Work Text:
One more cigarette. One more night.
Why do you get so angry every day at 4 PM?
What is this?
The drive home infuriates you. Everyone's shit.
You want to slow down but can't.
You need to get a grip.
Across town, he sleeps. Waiting for you.
Take your pills. Take your pills.
You want to live. It's never been clearer.
But living this way - it's hard. It's weird.
You forgot just how much effort this approach at life costs. How you loathe the feeling of pressure.
But you Must remember that
To weep at beauty, to weep at love,
is a sacred gift.
The comfort of the alternative is not worth the emptiness.
It's just it's so fucking exhausting
to care what others think.
You just want to sleep.
"Are you gonna be okay when I'm gone?"
You don't know. Your instinct is to say No.
But you won't tell him that.
After all, maybe you're wrong this time.
He makes you want to change teams
to Glass Half Full.
What a man.
The fact that you're not sick of him yet is a damned good sign!
You don't want this honeymoon to end.
One more cigarette. One more night.
You lie awake in his bed, wondering if he knows that you're scared.
But then you look over at him, and you're certain that you want to hold on.
His body is a hulking inferno. Tall, wide. Delicious.
You can make this work. Yeah!
It feels better to try.
You're scared to be a real person. You always have been.
But again, the nothingness is far too rough. You won't survive it.
Don't look back. Let him in.
Fuck with dignity.
Before blowing out seventeen candles,
you'd wished for Eudaimonia.
And... maybe this is it.
You're glad you missed the bus.