Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"You don't have to let your past trauma define your future." 

...

He found the note when he got out of the shower. It was sitting there, on top of his go bag that he left on the bench in his haste to shower faster so he could have a chance to talk to Mac. It turned out he didn't have to rush because Mac didn't plan to stick around. And Jack didn't know why it hurt more than the first time around, but he could swear his heart was shattering inside his chest right now. If he focused hard enough he was sure that he'd hear a sound accompanying the feeling. 

He reread the lines on the piece of paper so much he memorized them word for word. The words were like shards of glass, cutting through him until he fell to his knees on the floor.

Jack didn't know how long he spent there, but he was aching (more than before) and he was crying. He had his legs drawn to his chest, his head on his knees. He was crying and was glad that he was alone in the locker room because he wasn't in the mood to talk with anyone. He couldn't contain the tears once they started, and he knew that it'd be a while before he stopped. He was holding it in, trying to brave on for months now, and it was as if the dam had burst with the note. 

Jack's head throbbed with a headache and his neck was locked in permanent pain ever since Mareks bashed his head with the car door and then drove it through the glass before he subdued him and tied him up. Whatever, he had worse than this, and he didn't plan to move from where he was any time soon. It was like someone cut his strings and Jack couldn't move. 

There were steps shuffling and he heard Riley's voice calling out. 

“Mac? You there? Hope you are decent, I'm coming in. I can't find Jack, have you-?” 

Jack could feel her stopping right in front of him. 

“Jack? You okay?” 

Jack nodded even though he wasn't. He wasn't okay for a long time now, but that wasn't for Riley to worry about. 

“Where is Mac? Matty wants us in the War Room, and I saw him get here right after you did.” 

Jack handed Riley the crumpled note and said nothing. He heard her gasp in shock and then there were arms around him pulling him in a hug. 

“I'm so sorry, Jack.” 

“It's okay. I should have known he wouldn't want to stay here. I mean he didn't say it, but I could see it. Guess I just wanted to hope that he-” 

Jack cut himself off before he spilled too much of what was wrong with him. He had no right to ask Mac to stay, Mac was his own man, and he didn't need him after all. Jack stupidly hoped that Mac would, want him that is. But the universe had other plans. 

Jack wished he followed Mac when he quit. That way his heart wouldn't be ripped in pieces and bleeding now. His soul hurt at the prospect that Mac left not once, but twice. And he couldn't help but think that it was the universe's way of telling him that he had it coming for leaving Riley and Diane all those years ago. 

Although that wasn't something he wanted to remember ever. It wasn't a choice he made lightly. If it wasn't for the threat Elwood's people delivered, in no uncertain terms, that if Jack stayed with Diane and continued playing daddy for Riley… that Jack would wake up to them one day being dead and their death would be Jack's fault. Jack packed his bags and reenlisted the next day and left without a goodbye. He wondered when he was going to have to ultimately pay for his mistakes. He told Mac he was playing with house money, and Mac replied that his luck was eventually going to run out. Jack just didn't know it would be so soon. 

He deserved it, though. He never deserved to have Mac in his life. He just dragged the kid down. And now that Mac didn't want to have anything to do with him… Jack had to say it. It hurt. 

He almost wished that Mac had never come for him. If he died while working with Mareks to take him out, then the man wouldn't have made good on his threat to Mac. 

Jack wasn't completely honest about what was the real reason behind him joining Mareks. It was complicated and he wanted to protect Mac. So he made up a story about how he orchestrated everything so Mac could find him and get back home. It was partially true. Jack did want him home and safe, just not picking up the pieces Jack left. 

He forgot Riley was hugging him until he felt her phone buzzing in the pocket of her jeans. 

“This must be Matty. Sorry, gotta answer it.” 

Jack waved with his hand, giving her the go ahead. Riley frowned at her phone. 

“She wants us to go to the War Room. All three of us.” 

Jack sighed. The last thing he needed was to face Matty and Oversight, but eventually he had to do it. So he might as well finish it now. The sooner, the better. 

“Go. I'll get dressed and be right behind you.” 

Riley looked at him like she saw him for the first time and realization dawned on her face. 

“Oh my God, I completely forgot. Of course, of course. Sorry, I kinda hijacked your personal space.” 

“It's okay, Ri. I appreciate it. Thanks for the hug.” 

She looked at him with her head tilted like a puppy. She was studying him, he knew that, and he hoped she wouldn't ask if he was okay again. Instead she smiled at him, and Jack wanted to scream. It was a miracle she chose to trust him again and let him back in her life. He didn't have such luck with Mac. 

But no matter what Mac thought he wanted, Jack wasn't going to give up. 

It wasn't in his nature. 

Once Riley was on her way to the War Room, Jack got to his feet, and tried to focus on the task at hand. Get dressed. He could deal with the pain later. Nothing he hadn't done before. 

Before, you had Mac yell at you to take care of yourself, his subconscious supplied unhelpfully. 

Jack shook his head out of the thoughts. He just had to go through the day and forget all of it happened. 

He'd do everything for Mac. 

Chapter Text

Except maybe respect his decision to leave, even if it was the second time Mac decided to leave. The first time Jack did stupid things in Mac's wake, he admitted it to himself even as Mac came for him. But this time he needed to make things right. 

Protect his kid. 

Sitting in the GTO, at the airport's parking lot, he looked at his phone and the blinking red dot on it. It indicated Mac's location and it was in the general waiting area inside where boarding happened at the gates. 

Jack pulled a Riley (he worked long enough in intelligence to be able to track someone down, and he didn't want to involve Riley in this) and tracked Mac's flight. It turned out that it was laid over for a few hours, and Jack saw his opportunity. He needed to fix this. 

Jack sighed and left the car, groaning when his back and neck popped painfully once he pulled himself out of the driver's seat. 

Whatever it was that Mareks did to him while in Belarus, Jack was going to feel it in the morning. 

He moved carefully and tried to avoid security. He didn't need to be asked why he wasn't having his passport with a ticket in and/or a bag or a suitcase. People traveled with less items than that, but still, only those who were supposed to board the plane were let to the designated spot. Jack could pass for someone waiting for a passenger from an arriving flight, though… 

Luckily, he spotted Mac sitting in one of the plastic chairs, talking to someone on the phone. He was relaxed, far more relaxed than Jack had ever seen him. And he was laughing. God, how he missed that boy's laugh. It had been three months too long without the kid and his antics. And it wasn't that Jack didn't love his other kids as much. But you always missed the one you didn't see often. At least that was the logic Mama and Auntie Jillian used when they scolded him and Nick for not visiting. Jack and Nick would look at each other then and know that they wouldn't be able to convince their mothers that they both carried too many ghosts to visit home more often. Something not everyone understood. 

Jack shook himself out of his thoughts and moved towards Mac, trying not to scare him. He could hear Mac was ending the call. It was the perfect opportunity. 

Hopefully Mac wouldn't call security on him. 

“Hey Mac.” 

The kid turned around in surprise and looked at Jack. In lack of finding something to do with his hands, Jack stuck them in the pockets of his jeans. 

“Jack. What are you doing here?” 

“I needed to see you. And do something I never do, but the circumstances call for it. I came here to ask you to stay.” 

Jack could remember so many times Mac asked him to stay when Mac was falling asleep, or when he was feeling sick, always surprised that Jack stayed. Jack hated to pull all those times and ask himself, but it was either that, or Mareks' people harming Mac. And Jack would rather beg than let those monsters get his hands on his kid. Jack shuddered at the thought of Mac being taken while Jack wasn't watching his back.  

“Look, Jack, we talked about this-” 

“No. You left a note. I had no chance to speak. Not the first time around, not now. And you are going to let me, because I'm done playing this game of catch me if you can. You are too important to me for that.” 

Jack knew he shouldn't have revealed that much. It wasn't as if Mac needed the reminder that he didn't return Jack's messages or phone calls. Jack wasn't mad about that, but the fact was that it stung. As someone who was a huge part of why Jack was still alive and kicking, it hurt to have Mac be somewhere else other than by his side, for longer than days or weeks at a time. 

Mac looked at him carefully and Jack could see that Mac saw the emotions and the thoughts, in his eyes and written all over his face. He might have worked in intelligence for most of his adult life and had to pretend for other people, but Jack wasn't going to hide them now. He wasn't going to hide himself. Not from Mac.

“I have to do this, Jack. For my sanity and all of you.” 

“You can do it from here. Whatever it is, I can help you. Just, don't go.” 

Jack was aware he sounded desperate, and if the circumstances didn't call for that, he'd curse himself for showing his vulnerability. 

“Why is that you want me to stay?” 

Jack wanted to say something along the lines, “what there isn't?”, but he stopped himself. He wasn't going to be selfish. He was doing this for the kid. 

“It's complicated. And I'd rather not talk in front of so many people.” 

Just then, the voice over the speakers announced that Mac's flight was about to start boarding. 

“This is my flight. I have to go, Jack.” 

For a moment Jack stood there, ready to do something stupid that would have Mac hating him, but it was either that or Mac leaving. 

Sadly, Mac decided for them. 

He extended his hand towards Jack and if Jack's heart broke over the note Mac left, this was a hundred times worse. 

And then, against his better judgment, Jack turned around and walked towards the exit. 

He could hear Mac calling his name and he wanted to stop and face him. But also, Jack knew when he wasn't wanted, so he left. 

Chapter Text

But no one said he couldn't follow Mac to Nigeria to make sure he was okay. He took some days off, claiming he was sick. Which wasn't far off from the truth if Jack was honest about how he was feeling. He was still sore from the fight at the bridge, his neck screamed in protest, and his head was killing him. He managed to keep an eye on his surroundings and on Mac for longer than he anticipated. He would have stayed forever if that was all it took, but Jack was realistic. He knew that at one point he'd have to let go of Mac and return home. 

Home without Mac.

When his Mama asked him why he wasn't coming home after his and Mac's discharge, Jack had told her that he couldn't find it in him to go home to Texas just yet, that he had a charger he was assigned to protect in the desert, and that he was afraid the boy was going to get in trouble if left alone. It was all true, but his mom made a comment about how Jack seemed to find himself someone to settle with and that was the reason why he couldn't come home, or at least, the home he had while growing up. 

"Home isn't a place, Jacky, it's a person, it's a feeling. Wherever you might end up, that's where home is." was what his Mama said. 

Later that afternoon after Jack ended the phone call, he had the realization that he went to LA with Mac for his own sake, too. He needed that kid close, because Mac found a part of Jack he had buried for so long. And for some reason Jack refused to bury that part of himself again. He decided to let Mac bring it out of him more. 

He just didn't know that letting that happen would eventually hurt him so much that it'd feel like a heart attack.

Jack remembered the village they set point at for their mission, and he was pleased to see the positive changes, no doubt that most of them were his kid's doing. Mac had a knack for seeing broken things and instantly finding a way to repair them. Jack didn't want to see too deep into it, but he was aware that it was probably a metaphor about Mac's life in general. He always wanted to fix things because it was the only way Mac felt like he was doing something important. Something where he was needed and loved and cherished. That he meant something to someone. By fixing things, Mac felt like he was fixing himself. Which Jack had no way to prove, but knowing Mac for as long as he did, gave him some insight. And working for Mac's father for the last few months proved that to Jack. And it told Jack that whatever Mac experienced or felt that he needed to fix, it was deeply connected with what James thought of his son. 

Only if Jack didn't hold the torch that Mac would return to the Phoenix, he would have left three months ago. Questioning James' decisions wasn't going to secure him the job either, but sometimes Jack couldn't shut up. It got him into trouble plenty, but it was either that, or silently agreeing with the way James was leading the Phoenix. 

Jack couldn't stop thinking of all the missions they were sent to where they had to do something against their beliefs just because Oversight said so. It was hurting Jack to think that this man was responsible for so many of Mac's scars and nightmares and who claimed that he was protecting his son. 

Jack wished he never told Mac to try and find his dad to make amends. Jack knew that not everyone had a father like the one he did. Pops wasn't flawless, but he was human. And in that rare moment of Jack having regrets not spending more time with him and missing him, it led to Jack suggesting Mac to look for his old man. Boy, was Jack wrong. 

There was a shadow over where Jack was perched behind the tree, and Jack didn't need to turn around to see it was Mac. 

…

Jack sighed. He couldn't deny that he was watching Mac or why he was doing it in broad daylight, in Nigeria out of all places, and under the sun that was burning him faster than Jack could reapply sunscreen. 

He was aware that what he was doing might have looked creepy to someone else, but he wasn't going to apologize for keeping an eye out on Mac out of all people. Creepy or not, his kid's safety came first. 

“I can explain.” 

“You better.” 

There was something in Mac's voice that Jack didn't like, but he filed it away for later. He moved and his neck twinged in pain. He didn't move for too long and it was showing. Jack swayed on his feet before he righted himself and then followed Mac to the little cabin where he lived. 

Mac poured them both a glass of water and sat down, looking at Jack expectantly. 

“I wasn't lying when I said that it's complicated. But I will try to explain it as simple as possible.” 

Jack's back was starting to twinge and he really needed to get checked out, but he wasn't going to complain. 

“Mareks… he threatened me as you know. But… you don't know with what exactly. He said that if I went after him and not with him, he told me he'd send people to take you and sell you.” 

“Sell me where?” 

“He was dabbling in a lot of illegal activities. Trafficking was one of them. Human trafficking.” 

Jack didn't need to tell Mac where his fears lay. Mac knew the statistics very well, and the preferences, and sadly Mac checked a lot of the boxes on what was requested on the market. 

The way that Mac hadn't said anything so far was unnerving. Jack wanted to shake him and tell Mac that he should not take this for granted. 

“Mareks is in custody. I don't see why you are so worried. I'll be fine here. And judging by this, you know exactly where to find me, so it shouldn't be a problem.” 

“Mareks told me that he had his people in on the order. That if anything happened to him, they had the permission to do that. Take you, I mean.” 

“As you can see, they haven't.” 

“You'd rather they do? Mac, what has gotten into you? Don't you see how serious this is? You could end up in a very dangerous place.” 

“Jack… calm down.” 

“Oh, this is calm. I am calm. You don't want to see me pissed, dragging your butt back home. Believe me, I'd never do anything against your will, but the last thing I'd do is sit and watch you get hurt and do nothing.” 

“Jack, I am a grown person. I can take care of myself. Why do you insist on just taking over everything?” 

“Taking over… Mac! This is not something you can fight off with being a grown up.” 

“Jack. I know this is harder on you than everyone else. And I didn't make this decision lightly. But this is my home now. And I can take care of myself. It's not you, or anyone else for that matter. I made my choice known three months ago. I'm really sorry I didn't stay in touch, but I needed some time to myself. To figure things out.”

“Did you?” 

“Did I what?” 

“Did you figure yourself out?” 

“Yeah, I think I have. Why do you even care? I stopped being your responsibility when I quit.” 

“Why do I? Mac, are you listening to yourself right now?” 

“Yes!” 

Jack's eyes widened. He never expected this to hurt so much. Apparently Mac thought that going to Nigeria and quitting the Phoenix were reason enough for him to leave Mac behind. To not worry. To not care. 

Jack suspected that it was some ugly doubts rearing their heads inside Mac with James being in the picture again. And Jack knew that Mac would never act like this. 

“Jack… I'm sorry. Look, this is not how I wanted things to go. But if you want me to come back to LA, I can't. That's not my home anymore.” 

Jack figured that much, but hearing Mac actually say it… Jack's heart was shattering anew. He didn't know what for. Was it because Mac chose another place over LA? Or that he made himself a new family here and he didn't need them anymore? That he didn't need Jack anymore? Jack didn't want to be selfish, again, but it was hurting him that what Mac was saying was that he didn't need Jack anymore. And that burned Jack on the inside like nothing before. He doubted there'd be anything else that could top this. 

Jack found himself smiling despite all the hurt and with a broken soul he nodded and told Mac that he was proud of him. He could do at least that much. 

His phone rang then and while in another situation he'd let it ring because Mac was his top priority, Jack found himself walking outside and answering it. 

It was Matty, telling him that she was sending a chopper to pick Jack up for a mission he was needed for urgently.

Jack listened to what Matty didn't say and yet she did. She was telling him that Oversight was asking too many questions and they needed Jack home. That Matty covered for Jack while Jack was in Nigeria so James wouldn't suspect why Jack took a sick leave. 

And as much as Jack would have wanted to stay and watch Mac's back, the fact was that Mac didn't want him there. Mac didn't need him anymore. 

Jack turned around to find Mac watching him. His kid, if he even had the right to call him that now, looked like he wanted to say something. But Jack was sure whatever it was, he'd pass on it. It was enough heartbreak for one day. 

Mac asked him to stay if he wanted to, but Jack heard the desperate plea in the words. Mac didn't need him to stay, he wanted to fix things so he knew he and Jack were okay. And Jack would consider that if it wasn't for the fact that he was going to hurt himself further if he stayed. So he opted out of it. The chopper was about to arrive anyway. And Jack had to gather his things from the little abandoned house he used to bunk in. 

There was one last attempt from him, one last thing that he promised himself. After that, he was going to stop. 

“Hey, Mac?” 

“Yes?” 

“Don't be a stranger, okay?” 

Mac nodded and with one final nod Jack turned around, knowing full well that from now on, all the efforts and contact would be on Mac. But Jack wasn't expecting it to happen overnight. 

With that he walked away from Mac's place and headed home. To LA. Where he was supposed to navigate life without Mac for the second time. 

Chapter Text

If Jack was bad before, now… Riley had no words to explain what this was. She was watching over Jack like a hawk, trying to find the best moment to talk with him. She had to make him see that he shouldn't put himself in the ground just because Mac decided to return to Nigeria. It was easier said than done, because Jack didn't let anyone in. Not even Riley. 

And Riley didn't take it personally, she knew Jack loved her as if she was his daughter in blood. But it was hurting her to see Jack like this. Jack was not himself. If she had to guess, this was the Jack before Mac came into his life. Something Mac told her once they got friendly enough (aka the mission when they ended up in Chinese Intelligence and Jack was practically the only one believing in her, that she didn't flip sides. And she slapped him. Riley didn't want to think of that mission). Mac told her that back in the Sandbox, when he met Jack, that Jack was in a really dark place and that she had to be ready for it in case that Jack appeared again. Mac gave her pointers, because he could tell she cared about Jack, too, and she appreciated the effort. She just didn't know that Mac would be the reason for that Jack to make an appearance again. 

Mac's words that Jack wouldn't want you to know he was depressed unless you really knew what was happening droned in the back of her head as she watched Jack drag himself in the War Room. To everyone else it looked like Jack was fine, but Riley could tell. Jack was dragging his feet, trying to mask his fatigue, and she could see traces from the concealer Bozer developed for their missions, water and sweat proofed, underneath Jack's eyes. His eyes were dull, the constant light and mischief she came to look for when she was feeling a bit down, missing from them. His posture was too rigid, like a tight bowstring ready to snap. And Riley had to admit that she was scared to see what would happen if Jack did. 

The first time Mac left, Jack didn't give up on doing everything to hold on, make it through the day, look after Mac from afar and call it good enough. And Riley didn't want to say it out loud in front of Oversight, but Jack questioning his orders was actually something Riley agreed with. For as much as the guy seemed as smart as Mac, he lacked what Mac had in spades, and that was the view on the world Mac had. And Jack had a pretty similar view of the world to the one Mac had. Jack was smarter than what everyone gave him credit for. He knew how to think, and apply thoughts logically. It wasn't in his nature to be working behind a desk, but Riley was sure that if Jack was given the chance to work a job that wouldn't require him in the field, everyone would be happier than this dark cloud that happened upon them since Oversight revealed his face. 

The animosity she was sure he felt for Jack was palpable, and after months working for the guy with his face up close and personal, and not just from the background, Riley couldn't blame Jack for just shutting down. She had a hunch that James went to fetch Mac from Nigeria for his own personal reasons, because it wasn't for Jack's benefit. If she had to guess, she would put her money on Oversight collecting brownie points with Mac. Riley had the feeling that James MacGyver was a master manipulator and knew how to make things to work in his favor. And trying to convince his son to go and help find his best friend… well, Riley had to concede that it wasn't the weirdest thing she witnessed. 

She didn't know why but the strained relationship and tension between Mac and Oversight for a short time she witnessed, reminded her of Elwood. At least Elwood cleaned up his act and made an effort to want to get to know Riley, even though Riley was never going to forgive him for taking Jack from her. James seemed to have his own agenda and he didn't even want to make an effort. He was too controlling and hoping to get Mac back on board of the Phoenix that Riley shuddered at the thought of what James was ready to do to achieve that in the face of the possibility that Jack didn't get into trouble. She somehow knew that if Jack decided to go off the rails, that James would make an example out of him and try to use Jack's misgivings as a way to paint him in a bad light in front of Mac. 

Which led her back to the ever growing worry about Jack's reasons for working with Mareks. He didn't tell them anything except that he was searching for Walsh and finding Mareks instead. Somehow, it felt like there was more to the story than what Jack dubbed as “fixing his past mistakes and cutting off the head of the snake”. She had to smile at Jack's words, they felt like Jack decided to be Captain America to go and cut off all of Hydra's heads at once. She shuddered at the thought of what those words implied. 

And she knew that there was something more by the week Jack took off and his phone's signal tracking to Nigeria. Riley protected the signal from Oversight so all James would know is that Jack was in LA, at his apartment, recuperating. She didn't need Mac's dad to go and ruin things with his demands. Jack deserved to get his closure and she didn't care what she had to do, but Oversight was the last person that was going to learn about where Jack was at the moment. 

And thinking of her own shit father in the equation as Matty explained their next mission, she realized the reason why Oversight was never going to get forgiveness if he continued acting like this. At least Elwood owned up to his past mistakes and asked for a do-over and meant it this time. Riley couldn't say she would ever forget what happened, or excuse his actions, but that's where Elwood and James' similarities ended.

With James, as she learned in the months following his reveal to be Oversight, it was always about control and pulling all of their mistakes and failures and trying to make himself look good while doing it. At least with Elwood, he would just punch them and smash things, sometimes for no reason at all and leave it at that. She hated to imagine Mac's childhood before his dad left on his tenth birthday. Words hurt more than fists. 

Riley knew that she was telling herself lies about Jack and how he felt when Mac walked out of the War Room and straight towards wherever Mac went to. They learned later that Mac was in Nigeria, more specifically, staying in the village they helped save from the oil well explosion. She was telling herself lies about how Jack was a grown man, and that whatever he did wasn't influenced by Mac leaving. 

But seeing them work together again, albeit briefly and not in person, convinced her that Mac was for Jack the same what Jack was for Mac. A tether. Someone to lean on and help the other back up on his feet. They were inseparable as it was, and she could only try and guess why Mac chose to go back to Nigeria, but she saw what that did to Jack before. She chalked it up to Jack acting out like a sullen teenager, despite his age. She thought it was his way of rebelling against Oversight (although she could see why and wouldn't hold it against Jack). But what she wasn't aware of, until at least in that moment, was the impact Mac leaving had on Jack. How Jack lost the most out of them in a sense that he felt guilty for driving Mac away from them. Riley wasn't a stranger to how the search for James started. Granted, she and Mac barely knew each other, but she knew Jack and Jack had always been big on making amends while you could. Riley knew that Jack was the one to suggest Mac to contact his old man. And she was sure that now Jack truly realized just why Mac seemed so reluctant at times to continue the search, and obsessed at other moments. It was a vicious cycle, and Riley wasn't sure that it could be broken. Not until Oversight's identity was revealed. And that in itself opened a new can of worms. She knew Jack had regrets.

She didn't have the luck to meet Jack Sr. but from Jack's stories, despite all the bad days and the PTSD, he was a very good dad to Jack. And Jack always regretted not having more time with him. It could have been the spur of the moment suggestion, but she knew that Jack was the one that planted the seed of finding James in Mac's head. The regret that was slowly eating at Jack for years snapped when he did that. Something was telling Riley that the regret Jack was feeling now at having put things in motion so James could be found, was far greater than any regret he had over not having enough time to spend with his own father before it was too late. 

And Riley didn't blame Jack for it, she was sure Mac didn't either. But Jack blamed himself. She knew that. She could see that in the way he followed Mac in his search, the way he wouldn't give up even when Mac seemed to forget about it (or hid it well). Jack was as desperate as Mac, maybe even more, in finding James. Because he wanted to not have to search the whole damn world with Mac in tow. He needed to give Mac answers, like he was personally responsible for Mac's dad's disappearance. Riley thought that most of the things Jack did were influenced by his choices in the past, and the regrets he had about the mistakes he made. And trying to fix them the only way he knew. 

Did she wish Jack never left her and her mom? Yes. But did she hold it against him, still? No. It was her choice to let him back in when he reached out while she was still in prison. He couldn't tell her about what he was back then, but she knew when she hacked him and his file. She felt bad for what she did to him when she changed one of his reports out of spite. It felt so good at the time, but once they reconnected and she finally got to know Jack, she realized what she did was something a child would do. Well, she was a minor at the time, so you could argue that. But the point was, it didn't make her feel any better to learn that Jack almost lost his job and was shipped off to a blacksite for it. She changed it immediately when she saw the official reprimand and faked a letter from one of the tech guys at the Company, in which the boy apologized for the way the application they developed for writing reports malfunctioned. 

When she shared this fact with Jack he laughed about it, recognizing it as something she would do. But Riley could tell that there was underlying fear underneath all that, and she knew Jack was very certain he had his death warrant signed by the very agency he gave body and soul to.

And if Riley had something to say about it, she would bet that Jack never forgave himself for leaving. Riley knew now that it wasn't Jack's first choice on the matter, that he was going to stick around. But between Elwood's goons threatening Jack with hurting him and her mom yelling at him for retreating to violence, Jack chose to leave. 

Riley now knew that it was fear that drove her Jack away. Fear that if Elwood's people made good on their threat, that she, her mom, or both would have ended up hurt. And seeing Jack in action and the way he was with Mac told her that if something happened to her while Jack ignored something as dangerous as a threat on their lives, that he would never forgive himself for it. Jack couldn't bear to be the reason why his family got hurt. And she felt bad recalling how Diane had yelled at Jack about beating Elwood up, but Riley didn't understand why. She was pretty sure that if Jack didn't step in, they would have been hurt or maybe even dead. Riley hated that her last glimpse she saw of Jack until he walked back into her life was of bruises on his face and a split lip. She remembered the red in the white of his eyes where there were burst blood vessels, and the bruise under his left eye that was too close to the eye for comfort. The way he smiled sadly, like he knew that it was the last time they'd be seeing each other in years. Like he didn't want to go.

Riley was mad at her mom because for years she blamed her for Jack leaving, and then in turn her mom blamed herself because if she didn't do it, Jack would have stuck. Years later, when Jack explained, after Riley decided to take a gamble on and accepted him back in her life, she realized that only death would have separated Jack from them if it hadn't been the imminent threat. That thought had scared her back when she and Jack reconnected. But working this job she learned how to neutralize that fear and repurpose it in fuel.

Seeing him now with Mac, and realizing how Mac's and her story were similar, but quite different, she knew that Jack would do everything in his power to stay. And when Mac left, it was like he took a part of Jack with him. She just hoped that Jack didn't decide to leave again because that would have shattered her beyond repair. For Jack more than for herself.  

Riley knew what it was, where Jack's issues lay. It was more than just the need to be needed or to help. It was, in its core, the thought that he was being punished for what he did to Riley that was driving him crazy. Riley could see it. Jack was very tactile and a happy go lucky person. You wouldn't know that he had personal issues until he voiced them only after they wrecked havoc in his system. But something about Mac leaving for Nigeria and the subsequent ordering around Jack received from Oversight lowered Jack's reactions and his defenses. Jack was stripped bare from the need to hide them. And Riley could see just how much Jack hid from them so as to not make them worry. It hurt to even think that Jack was torturing himself with thoughts of how he failed them, and how he fucked up with both her and Mac. 

She just hoped Mac would at least talk with Jack and make things more bearable. She saw the way Mac looked like in the car in Belarus, when he told them that the reason why he didn't return Jack's calls was because of Jack not being ready to hear that Mac wasn't coming back. And Riley didn't want to tell Mac that Jack wasn't ever going to be ready for that. She knew that one day there'd be the moment when she'd decide to start a family on her own no matter what it'd be like or with whom. And she knew that Jack would have a hard time to accept that even though he'd be happy for his baby girl. She just hoped that by then Jack would have Mac back in his life. It'd cut her deep if Jack somehow ended up alone. And he'd be the first to tell them both that their choices mattered too, but the pain was too great to not consider at least staying close to Jack. 

At least that was what Riley fantasized about when they weren't getting shot at within an inch of their lives.

She was sitting in her car, staring at Jack's apartment unit like a creepy stalker for hours now, waiting for him to come home. Matty called her earlier to tell her that she was going to have a talk with Jack about some things, and judging by how she only mentioned Jack and not Mac too, told Riley that Jack didn't succeed in getting their favorite genius to come back home. So she decided to do some damage control, hence waiting for Jack. 

She took a deep breath. 

Chapter Text

Matty was waiting for Jack and while doing that, kept an eye on Mac, on one of her monitors. Just because he chose to stay in Nigeria didn't mean that Matty didn't care for him enough to still keep an eye out on him. 

James was impatient and kept asking her about Jack and after days seeing Jack watching over Mac in the unbearable heat, she had to make a decision. 

She just hoped that Jack wasn't going to be mad about it. She still felt bad for what she said to him awhile back and if she could go back in time and stop herself from doing that… she would. 

There were some things Matty Webber never let herself do, and the times she did do them, they were the ones that always returned to haunt her full force. She was so used to blaming Jack for things going sideways that it was her second nature, a thing she always went back to. It was easier to do that, explaining away the times she felt so damn guilty about having to make a decision and being unable to prevent the downfall. And Jack was always there to take the brunt, so she didn't really question it. It was a normal occurrence. 

Only now, seeing the absolute devastation of her team in the aftermath of Mac leaving shook her to her core and made her realize several things. One of the things was that, just as everyone on the team, she took Jack for granted. 

Jack had the ability to pass for nonchalant or not serious at all, but Matty knew better. She knew it was a front he put up for everyone. It was easier to fool people by acting goofy and happy than letting them see you and how you truly felt at any given moment. 

Jack was always wearing his heart on his sleeve, but he wasn't open with just anyone about the way he felt. And if there was one thing that she truly admired about Jack was the way he was always honest about things. There were no two ways with him, he would tell you what he meant and that was it. Pretty straightforward in Matty's opinion. 

But as time progressed she was able to see a darkness in Jack that wasn't there before. And she wished that their last stint together didn't end the way it did, because if she just kept an eye on him then, and watched his back, took some of the brunt in the downfall from their last case, then maybe… 

She wasn't even sure what the maybe was even for. She just wanted to make things right. 

Matty could see that Jack was genuinely afraid of her when she stepped in as a director after how the things with Thornton went, but she didn't think too much of it. But seeing the way Mac reacted when she mentioned that maybe he needed a new partner, told Matty more than she could have anticipated. Jack wasn't afraid of what would befall him, but rather Mac. And the team. 

She knew now where Jack's doubts lay, and the guilt he carried like it was nobody's business. It took her such a long time to see things for what they were, and now that she did, she had to make an executive decision to protect them all. Just like old times. 

…

When Jack walked in the War Room looking bone weary and tired, Matty was at a loss for words. She had a whole speech prepared for when Jack returned, but it all went out of the window when she laid her eyes on him. In that moment she wished that she was more than the director to her agent in all those situations, because it was clear that Jack needed someone, and they all kind of forgot that he needed support too. Jack was always the rock everyone needed, it always fell to the background what he was feeling or was in need of. You didn't see it until it was too late.

Matty was seeing that now, and she hoped she wasn't too late with working on damage control. She lost one agent to the fallout of Oversight's reveal, she didn't want to lose another. 

"Glad you made it back home, Jack." She knew her words fell flat, but she had to lead with something. 

Jack nodded and sat in one of the leather chairs. 

"As you probably know, there was no mission. At least nothing that can't wait." 

"Yeah, got your message. Can't believe you still remember the code we had." 

"You did too, otherwise you wouldn't have known." 

"Touche."

"Anyway, what I wanted to say was that you… I had to do this before Oversight got suspicious. You know how easy it was for him to believe that you flipped sides." 

"Yeah, he was."

"I'm sorry about that, too." 

"All quiet on the western front, Matty. I'd like to use up the last of my sick days now, if it's not a problem. You will get me back from Monday on. As good as new." 

Matty could tell that Jack was avoiding her. She knew that Jack knew what she actually wanted to know. But if Jack didn't want to talk about it, there was nothing Matty or the others could do about it. For all that Jack was loud and chatty and always had something to say, there were times that you couldn't pry words out of his mouth with pliers even. 

"How's our boy?" 

"He's doing fine. Living his new life as if nothing happened. And this time, I'm ready to let him have his way. I think he had more than enough people controlling him. Telling him what to do with his life." 

"You never did." 

"I kinda did. I told him to contact his father. I projected myself onto him. Just because I wished I had more time with my old man to work on our relationship. It backfired spectacularly in my face. I patronized him. In my need to keep him safe, I didn't see he didn't need me to run point anymore. He is pushing thirty, Matty, and he doesn't need me to crowd his space." 

Matty didn't like the way Jack was talking about himself, but at the same time she decided to leave him to get it all out. 

It was cut shorter than she expected, because Jack got on his feet and slowly moved towards the door. 

"I'm really tired, Matty. Unless you really need me, I'll go home and crash hard." 

"Go." 

Jack was halfway through the door when Matty called out for him. 

"Hey, Jack." 

He turned to face her, tired. 

"Take care of yourself, okay?" 

Something told Matty that Jack's tiredness extended past the physical aspect of it.

Chapter Text

Riley was pacing in front of Jack's apartment door. She was nervous about what she was about to do, but she had to do it before she burst out of her skin. She was vibrating. 

(Although the last one might have been the three coffee cups she consumed last night and the pumpkin spice latte Bozer bought for her this morning that she had no heart to refuse. Besides, Bozer would get suspicious if she said no. In hindsight she should have cut down on the caffeine and sugar… maybe. But that drink was probably the only thing keeping her awake and coherent.)

She heard the familiar steps approaching, the boots loud as the rhythmic thump-thump of Jack's feet on the stairs made itself known. Riley stopped her pacing and chose to play with her necklace as she waited for Jack. She knew by now that Jack was alone. And that Mac didn't come home with him as Riley hoped he would. She liked the semblance of normalcy they had for a couple of days while they searched for Jack. But that was all it was. Just a small reprieve. It was back to their new reality. And judging by the dragging of Jack's feet on the last stairs, Jack was as affected or even more than Riley was. 

Riley couldn't understand the way Jack was attached to Mac simply because she never really had a super best friend she felt compelled to stick around for and vice versa, but also because Jack seemed to be like a father to Mac. And she wasn't jealous of that relationship, despite popular belief. She didn't envy Mac and Jack. Jack had a different approach to his thing with Mac than the one with Riley. 

And Riley was sure that they looked towards Jack shutting out completely. After the fiasco between them with Jack leaving and then coming back almost ten years later in her life, she considered herself a good judge of character and was able to tell how everyone felt in a certain situation. And this time, she knew it was going to take a lot more to bring Jack back from the brink of despair. Jack was already starting to crumble when Mac left. Riley was afraid this time Jack would shatter. 

And she wanted to be there for him. Admittedly their thing didn't go well from the start. But she chose to give Jack a chance to explain himself. She had an inkling that Jack wouldn't just up and leave without a very strong reason. She was right when Jack told her that it was one of the people working with Elwood that threatened Jack with his life and those of Riley and Diane. Apparently Elwood was ruining her life long after he and mom separated. And it happened in the worst way possible. Having Jack in her life and then one day he just went missing. No word, no goodbye. 

The man who wanted to talk to her while she was still serving the start of her sentence was ready to redeem himself. He told her the truth after Riley said what the hell and let him in again. And she didn't regret it because Jack proved himself over and over again. And when he and Mac recruited her she said yes because she trusted Jack enough to know that he really needed her expertise. 

Looking at Jack now was like looking at Jack back then. With a few more gray hairs and lines around his eyes, but still the same. The haunted eyes, the regret etched in every step he took. The longing to make things right floating around him as an invisible cloak. Riley could tell things went sideways. And she was going to be there to pick up the pieces. Jack was there for her more times than she could count, even when she didn't know herself that she needed him. 

He looked surprised that she was there, but then he plastered a smile on his face and unlocked the door, letting her through and arming the alarm system. It was something she'd seen him do so many times, but only now she realized that he always did that. Put them all before him and his needs and they all took it for granted. It was possibly why she was so hit by Jack's sudden leave when she was a teenager, and why it was as if she was drowning on dry land. She promised herself not to attach herself to anyone, but it wasn't like she could spend her life always hypervigilant and afraid to commit. 

Now, it looked like Jack was faced with rejection and it probably wasn't pretty, and if Riley knew Jack well, she knew he'd blame himself for it and think he deserved it. Which he probably didn't, but Riley trusted herself to make him see. She saw Mac do it before. The only fear she had was the fact that it was Mac this time who was drawing lines and being the cause for why Jack looked like someone he cared had died. Riley wasn't Mac. But she would be damned before she let Jack destroy himself in front of her eyes, and she could stop it. 

“He didn't want to come back, did he?” 

“Nope.” 

“Did you tell him about the threat? What Mareks told you?” 

Jack looked at her with surprise and disbelief on his face. 

“Did you really think I wasn't going to find out? I'm a hacker, Jack. And he left an electronic trail a mile long when he sent you that message. I'm monitoring three of his associates that I suspect could be keeping an eye on Mac. So far no one has moved.” 

“I… thank you. You didn't have to do that. I had it under control.” 

“Sorry that I have to break it to you, but if that is keeping it under control… then you aren't. In control, I mean.” 

Jack didn't say anything which confirmed Riley's suspicions. 

“I know what you are going to say, and it's not true. And you know it. Mac would tell you the same if he was here.” 

Riley realized what she said a moment too late because Jack's eyes filled with tears and she had split of the second time to react before Jack made himself familiar with the floor. 

Keeping him upright and hugging him tightly, Riley let Jack sob in her shoulder. It was jarring how he was always the rock everyone needed, the person she needed to hold her at times and listen to her ramble for nothing in particular. There were so many things Jack never showed to anyone. She knew Mac was the exception, but boy, was she glad that was the case before, because suddenly she had no idea what to do. She was not equipped to deal with Jack's second emotional outburst in such a short time 

“Sorry. I'm so sorry, Jack. I spoke without thinking. I'm sorry.” 

It was as if the apology made things worse. Jack cried harder and the hitched breath and what felt like painful sobs even to Riley reverberated through her. Jack never shook, and here he was practically vibrating in her hold. She reinforced the grip she had around him, as if she could keep him together with a simple hug. But if that was all it took, she'd gladly do it until Jack was whole again. 

Chapter Text

It had been three months since Mac left for Nigeria again. And things were more or less normal. Jack was still going strong and despite Riley being scared that Jack would do something stupid, he proved her and everyone else wrong. 

Either that or he faked feeling better for their sake. 

A week after Jack's return from Nigeria, Mac called her. She was surprised, because she thought that the first person he'd be calling would be Jack. She told him everything that lay on her soul and she wasn't surprised to hear that Mac was sorry, but not ready to apologize to Jack, yet. He knew that he screwed up and that he had to work on repairing the relationship between him and Jack.

And she knew Jack, and that this time it'd take a while for him to forgive Mac and to go back to normal. 

And with the pace things were happening? Riley had a hard time to discern what was normal. At this rate, they were going to keel over from exhaustion before Mac decided to come back and ask Jack for forgiveness. Riley knew that it was coming. And that Mac needed time. 

She was glad Mac reached out to her. She realized that after all Mac ended up without anyone he knew in his life, so far from home. It was his choice, but still it wasn't something that he made lightly. And it cost him. In the wish to escape from his old life, from the father that never deserved a son like Mac in the first place, he pushed everyone else away. And Riley knew that it'd take Mac a while to make amends. 

But if she knew both Mac and Jack well enough, she knew that they would find their way back to each other..

In the meantime, she had to stop herself from blurting out to Jack that Mac was going to return to the States. He had already talked with Nasha and Solomon as well as all the other villagers and the kids. They all knew that Mac truly belonged with his family by choice and they wished him good luck and to visit as often as he could. Mac told Riley that he was going to return soon, the moment he had everything settled down in Nigeria. 

Brought back to the present, Riley was starting to dislike James MacGyver a little bit more. He was currently yelling at Jack about the importance of their mission. Boze was on an op together with Leanna so their team was limited to Riley, Jack and Matty often coming to the field with them. And now Oversight decided to join them on this one mission and he already took over. 

Now, Riley knew that Jack was a great strategist, and that he was able to plan an op in his sleep. They trained him for this, and in addition he was smart to boot. Where Mac was book smart, Jack was street smart, quick on the thinking in the moment. That was the reason why they made a good team. Improvising was their MO. 

Oversight was someone who watched things through the computer, and was practically a pencil pusher. If he was ever used to field work, he lost the touch a long time ago. Because what he was suggesting was so insane that Riley was ready to get in his face about it. 

The brilliant idea James came up with was to let Jack secure the perimeter alone so they could decide if it was worth it to let a TAC team inside. Jack tried to reason with James, but in the end James' argument won so Jack ended up with his tail between his legs and followed James' lead. 

It didn't take more than five minutes since Jack went inside when there was a loud boom and half the warehouse went up in flames. 

...

When Riley reached Jack, he was slumped in the corner, blood all around him and the smell of burned flesh attacked her nostrils when she got closer. But she'd shoot herself in the foot before she left Jack in the aftermath of the explosion.  

He looked awful though, there was blood coming from both his ears and his nose. He looked ashen. And he was shaking. 

Not good. Not good at all. He was going into shock. 

"We need medics, STAT!" She screamed as she slid on the floor next to Jack and took one of his hands in hers. She squeezed. 

Jack's eyes weren't tracking well, but he squeezed back lightly before he relaxed his grip. He looked scared. 

"Mac..." 

Riley was going to cry. Jack was scared for Mac even while he himself was in danger. Riley did not want to think of how most of Jack's clothes and TAC gear clung to him now thanks to the fire from the explosion melting it. She was grateful that Jack wasn't still burning when she found him. 

"Mac is okay, Jack. Don't worry." 

He is not even here, damn it.

"He wasn't supposed to be in the building... Why did he... Mac?" 

"Jack, hey, hey, calm down. Mac is fine. He wasn't in the building. He is safe." 

Jack's eyes were glassy and full of pain when he looked at her. And the way he looked off kilter told Riley that he was probably caught in a flashback or a memory. 

Great.

"Jack, I need you to listen to me." She was using that tone of the voice he was using on them when he tried to comfort them. 

Guess I'm turning in my father's daughter, then.  

"Yeah?" His breath caught on the word and he started coughing. 

Riley wanted to tear her hair out at the sound of groans and whimpers coming from Jack. He was careful not to show how much he was hurting whenever he was shot or stabbed, but right now he was in no state to control his reactions, so Riley had a front row seat to watch Jack unravel in front of her. And she was scared. This was her first time seeing Jack like this. This was usually Mac's domain. 

"You are going to be fine. Help is on its way. You'll be just fine." 

"D'n't... cry..." 

She wasn't aware that she was crying, Jack's perceptiveness made her want to scream. Even injured, he still was finely attuned to either of them hurting and tried to fix it. Soothe. Stop them from hurting. 

"Mac… are you sure he is okay?" 

Riley's heart broke. She was scared that Jack seemed to be lost somewhere, and wasn't really following what she was saying. 

"He is. In fact he is on a plane. He is coming home, Jack." 

There was a slight change, a shift in Jack's demeanor then. He looked at her, and she could tell that he understood what Riley was saying. 

"He is? Ri…" 

Jack started coughing again and she pleaded with him to not talk, to stay calm and quiet. That there will be time to talk and discuss things. She just hoped that she wasn't wrong about it and that there indeed would be more time. 

Chapter Text

Mac was halfway in the air when he got the email. He had his phone's battery die on him several hours into the flight and he decided to conserve the laptop battery as well, but somewhere along the way he felt something in his chest. The last time he felt like that, Jack was in trouble. 

Mac was on a flight to LA, after spending an additional three months in Nigeria and regretting all of his life's choices up to that point. At least the recent ones. 

He knew he messed up. He shouldn't have left in the first place. But he was too hurt and felt betrayed by everyone despite knowing they wouldn't do that to him. He trusted them. But in that moment, learning the person behind the curtain was his father and that he was literally under his nose all this time? It sat sour with Mac and he didn't want to acknowledge that. So he ran. He avoided everyone who tried to make contact, he didn't return Jack's phone calls, and despite saving all of the videos and voicemails Jack left for him, he never made himself return any of them. And then there was the Mareks situation. 

Mac didn't deal with that the best, and he had the urge to leave again. He knew that he was just running away from his problems instead of facing them. But he couldn't go back, not yet while things were fresh and hurt still. 

And then he hurt Jack. And kept hurting him. Until Jack just backed away and left. Mac thought that maybe if Jack realized that Mac was a lot, and that his problems were too much, that maybe it'd be easier. Mac knew that if it was Jack, he would have done that. Mac was far too damaged and with a lot of baggage and Jack didn't deserve that. 

But seeing things clearer now, after he talked with Riley, and decided that he was going to come back home, he was ready to fix things. He hoped that he didn't miss the time frame and that Jack was willing to forgive him. 

Opening the email, he recognized it was from Riley and reading the words, the vice around his heart was constricting more and more. 

Jack was in critical condition after being in an explosion. And Riley was telling him that things didn't look well for Jack. 

… 

Once in LA, Mac took a cab and headed straight to the Phoenix. Thanks to his last trip back home, his credentials were still active. Still, he felt weird having to rush through the Phoenix's halls in no official capacity. It felt like he was a teenager sneaking back home after he forgot the curfew. But Jack was in Medical and hell would freeze over before Mac felt bad about doing things this way. 

What he didn't expect to find was his father in the waiting room together with Riley. Riley immediately got up from the plastic chair and came to hug him. Still in shock over seeing his father there, Mac barely returned Riley's hug. 

"Where's everyone?" 

"Well, Boze and Leanna are on an op, Matty is manning the War Room, and… Jack is, well… you know." 

"I didn't expect you here, Angus." 

Mac didn't know what he expected, but it wasn't this response. 

"I was coming back anyway when I received the news. Can I see him?" 

"No, not yet. He is still monitored. The burns are bad and even though they are third degree… a section that's on his chest, and close to his collarbone." 

Mac sat heavily in one of the plastic chairs. 

"How did this happen?" 

"It was just an oversight on the team gathering the intel. I assure you, everything was supposed to go without a hitch." 

Mac looked at his father, immediately getting the feeling that he wasn't telling him the whole truth. 

"I'm not asking about the intel, dad. Why didn't anyone get inside with Jack to check the place out?" 

"I considered Dalton to be sufficient to cover the grounds. It wasn't a high risk mission, there was no need-" 

"There was no need?" Mac caught himself yelling, and then lowered his voice because they were in a medical setting after all. 

"Son, I'm sorry, but I made the best decision under the circumstances." 

"No, what you did is you almost killed Jack."

"Angus…" 

"Don't 'Angus' me, dad. You know that in these situations, you don't skip protocol because you thought that this was low risk. You never know what waits for you inside." 

"I…" 

"No. You know what, enough excuses. Just admit that you made a mistake and that Jack is paying for it and I'll never mention it again." 

"It's not like I planned for Dalton to get hurt, Angus." 

"You could have sent someone in with him. Preferably someone who knew how to deal with bombs and explosives." 

"Well, the best person we had on the team left, son. Should I remind you of that?" 

Mac felt like someone slapped him. Technically, his father was right. But the audacity to call Mac's actions out while he was gone for eighteen years was hypocrisy at its finest. Mac started to see red. 

"You are the last person that gets to talk to me about this. And there are enough people employed by the Phoenix who know their way around a bomb or any other explosive device. We are employing one of the best people out there, and I have no doubt that in my absence you couldn't find someone to substitute me." 

"There is no one quite like you, Angus. Besides, this team does not need more changes. Plus, your skills are one of a kind, you are a genius, and no one is going to be you." 

Mac pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"That is the thing, dad. No one had to be me. You really can't see that your reasoning is turning around me and you don't see the whole picture? I left because of you, because of what you did behind my back. Believe me, I am aware of the changes this team, my team, went through. But just because I wasn't around, that doesn't mean that there's no one out there that can help. And don't sell me that bullshit about me being one of a kind, irreplaceable person-" 

Just then, there was a doctor entering the waiting room and Mac dropped the conversation with his father in favor of getting more information about Jack.

"Is any one of you Mr. Angus MacGyver?" 

"Yeah, that's me." 

"I am new at this job and I don't know you from before, sorry. I'm Dr. Langston, and you are listed as Mr. Dalton's next of kin and power of attorney. You have to come with me to discuss Mr. Dalton's diagnosis and treatment." 

Mac didn't want to leave in the middle of the conversation, especially not when he finally got a reaction out of his father about something, but Jack was more important. 

…

Jack was lying in the bed when Mac got in the room. Things weren't looking good and Mac thought that the doctor's decision to let Mac inside was made out of pity. Maybe he thought that Mac would have to get this one moment with Jack before things were over. 

Mac was not a pessimist, but he was a realist and knew enough in terms of medical jargon to understand that Jack's chances for survival were really low. Something heavy and sad lodged itself deep inside Mac's chest at the prospect of possibly losing Jack. He was already blaming himself that it took him three months to decide to return home and this time for good. And now, it looked like he arrived too late. 

Still, it took a lot more than this to render Mac hopeless. He was not going to give up on Jack. It wasn't what Jack would have wanted, and as long as the strong Dalton heart was beating inside Jack's chest, there was hope. 

And Mac was a little bit selfish, but he really wanted to get his chance to apologize. Jack deserved that much. 

Mac remembered what one of the docs explained to him when he was little and his mom spent more time in the hospital, asleep, than at home. That people who were in a coma or generally asleep because they were in pain or tired, that they listened to the people they loved as they talked. 

Mac didn't have a chair to sit on, but that didn't bother him. For Jack he would stand as long as it should.

Taking Jack's hand that wasn't connected to the IV, Mac held it between his hands, and he started talking about everything and nothing at all. It was therapeutic and cathartic and he hoped Jack listened at least a part of what Mac said. 

Mac was hoping and praying he'd get a chance to say that to an awake and well Jack, too. 

Right when he was supposed to leave the ICU room, there was a light squeeze on Mac's hand. 

…

Mac spent the better part of that day thinking about the squeeze. He was starting to think that he was imagining it. It was one of those moments he would have liked to have someone with him to confirm that the thing had actually happened. But be as it might, he was alone. 

Mac hoped against all odds that this wasn't it, that he and Jack would get another chance to repair their relationship. Well, Mac was going to give his best to fix things. He didn't have a lot to offer as it was except an apology, but he really hoped that Jack would at least give him the chance to explain. 

Things looked up during the next day when the doctor told them that Jack had miraculously pulled through and he was officially out of the critical condition. 

Now, Mac was none the wiser when it came to things like these, but he sure believed that this was a miracle. What they all needed. And Mac did not believe in those kinds of things although Jack did, but he wanted to just now, because it looked like Jack pulled through because he felt his presence and he knew that Mac was there and that helped him decide to come back from wherever he was stuck. Mac wanted to believe that he pulled Jack out of death's claws one more time. 

And by day three, his father approached him again. 

…

Which in hindsight was not supposed to surprise Mac. From what he remembered of his father back in the day, he was relentless when he wanted to hammer out a point. And he wasn't going to stop until it was his opinion that won. And Mac did not want to argue. It was not the time nor the place. And frankly, what was happening currently outweighed any need Mac had for the issue with his dad to come to an end.

"I wanted us to talk about what happened to Agent Dalton. I still stand by my decision and I don't want you to be angry with me anymore than I have to be angry with you, Angus." 

Mac faced his father. It was once again the waiting room at Phoenix Med and this time it was just the two of them. Mac was waiting for Jack to be transferred to a regular room and had some time to kill. 

"You know, what you don't get dad, is the fact that you are always approaching things from your point of view. Not thinking that things aren't always the way you imagine them to be. That's one thing I did not miss all these years." 

"Son, I don't want to make a mess out of this. Why don't you just let go?" 

"Why? Well, for one, the reason number one why I can't let go of this is you. You left. On my birthday. And I learned that you lived and worked under my nose for the past eighteen years. That I worked for you! How is that for a start?" 

"I explained to you-" 

"Not good enough." Mac hissed and he realized that he was getting worked up. 

"What do you want me to do, son? Tell me and I'll do it." 

"How about rewind the time to March 23rd 2000 and don't leave. That would be great." 

"I don't appreciate the sarcasm, Angus." 

"And I don't appreciate dishonesty, patronizing me, and the complex of higher value you have going on." 

It felt like Mac was on the right track. His father seemed surprised that Mac would talk back to him. The tables were turned now, he wasn't that little kid anymore. He was done giving the time and attention to people who did not extend him the same courtesy. 

And if his father continued to lie to him about stuff and act like Mac had to accept him back in his life… then Mac would have to decide, once and for all, to let things go. Or rather to let his father go and turn a new page. 

"You wanted us to talk and we'll talk, dad. But this time I will talk and you will listen, because this extends past what happened to Jack, and you owe me that much after being absent for a better part of my life." 

"I was never truly gone, Angus." 

"You were. Watching me behind a screen and orchestrating my life behind the scene is not being present in my life the way I needed. You just upped and left and then I learned that you were basically running my life. So I am going to say my piece without you saying anything, otherwise it'll get ugly. It's not enough to just send me on missions and follow my every step without me knowing about it. And don't you dare interrupt me, otherwise the next time you and I will be talking is going to be never. Got it?" 

Mac could see that his dad took a step back and there was fear in his eyes. And Mac wasn't a person who was gloating, but this time he was feeling the little red devil perched on his shoulder while it whispered in his ear. And it was telling him to not give up until he said it all. 

It was way overdue. 

"You know, me and Jack, we always ended up talking about his father. And I always wondered why I couldn't extend him the same courtesy, and talk about mine. And the more I think, the more I realize that it's hard for me to remember what was life before mom died. Because you were always cold and distant. I kept hearing how Senior was proud of Jack when his team in high school won third place. And when I won something lower than first, it was always about me not trying enough. Not doing enough. I was never enough for you, but I stupidly hoped that maybe it was a phase, you know? Maybe it was something that all parents did, not just my father. I discovered too late that that wasn't how things are supposed to be. But who am I to argue this point with Mister Perfect?" 

"Angus…" 

"You may not understand this, dad, because you think that what you did was a favor, that you protected me by leaving, but the only person you protected was yourself. If you wanted to protect me, you weren't going to throw me into this job fresh out of the Army. You couldn't get used to me being so far away from you and you had to plan my life as much as you could. And Jack… He chose me. He always chooses me and hasn't made it feel like I have to work for his affection." 

"You cannot honestly compare that man with me, Angus, I am your father, and Jack is just your glorified bodyguard whom you put on such a high pedestal-" 

"That is your takeaway from all I just said to you?" 

"What else do you want me to say, Angus?" 

"Well, how about your real reason that you left? And acknowledging that you were wrong about this. Because your way is not the right way, not in this case, dad. Don't give me that bullshit that it was about protecting me or that I reminded you too much of mom. She might have been your wife, but she was my mother. I lost her too. That didn't give you the right to deprive me from the only parent I had left. Although with all of this? I am not sure if you would have done me a favor by staying." 

James MacGyver turned away at those words, pacing in the hallway, almost like he was formulating an answer. Mac wasn't going to put it past his dad to do just that. And the fact that his father didn't even flinch when Mac kept flinging the accusations his way… There was something about that that unnerved Mac. And that fear in his father's eyes was so unexpected that Mac didn't know what to make of it. Everything that his father did was with an agenda. When he turned to face Mac again, Mac could see it, the facade was back on James' face. It was as if a switch was flipped and the little feelings James showed were shed like extra skin and the mask was back in place. 

"Look, Angus, I did my best to leave you in the hands of Harry. And then I hired Dalton, who I thought was more than competent for the job. What I did not anticipate was that bond you two formed. I didn't know you two would connect so much. Not when he is not your type-" 

"And how do you know what my type is, dad? He made the effort, he is making it every day, even when I make it hard for him. He knows me and what I like, how I breathe. It's more than you'll ever know or experience, so if you have any regrets about hiring him, then save it." 

"What is it about him, anyway?" 

Mac laughed a hollow laugh.

"That is rich, coming from you, but to put you out of your misery, there's something that's called choice. And Jack chose to stay. You really don't understand how human relationships work, do you? No wonder I'm so fucked up and with zillion issues." 

"I don't understand." 

"Well, for starters, Jack did everything to stick around. He wasn't hiding behind the scenes and in an office, dad. He gave up on his life after the Army for me. He came to LA for me. He even came to Nigeria to try and convince me to reconsider leaving LA. Nothing you ever did. So don't preach to me about keeping me safe and in the hands of trustworthy people. Because I know that. What I needed was my father. And now that I got him back… I don't know if I have it in me to forget." 

"Son, I only wanted the best for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it has come to this. But I made a decision that was the most logical with everything that happened." 

"Of course. Just like with Jack a few days ago. And you can't admit that you were wrong about all of it. You know what, I am tired of this. I just… it's been eighteen years, dad. And I know that you want to be a part of my life all of a sudden, but I still have to deal with all of it. And forgive me for not picking up where we left off as easily as you are able to." 

"I'm not-" 

Mac raised his hand to silence his father. He wasn't in the mood to hear any more justifications, like he was a little kid. The fact was, he wasn't a kid anymore. He wasn't the ten years old boy, waiting for his father to come back home, hug him and kiss him and give him a gift for his birthday. He was not that kid anymore, he was a grown man and he was not going to let his father come back into his life after so long and expect Mac to be okay with it. 

Mac had so many other things to say and to ask his father about, like what if it wasn't for Mac's resignation, would he have shown his face? But in the end, Jack was more important than anything Mac had to settle with his father. He waited for eighteen years, there would be a time and a place for more. 

Jack was going to punch his father by now if he was there and heard all of what his father had to say. Mac was just tired. And he really wanted to put an end to this. 

"Look, dad, I think that this is enough talk for now. I… I need to be there for Jack now." 

Mac didn't wait for a reply, heading towards Dr. Langston's office to ask about Jack's new room number and how he was doing. 

Chapter Text

It took a while for Jack to get truly out of the woods, but he was healing faster than anticipated. He woke up several times to find several members of their team by his bedside. And Jack was viable to hallucinate after everything that happened. He thought he saw Mac a few times, and thought he remembered Riley saying that Mac was coming back home. 

Jack was feeling progressively tired, the longer they went on back to back missions. Even before the explosion, he was running on fumes. And Riley and Bozer as well. 

Jack was hurting everywhere and for the better part of a week he slept constantly. If he had to guess, he was on morphine for the pain. He knew that it was going to get worse than this from now on. Once they gradually started to wean him off the meds, he would be able to feel every hair on his head hurting. 

Jack couldn't hold his eyes open for longer than a couple of minutes at a time, but he could feel there was a permanent warmth next to his right side, something that was missing since Mac left for Nigeria. In his worst moments he liked to imagine Mac never left and the warmth source was indeed Mac. 

Jack thought he was listening to Mac talk to him, telling him about the kids in the village, about helping Nasha teach and helping Solomon with building things that made their life easier. 

Jack wasn't sure if he made up that last part, but Mac sounded happy to be back home and Jack truly wished that when he woke up for real that Mac wasn't going to be a figment of his imagination. 

…

Mac watched as Jack woke up for a few minutes every day and looked around the room, settled on each of them and went back to sleep. It was normal for him to be still sleeping, the doctor explained that to Mac when Mac came to him worried because of that. Mac watched Jack's progress like a hawk, showering and refreshing himself in the built-in bathroom in Jack's room, and not leaving Jack's side for more than a few minutes. Most of the staff at Medical knew him by now, so when Jack was transferred to the room, there was a cot waiting for him. 

Mac couldn't get a decent sleep, not while he was waiting for Jack to wake up, but he tried to get some rest. He knew that Jack would berate him for not taking care of himself in the process, and Mac didn't want to worry Jack. Especially not now when he was in such bad shape. Mac could laugh if the situation wasn’t so tragic, how it took him leaving halfway across the world, and Jack getting hurt right when he decided to return, to make him take care of himself. It was a bittersweet thought to have, that Jack would be proud of him for once in his life having his priorities straight.  

It was a couple of weeks of barely there awake moments for Jacks, and several times Jack squeezing his hand, before there was any real progress. Mac cried in relief every time Jack touched him, being unable to see it was really Mac by his side. Mac knew that Jack would be waking up to a world of pain and that alone made him think it was better that Jack was still not ready to return to the land of the living. But at the same time, Mac wished for Jack to wake up, because there were so many things he had to say to Jack, and so many things they had yet to do…  

…

It was on a Friday when Jack finally opened his eyes and he stayed up for longer. It was a huge shock for both of them, Mac could tell by the way Jack took him in. Mac didn't know how to proceed once he had Jack looking at him like he sprouted another head. How does one deal with these kinds of situations, Mac wondered. But he didn’t have to wonder for long when the doctor and the nurses came to the room, probably some silent alarm on the monitors alerting them to Jack being awake.

Once the doctor checked Jack's vitals, they were left alone. There was an awkward silence in the room that wasn’t there before Mac left. Sure, they had those tense moments throughout the years, either during stakeouts, or having a drink with old buddies, but it was more a cringe worthy kind of a moment than whatever this was. Mac could feel Jack’s intense eyes on him as he looked everywhere but at his best friend and partner. 

Great job making him feel wanted, MacGyver.

"Hey, hoss." 

"Hey. Welcome back." 

"Am I dead?" 

"You are very much alive, Jack. And so am I." 

"But you..." 

"I came back. I was on my way over when Riley called me. I wanted to surprise you and ask for your forgiveness." 

Jack smiled and Mac didn't realize just how much he missed the rugged features of Jack's face and the eye crinkles... The soft laugh lines and permanent wrinkles on his forehead from too much worrying, but laughter and happiness.

"I forgave you a long time ago, kid, you don't have to-" Jack was interrupted by a jagging cough that scared Mac. The doc said that Jack would experience the coughs and the nausea for quite some time. Getting burned on the outside and inhaling smoke on the inside were a killer combination. 

Mac shuddered at the thought of Jack possibly dying before Mac had the chance to come back home and talk with him, apologize and ask for forgiveness. 

"Hey, you want some water?" 

Jack nodded and Mac helped him sip on some water through a straw. They had gone through their fair share of illnesses and being hurt to know not to drink the water at once. Once Jack was done drinking, Mac put the cup away and sat down on the chair next to Jack's bed. 

Jack's right arm was bandaged all except the tan line around his wrist and his palm. Thanks to the wrist cuff, that piece of skin stayed intact. The left one held the numerous IVs Jack was hooked on, a pulse oximeter and a nasty burn that the doc said it was left uncovered because he wanted it to dry out naturally. He feared an infection festering if the burn was covered. 

There was the bad burn on Jack's collarbone that Dr. Langston feared would leave an irreparable damage to that section of Jack's neck and skin as well as an impressive scar. Jack's chest fared a bit better because of the vest, but still, some of the fabric melted and there were some patches here and there. 

Mac was still waiting on the verdict on Jack's back. Dr. Langston said that despite the severity of the other burns, Jack's back would likely take the most work and would hurt a lot. 

Mac wasn't sure about anything at this point, he just wanted to spare Jack from the pain. Jack was doped up on the good stuff and except the occasional keen and whimper, he was more or less pain free. Mac knew that it wasn't going to last long. He was in for a painful treatment of the burns. Ointments, bandage changes, skin grafts. Just all around pain.  

Mac wanted to punch something. Jack did not deserve this. 

"You know that even if you were there, that there's nothing you could have done to prevent this, right?"

Jack's voice was tinny and raspy, but clear as he said that and Mac looked up into whiskey brown eyes, warm and glassy from the drugs. 

"I don't know about that, Jack. I read the report..." 

"And nothing. The bomb was set to blow way before I even got inside. I saw the timer, man, someone would have gotten hurt regardless if it was inside or outside." 

"What do you mean?" 

"The bomb… the timer was set like whoever planted it… Like they knew we were coming. Not even your miracle working would have worked. I-" 

"Jack, take it easy, okay?" Mac tried to calm Jack down because his partner was coughing again. 

"I… I remembered something. The timer. The timer started when I got in the warehouse. You know that sound most bombs make when, when you step on them or you cut the wrong wire?" 

Mac nodded, he knew that very well. He wished he never heard that sound outside of the Sandbox, but sadly he had heard it too many times in the years after their discharge. 

"You think you were set up." 

"Whoever was supposed to get inside… It felt like it was going to blow up for certain. Trust me, I have worked with you for a long time, and I learned a thing or two about bombs. And none of them activate by themselves when someone gets in a room, without it being helped." 

Jack was right. Most of the people who liked to bomb things set up the timer either before they left the place where they put it, leaving enough time for them to leave the premises, or they detonated it remotely. Sometimes they had to be real close to do that, and Mac could usually tell when that was the case. And as it happened, the remnants of the bomb that nearly took Jack from him was from the ones that had to be activated within a close range of motion. Preferably in the building, or outside of the building. Which meant he had to talk with everyone that was on that mission, and could have possibly done that. The intel was bad, Mac could tell that even without reading the report and seeing all of the stupid things his father did in the process. But having Jack say what Mac was already fearing was just what he needed to start an investigation. Or have Matty do it.

Either way, things weren’t going to end there. 

“Mac, you alright in there?”

Jack sounded worried. Mac berated himself. 

“Yeah, sorry, I was thinking about the bomb.”

“Yeah?”

“What you just told me, it changes things. And it means I'll have to talk to my dad. Which I told him I wouldn't be doing. This is a mess." 

"What happened?" 

"I'll tell you about it when you feel better. I’m not ready to get into it just yet. But long story short, we had a fight." 

"Okay. I’ll take your word for it."

There was silence in the room after that, but for the first time in a while the silence wasn't awkward. Mac didn't feel like he had to break it with something, and possibly make things worse. 

He planned on asking Riley to help him check some things about the mission, but for now Jack had his full attention. Other things could wait. 

“Mac?”

“Hm?”

“You know you can always come to me when you are having a rough time, right?”

“I know that, Jack.”

“Being apart for a while didn’t change that. Just wanted you to know that.”

“Thank you.”

Chapter Text

Mac was hell bent on discovering what happened with Jack and the mission. Despite his initial impulse to go to his dad and talk about the mission again, he forewent that thought the longer he thought about it. He was going to get to the bottom of it, but he had to do it with someone that was going to be trustworthy. And Riley was Mac's best choice. 

While Jack was recovering, and finally fell asleep, Mac went home where he showered and changed. Then he drove to Riley's place. He knew that Riley was home because he asked her and Bozer to get some rest. Boze was sleeping at home, he knew that because he sent Mac a text earlier that morning telling him that he was going to use the day to catch up on some much needed sleep. He was still caught up in a side project, and Mac was glad Bozer got to rest. Besides, Riley was the more likely candidate to help him with what he needed, given that she was the computer tech. If anyone could get to the bottom of things, it was Riley. 

Mac’s only wish was for whichever information he was going to stumble upon, for them to be digital. Or at least have a digital trail on where to find the paperwork. 

Riley answered the door wearing one of Jack's t-shirts over ripped jeans, looking like she just got out of the shower. She looked instantly on alert, given that it wasn’t that often that Mac knocked on her door. Usually they gathered around in Mac’s house or Jack’s apartment to unwind, which was why seeing Mac at her door looked like there was something bad happening. 

"Hey, Riles." 

"Hey. Everything okay with Jack?" 

"Yeah. It's not him why I'm here. Well, it is and it isn't. It’s complicated. Can I get inside?" 

"Sure." 

Riley got them both a beer without question. He probably looked like he needed one. Mac sipped on his for a while, trying to arrange his thoughts while Riley went and got dressed for the day and then joined Mac in the living room, seating herself on the couch, next to him. 

"Riley, I am going to ask you for a favor, but I, uh, can I ask you to do things a little bit more quietly?" 

"You mean like through unofficial channels?" 

"Yeah." 

"I can definitely do that. And not that I need a reason, but why are you asking me to do this low profile?" 

"Because I want to connect some dots, but I don't want to go accusing my dad about something without having hard evidence. I also don’t want him to snoop around. I’m pretty sure he is monitoring all active official channels, and I would like to not give him a reason to ask. I’m not that good at lying when it comes to people that know me." 

"That doesn't sound ominous at all." 

"I have a hunch. And he's been deflecting. And I really don't want to talk to him about this. Or at all if I can help it." 

“Still mad at him about what happened to Jack?”

Mac nodded. Riley understood him well because she knew just how much the situation with his father was getting to him. 

“That’s why I need this to go as quietly as possible.”

"Of course I will do that, Mac. You wouldn’t even have to explain why, you just say the word." 

"Thank you." 

"Don't mention it." 

"Thanks for the beer, Riles. I should probably head back to Medical." 

"Hey, Mac, wait a moment. How are you feeling?" 

"I don't know, Riles. I feel like I was too late." 

"For what?" 

"All of this. Instead of staying and facing my problems, talking to Jack about things… I just left. Twice, Riley. And I broke his heart. I don't want him to think that I came back only because he got hurt." 

"Then just tell him the truth. I know it looks like he doesn't want to talk to you, but he has been waiting for this opportunity. He knew you were going to come around."

"You know, everyone keeps telling me that, but I am not sure I believe it." 

"Mac, listen. Was Jack hurt when you left? Yes. As a matter of fact, we all were. But Jack, and all of us, we understood why you did it. And that doesn't make us love you any less. Or hearing you out. Just trust me. Jack will hear you out. As will you. Hear him out, I mean." 

"I sure hope you are right, Riles." 

"I know I am. Now, go."

“I probably should have led with that, but he woke up right before I came here.”

“That’s great news, Mac. Tell him I said hi and that I will come and visit him.”

“Will do. Bye, Riley.”

“Bye, Mac.”

…

When Mac went to Medical several days later, Jack was wide awake and trying to eat his first solid food in over three weeks (two of which he spent in a coma). It was clear that his hands were bothering him, Jack was grimacing in pain. But he managed somehow, and Mac was proud of the progress Jack had made the last week. 

Mac remembered not so long ago when he had been the one with the burned hands and Jack was the one helping him with everyday tasks, so he decided to return the courtesy. Just as he was about to make his presence known, Jack lifted his head up and looked at Mac. Mac entered the room and smiled. Jack smiled back, at least some of their camaraderie wasn't tainted. Jack still knew where Mac was at any time, and he didn’t need computer screens to do so. 

"Hey." 

"Hey. You are back." 

"Yeah. I went home to shower and change." 

Mac understood the thing that Jack didn't say. Jack was afraid that seeing Mac after waking up was just a dream. 

"I wanted to talk to you about something. We didn't really have a good chance for much talking when you first woke up and… it's better for me to say it now than wait." 

"I know what you are going to say, Mac." 

"No, I don't think you do. And I really need to say this. I know I have no right asking you to hear me out, after how I fucked things up, but I have to try." 

"Okay. Go ahead." 

"I have to apologize. For all that happened. For my behavior and what I said and what I did. It wasn't fair to you and the others. And I know that it'll be awhile until you all trust me again, because I broke that trust when I left. But I hope that you can forgive me and allow me to work on repairing what I broke. Unless I'm too late about that." 

"I told you, kiddo, I forgave you the moment you decided to leave. It's like a second nature to me to worry about you. And to know when you are hurting and when you need space. How you usually lash out when you are scared." 

"You know me well." 

"Yeah. I have to admit that what you did hurt me, hoss. But that doesn't mean I stopped loving you. I still got your back, even if it's from thousands of miles away." 

"I'm back for good." 

"I know. Riley told me. And the fact that you came back to see me. Kinda hard to make an escape with me confined here." 

"I'm sorry, Jack." 

"I am, too. But that's not really why you are here, am I right?" 

Mac thought about lying. Maybe deflecting until Jack was feeling better and he could offer some advice to help Mac. 

"How do you always know?" 

"My Mac radar is going off in all directions, what can I say?"

“You are not going to wait until you feel better, are you?”

“Something is bothering you, I can tell. And the way you are fumbling around me, trying to get me to rest and recuperate before I can even help tells me it’s something serious.”

Mac sighed and playfully rolled his eyes, making sure Jack saw it. 

“I knew it. Okay, spill it.” 

"I think the bomb was intentionally left there at the warehouse, like you said. And whoever gave you the information for the raid was the person responsible for setting it up." 

"That would be…”

“Dear old dad.” 

“No way.”

“Yes way.”

“But Mac, that is a huge risk, even for him. Besides, there are a lot of ways for him to have been able to off me, whenever and wherever he wanted to. He didn’t have to go to an elaborate length of planning this as an accidental bomb discharge. Not with you finding out all about it there is to be found. No. Mac, it can't be." 

"It absolutely can. My dad is smart, maybe smarter than me. And he knows how to build a bomb. I remember my mom, before she got sick, she always yelled at him about doing that around me. And to answer you, he wouldn’t have been worried at all about me, because I was out of the picture as far as he was concerned. Had Riley switch the codes for his flags on my name and papers, so he didn’t get the ping that I was on a plane to LA."

Jack nodded and Mac just went through all of that in his head and concluded that he was right in his conclusion. His father would take the risk if he knew no one else could get on his way, or potentially discover his plot. But then Mac appeared out of the blue. He was the wildcard his father didn’t count on. 

Absentmindedly, Mac realized Jack was talking to him. 

“What were you saying, sorry?”

"To what end? Why would he want us dead?" 

"Not us, Jack. You." 

Jack let the spoon fall back on the plate and blinked several times. 

"Come again? Me? Why?" 

"Yeah, well, it’s complicated. In light of my assumptions and what happened, I think he wouldn’t hesitate to go against the two of us. But I am his golden goose, so he wouldn’t want to make it so easy and get rid of the son he was manipulating for his gain for eighteen years. And I just fell into that trap, like a stupid person does. Damn.” 

Mac sat down on the visitor’s chair, quietly angry at himself for not seeing any of this before. 

“He was a master manipulator that managed to get where he is now just by doing that, Jack. I have no doubt he has his own agenda why he would want to do what he did, although I think it’s more than obvious why he would want you out of the picture.”

Jack made a face like he tasted a sour lemon. Ouch. Way to be considerate, MacGyver, Mac berated himself again. 

“Sorry, Jack, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine. I know exactly what you wanted to say. I happen to agree with that assessment. But what I am interested in is, what made you think so?”

“I talked to him about the mission before you woke up, and it all felt like he already had a rehearsed answer to all my questions. That you had to follow orders, that you were completely capable of going in by yourself when we know that's not agency protocol."

"Well, we never really did follow protocol…" 

"But not in a case like this. Not when one mistake can cause people to die. Or in your case, get directly in the blast radius and suffer from second degree burns. Tell me when exactly have we broken protocol in such sensitive situations?"

“You are right, hoss.”

“Of course I’m right.”

"So what you are saying is that your father was trying to kill me?"

"Yes, Jack, that's what I'm saying. And I want to try and find evidence that will corroborate that." 

"Woah, woah, hoss, hold your horses. What if it's true and he really did this? This is dangerous on so many levels." 

"Have you looked at what we do for a job, Jack?" 

"Not that kind of dangerous, Mac. This is your father that we are talking about."

"He dared to mess with you. And he turned my life upside down when he finally decided to show his face." 

"What if it isn't him?" 

"Then he won't ever know we investigated him." 

"Okay." 

"Just okay?" 

"Okay, I'm in. I got you covered, Mac. What else do you want me to say?"

“I don’t know. Nothing really.”

Jack put the plate away, and moved around, trying to adjust in his bed. He faced Mac head on and held his gaze.

“If you think I’m just going to sit here, in this bed, and wait for all of this to magically go away before I even wonder who did what and you have your suspicions, you are sorely mistaken. I could be crippled and I won’t be doing that, kid. Now that you have shared your worries with me, you make damn sure I am in the loop with the plans and all of that jazz, because whoever it is, even if it’s your father, I am gonna personally be there to punch the smile off their face when it happens. Capiche?”

“Noted.”

“There you go. Nobody messes with my kid and lives to tell the tale.”

"Thank you, Jack." 

"Don't mention it."

Jack settled on his back and released the handle on the morphine drip, lifting his bed up to face Mac at a better angle. But instead of pulling the handle in the direction where he could up the dosage, Jack cut off the medication dose to the basic supply. He probably wanted to be as lucid as possible. 

"So, what's your plan?" 

Chapter Text

Jack was in PT and Mac had some time to kill so he got downstairs to the lab, helping Jill with a project she was stuck on. Ever since he returned to LA and temporarily with the Phoenix, Mac came to the lab, both as a distraction and to familiarize himself with this place again. He never realized just how much things changed in the time he was absent from the Phoenix and how much he actually missed working here. He wasn't sure if he wanted to return fully to work at the Phoenix, but for now this felt good. Getting his mind off of what happened to Jack and wondering if what he asked Riley to do was a good thing. 

He still called Nasha and Solomon regularly, updating them on his life and on Jack since they were all worried about him. He didn't feel as bad for leaving when he did. Somewhere along the way he realized that LA, and more than that, the people in LA, his family, were his home. And that his stay in Nigeria was just that, a short stay, his system rebooting and preparing him for what he was about to face after his return to LA. Solomon and Nasha were understanding about that and they told him that they hoped he would find his way back to familiar ground. And of course they hoped that Mac and his friends could visit them sometimes. 

Mac was tinkering with one of the smoke detectors, the Phoenix apparently was due to change them, when Riley flew through the lab door like a fury. She was carrying the laptop like it was holding all the secrets of the world. And technically, there could be secrets in that laptop about Mac's world, so he didn't think his observation was unfounded.

Riley stopped in front of Mac's desk and tried to get her breath under control. Luckily, there were only a couple of the lab techs still in the office, it was lunch time after all. Mac looked up at Riley expectantly and the grim expression on her face told him that whatever Riley discovered on her hunt was not good. 

"Have you found anything?" 

"There is something that has caught my attention in my initial search and I flagged it. Tried to look into it, but it was an LAPD file on an explosion dating 1995, and that is way before my time as a hacker. I was a little more than three or four years old at the time and we didn’t even have a computer. But I digress." 

"That hasn't stopped you before." 

Riley smiled, but it looked more like a grimace. Whatever it was that she learned, it wasn’t pretty. Mac was suddenly on higher alert. 

"Yeah, but you know how long it took for me to hack the database last time. It took me almost a day to just bypass the encryption, let alone get inside the LAPD's technical support. They might be just a police department, but they are fixing bugs and loops faster than I can find one. And I do not want to risk sending them a virus to get inside their system unless I have a real, viable threat."

"You think we are grasping at straws?" 

"No, I think you have the right to know what he is up to, since he hasn't given you a straight answer from the day he reappeared. I just don't want to be responsible for something going awry if my virus touches important files. Those cases are all important, I’d feel like shit if dangerous people were left to roam the streets of LA as free as birds just because I was inside their computers and fucked up their files."

"Understandable. Do you by any chance have the case file number?" 

"Yes, I texted it to you. There are several other odds and ends that I'm trying to decrypt. It will take a while, but hopefully I will have some answers for you soon." 

Mac got up from his seat and started pacing. He had a feeling that the LAPD case file was important. He studied the components of the bomb that blew up and almost took Jack away from him, yet he hadn't reached a conclusion. This started feeling like a wild goose chase, but Mac was sure his father was somehow involved. Mac was glad that Jack spent most of his days in therapy or sleeping, so he didn't have time to lecture Mac on not sleeping or eating enough. And he opted out of telling Jack about this connection just yet. Jack could get looped in on it after Mac had something more to go with. He promised Jack he would go to him if he needed any help or if he found any more information that he could tell Jack. Having Jack be aware that Mac was working on the case was enough for now. He would tell Jack once all his ducks were squared away in a row.  

"Are you going to tell Jack?" 

"Geez, Riles, are you inside my head or something?" 

"Well, that implies that you were thinking about it, which answers my questions. I hate to be hurting him anymore than he already is and I can claim plausible deniability for so long. Do whatever you have to do quickly, and then loop him in. Got it?" 

"Got it." 

"I'm not sure you do. I swore I won't take sides, and I really can't do that, not now. But that's under the condition that you won't hurt him again, Mac. He has been crushed ever since you left. This is the happiest I've seen him in months even though he is in extreme pain. Just… don't ruin it." 

Riley looked determined. She was obviously worried about Jack and Mac knew that she would do everything in her power to keep him safe, and possibly be the shield Jack needed in case Mac decided to go rogue again. Mac had no doubt that Riley would skin him alive if he pulled another stunt and left. Which Mac promised to himself that he wasn’t going to do. 

"I won't. I'm done taking him or you for granted. All of you. I made a mistake and I want to fix it the best I can. I won't hurt any of you ever again. Promise." 

"You probably will do it in the future again, but knowing that you will give your best to try and not to is enough for me. And I'm sure it's enough for Jack, too. Whatever you do next, even if it's hard to say, say it. It'll save us all a huge heartbreak and miscommunication. Please." 

"Okay. Okay, Riles. That… I will try that. Thank you for the information and for telling me this."

"You are welcome. What are friends for?" 

"I hurt you all so much…" 

"It's okay, Mac, that pain will eventually fade and this will be just a bitter memory one day. What's important is that you have realized you made a mistake and you are planning on doing something about it. Which is a lot more than what people usually do today, so you are doing just fine." 

Mac pulled Riley into a hug. He felt like he owed it to her and to everyone else to try and give his best to work on his approach and communication. He blew a breath and then pulled off his lab coat, switching it for his trusted leather jacket. 

"Okay, Riles, I'm gonna go now. Talk to you later." 

"Talk to you later, Mac." 

…

Mac waited in front of Medical's entrance slash exit. He knew that Jack would be out in a few, he always took a bit longer because he needed time to get dressed after the arduous PT. Mac offered to help, but Jack refused, telling Mac that he shouldn't be stuck taking care of him when they had a job to do. Ever since Mac told Jack that he suspected his father planting the bomb on purpose, Jack insisted Mac do his thing and leave PT to Jack. And for a while Mac did just that. But he hoped that Jack would eventually let him help. He made an appointment with detective Greer from the LAPD, the same one that arrested him last Christmas. He knew that if he needed information, he had to go down to the source. And he didn’t know many cops in the police force. Besides, Greer looked trustworthy, and Mac hoped he would get something out of him. All this thing about his father hiding even more from him, and doing things like attempting to kill Jack was giving him a headache. 

Leaning against the GTO, Mac looked through his phone, just mindlessly scrolling through the files and pictures in his phone. When he heard footsteps approaching, he lifted his head. It was indeed Jack and while with more pain etched lines on his face than this morning, he was smiling. Jack pulled him into a hug. Even when he was at his worst, Jack knew what Mac needed, and Mac could cry with that knowledge. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" 

Mac heaved a sigh and held onto Jack tighter, but mindful of Jack's healing injuries. 

"It's okay, I'm here now. Wanna go home?" 

Mac shook his head. 

"Okay. It's okay, Mac. Whatever you want, that's what we'll do." 

"Riley found an LAPD case file number in my dad's computer and she thinks it's important. I have made an appointment with Detective Greer to ask him about it. I want you to come with me. Only if you want to, of course." 

"I'll always want to, hoss. When's the meeting?" 

"In a couple of hours." 

"Okay. Want to get some drive thru food and drive around mindlessly?"

"Yeah, that would be nice." 

"Don't I know it. Okay, you are driving. Just-"

"Not a scratch on the GTO, got it." 

"Atta boy." 

…

Meeting detective Greer in what was effectively unofficial business felt a tiny bit weird. Mac had an inkling that Greer did not believe that they were working at a think tank and as a bathroom tiles salesperson respectively, not after Jack bustled in the station in full TAC gear to save him. But detective Greer valued their help in the end, and if there was a bit more mess to clean up in the aftermath, it was water under the bridge compared to making sure that Mac wasn't the perp who planted the bomb and killed George Ramsay. That case, followed close by the Ghost planting a bomb in Mac's house, was still a bitter dot in Mac's memory. And Mac didn't know how to feel meeting with detective Greer now, almost a year after his arrest. 

Mac took a deep breath and sipped from his milkshake. He wolfed down the burger Jack bought him, not realizing just how hungry he was, and accepted half of Jack's because Jack insisted (and because Mac suspected that PT made Jack feel nauseous so he didn't really want any food). Now they were both sitting in the GTO, sipping on their drinks and waiting to see when Greer would arrive. Mac told him to come to a little hole in the wall restaurant, knowing that if his father suspected something, he wouldn't make the connection between Mac and Jack going to one where a random LAPD detective decided to have his lunch. It was a huge risk and Mac knew that. It was why he made sure that he didn't make the phone call at the Phoenix and not use his usual phone for work. He was a secret agent, he did know some ways how to hide his tracks. And having Riley Davis to encrypt your off the books phone was a bonus. 

Mac hoped that this would work. 

Once they saw Greer enter the restaurant, Mac decided that Jack should go in first and Mac would follow a few minutes later. Once that was decided and Jack disappeared inside the door, Mac had a few moments to stave off the panic that he was being watched and monitored by his father. Ever since that last talk with his father, Mac had a feeling that his father knew that Mac would try and dig up dirt on him. Mac was being paranoid, he knew, but given what he did for a living and his father being so evasive ever since he showed his face again… Mac felt like all of his doubts were well founded. He just needed to put two and two together. 

Mac took a deep breath and walked out of the car, crossed the distance between car and door, and entered the restaurant. Jack was chatting amicably with detective Greer and Mac had to smile. Jack still got it. 

"Hello, Detective Greer." 

"MacGyver. It's good to see you. Please sit down." 

Mac did as such, making sure he was at a safe distance from Jack in case they had to make a clean exit. Call him paranoid, Mac couldn't stop thinking about his father learning what he was doing. 

"I have to admit that I was surprised when you called me and asked me to have lunch with you." 

"There is a reason for that, and I was hoping that you could help me with an inquiry. But the information is of sensitive matter and I would like to ask for your absolute discretion and if you can go through unofficial channels with it?" 

Greer furrowed his brow, but must have seen something on Mac's face because he nodded. 

Mac proceeded to tell Greer that he needed him to look up an old LAPD case file, but that he suspected someone was keeping a tab on that specific file, which is why their technical analyst couldn't access the file. Mac hoped that Greer bought the story, because he wanted this to go strictly through him and to not involve Riley any more than she already was. 

Greer said that he would give his best and will call him with information when he had them. Mac thanked him and Greer left. 

Jack sipped from the mineral water he obviously ordered while Mac was still in the car and Mac could tell his hands were shaking. 

"Hey, you okay?" 

"Yeah, I think it's a side effect from the PT. I kinda overdid it today. And the burn on my right wrist has been acting out since last night so…"

"Want me to wrap it when we get home? I still have from that ointment you got me when I burned my hands in NOLA." 

"Okay. That would be okay." 

"Hey, Jack, I was wondering… Would you like to stay at the house? I know I have no grounds to ask for this, but Bozer is at Leanna's more than he is at the house and I-" 

Mac didn't know how to explain it to Jack, because his throat closed up at the notion of voicing his thoughts. 

I'm alone. 

I'm scared. 

I need you. 

I'm sorry. 

"I know, hoss. I'd be glad to stay at the house. And you absolutely have the right to ask me things. I know that things have been rocky between us, but you are still my best friend and the closest I've got to a kid, so I ain't givin' up, Mac. Not a chance. And I know that you want to punish yourself for what transpired, but none of this is reason enough for you to think I'd bail on you. You hurt me, but so have I. We have hurt each other plenty of times, fought maybe just as much. But our friendship did not last this long just so we can call it quits now, kiddo. You made some poor life choice half a year ago, yeah, but it wasn't something that you could put a lid on and deal with it in silence. I understand. You don't have to apologize to me anymore, nor feel guilty." 

"I just still feel like I fucked up beyond repair. And it's not a good feeling. I haven't been happy in a really long time, Jack and I thought I located the problem, but it feels like a cheap excuse at this point." 

"Hey." Jack reached with his hand, pulling Mac's hand in his and squeezing. "Kiddo, it's not a cheap excuse. Did you mess up in your approach? Yes. But, are your reasons valid? Absolutely. And no one is going to tell you otherwise. You always had a different way of dealing with things, Mac. And you know that if there is a next time, you will know what to do. And even if you make a mistake again, I am not going to give up." 

"I guess that's not something I'm used to. People telling me they won't give up on me and actually owning up to it." 

"It's understandable that you'd feel the way you do, Mac. You have eighteen years of issues to just forget." 

"I just want to start over, you know? Not to have this feeling of dread every time I actually do something for myself and with my own mind. It feels liberating to not have to wonder what anyone would say while I was in Nigeria. Although I do care what people would say in a certain situation." 

"I understand what you mean, Mac. I completely get it. We all do that, even when we say we don’t. But in order to do that, you have to work with yourself and realize what is the best course of action. While I might not always agree with what you decide, it doesn't mean I think any less of you, buddy." 

"Thanks, Jack." 

"Always, kiddo." 

"You do know that the same goes for you too, right? I never say it enough, but I mean it." 

"I know, Mac. I do."

"Are we good, Jack?" 

"Yes, we are good, Mac." 

"Thank you." 

"No need to thank me." 

Mac took a deep breath. Perhaps he should have ordered something as well because he was still hungry and from the looks of it, Jack could have used some as well. 

"Okay, I think that we should order something. I'm starving." 

Jack looked at him with an amused look, signaling for the waiter, but said nothing. 

"What?" 

"Oh nothing. I'm just glad you are working up an appetite. Gotta be careful, though." 

"Why?"

"I do not want you to eat me, too." 

Mac punched Jack on his shoulder lightly. "Hey." 

"Just sayin'." 

Mac laughed then and Jack joined him. The waiter must have been puzzled that they were giggling like a pair of teens when he brought them the food. 

...

After they finished the food, they sat in silence for a while. 

"What are we gonna do now, Jack?"

"Now we wait." 

All things considered, Mac did not mind waiting. It was only what the end of it would entail that made Mac anxious. But he had Jack with him. That should have helped. 

Chapter Text

In the following days, Mac and Jack talked a little bit more. One of them would order food and they would turn on a movie or an episode of their favorite TV show at the moment. Jack seemed to be fond of Blue Bloods right now, and Mac couldn't deny that he liked the plots and the family feelings. At least someone out there had a family looking like it loved them and supported them without any qualms, regardless of the difference in opinion and who they were. They discussed more of what happened between them, about Mac going to Nigeria, shutting everyone off, and about the investigation. What was Mac hoping to find, and what was Greer going to deliver to him if he managed to find the case. 

Mac was trying not to check his messages and his phone so often that he seemed paranoid. The urge to start fidgeting with his cell phone was great, but he knew he had to appear like everything was normal. He didn't see his father any more than just the casual good morning in the halls of the Phoenix. The team were still on light duty, and Mac knew Matty was worried about them. About him. And the fact that Mac was back to work, Jack was hurt and out of commission for the foreseeable future, and there was tension once more between him and his dad, Mac knew that scared even Matty the Hun. Mac was unpredictable on the best of days. He never really knew what might trigger him. And they were all careful. To the point where Mac was starting to hate being treated with kid gloves. 

Mac used some of that downtime to talk with Riley and Bozer about him leaving and how that made them feel. They had forgiven him and Mac knew that he should have been happy about that. But something wasn't sitting right with him about all that. 

Mac sighed. He didn't have anything to do, and he never thought that would ever happen, but he was bored out of his mind down in the lab. When his phone started ringing, Mac jumped from where he was sitting and staring at the monitor all of his lunch break. 

It was Detective Greer. 

…

Mac never thought that the day would come where he had to ask someone else to call Jack to pick him up from Medical, because he was too busy hurling his breakfast in the nearest trash can. He was physically ill at the prospect of what his father was capable of and Mac knew, the second he saw the file and the bomb specifics, that his father did it. One murder and one attempted murder that Mac was aware of, at least. 

He didn't know what he should do, or where to go from there, but he was sure of one thing, his father needed to pay for what he did to Jack. Mac was not much of a vindictive person, unless you counted some harmless pranks he and the team played on each other, but he had been under the thumb of James MacGyver practically his whole life, without knowing, and he was done playing into his father's fantasies about being safe and sound, while the people around him suffered. People that were more family to Mac than his own flesh and blood were. 

Mac wiped his mouth and splashed his face with cold water, rinsing his mouth with mouthwash. He ordered himself to be put together for when Riley arrived with Jack. She was just dropping him off at the house, whereas she and the rest of their team would gather for dinner on the deck later that night. That would give Mac enough time to explain everything to Jack. He would leave it to Jack to decide what to do next and who they were going to involve. Because what they were about to do was not a one man job. And trying to be on his own to figure things out was what got them into this mess in the first place. He needed to be upfront with his team, and family, if they were going to take his father down. 

Mac went into the living room just as Riley pulled up into his driveway. 

When Jack arrived, he was his chirpy self as usual and he went to the fridge, without glancing at Mac, which was a good thing, for the moment. 

Jack still moved stiffly, and Mac doubted he would do anything normally for at least a few more months, but he was on his feet which was enough for Mac. 

Once Jack poured himself a glass of orange juice, he walked to the couch and sat down next to Mac. Mac let him sip his juice while he himself indulged in a glass of scotch. 

Mac could hear Jack's eyebrows going into his hairline when he noticed that, because Jack moved on the couch to take a better look at him. 

“I ain't gonna ask if you know how early it is to have one of those.” 

“Good.” 

“But what the hell, Mac?” 

“I needed the liquid courage.” 

Jack moved again and Mac saw he put his empty glass on the table in front of them. 

“Now you are scaring me, hoss. Why would you need liquid courage? And why did you send Riley after me today?” 

“Because there is new information pertaining to your case. And I needed to find a way to be able to tell you somehow, because it's all my fault, in a way.” 

“Consider me alarmed now.” 

“Don't be. It's just hard to put it into a perspective. Say it out loud.” 

There was silence after that. Mac knew that Jack was giving him time to put his thoughts together, and Mac knew that Jack would eventually ask if he was not forthcoming, or if Jack was scared something really bad happened, but for now Mac had the time to make words work in his favor. 

“As you know, we asked Detective Greer to look into that file from 1995. And we said it should be low profile so no one would notice, in case someone was monitoring the file. Well, our hunch was right.” 

“How so?” 

“It's my mom’s murder. Her case file number. That's the one that we asked Greer to look into. And now I know why access was denied for me so many times when I tried looking into it. Because it was my own mother's murder.” 

His mother was initially suspected to have died in a car accident, but today Mac learned it was no accident at all. 

“What does that mean?” 

“My mom did not die in a car crash. It was a car bomb. And the components of the bomb are exactly the same as the ones in the bomb that almost killed you.” 

“Shit.” 

“Oh, yeah. There's more, though.” 

Mac poured himself another scotch, feeling Jack's eyes on him the whole time. 

“There was another case file that popped up in Greer’s research. A similar case, but not a car bomb. Someone got a package delivered to his office in 1999, and it exploded in his face.” 

“Let me guess, same bomb components?” 

“Yes. Only this one was sloppy compared to the other one. But yes, the same components.” 

Mac downed his second glass of scotch in one gulp, and winced when the alcohol burned his throat. He wasn't the biggest fan of scotch, but he did find it useful in this situation. 

“Why do I feel that this is where you tell me something that I won't like?” 

“Because I am going to do just that. I know why the bomb was sloppily made.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I made it.” 

…

Jack couldn't believe his ears. Did Mac just say that he made the bomb that killed that office guy? But he couldn't, he was only nine years old when that happened. Unless… 

“Son of a bitch!” 

He was not aware he said that aloud until Mac looked at him with his sad puppy look that Jack spent years erasing it from Mac's face. The look of the poor sweet ten year old boy who was abandoned by his father appeared so often on Mac's face throughout the years that Jack was well versed in it. 

“I assume you came to a conclusion on how I was able to do that.” 

It was a statement, but Jack still nodded as if Mac asked him. He took a pretty wild guess on the how, he just needed to hear a confirmation from Mac. 

“I remember that, because it was one of the last things we actually did together before he was gone more and more in the following months, leading up to my tenth birthday.” 

Jack took the scotch bottle and poured himself a hefty drink in the glass he drank his OJ from. This situation called for breaking the rules on not drinking while taking meds. 

“He framed it as a project, told me he was going to test my speed and concentration on the matter, told me I can have the new video game that came out that month. He knew how much I loved logical thinking and strategizing when I played those. 

“I finished it in less than half an hour. It was not my greatest work on the projects we worked on, but he told me I was good at following the instructions he gave me and that he was satisfied with my accomplishments. Especially my use of paperclips, because he said those were the special component in our project.” 

“And let me guess, all three bombs had the remains of paperclips in them?” 

“Your guess is correct.” 

“That son of a bitch. I swear, he better watch out when I heal properly. I'mma throttle him. No more nice Jack for him. No, Sir.” 

Mac poured himself the third drink of the day, and by now Jack would have yelled at him to pace himself, but what Mac just told him warranted all the drinks they could both have. 

“I appreciate that, Jack. But I want to do this by the book. I want to get my father for this, and it has to be done the right way. You'll get your shot, eventually.” 

Jack nodded. He understood where Mac was coming from. He took a sip of his drink. 

“What do you want to do now?” 

“In light of what I just learned, I'd like to see what else we can discover. There were many devices my father had me build since I was very young. He kept saying I shouldn't just throw away my potential, and to exercise my mind as much as I can. Who knows what else he's made me do under the pretense of a project?” 

“You think there are other cases where…? Oh my God.” 

“Yeah. I need to be absolutely sure about everything before we make any attempts to arrest him. We'll be thorough. And we are gonna nail his ass.” 

“Damn straight, we will.”

“I'll tell the others tonight. But I wanted you to be the first one to hear it from me. You deserve that much.” 

“Thanks, Mac. I appreciate that. You will have me watching your six every step of the way. We are gonna get your sorry excuse of a father. That's a promise.” 

Jack knew he shouldn't have promised anything to Mac, not while he was in a sensitive situation, but Jack also knew that they were all capable of getting James MacGyver to go down for all the bad things he'd ever done. 

Jack would make sure that he fulfilled this promise to Mac, or die trying. 

They were a long way from where they started, in the aftermath of James storming back into Mac's life, pulling them all in the sinkhole he opened with his presence. But Jack would be damned if he let James keep them away from finding their way to the surface. 

Not on his watch. 

***

“Family is not about blood. It’s about who’s willing to hold your hand when you need it most.”

– Unknown