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Kate’s heart pounded in her chest as Halfy pushed the RHIB to its maximum speed while trying to reach the wreckage faster. She could also sense the anxiousness of her crews travelling with her.
Usually, she would have Dutchy at front, but her bosun was incapacitated due to a gunshot wound in his stomach, courtesy of that traitorous spook. She could feel her blood boiled at the thought of that woman and the way she had manipulated them from the start.
Dutchy had been upset when she had told him about the explosion and the possibility of two men being dead, one of them was his own bunkmate. He had pleaded to her to be part of the search party, but she couldn’t let him, not when there was currently a hole in his stomach that no one had been able to fix properly as the only person capable of doing so was possibly at the bottom of the sea.
Her eyes then turned to the small figure of Bird in one of the seats in front of her, flanked by 2Dads and Charge. All hope rested on the young woman right now, to be able to do the nearly impossible feat of keeping Swain or Jim alive long enough for them to reach ashore and the nearest hospital. She felt a cloud of hopelessness hang around them and she knew that it fell on her and Charge to steady the crews.
“X, smoke and debris ahead.”
She focused her eyes ahead at Charge’s warning, “slow down to half-speed Halfy, limited vision and obstruction ahead.”
The closer they got to the wreckage site, the more hopeless she felt at finding anyone alive. Mike had insisted that he had seen someone jumped out at the last second through his binocular, but had it been a mere hallucination on his part? A man’s foolish hope perhaps?
The smell of burning metal and plastic overwhelmed their nostrils next. Jagged pieces of debris littered the sea around them, causing Halfy to drive as slow as possible so that the RHIB wouldn’t nick any of them. Charge and 2Dads were both glued to their binoculars, while herself and RO relied on their naked eyes. Bird looked anxious now, clutching the seat railing so tightly that her knuckles went white.
“Should we circle around the perimeters, X?” Halfy asked from beside her.
“Yes.” She nodded, “I think we should do a couple of slow circles and cut through the middle in between.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” Halfy acknowledged her order quietly.
They almost finished their first complete circle when Charge shouted, “body in the water! 300m ahead.”
Kate could feel dread started to take over and she had to take a couple of deep breath to keep herself steady. Meanwhile, RO and 2Dads prepared the stretcher and then moved closer to the edge of the RHIB, ready to haul whoever was currently in the water.
But it didn’t matter how ready they thought they were, as nothing could have prepared them for the horrible sight that greeted them.
A body floated in the water stained red by his blood, head slumped in the water, only moving due to the current.
They recognised their own camo uniform on the body, and they knew it was Swain.
The next few seconds was frantic, as they tried to haul Swain into the RHIB, but realising that there were few sharp debris lodged to his back, they had to be extremely careful not to disturb them.
“Is he breathing?” Kate heard the shakiness in her voice as she approached her crews who had finally managed to bring Swain inside the RHIB.
“He has a pulse, X.” Bird replied with her own shaky voice, “but very weak.”
“OK, keep him steady for now Bird.” Kate turned to look at Halfy, “let’s go back.”
“Should we search for Captain Roth, X?” Charge interrupted, face grim, but his eyes stared at her in sympathy.
Kate looked back at Charge and shook her head, grateful for his concern for her wellbeing, but her heart could sense that Jim was no longer alive. There would be time and place for her to mourn Jim privately, but she must do her job now and prioritise her crews, especially Swain, “we need to get Swain to the hospital asap. And the boss only saw one person jumping out, so let’s not linger here.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” Charge nodded.
The journey back was silent after she had radioed Hammersley to get the wardroom ready. She guessed as ready as it could be without any guidance from the man currently slumped on the RHIB’s floor.
Bird’s finger continued pressing on Swain’s neck, trying desperately to feel his pulse, which was only getting weaker by the minute. She bit her bottom lip anxiously, doubting her own ability to keep her mentor alive. So, she started praying to any deity out there, for strength so that Swain could hold on, and for clarity on her part, so she could use any medical knowledge she had learned in the past year to prolong Swain’s life until a real doctor could get their hands on him.
Meanwhile, 2Dads had positioned himself behind Swain, keeping the medic on his side, so that the debris on his back didn’t lodge themselves deeper into him. He had never counted the man as his friend, only regarded him as his work colleague at best. But he knew that he clashed with the man not because the man was an arsehole or a bottom feeder, but because Swain was his polar opposite, the kind of man that society held up as ideals. And he knew that Swain tried very hard to live up to those ideals every day, whereas he rebelled against them every chance he got. Now as Swain was bleeding profusely in his arms, he couldn’t help but thinking, was it worth it trying to be a good man all your lives only to end up dying in such a horrible way?
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“OK Bird, tell us what to do.” Kate looked at the young woman encouragingly after they had successfully transferred Swain to the wardroom’s bed.
“Um….” Bird took a deep breath before speaking, “we need to check his airways, if there is any obstruction and make sure he breathes properly.”
Kate carefully checked Swain’s mouth and nose, to check for anything obstructing them. She also checked the movement of his chest, whether his lungs still expanding as he took his breath. “His breath seemed very shallow.”
“He might have collapsed lung due to the blast wave.” RO said in serious voice as he observed Swain from the foot of the bed.
“RO, this is not the time….” Charge commented from the other side.
Kate held up her gloved hand in Charge’s direction, “RO’s encyclopaedic knowledge could be the only difference between life and death here, Charge.” She then nodded to RO, “keep going RO, tell us what else should we watch out for.”
“He might have ruptured eardrum, internal bleeding, crushed injury to his extremities, and burned skin.” RO continued, “and radiation sickness due to the Caesium exposure.”
Everyone’s faces were paling rapidly at the list of possible injuries.
“OK,” Kate swallowed the bile forming in her throat at the possibility that they could lose Swain after he had managed to keep himself alive long enough for them to find him. “What about the debris lodged in his back, should we remove them?”
“No.” Bird replied straight away, “that’s one thing we should not do. We need to keep him on his side and on recovery position.”
“We need to slow down the bleeding.” RO moved to observe Swain’s back, seeing the blood oozing steadily around the lodged debris, “and check if there is any other source of bleeding on his body.”
Bird nodded, “we need to cut his clothes, checked externally. X, can you do that while I check his blood pressure?”
Kate nodded before rummaging the medical kit for a heavy-duty scissor. Once she found it, she started to cut his uniform. It was soaked with his blood and sea water, and in some parts, it was sticking to his skin due to it being melted down by the blast fire reaching him. She cut around the sticky part, as she didn’t want his skin to be further damaged by pulling them.
“His BP is low, X. 80/55. I think he needs transfusion. His heart rate is low too. He could be in shock.” Bird spoke again, “we need to keep him warm.”
“I’ll check his blood type in his personal file, and I’ll find anyone with the same blood type to come here to give transfusion.” RO then asked, “do we have blood transfusion kit, Bird?”
“Um….” Bird tried to think of the last inventory check she did with Swain and whether she had seen it, “I don’t remember, RO. Can you check in the cupboard over there?”
RO just nodded and a few minutes later he pulled out a few IV looking kit from the middle of the cupboard. He also grabbed a few blankets from the top shelf, put them on the table and then dragged the IV pole to be near the bed, effectively reminding Bird that Swain would most likely need an IV to replace the loss of fluid.
Bird gave RO a grateful smile, “thanks RO. Can you find those blood donor now please?”
RO just nodded, before leaving the wardroom to find his computer and access everyone’s personal file.
“Charge, can you put gloves on please?” Bird asked the burly man who had been keeping himself quiet in the corner, “then help the X clean any open wounds you can see, while I setup the IV for Swain.”
Charge moved closer to his XO and did as he was asked. His heart was very heavy thinking of Swain and his fate. Another good man’s life hung in the balance due to the evil forces around them. The older he was, the more injustice he saw and he didn’t know if this job was worth it anymore, especially if he kept seeing good men and women either being broken or dead around him.
Kate concentrated on carefully cleaning every open wound, every scratch, every mangled patch of skin, until all the red staining Swain's skin was transferred to the many gauzes that she was using. She covered all the burns with clean bandages only, cautioned by Bird not to use any burn ointment on it.
Now she was looking at the jagged pieces of debris lodged on his back and thought of how she could put pressure on the surrounding tissue to stop the bleeding. At the end, she asked Charge to lift Swain a little bit so that she and Bird could wrap his back and torso with meters of bandages around the protruding debris, keeping them stable and providing pressure to slow down the bleeding.
They had just covered Swain with a couple of blankets to keep him warm when RO came back to the wardroom with Halfy in tow.
Kate looked at RO in concern, “is Halfy the only blood donor you could find?”
“Only 6% of Australian population has A- blood type, X. We’re very lucky that we have three in this room, me, Halfy and you. Four people if we include the patient.”
“Oh.” Kate’s lips curved up a little bit hearing RO’s deadpanned voice, “let’s do it then.”
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“I didn’t know that you’re Swain’s emergency contact.” Mike commented as he was sipping his vending machine coffee while sitting next to Kate in the surgery waiting room at Cairns Base hospital.
Kate sipped her own coffee before replying, “I only became one recently, when Sally moved to Western Australia a month ago.”
“Really?” Mike raised his eyebrows, “then why haven't I seen his transfer request to Stirling yet?”
“He’s applying for jobs over there right now. Maybe he was waiting until he got to interview stage before telling you about it. And now obviously he’s not in any position to move anywhere or do anything about it, he’s not even conscious.” She felt a little bit annoyed at Mike’s tone.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just surprised.” Mike paused before continuing, “I mean I know that you guys are friends, but I didn’t know that you two are that close.”
“What is that supposed to mean? I’m also Dutchy’s emergency contact and has been for over a year now. It’s not a unique position.”
“Were you Jim’s?” Mike stared back at her curiously.
She narrowed her eyes at Mike, “no. He never asked when we were together, and he wasn’t my emergency contact either.”
“Right.” He paused again, “who was yours then?”
“Dutchy and Swain.”
“I’m not on your list?” He looked a bit sad at that fact.
She glared at him, “in my first 3 years in Cairns, yes, but then I switched to Swain to be my contact as logically, I would want someone who’s reliable. And when Dutchy asked me to be his, I just asked him in return, because I thought it wouldn’t hurt to add another name to my list. And now with Swain moving to WA, it’ll just be Dutchy on mine, unless he also moved somewhere else and then I’d find another person, maybe Charge could be one.”
“Anyone but me, it seems.” Mike commented bitterly.
“Well, am I your emergency contact?” She raised her eyebrows at him, “I don’t think so. I bet Knocker is yours.”
She saw his jaw tightened as her guess must have been right. “It makes sense actually, since you, her and Ryan are a real family.” She continued sharply as she was tired of the game of push and pull that he was trying to play with her again.
“Kate….”
She just gave him a stony look as a reply. “I don’t want to talk about this, Sir. Please call me straight away if anyone come out from the surgery to give you an update about Swain. I’m going to check on Dutchy now.”
She didn’t wait for a reply, she just got up and tossed the now cold coffee to the bin before making her way upstairs to Dutchy’s room.
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“Hey….” Kate greeted the man that was currently staring at the small TV on the wall from his hospital bed.
Dutchy turned his head and looked at her in alarm, “is Swain….”
“No news yet,” She shook her head with a sad smile and moved closer to his bed, “the boss is waiting down there, just in case anyone would give us an update, but it’s only been 2 hours. The surgeon warned us it could be a long surgery to try and fix everything.”
He leaned back to his pillow and closed his eyes briefly before staring back at her with guilty expression, “it should have been me that stayed with Captain Roth. I was the one with bomb defusal experience.”
She sat on the waiting chair next to the bed and looked at him sympathetically, “it wouldn’t do you any good to think like that. If you didn’t subdue Ms Cruise in Hammersley, justice wouldn’t be able to be served. Jim’s sacrifice would’ve been in vain.”
He laughed bitterly, “I should have been thinking with my brain instead of my dick in relation to her. If only I steered clear from her since the very beginning, instead of mistaking her gaslighting behaviour as flirting and treating it as exciting challenge.”
“She fooled everyone, Dutchy.” She shook her head as she was reminded of their missions with her, “she even saved your life and Swain’s life at one point. We thought she was on our side.”
“A very expensive lesson for us.” He went quiet for a few minutes before staring at her apologetically, “I’m sorry about Captain Roth. He was a good man.”
She nodded quietly, “he was.” She then sighed, “everybody has been looking at me with sympathy all day. But the truth was that we broke up a couple of months ago. So, I didn’t deserve the sympathy. I wasn’t his significant other anymore, only his friend, and I’m sad that he’s no longer alive and had a tragic end, but not broken-hearted, if you know what I mean?”
He looked at her in surprise at her confession, but ultimately nodded, “you’re not torn up about it. His death didn’t leave a big hole in your heart.”
“Yeah.” She gave him a small smile at his understanding.
“You know,” he started again after a few more minutes of silence, “I know this is none of my business.”
She raised her eyebrows at him teasingly, “so why are you still talking?”
He chuckled, “because I have a death wish?”
She scowled at him, “don’t mention death so casually, you’re lucky that your bullet wound was a through and through and didn’t nick any organs, otherwise it could have been so much worse.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you care about me, X.” He teased her again.
“I take my job as your emergency contact seriously, thank you very much, so of course I care about you.” She now glared at him, “I’m expecting the same from you if somebody ever contacting you for my emergency.”
He sobered up quickly, “come on, X. Of course I take my job seriously as your emergency contact. The only time I’m not protecting you is when we’re on shore leave. And that’s not strictly true either because we still see each other at the gym or on the hiking trails for a couple of hours during shore leave at least.”
She softened, “I know. Sorry, I was just joking.”
He sighed, “what I was trying to say before was about you and the boss.”
She raised her eyebrows at him, “careful Dutchy.”
He rolled his eyes at her, “you were so distraught when the boss went missing last year during that Gorsky incident. And I can’t help comparing your reaction then with your reaction now about Captain Roth. Maybe you need to talk to the boss again. Surely, he couldn’t stay in Hammersley forever. At some point, the brass would want him to move on and maybe you guys could do something about your feelings then.”
It was now her turn to laugh bitterly, “you know we just had an argument before I came up here. He didn’t like that I am yours and Swain’s emergency contact. And that you two are my contacts. He was annoyed that he isn’t on my list. But he had never asked me to be his contact in the last 5 years, and one guess as to who his contact is?”
“Commander White?” He gave her a knowing look.
“That’s right. The mother of his only son. His best friend for 20+ years. And maybe her contact is the boss, now that her ex-husband has died, or maybe it has always been him for all these years since they first met in ADFA.” She looked at him sadly, “it is very telling isn’t it in times like this as to who your person is. Who would be there if I was bleeding to death? Who would I trust to make the best decision for me or speak on my behalf if I was unconscious or incapacitated? Who would ensure that my wish was respected regarding my care? The fact that I trust either you or Swain to do that instead of him should give me a clue that I don’t trust him with my personal well-being, and maybe that distrust should extend to my own heart.”
They both went quiet after her rant. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself, annoyed that Mike could still invoke such a strong reaction from her just by saying a few passive aggressive comments to her earlier. She longed for the day that his approval or his opinion no longer matter to her.
Maybe it’s time for her to distance herself from his shadow. Maybe it’s time for her to let go of the idealised version of Mike that had seemed to be larger than life when she had been a midshipman 10 years ago. Instead, she must remember him as he was now, flawed, imperfect and unable to make her a priority in his life.
“You’re thinking too hard again.” Dutchy commented with a small smile, seeing her long face staring at the window, “if you kept doing that, you might have permanent frown lines by the time you’re forty.”
“I challenge you to say that to any women that you’re flirting with,” she shook her head at him, “they might kick you by the balls instead of giving you the time of the day.”
He just smirked at her, “tell me what you’re thinking then. Any new revelation?”
“How do you like Western Australia?” She looked at him seriously. “Have you been there?”
He shook his head, “no. East Coast boy all my life. You?”
“Same.” She contemplated the idea that suddenly popped into her head, “Swain is moving there for Sally and Chloe.”
“Really?” Dutchy frowned, “he hasn’t said anything.”
“And now with everything that goes on with his health and recovery, he probably would need all the help he could get from his friends. Stirling is a large base. Maybe there are jobs there for us too. What do you think?” She raised her eyebrows at him.
He went quiet for a few seconds before speaking again, “why don’t you ask Charge as well? He kept harping about mining opportunities in WA and the money that he could earn for his retirement in 20 years’ time. Maybe he should follow us too?”
“Just like that huh?” She teased him, “I suggest something, and you just follow without hesitation. Don’t you have any self-preservation instinct?”
He chuckled, “maybe I just trust you too much.”
“You shouldn’t, you know.” She smiled at him softly, “I could have led you down a treacherous path.”
“The more reason for me to follow you then,” he smiled cheekily, “someone has to be there to ensure you’re not falling to the abyss.”
She shook her head at his cheekiness before she asked again in a serious tone, “so, do we have a deal?”
He nodded back seriously, “yes, X. You’ve got yourself a deal.”
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“Kindness is the greatest wealth of all. Small acts of kindness last longer than a lifetime. This lesson, that kindness and generosity and faith in your fellow man are more important than money, is the first and greatest lesson my father ever taught me. And in this way, he will always be with us and always live forever.”
Kate paused after reading out loud the latest paragraph on the book she had brought with her as she sat vigil next to Swain’s hospital bed.
His doctors remained optimistic by his prognosis, and they had assured Swain’s family and friends that the coma had simply been his body’s way to repair itself without interruption. Herself, Charge, Dutchy, RO and Bird had volunteered to sit vigil at Swain’s bedside ever since he had come out of surgery 6 days ago. And now, this arrangement also gave Sally and Chloe, who had arrived from Perth a couple of days ago, a break during visiting hours.
The doctor had mentioned that they should try talking or reading to him as it would be good to stimulate his brain by hearing their familiar voices. So, she had brought a couple of different books so far and had been reading it out loud. She started again at the next second, having taken a sip of water from her own canteen. “Here are the lines I try to live by, and which I like to include when I speak publicly; may you always have lots of love to share, lots of good health to spare, and lots of good friends who care….”
“That sounds wise….”
Kate looked up in shock at hearing a raspy voice speaking to her.
“Swain?” She could feel instant elation in her heart as his blue eyes were staring back at her.
“X.” His parched lips curved up slightly to form a small smile. “I thought I was in heaven, and you were an angel.”
She rolled her eyes at the familiar sounding hallucination from her drugged-up friends, “you clearly hit your head pretty hard if you thought I looked like an angel. I’m wearing a flannel shirt and my hair is in a messy bun, for goodness’ sake.
He chuckled at her annoyed tone but his face twisting in agony straight away due to the movement of his chest and the pain it caused, “fuck….”
She grimaced in sympathy seeing him in pain, “don’t move and don’t laugh, some of your ribs were broken, a couple nicked your lungs. Few debris from the explosion also nicked your lungs and your diaphragm from being lodged into your back but thankfully missed your spinal cord. You had terrible concussion, and 2nd degree burns to your neck and scalp. Your inner ears were injured so you might experience ringing and balance problem. I don’t think you can do plane ride for months.”
“Is that all?” he asked again in raspy voice.
“What, like that’s not enough?” She raised her eyebrows, “you were in a coma for 6 days already, have pity to your wife and daughter. They are worried sick for you.”
“They’re here?” His voice sounding hopeful and his eyes lit up at the mention of them.
She smiled softly at him, “yes, they are just in the cafeteria right now. I’ll go get them and let the nurses know that you’re awake.”
She was about to move away from him when he reached for her hand. “X, I’m sorry.”
She caught his hand and squeezed it gently, “for what?”
“For not dragging Jim Roth to jump off with me.” Apology written in his eyes as he stared at her seriously.
“Swain….” She sighed, “you barely made it out alive. Don’t think of the what if. It’ll only destroy you.”
“I was being selfish.” He spoke in remorse.
“Then it’s a good thing you were being selfish that day.” She squeezed his hand tightly now, “otherwise, two good men would have perished from this earth instead of just one. And Chloe would have had to grow up without her father. It’s not selfish to preserve your own life, Swain. Save your anger and blame for the people that deserve them, like Agent Cruise, but give yourself the grace and forgiveness that you deserve.”
“You’re too wise.” Swain smiled at her softly. “Thanks, X.”
“You’re most welcome.” She patted his hand one more time before letting go, her heart was lighter than a few minutes ago, elated by Swain’s consciousness and the upcoming reunion between him and his family.
She couldn’t help but hoping that the future was going to be brighter from now on. Maybe it’s a foolish hope, but a girl could dream, right?
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