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The Favorite Character Awards had just ended, everyone was exhausted from that adventure and having to put up with Caine's nonsense that night. As the other characters drifted back to their rooms, Jax could just stay still with his big pitch-black pupils. His brain was still processing what had happened that day. Wondering what he had done. Why did he push her away? Why was he such an asshole? Why did he always do this?
She just hugged him. It felt good, for a moment. But then it felt wrong. It was like his instincts kicked in that moment, he wasn't thinking.
Now what? Someone had finally understood him, someone had finally embraced their cartoon selves and, for a moment, forgotten about their humanity. Pomni was the only person there to ever try to be in his shoes. The only one to reach out for a hug. And he pushed her away.
“If you abstracted tomorrow... I would move on. I would forget about you.”
Why did he say that? Why did he fucking say that? Of course Jax wasn't feeling pity for the clown. There were just so many ways that he could've said it, that didn't involve remembering... Them. If he had just skipped that answer, if he had just avoided the question, maybe he wouldn't have freaked out in front of her. Maybe he wouldn't had had to remember.
"Okay, now! Time to go to sleep!" Caine's voice could be heard all over the circus. The lights turned off instantly after his words. Everything went dark and silent. Everyone in their room, yet Jax didn't flinch. He stayed in place, his pupils wide staring into the void. He heard what Caine said, but his brain didn't address it. His mind was full of static, no room for any comprehensible word. Only the now numb feelings were left. They manifested as a headache.
A voice suddenly cut the silence.
"Jax?"
Kinger was next to him, at a distance so short he was even surprised his mind didn't register before. Jax had to blink twice for his eyes to return to normal and his vision to unblur. Oh. It was the crazy one. He rolled his eyes immediately upon realizing that.
"Anything you need, Kinger?" He asked in an annoyed, almost sarcastic tone.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"...?" Jax looked at him confused. "What? 'course I'm okay. Why do you care?" his reply was slightly more nervous. Kinger's tone was just too sane. It was more sane than his.
"Why would I not care?" Kinger arched his eyes in the form of a shy smile. Jax once again was left quiet.
"Tsk. I've actually gone so mad that you sound sane in comparison..." He mumbled annoyedly as he walked to his room.
"Do you wanna talk about that?" Kinger asked once again. The rabbit stopped walking, frozen in place before looking back at him, enraged.
"No. I. Don't." He lied, a weak attempt to disguise the anger. "Seriously, can you all stop playing therapy over here? It's not like I'm anything else than a cartoon character."
"Well, you're also a human."
"..."
Jax just glared at the chess piece with the tiniest pupils his avatar could show. Kinger instead just stayed calm and walked towards him slowly, step by step.
"Behind the cartoon avatar, you're a human. Just like behind the chess piece avatar, I'm just a human too. If I went mad I would also wanna talk about it"
Kinger pointed at himself with one of his hands, taking a couple of steps closer to Jax. The rabbit seemed troubled since the awards and Kinger genuinely wanted to help. Thanks to the light of the awards being turned off for the most part, is that he was able to notice. And now that Caine had finally turned off the lights of the circus, he could remember to go talk to him.
"I am. Not. A human." Jax mumbled weakly as an attempt of a response. He didn't even have the energy to lash out anymore. He didn't have the will, he just wanted to collapse in his room and this mad hatter kept trying to "help".
He sighed after receiving no response from Kinger, and spoke once again.
"You may wanna be made of flesh and bones. You can pretend you are, I don't care. I was once too, but not now. I'm just codes and glitches now... Don't even try to think otherwise. And.... go tell everyone that! Just go and tell everyone to stop looking! To stop pretending I'm a-!"
"Are you afraid that if someone keeps looking, they'll see your flesh and bones beneath the avatar?" Kinger asked once again, not even letting him finish. And just like it had become the norm, Jax fell quiet again in response.
Jax's hands turned into fists. He didn't have any response. Kinger had broken his mask apart. Completely. He needed to leave. He needed to lock himself in his room until his temper was recovered. He took a step, meaning to leave silently, but another character came into the scene.
"What the h*** are you guys yelling about?" said Zooble as they walked tiredly into the main room. "It's bedtime... Jax, are you tormenting Kinger now?"
"Yeah, I am! So what? Gonna do anything about it! I was just gonna leave, so you can go back to your f***ing nap!" He was clearly accelerated, breathing heavily, desperate to leave and not be interrupted by others' presence.
"Whoa... You okay...?"
"YES! NOW STOP BOTHERING!" his yelling became louder, his breathing became heavier, and his foot tapped on the floor repeatedly, every time faster.
He didn't realize his yelling and panic were waking the others up. He started walking to leave again, and he almost reached the hallway when the others started coming out of their rooms. Ragatha and Pomni were just outside the hallway, confused about the noises and just drowsily coming out of their room.
Kinger saw them but his attention was more centered around Jax. He tried to reach out again to the bunny. "Jax, I told you, if you want to talk about it-"
"I. DON'T. WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO TALK ABOUT! CARTOON CHARACTERS DON'T HAVE FEELINGS THEY WANNA TALK ABOUT." his loud ramblings made anyone that was even starting to fall asleep that night just wake up completely. Pomni looked at him with the most concern, being the one who had the context to his breakdown.
"Jax? Are you ok-" Ragatha tried to get closer and calm him. Yet he just kept shutting them up, yelling and screaming and panting heavily. He walled to the nearest wall to to support his body against it.
"Stop. Stop looking.... STOP LOOKING!" he yelled, gasp after gasp for air between his words, his body slowly falling off the wall. "Just... Stop... Looking..."
Everyone stood silent for a second, seeing him break down without knowing what to do. Pomni was the first one to move.
"Everyone, look away." She commanded, as she herself turned back on Jax. Everyone was a little shocked and bemused, but they eventually followed her example, one after the other. The room was mostly silent, only interrupted by Jax's heavy breathing.
"Jax, breathe" Pomni said, still looking elsewhere for his own comfort.
"LIKE I'M NOT DOING THAT"
"Just focus on breathing in and out, don't yell, don't do anything. Nobody's looking, it's okay."
Jax looked at her with shock for a moment, but slowly obeyed. He was practically on the floor already, still holding a hand to a wall and his other hand firmly grabbing the fabric of his overalls. Breathe in, breathe out. It almost felt like it was working. As soon as his breathing steadied enough, he started talking again.
"Go away... Everyone go away..." he mumbled "Leave me alone..."
Nobody was looking at him, but they could hear him start to calm down. They could hear his humanity escaping through his breath, and he hated that.
"Guys, go away" Pomni whispered to the rest. They were just as confused, but they slowly walked in different directions, just with the goal of distancing themselves from Jax.
Pomni walked backwards to get closer to him. She sat on the floor slowly, holding onto the wall, and with her eyes closed tight she turned back to front him. She gave Jax a hand, hoping she was pointing to the right direction.
"I'll help you get up, we go to sleep, we all agree to pretend nothing happened. Nobody looked at you. What do you think?" She smiled, offering her hand.
Jax wanted to scream at her, he wanted to lash out and be cruel. But he was afraid. For a moment there, he felt himself abstracting. He didn't want to abstract. He knew. If he let himself get even a little agitated, he would finally abstract. He had no other choice but take her hand and get up with her with a final sigh.
"That's it. Everyone, go to sleep." The rest where dispersed around the room, they could still hear her but they were far enough for Jax to not feel anxious. It was clear they were all too afraid of someone abstracting with the slightest push, so they headed back to each of their rooms without a single question.
Jax watched them all leave in silence, and then looked at Pomni once they were alone. She had her eyes open again, looking at him.
"I'm sorry for pushing your boundaries back there... I understand what that feels like." She explained with a slight smile and a soft voice. "But, you know... only when you're ready... I'm still here for anything you need or want. We're... Two evil characters working together, right? I'll stop looking if you want me to, but I won't judge when you're ready to show yourself."
Pomni didn't wait for him to answer, she just left, back to the hallway with the rest. They were going back to sleep, probably. Jax wasn't up for it. He didn't quite like her words. He would surely not take them. But hearing that... Probably meant more than he wanted it to mean.