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Charlie is fifty percent anxious and fifty percent excited.

His recent dates have been disastrous and he is on the verge of swearing off men. Maybe joining a convent.

He’s already started googling non-celibate orders when Elle told him about this new guy.

“He’s like a golden retriever, Charlie. Jane never allowed you a pet!”

“I’m looking for a partner, Elle, not a pet. I’m hoping for sex to be involved.”

“I’m sure you can unleash his inner tiger. You’re in for a treat! Just trust me, babes.”

And this is how he ended up waiting for his blind date.

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Elle did not lie. His date is a treat. That man is easily the most beautiful and fit creature Charlie has ever laid eyes on.

And now he’s going to be able to ogle him all day, and he’ll make the most of it, thank you very much.

“Hi, I’m Nick, you must be Charlie,” the eye candy greets him with a lop-sided smile and a voice as warm and soft as his jumper looks.

I’ll need to make him lose that jumper, Charlie thinks. Then I’m gonna steal it. And then I’m gonna marry him.

New life goal unlocked.

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They are strolling over to the summer fair in Nick’s part of the town. Smart choice – they can just walk around talking, but there’s still plenty to do if there’s a lull.

“So, Charlie, what did your last date do wrong?”

“You’re asking me about my last date?”

“I wanna do better than him.”

“And how do you know it wasn’t him that dumped me?”

“So he was a blockhead?”

Charlie rolls his eyes, but grins.

“He bored the fart out of me.”

“I’ll make sure to entertain you properly then!” He leans forward, and whispers, “I’m gonna woo you!”

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“Okay, tell me an interesting fact then,” Charlie quips.

“Cows are government spies.”

“You’re kidding me!”

“No, for real!”

“But that doesn’t make any sense. Where cows are there is nothing else!”

“Did you ever see a cow watching you for five minutes straight?”

“That’s what cows do!”

“And why is that? You think you’re interesting to a cow? You’re quite sure of yourself.”

“And what would the government want to know about me?”

“They wanna know what you hide behind that beautiful face of yours!”

Charlie stops.

“You think I’m beautiful?”

Nick grins and leaves a befuddled Charlie behind.

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“Ever had your palm read?” Charlie asks. They’ve stopped in front of a small tent.

“Never. Let’s go!” Nick answers. He takes Charlie’s hand and pulls him inside.

“Interesting, interesting,” says the young woman with long grey hair and a headscarf, looking at Charlie’s palm. “Prepare yourself for a hard and unexpected fall. Soon.”

He glances at Nick, his head spinning.

She takes Nick’s hand. “And you, darling, you’d better catch him.”

As they stumble out, Charlie laughs nervously. “All the incense must make her hallucinate things.”

“Or maybe she’s just observant.” Nick’s gaze makes Charlie’s heart skip a beat.

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The next stand is a milkshake van and Charlie suggests getting a couple to ease the tension a bit.

Nick’s eyes start sparkling. “You have to get bubblegum flavour. It’s so good, you’ll spank me later!”

Charlie coughs. “Sorry, what?!”

“You aren’t prepared for what’s going to hit you!”

“Nick,” Charlie says slowly, trying to keep his composure, “are you a bit presumptuous here?”

Nick looks confused. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“Talking about spanking an hour into our first date?”

“Thank me, Charlie, I said thank me!”

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry!”

Nick laughs so hard he nearly trips over.

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Charlie looks at the man he didn’t know an hour ago, but who already feels like the best friend he’s ever had.

He’s never laughed so much on a first date. He’s never felt such a natural fit. He’s never felt so himself.

He recalls his first thought about Nick, merely an hour ago. 

And then I’m gonna marry him.

He knows it’s crazy and very 14-year-old of him, but he genuinely feels this is a possibility.

Is this fate?

Charlie beams at Nick, willing to go for it. To be truly honest.

He wants to give this a chance.

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Nick suddenly beams and points ahead. “Oh my God, Charlie, look! Puppies!”

He takes Charlie by the hand and tugs him in the direction of a puppy café. It consists of a coffee van and a fenced area with blankets and cushions on the floor. And a lot of puppies.

“Can we cuddle the puppies, Charlie? Please?”

Charlie laughs. “Yes, Nick, we can cuddle the puppies.”

They sit down, puppies all over them. “Oh my god, I can’t get enough!” Nick squeals, overjoyed.

“Of puppy cuddles or cuddles in general?” Charlie asks coyly. 

Nick smirks. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

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“I would like to know a lot more about you, Nick. Like, how would your best friend write your Tinder profile?”

Nick laughs. “That’s a good question. Tara would probably write something like disaster bisexual with golden retriever vibes looking for someone who can take a whole lot of love and care of his tender heart, or something. And then her wife Darcy would secretly grab the phone to add and he wants to have a lot of sex. And then cuddles. And puppies.”

Charlie raises an eyebrow. “That sounds oddly specific.”

“I might speak from experience,” Nick chuckles softly.

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“And what about you?” Nick asks.

“My best friends are my sister Tori and Tao, a guy from school I’ve known since Year Seven. I would never ever let them write my profile.”

“Because they’d post embarrassing baby photos?”

Charlie laughs. “I wish! Tao would probably write If you’re even slightly mean to him, I’ll send you a strongly worded DM! And then Tori would add And then I’ll end you.”

Nick looks terrified. “I’d better not make an enemy of them, then!”

Charlie laughs. “So far, I think you’ll be fine!”

Nick hides his rising blush behind the puppy.

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“Which part of getting into a new relationship would you like to skip if you could?” Nick asks.

“Meeting the parents,” Charlie blurts out, maybe a bit too fast.

“Yeah? Why is that?” Nick asks with genuine interest.

“My relationship with my mum is … complicated. Let’s hear yours?”

Nick suddenly looks a bit sad. “The moment when you notice I’m way too much,” he says softly.

“Have people said that to you?” 

Nick nods. Charlie throws himself at Nick and hugs him. “You’re just right, Nick! And everyone who claims differently doesn’t deserve you.”

Hugging someone never felt so right.

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They stand in front of a little booth selling pride merch of all varieties. Their eyes wander over the selection of pins, lanyards, stickers, and flags.

“I always wear a little pin on my teacher’s lanyard.” Nick freely offers another detail about his life. “I’d like to be a person of trust for my students. Create a safe space. I wish I had that in school for myself.”

“Let me buy you one. I’d like to support that! A teacher like that once helped me a lot.”

“Okay, I’ll choose one for you, too!”

Eagerly, they rummage through the selection.

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They both hold their right hand in front, closed in a fist, the acquired pins still hidden.

“On three!” Nick exclaims. “One, two, three!”

“A gaymeleon!” Charlie chuckles. “A binosaur!” Nick squeals.

Charlie holds up the binosaur. “May I?” Nick nods.

Charlie steps closer and carefully holds the neckline of Nick’s jumper to attach the pin. He can smell Nick’s cologne, and he can nearly hear Nick’s heartbeat, or is it his own?

The tension releases in a burst of giggles surfacing from deep inside, like bubbles of oxygen in a body of water.

He looks up, and Nick beams.

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Charlie looks smug. “Make up a limerick for me!”

Nick looks horrified. “A limerick? Just like that?”

Charlie nods. After a few minutes of silence, Nicks grins, sits straight, and recites:

“There once was a gay man from Kent
Who out on a blind date he went
His chap was in charge
And his feet were quite large
well you know what they say that that meant”

Charlie gasps. “NICHOLAS REGINALD NELSON! I am shook!”

“Reginald?”

“I don’t know your middle name. Also, don’t deviate! Are you trying to tell me something?”

“I would never!” And then, “It’s Luke, actually.”

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“I think it’s my turn.
Tell me more about your feet.
That sounds intriguing.”

Nick smirks. “Play your cards right and you might eventually find out!”

Charlie mock-gasps.

“What did I just hear?
Do you want me in your pants
just on our first date?”

“Just answering your nosy question, Charlie. You roped yourself into that one all by yourself!”

“I did no such thing.
Just laid out the hidden note
Poet to poet.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you’re only speaking in Haikus?”

“I thought you would not.
You’re not only pretty, Nick!
I am quite impressed.”

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They sit together on a picnic blanket that Nick has brought, in the dappled shade of a huge old oak. The gentle breeze plays with the leaves of the tree, painting mesmerising patterns of sunshine on their bodies.

A shiver runs through Charlie’s body. The shade and the breeze are a bit chilly for his liking.

“Are you cold?” Nick is concerned.

Charlie pulls up his knees to his chest. “I run cold, and we’re in the shade, so …”

“Well,” Nick grins, “good thing I run hot!”

He pulls his jumper over his head and holds it out to Charlie.

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“Charlie?” 

Nick’s voice trembles. Charlie feels a hand grabbing at his forearm.

“Uhm, not to be dramatic or anything, but …” Nick fidgets, visibly uncomfortable, on the blanket.

“Nick, everything alright?” Charlie asks worriedly. “What’s happening?”

“Uhm, nothing, it’s fine, it’s just …” 

Suddenly, he jumps up with a scream and is standing next to the blanket. He stares down with an anxious gaze.

Charlie follows his eyes and sees a tiny spider casually strolling over the blanket.

He giggles.

He lets the spider crawl on his finger and deposits it on a tree a few metres away.

“My hero!” Nick sighs.

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Nick is still a bit shaken when he sits back down, and obviously embarrassed.

Charlie pulls a little bottle of nail polish out of his bag.

“May I?” he asks. “I always find it really calming.”

“I’ve never had my nails done,” Nick says, a bit hesitant, but open.

“Give me your hand then.”

Charlie holds Nick’s hand and paints a layer of glitter on Nick’s nails with a steady hand. His eyes are fixed on his task, but he feels Nick’s gaze on his face.

“There, all done,” he finally breathes. A shy smile is curling his mouth upwards.

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“Oh, wow, Charlie!” Nick looks at his nails, and his eyes sparkle in the sun like the glitter on his nails. “I love it!”

He beams at Charlie. “I’d never thought I’d like it that much.”

He moves his hand back and forth through the dappled shade, making his nails shine up all differently.

“You know, everyone sees me as this big sporty lad, tough and manly and muscular and protecting. I didn’t think I could pull off glitter.”

Charlie tilts his head and enjoys the joy radiating from this gentle giant.

“I think you can pull off anything, Nick.”

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“Shall we go on?” Nick asks, standing up in front of Charlie, holding out his hands.

Charlie grins and accepts the offer. His hands fall into Nick’s, and with a bit too much force, Nick pulls up the other man.

Charlie stumbles and falls against Nick’s chest.

“Well, hello,” Nick chuckles, his face merely centimetres from Charlie’s, his arms sliding around Charlie’s waist. “I got you.”

Charlie’s knees feel all wobbly.

They wrap up and continue their exploration of the fair. Like magnets, their hands clasp into each other.

“As long as you'll have me,” Charlie utters under his breath.

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“I really like you,” Charlie blurts out.

He hates being honest.

He keeps his feelings in a little greenhouse in his heart, where they can grow and bloom in safety until they are strong enough to be set out in the garden. 

But this is different. He never felt so safe so soon.

And so he takes this little seedling of feelings, surprisingly strong, unapologetically beautiful, and so familiar as though it had always belonged there. He holds it out, with shivering hands, for Nick to take, trusting he’ll take care of it.

Nick beams. “I really like you, too.”

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“Oh, fuck,” Nick utters.

Suddenly, Charlie is swooshed away and finds himself pressed to the back of the Kebab truck. Nick is standing in front of him, peeking around the corner of the truck.

“What the …” Charlie tries to say. “Shush!” Nick answers, looking concerned. Then he exhales in relief.

“There’s this man, the father of a student, who just can’t take a hint. I really don’t want to spoil our date with his presence, so I hid us,” he explains. “But we’re safe now.”

He closes the gap between them. Their eyes meet.

“I much prefer your presence, Char.”

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Arms around waists, holding firm, providing stability.

Eyes locked, blue and brown, saying things that are too big to put into words.

Blood rushing in ears, muting the world, reducing it to just them.

Hands finding a face, carefully holding it, as if it were the most precious thing ever.

Two hearts that barely know each other, and yet belong – in this and every other universe.
Two hearts that beat with each other, and from now on, for each other.
Two hearts that simply know.

And then, finally, a soft voice, finding the words.

“Char, can I please kiss you?”

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It isn’t a decision for him to take. 

It’s an inevitability. It’s a natural step that completes what has been building up all day.

And so Charlie lets out a breathy “yes, please,” and then their lips touch in a kiss that negates every kiss he ever had before.

Every kiss before loses its meaning at exactly this moment, because this is the new benchmark, the new definition of kiss, and he is not willing to ever settle for anything less again.

Eventually their lips part, and they look at each other, and Nick sheepishly asks: 

“Wanna do that again?”

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And then they kiss until there’s no air left. And then they kiss more.

Finally separating, Nick leans in to Charlie’s ear and whispers: "Je veux te dévorer le cul jusqu'à ce que tu cries mon nom et ensuite te plaquer sur le matelas et te prendre jusqu'à ce que tu oublies le tien".

Charlie didn’t understand a word of what Nick just said, but the sound alone sent blood rushing to places it had no business going on a first date.

“Charlie? Charlie?”

“Huh?”

“You look like your brain was broken for a moment?”

Charlie blinks. “You speak French?”

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Nick checks something on his phone and then takes Charlie’s hand.

“Do you trust me? Are you up for something spontaneous?”

Charlie usually isn’t very spontaneous. But then, first dates usually aren’t this good.

“Yeah, okay,” he breathes.

“Okay, we have to run!”

And they start to run, and they arrive at the station, and they hop on a train, and they sit for a while, grinning at each other, and they get off the train, and they walk until they arrive at …

“Oh my god, the beach!” Charlie screams.

Nick beams at him and asks, “Wanna sit and cuddle?”

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Can you make love to someone you’ve just met?

Charlie is no stranger to hook-ups; he’d met men at clubs and on Grindr, and he’d had dates that ended with sex.

But this feels different. This is different.

The way Nick holds him close under a soft blanket, keeps him safe, whispers promises in his ears – this is a feeling that’s new to Charlie.

Wherever this comes from, he doesn’t want to lose that feeling ever again.

He’s sure that what they’re doing right now, beneath the silver glow of the moon, is making love.

And his last first time.

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Charlie finds himself lying in a blissful post-orgasmic cocoon that consists of a soft blanket, moonlight and strong arms.

“For our next date, I’d like to invite you to mine. I’d like to cook for you,” he hears the warm honey-coloured voice he’d already become so fond of. “If you feel safe coming to my place, that is. We can do something else, of course, if you’d rather.”

An armada of stimuli pours into his brain, unable to discern the most important part of what he just heard. Next date. Cook. Safe. 

“Can you do lasagne?” he asks, totally entranced.

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The rest of the night, they talk and laugh. They ask questions and listen to each other.

They kiss each other's lips, and explore each other's touch.

They start to build something.

In the morning, they take the first train back to London, the other commuters merely ghosts, not intruding into their new little bubble of them.

They kiss each other goodbye, and when Charlie finally makes it home, a sneakily stolen jumper still providing warmth, he falls on his bed and squeals and kicks his legs.

His phone pings. “Sleep tight. See you later ❤️”

He can’t fucking wait.

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Four years later

With trembling hands, Charlie attaches the binosaur to Nick’s lapel, his own gaymeleon already secure on his jacket. Then he lays his hand flat on his fiancé’s chest, letting Nick’s heartbeat ground him. 

“There, all done,” he murmurs with a shy smile.

“Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you,” Nick whispers back when they hear the first chords of their chosen song.

Charlie grins. “Well, you had me from hello,” he answers, “and you’ll have me forever.”

“I did say Hi though,” Nick laughs.

Then he takes Charlie’s hand.

“Ready to get married?”

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