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"???" Hinata Hajime woke up from his nap, hugging a Monokuma plushie. "Who lowered the AC?"
"We've got more things to focus on!" Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko told the mercenary off, leaning against the window to shoot someone behind them.
'Oh... It's because most of the windows are rolled down,' Hajime blinked, realizing the Ultimate Imposter was also shooting their guns.
"Please!" Souda Kazuichi pleaded, and Hajime theorized that the mechanic is petitioning for Nekomaru Nidai to stop the car. Why else is the Ultimate Mechanic fidgeting his hands and crossing his legs?
'It's only been an hour since we left the last station...' Hajime checked the time, turning his head to see Kamukura Izuru casually pluck the pin of a grenade to chuck the modified bomb out of the window.
"I need to go!" Squeezing his thighs with tears at the edge of his eyes, Kazuichi begged right beside the newly woken brunette.
"You gotta hold it! We're almost there!" The Ultimate Manager warned, breaking the speed limit as their vehicle zoomed down the highway. Hajime had a feeling that Tanaka Gundham was regretting his life decisions in the passenger's seat. The Ultimate Animal Breeder didn't consider the luck of a certain albino to blow their cover.
"Souda-kun. I understand your concern, but some people are currently chasing us at the moment!" Komaeda Nagito explained as best as he could, ducking his head away from the sunroof to reload his gun.
"B-but..." Kazuichi clawed at the car's seat, pressing his head against the car seat before him. "Hanamura?"
"Sorry, Souda-kun. All my containers have stuff in them..." Hanamura Teruteru apologized, slightly sweating at the ongoing car chase and gun fight. Hajime continued to observe his seatmate while bullets decorated the car behind them.
"Urgh..." Kazuichi adjusted his position, hands pressing down against his groin as he shook his thighs. The guy is taking deep breaths, starting to sweat from holding it in. Hajime continued hugging a Monokuma plushie, thinking about how to help the pitiful guy.
'No water bottles or portable toilets...' Hajime scanned the car one last time, curious if the reason for the shortage was because Nekomaru used this car to drive the girls in Nagoya a few days ago. The concert of Mioda Ibuki and Saionji Hiyoko could have caused some of them to take the bottles.
"Bro..." Kazuichi whimpered, probably on the verge of peeing. Hajime could already imagine a certain photographer nagging him until kingdom come. Then again, Hajime could fork out a picture of Kazuichi drenched in his urine to calm the redhead.
'Do I increase my bond level with Souda or Koizumi?' Hajime fished his phone, checking their current location. "We're an hour away from our destination."
"Help..." Kazuichi was trembling with whatever pent-up sensations he had inside him. Kazuichi begged, already tilting on his seat. "Please..."
"Kamukura?" Hajime called out, giving the stink eye when Izuru gave him a thumbs up. "So much for being known as deus ex machina."
"Souda-kun has been holding that in for some time now," Teruteru explained, having recently done packing his bento boxes to check for an empty container of sorts. "You may as well give up, Souda-kun. You might even enjoy it."
"We should've let him sit beside Kuzuryu-kun..." Nagito mumbled to himself, starting to reach his limit, much to Hajime's amusement.
"I suppose we should be safe for now..." The Ultimate Imposter returned to the car as the car entered a decrepit tunnel. "Unfortunately, we can't stop the car. Has anyone found a way to help him?"
"I can feel it coming..." Kazuichi murmured, snapping Hajime's attention back to the quivering seatmate. "Is this what death feels like?"
"I guess not..." They mumbled, making Hajime guilty.
"Hmm..." Hajime checked his clothes, but all the drugs in his secret pockets would paralyze and kill his opponents. He found one drug that helps with bowel movement, but he didn't want Kazuichi to pee and shit at the same time.
"Fine~" Hajime set his stuffed toy aside, unable to watch his brethren in further torment. "Souda. Let me hold your gro-in?!"
*THUD!*
"How is that going to help him?!" Nagito flinched when the car encountered a bumpy obstacle, staring at Hajime in confusion. Simultaneously, Teruteru let out a scandalous gasp at the audacity.
"Hinata-kun. How bold~" Teruteru smirked with a slight wiggle of his eyebrows. "Will you touch mine as well? Ow!"
"God damn it, Hinata. Does Natsumi like you because you make her laugh?" Fuyuhiko was the one who smacked Teruteru, reloading his gun just in case they caught up. The tunnel barely had any lights, which was why Nagito's accidental head bump coincidentally activated the internal car lights.
"Oh. I wish. Instead, I had to save her ass," Hajime disclosed, surprised that Kazuichi grabbed his hand and shoved it towards the targeted area quite willingly.
"Ah~" Kazuichi groaned in relief, which wasn't helping Hajime's case.
"Please continue with your lives and ignore this cutscene..." The assassin could feel different eyes staring in their direction. Kazuichi should be glad the pressure vanished without causing an accident, but he didn't have to sound that way to express himself.
"Did he do it?" Teruteru needed to know for some reason. "Is his meat-"
"Let's not talk about that, shall we?" Nagito bonked the zealous chef, clearly judging Hajime's unorthodox method. "But are you sure you want to hold that for an hour, Hinata-kun?"
"I'm pretty sure his urine would smell very strongly in the car with the amount of soda he drinks..." Hajime sighed, needing to hold this guy's groin until they left the car. "Wait. I guess I can delegate the task to Ka-"
"No," Izuru refused the task, leaning against the door and closing his eyes to take a nap.
"Utterly useless bastard..." Hajime cursed.
"You guys alright over there?!" Nekomaru adjusted the rearview mirror. "Souda?"
"I feel great..." Kazuichi didn't need to say that at all, much less move his hips to make Hajime identify the exact location of the entire organ. "No homo, but Hajime probably gives amazing handjobs."
"I bet he does," Hanamura nodded, fixing his pompadour. "Nanami-san is one lucky gal."
"Nanami-san isn't that type of person," Nagito refuted.
"I'll consider a different occupation in another timeline," Hajime played along, looking behind them to count the number of bullet holes.
"Nope. That is extremely gay," Fuyuhiko retaliated in Hajime's stead. "Not like I hate gays. I'm just tired of dealing with repressed gay bullshit. My clan doesn't need more drama, capiche?"
"Unfortunate. I thrive in the drama," The Ultimate Imposter has confessed to enjoying the chaos instigated by their own making.
"The singularity preserving the balance yet again..." Gundham chuckled, annoying Hajime further. Out of everyone, Gundham kept a keen eye on him. Nagito didn't want to care, but his bad luck kept forcing the albino to look at him.
...
"Ha..." Hajime sighed, dropping his head once they reached the end of the tunnel. "Once I let go, your dick either becomes a pressurized piss gun or an erection. You'll be given a minute to figure that out."
"What if it does both?" Kazuichi asked.
"Blasphemy! I tried," Teruteru is digging his grave.
"There is a technique to do so," The Ultimate Imposter responded in turn.
"We toss him at Kamukura," Fuyuhiko proposed.
"Boring," Izuru refused to be a part of the hypothetical scenario.
"You're right. Kamukura and Komaeda can solve this," Hajime nodded.
"I hate you so much..." Nagito spoke with a smile.