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When Kyouji suggested a date for their next meal together, Satomi said yes without thinking. And then spent the next two weeks in agony because the date in question was February 14th, Valentine's Day.
He had admitted to himself that his feelings for Kyouji hadn't exactly been platonic for a long time, and that perhaps they never really were.
Much of his memories and actions from when they met in his last year of middle school finally made some sense when placed in the context of him having experienced his first love and was only just realizing it now. And he had even told Kyouji that he wanted to be with him always, but still, they weren't exactly dating, right? Or did Kyouji think they were? Had he chosen that date on purpose to be romantic? Or is it just a way to amuse himself by torturing him? Or was it just a coincidence, and he hadn't even realized it was Valentine's Day?
Should I bring him something? If I bought him chocolates, would that be the same as admitting that I think we're dating now? And maybe he might even interpret my giving him a gift that day as meaning I see myself as the girl in our relationship? Better not to risk end up looking like a fool.
On the 14th, he left work and walked to the restaurant where they'd agreed to meet, trying to ignore the heart-adorned windows and the couples walking hand-in-hand through the streets along the way.
The restaurant where Kyouji had made the reservation wasn't that far from where he worked, but Satomi decided to take a longer route. A block before arriving, he sat on a park bench and opened their chat on Line, intending to make up an excuse saying he couldn't meet him that day. But when it was time to start typing, he hesitated. Kyouji came to Tokyo often, but not as often as Satomi wished. And if he canceled this encounter, it might mean another long month without seeing Kyouji in person. And now that seemed awful and unbearable.
For fucksake get your shit together, you spend years without seeing him and you were fine.
While he was looking at the screen trying to decide what to type, a message arrived.
[Satomi-kun, where are you? I'm the only one alone in the restaurant 🥺]
Satomi stared at the emoji for a few seconds before replying:
[I'm on my way, wait for me]
Satomi arrived at the restaurant, and as he'd predicted, the place seemed to be completely occupied by couples. The restaurant had also decorated all the tables with red roses in the centerpieces, and overall it looked a bit fancier than the other places they'd dined and had lunch at before.
"Satomi-kun!" Kyouji said from one of the tables in the back of the restaurant.
Satomi walked over to him.
"Hi, sorry I'm late."
"It’s fine, did your boss make you stay longer?"
"No, I just stopped somewhere on the way."
"Oh, okay, the important thing is that you're here now," Kyouji said, giving him his brightest smile.
Is this a romantic date? Have we been having romantic dates this whole time and I'm the only one who wasn't aware?
A waitress came to take their orders. Kyouji ordered steak and fries, and Satomi ordered pork buns.
It didn't take long for them to be served, and while they ate, Kyouji asked about how his college classes were going, about his work, if he was eating properly because he looked a bit thinner since the last time they met, and then started talking about something that had happened at the last karaoke competition. It wasn't that different from conversations they had before, but somehow he got the impression there was a rare nervousness on Kyouji's part.
Why is that? Does he care what others might think seeing us together like this?
Most of the times they had these meals together, most outsiders probably assumed they were uncle and nephew, like lied a few times when questioned about Kyouji by outsiders who had seen them together. But he doubted uncle and nephew would be the assessment on anyone’s mind when seeing two men on valentine’s day sitting at a table with a rose between them.
Satomi wondered what if someone from his hometown saw them and told his parents? What would they say? Even if they were okay with him being attracted to men, Satomi doubted there would be any support when they discovered the man he was in love with was twenty-five years older than him and part of a criminal organization.
Did Kyouji have similar fears about someone at work seeing him? Was homosexuality even acceptable in the hypermasculine culture of the yakuza? He made a mental note to Google it when he got home.
Just after Satomi finished his last pork bun, Kyouji was strangely quiet for a moment. Just as Satomi was about to ask if something was wrong, he said,
"I brought you something for dessert."
He then took a box of chocolates from his suitjacket and slid it across the table toward Satomi. The box was heart-shaped and looked expensive.
Is that why he was nervous?
"Happy Valentine's Day, Satomi-kun."
"Thank you, Narita-san," he said, feeling his face starting to heat up. He opened the box and took one of the chocolates inside, bringing it to his mouth.
"Is it good?"
Satomi nodded. And it was, sweet and creamy.
"So and you? Didn't you bring me any chocolates?"
Satomi swallowed the rest of the chocolate and said,
"No."
"Really? How mean, Satomi-kun."
There was something so ridiculous about a forty-something yakuza pouting because he hadn't gotten any chocolates. Part of Satomi wanted to roll his eyes and tell him to stop acting like an idiot, another part wanted to finally kiss him without caring who might see them.
"I can share the chocolates you gave me with you."
"It's not the same thing."
"I'll get you something on white day," Satomi said.
Kyouji smiled.
“Good, I’ll be waiting.”