Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kris and Susie sat slumped together on the new beanbag chair Kris bought for their room, the window cracked open to let a bit of a breeze in, since the second floor got stuffy in the summer. Susie was playing the Dragon Blazer’s spinoff on the handheld console Kris got for their birthday that year. 

It had been a quiet day, one of those lazy summer mornings that blended into a lazy summer afternoon—mostly because Kris was off work. Thanks to Berdly’s encouragement to seek employment, they’d picked up a summer job dishwashing at QC’s, and though the work was pretty boring, they liked the structure it gave them, necessitating they wake up at a reasonable hour since they had somewhere to be. And of course they didn’t mind the money.

They’re room actually kind of looked like their room, now. Asriel had taken more of his stuff now that he was living off campus and spending the summer out there to do an internship thing with one of his professors, and they’d filled in the space with purchases from their new source of income. They’d put some posters up and bought new sheets. A neon green lava lamp from the thrift store decorated their bedside table, and a mossy-textured rug took up most of the floor between the two beds. With the beanbag chair now resting like an ottoman at their end of their bed, the room felt cozy in a way it hadn’t since they were young.

It was nice. They were just little things, but it all added up to make Kris feel more like a real person. 

“Aw, damnit!” Susie clenched the console and lifted it like she was going to smash it over her knee when she died for the fifth time against a mini boss, but then sighed and relaxed her grip, thankfully keeping it in one piece.

“Take this away from me, I can’t look at it right now,” she said, handing it over to Kris. 

They laughed and tossed it behind them on their bed.

“Ugh, dude, I can’t believe summer’s almost over! Susie said. “We need to do something fun. Like all four of us. Is there an amusement park or something we can go to?”

“I think there’s one like an hour from here. We went there once for Azzy’s birthday,” Kris said. “I can ask Berdly when he’s free to drive us.”

“Yes! That’d be awesome!” Susie said. “Of course, knowing him he’s probably booked for the rest of the summer.”

Kris snickered.

“He’ll do it if I ask,” they said.

Susie barked out a laugh.

“Yeah, he probably will,” she said. “You gonna do anything about that, by the way?”

“Hm?” Kris tilted their head.

“You know, his totally obvious crush on you?” she said.

Kris frowned. It was true, Berdly had a soft spot for them, but Kris wasn’t convinced it was a crush. Berdly hadn’t really expressed romantic feelings for anyone since the whole festival thing blew up in his face and he admitted he didn’t really like Noelle or Susie, he just didn’t know how to be friends with a girl without thinking it had to be a romantic thing, too. 

Kris kind of understood that. The line between friendship and romance always seemed blurry to them. What made a relationship different, besides what kind of physical intimacy it included? Was a romantic relationship just friends who wanted to kiss each other and have sex with each other, or was it more than that?

What if Kris didn’t want to do those things? Could they still have a romantic partner? 

“We just like hanging out together,” Kris said, and started to pick at a scab from a mosquito bite on their ankle. 

“Uhh, yeah, no, I get that, but he likes you, dude. It’s one-hundred-percent confirmed,” Susie said.

“What do you mean? Did he tell you?” Kris asked.

“Not me, but… it’s been confirmed,” Susie said. Kris’s eyes widened as they realized what she meant. Berdly and Noelle were still close friends, more so now, in fact, that Berdly didn’t think they were supposed to be dating, and if he told Noelle that he had a crush on someone, there’s no way Noelle would be able to keep that from Susie. She told her girlfriend everything. 

Kris plucked off the scab, and hissed at the sharp pinprick of pain. A dot of blood started to well up, so they pressed their finger against it to cover it up.

“Kris, you okay?” Susie asked.

“Need a tissue,” they mumbled, getting up and grabbing one off the nightstand. “Leg’s bleeding.”

“What the!?” Susie leapt up, and Kris laughed at her concern.

“Just a bug bite,” they said.

“Fucking hell, dude, you scared me!” Susie sighed and crossed her arms.

“Sorry,” Kris said through a laugh. Even unintentionally, they always found it amusing to scare their friends.

Berdly was especially fun to mess with. He always took the bait, but rather than just screaming and getting upset like Noelle would, he’d try to one-up Kris or pretend like he wasn’t afraid or confused, which meant Kris could keep taking the pranks further and further, and Berdly actually enjoyed it. Their banter was just as ferocious, especially so when they played competitive games. Kris’s cheeks would actually hurt from smiling after hanging out with him, sometimes.

Did that mean they liked him, though? Or were they just really good friends?

Kris sat down on their bed and patted at the mosquito bite, waiting for the blood to stop beading up. They could feel Susie watching them, likely still waiting for an answer to her original question, and it made their pulse pick up in pace.

They tried to imagine dating Berdly. What would that mean? What would be different? Maybe they’d hold hands. That would be OK, Kris wouldn’t mind that. In fact, it might actually be nice. Maybe they’d cuddle. Kris could handle that, as long as it wasn’t too often. They liked their personal space. Maybe they’d kiss. Kris wasn’t sure how they felt about that. Kissing seemed weird enough on its own. Add in the fact that Berdly had a beak, and they just couldn’t picture how that would work or what it would feel like.

Maybe they’d have sex. No. No, they most definitely wouldn’t, because Kris did not want to do that. Not with Berdly and not with anyone. At least, not now. Maybe they’d change their mind someday. They were only seventeen, after all.

“Susie… can I ask something weird?” they said, heart still thrumming in their chest.

“Uh. Sure?” Susie took a step back and sat on the edge of Asriel’s old bed.

Kris chewed their lip. They weren’t sure if this was OK to ask about, but if there was anyone they could say it to, it had to be Susie.

“Do you… do you and Noelle… have you had sex?”

“Huh?” Susie’s expression went blank, and then her whole face went red. “What the—what? Where’s that coming from?”

Kris lowered their gaze.

“Sorry. I just… I’m not sure if I’m supposed to want that, at this age,” they said. “Like in movies and TV and stuff, teenagers are all over each other, but that seems fake to me. I’ve never wanted to do that. Not yet, at least. So… I was just curious.”

Kris shrugged.

“Uh, well… I mean, yeah. We have,” Susie said. “Not like a lot. But… we’ve been dating for like six months, so…” 

Kris frowned. That wasn’t the answer they were expecting. If Susie and Noelle were like that, did that mean it was normal? Was Kris the outlier?

“Wait. What do you mean you’ve never wanted to do that?” Susie asked. “Like, you’ve never even thought about it?”

“Um. Not really?” Kris’s voice fell to a trembling whisper. “I mean, I have thought about it. But whenever I think about it, it just scares me. I don’t want it. I don’t want to.”

“Oh.” Susie looked confused. She sat there for a while, her mouth slightly ajar, but didn’t say anything.

Kris felt tears burning at the corners of their eyes, and they quickly wiped them away as they stood up to throw out the bloodied tissue.

“Great, I guess I really am just some kind of a freak,” Kris grumbled with their back to Susie.

“What? No, Kris, that’s not… hey.” Susie got up and grabbed their wrist. Kris flinched, almost pulling away, but relented and let her turn them around.

“I don’t think you’re a freak,” she said. “At least not because of that .” She laughed, and Kris laughed a little, too.

“Don’t worry about it so much. Like, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to have sex. It doesn’t hurt anyone. Who fucking cares?” Susie gave them a pat on the back, and Kris nodded, slowly.

“That’s true,” they said. “Thanks, Susie.”

“No problem. Now, uh, I think I wanna give that boss another crack. I’m gonna get him this time, I swear!”

Susie grabbed the console off the bed and flopped down into the beanbag chair. Kris sat next to her, falling back into their same position from earlier. Their heart was still beating off-tempo in their chest, and it was hard to focus on the game, but they felt a little bit lighter. 

If something was wrong with them, at least Susie didn’t think it was a big deal. Kris could live with that. As long as their best friend thought they were cool, they didn’t need anyone else.

Though, as Kris started to imagine telling Berdly the same thing, their gut twisted with dread, and they weren't sure why. They imagine he’d be disappointed, or worse, what if he took it as a challenge to make Kris want him that way?

No, he wouldn’t do that. He’d be respectful. But he wouldn’t want to date them anymore, and for some reason, that thought made Kris sad.

They wished they could just be normal. Then maybe they could be like Susie and Noelle, who seemed so happy together. 

Kris sighed and leaned their head on Susie’s shoulder. 

At least they had friends. That was enough, for now. Maybe even forever. So long as those friends didn’t get tired of Kris hanging around all the time. 

Someday Susie and Noelle might get married, and Berdly would probably find some nice woman when he was older, and slowly but surely they’d stop having time for Kris, and then Kris would be alone.

They closed their eyes and pushed back against that future in their heart. They wouldn’t be alone. Maybe lonely, but never alone. These friends were too important. 

They had to stay. They had to.

…

It was raining when Kris got out of work the next night. It was late enough in the summer that the sky was completely dark at nine-thirty again, and with the rain came a chill, autumn impatiently nipping at the air.

They debated whether it was worth it to run home, but the downpour was heavy enough they’d get soaked either way. Then the headlights of the one car in the parking lot came on, and Kris realized it was Berdly’s car. Or, really, his parents’ old car they handed down to him when he got his licence last fall.

The window rolled down, and Berdly shot a smug look Kris’s way.

“You worked late tonight, I almost thought you were planning on sleeping in there!” he laughed at his own joke.

“I needed to wash the oven pans today. We only do that once a week,” Kris said. “You could have texted if you were tired of waiting.”

“And ruin the element of surprise? I think not!” Berdly unlocked the doors and gestured for Kris to hop inside.

“Gee, thanks.” They took the passenger’s seat and buckled in. Their shoulders only got a little wet in the distance between the back door’s overhang and the car.

“But of course! Your Prince Charming came to rescue you with his golden chariot!” Berdly said with a dramatic flourish of his wings.

Kris suppressed a laugh.

“Right. Not his blue Yotoya with ninety-thousand miles on it?” 

Berdly scoffed and covered the mileage counter like that would help his case. Kris realized they were grinning, and didn’t particularly feel like hiding it.

“It’s called hyperbole, my belothed rival,” Berdly said.

“Uh-huh. Now drive me home, Prince Charming.”

Berdly sputtered, adorably unprepared to have his own nonsense turned back against him, and put the car in drive. They rolled out of the parking lot and down the rain-washed road. Kris watched the water gather in white streams along the curb, funneling towards the occasional storm drain. 

Berdly drove especially slow, his wipers only able to keep up with the rain to a certain degree, but there wasn’t a single other car on the road.    

It was strangely peaceful, there in the car with him. Kris turned and looked at him. His eyes were on the road, but they could tell from the twitch at the corner of his beak he was replaying their conversation in his head, trying to think of a better comeback.

Kris frowned, thinking back to their conversation with Susie yesterday.

“Hey Berdly,” they said.

“Yes?” He glanced at them briefly, then focused intently on the road again as he approached the turn. He put on his left blinker and waited an extraordinarily long time for nothing to happen.

“Do you like anyone?” Kris asked right as he was about to turn. He hit the brakes, swerved slightly on the wet road, then yelped and readjusted, getting the car back between the lines before coming to a complete stop.

“Kris!” he screeched. “We could have died!”

“Get good,” Kris deadpanned.

“What—you—ugh!” Berdly continued towards their house. “I come and rescue you from the rain and this is the thanks I get…” he grumbled.

“Sorry.” Kris dropped the teasing pretense. “You don’t have to answer. If you don’t want to.”

Berdly didn’t say anything, the last minute of the drive dragging on for longer than should have been physically possible. At last, he pulled into the driveway of the Dreemurr home and put the car in park. He turned the keys and pulled them out of the ignition, and the car seemed to sigh as it shut off.

“Why do you ask?” Berdly said.

Kris shrugged.

“I don’t know. I had a… weird conversation with Susie yesterday,” they said. 

Berdly looked panicked for a moment, then cleared his throat and soothed down his chest feathers.

“Oh?” he prodded for them to continue.

“I guess I just… I realized most people our age have already had, like, serious feelings about other people. And I haven’t. So I feel like maybe I’m weird.” They found it surprisingly easy to tell him. Somehow, they didn’t feel worried that Berdly would judge them now that he was right there in the car with them. 

“You never really talk about, uh… liking people like that. Not since the whole thing with Noelle and Susie and the festival,” Kris continued. “So I’m curious if you also…?” They shrugged.

Berdly gulped. He looked ahead through the windshield at the dark driveway, obscured by rain splatter, and got a somewhat distant look in his eyes. 

“What do you mean by serious feelings?” he asked.

Kris scratched the back of their neck, their gaze falling to their lap.

“Like, uh… physical attraction, I guess? Not just a little-kid-kinda-crush.” 

“I see.” Berdly adjusted his glasses. “Well, if you must know, I have—and I do—expereince such desires. I simply choose not to voice them.”

“Oh.” Kris’s chest felt cold, but their arms and legs felt strangely hot. They didn’t like the feeling. 

“I do not think it is so unusual for you to have not felt those things, however. Everyone takes different paths through life, Kris, and perhaps at different paces as well,” Berdly said it with a smile that was meant to be comforting, but Kris only felt their shoulders shrink.

He was trying to be nice, but they felt sure of it, now. Something was wrong with them.

“Yeah. Whatever.” They abruptly opened the door and slipped out of the car. They heard Berdly squawk, fumbling to unbuckle himself so he could get out, but Kris was already unlocking the front door by the time he got his door open. 

“Kris—”

“Thanks for the ride, man.” They waved, and for a moment, Berdly stood frozen, one foot out of the car, rain pelting the top of his head, beak open like he wanted to say something.

Then his jaw clenched and he moved in reverse, falling back into the car and closing the door. Kris kept a flat smile on their face until his car was out of the driveway. Then they opened the door, stepped inside, and let a trembling frown pull their lips down with the force of an anchor dropping.

They shut their eyes tight and begged the tears not to come. They felt so pathetic. They never should have said anything, not to Berdly, not to Susie. They should have kept this secret, should have shoved it down and ignored it, until maybe one day it would go away on its own.

Somehow, though, they knew it wouldn’t. It wasn’t a matter of not yet. Kris was never going to feel that way. It felt so very clear, this lonely future sprawling out in front of them, and they hated it.

The image of a knife in their hand and the feeling of sharp lines on their arms flashed through them like lightning. They sucked their breath in through their teeth and clenched their hands into fists to quell the urge. One deep breath in, one long breath out. They would not hurt themselves. Not over this. They just needed a distraction.

“Oh, Kris, did you get a ride home with someone?” Toriel came wandering into the living room, flicking on the light. She was already in her pajamas.

“Yeah. Berdly picked me up,” they said. Their fists slowly unclenched.

“How nice of him! He could have come inside, it’s so awful out there,” Toriel said.

“It’s a short drive.” Kris shrugged. “But… yeah. It was nice of him.”

Toriel made a funny face, then turned back towards the kitchen.

“Well, don’t mind me. Just need another cup of tea before bed,” she said.

Kris nodded, but didn’t move to head right back up to their room like they usually did when they got home from work. They spent a good minute staring out the front window at the dark, rainy yard, then slowly turned to watch their mother humming as she waited for the water to boil.

“Actually,” Kris said, stepping into the kitchen. “Could I have, um… a cup of tea, too?”

“Oh?” Toriel looked surprised, then smiled. “Of course, Kris.”

She held out an arm, and Kris hesitantly stepped forward so she could wrap it behind their back. She got down a second mug with her free hand, and as the water slowly boiled, Kris felt their body relax until their head leaned down onto their mother’s shoulder. She didn’t say anything, but her hand slowly rubbed up and down on Kris’s back.

They were not alone, they reminded themselves. There would always be people who loved them, even if they never found love.

Chapter Text

Kris woke up to eight text notifications, all from Berdly, and they groaned, immediately putting their phone face-down on the bedside table again. 

They imagined all the various ways he could have reacted to last night. Maybe he was angry that they gave him the cold shoulder like that, or maybe he was grovelling, thinking they were the one angry at him. Maybe he wanted to keep talking about what they said, or maybe he never wanted to talk to Kris again.

Considering it was eight texts, it probably wasn’t that last one, but still. All the options seemed bad.

They slogged through their morning routine, avoiding both phone and computer for the time being, in case he’d also tried to message them there, too. Toriel seemed to be out already, the house quiet, late morning sun painting the kitchen and living room a wan orange. Their two mugs from the previous night still sat on the counter.

Kris took a long shower and caught themselves scratching their arms several times when they got distracted thinking about the unread messages.

Finally, once they’d thrown on a clean pair of boxers and a tee, towel still wrapped around their shoulders to catch the water dripping from their hair, they picked up their phone and opened the messages.

1:25 am

Would you happen to still be awake?

1:42 am

Are you asleep or ignoring me?

1:43 am

It matters not! I shall speak my mind.

1:46 am

*clears throat* Kris, though I often dub you my rival, I count you among my closest allies, and I infer from the trust you placed in me this evening you, as well, view me in such a favorable light. Your trust is of great value to me, and it would wound me grievously to fall in the ranking of your allies, much more so should I fall into the ranks of your adversaries. If ever I have offended you, or if ever you doubt my confidence in you, know that I would willingly discard our rivalry for the sake of our true gamer’s bond. All biases I will put aside for you, so please do not hesitate to speak your mind! 

2:03 am

Sorry that was cringe.

2:05 am

Let me just. One second.

2:12 am

You’re one of my best friends. Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me that about yourself. I hope you don’t hate me. I definitely don’t hate you, and if the teasing we do ever gets too much please tell me. If you ever want to talk about something serious again, I promise I’ll take it seriously. My feelings won’t get in the way. Our friendship is more important.

4:23 am 

Or we can just play Minecrap and never talk about this again.

Kris laughed at the last message, but their heart was doing something weird in their chest. They couldn’t remember Berdly ever being this genuine with them, and the whole thing reeked of self-consciousness. It was really cute.

And really sweet.

Kris quickly typed out a reply.

Sorry was asleep. We can play mc if ur awake.

…

Berdly recovered quickly. Half an hour in their shared Minecrap world, and he was back to yapping about his build plans and trying to convince Kris to make a better house than their hole-in-a-hill dungeon-esque abode. 

Kris was in a quiet mood, but he didn’t seem to mind. They were busy luring a couple cows back to their farm since the last time they played, they accidentally burned the fence down trying to prank Berdly with a lava bucket, and most of the animals escaped. They’d had to go annoyingly far to find the cows, specifically, but they didn’t mind the long walk back if they could listen to Berdly ramble.

He was off mining somewhere, since he wanted gold blocks for the new addition on his house. For all he complained about Kris’s rustic build choices, his gaudy constructions were far more embarrassing. The only actually talented builder in their group was Noelle, but she didn’t play on this world, so the whole base area was a bit of a chaotic mess. 

Kris liked it that way. It was very them—the both of them.

“Ugh, my pickaxe broke again,” Berdly said. “Let’s see… oh that was my last one. No matter, there was a mineshaft back this way, I can collect some wood there!”

“Bro’s gonna make wooden pickaxes,” Kris said.

“No, I am going to turn the wood into sticks and make iron pickaxes, obviously,” Berdly said.

“Bro’s gonna mine gold with wooden pickaxes,” Kris continued teasing him. They were nearly back to camp with three cows still following them on leads. They had four originally, but one of them got lost over a cliff on the way.

“I am not!” Berdly shouted. “What sort of noob do you take me for? Honestly, Kris, I—oh. Oh no.”

“Hm? You fall into lava?” Kris asked.

“No. Just… into a very dark cave. Let’s see, torches… no. No torches.” Berdly’s voice got tight.

“Just tower back up.”

“Of course. Obviously. I’m doing that.”

There was a long pause, during which Berdly’s breath hitched several times. Kris finished blocking the cows into their pen with some fencing, and fed two of them so they’d make another baby cow. 

“Kris, how quickly can you get to -1700, -60, 3500?” Berdly suddenly asked, voice stilted like he was concentrating.

“Uh. Not fast enough to pick up your shit if you die,” they said. “I’m at base camp.”

“Oh dear angel above, no!” Berdly squealed. “How many zombies are there!?”

“You’re getting mobbed by zombies?” Kris wheezed.

“There’s like a hundred! I can’t tower, they kept knocking me off!” Berdly said. “Oh, no, no, no, not my shield!”

“Lmao, I’m gonna go break your bed.” Kris said.

“Do not!” Berdly’s voice had gone so high-pitched, it sounded more like a whistle than words. Kris was laughing low under their breath, making their way into his house. They didn’t actually plan to break his bed, but they were thinking about spawn camping him for a bit to mess with him.

“No, no, no!” Berdly screamed, and at last his death message popped up in the chat. Kris laughed uproariously as they heard Berdly slamming his desk through their headphones.

“I had six stacks of gold! six stacks!” Berdly wailed.

“Major L,” Kris said, tamping down their laughter to sound more calm and collected.

“You are awful!” Berdly said. It was then that he popped back up next to his bed, and for some reason when he immediately crouched and started making this pathetic whining noise, Kris decided not to attack him. 

“Aww, bro’s devastated," Kris said.

“I wasted an entire hour on that…” Berdly sounded like he was going to cry. 

His character bumped into Kris’s. It looked like he was hiding his face in their chest, with him crouched like that. Kris imagined him doing that in real life—imagined patting him comfortingly on the back—and let out a single breathy laugh, an endeared smile settling on their lips.

“Well, maybe this is the universe telling you not to build a giant gold statue of yourself,” they said.

“Nooo, I need it,” Berdly said. “The house isn’t complete without it!”

“Fine, fine. I’ll help you mine for it,” Kris said.

“Really?” Berdly’s character stopped crouching. “Right now?”

“Sure, what the hell. You can use some of my stuff. I have like ten of everything.”

“Hoarder!” Berdly laughed, but he sounded more pleased than admonishing.

They sprinted over to Kris’s house, and Berdly was surprisingly compliant about waiting for Kris to pick out the items they wanted to give him, rather than just opening the chests and taking them for himself.

Once they were both geared up, Kris quickly made two beds, dying one yellow and the other blue. Berdly impatiently crouched and uncrouched next to the door, ignorant as to what Kris was crafting.

“Alright, let’s go,” they said, and the two of them took off for a new section of the map they hadn’t mined dry yet. It was quite the journey, several thousand blocks out, but once they got there, Kris quickly set up a small base with a furnace, a crafting table, and some chests to keep their extra supplies in so their inventories would be clear for mining. Then they set down the beds.

“So we don’t lose all our shit you die again,” Kris said.

“Of course! But… why two?” Berdly asked. Kris paused, looking at the two beds. They hadn’t really thought that through. They could easily use the same bed to respawn, the only reason they wanted them separate was so they could dye them each in their preferred colors.

“Uh. Normal reasons,” they said.

Berdly’s character turned and looked at Kris’s character. They stood there silently for a moment, and then Berdly sprinted off back towards the staircase he’d started digging.

“You mystify me, sometimes, Kris,” he said.

Kris chuckled.

“Mystify?”

“Your words and actions are often unaligned! One moment you are cruel and berate me, the next you offer me your kindness!” Berdly said.

“Well, yeah. I’m an epic prankster,” Kris said.

“Hm…” Berdly grumbled for a minute. He was still mining away, and Kris just hung back behind him, letting him use up his pickaxe getting them down to the right Y level.

“Placing our beds next to each other did not particularly strike me as a prank,” he eventually said. “In what way do you find that funny?”

“Oh. No, that wasn’t a prank,” Kris said. Berdly stopped mining.

“So, it was purposeful?” His character looked directly at them. Kris gulped.

“Can you not, like, put your beds next to each other in a friend way?” they said.

Berdly was silent for an excruciatingly long moment, during which Kris’s heartbeat pounded in their ears, and they started to regret ever even logging on with him.

“I suppose so,” Berdly finally spoke. He turned back to the bottom of the staircase and kept digging. Kris let out a breath and took their hands off of the computer for a moment to let the numb feeling in their fingers dissipate.

When they got down to the right level, they both started digging in opposite directions. Kris zigzagged back and forth, so they never got too far from the staircase. They were lucky at the amount of gold they found at first, but soon enough it dried up, and the slog got tiring. They were burning the stacks of cobblestone that had built up in their inventory when someone else joined the call.

“Hey guys! Are you playing right now?” Noelle asked.

“Indeed we are!” Berdly said.

“Oh, cool! There wasn’t anything in the chat, and you guys have been in call for like two hours, so, I wasn’t sure,” she said.

“We’re on our duo world,” Kris said. “Busy mining. But we can switch to the trio world later if you want.”

“Oh, no, that’s alright,” Noelle said. “I’m actually here with Susie. Say hi, Susie!”

“Sup nerds!” Susie barked into the phone.

“Hey Susie,” Kris said.

“Hello, Susan,” Berdly snipped. They all laughed.

“Anyways, Kris, Susie said you were going to ask Berdly to drive us all to Adventure Canyon sometime before the end of the summer?” Noelle said.

“Oho? This is the first I’m hearing of this!” Berdly said.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I hadn’t mentioned it yet.” Kris swallowed the guilt curling up in their throat. They weren’t sure Berdly would be so amenable to that idea after the drive home last night. 

“Hm. And when exactly would this excursion take place?” Berdly asked.

“Whenever you got time, man,” Susie said. It sounded like they were on speaker, now. “You know I ain’t got shit going on.”

Noelle laughed, even though she hadn’t said anything particularly funny.

“Kris? Are you intent on this outing?” Berdly said.

“Um. Yeah, I wanna go,” they said.

“Very well then. I believe I have room in my calendar for a day trip on Thursday. Thoughts?”

“I’m free then!” Noelle said.

“Yeah, I’m off work,” Kris agreed.

“Then it’s decided!” Berdly said. Susie whooped out a few cheers in the background. 

“Except, of course, the matter of tickets,” Berdly said. “They are quite expensive, are they not?”

“Oh, uh, I already asked my dad. He said he’d pay for all four of us,” Noelle said. “He wants us to have fun.”

“Yeah, he’s the best,” Susie said. Kris nodded along, though no one could see them.

“Huh. Very well then. Send my thanks Mr. Holiday,” Berdly said.

“We just have to pay for food and games and stuff,” Noelle said.

“I can spot us for lunch,” Kris said. “I got mad money now.”

“That’s my rich bestie!” Susie said.

“You get paid minimum wage to scrub dishes—ugh whatever. I suppose this plan shall suffice,” Berdly said.

“Nice,” Kris said.

“Sooo, now that that’s, uh, that,” Susie said. “How much longer are you nerds gonna be mining and crapping? If everyone’s free now we should, like, go to the lake or something.”

“We are not free! Kris and I are busy collecting gold for my epic Berdly statue,” Berdly said.

“You’re actually helping him with that?” Noelle giggled.

“It—he—I was manipulated,” Kris said.

“How dare you! I did nothing of the sort,” Berdly said.

“You literally got on your knees and whimpered like a dog,” Kris said. The call erupted with laughter from Susie and astonished gasping and beak-flapping from Berdly.

“You are terrible, Kris! Absolutely terrible!” he raged. “And here I thought you liked me! Now I see putting our beds next to each other was a prank!”

“Wait, Kris did what?” Noelle asked. Kris’s entire face burned red.

“Nothing. Shut up.” Kris immediately left the game. “I’m done playing.”

“No—Kris, the statue!” Berdly pleaded.

“Fuck you and your stupid statue,” they said.

“Whoa, whoa, chill,” Susie said. “My friends are not allowed to fight, or I’ll beat you both up!”

Everyone laughed at that, and the tension simmered back down.

“I suppose if Kris refuses to continue mining, perhaps a lake day is in order after all,” Berdly said.

“I have work at five today, but we can hang until then,” Kris said.

“Yes, I shall have to abscond at four for my tutoring job this afternoon, but we can still swim for about three hours,” Berdly said.

“Nice! Noelle, is my bathing suit still here from last time?” Susie’s voice drifted away from the phone.

“Um. See you soon guys!” Noelle sounded mildly embarrassed, and quickly hung up the call. 

Kris frowned in confusion, not sure why Susie leaving her bathing suit at Noelle’s house would be embarrassing, until it slowly dawned on them that perhaps Noelle was more embarrassed about what may have happened after Susie’s swimsuit had come off.

They shook their shoulders to rid their mind of the thought. They didn’t need to know what their friends were getting up to in that regard.

“I suppose we should head to the lake?” Berdly said, breaking the silence.

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” Kris agreed.

“Do not forget your sunscreen this time!” Berdly said. “We do not want a repeat of last month!”

Kris rolled their eyes. They hardly remembered the massive sunburn they got on their arms and nose the last time they went swimming, not since it had peeled off and left tanner skin underneath. They were surprised Berdly remembered, or even cared. Most monsters don’t have to use sunscreen, their skin protected by fur or feathers or scales, so Toriel ordered the stuff special just for Kris. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be good,” they said.

Berdly awkwardly cleared his throat.

“Good. See you. Soon.” He hung up, and Kris pushed the desk chair back, stretching their arms over their head before they got up. 

Toriel had returned home from her errands at some point during their Minecrap session, so Kris called out to tell her they were going to the lake as they shuffled down the stairs. 

“Oh, wonderful! Have fun, dear!” Toriel said.

Kris’s bathing suit was still hung up in the bathroom, though it had been completely dry for a few weeks now. They slipped into the shirt and pants, stretchy black fabric striped with neon green detailing that covered their whole chest, their shoulders, and their legs down to their knees. They used to love swimming as a little kid, but around middle school, they stopped completely because they hated how they looked in a bathing suit. They liked this one, though, and honestly, with these friends, Kris could hardly imagine feeling self-conscious no matter what they were wearing.

OK, they would probably still hate a bikini, but that wasn’t even remotely on the table, anyways.

They grabbed a beach towel, threw on a pair of flip-flops, and packed a bag with a water bottle, a snack, and yes, sunscreen. They’d put it on when they got to the lake.

Chapter Text

After an hour of swimming, during which Kris scared Noelle twice and Berdly three times by grabbing their legs under the water, the four of them laid on their towels, drying in the hot afternoon sun. Susie eventually complained of boredom, and blew up the beachball Noelle had brought along so the two of them could play a net-less version of volleyball on the grass.

Berdly cleared his throat, and Kris rolled over to see him holding out the sunscreen bottle.

“You should reapply,” he said.

“Gee, thanks, mom,” Kris said, snatching the bottle away. “You dig through my bag for this?”

“There was hardly anything in there!” Berdly squawked.

“Ah, so you did,” Kris grinned. Berdly crossed his arms and grumbled.

Kris squirted some onto their fingers, smeared it around a bit in their hands to make a more even spread before they smeared it all over their face. They paused with it hardly rubbed in, and turned to Berdly.

“Looks good?” they asked with a thumbs-up.

“Kris! Rub it in!” he said.

Kris laughed and went back to rubbing their face. They got their ears and their neck, too, then squirted out some more to get their arms and calves. The other nice thing about weaning a bathing suit with a lot of coverage was not having so much surface area to slather with sunscreen. Kris never much cared for the oily texture of the stuff, which may be why they conveniently forgot about it if no one reminded them.

Across the small beach, a loud and sudden pop echoed from the little game of volleyball, and they both turned to see Noelle with a look of horror on her face and a popped beach ball hanging limply from her antlers.

“How did you even do that!?” she yelled, exasperated. Susie was laughing too hard to respond at first, but then sighed, wiped her eyes, and plucked the plastic shreds from Noelle’s antlers.

“Sorry, babe, my spike is just way too powerful,” she said. Noelle scoffed, though her cheeks were red, and as Susie’s hands fell to circle her waist, she reached up and wrapped her arms around Susie’s shoulders.

Kris looked away.

Berdly, they saw, was staring intently at the water. It was calm today, not much of a breeze, but the sun was hitting it just right to make these big, round shapes of white light glimmer on its surface.

“They make me kinda homophobic, not gonna lie,” Kris joked. Berdly choked on a laugh.

“Kris, you are terrible,” he said.

Kris grinned.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

Berdly sighed and shook his head. He got this wistful look for a second, then frowned and leaned back on his wings, instead regarding Kris with skepticism.

“You did read my messages from last night, correct?” he asked.

“Yeah. Just figured you wouldn’t wanna go over it again,” Kris said. “That was pretty embarrassing for you.”

Berdly gave them an unimpressed look, and Kris forced themselves not to laugh.

“Sorry. It was… nice. I appreciated it,” they said.

“Oh, good.” Berdly let out a sigh. “So, we are, uh, as they say, cool?”

Kris snickered.

“Yeah. We’re cool.”

“Yes?” Berdly’s eyes scrunched slightly, his expression strained with worry. “So, you’re not repulsed by my feelings for you?”

“You’ve never even told me what those feelings are,” Kris pointed out.

Berdly looked mortified.

“Wait—but—I thought surely—was that not why you said that?” he sputtered.

“Um. I mean I was told you might like me, but I’m not gonna just believe a rumor like that,” Kris said. “I’d need to hear it from you.”

“Oh.” Berdly looked down between his knees. “That’s… actually very respectful of you.”

“Psh, yeah, well. Don’t tell anyone, but I actually respect you a lot, so…” Kris laid their face on their knees, cheeks turned away to hide their reddening.

Berdly was quiet for a moment, and then Kris heard a small, shaky breath.

“I respect you, too,” Berdly said. The words sounded weird. It wasn’t something Kris ever expected to hear out loud, and yet there was nothing but truth in them.

“Cool.” Kris went for monotone to rein things back in.

“Ahem. Yes. Very,” Berdly agreed.

Susie was currently carrying a screaming Noelle back towards the water, and they paused to watch her splash into the lake as Susie threw her in, followed quickly by an even larger eruption of water from Susie’s own entrance. 

Berdly shook his head.

“Oh, young love. It makes fools of us all,” he said.

“Nah, I think they were already fools,” Kris said. 

Berdly laughed, unrestrained, and Kris turned back to look at him. He was cute when he laughed like that, not to be haughty and superior, but just because Kris had said something funny.

“Right you are, my rival!” he said.

Kris’s smile slowly faded. Something about being called that, even though it was what Berdly had called them for years, only reminded them of his texts. It meant something more to him, didn’t it? 

And he still hadn’t said it straight to Kris’s face.

“So, are you gonna tell me what these feelings are?” Kris said. “So I can stop wondering?”

Berdly froze up, then started to laugh, all awkward and stilted.

“Uh. Isn’t it obvious?” he said.

“Not to me,” Kris said.

Berdly made a small noise of understanding, then gulped. Kris’s heart started to beat hard again, and they clenched their jaw to keep the fluttering feeling from getting overwhelming.

“Kris, I…” Berdly ran his wings over his face. If birds could sweat, Kris had the feeling he’d be sweating profusely. “I have feelings of the, ahem, romantic sort, for you. If you had felt similarly, I would have considered you my primary love interest, you see?”

“Oh. But you don’t anymore?” Kris said. Their fingers were twitching, so they clenched them into fists.

“Well… I can’t simply make the feelings disappear, but I understand I should not… I cannot pursue you,” he said.

“Mn.” Kris nodded. They felt devastated to hear him say that, and they didn’t even know why. 

“But do not waste your concern on me! Nothing need change, my dearest rival! You and I will always remain…” Berdly paused, like somehow these words were even harder to say. Kris looked up at him, and his expression softened. “The best of friends.”

Kris quickly wiped a tear from the corner of their eye, and nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, always,” they said.

Berdly looked confused, suddenly, and they felt their heart drop in their chest. Those words had come out shaky, and their bangs were a little sparse from the lake breeze, so Berdly could see their eyes. 

“Kris—” Berdly started to ask something, but he didn’t get to finish.

“What are you two nerds yapping about over there?” Susie yelled from the water. “Get in the water!”

“My feathers just started to dry!” Berdly yelled back.

“Sucks to suck, I guess,” Kris said, shrugging as they stood up.

“Wha—Kris!?” Berdly gasped.

Kris stuck out their tongue and made a rude gesture as they walked backwards to the lake.

“Ugh, fine! I’ll get in again!” Berdly suddenly hopped up off his towel, practically kicking the ground as he stomped after them.

He got a mischievous look in his eye, then, and Kris picked up the pace, spinning around to sprint towards the water. They half-laughed-half-screamed as they heard Berdly quickly gaining ground behind them, water sloshing around their legs, then felt two feathered hands push them down into the shallows.

They went under, flipped over, then popped back up and grabbed Berdly around the waist to pull him down into the water, too. It was only waist-deep, but for a moment, it felt like the two of them were sinking. 

Kris opened their eyes. The murky lakewater stung a little, but the sun gleaming down through the water painted Berdly’s feathers a pale shade of turquoise, and their brown hair floating up towards him seemed almost red. His eyes were all scrunched up, his face leaning back like he was afraid he’d accidentally bump his beak into them, and his wings thrashed, making white bubbles froth up in the water.

 Kris let go, and immediately the two of them burst back up into the open air, gasping for breath.

“They tried to drown me!” Berdly shrieked.

“You did it first!” Kris said.

“I did not hold you down!” Berdly ran his wings over his torso like he was rubbing something off of himself. He looked mildly embarrassed. “I only pushed you.”

“Eh, sounds fair to me,” Susie said. “If you play rough, you gotta expect Kris to deal it back.”

“Or even if you don’t…” Noelle added quietly. Kris snorted.

“Sorry, you’re outvoted three to one,” they said.

“I did not cast a vote!” Noelle threw up her arms.

“OK, two to one. Still in Kris’s favor,” Susie said.

“I need to find better friends,” Berdly crossed his arms.

“Aw, c’mon. You’re never gonna find better friends than us.” Susie swam over and wrapped an arm around Kris’s shoulders. “Right, Noelle?” she called behind her.

Noelle sighed and shook her head, but a fond smile crept up on her lips.

“Fine, that I agree with,” she said.

“Hell yeah!” Susie flopped backwards into the water, creating a huge splash that hit Kirs’s back and pushed them forward, towards Berdly.

Water dripped from their hands, their hair, their nose and chin. They looked at Berdly and smiled.

“So you forgive me?” they asked.

“Reluctantly,” Berdly uncrossed his arms and placed his hands on his hips. “Yes.”

Kris felt a warm spark in their chest. They had a feeling he meant it for more than just trying to drown him.

Chapter Text

Kris opened their phone to see a missed call from Asriel when they left work that evening. The weather was clear, a beautiful summer night, not too warm and not too chilly, crickets singing in the bushes and stars twinkling in a cloudless sky. They called him back as they started to walk home, one hand in their pocket, the other holding their phone up to their ear.

“Hey, Kris!” Asriel picked up after the second ring. “What’s up?”

“Saw you called me,” they said.

“Ah, yeah, you were at work, weren’t you? I can never remember your schedule,” Asriel said.

“Mm-hm,” Kris hummed. “You call for any particular reason?”

“No. Just wanted to chat. How’s my little sibling doing?”

“Fine,” Kris said. “We, uh, went to the lake today.”

“Oh! That must have been nice! The weather was perfect for it, huh?” Asriel sighed. “We had some good times at that lake in high school…”

Kris snorted. They were not there for these “good times,” but they remember the trouble Dess and Asriel got in when their parents found out someone had brought beer to the beach. Asriel insisted he didn’t drink any—which, honestly, Kris totally believed—but he was still grounded for a week. 

“So who was there? Just you and Noelle and Susie?” Asriel asked.

“Mm-hm, and Berdly,” Kris said.

“Oh, he wasn’t too busy?” Asriel laughed.

“No. He…” Kris chewed on their lip. They were away from the downtown area and into their neighborhood, and the world seemed smothered by a blanket of quiet. “He makes time if I’m there.”

“Yeah?” Asriel seemed curious.

“He actually agreed to drive us all to Adventure Canyon this Thursday,” Kris said.

“Oh! That’ll be fun.”

“Yeah. It was Susie’s idea.”

“She’s a good friend,” Asriel said. 

Kris nodded silently. They could see the gates of the Holiday house up ahead, the turn to their own home approaching on the right. 

“They’re all good friends,” they said.

“That’s good. That’s really nice,” Asriel said.

Kris switched the phone to their other hand.

“How are things with you?” they asked. Asriel let out a sigh, and started to regale them with the details of his internship. His mentor was not giving him enough guidance and the project wasn’t going to be finished before the end of the summer, and the whole thing was frustrating to him. He’d had fun living out there for the summer, though, and began to tell a story about a party he went to the previous weekend, when Kris got home and told him to hold it for a minute so they could get back to their room without Toriel overhearing.

They held their phone between their ear and shoulder as they got ready for bed, then plopped down on the mattress in their pajamas and kept listening to Asriel talk. If they closed their eyes, it was almost like he was there in the room, back in his bed again.

“Oh, and um… did I tell you about the date I went on?” Asriel suddenly said. Kris opened their eyes.

“Date? You said you were gonna get coffee with that girl from the internship program,” Kris said.

“Ah, yeah, I wasn’t sure if it was a date, but it definitely was!” Asriel laughed awkwardly. “We had a good time. I’m gonna get lunch with her tomorrow, actually.”

“Oh. That’s nice,” Kris said.

Asriel was quiet for a moment.

“You don’t want to… I don’t know. Ask about her?” he asked.

“Should I?” Kris said, the words slow and sticky in their mouth. It was just a coffee date. It’s not like this girl was their brother’s girlfriend yet. Was it callous to not want to get invested in her?

Asriel just laughed it off.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I guess you don’t really care about that stuff, do you?”

Kris felt small and heavy, like they’d shrunk into a ball and slipped through their mattress, through the floor, through the Earth below.

“I might,” they whispered.

“Huh?” Asriel hadn’t heard them. Kris gulped.

“I kind of… do,” they said. “I just. Things are weird right now.”

“Hm? You mean, like… like what?” Asriel asked.

Kris’s throat clammed up. They couldn’t get a word out.

“Hey, you alright?” Asriel’s voice lowered. It sounded like he was holding the phone close to his mouth.

“I don’t know,” Kris said. “Thinking about it just… makes me sad.”

“What? Why? Thinking about what?”

Kris sighed.

“Relationships.”

“Oh. Is something—did something happen?”

Kris shook their head, then remembered they had to put it into words.

“Not really. I just… I don’t think I… I think something’s wrong with me.”

“Kris. Don’t say that.”

“You don’t even know what it is yet,” they said.

“OK, sure, but still. I don’t think there could be anything wrong with you,” Asriel said.

Kris rolled onto their side, the phone on the pillow next to their head, and felt the tears start to build. They felt sick, like a stomach ache and a headache were simultaneously coming on.

“Kris?” Asriel said when they’d been silent for a while. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kris chewed their lip. They closed their eyes, and saw Berdly sitting next to them on the beach, laughing. 

“I think I messed up,” they said.

“How so?”

“I… someone likes me,” they whispered, the words so foreign on their tongue, they could barely form them. “And I rejected them. But I don’t think I really wanted to. I think I do… like… this person.”

Asriel was silent for a long moment. Kris’s heart thumped heavy in their chest, anticipating, in a moment of irrational fear, that he would be angry with them.

“Well, OK. In the moment, why did you reject them?” Asriel asked.

“Um. Because I don’t want… I don’t think I want… Relationships, or, uh, some aspects of them, kind of scare me?” they managed to say, though the words came out shaky. They blinked, and the tears started to fall.

“So it wasn’t about the person? Just relationships in general?”

“Mn.”

“OK. But then after the fact, you realized that you actually do like this person?” 

Kris let out a trembling breath.

“I think?” their voice squeaked.

“Is it too late to tell them that?” Asriel asked.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t want to lead him on.”

Asriel made a small noise of surprise. Kris groaned, realizing they’d slipped up, and though they waited for Asriel to ask something like oh, a boy, huh? Who is it? It never came.

“Well, here’s what I think,” Asriel said. “I think, if you’re honest with this person, you’re not leading him on. If you want to tell him how you feel, even if it’s not clear-cut, you can do that. You can’t control his response, but you can open the conversation.”

“But isn’t that kind of… messed up?” Kris asked. Their chest spasmed, trying to keep the tears from falling.

“What’s messed up?”

“To tell a person that likes you that you think you like them, but you aren’t sure?”

“No. That’s being honest,” Asriel said.

“But what if… it’s more complicated than that,” Kris said.

“How so?”

Kris rolled onto their back again and laid an arm over their eyes. The tears pressed into their skin, wetting cheeks and arm alike. 

“What if I don’t want what he wants?” they mumbled. “What if I don’t feel what he feels?”

“I… I don’t know,” Asriel said. “I don’t know this person. Er… you know what I mean.”

Kris was silent. Asriel was too, at least for a little while.

“Do I know this person?”

“No. Forget about it,” Kris snapped. “Goodnight, Azzy.”

“Hey, hey, hey, wait!” Asriel scrambled, and Kris hesitated with their thumb over the end call button. “Sorry, don’t answer that. Forget I asked.”

Kris rolled their eyes.

“Look, I’m… I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers. But I’m really glad you can talk to me about this, Kris. It sounds like you needed to talk about it. Or, uh… it’s good that you did.”

“Mm.” Kris still felt closed off, the conversation over, but they appreciated what their brother was trying to do.

“And you don’t have to tell me more about it if you don’t want to, but… please don’t just keep this bottled up. Keep talking about it. To someone. Me, if you want, or… I don’t know. You have good friends.”

“Mm.” Kris’s frown went tight. Asriel didn’t realize how sensitive that phrasing was.

“OK. That’s all I wanted to say,” Asriel said. “We can say goodnight now, Kris.”

“Kay. Night.” And they hung up.

…

Kris didn’t talk to anyone the next day. Not on purpose, necessarily, but no one reached out and they made no attempt of their own to communicate. Their shift at QC’s started at one instead of the usual five, since Sundays were their busy days and they needed the extra help. Kris clocked in and immediately got to work on the pile of dishes already mounded up in the sink. 

Mugs, plates, forks, and other utensils all needed to rinsed clear of food before they could go in the sanitizing dishwasher, and used for plating again. Pans and bowls, whisks and ladles, and all the other kitchenware needed to be washed by hand, dunked in the sanitizer compartment of the sink, and hung up to air dry. The other kitchen staff made light small talk with Kris, but they hardly said a word in reply. Just a hum or a grunt with a head-nod where it was necessary.

Luckily Catti didn’t work Sundays, so they didn’t have to talk to her. She was the only one on the staff Kris actually kind of considered a friend, but they didn’t want to see any friends right now.

They knew that was probably exactly the opposite of what they should do. Seeing friends, joking and laughing, doing something fun, asking for reassurance. That would make them feel better. But something stubborn clenched in their chest. They didn’t feel like they deserved that. They deserved to be here, silently scrubbing dishes, splashing water onto their apron and getting bits of food stuck to their arms above their yellow gloves. 

Before they knew it, the pile of dishes was gone. They sprayed down the empty sink, collecting the mushy sog of food residue into the mesh drain stopper, and plucked it out to tap into the trashcan. 

“Hey, nice job, kid,” the lead line cook said as he stepped over to use the handwash sink. “You’re gettin’ real efficient. We ought to teach you to roll silverware so you got something to do when you run outta dishes.”

“Oh, let them take a break,” the other line cook said. “Here, kid, I got extra fries. You bring a dinner?”

Kris shook their head. They usually just had a hot chocolate on their break and ate when they got home, for these long Sunday shifts. 

“No? You like grilled cheese?”

Kris nodded.

“What are you doing, givin’ out free food?” the lead line cook dried off his hands and went back to his station.

“C’mon, the kid never eats,” his coworker said. They bickered back and forth for a minute, but it devolved into lighthearted laughter by the time a freshly buttered grilled cheese went down on the griddle. 

Kris felt awkward, just standing there, and turned back to the sink to peel off their gloves and wash off their arms. They were throwing away a wad of paper towels when the cook came over with a plate of lukewarm fries and a hot grilled cheese.

“Take thirty, kid, you deserve it,” he said.

“Thanks.”

Kris absconded to the back and ate at the tiny table in the cramped break room. The minifridge hummed disconcertingly loud, and the old wooden chair creaked at the slightest movement, but the grilled cheese was buttery and crispy and gooey in the middle. Kris felt the warmth settle in their stomach and spread through their body. 

People care about each other. Even strangers. In a world like that, it’s near impossible to ever truly be alone.

Chapter Text

Kris logged onto Minecrap the next day, and decided to play in their trio world, though they hadn’t messaged Berdly nor Noelle. They could feel the thought itching at the back of their mind, telling them that they knew they wanted to talk to their friends, so they should just message them, and yet they didn’t. They just wandered around in some distant, unexplored territory looking for anything interesting, and secretly hoped they’d see someone’s name pop up in chat.

A few hours in, their stomach rumbled loud enough that they finally realized they were hungry. Rather than logging off, they put themselves in a safe spot, a hole in the ground with a few torches, the entrance blocked up with dirt, and then went downstairs to find something for lunch. 

The clock over the oven said it was two thirty-five already, so it was a bit late for lunch, especially considering they hadn’t eaten breakfast, either. Kris sighed and opened the fridge. This happened a lot when they didn’t have work or other plans with their friends. They felt sort of aimless, and old habits came back quicker than they’d like to admit.

There was some sliced turkey in the fridge, so they threw together a sandwich and grabbed a bag of off-brand potato chips from the cabinet to go with it, then brought it all back up to their room. It didn’t sound like their mom was home at the moment, so there was no one to tell them not to get crumbs on the computer.

They put the plate down on the desk and sat down in their chair, tearing open the bag of chips, then paused when they saw some activity in the chat in the corner of the screen. They pulled the chair closer, set the chips aside, and read the messages.

Noelle had joined the game, asked where Kris was a few times, asked if they could join voice call, and then she left.

Kris frowned, leaving the game to see if she was still online for a voice call. Her status said she was offline, but they gave it a try anyway.

After a minute, she joined the call.

“Oh! Hey Kris! I, uh, couldn’t find you in game. Were you AFK somewhere?”

“Yeah. I just went downstairs to get food. Did you want to join?”

“Um. Actually, I kind of wanted to talk to you?” Noelle paused, but Kris didn’t say anything. They weren’t sure how to respond to that. “But we can also play, if you want. I can—I can join?”

Kris sighed.

“No, it’s fine. What do you… want to talk about?”

“Um, well, you see, yesterday—or, before that, too, but—ugh! OK. I’m just gonna say it.” It sounded like Noelle slapped her own cheeks. Kris smiled at the image of her all flustered over this, but only briefly. They had a feeling they knew what this was about.

“Berdly was really sad yesterday, and he wouldn’t tell me why, except that it had to do with you!” she said.

There it was.

“And, um, I can only assume it has something to do with—well, I hope this isn’t news to you, but he’s had a crush on you for, um, a while now, so I have to assume it’s that, right? Unless, um. Unless it isn’t? And I just gave away his secret?” Noelle laughed awkwardly. Kris took a deep breath and closed their eyes before answering.

“No, I knew. You didn’t… spoil anything,” they said, though they frowned at their own phrasing. “And yeah, I would also assume it’s about that.”

“You… you don’t know for sure?” Noelle said.

“Last time we talked, he seemed fine,” Kris said. “But, I suppose he could have been faking it.”

Kris felt a pang of guilt, phrasing it like that. They supposed? Of course he was faking it. Of course he was putting on a smile for them, not wanting them to feel bad. They should have known better.

“Um. I think he definitely was, then,” Noelle laughed again, the sound even more nervous and shrill than before.

Kris’s stomach clenched.

“Was he… how upset was he?” they asked.

“Oh! No, not, uh, it’s not, like, an emergency or anything,” Noelle said. “He was just really mopey. And he kind of did a weird monologue about the cruelty of the universe and… um, irony? Or something? I don’t know, but it was concerning.”

Somehow, that image almost put a smile on Kris’s face. Of course he’d wax poetic about being rejected by his crush.

“So can I ask what happened?” Noelle said, her voice smaller, more careful than before.

“You can ask,” Kris responded on reflex.

“Kris. You know what I mean,” she said.

They groaned and slumped down in their chair. Their headset started to slip up, and they pulled it back down over their ears.

“Yeah, I guess I broke his heart or something,” they said. “I didn’t… want to.”

“Didn’t want to what?” Noelle asked.

“Hurt him.” Kris felt a stab in their own chest, like they’d inflicted the same pain on themselves, just by talking about it. Was it guilt, making them feel this way? Or were they grieving their own rejection, too?

“No, I—I’m sure you didn’t,” Noelle said. “I’m not accusing you of that.”

“I know.”

Noelle sighed on the other end. Silence slipped over them for a while, and Kris pulled their legs up onto the chair, sitting hunched up in a ball.

“So you really don’t like him?” she said.

“I guess not,” Kris said.

“You guess?”

“I don’t,” Kris said, but it didn’t feel like the truth. Noelle deserved the truth. 

“I don’t know,” they corrected. “It’s—hard, even for me, to figure it out. But I think… I’m pretty sure I’m not feeling the same thing he is. So that’s what I told him.”

“What? Well then of course he’s going to think you don’t like him!” Noelle said.

“OK? And isn’t that better? Or at least easier? Then dealing with my bullshit mess?” they said.

“No! Kris, that’s—” Noelle groaned, though the sound was muffled, like she’d laid her head on a table or rolled over into a pillow. 

“Kris, what, exactly, did you tell him?” she said when she was closer to the microphone again.

“Is it that important?” Kris said.

“Yes! Two of my best friends aren’t communicating with each other about something really important!” Noelle said. “I don’t want Berdly to be sad and I don’t want you to close up again and I don’t want any of us to stop being friends!"

“That’s not gonna happen,” Kris said. “We already talked about it. We’re still gonna be friends. He wouldn’t lie about that.”

Noelle made a shrill, nervous noise. Kris rubbed their hands over their face.

“Fine, you want to know what I told him?” they said.

“Please?” Noelle chirped.

“I told him… I told him I’ve never been attracted to anyone, and I might not ever be, and then I thought he might feel that way too, but he told me I was wrong, and I knew he meant he liked me, and I got mad at him, and then we made up, and he said it’d be alright and he wouldn’t pursue me.”

“Oh. What? Oh!” Noelle gasped. “Kris, you mean you’re asexual?”

Kris scrunched up their eyes.

“I’m what?”

“Aseuxal... It’s like, well, like you said. When you’re not attracted to anyone,” Noelle said. 

“That can’t be a thing, can it?” Kris said. Their heart was suddenly beating very hard, and they really wanted Noelle to keep talking. 

“No, it’s a thing, I swear!” Noelle laughed. “I, um, I read about it when I was… er, so, in middle school I took a lot of, like, am I gay quizzes online?”

“Yeah, of course you did,” Kris chuckled.

“A-anyways!” Noelle’s voice got squeaky with embarrassment, which made Kris smile wider. “I ended up reading a lot about, like, different sexuality labels, and so obviously there’s like straight and gay and bisexual and some others, but there’s also the option—or, no option’s not the right word—there’s the possibility, I guess? Of not being attracted to anyone of any gender. And that’s called asexual.”

“Huh. So…” Kris’s teeth chattered as they tried to talk, and they clenched their jaw shut for a moment to settle it. “So, are there a lot of asexual people? Or is it more… niche?”

“Mn, I’m not sure. One second.” 

Kris heard typing on the other end.

“OK, it’s not incredibly common, but it’s still a big community! This says about one percent of the population is asexual,” Noelle said. “Oh! And it’s more common for humans than monsters, apparently.”

“Really?” Kris asked.

“Yeah! For humans, it’s more like two percent of the population.

Kris rolled their eyes.

“That’s still not a lot,” they said.

“That’s millions of people, Kris!” Noelle said. “You’re just thinking about it wrong.”

“Oh. I mean, I guess.”

“Like, if you know a hundred people, which most people do, at least in passing, then you know an asexual person!”

“Well, statistically speaking, you’d probably know an asexual person. Not definitely," Kris corrected.

“Yes, right, sure. But, hey, I know an asexual person,” she said.

Kris went silent.

“S-sorry. You don’t—I didn’t mean to just—”

“It’s fine,” Kris said. “But I don’t… I don’t know if… I need to think about this, first.”

“Yeah, of course,” Noelle said. “But I’m glad you told me, or you wouldn’t even know this was an option!”

“Heh, yeah. That’s true,” Kris said. “Only a dork like you would know about this.”

“Hey!” Noelle pouted on the other end, and Kris laughed. 

They settled into a calm moment of quiet, and Kris’s smile slowly faded into a more neutral expression. So they might be asexual. Which was a normal, established thing that lots of other people experienced. So they might not be broken after all.

That felt pretty good—but also sort of scary.

What if they were wrong? Could they really be attracted to nobody, nobody at all? Were they old enough to even make that call yet?

And what about the tightness in their chest, when they thought about Berdly? 

“I just wanted to say, though… whether you’re asexual or not, it’s not your fault if you don’t return Berdly’s feelings,” Noelle said. “You can’t control that. So, don’t think that you’re letting him down, or something.”

“Mn. I know,” Kris said.

“And um… I’m sorry,” Noelle’s voice got small again.

“Huh? Sorry for what?”

“I did something stupid. Before—before all this,” she said.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific,” Kris said. “You’ve done a lot of stupid things.”

“Hey! Kris, you—!” Noelle made a sound like she was screaming with her mouth closed, then took a deep breath. “Anyways. What I was trying to say…”

She paused again, and Kris kept quiet this time.

“I told Berdly I thought you liked him back,” she said. “When he first told me about his crush on you, I mean. I… I don’t know, I thought it was obvious! I thought you guys both liked each other! And I feel really bad, that I was wrong, and I helped him, like, get his hopes up. And that I put words in your mouth. Or, uh, feelings? In your… heart?”

Kris laughed, just briefly, then shook their head.

“You’re fine, Noelle. You don’t have to apologize for that,” they said. “Though… I am curious. What made you think I liked him?”

“Um…” Noelle laughed awkwardly. “I don’t know? You kind of look at him differently. Sometimes. Like all fondly and stuff. And… you guys hang out alone together kind of often. Which I know is because you guys like the same video games! But aslo… I thought maybe it was more than that? And you’re the only one who laughs at, like, all his jokes. Even when they’re not that funny.”

“Because it’s funny that he thinks they’re funny,” Kris defended themselves, then regretted saying it when Noelle laughed at them.

“Sure, I guess,” she said. “But, honestly, in hindsight, none of that necessarily means you like him like that. That’s all normal for friends, too, I guess. Really good friends.”

“Yeah, we are good friends,” Kris said, clinging to that one thing they knew was true. Whether they liked him romantically or not, that wouldn’t change.

“Well. Anyways. Do you want me to send you some links about asexuality? If you want to read about it yourself?” Noelle asked.

“Oh. Um… I guess?” Kris wasn’t sure they really wanted to look too deeply into it, though they also weren’t sure what they were afraid of. Perhaps just that it wouldn’t line up with what they were feeling after all, and they were just a broken, confusing mess like they thought.

“OK! I really do think you should think about it,” Noelle said. “It sounds pretty much like what you were saying.”

“Mn.” Kris watched a few links pop up in their DMs, but didn’t click on them. 

“And um… if you want to, you know you can talk to Berdly about this, too,” Noelle said. “He cares about you, Kris. And not just because he likes you.”

Kris remembered the way he said those words, the best of friends, and felt a twist in their heart.

“Yeah. I know,” they said.

“And obviously, um… I care about you, too,” Noelle said. “So we can always talk, too. If you want. Or if you don’t, that’s fine too.”

Kris sighed fondly.

“Noelle. It’s fine. You’re fine,” they said. “I appreciate it.”

“O-oh! OK. Good,” she said.

“Are you and Susie doing anything today?” Kris asked. They knew Berdly had work, but they had the day off, and they were finally willing to listen to that voice telling them to see their damn friends.

“We didn’t have plans, no,” Noelle said. “But I imagine she’s free. Probably just sleeping in extra late, knowing her.”

“True,” Kris said. “Would you want to… hang out, the three of us?”

“Mn! Yeah! Sure!” Noelle said. “I can call her, just a sec…”

Noelle left the call, and Kris waited in the quiet, feeling surprisingly calm for all they’d just discussed. The thought of seeing Susie put it all at a distance, like none of this attraction and romance and sexuality stuff even mattered, anyways. She wouldn’t give a damn if Kris was asexual or not. She just liked Kris for Kris. 

Noelle sent another DM.

ICE-E’s in thirty?

Kris rolled their eyes. Of course Susie wanted to go there, she was the only one who actually liked their gross pizza.

They responded with a thumbs up, then finally started eating their sandwich. Better to fill up now than be tempted to join Susie in downing greasy pizza until they puked. Again.

Chapter Text

Susie slurped down the last of her soda, the straw crackling as she pulled up mostly air between the ice cubes at the bottom, then opened her mouth and let out a massive belch. Noelle continued to look absolutely enamored by her from across the table, and Kris suppressed a laugh. 

“You gonna eat your crusts, babe?” Susie asked, gesturing to Noelle’s plate. Two bone-dry pizza crusts sat stacked on top of each other. It was honestly impressive how greasy the cheese could be, without there being any moisture to speak of in the crust, like this place had engineered the least-appetizing pizza recipe ever made. Kris still ended up eating a slice, though. The smell of the cheese always got them.

“Nope, all for you!” Noelle grinned, passing the plate towards Susie.

“Nice!” Susie tossed them both into her mouth, barely chewed, and gulped them straight down.

Noelle giggled behind her hand.

“So… now what should we do?” Susie put her hands behind her head, leaning back against the booth.

“I mean, it’s nice out. We could just walk around for a bit,” Noelle said.

“Oh yeah, Kris loves doing that,” Susie said. Kris glared at them, then rolled their eyes and shrugged.

“Sure. Whatever.”

They all got up and threw out their trash, then filed out the door. Susie seemed intent on continuing her joke by lining up behind Kris and motioning for them to lead the way, so Kris just huffed and started walking. When they got to the corner, they decided to head south instead of north, just because they didn’t particularly feel like heading towards home. Noelle was right, the weather was perfect, and they wanted to enjoy it.

Of course, heading south meant heading towards the church, the mayor’s office, or the woods where the bunker was, none of which were particularly great options for hanging out. Kris decided to turn towards the church, then walked past it and into the graveyard. 

“Ha! Of course you want to hang out here,” Susie said.

“It’s quiet here,” they said.

“You don’t, uh, find it kind of unsettling?” Noelle asked.

“Aw, what, you afraid you’re gonna see a ghost?” Susie teased her. “Or a zombie?”

“What? No, obviously not,” Noelle laughed. 

“Maybe a severed hand is gonna come crawl up your leg?” Susie tickled the back of her neck, and Noelle shrieked, but it quickly turned into hysterical laughter.

“Susie, stop it!” she said though giggles, her face alight with a deep red blush.

“I’m just messin’ with you,” Susie said, grabbing her shoulder more firmly and pressing a kiss to the top of her head, between her antlers.

“Gay,” Kris said, and they both laughed.

“Hell yeah we are.” Susie showed them her middle finger, which Kris mirrored back to her. Noelle covered her face and shook her head.

“You guys, please,” she said.

“Sorry babe, you know I gotta defend your honor,” Susie said, squeezing her shoulder.

Kris laughed, the sound sharp between closed teeth. 

“What honor?” they said.

“Oh, you wanna go?” Susie let go of Noelle and rolled up her sleeves. It would have been intimidating, if she wasn’t grinning ear to ear.

“Maybe I do.” Kris put their hands on their hips.

“Alright, square up, nerd!” Susie jumped and planted her feet wide, raised her fists and rolled them back and forth, like an idle animation in a fighting game.

Kris reached into their back pocket and pulled out a pencil, leveling it towards Susie like it was a knife.

“I don’t think you want this heat,” they said.

Susie doubled over laughing.

“Kris! Put that stupid thing away!” she said.

“Oh. I forgot it doesn’t turn into a sword anymore,” Kris joked.

“You are such an idiot.” Susie wiped a hand over her eyes, then planted her palm on top of Kris’s head and ruffled their hair. “I love you so much.”

“Heh.” Kris smiled, their shoulders scrunched under the weight of her hand. This wasn’t the first time she’d said that to them, but now Kris saw something new in those words. The love of friends could be just as important as the love of a romantic partner, and Susie was their living proof of that.

“Can you two not try to kill each other for, like, five minutes?” Noelle said.

“Nope!” Susie stuck out her tongue at her girlfriend, who rolled her eyes and smiled fondly.

Kris ducked out from under Susie’s hand and walked over to Gerson’s grave. They pulled themselves up onto the flat top of the hammer-shaped grave, swinging their legs up and landing in a crouched position.

“Kris! I don’t—I don’t think you can just do that?” Noelle said, looking around nervously.

“Nah, it’s fine. He wouldn’t mind,” they said.

Susie came over and leaned on the side of the grave.

“They’re right, he’s totally chill,” she said.

“Ah, right…” Noelle still looked worried, but seemed to take their word for it. She knew the story of everything that happened in the dark worlds, but since it had been a couple years since all that happened, and she didn’t experience it first hand, it was probably easy to forget that her friends had once met the man—or at least a version of him.

“How’d you get up there, though?” Susie asked Kris. “This grave is, like, as tall as you?”

“Muscles,” Kris said, grabbing their arm where a bicep would be, if they did, in fact, have muscles.

“Oh yeah, for sure,” Susie nodded with a knowing smile.

“Well, if Kris can do it, surely I can, then,” Noelle said. 

She stepped up to the adjacent grave, but it was even taller and a much more irregular shape. She walked around it, judging the best strategy for climbing it, then stopped in front of it again, a look of foolhardy determination on her face.

“Uh, babe, you really don’t have to try that,” Susie said. 

“No, no, I think it’s totally doable!” Noelle waved her off.

“I wanna see her try,” Kris said with a teasing grin.

“Oh, well, now I have to do it.” Noelle quickly put her hair up in a ponytail. “No better motivation than spite!”

Susie laughed, and leaned on the grave again, settling in to watch.

Noelle placed her hands on the middle two spikes of the star, which jutted out pretty level to the ground, then pulled up and lodged her feet in the slight divots made by the inscription. She moved one hand to the top of the star, swung one foot up to rest on the lowest spike of the star, then pulled her other arm up so her elbow rested on top. With that leverage, she was able to get her other foot up to the middle spike, then hoist her torso up onto the top of the star. Some shuffling ensued, and finally she was straddling the top of the grave, sitting with one leg hanging down on either side.

“There!” she huffed, completely out of breath. “I did it!”

“That was impressive as fuck,” Susie said. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks were deep purple.

“Of course, um, now the question is how to get down…” Noelle swung both legs to the back and looked over the edge of the grave. Her eyes went wide. She must have not realized how high up she was, but the top of the grave was nearly six feet off the ground.

“Oh, I can help you—” Susie took a step forward, but Noelle suddenly teetered forward, and before she had time to react, Noelle had slipped off the back of the grave and landed hard on the ground.

“Noelle!” Susie rushed to her side. Kris scrambled off of Gerson’s grave, but it took some time to make sure they didn’t hurt themselves in the process, too.

“Ow, ow, ow, my ankle!” Noelle was holding her leg and crying when they finally got down. 

“Is it broken? Let me see!” Susie gently pulled her shoe off and rolled her pant leg up, eyes frantically searching for blood or bone. It seemed fine on the outside, but that didn’t mean everything was alright on the inside.

“I think it’s sprained,” Noelle said, the words tight in her throat. “It hurts really bad.”

“Ah, shit. OK. We gotta get you to the hospital.” Susie put one arm under her legs and the other behind her back, and lifted her right off the ground.

Noelle really must have been in a lot of pain, because she didn’t even blush or swoon at being carried by Susie. Her teeth just chattered and her hands grabbed at the front of Susie’s shirt.

“Kris, grab her shoe!” Susie said over her shoulder. Kris nodded, quickly picking it up and following Susie out of the graveyard.

“It’s gonna be alright, you’re gonna be OK,” Susie told Noelle as she walked briskly past the church and up the street towards the hospital. 

Kris felt absolutely terrible. They were the one that brought them to the graveyard, the one that climbed up on a grave, the one that encouraged Noelle to try for herself, even though it was so obviously dangerous. Old wounds reopened in their chest. They hated hurting Noelle, and yet that’s all they ever seemed to do.

They didn’t deserve to be her friend. They should never have gotten close to her again.

Susie ran into the lobby of the hospital, and Kris trailed behind, trying not to cry as they stared at Noelle’s shoe in their hands.

“Excuse me! She broke her ankle—or, uh, sprained it! We think? She needs a doctor!” Susie told the receptionist.

“Is she bleeding?” the monster behind the counter asked.

“No, but—”

“Exposed bone?”

“No…”

“On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?”

“Um… nine and a half?” Noelle said.

“And what’s your name?”

“Noelle Holiday,” she answered.

“Alright, take a seat. Someone will be with you shortly.”

“Can she not have some fucking pain killers in the meantime?” Susie said.

“Susie, it’s OK! I’m sure they’ll be fast.” Noelle said. “I’m not… dying.”

“Ugh. Fine.” Susie huffed and walked back over to the chairs. She set Noelle down in one and then plopped down next to her. Kris stood nearby, holding her shoe.

They took a deep breath. Susie sat with her arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently, while Noelle closed her eyes and scrunched her hands into fists on her legs, clearly trying and failing to block out the pain.

Kris approached and set the shoe down on the chair next to Susie.

“Um. Would it help if I… distracted you?” they asked Noelle.

“Huh?” She opened her eyes. “With what?”

“The piano?” Kris pointed to the small piano in the corner of the room. Noelle’s face lit up.

“Oh! Yes, that’d be amazing!” she said.

Kris let themselves smile, pushing down the self-depricating thoughts as they settled at the bench and put their hands in position over the keys. Running away didn’t solve anything. If they really wanted to help Noelle, then they had to stay and actually do something to help.

They started with an upbeat tune, something fast with lots of plinking flourishes. It was actually quite easy, but it seemed like they were showing off, which was part of the point—they wanted to give Noelle something else to think about.

“Hell yeah, that’s my talented best friend!” Susie said when the song was finished. Kris laughed, and began another, something actually technically challenging this time. Susie cheered them on, which made Noelle laugh, and Kris smiled behind their hair, which fell over their face as they hunched over the keys. 

They were nearing the end of the song when the door opened and a nurse came out.

“Noelle Holiday?”

Noelle raised her hand, unable to stand up. The nurse brought out a wheelchair for her and took her into the back. Susie seemed to want to follow, but it was clear the nurse wasn’t going to let her, so she just stood and watched, nervously wringing her hands together.

Kris got up and walked over, putting a hand on Susie’s shoulder.

“I’m sure she’s gonna be fine,” they said.

“Yeah, I know. I just… feel bad.” Susie looked down at the ground.

“Me too,” Kris admitted.

Susie gave them a funny look, then silently reached out and took one of their hands in hers. She squeezed it, and Kris squeezed back.

“Let’s wait here until they’re done. Don’t wanna… just leave her here,” Susie said.

“OK.” 

They both sat down. Kris considered playing the piano again to distract Susie, but they didn’t really feel up to it. The quiet stretched across minutes, until Kris heard a ping from their phone in their pocket.

Berdly had texted.

I am leaving my shift at the library now! Are you perhaps free for an epic gaming sesh this afternoon?

Kris chuckled and showed Susie.

“What should I say?” they asked.

“Send him a selfie,” Susie said.

“You wanna be in it?” Kris opened the camera app and turned their phone horizontal, trying to get both themselves and Susie in frame, while still making it obvious they were at the hospital.

“Hell yeah!” Susie threw up a peace sign, and Kris put their free hand into a thumb’s up. They snapped the photo and sent it to Berdly.

He responded immediately.

Why are you in the hospital???

Kris chuckled as they typed out their response.

Noelle died.

WHAT???? Berdly immediately texted back

She sprained her ankle, Kris sent.

Oh. Berdly was quiet for a moment, then two more texts came in quick succession.

STILL WHAT???

HOW??

Susie laughed, reading the texts over Kris’s shoulder, and as they started to type out a reply, suddenly Berdly was calling them.

“Sup?” Kris said.

“I’m on my way to the hospital! What happened!?” Berdly was completely out of breath already. Kris could hear his skinny legs shuffling and his talons clacking on the pavement.

“We were climbing stuff and she fell,” Kris said. “There’s no blood or anything. They took her back there and we’re just waiting.”

“I’m here! I’m here!” Berdly said, the call suddenly ending as he sprinted through the doors.

He flopped over when he got to them, hands on his knees and hyperventilating.

“Dude, calm down, she’s not gonna die!” Susie said.

“My best friend is in the hospital! I cannot be calm, Susan!” Berdly squawked.

Just then, both Susie and Kris’s phones lit up with a text from Noelle. Berdly bent his head over Kris’s shoulder to read it.

They think it’s just sprained, I’m waiting for an X-ray now though! she said. Three dots appeared as she continued to type, and then the next message appeared.

The nurse gave me some stuff for the pain. Hasn’t kicked in yet but I’m ok :(

Susie immediately started typing a reply, and Kris just waited to see it in the group chat.

Want us to call your dad? Or mom?

Call my dad, yeah. Not mom. Noelle answered.

Kris texted btw Berdly is here now as Susie rang Noelle’s dad.

OMG WHAT who told him so fast? Noelle said.

He texted me. Said u were dying and he ran over here. Kris answered.

KRIS XD Noelle texted back. Apologize to him!!!

“Oh, uh, hi Mr. Holiday,” Susie said. Kris texted Noelle a simple :P.

“Um, I just wanted to let you know Noelle is in the hospital—it’s nothing bad! She just fell off a… a wall. And sprained her ankle. We think. They’re gonna X-ray it and stuff. We brought her right over here!” Susie said. She paused, listening to him, then laughed. “Uh, we as in me and Kris. Oh, and Berdly’s here too, now.”

Kris could hear Rudy laugh on the other end.

“OK, yeah we’ll wait for you to get here. She says she’s alright!” Susie paused again. “Mn. Yeah, of course. Bye.”

She hung up, and Kris looked down at their phone to see Noelle had said she was going in for the X-ray, now.

“She say anything else?” Susie asked as she opened the texts back up.

“She’s probably not gonna be able to text for a bit,” Kris said.

“Mn. Yeah. OK. Guess we just wait.” Susie sat back down. Kris sat next to her and Berdly took the chair across from them.

“Ah, shit, you know what I just realized?" Susie said. “She’s probably not gonna be able to come to Adventure Canyon!”

“That’s your concern right now?” Berdly acted aghast.

“No! I’m just saying! She’s gonna be bummed.” Susie crossed her arms. “And I’m bummed, too. I really wanted to go.”

“I’m sure she’d still want you to go,” Kris said. “You were really looking forward to it.”

“Eh, I guess… I don’t really want to be your guys’s third wheel, though.”

Berdly and Kris were both completely silent. Susie frowned, looking between them.

“What? It was just a joke,” she said.

“Aha, yes! Forgive me for not laughing at your low-brow humor, I forget not everyone has my superior comedic sensibilities,” Berdly said. Kris groaned and put a hand on their face. He only got this bad when he was nervous or upset and trying to hide it.

“Oh, can it, birdbrain!” Susie half-heartedly swiped a hand at him, and Berdly yelped as he ducked out the way.

“No fighting!” Kris put an arm between them. “Or they’re gonna kick us out of the hospital.”

“Hmph. Fine.” Susie leaned back in her chair. The front doors opened again, and Rudy Holiday came strolling in.

“Hey, kids, thanks for taking care of my Noelle,” he said as he walked over to them. “I can take it from here, you don’t have to wait around.”

“Are you sure?” Susie asked. “I don’t mind waiting…”

“No, no, she’d feel bad if you all just sat around. Plus, these things can take a while. I’m sure she’ll call when we finally get out of here!” Rudy said.

“Alright. If you insist…” Susie got up, and Kris and Berdly followed.

“Oh, but, can I just ask?” Rudy put a hand on Kris’s shoulder as they turned to leave. They looked back at him sheepishly. 

“What wall, exactly, was she climbing on?”

“At the… graveyard?” Kris said.

“The graveyard has a fence, not a wall,” Rudy pointed out.

Kris sighed.

“It was… we were climbing on the graves,” they mumbled.

“Ah. And that was your idea?”

Kris frowned and nodded.

“I’m sorry…” they said, voice cracking. Rudy looked surprised.

“Hey, no, it’s alright. These things happen.” He patted the top of their head. “Just be more careful next time. And maybe be a little more respectful of the dead, yeah?”

“Yes, sir,” Kris nodded, and ran out to follow their friends.

Chapter Text

Kris slept poorly that night. 

Noelle had texted a few more times with pictures of her X-ray, then of the boot they’d put on her foot, and though she insisted she was fine, Kris still felt guilty. The later in the night it got, the harder it was to ignore the dark thoughts swirling in their head, telling them it was their fault she got hurt and what a waste of a friend they were.

They tried to breathe and let the emotions pass, then think of something else to distract their mind, but each time they thought they’d finally let it go and could get to sleep, their mind wandered back to the graveyard. Noelle slipping, Noelle screaming, Noelle shivering in Susie’s arms, the pain Kris had put her through.

The bunker, the missing posters, the unanswered questions. The pain Kris had put her through.

She’d forgiven them for that. What happened when they were children. She didn’t blame this on Kris, either, probably didn’t even connect them at all, but Kris’s heart burned with guilt and grief. Their mind told them this was punishment for forgetting to make themselves small, for letting themselves be happy, allowing that joy to let them be reckless. 

Their mind told them they were a waste of space. Useless. Wrong. Broken. Better off dead.

Tears came and went, but the image of a blade lingered over them in the dark of their bedroom. Their fingers twitched for the knife they gave up two years ago, and their mind eagerly supplied them with other suggestions of sharp objects they could use.

Kris rolled out of bed at three in the morning and stumbled down to the kitchen. Their hand shook on the banister. Their cheeks were tacky from dried tears, their eyes burned from all the tissues piled up in their trashcan. 

They kept their gaze on the fridge. The utensil drawer—they didn’t even let themselves look at it, lest it become an option.

They hadn’t hurt themselves in almost a year. They didn’t want to do it again.

Kris opened the freezer, grabbed an ice cube from the tray, and pressed it to their arm. The sharp, cold sensation burning into their skin was almost enough to satiate the need throbbing through their veins.

The tears came again. Bubbling up with pathetic sobs, louder than Kris wanted them to be. The hard part about feeling this way now, when they were supposed to be recovered, was the guilt over backsliding. If they could just be kinder to themselves, accept that feeling low sometimes was all part of the non-linear path of recovery, it wouldn’t hurt so bad to feel this way.

But if they knew how to be kinder to themselves, they wouldn’t be feeling this way in the first place.

The ice melted around their arm, trickling water onto the kitchen floor. Tears dripped from Kris’s chin, spotting the collar of their shirt.

Upstairs, a door opened.

Kris threw the ice into the sink in a panic. Toriel’s footsteps clambered down the stairs, and Kris looked around frantically, like they’d been caught doing something actually wrong. 

“Kris, are you alright?” Toriel asked as she walked into the kitchen. Kris didn’t know what to say, and the silence must have concerned her more, so she turned on the light.

“Kris, you were not going to…?” she looked from their arm to the utensil drawer.

“No. I was… using ice.” Kris showed her their arm. A large red patch glowed where the cold ice had agitated their skin.

“Oh I see.” Toriel looked uncomfortable. She was still bad at talking to Kris in these moments, but she was getting better at restraining her concern—not burdening them with comforting her when they were the one hurting.

“Is this about Noelle?” Toriel asked. Rudy had called her that night, so she knew Kris was involved in the accident.

“Kind of.” Kris held their arm close to their chest.

“Honey, no one blames you for that,” she said. 

Kris gulped. No one except themselves.

“I know. I just… I can’t sleep,” they said.

“I think you need a change of scenery, then,” Toriel said. “Bring your blankets to the couch. And I’ll sleep in my chair.”

Kris nodded. That actually sounded nice. They wouldn’t spiral so much with someone else in the room. 

They went upstairs, grabbed a blanket and a pillow, then came back down to find the lights off again, Toriel already nodding off in her chair. Kris laid down on the couch and curled up under the blanket.

“Goodnight, dear.” Toriel got up and kissed them on the head. “I love you very much.”

“Mn.” Kris hid their head under the blanket. Toriel made a soft sound, halfway between a laugh and a hum, and went back to her chair.

It didn’t take long for exhaustion to catch up with Kris once their mind could finally settle. They slept heavy and dreamless, long after the sun rose in the windows.

…

Toriel left pancakes on the table for Kris. They were cold by the time they ate them, but they were used to that. They kind of preferred the thick, starchy texture of the cinnamon pancakes when they were a few hours old.

In daylight, it was easier to see what happened yesterday for what it was. An accident. It wasn’t their fault, and they weren’t a bad friend. In fact, if they wanted to be a good friend to Noelle, running away was the last thing they should do. 

They opened their messages with her, about to ask if she wanted any snacks from the store, when they saw those links she had sent yesterday, as well as a few notifications from Berdly.

Kris put down their fork.

They opened Berdly’s messages first.

I’ll be at the library until four, but we should do something nice for Noelle! Would you like to help me pick out a get-well present for her after work?

They smiled, warmed by the thought that they’d had the same idea.

Sure, they texted back. I’ll pick u up at 4.

He didn’t respond right away, probably busy working, so Kris finished their pancakes and put their dishes in the sink, then walked back upstairs to their room. Part of them was still resisting looking into this asexuality thing, but Noelle wanted them to, and they wanted to be nice to Noelle, so they’d made up their mind that they had to, even if it felt like they were forcing themselves.

They turned on their computer and opened a browser. It took a while to type in the link by hand, but soon enough they had the first webpage in front of them.

It was some kind of forum specifically for talking about asexuality. The recent chats looked like they were mostly about movies and TV shows people were watching, so Kris ignored that and found the About tab instead.

Right at the top, there was a definition of asexuality: A sexual orientation in which one experiences little to no sexual attraction for others, regardless of gender. Asexuality can be used as an umbrella term that encompasses the asexual-spectrum, including demisexuality, greysexuality, etc.

More definitions followed. Kris read each one carefully, feeling connected to some phrasings, and disconnected from others.

Halfway down the page, the idea of the spit attraction model was introduced.

Sexual and romantic attraction could act separately. You can feel one and not the other. 

Kris could be asexual and still want a relationship.

There was then a list with definitions of romantic orientations, most of which mirrored the sexual orientations that came before. It was a lot to take in, and Kris’s mind buzzed with possibility.

This was what they felt for Berdly. Romantic attraction. Their gaze went unfocused, the screen seeming to split into two glowing squares, as they imagined being with Berdly romantically, but not sexually.

Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, going on dates, saying sweet things to each other. All of that gave them a warm feeling, like flowers blooming in their chest, and now that they knew it didn’t have to lead to the parts they didn’t want—now that the threat of the bedroom didn’t loom its shadow over the rest—they could see more clearly how much they wanted this.

Of course, that didn’t mean Berdly would want the same thing. A relationship without sex would be juvenile. Undesirable. It might just frustrate him, being so close to Kris, without getting access to what he really wanted.

Kris shivered at that thought. It didn’t seem like Berdly only cared about their body, in fact Kris thought it was quite the opposite. He seemed to care genuinely about them as a whole person. But if they didn’t feel sexual attraction, how were they to know how important that part of it might be to him? 

How could they just tell him to forget those desires and be happy with what Kris wanted to give him?

It seemed so selfish. It seemed so hopeless. Perhaps it was best to just stay friends, like they’d already agreed.

Kris clicked back to the main tab and scrolled through the conversation threads, hoping to find something about relationships. There didn’t seem to be anything recent, so they clicked on the search icon and looked up relationship.

That term proved to be pretty vague, but after a bit of scrolling, they found what they were looking for.

Can asexual people have healthy relationships with non-asexuals?

The person who’d started the thread seemed to think the answer might be no. They’d had some bad experiences with relationships, and were wondering if they should give up and only seek to date other asexuals, which they also didn’t like the idea of, since it would “limit the dating pool.” 

The responses were more hopeful than that.

The first one was from a woman who didn’t realize she was asexual until after she’d been married to her husband for two years. She came out to him, and though it was difficult at first, they worked things out and had been happily married for ten years, now.

The next comment was from a man who said his boyfriend wasn’t asexual, but they were able to be intimate in non-traditional ways that allowed them both to feel safe and loved, so it was totally possible to compromise.

Some responses were just hypothetical of course it can work! kind of answers, but there were so many genuine examples, too. Every third comment seemed to be from an asexual person in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who wasn’t asexual, and each couple had different ways of bridging the gap. 

Kris’s heart felt light. Hope bubbled in their chest. Maybe it would be worth it to try. Maybe it could work, after all.

Their phone buzzed, and they realized they were sitting with their face up close to the screen, completely absorbed in what they were reading. They sat back and pulled out their phone. 

It was a new message from Berdly.

Kris blushed and smiled as they opened it. If he only knew what they’d just been thinking about.

Pick me up? In what vehicle!? He’d responded to their last text. Kris laughed and typed out their reply.

Gonna pick u up with these epic guns, duh.

Kris added two flexing arm emojis, then waited for his response with their lower lip between their teeth. They were being flirty, and they knew it. 

I’d like to see you try! Berdly said.

Challenge accepted.

Berdly was typing, then suddenly he stopped. Kris waited, but no new message came.

He was probably just pulled away by work, but Kris preferred to imagine him so flustered, he couldn’t even answer. It was a cute image.

They liked being able to think about these things without feeling like they were doing something wrong. 

Kris sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Something like certainty settled over them.

Yeah. They were asexual.

And, yeah. They had a huge crush on Berdly.

Those two things could coexist. It wasn’t a contradiction. Kris wasn’t broken, wasn’t wrong. Kris was just ace, and being ace felt good.

Chapter Text

Kris leaned up against the brick facade of the library to wait for Berdly to emerge after his shift. It was warm again, almost unpleasantly so in the direct sun, and the shade from the overhang only covered their face and the top half of their torso. They considered stepping inside to wait instead, but it was only a few minutes before the door opened and Berdly stepped out.

“Ah, Kris! Here to pick me up?” he asked teasingly.

“Yup.” Kris casually wrapped their arms around his torso and hoisted him up off the ground.

He was all feathered and hollow bones, so it didn’t take too much effort.

“Wha—Kris!? Unhand me this instant!” he screeched, even as he wrapped his wings around their shoulders and his legs around their waist to support himself.

“Nah. I’m just gonna carry you to the store like this,” they said.

“Absolutely not! This is humiliating!” Berdly gently kicked their lower back with his foot, the talon curled in so they wouldn’t hurt Kris, and Kris laughed, finally setting him down.

“Alright, alright. I’m just messin’ with you,” they said.

“You are ridiculous,” Berdly huffed, adjusting his glasses, which had gone askew in the fray.

“C’mon. I don’t wanna make Noelle wait.” Kris motioned for him to follow, and began walking up the street towards the convenience store. Berdly rushed to catch up so he could walk by their side. 

“Did you remember to bring money, or will be sponsoring this entirely myself?” Berdly asked.

“Yes, I brought cash.” Kris rolled their eyes. “I’m not broke anymore.”

“Ah, that’s right. I forget, sometimes, that you managed to find gainful employment.”

“Shut up, asshole.” Kris slapped their hand onto the back of his head and ruffled his feathers. Berdly squawked and jumped away from their hand, and Kris laughed at his over-dramatic reaction.

“If your mother knew you used such foul language in public—” he began to berate them.

“And who’s gonna tell her?” Kris cut him off. “You’re not a snitch, are you, bluebird?”

“I am only saying!” Berdly crossed his arms. Kris snickered, bumping him with their shoulder playfully. 

Berdly looked away. Kris tilted their head, trying to see his face, and when he let his arms down again, they were closer than either realized. His feathers brushed against their hand, and they both gasped softly.

Berdly’s neck swivelled, meeting their eyes. A sudden breeze pushed their bangs back out of their face, and despite the chill wind, their cheeks felt warm.

“Oh, look, we’re here!” Kris ran across the street, their heart pounding in their ears. They glanced back from the steps and saw Berdly looking both ways before he crossed. A teasing remark about his goody-two-shoes behavior melted like sour candy on their tongue, leaving only a pain in the back of their jaw.

They opened the door and silently ushered Berdly inside. The bell jingled as it fell shut, and Kris shoved their hands in their pockets as they followed him towards the snack aisle.

“Let’s see… she likes these chocolate cookies, oh, and the caramel popcorn!” Berdly plucked a few items off the shelf, his hands quickly becoming full, and doubled back to the front to get a shopping basket.

Kris wandered towards the card section in the back.

There were only a few options for a “get well soon” card, and each one they picked up seemed worse than the last. Too funny, too serious, too religious. Kris sighed, holding two of the least offensive options and looking back and forth between them.

“Found a card?” Berdly asked, now behind them with a basket full of snacks.

“Um… not really,” they said.

“That one looks fine.” Berdly pointed to the card with flowers on the front and a simple message inside.

“I guess… It’s just not really…” Kris shrugged and put both cards back.

“No card?” Berdly asked. He was looking at Kris curiously. Kris looked away.

“I guess they don’t make sorry you broke your ankle and also I feel really guilty about getting you hurt considering everything that happened with your sister cards.”

“Hm. No, I suppose they don’t.” Berdly said, hand scratching his chin like he was actually taking this conundrum seriously. That surprised Kris. They really thought he’d laugh or be creeped out.

“Isn’t that just what a blank card is for, though?” Berdly plucked one off the wall, with a water-color-esque image of croissants and pastries laid out on a table with a steaming cup of coffee. “So you can write your own message?”

“I… I guess.” Kris took the card. “Should I really say all that, though?”

“Perhaps not,” Berdly said. “But I can help you think of a better way to phrase it. If—if you want, that is.”

Berdly nervously rubbed the back of his head, glancing back at the snack aisle. Kris smiled and held the card with both hands.

“Yeah. Let’s do that,” they said.

“Oh? I mean, good, yes. Perfect.” Berdly coughed into his fist. “Is there anything you wanted, or should we check out?”

“Just… just one thing.” Kris shuffled to the end of the aisle where there was a small stationary section. There wasn’t much selection as far as decorative pencils went, so Kris just picked up a rainbow-colored pack.

“OK, I’m ready,” they said. Berdly gave the pencils a funny look, but didn’t say anything. He bought the snacks, then Kris stepped up to pay for the card and pencils.

With that done, they stepped back outside and walked to the bench on the corner to write in the card.

“Oh. I don’t have a pen,” Kris said.

“Is that not what you bought the pencils for?” Berdly asked.

“What? No, these are for Noelle. I can’t open it.” Kris shook their head.

“I see.” Berdly reached into his bag, and after a long moment of rustling around and making a very scrunched-up, concentrated face, pulled out a pen.

“Aha! There it is. I knew I had one!” He handed it over to Kris triumphantly.

“Thanks.” They couldn’t hide their grin. 

“Ahem. Now, for the message!” Berdly clapped his hands together. “I think it may not be appropriate to include the bit about, uh, your guilt and her sister.”

“Well duh,” Kris grumbled.

“Right, yes, that was obvious. But… well, Kris, though Noelle may not be the right person to, um, discuss that with, if you do need someone to talk to—”

“What does this have to do with the card?” Kris cut them off.

Berdly coughed into his fist.

“My apologies,” he croaked, and Kris felt regret biting at their tongue.

“No, I…” They sighed and bent over the open card, their hair dangling onto the white paper.

“Maybe another time,” they whispered.

Berdly was silent for a moment, then slowly placed a wing on Kris’s back and rubbed up and down.

“You know I… I was so worried about Noelle, I didn’t really stop to think… are you doing alright, Kris?”

His voice was lower than usual, both in register and volume, the sound entirely unforced. Kris took in a sharp breath, a spear of trust poking light through the dark clouds in their head.

“Not really… last night—” The words got stuck in their throat. Their teeth chattered, and they tried to take a deep breath, but it came in shaky. Now they just felt too exposed. Anyone could walk by and hear them. Even Berdly could turn away, disgusted by what he heard if they kept talking.

“Last night?” he prompted them to continue. His wing remained a gentle weight on their back, like a comforting blanket.

“I, uh… I really wanted to hurt myself,” they forced the words out, small and squeaky. “But I didn’t.”

“A victory, then?” Berdly asked.

“Huh?” Kris momentarily forgot to feel nervous, they were so confused.

“You were victorious over the negative thoughts! That’s something to be proud of,” Berdly said with a genuine smile. “You’re so strong, Kris!”

Kris started to laugh, then tears filled their eyes and they found they couldn’t stop laughing at all.

“You’re so stupid, Berdly,” they said, embarrassingly fond, and wrapped their arms around his shoulders. He said nothing, just hugged them back.

They stayed like that until Kris’s tears dried up. They pulled away and wiped their cheeks, lamenting the lack of touch as Berdly’s wings slipped away from their back.

“Thanks. That… that actually kinda made me feel better,” they said.

“Mission accomplished!” Berdly fist-pumped the air, and Kris rolled their eyes.

“OK, nerd, now what the hell do I put on this card?”

“Ah yes! Well, traditionally for a get-well-card…” 

Berdly rambled off a few options, and Kris took the pieces they liked best to pen down a message that didn’t feel forced or cheesy, but wasn’t all self-deprecating, either. Something that felt right to actually say to Noelle.

They tucked the card into the envelope and sealed it shut. 

“There. Are you ready to head over, now?” Berdly asked. “I don’t want to keep her waiting.”

“Yeah,” Kris nodded. They felt a little lighter, the words now out of their head, either spoken or put down on paper. “I’m ready.”

…

“Kris? Pencils?” Noelle laughed, holding the packet of them in one hand and the card in the other.

“Well. I probably owe you more than that,” Kris said. “But it’s a start.”

“Faha! I don’t need them back! I gave them to you, Kris,” she said, then her smile softened, and her eyes said she understood the deeper meaning of the gesture. “But, still. Thank you.”

Kris nodded, unable to answer more than that.

“Now, let’s see what’s in here.” Noelle put them both down on the coffee table and reached for the bag of snacks that Berdly brought. She was sitting on the couch with her foot elevated on a pillow, Susie draped over the back of the couch behind her, and Kris and Berdly on the adjacent chairs.

Her mom wasn’t as strict about guests anymore, thankfully, but Noelle still didn’t like to have anyone around when Carol was home. Luckily, she almost never home until late into the evenings, so they had time before Noelle would kick them out.

“Aw, all my favorites!” Noelle said. “Thank you, Berdly, that’s really thoughtful!”

“Heh, of course I would deliver nothing but S-tier snacks for my very best friend!” Berdly boasted. 

“Yo… you gonna eat all those oatmeal cakes?” Susie asked, practically drooling over Noelle’s shoulder.

“Susan! Those are not for you!” Berdly said.

“It’s fine, let’s all have one! It’s a big box.” Noelle tore it open and passed the packages around. Berdly refused at first, saying something about the principle of the thing, but once the rest of them dug in, he relented and took one.

“Oh, um, that reminds me,” Noelle said, looking around at all four of them. “I really don’t want to stop you all from going to Adventure Canyon. Please just go without me. I want you guys to have fun!”

“What? And leave you here bored all by yourself?” Susie huffed, wrapping her arm around Noelle’s shoulders from behind.

“I’d be even more sad knowing you missed out on it because of me,” she said. “Plus, you can keep me entertained by sending me pictures white you’re there! I want to see all your faces on the rollercoasters.”

Susie made a low, growly, hum, clearly not convinced, but Noelle started scratching under her chin, and she soon changed her tune.

“Oh, fine. If it’s what you really want…” She sighed and leaned into Noelle’s hand. “But you better expect to be bombarded by photos!”

“I’d expect nothing less!” Noelle chuckled.

With that settled, the group pulled out some board games to entertain Noelle for the rest of the afternoon, and into the evening. The hours passed by quickly, their banter only briefly interrupted by Rudy bringing in some lasagna for their dinner, which they all politely thanked him for heating up. 

He surreptitiously handed Kris the money for the tickets to Adventure Canyon, which felt strange to accept, since Noelle wasn’t coming anymore, but he seemed quite convinced that she’d be devastated if the rest of them didn’t still go, so Kris pocketed the cash.

They only noticed how late it had gotten when the door clicked open and slammed shut, Carol’s icy presence sending a quiet chill through the room.

“Um. Oh, gee, look at the time,” Noelle said. “I guess you all should get going!”

Carol glared at Kris especially poignantly as she walked past the living room to go upstairs, but didn’t say anything.

Kris turned away and coughed into their fist.

“Yeah. I’m heading out,” they said.

“Man… I wish we could just have a sleepover,” Susie pouted.

“Aha, um, not tonight,” Noelle glanced back at her mom, and didn’t need to explain any further.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Susie sighed, sitting up from where she slumped into the couch next to Noelle and stretching. Her arm landed on Noelle’s opposite shoulder, and they shared a quick kiss before Susie got up and went to put her shoes back on.

“Shall we all come over tomorrow again?” Berdly asked. “To keep you entertained?”

“Mn, sure! Though… Kris, don’t you have work in the evening?” Noelle said.

“Yeah. I guess we’ll have to take shifts,” they said. “I’ll be heading out just as you get here, Berdly.”

“I’ll be here all day, so long as I don’t get kicked out,” Susie said, and everyone laughed.

“Alright, alright, I’ll see you all tomorrow, then,” Noelle said. “Some time or another.”

“Bye, babe.” Susie gave her another kiss, leaning over the back of the couch.

“Bye, Noelle,” Kris waved.

“Be well, dearest Noelle!” Berdly said.

The three of them left, chatting as they walked down the long path and the even longer driveway, then said another round of goodbyes as Berdly split off to head to his apartment.

Susie followed Kris in the direction of their house, and neither of them said anything about it. She slept over frequently, especially when things were rough at home, and her earlier comment tipped Kris off that tonight would probably be one of those nights.

“I’m home, mom,” Kris said as they came in. Toriel wandered into the living room from the kitchen, already in her pajamas and steeping a cup of tea. “Susie’s here, too.”

“Hey.” Susie shot her a casual wave.

“Oh, hello Susie! Will you be staying over?” she asked.

“If that’s alright?”

“Of course, dear. Anytime.” Toriel gave them each a kiss on their foreheads, then meandered back towards the kitchen. “I’ll just be having my tea, then off to bed. Have a good night.”

They shuffled past her to the stairs, then up into Kris’s room. 

Susie changed into one of the oversized tees and flannel pants she kept around the house, and Kris put on their own pajamas. They changed back-to-back in the same room, not a shred of embarrassment between them. Their friendship was comfortable like that. If Kris ever ran out of toilet paper or needed someone to grab something for them while they were in the shower, Susie was the one they’d want to call. When she stayed over, they actually could. It was nice.

“Wanna raid the fridge?” Susie said. “You guys got the good ice cream right now?”

“Nah, I finished that stuff,” Kris said. “We’ve got popsicles, though.”

“Ugh, fine. Those’ll do.” 

They peeked down the stairs and, seeing the light was off in the kitchen, hurried down to gather their snacks. Susie took the whole box of popsicles, and Kris grabbed a tub of chocolate covered pretzels from the cabinet. Haul in hand, they rushed back upstairs and giggled behind the closed door, turning off the lights so the lava lamp lit the room in a soft, green glow.

“Dude, this is epic. You didn’t tell me they were those orange cream popsicles!” Susie pulled one out of the box, tore the plastic off, and bit into it stick-and-all.

“You like those ones?”

“They’re the best! Well, you know, for popsicles. Cookie dough ice cream is obviously the best, though if we’re talking all frozen desserts, nothing beats a triple fudge sundae.”

Kris snickered, opening the bag of pretzels and crunching on a few.

“Wanna watch something?” they asked.

“Eh, sure,” Susie shrugged. “Not tired yet.”

“Same.” 

Kris pulled down the laptop and set it on the floor in front of them. Susie pulled the beanbag over, and they slumped down on it shoulder-to-shoulder once Kris had loaded up an hour long gaming video to enjoy.

Susie devoured the entire box of popsicles before it was halfway done, and with a dramatic belch, announced she needed to go wash the popsicle goo off her hands.

Kris paused the video and let her get up.

In the ensuing silence, it didn’t take long for them to pull out their phone for a distraction. There was a new message from Berdly, which didn’t seem particularly odd, so they immediately opened it.

Are you going to be alright tonight?

Kris’s smile fell away.

Yeah, Suz is here, they answered.

Oh! That’s good. I’m glad you have so many people to support you, Kris. Berdly responded almost instantly, and followed it up with another message shortly after. My apologies if that came off condescending. I just wanted to offer my company if you needed support.

It’s fine Kris typed, then felt their cheeks warm as they added I appreciate it.

Berdly responded with the hug emoji, to which Kris sent a vomiting emoji.

Nevermind! I rescind all offers of kindness, you ungrateful wretch! Berdly said.

Kris sent a middle finger emoji, holding their phone close to their face and giggling.

HOW DARE!!! Berdly said, and their laughter burst over into snorts.

Jk ily, they typed out, then hesitated, erasing the second abbreviation. Jk u can hug me i guess they decided to send instead.

Now I don’t want to.

Yeah, you do.

Berdly merely sent an ellipsis, then after a long pause followed with yes, yes I do. For some INCONCIEVABLE reason you HORRIBLE miscreant!!

Kris’s stomach shook with laughter, their eyes scrunched up and face completely pink. Their heart felt fluttery, imagining Berdly twice as flustered in his own room, how much gasping and sputtering he must have done at their answers.

Then the door opened, and Susie stared down at them with a suspicious brow raised.

“Uh… who’ya texting?” she said.

Kris gulped, looked down at the messages again, and knew Susie, of all people, was not the one to hide this from.

“Berdly.”