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Jax is not alone in the bathroom.
There’s a buzzing near his ears, and a shaking feeling that travels up, up, up his arms and legs, as he breathes. He’s shaking, gripping the edges of the sink and trying desperately to ignore the way his eyes look in the mirror. Ugly, small, present .
He needs to get the fuck out of his own head.
It’s usually easy to transition from the ever-devasting awareness to cool and fake non-chalance. He just has to breathe, ignore his heart, and smile and hit whoever is closest to him. Unfortunately, today, nothing works. No one is around for him to torment.
Jax takes another breath, grips the sink again, and stares at the shiny white porcelain, beautifully clean and perfect and fake. Fuck. It’s all fake, he should be over this. Shouldn’t worry about someone who he didn’t even know as a human. They’re all fake. Everything. Everyone.
This is not real, he tells himself, ignores the beating of his stupid cartoon heart and takes a breath.
He looks up to the mirror, sees the way the bunny face warps and warps, until he can almost make out a human face. His face, real and tangible and so, so close. Maybe—Maybe he can finally remember himself. His name. What was his name? What did he—? Are those his eyes, his teeth?
The bunny face is back, with its ever-present stupid smile and—God, were his eyes always so shaky? He hates the way his emotions show so easily through them. He wishes it was easier to control, like his human face—Gods, his face. He needs to fucking leave. He needs to get home. Maybe, he can find that stupid exit that—
“Jax.”
—Fucking Pomni was talking about. Speak of the devil, he thinks, and he lets his eyes widen and his mind wander, stubbornly thinking of no one and nothing. It’s easier now, knowing there’s someone to fake for.
“ Hey , Pomni,” he says, dragging out both the words. “What are you doing in the gents bathroom? Got a bit lost?” He’s teasing and being awful but right now that’s exactly what he needs. Push her away. Push her away . “How about I show you the way? I won’t be able to go in with you—” He grins, and winks at her.
She stares at him from the door, then shuts it behind her. A lock materialises, and she locks it.
“What the fuck?” He says, finally, as she stalks towards him. “Hey, Pomni, how about we fight somewhere that doesn’t have excess amounts of glass? This body may be fake but it still hurts .”
Pomni stands in front of him, jabs her finger into his stomach (which is the highest she could reach without stretching, because Jax is pretty sure she wanted to jab his chest but settled for the next best thing) and growls. Jax didn’t know she could make that noise. “Talk,” she hisses, grabbing his wrist to stop him from running off.
Jax considers punching her then running off. Unfortunately, he’s unsure if he’ll be strong enough to do that. His arms are still shaking. “Talk about what, dollface?” He tries to slip his hand out of her grasp but she’s surprisingly strong for her height and noodle arms. “Did you do any strength training in real life?” He wonders aloud. He’s not sure if things like strength translate from real life, but come to think of it, Gangle came in with her drawing skills, so maybe…
“Talk,” Pomni says again, and he’s not certain what exactly she wants. He has so much he can talk about. Maybe he can start talking about something gross and she’ll give up. “About earlier,” she amends, and suddenly her own pupils shrink and stare at him. Present. She’s present. Fuck.
“It’s nothing,” he answers, because it’s true. It’s nothing. He’ll get over this. He will. He just needs to forget. Forget. Fucking—
“Jax,” Pomni says, softer than before. He wishes she wasn’t so nice to him. He was sure his outburst from earlier would’ve been enough to pushher far away. Maybe she’s dealt with someone like him before. Maybe she’s crazy.
Jax hopes she’s crazy. If she’s crazy, she’ll abstract sooner and he can go back to wide eyes and stupid grins. No one will care. No one will know. About him, and his stupid corn fear, about Ribbit, about, about —
His breathing is heavy again, and it’s stilted and sharp. He can’t get a full breath. He feels his legs give out from underneath him.
So weak. He’s so weak. He needs to go home. Where? Where is it? He needs to get the stupid headset off. Surely, it’s only been a few minutes. A few minutes. Hours, at most. His mother probably misses him. Probably. What was she like, again? She was funny, surely—
He’s probably late for work. Fuck, he wishes—What if he’s in a coma? Surely that would—
“Jax,” there’s a hand on his arm. His arm is purple. Why is his arm purple? He swears his arm had more fat on it. He wasn’t ever this skinny. He liked eating. He never— “Jax!”
“What?!” He manages, and suddenly the bathroom comes to focus, and he remembers and his ears are still ringing and his eyes are shaky but he’s, he’s there and he’s not home. Is he dead? Is this hell? Purgatory, maybe? It can’t be limbo, he never believed in—
“Jax, look at me.” Who was this voice? He looks over, and she’s small and cute, round like an infant. Wide, knowing eyes. Her eyes are wide, how is she present? How? Can Jax ever do that?
“Breathe with me, Jax,” she says, and Jax does. It’s exhausting. He loses the rhythm like fifty times. He kicks and punches so many times. He pushes her away. She keeps coming back. She’s here, she’s staying. How is she staying? Everyone else left.
He punches his own legs, desperate to feel anything. The bunny body doesn’t bruise, but he feels. He feels the pain. Good. Great.
His breathing evens as Pomni rubs his back carefully, slowly. He’s back. His eyes are still small and shaky.
“Are you back?” Pomni asks, still sitting on the floor with him. “You—It’s been a while since you’ve spoken. I was getting worried you would—” Abstract , she doesn’t finish. She just stares at him, quiet.
Jax sighs, rubs the feelings out of his eyes. “Ugh.” He says, quietly.
Pomni sighs in relief. “Good. I’m glad—I’m glad you’re still here, Jax.”
Jax nods once, mutely. “Thanks,” he forces out. “You—We should go back. We shouldn’t—”
Pomni laughs, quiet and slow. “Yeah.” She stands up, dusts off the non-existent dirt of her legs, and offers a hand to Jax.
Jax stares for a moment, and he feels the feeling creep back into him. Shit—
Before he can slip again, Pomni has pulled him up. “Come on, slowpoke. We gotta go. One of us may be the winner.”
Jax laughs, unsteady. “Yeah, sure—”
“Ah—” Disappearing Guy leaves a stall, then immediately disappears. It eases the tension, and him and Pomni giggle as she unlocks the door.
Jax holds her hand as they leave the bathroom, and his legs feel less weak.