Chapter Text
Dean wakes late in the morning.
He always wake up late since he retired from hunting, deciding to be a “Bobby” until he figures out what he wants to do with his life.
On the other hand, Sam wakes up to ungodly hours to go on his daily run and train in the gym, then have his rabbit food breakfast, before doing any nerd related activity.
This is to say, that Dean is not surprised when he finds the kitchen empty, a plate of bacon, eggs and vegetables left on the counter, ready to be heated in the microwave.
Another new thing is Sam insisting on taking care of Dean, not directly obviously.
Sam just does many small things for him, like leaving a healthier meal behind, finding pieces of lore for him even if he doesn’t ask or just small acts of affection, very small since it’s still them we are talking about.
Dean is not sure why Sam is acting like this, but it probably has to do with Dean finally leaving the life, and for good this time, since he is not a character in a story now, to be renewed every season.
Maybe Sam is realizing that his big brother will not be around forever, not because Dean is going to die any time soon, but because he may chose to leave the bunker, and build a life away from Sam.
Dean smiles at the idea, not a happy smile, but it’s not bitter either: the possibility to choose is amazing. Dean find it silly that he feels like it’s the first time he can choose, after a whole life passed saying “Dean Winchester does whatever the fuck he wants.”
But that was only an illusion, but now with no John or Chuck in his way, he can really do whatever he feels like.
He pops the breakfast in the microwave and pour himself a cup of coffee, even if it’s cold he doesn’t care, he immediately needs caffeine.
Maybe for his drowsiness, or because he is getting old, he doesn’t hear someone approaching behind him.
Click.
“Oh god… Let that be a rifle…” He raises his hands up.
“Turn around. Slowly.” A too familiar and too young voice says.
&&&
Sam knows he shouldn’t be surprised, especially after… everything!
Maybe, instead, Sam should be comforted that the world still holds something that he surprises him.
In any way you look at this, the last thing that he expected to see when going to the kitchen to refill his coffee and to say good morning to Dean, was to see two Dean! And another Sam!
Sam stops on the entrance of the kitchen in shock, inside the room a young Dean and even younger Sam are standing, giving him their backs, the former pointing a rifle to his forty-one years old Dean.
Older Dean sees him:” Good morning. Tell me that you are seeing this too.” He says too casual, after years of been held with worse thing than a gun.
Sam can only slowly nods.
Young Dean turns around in a rush, now pointing his weapon to Sam:” Don’t move, too tall freak!” Sam raises his hands quickly:” Woah woah woah! Don’t worry! We are not going to hurt you!” Obviously, young Dean will need more than that to trust them:” Why did you bring us here?!”
Dean scoffs:” We have no idea. We didn’t even know you were here!” Young Dean turns to him:” Sure! And I should believe that shit!”
He rolls his eyes to him younger self:” If you don’t believe this, you are not going to believe what I am going to say: You two are Sam and Dean Winchester, around thirteen and seventeen years old. I am Dean Winchester and that is Sam, respectively forty-one and thirty-seven years old. Something supernatural brought you here, for some dumb motive! And now we are going to have to fix this! Again!”
Young Dean doesn’t lower his gun, obviously:” And I am the Queen of England!”
“Look at us! Maybe I don’t look a lot like… uhm… Sammy. But you and Dean still look alike!” Sam tries, unsuccessfully.
“I have our necklace!” Dean says, tucking the piece of jewelry around his neck.
He threw it away years ago, and he confessed to Sam that it was on of his biggest regrets. In response, Sam passed days trying to find another to give Dean at the first special occasion.
“You could have found a copy!” Sam noticed that Sammy is looking at the necklace with intensity, his eyes lighting up in recognition:” It’s not a copy!” He says unprompted, Sam cringes to that high pitched voice:” Uncle Bobby helped me find it! It was so bring dad luck!”
At eight years old, when he was searching for a Christmas gift for his dad, he didn’t know about the supernatural. Bobby knew that John wouldn’t have wore something “useless”, even if it was a gift from his own son, so he actually found something with magical properties.
Even after found out the truth, he was unsure of the amulet real properties, he got the confirmation that the necklace is to bring “love, luck and positive energy” in one life when he was researching for another one, of which only a handful exist worldwide.
At Sammy words, young Dean seems to flatter a little. Dean takes advantages of the distractions and rips away the rifle from the young hands:” Oi!” Dean is quick to take out the bullets and throw the empty weapon behind the kitchen counter.
“Now that we are all disarmed. I will give you one last proof that we are saying the truth.” Dean takes a brief breath before continuing:” The promise we made to ourselves after our first solo hunt, the two nuns. Which if I am getting my time right, it was only a few months ago for you.”
Dean knows this because at Dean’s 17th birthday, John gave him three gifts: his first solo hunt, the Impala and the John’s leather jacket.
“What promise?” Dean challenges him:” That we would always be in Sam corner, under any circumstance.”
Sam doesn’t know what Dean is talking about, after all Dean was always in his corner, putting Sam in front of everything. But younger Dean seems to understand it, very well, so much that he drops his guard.
“We are really in the future?” Sammy asks, Sam nods:” Yeah.” Younger Dean rubs his face, clearly a headache forming:” What the fuck.”
“Look.” Dean waves in directing of the table:” Seat down. It’s a lot, but we will figure it out.” Young Dean reluctantly follows the instruction, Sammy close behind him.
“What do you guys remember before coming here?” Sam asks, voice soft, as if the two would run away at any hint of danger:” We were sleeping. I don’t remember shit.”
“I remember a white light.” Sammy says.
“A white light?” Sam asks:” I woke up for some noises outside the motel door. Then a strong white light came from outside, then I blacked out and woke up here.” The youngest explains.
“I will go and call Cas, you… watch the rugrats.” Dean is clearly disturbed from this situation for many motives, Sam can the exhaustion and exasperation in his walk, and he understand it fully. Sam feels it too.
There is an awkward silence in the room, the two young versions clearly have questions and Sam doesn’t know what he can and cannot say. They finally reached a time of peace, or at least the closest thing to it, and he doesn’t want to alter the future by saying the wrong thing.
“Since when you became taller than me?” Surprisingly it’s young Dean to talk first, not the question he was expecting but at the same time it’s a very Dean thing to ask:” Dean.” Sammy says, with a “bitch-face”, clearly disappointed that it’s the first question that comes to Dean’s mind.
“U-uhm-” This is strange, even worse than that time Dean got turned in his 14 years old self:” I just hit a strong growth spurt.”
“When?!” Sammy asks, and Sam knows that he really likes the idea that he gonna be taller than him one day:” Around fourteen years old? I don’t know exactly when it started…” Sammy fist bump the air, Dean rolls his eyes:” You may become taller, but you will always be my little brother. Which means I will always be right.” Sammy says something in disagreement, that he is gonna decide for himself in the future.
Sam is listening to their bickering and with him knowing what is in the future of this two, and he can’t help but wonder, how would things play out if he listened to Dean more?
Not to say that Dean was always right, he has his own fair share of wrong decisions, but if, for example, he listened when Dean warned him about Ruby, how things would have gone? In hindsight, he doubts that much would have changed, outside of the brothers trusting each other more at that time.
“Where are we?” This time, it’s Sammy to ask:” This is the place we live in.” Sam explains, Dean interjects:” We could have chosen something with more windows.” A fair comment:” Uh… It’s a bunker underground.”
Dean looks at him a moment, thinking:” Alright. That sounds cool as fuck.”
Sammy has more questions, they passed the library during their exploration and wants to know about it: ‘I am a real nerd…’ Sam thinks, as he answer as many questions he can, at least the ones that don’t risk to fuck up the timeline.
&&&
Dean went to his bedroom, so he could also change his clothes.
Once he is done, he looks up:” Hey Cas. We have a situation…” He sighs tired:” Looks like our trip to the Grand Canyon is going to wait, because there are the younger version of me and Sam in our kitchen.”
He waits a moment, expecting it to be enough:” Cas? That is clearly a request to come down here.” Still nothing.
“Please Cas. We don’t have time.” Panic fills his chest.
“I need you here.” He says quietly.
&&&
Sam places a two plates on the table:” Vegetables?” Dean says, half in surprise, half in disgust:” They are good and you need it. I know for a fact that our diet is shit at your time.”
Sammy isn’t a health nut yet, still he doesn’t complain much and digs in, Dean on the other hand just stares at the food.
Sam knows it’s not about the vegetables, especially after Sam found out about Sonny:” We have enough food for everyone. And we have money to buy more.” Sam says without hesitation.
Dean looks up at him a moment, doubt still in his eyes, but he pick up the fork and, finally start to eat.
“Cas is not fucking answering!” Dean barges in the kitchen, a lot more angry and worried than before.
Cas momentarily death and love confession to Dean wasn’t even a year ago. Dean still struggle with it, even after Jack got his angel back and they talked things out.
Sam immediately closes the gap between them, holding him by the shoulders:” Calm down. You know how busy he is in this period.” After all he is rebuilding Heaven with Jack.
Dean shakes his head:” Fuck calming down!” He shrugs Sam’s hands off:” There is something wrong Sam! I can feel it in my guts!”
First, the younger versions of them appear in the kitchen, then Cas just “forgets” to answer him? For how their lives go, obviously something bad is going on!
“Have you tried to call Jack?” Sam asks, Dean nods:” He doesn’t answer as well.”
“Sorry about that. Needed to find someone to look over stuff while I am away.” Someone new appears in the doorway.
“Jack!” Sam and Dean exclaim.
Dean is relived to see him and traps Jack in a hug:” Sorry, Dean.” His hugs him back, strongly:” I don’t know where Cas is…” His voice cracks.
Dean stalls, taking a moment to take a long breath. He feels like he is going to explode, but he can’t explode to Jack, not again:” We are going to fix everything. Don’t worry, kid.” He breaks the hug, giving Jack a last squeeze on the arm in comfort.
“Sorry to interrupt you chick-flick, but who the fuck are you?” Young Dean is now standing in front of Sam.
Jack turns to the two time-misplaced brothers:” Oh this is strange.” He gets closer to Dean without hesitation, who takes a step back, Sammy tries to get a bit away from Dean, just enough to get a closer look to the stranger, but Dean hides him behind himself.
“You are barely taller than me.” Jack notices, then looks down to Sammy:” You are much shorter than me…” Jack makes an uneasy face:” Freaky.”
“Who are you?” the younger Dean tries to be intimidating, but he can feel his skin crawling, his guts tell him that whatever Jack is, he is very strong.
“I am Jack!” he says with his usual cheerful and easy:” And I am God!”
“Jack…” Dean covers his eyes, Sam face palms.
“What? This is the easiest way to say it!” Maybe the easiest, but for sure not the best way.
Clearly, young Dean doesn’t believe him:” I will ask you once more. Who. Are. You.”
Jack sighs:”Already told you! I am Jack!” In a swift motion he places two finger on both of the brothers’ foreheads:” Let me show you.”
Both of their eyes go wide, in an expression that the older know too well: the one of someone who is getting their mind and vision of reality shattered, and then put back together, in a matter of second.
Young Dean falls back on the chair behind him, his legs feeling like jello.
Dean slaps the back of Jack’s head:” Ow!” Not like he can actually feel that:” You went overboard, Jack.” He says serious:” Are their brains intact?” Sam asks, noticing that Dean seems to be completely catatonic, while Sammy seems to be on the verge of tears, clinging to his brother’s back.
“Their brains are ok! They may… just need a moment.” Jack says guilty, realizing that he fucked up.
Dean sighs:” Alright.” Taking the whole situation in his hands:” You two need to rest a bit. We will find you a room.” He pulls his younger self up who, fortunately, doesn’t immediately falls to the ground.
On the other hand, Sammy doesn’t even move from the chair, his hand still hanging on to Dean’s jack like a lifesaver.
The oldest Winchester’s frown, softens a moment:” Sammy…” By instinct he raises a hand to cares his head, but his younger self slaps it away:” I will care him.” At least Dean is less catatonic, even if he still clearly freaked out.
“Come on Sammy.” Dean lets him pick the youngest up:” I will bring you to a guest room.” The other Dean just nods.
The three leave the room.
Sam sighs:” Jack you can’t do that!” Jack is still a rookie about God’s stuff, even if he has been handling everything very well, he clearly can’t fully regulate everything:” I was careful! If I wasn’t, their brains would have melted!” He tries to defend himself.
“Besides, they are you guys. Their bodies are made for holy energy…” Jack crosses his arms, looking away.
Sam, in that moment, remembers that Jack may be God of Creation now, but he is still very young, too young even. He doesn’t need scolding, but an actual explanation.
Sam places a hand on his shoulder:” You did good at controlling your Grace, and it’s true, Dean and I can stand more energy than most. Still…” Jack looks up :”… That Sam and Dean are very young, their brain aren’t fully developed and are more delicate. They didn’t even know about angels…”
Jack seems to understand, sighing:” Human brains are so complicated.” He laments:” I know everything! And they still manage to surprise me.” Sam smiles:” I know, not even Chuck could get behind them, and he made the original design!” Sam jokes a little, but it’s true.
If Chuck truly understood human’s brain, he wouldn’t have been defeated.
“You should put more time in studying them. Maybe Cas-” And in that moment, Sam’s own brain gets back on track:” Where is Castiel?”
&&&
“You will be staying here.” Dean opens a door, it’s one of the bedroom close to his and Sam:” The bed is big enough for both of you.”
His young self places Sam under the covers.
Dean realizes that both the younger Winchester are fully dressed in normal clothes, even if before coming here they were sleeping.
And he knows that it because they were sleeping in the Impala, after Dean passed the whole day driving, following John’s truck to the next job.
He feels rage towards his father and pity for their younger counterparts: ‘We will buy them pajamas.” He thinks.
His younger self doesn’t lay down, instead he sits on the bed, looking at Dean:” We really know God?” Behind this question, there are hundreds more.
Why us? Why did come when we called, us faithless bastards? Why us sinners?
“It’s a very complex and long story.” Dean sighs, he even can’t answer why Jack still sticks around them, especially after how Dean treated him.
Cas would say because he loves Dean, that Dean is like a father to him.
Dean would still ask why.
” The third man that lives here with us is an angel of the Lord. If you can believe it.” Dean half laugh, calling an Cas an angel feels strange.
Not because he is human now, because he isn’t, but because Cas is very human in all the ways that counts, even more human than humanity itself at moments.
“The guy who is missing? Cas?” Dean knows that young Dean clocked immediately how freaked he was about Cas not answering. He is sure he has questions about him too.
“Who is he to us?”
Dean could evade the question or straight up lie, or just say that Cas is their longest lasting friend. But Dean can’t lie or say half-truths about Cas, not anymore.
“He is everything.”
Dean leaves, closing the door behind him.
&&&
“I sensed that there an angel had made a jump to the past.”
Now they are seating in the library, Jack finally explaining what happened to Cas.
“Cas insisted to go and check it out, I personally set him back so he wouldn’t use his Grace, and after a while I lost his presence.”
“Let me guess, the year was 1996.” Sam asks, thinking about their younger version, sleeping in another room.
Jack nods.
“Alright. But why and how did Cas just got of your radar?” Dean asks, clearly upset.
Cas, as usual, threw himself in a dangerous situation, without thinking about it. Alright, he quite literally had God by his side, but Jack is just a kid, and Cas is first of all his dad: ‘You should use that bird brain of yours more.’ Dean silently pray to Cas, hoping that he gets this, or he will have to lecture him again when they find him.
Even if he would still lecture him again and again anyway.
“My theory is that Cas was the one to bring them here. To protect them from the other angel.” Jack passes a hand in his hands:” The angel is Zekiel.”
“You know that some angels don’t like me, but most of them are just happy that Heaven is been rebuilt and new angels are been created… Zekiel is one of those who doesn’t like me, and decided to actually do something about it.”
“You know where this Zekiel is?” Dean asks, but Jack shakes his head:” He has chosen to cut himself from my Sight.”
Jack has a more “hands down approach”, not only with Earth and Humanity, but also with Heaven and Angels.
He can still see everything if he chooses so, but Angels can also directly block him, like Zekiel did.
So he can’t directly see them, he would have to look everywhere, even in the whole flux of time, considering that Zekiel jumped again with Cas, and at that moment he lost them both.
“But Cas is for sure here, in this time.” Sam says:” He must have dropped them here, and then run away, to keep Zekiel away from here.”
“Is.. is he…?” Dean doesn’t know if he is going to say dead or alive, anyway he can’t finish that sentence:” He is still alive, I would feel him if he left this world. His just very low, I need to look more deeply to find him.”
Dean sighs in relive, he still hasn’t lost Cas: ‘Yet.” He can’t help his negative thoughts.
“Alright. Then go back to Heaven, find Cas…” Dean says, since Jack is not a full strength in his physical, bearable to look at, form:” The two kids will be staying here. At least until we find and take care of Zekiel.”
“We will work from here, trying to find Zekiel…” Sam says.
And everyone is off.
&&&
Sam is in the library, making a list of tracking spells, trying to see if there is one that works thought time.
“If there was something similar to the one Henry used…” He mutters under his breath.
That spell was to create a gateway through time to a blood relative, maybe it also works with Grace?
“It’s not like we have Zekiel’s Grace...“Sam sighs in frustration.
Dean was researching with him, but he couldn’t really focus, too worried for Cas. So Dean decided to go and take a pause, probably to clean the guns or work on the Impala. Sam is probably going to take a pause soon, at least to eat something since he skipped lunch for this messy situation.
“What are you doing?” A young voice startle him, he turns around seeing his young self on the door:” Researching. But I was going to eat something, do you want something too?” Sam still very awkward around the younger Winchester, he hopes it’s not too noticeable.
But since he is talking to himself, it’s probably very evident.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
They walk to the kitchen in silence.
“A sandwich is alright?” He asks, Sammy just nods from the table where he is already seated. Sam quickly makes two ham and cheese sandwiches, then he seats down in front of himself.
They start eating, Sam finally gathers enough courage to ask:” Sooo… How do you feel after meeting… emh… Jack?” Very smooth way to ask to your thirteen years old self if his prospect of the world is fine.
Sammy, rightfully, was freaked out before, but now he just shrugs:” He is alright I guess… He looks barely old enough to drink, I thought God would be older looking.”
Apparently, younger minds are more frail upon impact of life changing view, but recuperate faster: ‘They say that children mind’s are very elastic and absorb everything like sponge.’ Sam reflects.
‘… Or maybe I am just a freak.’
Which, after everything, he learned to accept pretty well. It took him years, but he has meet people who are more of a freak than himself. To name a few: Castiel, Crowely, Rowena, Gabriel, Lucifer, Micheal, Raphael, Jack- Basically almost every human/non-human they have met in the last 20 years.
Sam realized that he is a freak, but he in comparison to everyone else? He is pretty average at this point.
He still struggle with the feeling of impurity, of been fed demon blood, of his addiction, been soulless, his time with Lucifer. It’s still a ton of trauma.
But he has Eileen, Dean and Cas.
None of theme are pure nor clean, but they can help each other scrub some of the filth off, especially in the points of their souls that they can’t reach.
...Also having God as a nephew, who loves you a lot and always tells you openly that he loves you, helps a lot when you feel like an unforgivable sinner.
Jack presence helped a ton with Dean’s traumas, as well as Castiel’s guilt of years of wrong choices in name of trying to do the right thing.
“Why does look like he is a college student?” Sammy asks, not feeling the of hiding his curiosity in front of himself. The question makes Sam laugh, thinking of Jack at a frat party like a normal kid would:” Well… Jack wasn’t always God. That is quite a recent development…”
At the begging they weren’t going to tell these details to their younger self, but since it’s part of they motive they are here in the first place, seems like information that they would insist on having.
And with their stubbornness, they were going to find out anyway.
“Technically speaking Jack is only 3 yeas and a half old. He was just born grown up.”
Sammy looks at him quite confused, but this time he doesn’t freak out:” How???” His curiosity takes the best of him.
“Well, Jack wasn’t born human. On a biological level, before becoming God, he was Nephilim.” Sammy eyes go wide:” Isn’t that the child of an angel and a human?!” Sam nods.
“He was powerful, even before godhood. He could control the development and chose to be around twenty years old. Still he didn’t know anything of the world… Even now he has many holes in the more mundane and pop-culture stuff.”
“Why did he change his age?”
“Because, when his mother was pregnant with him, she told him that he was going to be born in a dangerous world and that he would have to grow up fast, unfortunately.”
Kelly was wiser than any of them.
Sammy expression flatters a bit, Sam doesn’t need him to speak to know why.
After all he thought the same thing when he discovered why Jack looked like that.
‘We were never children as well.’
&&&
Dean has already checked Baby’s insides, changed the oil and everything.
Now he is cleaning her well.
“She is still a beauty.” He turns around, young Dean is on the edge of the door.
He throws the sponge in the bucket and wipes dry his hands:” Always.”
The younger come closer, caressing the car softly and with care:” Is he allowed to drive her?”
Dean knows who he is referring to:” He doesn’t even need to ask, even if always does.” Dean can’t help but smile.
Young Dean tries his best to remain impassible, but his eyebrow still twitches in surprise.
“He got his own car, her name is Honey.” he turns to the other car, who is in the spot right to Baby’s, and lightly pats her.
At seeing the model of the car, the teen squints in confusion:” Is… is he a pimp?” Dean breath out a laugh:” Nah. He is just a weird dorky little guy.”
Young Dean crosses his arms, leaning with his back on Baby’s side:” So we are really gay… for a guy who is an angel of the Lord.”
Dean sighs.
He doesn’t want to have this conversation with his seventeen years old self, who has is brain completely full of that “homophobic parasitic shit”, as Charlie has called it once, in the form of John’s and his own voices.
John was homophobic for sure, but more in the form of “as long as it doesn’t come close to him” he is alright with it, as long it’s not a concern him, everyone else can fuck whoever they want.
Obviously, this “everyone else” didn’t not include his sons.
Dean has no idea if that hunt, his first hunt, the nuns were a message from John.
After all he only found out about their relationship after hours of research.
And if John knew that the nuns were lesbians, there is no knowing if he knew about Dean’s sexual orientation or not.
“First of all, we are bisexual, as kids call it these days-” “Alright, old geezer.” “Which means we still like chicks.” Dean ignores the attitude, at this point he has heard worse from Claire.
“Second. With Cas it wouldn’t matter, boobs or dick. Cas is it for us.”
He leaves out the fact that Cas can take on a female vessel if he wanted, to not create strange ideas in his younger self.
Young Dean doesn’t look particularly convinced:” If you say so.”
&&&
It’s later in the evening.
Still no news from Jack, nor signs of making progress in their research.
The lost in time Winchesters already turned in for the night.
At least, Sammy passed out still tired from the eventful day, Dean put him to bed and is probably still awake, watching over him while thinking about everything.
In the mean time, Sam and Dean are together working in the library on a possible spell to located the Zekiel. But they aren’t going anywhere.
“Fuck this.” Dean drops on the table the old book he was reading:” I second that.” Sam leans back on his chair, passing a hand in his hair, tired.
“Beer?”
They end up in the Dean Cave, leaning in the two armchairs, a case of beer between them.
“Man, this more freaky than we learned the truth about Chuck.” Dean takes a big gulp of his drink:” I was really that small?” Sam says looking at the ceiling:” You were always a pipsqueak, before the moose genes came rushing in!” Sam laughs.
They stay in a comfortable silence for a while, just resting a moment.
Until:” Dean.” Sam turns his head to him:” Ye?”
Until last year, Sam wouldn’t have dreamed to ask a question so directly to his closed off brother. But something changed in Dean after he lost Cas and then he came back.
He changed completely, slowly opening up more and more.
Maybe because Chuck got out of the picture, allowing them to be something else other that the Winchesters, saving people, hunting things, the family business.
Maybe because, risking to never see Cas again, broke Dean from his static form, deciding to not wasting the little time he has with the people he loves.
“To get yourself to trust you… You talked about a promise. About always been in my corner.”
Sam is still very confused from that one.
He knows that, ever since Dean brought him out if the fire, Dean has always been in his corner, even if those moments where things got hard between them: like Stanford, like with the blood demon, like when they separated and so on.
“What is that promise really about?”
Dean doesn’t respond immediately, he sips his beer, collecting his thoughts on how to star his answer.
“Did… I never told you about my first solo hunt, right?”
Sam remembers about Dean going on his first solo hunt, it was one of John’s gifts for Dean’s seventeen birthday.
Dean seemed happy, dad was trusting him with something big, it was some kind of rite of passage from boy to man.
“No, I just remember that it was a couple of ghost.”
“Two nuns. They were hunting St. Stephen’s Indian Mission in Riverton, Wyoming.” Dean start his story: “They were in love, and they started a secret relationship. Soon, they were discovered, so they killed themselves.”
Now, Dean always had his macho front, but at around seventeen and eighteen years old, it got stronger. He started to boast more about girls, about not doing “girly things”, the “no chick-flick” rule started around that time.
Sam always believe that it was a mix of teenage nonsense and Dean being Dean, but the context of his first solo hunt, it makes more sense.
“Did… did John ever do something to you?” Sam asks, a bit of fear in his tone.
“Never. He didn’t do anything more than you already know.”
Their father never was upfront about his teaching methods, he never would seat down and talk to them with the objective of educating them about something, still he would do things to get his message across.
“Do you think it was one of his messages?” Dean shrugs:” No idea. I don’t even know if it was a message or a fucked up coincidence.”
“But at that time… You believed he knew. Right?”
Dean nods:” For this motive I promised that, even if I couldn’t accept myself, I would accept you, if you ever turned out gay or bi… Hell, even if you have wanted to become a girl and get boobs! I would have been in your corner.”
Sam looks at his brother, a smile on his face even if his heart feels bitter, because it feels like Sam could never be there for Dean.
“You know that I will be always in your corner too. Right?” “I know. I have always known.” “Then why you never told me this?”
Now Dean looks at Sam:” I know you would have. It’s me who didn’t want to have you, protecting me, in my corner.”
&&&
It’s pretty early in the morning of the next day.
Still no news from Jack.
Sam just got back from his morning run.
He notices that, by the entrance, Dean’s jacket it’s still missing.
He already saw that before going out, it likely that Dean didn’t sleep much that night, alone in the room he shared with Cas, when the angel was back home and not in Heaven.
So the oldest Winchester decided to go and drive, to clean his mind.
Sam is not surprised, he is more surprised by the calm façade Dean has been keeping, instead of taking the universe apart to find Cas.
Sam is worried that this isn’t given by trust in Jack, that he would find Cas, but more from the fact that he and Cas will not last, that Cas is going to die or leave him.
Sam will need to talk to Cas when they find him.
Not if. When.
Because Sam needs to have hope for both of them.
“Hey.” Sam finds young Dean seating at table, drinking coffee and a book open in front of him:” What’s up with the get up?” He asks.
“Hey...umh… I went out running.” He notices that, apparently, this Dean didn’t have a good night of sleep as well, judging from the eye bags.
Sam pours himself a coup of coffee:” Can you fill mine as well?” Dean passes him his now empty mug:” Here.” “Thanks.” Sam seats in front of Dean.
Sam, to his surprise, feels less awkward around the younger Dean. Maybe because he isn’t having a conversation with literally himself.
“Did you sleep well?”
Dean takes a sip of his coffee:” So. Do we know what brought us here?” He completely ignores Sam’s question.
Sam sighs, he didn’t miss closed off Dean:” Yeah. Jack’s theory is that Castiel brought you here, to save you from another angel who wanted you dead, Zekiel.”
“Castiel…” Dean articulate slowly the name, like he was testing it.
“Yeah. He dropped you here to keep you safe, then he went away, probably to hide from Zekiel that he brought you here or maybe to fight him.”
“Why would this Zekiel guy do this? Did we kill his puppy or something?” Dean rightfully asks.
Sam pauses a moment, thinking how to condense the mess that are their life:” Look… The whole story is very complicated, so I will make as short and simple as possible…
We didn’t do something to Zekiel, never even met the guy. But we were involved with a lot of “politics” about Heaven, which in the end brought to the downfall of the Old God of Creation, Chuck, and Jack taking over.
Jack is doing a good job up there, but he is fundamentally changing the structure of Heaven, since the old one wasn’t working anymore. As you can imagine it’s not popular with everyone.”
Dean stares at Sam, making the same face Dean does when Sam tries to get him to eat healthy food:” Let me get this straight… We someone contributed to the rising of the new God, so this dude decided to Marty McFly our asses, and make sure we never grow up?”
Sam nods:” Exactly.”
“This is crazy, man.” Dean sighs, Sam doesn’t have the heart to tell him that it isn’t the first time that an angel attempted something like this.
Well Anna actually tried to kill their parents to ensure they are never born. Sam wonders if Zekiel didn’t try to do that because she already failed that.
“Why did your angel friend bring us here? No offense, but this is just a fancy hole in the ground.”
Sam was expecting questions and skepticism from young Dean, it’s even surprising he still hadn’t asked them, until this moment. Maybe because they are them from the future?
“This place always had powerful protections against humans and supernatural beings. The only creatures to be able to enter here are...well… Jack, because he is God, and Castiel, because it’s his home as well.” Sam calmly explains.
“Well. Technically speaking there are a few powerful beings, that are equal to Jack in power that can come in here, but we are on good terms with them. So you are safe here.”
Dean raises an eyebrow, probably wondering what equals God in power, but he doesn’t ask, instead he changes topic:” And about this guy, Castiel. Are you alright with it?”
Sam feared that he was going to have this confrontation:” With what?” He feigns ignorance anyway.
“With me, well older me, banging a guy and a non-human being.”
After last night conversation with Dean, he thought about how act with younger Dean on this topic, if he was ever questioned or if he ever had to intervene.
He decided that it’s best to be direct.
“Being ok about it? I threw a fucking parade when they got together!”
He doesn’t know what reaction young Dean expected, but for sure it wasn’t this one:” You what?” He asks, quite confused.
“Listen man. I know you are seventeen, macho man and allergic to anything that may challenge your masculinity. But you have to understand…”
Sam pain of the last ten years comes out.
“We have known Castiel for a little more than ten years, almost eleven. And I have been your. Fucking. Third wheel. For all of these ten years.”
Dean looks a bit to shocked to stop his rant.
“Your secret conversation that you think I didn’t hear while sleeping in the back of the car, the tension, your staring thing! I witness it all!”
He takes a deep breath, after this initial phase of intense emotions, he calms down.
“I have also witnessed the trust and devotion that there is between you two. The pure love and care. The desperation and sadness of losing the other.”
“And, even if it was frustrating at times, I happy to witness it everyday. Because my brother and my best friend have each other, and have true love.”
Dean looks very taken aback from same words, left without words.
The more Dean contemplates his words, the more he blushes, overwhelm by the speech.
“I-emh- I will go c-check on… On Sammy.” Dean hurries out of the kitchen.
As Claire has defined Dean once: he is a massive bisexual disaster.
&&&
Dean stops the car outside the bunker.
Going out with Baby didn’t help much, at moments it even made things worse.
Dean is just so tired.
Since the start of this whole situation, he just feels drained of every energy.
In the past whenever something happened to Cas he would feel a black hole in his chest.
When Raphael smote him.
When Lucifer made him explode in front of his eyes.
When he died in that lake after the leviathans were set free.
When that reaper gutted him when he was human.
When he had to burn his body in a pyre, after Lucifer killed him again.
But the last one.
When Cas sacrificed himself to save Dean, by confessing his absolute unconditional Love for Dean.
Every other time, the hole was closed after Cas came back, like magic, but this time it didn’t work. Dean still has that black hole sucking away every energy from him.
If he looses Cas again, he isn’t sure he can survive. And he doesn’t really care if he does.
“Damn Cas… You really did a number on me.” He thinks out loud, his usual conversation-prayer, hoping that his guardian angel hears him.
“Hey kiddo. It has been a whole day, do you have any news for us?” Now he prays to Jack, because his kid needs his support as well:” If you haven’t found your dad, it’s ok. Come back home, we will figure it out.” He comfort him, because it’s the least he can do.
He waits a while by the Impala, until he hears a flush of wings.
“Dean!”
It’s Jack, a terrified expression on his face and Castiel on his back.
“Jack! Cas!” He immediately run to them:” Here. Let me carry him.” He takes the man of the kid:” Let’s bring him in. Come on.”
They rush inside.