Chapter Text
A glint of the sunlight hits the surface of his eyelids, as he strains them together. The loud “beep” of the alarm irritates his ears, as he cracks his eyes open to be welcomed with the morning sunshine entering his room, weaving through his half-closed blinds. The sweet smell of the dewy grass outside after the rainstorm last night fills him with peace, but not for long.
“Zach, boy, you will be late for school. Get down here and hurry up!”
Zach's father coldly yells from downstairs as his voice slurs with a hangover. His father drank a lot last night, it wasn't unusual. He groaned, wanting to lay in his bed for the rest of the day, but he couldn't. He didn't have a choice.
Zach shifts upwards, and moves his legs off and up from the bed. He stumbles, as a split second of light-headedness hits him like a truck. He falls back onto his bed as his eyesight goes from black to a slight blur. He sighs, he didn't eat anything yesterday…at all. It wasn't very surprising that he started getting dizzy over small actions. He stood up again, slower, until his dads voice bit the insides of his ear again with his harshness.
“You're taking too long! You're gonna make me have to take you to school! Do you want me to get arrested, Zach? Quickly! Now!”
He sighed, grumbling softly as he took a breath and responded back with the most nicest tone he could give.
“Sorry, Dad! I'm coming now!”
An exhale of relief spouted out his teeth, no response meant he wasn't…too mad that he's taking too long. He glanced at the slightly reddish-brown stains on his nightstand…but, he was too worried about his father getting upset, so Zach stretched, and ran downstairs as if he was running from a coyote. He spotted his father laying on the couch like a slob. He could only think those words, say them, and he would probably regret it. Badly.
He walk-runned to the fridge in a rush, looking in it for some joke of a “lunch” to bring to school. The faint hum of the fan running inside the fridge filled the silence, other than his fathers loud breathing. Zach opened the door as it creaked, looking inside.
An opened bowl of expired hummus…
An overripe banana that looked like a stickbug…
And…
A single bottle of fresh, cold water.
Good enough.
He grabbed the bottle, as he shoved it in his backpack full of books and crumpled up paper planes. Zach rushed to the front door, seeing the bus getting ready to leave, as he practically taped his shoes on, hanging from his ankles. He waved to the bus driver, as the driver waved back with a smile on his face.
…Familiar.
He hopped on the bus, as he noticed all the kids staring at him. At least…that's what he felt was happening.
The popular girls were putting their half-blended makeup on, fixing their fake lashes and plastic barbie doll makeup.
The weird geeks were talking about Magic the Gathering and My Little Pony. Zach had a desire in his heart to join them, yet…if he did, he would've gotten bullied so bad he would've had to swap schools again - which definitely won't happen due to his dads crippling debt.
The goths and emos were showing off their new hairstyles they got over the weekend, and their new insane layers of jewelry that could stop blood flow.
And…the back.
2 empty seats.
Surrounded by jocks and football boys, all wearing the same outfit - a football hoodie or t-shirt, black or blue jeans and some of the ugliest backwards caps he's ever seen.
He sighs, knowing that if he sat anywhere else, he'd have to squish against everyone else. He walked down the bus, as the driver shouted.
“Sit down, everyone! I don't want any of you guys cracking your heads open when I'm driving, or else that's on me.”
He quickly sat at the window, wanting to stare and zone out until they got to the school grounds. He could hear the boys next to him talking about his messy, greasy hair, and laughing openly about it…as if he didn't hear enough bad things about him already.
What seems like forever, after multiple stops, and kids screaming, they reached the highschool. He looked up at the tall building, as he rubbed his eyes - he forgot to wash up. Great. Another thing to be bullied about today.
He stepped off the bus, slouched over, his backpack handles digging into his shoulders. The jocks nudged past him, nearly knocking him over into the muddy grass. A blessing from God that he kept his balance and didn't fall over.
…Time for another excruciatingly boring day at school.
* ˚ ✦
Finally, the bus home. Zach's legs ached and throbbed, walking around the school campus exhausted him like crazy. He felt like he learnt absolutely nothing. He was cramped in-between all the other kids in the back, as they purposefully nudged their elbows into him. It hurt his ribs, he felt like they were going to crack. Until…
Zach's house.
‘Finally, somewhere where I can get at least a bit more peace.’
He stumbles out of the bus as it nearly speeds off before he even gets out. He stood outside his house for a minute, staring at all the cracked paint and overgrown grass. His house was a wreck.
He followed the ever so slightly visible path to the front door, as he creaked it open to his father, setting 3 cases of beer on the table.
…He had money for beer, but not for food?
“Dad, what are you doing…?”
Zach cautiously inquired, even though his dad was a complete asshole, he showed obvious concern.
“What does it look like I'm doing, boy? I got beer. Do you have a problem, Zach?”
“N-no, Dad. It's okay.”
“Are you giving me attitude, boy? Don't think that you have a say in what I do with my money. Are you being ungrateful?”
“No, Dad! I'm not, I didn't mean to give you .. attitude - I'm sorry!”
“Don't think I'm stupid, I wasn't born yesterday. You're being an ungrateful brat, Zach. I use my money the way I want it to be used.”
Zach's dad approached him with what seemed like great rage. He could feel himself faintly shivering, already keeping his hands up in defense.
“After everything I do for you, this is how you want to treat me?! You're being fucking stupid, Zach!”
“Dad…please…I'm sorry…”
“Stop it with this ‘sorry’ bullshit! Godamnit, Zach!”
His fathers hand waved back and struck him on his face.
His hands lifted to cover up his cheek, turning red, looking up to his father with glossy eyes.
A helpless kitten in a world of hate.
That's what he was.
Helpless.
“Stop- Dad! Please, I'm sorry! Ow! Please!”
“Shut the fuck up! Being an ungrateful child leads to this, Zach! Don't fucking question me again, got it?”
“Yes- I do! Please! Stop - ack - Dad please! STOP!”
“DON'T FUCKING YELL AT ME!”
* ˚ ✦
Zach's eyes felt heavy from sobbing. He kept taking short breaths in, beads of tears rolling down his cheeks down onto his homework sheet.
Exercise sheet - Homework
Algebra
Q1. Solve for 𝑥
3(x - 4) + 2 = 2x + 6
A tear falls onto the space after the “=” on the sheet. Fuck…he's too unbothered to even do any work at all. He placed his hand over the sheet on his desk, crumpling the paper in his hand aggressively and throwing it “into” the trashcan across his room. Out of frustration, he kicked the messy and dirty clothes across his room, throwing them to the wall. He didn't want to attract too much attention though, so he stopped after what seemed like enough of a temper tantrum.
His legs shifted across the piles of unfinished homework, clothes and dust across his room - the bruises under his hood throbbed loudly as if he could hear it in his head - as he sat down at his computer to play Roblox.
A break from reality.
“Hello, itz_skeetplayz!”
Friends :
xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx
m4tt_wazhere
xxxxxxxxxx
His eye caught onto “m4tt_wazhere”. That was his best friend's user. Matt wasn't in school today, unusual. He's much of a people pleaser and a teacher's pet.
Chat with m4tt_wazhere
m4tt_wazhere:
cant wait 4 ur birthday party dewd!
itz_skeetplayz:
me too man.
1 day ago
itz_skeetplayz:
hey dud, wanna play zsumthin?
Sent just now
A wave of uneasiness filled Zach to the brim. He felt off…Matt was usually online today.
…
No…
Fuck.
How could he forget?...
Yesterday …
Matt…
✧˚ · .
“Hi, Zach! What's up?”
“Nothing much.”
“...Is there no one here? Jeez…I'm sorry dude.”
…
“Uhm - Anyway, I brought you a present!”
“Cool, follow me.”
“Oh- are we going to your room? Cool!”
“Mhm. The thing I um…mentioned.”
“The thing you told me over text? Boy, I'm so excited!!! I can't wait! But it.. is your birthday, so why are you showing me thi- OW!”
“ZACH- STOP! YOU'RE HURTING ME!”
“WHY AREN'T YOU SAYING ANYTHING?”
“ZACH PLEASE! WHAT- OW! WHAT DID I DO!”
“I'm sorry…”
“I can't…I can't move…Where am I….Zach…? Why…why are we at the river? Zach…”
“I'm…I'm so tired…Zach, what are you doing…”
“You one lucky bitch…”
“ZACH I CAN’T- I CAN'T SWIM- PLEASE! STOP! ZACH- COME BACK! STOP! STOP IT!!!”
“ZACH, COME BACK!”
✧˚ · .
Those words echoed in his mind endlessly. The flashback sent him spiraling. He could feel himself staring at his screen, his chest getting tighter and his throat closing up. He felt like he couldn't breathe.
“I can't…I can't breathe…”
The guilt hit him like a truck, choking him until he couldn't let air out of his grinding teeth anymore. He lowered his head, holding his forehead cupped into his palms. His breaths got heavier, faster, and desperate. His chest tightened into a knot, and his stomach churned with self-reproach. His actions were disgusting. Gruesome, unforgiving. All influenced by envy.
Jealousy.
“God damnit, Zach, turn off that damned computer! Its fucking up the power, I need to watch the fucking game!”
Zach flinched up, his hands shaking as he snatched them off his head. He snapped out of his moment after his father shouted at him, as he tried to gain composure to respond.
“Sorry, Dad! I'll turn it off now and go to bed!”
His voice quivered, he was on the verge of tears. He let out a big exhale, as his hand slipped off the power button after pressing, still shaking. The computer buffered, and turned black. Zach sat for a moment, staring at his reflection on the black screen of his computer.
I'm fucking pathetic.
Zach got up, and not even a step, a tumble onto his bed. His face hit his pillow, as his body finally rested. His muscles relaxed, and his chest finally felt loose.
The guilt of what he did, it stabbed him like ten thousand knives in his back. It will forever haunt him.
Matt…
He thought. He thought if he called his name enough in his head, a miracle would bring Matt back.
Matt……
A hoax, a big lie, is what he thought this was. A dream.
This isn't real…Matt's alive.
He lied to himself in his head. And
he knew it wasn't true.
He knew.
And he cried.
* ˚ ✦
Envy is a demon haunting us all.
One of the seven deadly sins, it could kill us or someone we love.
Envy makes you a different person when you act on actions you thought you'd never do.
The devil leads you into temptation.
—