her. "Footsie pyjamas?" Steve questioned, eyebrows practically touching his hairline and his gaze finally met hers.
"Yup, whatever's left of it must be in the bed," Darcy replied lifting a corner of the quilt. Steve squeaked and pulled the quilt out of Darcy's hands.
"Don't do that!"
"Hey! I was just--"
"No," Steve frowned pulling the quilt higher.
"Do you remember what happened on your last mission? Do you remember the last few days at all?" At Steve's furrowed brow and head shake Darcy rambled on, "Believe me I've seen it all. There's a little birth mark on your inner thigh the shape of a -" Steve put his hand over Darcy's mouth stopping her mid sentence. She rolled her eyes and leaned back "You have been a baby for the last three days, Steve. Don't look at me like I'm insane. I have proof. Photographic evidence even. Oh and videos too."
"A baby?" Steve frowned and then his eyes grew wide as Darcy leaned over him. Her breasts practically shoved in his face and he made a strangled sound as Darcy tugged Bucky Bear out from under a pillow. "Bucky Bear?" Steve said as he took the bear out of her hand.
"You wouldn't go anywhere without him...or me really. You were such an adorable baby," Darcy smirked and pinched Steve's cheek.
"Stop it, Darcy," Steve glowered pushing her hand away.
"Yeah, that Captain America tone? So isn't going to work on me after the last three days of carrying you around, wiping your nose, sharing my bed, and giving you baths. You made me sing ‘the Star Spangled Man with a Plan’ before you went to sleep. Every night," Darcy grinned, and Steve reddened burying his face in his hands.
"Darcy, please can you get me some pants," Steve grumbled, dropping his hands from his red face, glaring at her and pointing at the door.
"Alright I'm going," Darcy grumbled tossing the blankets off her legs, standing up. Steve groaned. "What now?"
"Nothing,” Steve muttered.
"Does Bucky Bear need a kiss?"
"No."
“Are you sure about that Steve?” Darcy turned around hands on her hips, one eyebrow arched. Steve wasn’t looking at her though he was glaring as the bear in his lap and biting his lip. Darcy huffed, walked to the door and pulled it open with far more violence than was strictly needed. He was far less grumpy as a baby that was for sure.
“Nice underwear,” Steve muttered low and Darcy froze. Oh.
“Thank you,” Darcy smirked over her shoulder. Steve's face was still a little red, a lopsided grin curving his lips up. “Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American Way?” Darcy sang softly and Steve snorted as she went in search of pants for the naked superhero in her bed. It was a damn shame really.