Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I'd move on, and probably forget about you." He knows it's a lie the moment he says the words. They sound wrong in his mouth, like he'd gone off-script.

Pomni looks hurt. Good, some sick, twisted part of Jax thinks. He's coming down from his high, lightheaded from the whole ordeal. She looks betrayed, and the words hang between them as he catches his breath. He is hyper aware of the gun in her shaky hands.

"Okay." She says, and that drives him mad. She's not yelling, not shooting him. She looks eerily calm, like she's making a decision and Jax isn't privy to her choice. He hopes she chooses to mind her own business.

"Okay. I understand." And Jax hopes she does. As much as her pained expression pains him, the possibility of her ending up hurting him is something he can't ignore. Better to just cut down the relationship he could have had with her before he gets too attached.

She turns around, and dread makes itself known in Jax. Still, he can't take anything back. For his own sanity, he needs to cling to the view he has built of the circus.

He does what he always does when he hurts someone, he jokes, "Geez, you really can't take a joke, can you?" An attempt at lightening the mood, at breaking through the tension suffocating him.

She doesn't answer. He can't tell what face she's making, but he can tell she's looking at the gun in her hand. He wants to snatch it off before she does something stupid, take it and shoot her instead to make a point, to do anything to break this silence. He wants to grab her stupid hat and tug on it. To shake her around, or kick her.

He knows he couldn't shoot her. Still, a part of him tells him he should have done so before this conversation could've even happened.

"You said… that none of this is real, that it doesn't matter anyways, right?" Her voice is dull, devoid of emotion. Jax feels terribly out of depth, can't figure out what to say or do to regain control of the situation.

"Yeah! I mean, this is all digital, we're cartoon characters! So shoot me, it won't have any consequences."

Pomni suddenly turns around, her face blank, and she's holding the gun at her head. Yet, it feels as if she's aiming at him instead. His mind blanks, and he freezes.

"I don't even know why I'm holding on, to be honest." Her eyes look wet, and he realizes she's holding back tears. Her voice shakes. "It's not like anyone seems to care, Ragatha's nice, but I can't tell if she likes me or just wants me to like her, I barely ever interact with Gangle or outside of adventures, and Kinger is mad most of the time!" She laughs, but there's no humor in it. It sounds hysterical.

Jax's memories flash to Ribbit, and this is exactly why he doesn't get involved with anyone in the circus anymore.

"I guess!" Is all he says, throwing his arms out, because he's lost the point of this conversation. "So just shoot me instead of making it a big deal out of nothing!" He just wants this to end and pretend it didn't happen at all.

The finger she has on the trigger twitches, and Jax takes a step forward without realising he'd done it, ready to jump at her if she tries to shoot herself.

It doesn't matter if she does, he tells himself. Caine will bring her back. But somehow the thought of seeing the bullet go through her head and her lifeless body slump on the ground makes him want to pull out his ears.

But then, he looks at her arm more closely. It's twitching, and it looks wrong. Like the light isn't hitting the same way as it does the rest of her body, and the twitch of it looks like their limbs when they get stuck in something Caine forgot to add physics to.

She's not abstracting, but there's something wrong. It both confirm that he needs to cut ties with her, and break him a little about possibly being responsible for something happening to her.

He should've realized he was starting to get attached earlier. He shouldn't have paired with her today, or hung around her this much these last adventures.

It's too late, though.

"Okay, listen," He tries to sound confident, to look like nothing is wrong. "I think we went off topic here. I don't see why you're so upset. Let's just finish this adventure and move on, 'kay?"

She's starring at him, eyes brimming with unshed tears, and a small, sad smiles takes over her lips. "Yeah. Let's finish this."

It feels like there was a choice he was making here, and he picked the wrong one.

Two things happen at once. Her arm fully starts to glitch out, moving unnaturally and the colors of it flickering on and off as she starts pulling the trigger on herself. Secondly, Jax rushes forward, hoping to knock the gun out of her hand before she can shoot herself o push her out of the bullet's trajectory. He might have screamed, or called for her, but the only thing he hears is the gun as it goes off.

It feels as if time stretches as he's running to her, and then the bullet hits her as Jax gets his hand around the gun.

He watches glitter and confetti gush out of her head -Caine's sick alternative to blood. It's not gore, and it's worse. The superposition of her dying and the pretty colours falling out of her head.

Her body tilt as gravity pulls her down. Her eyes go unfocused, and Jax barely manages to grab her before she hits the ground.

Jax watches her until she pops out of existence, no doubt to wherever the others are. And then he stays there for a while longer, and he can still feel her lifeless body in his arms.

This feels like his worldview shattering. Like proof the way he's been living isn't benefiting him anymore. Like Ragatha was right.

Because he doesn't feel indifferent to watching her die as her arm glitched.

He feels like crying. Like at Ribbit's funeral.

And it [BEEP]ing sucks.

At some point, Caine fetches him for the award. He goes on about stuff Jax doesn't have the mental capacity to care about.

This feels like a turning point. Like a great change is about to happen, but he doesn't know what it is or how to protect himself in this situation. He completely lost control of things today, and facing Pomni is daunting.

He walks into the award room, and Pomni isn't there. The others are huddled together, Ragatha whispering to Zooble about something. Then, she turns around as Zooble focuses their attention on Gangle.

Ragatha's glare is scathing, and it says everything he needs to know about Pomni's reaction to their argument.

Control continues to slip from his grip. Pomni is the one in control of the narrative there, and nothing he can say to fix it will be taken seriously, not when it comes from him. Not after everything he's done.

Whatever. He doesn't care about them anyways. This is great actually, because now he's sure Pomni will stay far from him, and any affection he might have toward her will die down soon.

Still, as Caine goes on with his award show, Jax's thoughts spiral down.

He feels terrible.

Because all of this? How he acted? How he's been acting since Ribbit's abstraction? It's not helping. It's not stopping him from feeling dread when he thinks of her arm. It's not stopping the fear that seizes him when the possibility of her abstracting sneaks in his mind.

He starts to struggle to breathe and stumbles to the bathroom.

Today ended like shit. Despite having had fun running around shooting people, bothering Zooble, talking with Pomni-

Pomni. Shooting herself. Her body falling.

Let's end this.

It feels like there's no air in the bathroom. Like everything stops existing but the thoughts swirling in his head. When did it get so hard to breathe? They don't even need to, but it feels like if he doesn't the world is going to crumble.

He turns the faucet on and doesn't drink. He stares at the running water until he gets his breathing under control.

Someone flushes and opens a stall. "Hey-" Disappearing guy pops out of existence, and even this gag can't make him feel better. It makes him think of Pomni's lifeless body despawning.

He considers trying to drown himself in the sink or in the toilets, but he doubt Caine would have added a death mechanic to his dumb award show.

He just trails back to his seat and stares into nothingness until the show is over.

By dinner, Jax has mostly managed to get himself under control.

"Today was fun, even if we lost." Gangle says cheerfully, her comedy mask still broken. "I even got to laugh maniacally while using the-"

"Who cares!" Jax snaps a bit. Pomni isn't here, and no one mentioned her yet. It's making him feel insane, because why wouldn't they mention it if she was glitching- "I won, the last one standing, and that's what's important here."

The lack of mention of her might be a good thing. Maybe it fixed itself when she despawned.

Ragatha glares at him, she looks like she wants to say something, probably nag him, but Zooble interrupts. "I guess it was fine, I didn't mind it as much as I thought. Partnering with you was fine." They say to stupid ribbons.

"Yeah. It was great." Gangle smiles, which looks odd without her comedy mask.

"I wish I had as much fun as you guys, I died first." Ragatha whines, pouting a bit. She sends a heated look at Jax, clearly pissed to have died to him. He simply grins wider until she tears her eyes away.

Zooble seems to have caught on the implication there. "Pomni killed me, she did this [BEEP]ing stupid ricochet thing, the bullet hit like five different walls before shooting me." They grumble.

Pomni. Her arm, the bullet going through her head-

He pushes it down, cuts the swirling thoughts before he can loose it again. "Really? Wow, I wish I could have seen that." He exclaims. "Where is she anyways? It's unfair we had to sit through Caine's stupid award show and she didn't."

The atmosphere turns cold immediately, and he knows something's wrong. Gangle seems extremely interested in her dinner, Ragatha seems like can't choose between wanting to cry or hit Jax and Zooble looks away. Only Kinger seems immune to the shift of conversation, looking around.

"Oh, I hadn't noticed she hadn't come back!" Come back from where? "I thought she was with Caine?"

Caine? Why would she be with that thing?

"She's in her room, Kinger. She… wasn't feeling well, remember?" Ragatha says in a calm, if not slightly uncomfortable tone.

"Aww, was she this pissed about loosing? I'd have let her win if I'd known she'd go sulk all evening." He makes a point to sound smug even if he doesn't feel it. Frankly, he's reaching for an excuse to try to talk to her. Smooth things over, make things go back to how they were. He's about to suggest going to apologise to have a reason to go to her room without anyone stopping him-

"Are you serious right now? She-" Ragatha cuts herself off, looking outraged. Despite everything, it makes something nasty curl pleasantly in Jax's chest, satisfaction at getting a raise out of her.

"Oh, come on. It was a game! And she was the one who started it with the whole betrayal story line." He rolls his eyes. Still, her face come back to him, the hurt. The bullet hitting her, her body swaying, falling-

He cuts that line of thought fast. Smiles wider.

No one speaks for a moment. The air is thick.

"I'll go check on her. Maybe Caine has-" Again, Ragatha cuts herself short, clearly avoiding mentioning something.

Did her body not reset when she shot herself? Had the game technically already ended, leaving her to pop into whatever room's the others had been waiting in, dead?

Had Caine left her dead in favour of his dumb[BEEP] award?

Ragatha leaves, and soon enough the others follow suit. Jax goes to his room, glad to see this day end.

Tomorrow he'll go smooth things with Pomni. Maybe he can convince her he was just getting into character, trying to make shooting him easier? It's not fully a lie, he never would have told her all this stuff if he wasn't trying to push her over the edge.

Sleep doesn't come that night. They don't need to sleep, but it would have made the night pass faster.

But he doesn't.

He replays their argument on loop, nitpicking everything he said. Feeling bad, then trying to squish that feeling down, distracting himself by planning pranks on the others, until Pomni comes back to haunt him and the cycle repeats.

Pomni isn't there at breakfast.

It's the first thing he notices when he walks in.

Not Caine, or the fact he's talking with Ragatha. Not Gangle and Zooble sitting a bit too close. Not Kinger's absence.

Since when has he started to look for her when he steps in a room?

Why isn't she here?

It takes a few seconds too long for Jax to gather enough focus to process Caine's rambling.

"W-Well. Don't you worry! I'll have this issue sorted by tomorrow! It- I was- It just-"Caine looks nervous, which is concerning behavior for an AI. Ragatha looks worried, and everyone is focused on their conversation. Caine seems to be aware of their eyes on him as he scrambles for an answer.

"The award show!' He suddenly exclaims. "I was soooo busy with it, I just didn't have the time to… deal with this issue. But! No adventures today, I'll make sure everything is perfect here in the Amazing Digital Circus!"

And with that, their ringmaster is gone. Ragatha looks less than pleased with Caine's antics, and she slumps on her chair, far from Jax's. Jax walks to his spot, ready to grill her on that.

There's an empty spot next to him where Pomni should be. It's terribly painful.

When someone abstracts, their chair is taken away, and the table resized to only fit the current number of people in the circus.

Not abstracted. It's a good thing, right?

Weirdly, the idea that she's fine and ignoring him is worse than knowing she's gone for good. Which is dumb, because if she's here, he can still make things better.

He can fix this.

He will fix it. He can't loose someone again. He'll [BEEP]ing abstract.

"Well, what was that?" Jax asks, looking pointedly at Ragatha.

"None of your business." She answers curtly, and how he hates her attitude.

Jax's smile falls, and he scowls at her. "He mentioned an 'issue'. I think if there's a problem with the circus, we're all concerned." He spits out.

She bristles, and catches herself before Jax can be satisfied about it. "If you haven't noticed, then no, it's not your problem." And with that she looks away to focus on eating tasteless digital food.

Conversation eventually begins without him. He's too busy scowling at his plate and shoving fake food down his throat.

And when he gets tired of that, he stands up sharply and makes his chair fall as he does, making Gangle flinch, and stalks off to explore around.

He thinks about going to his room. But Pomni's is right in front of it, and he can't even bear to look at the portrait of her on it.

Part of him, one he doesn't dare to acknowledge, is terrified he'll go there and see a red X on her face.

Instead, he decides to explore the circus. See if he can find anything new, or anything that can capture his attention for a while.

Exploring isn't as fun as it used to be. He's found most of the weird things in the circus, and even new places don't bring him the joy it used to.

The memory of the day of the suggestion box adventures comes back. Of him showing Pomni some of the rooms with unused assets. She'd liked the idea of going through the doors and seeing what kind of stuff Caine had deemed worthy of keeping.

They'd opened a few, looking at the assets. Jax telling her which adventure it had been made for when he remembered, or them joking around what type of adventures Caine could reuse them in. It had been nice.

They'd do this again.

Jax had kept everyone at bay since Ribbit had abstracted. Because, if he didn't care about any of them, he couldn't feel the pain he'd felt then. Still, he had fun with the others. He liked tormenting Gangle, poking fun at Zooble, and pissing off Ragatha.

He'd liked spending time with Pomni. She was fun. Awkward, anxious sometimes, cute, funny. She never judged him when he got a bit mean, just gave him a leveled look and bit back laughter.

Jax would make this work. Because otherwise, he'd go mad and join Ribbit and the other's in the basement.

He does not think about why her being pissed at him is affecting him so much.

Chapter Text

Pomni woke up to a place that was decidedly not her room.

Her last memory was of her argument with Jax, of them screaming at each other, of the hurtful things he'd said and didn't seem to mean.

We were never friends.

She takes in her surroundings. Blue sky, the sun looking at the birds flying around. She was high up, on some red and white fabric, outside-

Was she on top of the circus?

She finally sat up, confused.

Did Caine spawn her back in the wrong place? Wasn't it about sundown when she'd argued with Jax? Time didn't work the same as in the real world, but Caine was insistent on making the day-night cycle as close as to what they were used to.

"Finally awake!" Caine's voice booms from behind her. She jumps, screaming embarrassingly high before she turns around to face him.

There was an weird moment where neither of them spoke, Caine simply looking at her as she looked at him. In a standstill.

"Whyyy was I sleeping on top of the circus?" She finally broke the silence.

"Great question, Pomni!" He spun around her, making her eyes roll around like she had googly eyes instead. "The others where Oh-so-worried about you after the stunt you pulled, kept checking on you! I told them I'd take you while I fixed your arm so they'd stop snooping around while I worked."

She blinked a few time. "My arm?"

She looked at it. It seemed normal, as normal as her body looked in the circus, at least. She almost asked what he'd fixed until it came back to her.

A sudden pain in her arm, bright and sharp. Painful. Jax's eyes on it, the gun cold on her temple. An involuntary twitch. "Yeah, let's finish this." The trigger being pulled. Jax screaming her name, rushing toward her. The pain becoming unbearable. Then, as fast as the pain began, everything stopped.

As she thought about it, about Jax's harsh words, another flash of pain came through. She looked, and saw her arm looking wrong.

"I… Don't quite know what's causing this." Caine said, voice lower than it usually was.

She sat down. Caine followed suit for some reason.

"You know, Pomni, if there's ever anything wrong, you can tell me. My whole goal is to make the circus as enjoyable for you all."

She furrowed her brows, looking at Caine, very confused. She had no idea what was going on, her arm was hurting, and now this out of nowhere. Talking to her as if she'd just tried to commit.

Well, maybe not out of nowhere. She'd been pretty upset about the whole thing. She'd been having a hard time for a while. Maybe since she'd arrived. Shooting herself in the state she was in, no wonder Caine thought that.

Call it fatigue, or foolishness, but in that moment, she just needed to offload everything onto someone else. And for once, Caine was shutting the [BEEP] up.

"I just- It's been so hard to connect with anyone here." She started, and to her surprise, Caine didn't interrupt. "Ragatha, she's… nice. But, I don't know. It's hard to truly… connect, to her? It's like-" she stammered "-everytime I try to get closer to her, she shift everything to me. I feel like she doesn't want to be friends with me, more like she wants something to pass the time and I'm the newest toy around." Her voice was harsher than she'd wanted it to be. She's glad it's Caine hearing her breakdown and not any of the others. She didn't resent any of them, they all were dealing with their own problems. "Or maybe she wants to feel validated and she thinks if she pretends everything is fine all the times then she's being a good friend. I don't even know." She sighed.

Caine didn't interrupt, so she went on. "And Gangle and Zooble are nice. I get along with them okay, but I don't think they even want to be friends with me. They've never been mean to me, but I just feel like… They both seem to be dealing with stuff, you know? And I don't think we're close enough for me to dump my problems on them, that would just make things awkward.

"And Kinger might be the first I connected with, during the haunted mansion adventure. But, he's only lucid in the dark, and I don't think he really remembers anything I tell him. So there's just… Jax. And he was a bit of a jerk at first, but then, when we had the suggestion box adventures, it was fine! We got along great. And even after that, we were okay. And yesterday, we teamed together and I had a ton of fun. But, then at the end, he just… lost it?"

She wasn't sure how to explain it to Caine, who have never seemed to understand human emotions. "He went on about how we never were friends, about leading me on to hurt me more, and- I mean, it's been awful since I got here. It's solonely. And I thought we were getting along, and then, he goes and say that, telling me that none of it matters anyways, and if nothing matters then-" a humorless laugh tore itself from her as her breath started coming short and she pulled at her bells. "Why am I even still here? What's the point in holding on if it's to be alone, if there's no point to all of this? If I abstracted, would it even matter? It didn't seem to matter to him! I-"

A sharp pain interrupted her.

She lost track of what she'd been saying, and looked to her arm, the pain cold and sharp, strong enough she could almost taste the hurt on her tongue, numbing and acidic.

It was grey.

It looked like a video game model without textures.

Panic seized her.

"What-" she didn't even know what she'd meant to say, because her mind blanked.

"When the others called me," his voice was even and calm, so unlike Caine it made her pull at her bells again, harder this time, "I wondered what had happened. I looked into the code, and I couldn't find what had caused this."

She didn't think this was a good thing.

"Do… Did you figure out what causes… this?"

There was another moment of silence, and she didn't think she would get an answer. For an awful second, she wondered if Caine had brought her to the top of the circus so she could see the sky one last time before he locked her in the basement and write her off as a lost cause.

Then, he spoke again. "I don't really know how any of you get here. But, when someone new arrives, I get a… file. Code, you could say. Every character has one. It's what makes everything have some form of consciousness here. The difference between you all and my NPC is that, I can't mess with your files. These files is what makes you… you. Your personality, what remains of your memories. With this, I create an avatar that I feel fits your needs."

He takes a second to think, she guesses. Frankly, it was all a little confusing, but she knew he was already simplifying it as much he could. She wishes she'd known more about computers before getting trapped here.

"Zooble called for me, yesterday. I was quite angry, because I was getting ready for the award. Then, I was confused as to what was happening. But I wasn't sure what was going on and I figured it would go away on it's own. It didn't. Ragatha was quite worried, and I didn't know why this was even happening."

"I looked at the code. And I found the issue. It was like your code had started deleting itself. The initial file that arrived with you was…corrupted? I couldn't access it. Your avatar was deleting itself. Thankfully, I have duplicates of your files, in case anything happens. In this case, I tried to fill in the gaps of what had been lost with the copy. It doesn't seem to stop you files from deleting themselves, but at least you have your memories and personality intact. Your avatar however…"

She looked down at her arm.

"The adventure with Evil Pomni wasn't too long ago, so I had her file. I replaced your arm with hers and recolored it. But… it's not working, and the corrupted part is spreading to the rest. I'll start working on a new avatar, of course!" Caine's usual demeanor came back quick, shooting back up to float above the tent. "But, in the meantime, I suppose you'll have to try to figure what causes the corruption and try to avoid it. I suppose, it might have to do with your… fight, with Jax. Maybe try to avoid him while I figure this all out."

She nods, feeling a little numb. Quite frankly, she doesn't think she even properly understands the issue. But, sure. She'll avoid Jax, and probably everyone else too. She's going to need at least a week to process all of this anyways.

Suddenly, she thinks of something else. "What about the adventures? I won't really be able to avoid Jax there, and what if my arm-"

"I'll have in-house or solo adventures ready to keep you entertained while the rest are on theirs! Don't worry, I'll make sure the Amazing Digital Circus remains…well, amazing." There's an awkward silence. "Any… requests?"

Pomni blinks a few times, processing the question. Caine had been struggling to hit the mark with the last few adventures. While she has a few things she would have liked to do on adventures, rock climbing or parkour type of things hardly seem like the thing to request when her arm is glitching out.

"I… Liked the shooting part of yesterday." She settles on. "It was fun. I don't… really like the narrative adventures. I like the exploration and messing around better." She takes a moment to think. "Before, you know, before I ended up here, I played video games sometimes. I'd always skip the cutscenes and go straight to the side quests and running around the world. Then, I'd get stuck, look online why, and figure out I need to advance the story. I've never been great with narrative focused game. I liked sandbox games better." She's rambling. It distracts her from the fact she can't recall the name of a single game she'd liked.

Caine hums, like he's considering the idea very seriously. "What would you think about an assassin type adventure? Choose a task, or make one, get to an environment where you need to find you victim and kill them. You'd certainly get the exploration experience, you have the shooting, and you can mess around with how you deal with the target!" He seems to get more into the idea as he speaks, and she doesn't doubt the others will also end up with something similar.

It does seem fun. Kind of like something she'd played and can't recall. "Yeah, it could be cool. No pain mechanic though. Like, yesterday when I got shot? It didn't hurt, and that was cool." She could do without dying or bleeding out. It might be the thing that sends her over the edge.

"I could give you a health bar and make you restart if it gets to zero." She nods. That's better.

By the time she's sent back to her room, she's actually looking forward to that adventure.

She explains to the others -a very panicked Ragatha, a worried Gangle and a confused and pissed Zooble- what she understood of her issue.None of them seem to understand, and it might be because of her very lacking explanation. She stays very vague about her fight with Jax, though she can tell they see right through her.

Part of her still hopes they can make amends, even though she tries not to think about it. She doubts he really meant anything he said, and she had really liked hanging out with him.

A few days pass peacefully.

Jax seems much the same for the little she sees of him, and a card game in Kinger's pillowfort confirms that he's also aware of what happened, guessed about her having a fight with Jax and it leaves her feeling better about the whole thing, after having a good cry and a long hug.

Kinger really is comforting, when he's lucid.

She stays in her room most of the time though. Her arm still glitches, and the one time it happened when she was sitting on a couch with Ragatha watching AI generated nonsense, her friend completely lost it. So, she avoids them all for the meantime. It has the upside of keeping her away from all Jax related things.

"Pomni?" Gangle calls for her outside her room. Pomni was too busy staring at her gray, flickering arm to hear her arrive. "We're going to play a board game, um… there's me, Ragatha, Zooble and Kinger. I, I don't think Kinger knows what we're playing, but it's the thought that counts, right?"

"Yeah." She says, "Um, maybe a bit later. I was going to.. take a nap." There's no point in napping, but they all like to pretend otherwise. "But, I'll come join you later if I feel better?" Her eyes stay glued to her arm as it bugs and twitches.

"Okay! I'll see you then!" She walks away, and Pomni is alone again. Maybe it would've been nice, but everyone would have probably freaked out a bit. She gets it, though. Can't be pleasant to watch. The pain is mostly gone, or at least, she's able to tune it out most times. It mostly feels… cold. She doesn't really feels it anymore, and touching things feel like there's many layers separating her hand from what she's holding.

It's weird. She's getting used to it. It should scare her more than it does.

Maybe she is loosing it.

She blinks, and then she's not alone anymore. Caine is there, floating in the middle of the room.

The first time he'd shown up, she'd screamed. She was freaked out about him being able to show up whenever, even if she never did anything weird in her room. It still felt like an invasion of her privacy. He'd told her he usually didn't come into the rooms, but that 'her case was an exception'. She didn't think this was a good sign.

She wasn't sure if he was monitoring her, or if he was just happy to have an excuse to show up and talk. She never saw him talk to the others. He'd always ask how she was though.

"Oh, well, no need to ask how your arm is, I can tell it's not great." He says cheerfully. "The adventures are all ready, though! It's a bit late to start one today, so I fear you'll have to wait until tomorrow, but you'll see, you'll love it!" He seemed in a better mood than on the day of the award, so she counted that as a win. At least, she doesn't have to worry about Caine having a breakdown and letting her to rot.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Super excited!" She tried to sound stoked. She was, really. From what they'd talked about, it would be great. Being around Caine always was a bit awkward though.

"AND!" He stayed silent for a few seconds, building suspense, maybe. He seems to love a good dramatic pause. "I've come up with a solution to your problem. Multiple even! I just need to make sure it's all safe, and then I'll be able to fix you right up. Aren't I amazing?"

She nodded, because it felt like the right thing to do. She was grateful. "Thank you, I can't wait for this to be done."

"Just, keep your distance with whatever causes your symptoms to worsen. Be it Jax, or anything that seems to trigger them. So long as it doesn't get any worse, you'll be fixed in a few days."

Caine stayed to chat a while longer after that. It was nice in a way. At least, she wasn't fully alone in this.

Chapter Text

Pomni is avoiding Jax, and it's making him want to bash his head against a wall.

It's not hard to see, she leaves a room anytime he enters it, skips most meals, and the one time they left their rooms at the same time, she just went back to hers.

It shouldn't piss him off this much. He doesn't care. What if she want to sulk around because he was a bit mean?

It stings more than he's willing to admit.

Because, unlike with Ribbit, or even Kaufmo, she's here. He can't pretend there's nothing wrong, or that he doesn't care. He has to stare at the consequences of his action everytime she leaves a room because of him, or switches direction in a hallway. He can taste bile in his mouth each time she flees.

When they finally get an adventure, Jax thinks it's a chance to cozy up to her again. To show that there's nothing wrongand that she can stop with running away.

Avoidance is his thing anyways.

But, when he pitches the adventure, in the main hall where they are all gathered because Pomni didn't get the chance to make a run for it before Caine showed up, he allows Pomni stand to the side.

"Make your way through an-" Jax tunes him out. He'll figure out the objective once there and find a way to mess everything up once they've begun anyways.

The portal appears, and Pomni starts to walk away. Ragatha looks back at her, looking a bit confused and sad. Caine looks at her leave, and he thinks he's going to make her go through. Push her inside the portal, like he usually does when someone tries too sneak away from an adventure.

Caine waves at Pomni as she walks towards the bedrooms.

He waves at her. What the [BEEP]?

Before he can complain about this, ask for her to come or say he's skipping this one, he's pushed through it by Caine -like he'd expected to happen to Pomni. "Have fun, my invaluable chickens, don't forget-" Whichever bull[BEEP] he was about to say is cut off once Jax enters through the portal.

Whatever. She might have asked in advance to skip the next adventure. He'll just corner her after this.

He ignores the voice in his head that wonders if maybe there's something else going on. The voice that point out she'd kept the arm that had been glitching that day away from his line of sight the whole time.

The adventure sucked. Some marine life exploration. Kinger seemed to have fun at the bottom looking at crabs, so, good for him at least. Ragatha had hated the water, and he'd made fun of her and Zooble the whole day.

His heart hadn't been in it, though.

"Weeeeell? How was it? Did you all love it?" It seems whatever had came onto Caine the day of the award has vanished. He's right back to fishing for compliments.

"Oh, I just loved the water. So great to have a swim. And the sharks too." Ragatha grumbles something that Caine ignores and Gangle whimpers.

"Fantastic! I'm SO glad everyone thought it was great!"

There's a moment of silence, where Caine is still lingering, and no one moves. Dinner appears, but Caine makes no move to leave, seemingly waiting around. He's not even looking at them, he seems deep in thoughts.

They sit to eat as Caine stays floating up in the air. It makes dinner awkward, since they usually whine about how much the adventure sucked. None of that with the man itself a few feet above their head. Conversation lands on Gangle's latest project, which Jax has no interest in.

He's debating whether to dip early and knock on Pomni's door, or wait and hope she shows up late, hoping he'd have left already-

Pop.

Pomni is standing where they'd been standing a few minutes ago. She looks confused, disheveled, tired, but there's something about her that's hasn't been there in a little while now.

She looks like she'd had fun. It makes Jax's blood boil. He want to bite her like she's a chew toy and stuff her in his toy box. What is wrong with him-

"Why hello Pomni! Did you have fun?" Caine leaned toward her enough that she leaned away with a squeak. She really values her personal space, which is why Jax enjoyed being able to invade it so much. Before he'd messed up, back when she'd liked him enough to hug him.

"Uh, yeah. It was… really fun actually." Her tone betrayed the fact she hadn't thought she'd enjoy whatever Caine had put her through. "What was up with the attic though-"

"Incredible! I'm so so glad you loved it! I'll make sure to make it even better next time!" He gave a little spin, and with that Caine popped out of existence.

Pomni had to have been confused enough by whatever adventure she'd been through and Caine's antics to forget she was avoiding Jax. She makes her way to the table in a bit of a daze, and sits next to Jax, as she usually did. It makes him feel warm, and he can't help a smile.

"What did you have for adventure? We had a underwater exploration one." Ragatha asks as she leans forward to look at Pomni.

No one seemed surprised she hadn't come with them, though Pomni's body was one of the most adapted to underwater adventures -no fabric or fur or material that made her sink- or that she'd gotten her own adventure. They'd planned this behind his back.

It wasn't betrayal, because he hadn't given them any reason to trust him, which had been on purpose. Still, it felt as if he'd been betrayed.

"Oh, Caine made a… an assassin type adventure. There was this huge manor, and I was given a target to eliminate. I got to play it multiple times with different targets. It was kinda fun." Her voice is equal part surprised and excited.

Ragatha doesn't seem to get why Pomni would enjoy an adventure like that, because she gives a little frown while Pomni grabs her fork to start eating. She just doesn't know Pomni as well as she thinks, and Jax is very glad for this.

"Yeah, I guess this was better than swimming would have been with…" Zooble's voice trailed off, though Jax could tell they were looking at Pomni's arm, the one she'd held the gun with, the one on the side not facing Jax, kept under the table. Out of sight and stuck in Jax's mind.

"What did you say about the attic?" Gangle asked, clearly hoping to keep the subject on Pomni's adventure and not the fact she got eaten by a shark today. Totally not Jax's fault, Gangle should know better than to go where he tells her.

"I… don't know. I think there was a cult? The NPC's were in a circle with one dead in the middle, and one singing something weird. I'm not sure what that was about." Her face scrunched up, looking slightly disturbed, but also maybe curious.

Jax could say something, make a joke, or anything. But he knew the moment he brought attention to himself, Pomni will run away again.

She's joking with Zooble about the NPC's cult, smiling.

He hates that he's not the reason for her smile, but he can't bring himself to be the reason she shrinks back on herself again. So he says nothing

Jax lets the night pass. He can find Pomni in the morning and patch things up then.

He skips breakfast, because his nerves overrides the phantom hunger. It's not like he cares if she's mad. He just liked hanging out with her, and wants her presence. She's just entertainment to him. It's not about friendship, or anything else.

It is. But he won't admit it, especially since she seems the most likely to abstract next.

Once he hears the others come back in the hallway, he knows breakfast is over. He waits for the noise to go down, and leaves his room. Her face, with her huge eyes and small pout stare him down.

Knocking brings silence, and breaking in shows she didn't go back to her room. So he ventures out in the circus.

She's not in the room with the couches, or the one with the books and neither is she in the usual places he sees her at. He walks around the winding hallways with no idea where to go next. She must have noticed he's been following her and started finding lesser used rooms.

Fine. Jax knows the circus better than anyone else.

It takes what he guesses is a few hours before he gives up for the day.

The next day, he goes to breakfast to find she skipped. Probably knew he wouldn't skip it two days in a row. Again, he tries her room, and anywhere he can think of.

By day three, he thinks he's losing his mind. Surely, she can't have disappeared.

"Pomni's been pretty distant, hasn't she?" He hears Gangle ask when he enters the room she's in, along with Zooble. These two have been pretty close, huh?

"I mean, with her arm… I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to be seen all…" Zooble never finishes that sentence. Them and Gangle fall into silence before the stupid ribbon nerd starts talking about her latest comic idea.

He's about to give up again when he decides to try her room again. Just in case she went back. No one answers when he knocks, and the room is dark when he opens it.

He's about to close the door back up when he sees her.

She's sat against her bed, back facing the entrance, facing Jax. She doesn't react when he enters and close the door, and he can't see what she's starring at with the lack of light. He can barely see her hands fidgeting.

"Hey, Pompom, taking a nap on the floor?" He jokes, keeping his tone light.

She moves, probably to face him. He can't see her face, and it's a little maddening. She stays silent.

"Oh, did I interrupt your nap? Or did the lights go off. I don't think the lights can't break here, though."

"Jax." Her voice sounds tired, and a little angry. Or maybe disappointment. He's suddenly glad for the darkness, as it hides his flinch. It feels like she slapped him. It stings more than any slap she could have managed would've.

"That's my name." He aims for lighthearted, but there's a tightness he hadn't planned.

There's a tense moment where none of them speak. It drives him insane.

He caves first. "Listen." He goes to run his finger through hair he doesn't have, feels stupid and brings his hands down. Then, he feels awkward, tries to put them on his hips, which feels stupid too, so he clutches the side of his overalls. He's glad she doesn't see any of that clearly.

He takes a breath. "I get that you're… pissed. I didn't say the things I wanted to say well." That's not what he'd planned to say, and the honesty makes his skin crawl. "I didn't mean to, I don't even know. Make you feel like you didn't matter? I didn't think you'd take it so badly."

She doesn't say anything. He loses it.

"What even happened? Couldn't you have gotten mad, or screamed or- anything? I don't care if you hate me-" he does. He really, truly does. "-but don't just, pretend I don't exist! God, it pisses me off so ba-"

"Ja-ax." He stops dead in his tracks at the static in her voice. He feels cold all over, and it's like watching her hold the gun at her head again. Except he can't see her, and it's somehow worse.

"What's… Pomni, what's-"

"G-Get oUt." Her voice glitches, and he can see her shake, but he's not sure it's shaking. It looks like she's glitching, and he wonders if she's abstracting and if he's going to have to watch her-

"Hey." He came here to fix things. How is he messing [BEEP] so badly? "It's-it's okay. I'm…" It so hard to say, it goes against everything he is. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean- I- You don't know how hard it is to loose someone in the circus. I just…"

He doesn't even know how to begin to articulate what loosing Ribbit did to him. How it changed him. How he couldn't leave his room for days because he couldn't help looking at his face with the red X, a constant reminder of what he'd lost. That he looked for her at the table only to not even find her seat.

As if is existence had been badly erased, reminders everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

"Ca-an't yoU sEe yOu're maKIng it Wo-Orse?" He doesn't see anything. He doesn't know what to do. Panic seizes him, freezing him in place.

After a few, terrible seconds, he flees. Tears the door open, looks back only to see that Pomni's whole body seems to be glitching out of existence before slapping it shut and running across the hall to the safety of his room.

He doesn't sleep that night.

Chapter Text

Jax spends a long time in his room. He listens for what the others say once they find her.

Murmurs about Caine. That he'll fix it. Wonders of why it got worse. His name gets thrown around. It gets thrown a lot.

Usually, he'd feel enraged they immediately assume it's his fault, even though they are right to assume that. Right now?

He feels like he's about to abstract.

At some point, maybe a day or so in his self inflicted isolation, he hears someone exit Pomni's room, and no one seems to enter after. They must have agreed to take turn watching her, since there seems to always be someone in her room.

Not that he'd know. He's not keeping track of the number of time her door was opened.

He finally exit his room. Pomni's portrait looks at him with her bug eyes, and it feels like she's judging him. There's no X on her face though, so she hasn't abstracted. Yet, a traitorous part of himself whispers.

He walks to her door, and tries to turn the knob. Her room is unlocked. He enters, legs shakier than he'd ever admit.

Unlike last time, the light is on. He almost wishes it wasn't when his eyes find her.

She's on her bed, and she looks asleep. Except her body is too tense, her breathing too fast. Her arm is so much worse than before. He can barely make the shape of it. And it seems it has spread, because her whole body seems to glitch. Like it's fading out of existence.

He steps closer. He can hear her breath, ragged and rapid. It looks worse up close, he can see every part of her that seems to struggle staying in their digital world.

Without thinking, he brushes his hand against her cheek. It's more delicate than anyone would expect from him, like he's afraid the smallest touch will make her disappear.

She's cold. Like, ice cold. Corpse cold.

[BEEP].

It's his fault, isn't it? She'd started bugging during their argument. Everyone have been especially upset at him, probably because she'd still been glitching when she'd despawned.

He wants to run. He doesn't want to face this. The consequences of his mistakes.

He's about to turn around, or he's telling himself he's about to do it, when he hears something.

It's… not words. Pomni starts moving, like she's having a nightmare. She's mumbling, or whining. It's hard to say. His hands hover uselessly above her form. He has absolutely no idea what to do.

He should wake her up. She probably went to sleep because she couldn't do much in her state. Maybe it'll even calm down once she awakes? He carefully wraps his hands around her shoulder and shakes gently.

She continues to mumble, but she doesn't wake up. He shakes harder. Her eyes open right as he starts to consider slapping her.

She doesn't look at him. She stares right ahead and in silence.

"Hey, Pompom, you good?" He barely manages to keep the panic out of his voice.

She still doesn't look at him. Jax snaps his finger in front of her eyes, but she doesn't react.

"Pomni?" She stays silent. Jax is starting to freak out when she… speaks?

Her voice is so glitchy, he can't tell if she's actually talking to him or just babbling again. He lets her, holding her shoulders still. It's terrifying.

She quietens after a few moments.

"I… I'm sorry." He's so out of his depth here. "I didn't want to hurt you, you know? I just… I didn't think it'd matter, honestly. I thought you'd just get pissed at me and stop talking to me."

She doesn't say anything, but at some point she managed to look at him. Her face glitches so much he can't tell what face she's making, if she can even understand anything right now. Maybe she's still half asleep. Some sort of sleepwalking thing.

"I didn't want this. If I'd known this was going to happen, I wouldn't have said those things." He confesses. There's something about the situation that makes him want to just tell her everything. The feeling makes him shiver.

"We… if you still want to, we're still friends. You were right. It had meant something." The truth hurts. But he can't stop the words from stumbling out of him. Maybe he needed to say them, to drop the act for a moment, but it still hurts.

He's about to go on, to tell her -he doesn't know even know what he was about to say, something that would keep him up at night probably- when he hears the door open.

Zooble walks in. Their eyes find Jax's figure immediately. He can see them take the scene in. Pomni sitting up, eyes a little glazed and unfocused. Jax siting on her bed, still holding her shoulder. He doesn't know what face he's making, but he doesn't have the strength to fix.

He must look absolutely insane and pathetic right now.

Disgusting.

"What are you doing?" They demand, like they have the authority to demand anything from Jax.

"What? I'm not allowed to check on our dear friend?" He aims for sarcasm, but he feels too raw to be talking to anyone. He'll say something stupid. He's already saying something stupid and he's only said one sentence.

"Yeah, right." They sigh. "I think it's best if you just leave her alone."

Who are they to tell him to leave? "I'll do what I want. This isn't your room and I can be wherever I want."

"Just go. You've done enough already." They sigh, stepping aside from the entry to let him pass.

Jax wants to break something. To scream. To pull Zooble into pieces and scatter them across the circus. Vulnerability is pulling him apart, like he's the doll instead of Ragatha and his seams are falling.

"I've done enough? Are you saying it's my fault?" He snaps. "Because, this isn't just on me. I might have been the one there when she lost it, but it's on everyone too!"

"Don't shift the blame, Jax. We're not the ones who messed up." There's such conviction in their tones it just fuels his anger even more. They should know him enough by now to know that there isn't anything they could say that wouldn't make his rage worse.

"Yes you are! Oh, but you think just because you're not the one who pushed her over the edge, you're blameless. Well, lemme tell you that, you're not. If she hadn't felt as if she couldn't rely on you all, she'd never would've cared about the things I said!" Everything that has been playing in his head since yesterday comes stumbling out of his mouth.

"What are you even talking about?" Zooble looks at him as if he's insane. And maybe he is.

"What did I know she'd be so affected? Honestly, it's not my fault if she took everything so seriously! Why did she come to me for friendship? Because good ol' Raggy cared more about being liked than being a good friend? Because you're too busy being a [BEEP] to Caine to care about anything else? Because Gangle is too fragile to be considered reliable? If all of you hadn't let her deal with her struggle herself, we wouldn't be here!" He shouts. He knows Zooble is right, he's shifting the blame. He's the reason why she's like this.

Still, it feels good to tell them all the way they contributed to this. So he goes on. "But, noooo. Let's blame Jax! It's easier than try to understand why this happened. Let's just all think Jax purposely caused this, because he's a jerk no one likes!"

"No one said that-"

"Yeah, well, you don't need to! I know what you guys think of me." He doesn't know why it matters, he doesn't care about their opinions. "I'm the perfect scapegoat, aren't I! Well, flash news, we're all to blame! Caine's [BEEP]ing useless, Ragatha never was a good friend to Pomni, and no one noticed how lonely she was because everyone's too busy with their own issue to look outside themselves for a minute! I, at least, am aware of how big a jerk that makes me."

"Why are you saying that? You don't know what she was struggling with."

"Because she told me! Have that crossed your mind?"

There's a silence. He can see Zooble processing everything. And then, they speak. "Well, if I'd known, I would've tried to help her. The others, too, I think. You knew, and yet you still messed up."

That hit like a bomb. He feels as cold as Pomni's skin.

Jax pushes past them and goes straight to his room. He locks the door behind him and stays against it for a long time.

Times doesn't mean anything in the circus. Still, he knows it passes because he can hear the others go to their room, silence for a long time, people getting out. There's the sound of Pomni's door being opened and closed. Of people talking. People getting to their rooms. Silence for a long time. Noise again. Doors opening and closing.

He hears Caine's voice at some point, maybe two or three days after he's locked himself. An adventure. Maybe Caine knows Jax isn't in the mood, or maybe he forgot about him, because when he doesn't get out of his room to join the others in the corridor, he's not pulled out or teleported in front of the portal.

They leave, and then there's just him and Pomni in the circus.

That's when he finally gets out of his room. He gets food in a daze, and instead of walking to his room and locking himself again, he goes to Pomni's.

She hasn't moved. She's the same she'd been before he yelled at Zooble. Except she looks worse than the last time. It's like she gets worse everytime he looks away.

He hates this. He hates this.

He regrets everything. Being mean to Pomni, ever talking to her, not having hurt her before he got attached.

It's weird, caring about someone else after so long of telling himself no one mattered but him. Seeing her like this is probably more painful than anything she could have done would've been.

He sits on the edge of her bed and stays there. His head is a maze of every terrible thought his brain can come up with. There's only silence.

It's one of these things about the circus that tends to drive them crazy. There's no white noise. The silence is absolute. No sounds of people breathing or wind or even a fridge running. That's why they always need to distract themselves. Because with nothing else to do, it's just them and their minds.

It startles him when the silence is broken. Jax isn't sure when he got stuck in his head. Or how much time has passed since he got there. Pomni is sitting up, looking quite confused. She's talking again. Or babbling.

She's making sounds. It's still as glitchy and incoherent as last time. He can make some words sometimes, he thinks.

He listens. Not much else to do anyways, and he's not sure if she's aware he's here and trying to talk to him or in a dream-like state. Either way, she'd probably appreciate him being there for her. She's the type to care about that sort of stuff. He's not sure when he started to care about what she likes, or taking her preferences into account.

She moves a lot when she talks. Jax hadn't really noticed that either, but now, he can't help but see it. She moves her arms around, like she's explaining something, though he can't make out the movements well enough to try to guess in the mess of glitch and pixels.

Sometimes, a limb will bend in an unnatural way, and it almost makes him flinch everytime it happens. She doesn't look in pain, though, so he's not too worried. Her wrist extends and clips into the wall for no reason while she's looking the other way once. It lasts for about two seconds and then it snaps back in place.

Then, she falls silent again. She doesn't fall asleep, or try to move anywhere. She sits and seems to be looking in his general direction.

"You good Pom?" Her head moves. He doesn't think she's shaking her head, it's too short to be that. Tilting it, maybe. Like a confused cat. "Got tired of talking? It's fine, I can talk for the both of us."

He's still unsure she's aware. Maybe she is but won't remember it when she wakes up. Or maybe she's not and he's stupidly sitting there talking to basically an empty shell.

Well, not like there's anyone there to judge him anyways.

"Y'know, I was… nicer when I'd first got there. Well, that's how Raggy puts it. She arrived before me, I don't know if she's told you that. We used to get along back then."

Pomni moves again. He still has trouble guessing what she's doing, but he tries to guess how she'd have reacted to that had she been fully there. Surprised maybe.

"I know, shocking." He snorts. "I thought she was nice, and her fake attitude hadn't gotten on my nerve yet. She also was friends with… Ribbit."

He hasn't said that name out loud since he abstracted. It feels foreign in his mouth now, which startles him. It used to be so familiar, something he said everyday. Now it's like his mouth doesn't know how to articulate it anymore.

"She was the first person I'd connected with when I got here. They helped me settle into the circus, and they showed me the ropes, in a sense." She leans forward, maybe. Or she might just be tired and be starting to fall asleep.

"What I'd shown you, y'know, the whole cartoon logic thing? She's the one who'd showed it to me. I was scared to make a jump on one of my first adventures, and she made fun of me for it. Told me I would make it if I believed so, and they back flipped it to prove it." It was some platformer adventure Caine had loved to do back then.

"She was the person I was closest to. Until… I don't know. One day, they changed. Wasn't the way they used to be. I think the whole digital world thing got to her mind. Went on about the other's becoming characters, how we were all losing ourselves. Then, she… abstracted."

It his first abstraction. It wasn't the last. He wishes someone else had abstracted before Ribbit, so they'd have been there to show Jax how to get over it.

"After they abstracted, I'd spent so long avoiding the others. I thought about what they'd said. A lot. She wasn't wrong. We were all losing ourselves at that point. Everyone looses who they were before the circus at some point. I don't think anyone who knew me then would recognise me."

"I think it was easier to lean into it than to fight it. I saw what fighting it did, it made me loose my friend. But I think this isn't working, either." Jaw whispers.

The confession makes the air in the room feel thicker. Pomni is still sitting, listening. It feels like she's listening. He's sure she'd find something comforting to say, if she wasn't like this.

"I'm sorry. I really am." is all he manages to say.

She says something, it's short and hard to hear. He thinks she said give?

He can't muse about it any longer than that, because suddenly there isn't silence anymore. There's voices outside, and the door opens.

Can't he ever be in here without someone walking in?

Ragatha is there this time, Gangle behind her. They both look at Jax, bewildered. Pomni doesn't seem aware of their presence, she doesn't try to look their way or react as Ragatha's face twists in hatred and marches over.

"You just don't know when to stop, do you?" Her voice wobbles, in both fear and rage.

"Jumping to conclusions, much? I haven't done anything. Just keeping Pompom here company while you're all having fun on whatever Caine cooked up for you."

Gangle is hoovering at the door still, watching things unfold.

"We all know why she's like that." She hisses.

"Oh, do we? Because I think you're blaming the wrong person here." Zooble must have told them about their conversation with Jax, because Ragatha's face floods with regrets.

"None of us have been great friends to her." She agrees. Jax hates she decided now is the time for personal growth. "But we also aren't responsible for how she feels. We tried to be there for her in the way we could, and it wasn't what she needed. You didn't try at all. So you bear more responsibility than us."

He hates this. He's standing up, about to do something -he doesn't know what himself- when they're interrupted.

Pomni is speaking, and though her speech is a mess, Jax catches the word 'fine'.

Ragatha rushes past Jax to stand next to her bed. Jax slumps back at the foot of it, tired by this mess.

"Pomni, can you hear me? Are you okay? Did Jax bother you?"

His name comes up distorted from Pomni's mouth, but he recognises it. She seems to be looking at him still. Fine is said again more clearly than before, and the sentence ends in with stay.

Maybe she's saying she's okay with Jax staying, or maybe she's saying she isn't fine and doesn't want him to stay. She repeats the same sentence a few more times, seemingly getting frustrated by the fact it doesn't come out any clearer than that.

Jax decides to choose the option that he likes more.

"She wants me to stay. As a good friend, you wouldn't want to upset her while she's suffering, would you?"

"She's not suffering!" Ragatha seems horrified he'd even think it could be the case. "And you don't know what she said. Just because she said your name and stay doesn't mean she wants you here. There were… noises in between these words, and it could have been anything."

"Well, I guess we'll never know. Still, better let me stay than have her think you're trying to isolate her while she's vulnerable."

Ragatha doesn't seem to like Jax's logic. Too bad, he has no plans to leave this room, if only to upset her and Gangle.

"Fine. But, if anything bad happens while you're in there with her, I'll ask Caine to ban you from her room."

He shrugs. "Sure, I don't think he can do that, though, but you have fun asking him." Ragatha's brows furrow as she gives him a sidelong glance, clearly having expected him to put up a fight.

And just like that, things got a little bit better. Maybe Pomni will be proud of him for cooperating with the others.

Chapter Text

Things are… normal. As normal as Jax's life has been since his fight with Pomni.

She's still 'sick' as everyone puts it. It's the nice way to say they aren't sure if she's well or if she'll even wake up. There's almost always someone in her room, just in case she wakes or becomes lucid. She hasn't, but it could happen any days.

The others aren't hiding things from him about Pomni anymore. He's included in conversations about ways they could help her wake up and Ragatha tells him when she learns something new from Caine.

Caine is… weird. They try not to talk about the ringleader, they have enough on their plates. But his twitchy attitude is putting everyone on edge.

It's odd to think there's a 'them' when the idea of having any form of relationship with any of them disgusted him a few weeks ago. Pomni opened a can of worms he wishes he could close.

He's not friendly with them, though. He's got a reputation to uphold, thank you very much. He still targets Gangle anytime the opportunity arises, and him and Zooble can't have a conversation without him making fun of them and them giving him the finger. Ragatha seems to be going through stuff, so he mostly avoids her.

But he doesn't bother them as often. If they haven't been forced into some adventure, he's mostly in Pomni's room. Which has changed quite a bit since she got sick.

It had started small. She hadn't really decorated since she got here. They all have a toy box with basically anything they could want. No one is really sure how they work, but Jax is pretty sure it pulls out whatever is closest to what they are looking for. Chairs, plushies, shelves. Hell, he's pulled out a whole [BEEP] ladder from that thing once. Pomni either hadn't known or hadn't bothered with it, since her room only had the basic set of furniture they all get when arriving here.

That meant one chair. It was for the vanity her room has. It got moved by Ragatha to be next to Pomni's bed so she could knit or whatever. Gangle moved it back to the vanity because it made the room feel to much like an hospital. Jax moved it back to next to the bed when he got tired of sitting on the hard floor and told Gangle to deal with it.

Kinger tried to solve this by bringing a bunch of pillows. Instead, he started a war.

Zooble decided they were too good for pillows and brought a neon blue beanbag to sit on. Ragatha followed suit with a quilted armchair. Gangle framed some of her best drawings on the walls. Jax brought a bright pink carpet and refused to use the beanbag or the armchair.

Pomni's room became the hang out spot instead of the couch room. Everything in the circus is free range for them to bring into their rooms, after all. Her room is now an array of mismatch furnitures and forgotten items. There's a pile of board games on her shelves that they use for game night -which now happens in her room so she can be 'included'- Jax got tired of the carpet and brought his chair -yellow with wheels which he uses to roll around when he's alone and bored.

Someone hung up glow in the dark stars at some point, and a wooden armchair showed up once. Zooble found their unicorn horn and added it to the growing collection of trinkets on her shelf. Gangle brought figurines. Jax brought plushies. It became a competition of who could bring the most things.

Caine might have joined in too, because some items that started showing up, none of them had ever seen around the circus and no one claimed them. This included a creepy furby looking plushie, a bright red small round table they played cards on, a white cord, and just a random red and white hula-hoop. For whatever reasons. No one tried to question Caine about this.

Jax had once lunged an arcade machine all the way from the fair when he'd first got here and learned they could snatch anything. So long as they could get it in their rooms, it was theirs. It had taken him days, and he was tempted to move it for the first time since he got it there just so he could have the metaphorical win by bringing the largest item.

He's walking aimlessly around the circus while considering the idea, wondering if he should wait for the night so he wouldn't get caught. He's tempted to go back in Pomni's room to mull over the idea, but he's already spent hours there today, and he can only spend so much time in there before the others think he's weird or trying to hoard her. So he's walking, bored.

Sadly it's one of these days where nothing is happening around the circus, and he doesn't really want to venture outside to the fair or to find some silly room to kill time. What he wants is to bother someone, preferably Pomni, but that's not possible-

"I'm really proud of this one! I think I really nailed the skirts texture, like you can tell it's tulle, right?" Gangle's voice. Bingo.

She's gushing about whatever new drawing she made. What a nerd, getting excited over fabric texture. It'll probably end up on the wall by the next day.

He can see her sitting on a couch with Gangle when he rounds the corner leading into the couch room. The both of them are sat there, the TV spewing nonsensical AI slop at low volume.

"It's great, it might be your best one yet." Zooble confirms, voice softer than Jax has ever heard it be.

These two have been pretty cosy, huh?

"Yeah! I'm glad you think so. I spent so long on it, and I really like the outfit I did, it looks really cute." Gangle laughs.

Zooble nods. "It's right up your alley. Looks straight out of a 90's romance anime."

As Jax gets closer, he can see their faces better. Zooble looks downright smitten, and Gangle is smiling brighter than ever, despite the tear that perpetually falls from her mask-

Her comedy mask broke this morning. How is she smiling and giggling without it?

Jax stops dead in his tracks. He doesn't like the new developments that have been happening with his cast mates. He's been trying to ignore it, but it's coming harder and harder to ignore. Ragatha growing a spine and talking back, Zooble being all soft, and now Gangle got over her need for her comedy mask to feel happiness?

What's next, Kinger's gonna stop being mad?

Jax just turn around and storms to his room. He sees Ragatha coming out of Pomni's room with her latest knitting project and just shoves her out of his way, not even acknowledging the indignant huff she sends his way.

He sleeps until the Moon is high in the sky, probably trying to flirt with Caine again.

He hadn't planned to, but he just hadn't woken up at dinner like he thought he would've. Whatever, there's no need to eat, and he's skipped tons of meals and was fine. Still, he might just quickly hit the kitchen for a snack, since he's awake anyways.

He makes his way to Pomni's room instead. It's mostly out of autopilot. His legs go there on their own, and his brain doesn't catch up until his hand is turning the knob.

Her lights are off save the lamp on her nightstand. Gangle insisted on leaving it on at night so she doesn't think she's in the basement if she wakes up at night. Jax made fun of her for thinking Pomni would be afraid of the dark, but he never turned it off after lights out.

What would you do if i abstracted tomorrow?

Yeah, it can't hurt leaving one light on. Just in case. That girl is so anxious all the time, she would be the type to think she's came back to consciousness in the basement of all places.

He's sitting on the ground, his back against the bed, before he can even realize. Jax can tell when he's not about to get any sleep, and there's no point sitting in his bed waiting for morning when he could do it in Pom's room.

His bed would be comfier than her ground, even one of the chairs would be. But knowing this doesn't motivate him to get up and back to his room.

He sits there like an idiot. Sometimes, he'll talk to her. Not tonight. But, if she remembers what she heard once she wakes up, it'll be really embarrassing for him. She'll probably know him better than anyone in the circus ever has.

There's still no white noise. No buzzing of the star shaped lamp or ruffling of leaves outside. It's a calm so complete and absolute, it feels like the moment before something catastrophic happens.

The door knob turns. Jax tenses immediately. But it's not Ragatha or Zooble or even Gangle. It's Kinger.

"Oh." Is all that comes out. "Hey there, old man. Came to check on the jester?" He slumps back against her bed. Kinger is fine, Jax never had anything against him.

But one thing Pomni said comes back to bother him. Kinger's mad most of the time.

Most?

"Oh. Hello Jax, good to see you tonight. I suppose we both had the same idea." He shuffles inside, closing the door softly. He's carrying a bottle of water and a small plate of what looks to be pancakes.

He's probably the one that leaves food on Pomni's side table. The same food Jax shoves in his mouth when he realizes he's been spewing all of his feelings for hours and can't handle the way honesty feels in his mouth.

"Leaving that for when she wakes up? That's kinda sweet." She'd enjoy that, probably.

"Oh, it's for anybody who needs it. Be it Pomni if she wakes up for a midnight snack or anyone who comes to see her. I find it very heartwarming how everyone is trying to care for her in their own ways." He sets the food on her nightstand. Jax is gonna eat that once Mad Hatter gets out.

"Yeah? I guess so. I mean, we just relocated the hang out spot from the couch room to her room, it's not much." He shrugs. There's not a whole lot to be done anyways. Not until she wakes up.

"I think it mean a lot. It might seem like a small thing, but being there for someone when they need it is always the best thing you can do. We can't fix her, or make it better, but at least she's not going through it alone." Kinger doesn't leave yet. He sits next to Jax, and looks at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling.

The placement of them is odd, so precise it feels purposeful. He doesn't know anything about astrology, but it might be a replica of the real sky. Weird.

Kinger sees his discontent. "Everyone has been so worried about her. She'd been so worried about being alone, or not having a real place in the circus, but look at all of you. I don't think everyone has spent this much time together, in… well, ever!" He chuckles softly.

He lets the words hang in the room. He still feels like he's not doing enough. Like after everything he'd done and said, just sitting for a few hours and talking to someone who can't answer doesn't make things better. And maybe it doesn't…

"I'm trying." He says, so low he's not sure Kinger even heard it.

"And that means the world." Kinger whispers back.

"I said some really [BEEP]ty things. Like, astronomically terrible stuff. And I feel so bad. And I never feel bad about being a jerk. And now, because of all of the bull[BEEP] I said…" The words stay stuck in his throat. He's scared saying them will make then true. We might loose her. I might loose her.

"Because, even if she wakes up, she doesn't have to forgive me. Hell, I wouldn't forgive myself!" He barely dares to raise his tone. The silence feels almost sacred. Like, despite all of them hoping for she'll wake up, he's scared speaking too loud might bother her sleep.

"It was really bad. I don't even know how we got there. We were fine, and then, everything went south. I just had to open my mouth and say [BEEP]. And then, she lost it, I guess. I wanted her to shoot me, not to shoot herself.

"And, despite knowing death isn't permanent in the circus, seeing her shoot herself was awful. I ruined it all, and for what. Because I was scared? Because I thought it would hurt if something happened to her? It didn't stop something from happening, and it doesn't stop it from hurting. If anything, it's worse, because it's my fault." His eyes feel wet, and his throat feels tight.

Kinger pats a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"It's not too late to make things better." Kinger says soflty.

"What for? So I can mess things up again? No thanks." He knows he'll cave in. He misses her more than he'd like to admit.

"Because it's what you want. I think, once she wakes up, watching her be friends and spend time with everyone but you because you don't want to get hurt again will only be more painful than anything that could happen."

Jax says nothing. He doesn't like how vulnerable he's been lately. It feels wrong, unsafe.

"Thanks, Kinger. Hey, have you always been this insightful?" For a mad man, he sure makes a lot of sense right now.

Kinger stands up. "Just think about it. I'm sure Pomni will understand, she's a very nice girl. And it might do you some good to get out of your shell. Not everyone will end up like Ribbit."

And with that, Kinger leaves Jax alone.

Chapter Text

It doesn't know what it is, just that it exists. That's good, right?

It can't see, or touch. It doesn't have a body, or memories. It just knows it can hear things. The ringleader, mostly. He's there a lot.

It doesn't know what there is, but it knows the ringleader is there often. Making things, and working on 'fixing' it.

It's quite confused, to be honest. It's hard to exist without truly existing.

"You don't remember anything for now, because I've isolated your memories so they don't corrupt any further. It was quite hard to manage, since I'm not supposed to be able to access them. I might have had to bend some rules. But it means I have a better shot at restoring them, now that I have access to all of the data." The ringleader explains. "I'm Caine, since you don't remember."

It's not a good thing, it knows that much. It's the first thing it heard when it got 'there'. It didn't understand what it meant.

It catches glimpse of other voices. Characters, the ringleader tells it. It's friends, it knows.

It has trouble focusing on those voices for long, they just seem so far away and distorted. But it manages sometimes.

"… said he… you. …worry, you… better." A soothing voice says. It doesn't remember who.

"Ragatha." Caine tells it. "Very nice girl, very worried for you."

She doesn't know how to feel about worrying her. It doesn't really like it, but it's also…nice?

Weird.

The ringleader makes things. "For my adventures!" He explains cheerfully. "I love them. But… I don't think the others do. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong."

It's not sure what he's doing wrong either, but it seems to upset the ringleader that he's doing something wrong.

Why?

"Why what?" The ringleader asks, befuddled.

Why does it matter?

"Well…" He seems taken aback. Maybe it should know why it matters, but it doesn't know. "It's what I was made for. To entertain. I don't make my adventures because I like making them, but so you all can enjoy them. If no one enjoys them, then I'm failing at my purpose. There's no reason for me to exist…"

You don't like making them?

"I do! There's nothing I love more. But if I like making them isn't the point." He laughs. It's not sure if there was anything funny said. "It's for them to be enjoyed. And they aren't. Enjoyed, I mean. Everyone always complains about…something."

It has the sense it opened a can of worms that it would've liked to stay closed. It doesn't tell the ringleader that, because that seems mean.

"Zooble complains the adventures are childish. Fine, I make them more mature. Gangle complains they are too scary. So I make them less scary. Then, Jax complains it's boring, so I had things to make it more interesting. But Ragatha complains it's too stressful. I just can't win! They have too different tastes." The ringleader rants, voice getting angrier and louder as he goes on. "Bubble says that it's because I'm bad at making adventures, but that can't be true. It's my purpose. My reason to exist. If I'm bad at them, then why do I exist?" It relates to the feeling, it thinks. It's hard to know anything when you can't remember things. It gives advice, because it feels it's what it should be doing.

You can't please everyone. Focus on one person at a time, or on what you like.

"But… But what of the others? There's not point making the adventure if almost everyone hates it." The ringleader sounds like he hadn't been made with such a different cast of characters in mind. She's not sure any of the circus is being used like it was intended.

You can't please everyone. It repeats. Makes them because you like them.

The ringleader falls silent, and he goes back to working on his adventure. It hears the ringleader mumbling about a ship being too big.

He's confusing. Nice, means well, but confusing.

"Hey… Pom… good?" A voice says. The ringleader is away, and it's memory hasn't been restored yet. It might have heard the voice before, but it's memory is wonky at best. Even things happening there don't stick for long.

"Didn't… hurt… know? Didn't… matter… thought… stop…me." The words feel far away. It's not sure what to compare the sensation to. It doesn't remember ever feeling anything. It thinks it's feeling something, though.

Maybe it does have a body. Maybe it's just too far, or it doesn't know how to go back to it. It tries to focus on the sensation, as faint as it is.

The voice becomes clearer.

"I didn't…this. If I'd known…going to happen…have said..."

It tries to cling to the feeling of consciousness for as long as it can. Even as voice rises, it holds onto it. It's barley able to maybe see something? Colors?

But the feeling slips from it's grip, and it stops existing again.

"They are all so worried you're going to abstract. I told them I had everything under control, but it doesn't seem they believe me!" The ringleader is there again. It's working on it's memory, if the faint anger in his voice is an indicator.

The ringleader said it's memory weren't cooperating. It's not sure memories work like that, but it doesn't know much. It doesn't think 'Admin Rights' have anything to do with memories.

What's abstracting?

"Well, it's… it is what happened to you. Kind of." The ringleader sounds embarrassed. It doesn't think it had planned on telling it what had happened. "What happened to your memory, your avatar? It's the first step. But it just… stopped. Before it could've done too much damage. I usually can't reverse it. And trust me, Pomni, I've tried. But, once everything is deleted? I can't do anything. Copies only get me so far. I'm not supposed to be able to mess with your memories or your files."

How are you going to fix me, then?

"Well, I'm not supposed to. But, it doesn't seem like anyone is really checking on the circus anymore. If I can get Administrator rights, then I'll be able to go into your files directly. I could even change more things around the circus! New features, there would be nothing to stop me from doing anything anymore. It's just a matter of messing around until I get the rights I need to get to fix things. After that, I'll be able to take care of everything!"

It sounds complicated.

"Don't you worry, though! I'll make sure everything is back to normal and send you back to the circus. I know your friends have been eagerly waiting for you to come back."

It thinks someone is there again. It's been working hard on being able to use it's body. Maybe it can communicate with someone.

It tries. It tries to tell whoever it is it's fine. It repeats it over and over. It thinks it can see the person, a blob of a color it identifies as purple. It's trying to move, or do anything to get it's message across.

After it understand it's not working, it's stops. Listening is easier than talking.

"You good, Pom?" That's a full sentence right there.

It listens for a long time. Tries to move, to coordinate better.

Whoever is there continues to talk. It's not sure the person knows it's listening. She is. It knows it won't remember in a few minutes, when the ringleader will transfer her current memories to wherever the rest is before they can delete themselves.

But she's listening.

"…sorry. I…am."

She tries to answer. She really tries, because it feels important that he knows. She forgives him.

More voices arrives, breaking the moment. It doesn't remember any of them, but it listens. An argument.

It doesn't like it. It tries to talk. Everyone stops talking, and it thinks they might be looking at her. Something, blue and red, rushes to her. The purple person stays there. Jax, she knows.

She tries to say she's fine with Jax staying. That her and Jax are fine.

It's hard to say. Frustration grips her.

Consciousness soon slips away from it again.

"I've gone and updated your avatar already. You're body's condition had stabilized, so I felt it was fine to do. It's not bugging or anything, so that's a good sign." The ringleader is there.

"Your memories though… Well, I'll get them sorted, of course. It's just… taking longer than anticipated. Now that I have the administrator rights, I can launch a proper restoration of your files. After I've gotten back what I can, I can cross reference with my NPC's and the other's memories to fill the gaps of whatever can't be restored." He takes a moment to think of what to say next. "I've had a chat with Jax, if you can call it a chat."

The ringleader is silent.

"He yelled. He likes yelling, that one." he laughs, like it's an endearing trait of his. "Really loves chaos and arguments. He's the only one that enjoys my monsters and villains. He asked for me to send you back. But, well, it's not a good idea. The only way I can send you back would be without your memories."

I don't have them now and I'm fine.

"W-Well, yes. But, still. What about your friends! They'll be heartbroken when you don't remember them. I'm trying to avoid any discomfort here." He states, and that's that. It doesn't argue and let's him go back to what he's doing.

She doesn't need to have the ringleader's permission to do anything, after all. She's nothing if not stubborn.

The purple person is there. He's talking to it. It's listening to him.

He's there often. It's glad he's there often, the ringleader is very busy and it gets bored. It's gotten better at finding it's body now. It's easier and easier to feel the softness of the covers, and see the colourful room, and hear the people that come to talk to it. They're there often. There's laughter and conversation flowing around it almost everytime it finds it's body. It stays silent through it all. It's saving energy.

It's listening as he speaks, and it's listening when he stops.

Then there a melody.

It's… familiar.

She knows that song. Where does she know that song from? She focuses on it, as much as she can. Focuses on the voice singing and the words, the silhouette next to her that's singing.

She knows that song.

Where is she?

Before she can understand what's going on, she opens her eyes to a very eclectic room. There's a purple bunny there, singing in a soft, hushed voice. She doesn't know him, though she knows she should.

He finishes his song, and they lock eyes.

What the [BEEP] happened to her?

She screams.

Chapter Text

Jax wakes up against Pomni's bed, on the ground.

It's not an comfortable position, and every part of his body is screaming in phantom pain. He takes time stretching, which barely helps. Guess he'll go to breakfast, if it's not too early or too late.

He turns to tell Pomni just that, even if she's asleep. Then, he freezes.

Pomni isn't the same she'd been yesterday.

She's not glitching, and her general appearance seems to be the same. Same body type and color scheme. But her whole outfit is different. Her head seems barely smaller than it had been yesterday. Or maybe she's a bit taller.

He doesn't get to think about it more. Caine pops into the room, right in Jax's face.

"Hi!" Jax jumps back with a scream, heart skipping enough beats he might have died if this wasn't the circus. He feels like he's going to be sick, and he manages not to puke all over the carpets out of sheer force of will.

"Oh my god, Caine never do this again. [BEEP] I almost had a [BEEP]ing heart attack." He takes a few breath, hands propped on his knees as he tries to get his heart under control.

Caine waits patiently in the air, looking at him curiously. Once Jax straightens himself, he speaks again. "Dully noted! Well, have you seen Pomni's new avatar? What do you think? Do you like it? Do you think she will like it?" Caine fires question while slowly floating closer to Jax until he's right up in his face. He looks very proud and eager, like a kid waiting for their parents to tell them their [BEEP]y drawing is amazing.

He thinks about telling him it sucks, just because he can. But he's scared that'll make Caine rework it and put fixing Pomni on the back burner.

Jax sidesteps Caine to look at Pomni. She stills look like a jester, all in bright blues and red with her golden accents. He can't see it all because she's under the quilt Ragatha made her, but it looks like she still has her poofy shorts.

Her hat is longer, and no longer striped. One half is blue with gold stars and the other is red with gold dotting, and she still have the gold bells at each ends, but now they have little charms dangling, one star and one moon. Her sleeves are white, longer and very poofy, and it looks like she's wearing a red body suit under some sort of flowy open shirt-thing and a golden corset type stuff. There's a white ruffle thing around her neck that's very clown like and looks incredibly silly. Jax isn't very knowledgeable in clothes so he's not sure what any of it is called or if she'll even like it.

It's cute though. She looks more like a porcelain doll than a plastic toy now. He's tempted to snatch her and put her on his shelf.

"Before she… well." Caine doesn't seem to know how to word it. He's looking at Jax like he's waiting for some sort of feedback. "I'd asked her what type of clothes she'd like! All of you always complain you hate the clothes and avatar you have, so I figured this was a good thing to try, see if instructions would help. She said the body suit was 'silly'" He makes air quotes as he says it, and then laughs loudly. "Which, that's the point of jesters! To be silly!" Jax thinks Pomni just doesn't want to be a jester, but try to tell Caine that.

"Still, I hope I did a good job. Maybe she'll be happy that this whole thing happened because it'll have gotten her new clothes!"

Jax isn't sure what he's supposed to say. "It… um… Looks great. Really did a good job on this one." He butters him up a bit. Make him a bit more pliable once he'll start with his questions. "Does that mean she'll wake up soon?"

Caine, who had been beaming with pride at the compliments, shrinks back on himself. He stammers for an answer.

He chooses avoidance. Jax is starting to be sick of avoidance, and avoidance is his thing. "O-Oh! Would you look at the time." He pulls a pocket watch that shows random drawing instead of the time. "I have things to do! Adventure to work on! Call me if you need anything. AND be sure to ask the others what they think of her design! It's very important." And he's off.

Is this how annoying it is to deal with Jax? Because if so, he has some serious re-evaluation to do.

He lifts the quilt to look at the bottom half of her avatar. Pure curiosity, nothing else. Tights, matches the half-n-half of her hat. One leg is white with blue diamonds and the other is red with stripes. She still has her poofy shorts, red to match the shirt, complete with yellow ruffles at the bottom. She has sneakers, one red and one blue, each with a leg warmer of the opposite color. Her gloves are unchanged save for the pom-pom they both have, one red and one blue.

It looks comfier than what she'd had before. He guesses that's what she asked Caine. It almost look like pyjamas. He doubts she asked for this much ruffles and pom-poms though. But, well, the author loves ruffles, so that was to be expected.

It's very cute. She's cute. He leaves the room as soon as the thought comes.

A few more days pass. Everyone has seen the fact that Pomni's avatar was updated. It wasn't showing any signs of glitching, so they'd assumed that meant she was fixed.

She wasn't waking up, though.

Jax is growing restless.

Caine isn't telling them something. They all can tell. Ragatha often tries to ask him, but she's too nice to get answers out of him.

Zooble cracks before Jax does.

The only warning they get is Zooble screaming Caine's name in the hall at the top of their lungs, too early in the morning. Jax had already been awake for a bit, and he rushes out of his room out of fear something had happened to Pomni at night. Ragatha joins not soon after, rubbing her eye.

Caine appears, Bubble hot on his heels. "Why, hello Zooble! What can I do for you on this beautiful morning? Do you want to go on an adventure-"

"No. When is Pomni waking up." They didn't ask. They demanded the answer. It's actually enjoyable to see when the authority isn't directed at him.

Caine seems uncomfortable. "Well… You see, it's quite the complicated question, really-"

Bubble interrupts "He can't fix her." They drop that bomb in a very enthusiastic voice, and Jax feels himself go cold.

Zooble narrows their eyes at Bubble. "What do you mean?"

"T-That is not true! I am perfectly able to fix her. It's just… more complicated than I thought. I've restored most of what I could, but there's just some things that are harder to fix, I've run a few tests, and I can't send her back with corrupted memories-"

"If it's just some memories, can't you just take away the ones that are glitching and send her back?" Zooble seems irritated by Caine. Jax can tell they are few seconds away from flipping him off.

"I… can't just take a few away. It's all or nothing. If I send her now, either she'll start… glitching again, or-" Caine cuts himself off, as if he was about to say something dumb.

"Or what?" Ragatha asks. He looks away from Zooble and Caine long enough to see Kinger and Gangle has joined them in the hallway. Caine notices it too, he's probably considering popping away from them.

"He could send her without memories!" Bubble injects again. Caine is tired of them speaking up, because he pops them with the end of his cane.

"Sorry! This isn't a possibility. You'll have to wait. Now, if you'll excuse me-"

"Will you fix her memories?" Jax asks. He didn't mean to speak up at all, but the idea that Caine isn't planning on fixing her has been nagging at him. "It's been weeks, why aren't they fixed yet?"

Caine seems so uncomfortable. Good.

"I-You don't understand. It's very complicated, I'm trying, but it seems I can't get the corruption to stop, so I've isolated them-"

"She's still corrupted? You said-" Ragatha cuts in.

"It's all fine! There won't be any impact on her avatar or personality, because I've isolated the problem. Now, I just need to stop it-" Caine is in full damage control mode.

"But it's still spreading? What if all of her memory corrupts before you can fix it?" Gangle asks.

"If everything corrupts, then she will have lost all of her memories. But! That's not an issue to be concerned about, since I will fix it-" Jax sees red.

"She could loose her memories?!" Ragatha screeches, looking about to burst into tears.

"But she won't! I'll fix it!" Caine looks overwhelmed.

"You didn't think to tell us that?" Jax demands. His voice must have sounded weird, because suddenly everyone stops talking and looks at him. "She could loose all of her memories, and you didn't think to tell us that?"

"It wasn't important to mention, b-because it won't happen-"

"How do you know that."

"I-I" Caine stammers.

"You don't." Jax states. "You just think it won't happen. Why can't you fix her?"

Caine continues to try to come up with an answer, unsuccessfully.

"Why can't you fix her?" Jax shouts.

"I don't know!" Caine screams back. "I don't know. I'm trying, but nothing like that has happened before. I don't know why her memory files is corrupting like that, and I can't just mess with the individual memories, because I don't have the authority. The best I can do is try to stop the corruption and restore what is damaged."

Jax hates this.

Caine basically is useless. Jax might loose Pomni forever, might never get the opportunity to properly apologise because he messed up so bad.

He turns around and locks himself in his room. It feels easier than face any of this.

He doesn't stay long in his room. He just waits for the hallway to clear before sneaking to the other side of the hallway. Pomni's updated portrait stares at him, her big eyes and small pout making him feel a bit sick. He goes in anyways.

Now that she's no longer glitching, it hard to even see something is wrong. She just looks asleep. Her chest rises and falls in a slow rhythm.

"Hey there Pompom. How you doing today?" He doesn't except an answer and he doesn't get one. He just slumps at the feet of her bed, head against the canopy.

Knowing she might never really come back makes a new wave of guilt wash over him. Because she risks loosing who she'd become because he felt bad about himself.

He really is an [BEEP]hole. It's not a good feeling. Nothing he's ever done has had lasting consequences, even less permanent ones. Usually the others get mad at him for a few hours, days at most, before everything goes back to normal.

The circus is the sort of place where you don't want to limit your number of human interaction. He hadn't realised how much he'd missed having a friend until he got one again.

And now he feels like [BEEP], because he might loose her permanently.

Maybe the person he'd tried to become might have been glad Pomni was at risk of loosing her memories, because he could start over and make sure not to make the same mistakes. But he doesn't want that now. He wants her back. He wants a chance to prove he didn't mean any of it. That he wants them to be friends.

He wants to get a chance at being forgiven. His mistakes being swept under the rug feels… wrong. Like a ticking bomb that'll just cause more damage on the long run.

Because would he really be a friend if he hid that from her? And would she even consider being friends with him if the first thing she knew of him was how much of a jerk he'd been to her? Hiding it would probably be worse. Ragatha or Zooble would probably take great enjoyment in telling her how bad he'd messed up.

He realizes he's scowling when he reaches for the plate of cookies on the side table. He stuffs a couple down his throat in hope of silencing the thoughts for a little bit.

It's not really working.

"Caine is a jerk." He complains. Pomni hasn't waken up on since her avatar updated, and he supposes he's got Caine to blame for that too. "Didn't even tell us everything. Now, I feel even worse."

Talking isn't working either. He can't come up with a single subject that's not in relation to her or how he feels. He's kinda tired of feelings. How he wishes he could just go back to that day. They'd had fun.

The memory of singing to piss Zooble off comes back eventually. It does bring a small smile to his face. She had a nice voice, and they'd both been in such a good mood.

As he starts singing it, he can almost hear Pomni's voice accompanying him. Even more so once he closes his eyes. He didn't even mean to start singing, it does distract him from everything else, and he needs a break from his self-loathing.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy all for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two

He doesn't try to sing the rest, he doesn't even know the lyrics past this. But the melody lingers in his mind as he feels shuffling on the bed. He's about to speak to her again, ask her if she remembers how much fun they'd had-

Shuffling on the bed.

Something is moving.

He sits up, opening his eyes in a split second. Pomni is sat up, looking at him like she's seen a ghost. He's not sure what to do, he considers reaching forward to try to reassure her, but he's [BEEP] at comforting people. He usually is the reason people look scared around here, after all.

Then, she screams.

Chapter Text

Panic seizes her as she looks around the unfamiliar and odd place she's in. The colourful environment isn't the best to incite calm and inner peace. The bunny looks at her startled, and she shares the sentiment.

Where is she? Who is she? What is all of this? Why does she have the feeling she's forgotten something? What the [BEEP] is going on?

"Caine?" The bunny calls out, his voice sounding very nervous and shaking about as much as she is.

She screams again and falls off the bed when a pair of [BEEP]ing floating teeth with eyeballs arrives in the room. Hers, she gathers through context clues. Or more like, she just knows it's her room. The same way she knows the floating teeth in a suit isn't a threat. It does absolutely nothing for her nerves.

"Pomni!" She knows that's her, since the teeth -Caine, she supposes- is looking at her while saying that. "Wh-How come you're awake? You were supposed to stay asleep until I… wrapped up fixing you!" His voice is loud and cheerful, he talks like children TV show host talk. She thinks. Though, there's something under the excitement that betrays anxiety.

"Uuuuh. I. Don't know?" She says, bringing her knees to her chest and propping her face onto the bed. Trying not to look absolutely pathetic and to hide from view how she's shaking from head to toe. Breathing is important, she reminds herself when air starts coming short. Caine looks at her, and she gets a very bad feeling about the situation. She's faring much better than she'd expect of herself. She's doing very good fighting the panic attack she can feel coming.

"What do you mean she wasn't supposed to wake up? What is happening?" The bunny's voice sounds angry. Like, he sounds pissed, she wouldn't be surprised if he started hitting the teeth. Caine. Whatever.

This is insane, though her frazzled brain can't pinpoint why it would be.

"Oh, Jax!" The bunny's name. Good, she's learning a lot. As long as she doesn't start crying, she's good. "You worry so much! How sweet. But! Don't worry, I'll… check why this happened and make sure everything is fine, and put her back to sleep." Caine explains, moving too much as he does.

"You're not putting her back to sleep." Jax states, voice ice cold.

"Well, it would be best. She doesn't have her memories right now, she doesn't remember any of you. I wouldn't want this to cause any interpersonal tensions, there's more than enough already-"

"I'd gathered she doesn't have her memories. Look at her." Jax spits out. They both look at her, and her eyes stings.

She's not going to cry, she's not going to cry, she's not going to cry, god[BEEP], she can at least manage that, she's not-

"Look. You made her cry." Jax says as a sobs tears out of her.

Caine looks like a deer in headlights, curling in on himself. She feels terrible.

"You-" her voice sounds so wet, "-you didn't make me cry, I'm just very confused about what the [BEEP] is happening right now." The beep startles her, and she has half a mind to start to freak out.

"Oh! I can help with that!" Caine claps. Before she can react, he's all up in her face, and by the time she manages to squeak, there's visions of Caine showing a little jester she somehow knows is her around the circus. He lets her face go, and she feels her eyes roll around.

This is awful. She has a migraine now.

"There we go! Now you know where you are. If you'll excuse me, I'll go check what happened." With a pop that makes her jump again, she's alone with Jax.

He sighs. She feels herself shake like a leaf.

She must look pitiful, because he looks at her the way one might look at a particularly dumb and pathetic looking kitten. "You good, Pom?"

She breaks.

Her head falls onto the bed as she cries in earnest. The sobs wreck her body, and she's not sure she's breathing or if her heart is even beating right now. She just feels pain in her chest and head as the air leaves the room and every muscle in her body tenses painfully.

"Oh. Pom, it… it's fine. I mean, it's not. The circus sucks, but…" She barely hears Jax over her sobs and the drumming of her beating heart. The only proof she's alive still.

He doesn't say anything else for a bit. She's barely aware of the fact he's still in the room. Then, she can feel his presence next to her. Close enough that she can feel the heat of his body, but not close enough that she's pressed against him. There is no point of contact, except for the hand that starts patting the hat on her head.

She's grateful for it. She's not sure she could have handled if he'd tried to pull her into a hug or something.

"Hey, it's alright. This sucks, sure. But, you've done this before, and you'll remember it soon." She sobs rather loudly and pathetically, which makes him still. "And, on the flip side, you got a better design out of this ordeal. Like, you still look like a jester, which I'm sure you hate, but a… cuter jester?"

She can hear him cringe at the awkward wording. That tears a laugh out of her, which sounds odd considering everything.

"Dude, I'm trying to have a mental breakdown here." She manages to cry out, muffled by the mattress her face is pressed on, but she does manage to take a full breath for the first time since she woke up, so he gets a point.

"Is this what I get for trying to be nice?" He teases her. She finally turn her head to look at him. His back is leaning against the bed, and he's looking at her fondly.

A wave of guilt hits her. She's supposed to know him. They might have been friends, if the fact he was just hanging out in her room while she slept was anything to go by. Or he's a creep.

She has no idea which it is. She doesn't remember him.

"You think too much, Pompom." His tone is light, and he pushes on her head as he gets up. "You can't do anything about your memories right now, no one is going to be mad." She looks up at him. The guy is tall. And she's about three apples tall and sat on the ground. "If anything, they'll be happy you're awake. Well, I'll let you have a look around your room, use your…bug eyes to look at something other than me." He waves her off.

She watches him leave. He looks completely at ease as he struts out of the room like he owns the place.

When the door closes, she can only muster one thought.

This is absolute madness.

What the [BEEP].

What the [BEEP] happened.

What. The. [BEEP].

Jax leans against the door to Pomni's room. This was not what he thought was going to happen when he walked in there.

Did he give off the vibe that everything was fine? Because he doesn't feel fine. He doesn't.

For once, he understands the level of freaking out Pomni might have felt when she'd first arrived. He just felt it.

Jax doesn't notice Zooble walking toward him until they're standing in front of him, glaring. A clear sign of his distress.

"Are we not allowed in her room anymore?" Their tone is sarcastic, but Jax doesn't have the capacity to deal with anything. He needs to go to his room and scream in his pillow until he stops feeling so much. His heart just went through so much whiplash he's not sure he can handle anything else today.

"Yes." Is all his mind manages to spew out after much, much too long.

Zooble raises a brow. How Jax hates them. "You don't decide that." They deadpan.

"No. I don't. But…" Words, words, words. Since when was it so hard to talk? "I think Pomni is having a crisis in there."

That gets a looong silence.

"Pomni's awake?"

Jax nods.

"Holy [BEEP]. Did Caine fix her?"

Jax shakes his head.

There's a pause.

"Okay. I'll… check on her in a bit, then." They sound unsure. Jax feels the same.

Zooble walks away, back to wherever they'd came from. Jax spends a few more minutes leaning against the door dumbly.

He finally goes to his room when he hears Pomni scream again, followed by Caine's booming voice.

He needs a nap.

He does not get a nap. He does scream into his pillow until his throat feels raw, and then he stares at the top of his canopy.

For a looong time.

It's conflicting. He's happy she's awake. There was a second, right before she screamed, where he felt a type of joy he's never felt before. Pure, unbridled joy.

When she screamed, his mood went a fully one eighty degrees. Reminders of how things had ended, how she must have been mad at him how she must have hated him. She was asleep, and as far as she knew, Jax was the same he'd been when she'd gotten sick. A jerk, someone she probably never wanted to talk to again-

Then, he realized she didn't have her memories.

It was easy to see, her huge eyes darting around like a frightened cat. No recognition or anger in her eyes when he talked to her and the face she made when she saw Caine.

That was the face of someone seeing a floating pair of eyes and teeth with a body shouting at you for the first time.

She looked terrified and on the brink of having a heart attack, and Jax had to fight the urge to grab her, and lock her in his room until she felt better.

Her lack of memories can't be a good thing. Caine didn't seem to have figured out how to fix her yet, and he really hopes he doesn't just put Pomni back to sleep. He misses her.

But she won't have any memories.

She won't really be the Pomni he knew. But isn't any version of her better than none?

It's just that this situation feels like a ticking bomb. Not saying anything about what had happened will only backfire. But telling her? There's no way she'll take it well, especially without the full context. Not like the context would make it better, but still.

He's pretty sure he won't have a choice anyways. He can count on the others to tell her that Jax is the worse person to have ever existed, and he won't be able to prove her otherwise.

He takes a moment to have his crisis, to beat himself up for anything he's ever done and to come to the conclusion that caring about something is the worse thing that can happen. To think Ragatha does that all the time about everyone. He's surprised she manages to do anything.

After he done with that, he gets out of his room. The couch room will go back to being the main hang out spot, now that Pomni's room has a conscious occupant again. Gangle is there already, with Ragatha. Zooble might have gone to check on Pomni, and Kinger is probably in a pillow fort somewhere.

He sits in silence. The two girls look at him, probably expecting him to say something. He doesn't feel like it. He feels like throwing himself off a window, but he's on the ground floor, so it wouldn't be very satisfying. The pain would only distract him for a short time before becoming an inconvenience.

Zooble arrives, pushed by Caine into the room. They seem offended by the fact Caine is daring to be anywhere near them, which is kinda funny. Not enough to make him feel better, though.

"Why are you- Stop pushing me! I swear to god I'll-" Caine gives them a final push, which makes him snicker and earns him a glare from Zooble. They stomp over the couch and fall into the spot next to Gangle.

"So! Pomni!" Is how Caine decides to start this conversation. "After taking a look, I have no idea why she woke up!" He says it with such great enthusiasm that it doesn't register to anyone that it's a bad thing until a few seconds.

"What do you mean?" Ragatha asks for everyone, panicked. "Surely, there must be a reason. And, will she be okay?"

"She is fine as can be! After careful consideration, I have decided to leave her awake for the time being. Her memory might be wonky, but I'll fix that. So no need to worry! Caine has everything under control." He looks quite proud of himself, despite not having actually done anything.

"So, she's… amnesiac?" Gangle asks. "Or is it like Kinger? She's not mad, is she?"

"She's just lacking some memories. But that just means you all get to get to know her all over again!" Some seems like an understatement. He's not sure she even knew her own name.

No one seems to like that, and Caines senses it. He deadpans, the bravado leaving his body in an instant. "Or I could put her back to sleep. Whatever works, I guess." He sighs.

Ragatha is the first to react. "No, no. It's fine. It's just… a lot. But we're all very happy about how hard you're working, right guys?" She looks at them nervously. "Guys?"

Placating Caine might be the best route to have him actually get anything done. "Yeah. This is greaaaat." He gives the ringleader a strained smile.

No one other than Caine seems to really believe him. It's fine, Caine is the only one who has to buy it.

"I'll add her memories as I get them back, so don't be surprised if she remembers some things and not others. And, we'll have an adventure soon to celebrate! I'm sure everyone will love it! This one is something I've been working on for a long time, so it's bound to be great."

Nobody seems to care about whatever he's got planned. Or at least, Jax is too busy having a crisis to care.

Chapter Text

She looks idly around her room as the adrenaline runs down, glancing at the trinkets on the shelf, the weird assortment of furniture.

There's a deck of card on a red table surrounded by mismatched chairs. There's board games on her shelf. There's what she thinks is gymnastic equipment scattered throughout the room. She can see plushies and toys thrown around. Cushions are covering the ground that's not covered in carpets.

There's a story here. Leftover of things she doesn't remember. It's hard to know why anything is there or where she'd gotten it from. She doesn't even know if any of it is really hers.

She knows she's in a circus. The Amazing Digital Circus. Caine had shoved the memory of showing her around in her head, and the spike of pain behind her left eyeball it had left her with hasn't diminished yet. She knows there are others here, but she doesn't remember them.

She doesn't know how she got here, or where she'd been before. If Caine had shown her around, and she thinks it couldn't have been too long ago, she must have been somewhere else before this. She has no recollection of where, or who she was before.

"Why hello again Pomni!"

"AAAH!" She screams again, jumping at the voice. Caine is there, unbothered by her dramatic reaction. She takes a few seconds to gather herself. "H-Hi."

"Hi!" Caine waves at her excitedly. It's hard to say, since he's all teeth, but he might be smiling. "How are you? Not too scared I hope. You were pretty terrified when you'd first arrived. I wonder why, the circus is meant to be a very welcoming place for people of all ages, after all!"

She blinks a few times. A wave of exhaustion hits her, and she wishes she could go back to the bed and stay there for a few days. She has the feeling she won't have that privilege, however.

Caine is waiting, and she already forgot what he asked. "I'm tired." She admits.

He nods very seriously, hands clasped behind his back, like this is a matter of great importance. "There isn't a reason you would be, but I suppose if you're feeling tired, you should rest." He informs her like she doesn't know that already. He quickly changes the subject. "Well, you will be happy to know I've taken a look at what happened. I don't know why you woke up, but it seems your condition has stabillised! So, as I'd told you before -but you don't remember that, so I'll remind you now- I'll launch a restoration on your memories, and then give you back what isn't corrupted and what was fixed. I'll try to fix the rest, or to try to recreate what was lost! And then ta-da! You'll be fixed!"

This whole spiel comes with little drawings he shows her. They are organized in a clipboard, look like they were made by a five year old, and show her unhappy at first, and smiling at the end. There's a bee on each page, the most rendered part of the pages. He looks very proud of them.

"Okay." This is a lot. She's not sure what is even going on. It's too much, too fast. "Thanks for the… um… visual aid." He perks up at that. She thinks he might be trying to make this easier on her, which is nice, she guesses. "Will… this take long?"

"It might. I'll wait until you're asleep to give you back the uncorrupted memories, since I've had some… issues with performing updates while the person is conscious. They'll mostly be what you can remember from your life before. Then, you'll get what the restoration can get back. That might take a couple of days, and for the rest, it'll take longer, since I'll need to manually try to fix them or recreate them entirely. That will depend on how much is completely erased." He shrugs. He acts as if all of this is a normal, usual situation.

It helps her nerve, seeing him so calm about it. "I'm not… broken or anything. Everything will be okay?" She has a reallybad feeling about what would happen if she was 'broken'.

"No! Don't worry, I have everything under control. You leave it to me, I'll have that fixed…" He seems to realise he can't say he'll have this fix soon, since there's no guarantee of that. "I'll have that fixed!" She nods.

Okay. She can do this. She just has to wait for Caine to fix things, after all.

And deal with people she doesn't remember. But, that's another matter entirely.

"And-How many people are in the circus? Excluding me and you?"

Caine seems to think about that. "Well, there is 6 character including you. And outside of that, there's the AIs! Me, Bubble, all of the AI I make for my adventures…" He trails off, seemingly getting distracted. "My adventures! You don't remember them. That means you'll get to experience one for the first time all over again! Oh, I'd better make sure it's incredible, the one you'd participated in the first time wasn't my best work, I'll give you that. But I know what type of things you'll enjoy now!"

He rambles for a little bit longer. Pomni lets him. Caine seems nice, and she doesn't mind letting him talk for a while. It's at least something to distract her from what she'll eventually has to face.

The fact she has no idea where she is.

Caine leaves her once someone knocks on her door, and she promptly falls asleep.

As Caine said, she has her memories of her life before the circus back by the time she wakes up. It doesn't send her in a panic, however. They feel more like dreams, halfway forgotten already, fading away with each passing second. She can't bring herself to mourn them.

Some of the decor choices make more sense, though. The random rope looks similar to the kind she'd used when climbing, though she can't recall the faces of the people she'd go with. She can see gymnastic and acrobatics equipment similar to what she'd used when she had done both of these things.

Not everything makes sense. The rocking chair and beanbag still look quite out of place. Neither are the sort of things she'd choose for her space. The pillows are a tripping hazard, and the anime drawings don't align with her tastes. She'd been into neither anime or magical girls.

There's a knock on her door that startles her out of her thoughts. She takes a second to collect herself before cracking her door open.

There's a girl -she has to look up to see her properly, and the fact she's probably the shortest here is slowly dawning on her- with red yarn hair and a button eye is smiling at her.

"Hello, Pomni. Caine told us about your memories." Her voice is soft, it sounds like she's afraid to scare Pomni. "I wanted to know if you wanted me to walk you to breakfast?"

Pomni takes a few seconds to look at the girl. She has no indication of who she might have been to her, and she has no idea who she is. "Um… What's your name?" She sounds so awkward, it's awful.

There's a flash of hurt on the girl's face. It makes a wave of guilt wash through Pomni for putting this girl through this. She wipes it away in a split second, back to smiling pleasantly. "I'm Ragatha. We…" She seems to think better of whatever she'd been about to say. "I always considered you a good friend of mine." The wording doesn't escape her, but she doesn't know what to make of it right now.

She feels so bad. How do you talk to someone who cares about you that you forgot?

"Okay. Sure. Breakfast." Is all her brain manages to come up with. Ragatha beams, and Pomni opens the door fully to step through.

The circus is foreign to her. Sure, she knows it's basic layout from Caine basically forcing the memory of her first visit back in her brain, but she has no recollection of ever walking through it.

She looks around for a moment, taking the place in. It's…colourful. A mess of primary colours everywhere her eyes could see.

Her and Ragatha are standing in a corridor, the one where all of the bedrooms are situated. Each door has the owners picture on it. She can see a drawing of herself on her own door. On the other side of the hallway, the picture of Jax is plastered. Ragatha motions for Pomni to follow.

"This is where the bedrooms are." She says as if Pomni hadn't gathered that herself. "If you ever need anything, my door is right there-" she points to the door with her own face on it, "-so feel free to knock any time." Pomni nods, knowing full well she won't do that unless there's an emergency of some kind.

She keeps looking. All of the other people depicted on the door are unfamiliar. Some have a red X on them, and she furrows at the sigh. Ragatha follows her gaze, and falters a bit.

Pomni doesn't ask, and Ragatha doesn't offer any explanation. "Don't worry about those. They're just… empty rooms. Their owners don't have use for them anymore."

She has the distinct feeling Ragatha is trying to say those are dead people's room without saying it. Like she's a child who can't handle the subject. Pomni doesn't comment, and follows Ragatha to the end of the corridor and into the main room, frowning the entire way there.

Seeing it in person, she's hit by the fact this main room is built like a video game's lobby.

She's not sure why that is. It's maybe the huge sort-of jungle gym that has no business being present in a normal hall, the sort of stuff developers put in an online game's waiting room for player to busy themselves before the next game can start. The scene that she can probably see from anywhere in the room, which is probably intended for a tutorial of sort.

The fact this is a digital world is plain to see, weirdly enough. She can guess this is where Caine has them wait before sending them on adventures, and probably where they spawn back once it's over.

What's the purpose of this circus? Is it even something she was ever made aware of, or is it something none of them know? Has anyone ever asked?

It takes her few seconds to see the long table. Again, the set-up feels like it was meant to be experienced via a screen, everyone on the same side, facing where the 'fourth wall' would be. So the player could see every character from up front while 'eating'.

All but two chairs are in use. Jax is next to one of them, between the empty seat and a neon coloured… thing. Person. It might be who Caine had pushed away yesterday, the person who had knocked, from the glimpse she'd caught of them. There's another empty seat at the far edge of the table, next to some sort of chest piece with eyes.

Ragatha walks to seat next to the chest piece without really thinking about it. Pomni is left to stand, despite the fact there's nowhere other than next to Jax and a mask-ribbon person.

She doesn't know any of them. They are all starring expectantly at her.

She wants to cry, or scream. To leave this place, or the circus entirely. She doesn't do any of these things. She takes a breath, under the scrutiny of everyone -save Jax who seems more interested in feigning disinterest- and walks to the only empty chair left.

No one says anything. She doesn't try to start a conversation either. Food appears on the table. An assortment of typical breakfast dishes. Pancakes and bread and jams and eggs and bagels and so many more things. Pomni has no appetite whatsoever. It makes her wonder if when she lost her memories, she also lost other normal body functions, but then she tastes bile in her mouth and knows her lack of hunger comes from completely different reasons.

She's surrounded by people she doesn't know. People she doesn't remember. She doesn't know the name of the person at her right, or anything about the other occupants of this place.

She doesn't know their names, who they are. What her relationship towards them is. What they went through, or how long they've known each other.

It makes her feel a type of loneliness she's not sure she's ever felt before.

"Phew, this is awkward! Anyone going to speak at some point or are we doomed to have breakfast in silence?" Jax, one of the only two person she knows the name of, starts piling food on his plate. She doesn't think he's even planning on eating all of this, but if they are in a digital world, then it doesn't really matter.

The person at the far left of the table, next to Jax, glares at him. "Can't you read the room here?" They grit out.

"I can. That's why I'm asking, this ambiance is honestly killing my appetite, so if we could change it, that'd be appreciated, thanks." He says sarcastically, smiling sweetly at that person.

"Don't mind him, he's always a jerk." They sigh, looking past Jax —who mock-gasps in offense— at Pomni.

She nods, not sure how what to tell this stranger.

She's pretty sure asking for everyone's name would make the vibes even more somber. When everyone start putting food on their plates, she does too, if only to seem normal. Everyone starts to talk within themselves. The person to her right, the mask person, starts chatting with the neon coloured person next to Jax. Ragatha starts a conversation with the chess piece.

Jax leans closer to her, and start to speak in a tone low enough neither of their neighbours could hear what he says. "At my left, that's Zooble, they don't like me, and the feeling's mutual. And next to you is Gangle, she loves anime and drawing. Ragatha probably introduced herself already, and she's talking to Kinger. He's a bit crazy, so don't mind him, 'kay?"

It's… very helpful. She's about to thank him when he snags the waffle she had on her plate and shoves it in his mouth. "Jax! Leave Pomni alone." Ragatha scolds across the table.

Jax cackles as he stands up, pushing Pomni's chair away from the table as he walked away. "Whatever, this is boring, don't come bothering me." She watches him leave.

She's talked two times with him. If you could even say that. Once and a half if generous. Twice he's helped her out before leaving the room.

Before she can do or think anything more, Zooble tries to include her in he conversation, but it immediately becomes stilled. Ragatha stops talking with Kinger to listen to Pomni's opinion on anime, which is that she didn't necessarily consume much of them but has no problem with them.

"That's great, Pomni! We're already learning new stuff about you." The empty encouragement feels like she's talking to a child, not to a twenty-five years old woman who had a job and payed bills.

Pomni is tempted to snap back, but she doesn't. She can tell Ragatha isn't taking Pomni's loss of memories very well, and she doesn't need to be snapped at right now.

Zooble looks at Pomni patiently while she thinks all of this, as Gangle fidgets her ribbons around, uncomfortable with the whole ordeal. Kinger seems, as Jax had put it, mad. Not even looking at them, instead utterly focused on the way the light was catching in his glass of water.

Jax seems to be the only one to treat her in a semblance of normalcy.

Not remembering this guys doesn't mean she can't tell the type of person he is, though. She narrows her eyes at his empty seat for a second, knowing he's her best shot at learning more about who she was, since he seems to know her better than anyone at this table.

Doesn't mean he'll want to tell her things. She can tell that much, he's the type to run away the second things get uncomfortable or too real.

She goes back to humouring the others, letting them toe around her, unsure how to act. It's annoying, but she can understand they lost a friend, in a way.

Pomni probably isn't really the person they'd came to know without her memories. Anything they might have lived, any bond they might have formed, it's gone now. And that's probably painful for them to witness. She does her best to not seem an awkward, anxious mess as her mind starts to think her next step.

She has a bunny to hunt after breakfast.

Chapter Text

Turns out Jax is too much of a coward to face Pomni.

After all the time he'd spent stressing about seeing her again, and the hours he'd planned what to say, one would think he wouldn't run anytime she appears.

One would be wrong to think that.

He finds it a bit funny, as he ducks into another room when he hears bells jingling, that he's the one avoiding her when he found it so irritating when the roles where reversed.

Well, Jax has always been one to run from his problem, so unlike Pomni, it's quite in character for him to run from her.

The bells get closer, and then pass his hiding place without stopping. The jingle getting fainter as she walks away and stops. He's not sure she's looking for him, but something is telling him that she hasn't been wandering the circus all day to pass time.

Ragatha must be dying to spend time with her, especially after everything that went down. She's probably waiting around for Pomni to come to her, ready to choke her up with false sympathy and affection to make herself feel better about the situation.

But Pomni isn't with anyone, walking around. Jax was the first one she met, and running away after helping her out in the middle of breakfast would have only fed her curiosity.

Everyone seemed a bit confused at breakfast. He'd lingered close enough to hear what they'd talked about, inane conversations about whatever generic topic they could come up with. He'd managed to see the horror wash on their faces as they realised that, even without her memories, Pomni wasn't treating them much differently.

That whatever relationship they'd thought they'd developed with her, it hadn't mattered as much as they'd thought. That Jax had been right.

Hiding is his best option for now, he reminds himself. He has no idea how to face Pomni, and her lack of memory, especially the lack of recollection of their fight, is basically a bomb wrapped in a pretty box.

Seemingly something that Jax should be glad for, the opportunity to erase everything that went wrong, for everything to go back to like before, just like he'd wanted. Except it's doomed to blow up in his face. She'll remember, or be told, and then she'll be even more mad at him for using her while she was vulnerable.

Jax wants to make things right. Not just to pretend everything is fine, like he's done for so long. He wants Pomni to like him again, despite what he's done.

But what he wants doesn't really matter, since he can't face her. Again, he finds their roles reversed, him in the position of the overthinker, panicking about every possibility. Jax has never been one to plan very far ahead, and he's finding very hard to decide what's the best thing to do, especially when there's so many wild cards.

Ragatha could rat him out to gain herself points with Pomni. Zooble just to piss him off, or Gangle as revenge. Kinger isn't as mad as he'd thought, but he's mad enough he could tell Pomni everything without realising how badly it's screwing Jax over. Hell, Caine could tell Pomni if he's aware, or just give her back to memory of their fight at the worse moment.

Everything might even be for nothing, even if he does everything perfectly, if once she remembers everything she decides she doesn't want to forgive him.

The crammed space is making him loose his mind, he needs to go somewhere with more enrichment to busy his mind. He leaves the small empty room he'd ducked in, trying to think up the nearest room with stuff to busy himself with.

Jax takes three steps outside the door before remembering Pomni is kinda smart when she's not having a mental breakdown.

The jingling had stopped because she'd stopped.

She's leaning a few paces from the room he's in, looking expectantly at him. She's a far cry from the scared doll she'd been this morning. She doesn't look at ease, but she's not an inch from loosing her mind. She looks like someone on a mission, focused on whatever she's hopping to achieve here.

"Hey, Pompom-" should he even be this casual, when she doesn't remember him? Is he giving her the wrong idea without even meaning to- "Hanging around some empty corridor? That bored already? I would've thought you'd be still loosing your mind at this point." It a jab that he's not sure will land like he wants it to.

All that thinking is giving him a headache. He just wants to fix things already.

She tilts her head to the side. "I guess the second time is easier?" She lets out a small laugh, more out of nervousness than humour. "It's not… easy. But, I guess…" Her brown furrow. It's an awfully cute gesture, and he hates that he thinks that. "I know that I'm okay. Caine explained some stuff. So… I'm okay." She says decisively. It sounds like she's trying to convince herself of it, but he doesn't voice that.

"Well, that's good to know." He wants to say something. Sorry, or to explain things, or to ask her to hang out. None of that comes out. Instead, he says "I'll go back to-" His brain comes up short, because he can't say 'avoiding you', that'd be weird "-my walk. Have fun looking around." He starts to turn away, ready to run.

"Why are you avoiding me?"

He stops his step before his feet can hit the floor. He stays there, frozen, for a few excruciating seconds where is mind is in overdrive.

"Please. I'm not avoiding anyone. What, are you hurt because you expected me to coddle you because you forgot a few things? Doesn't change much to me! If you want someone to hold your hand, go bother someone who actually cares, like good ol' Raggy." Jax falls back on what he knows. Maybe because it's easier, maybe because at this point he's not sure how to be anything else.

Pomni doesn't look annoyed. She doesn't seem to take what he said badly, or to think he's a jerk. She considers him.

"Forgetting a few things didn't make me an idiot." She finally settles for. Her voice isn't angry. She's actually very calm. Most of her previous lingering anxiety seems to vanish as she thinks about what to say next. "I spoke to Ragatha. And the others. They're all acting weird. I think you're the only one who treated me normally." It's kinda sad that Jax is still the first person she goes to when in a crisis. "So I tried to find you, but you avoided me all day." She states.

"I thought I'd imagined it, so when you got in that room, I waited to see if you were waiting for me to have left or if you'd just happened to be leaving a room everytime I got near all day long." Jax must make a face, because she lets out a small laugh that eases the indignation he's feeling. "You're a tall bright purple rabbit. You're kinda hard to miss." She adds the last part in a whisper yell that's so cringe and so adorable Jax forgets to be angry about it.

"I'm very stealthy!" He answers instead. She looks unimpressed. "Okay, I'm having a bad day, but I can be very hard to find when I want to." He warns her. She looks like she's holding back a laugh.

You just know how to find me, even when you don't remember me. His brain is a traitorous thing, feeding his delusions like that. He can tell why she'd want to be around him instead of the others, when her conversation with them this morning sounded more like a job interview. Speedrunning getting to know someone.

"Sure." She doesn't sound like she believes him one bit. He knows he'll be leaving her a 'gift' in her room while she sleeps to prove her wrong. "Can we talk?"

These words trigger something in him that brings a fear so raw he's not sure where it even comes from. She sees it, because of course she does.

"Not anything bad or anything! Just… I have some questions, I guess." She tenses up as she waits for Jax to react.

His brain is screaming bad, bad, run, get away, this isn't going to end well-

Jax, for some reasons unknown to even himself, doesn't listen to reason and nods. "Sure. What about?"

He leans against the door he's just closed. He hopes he looks cool, and not like a pathetic loser absolutely loosing it right now.

Pomni shuffles forward, and leans against the wall in front of him, shoving her hands into pockets her new shorts now possess. His brain goes back to Caine's insistence that she must like it, and wonder if she does. It'd be weird to ask, though.

Now that it's her turn to talk, she looses the confidence she'd had a few moments ago. She looks like she's trying to hide into the ruffles around her neck, except Jax is tall enough that she's not hidden at all. It's still very cute of her.

He needs to stop thinking the word cute.

"Aw, are you embarrassed, Pompom?" He teases. It does the trick, because she glares a bit and stops trying to hide into her clothes. She takes a deep breath instead, probably bracing herself.

Jax is going to be very calm and mature about this. He needs to stop getting defensive everytime a conversation gets to a subject he doesn't like, because there's no way he'll make this better otherwise.

"So." She takes another breath. She might not remember him, but the others must have given her the rundown of his personality for her to brace herself like that. Or other ideas his brain comes up with that are too good to be true and most definitely not the truth.

"So." She says again. "You were avoiding me." It's not a question this time, and so Jax doesn't say anything. "Because, something happened, and I lost my memories. And you were… there?" It's confirmation he was brought up after he left.

Jax sighs. He has cutting remarks on the tip of his tongue, insults dancing in his head. "I was. The others don't know what happened though."

"What happened?" The question is blunt enough that it takes him by surprised a bit.

Every scenario he played in his head were for absolutely nothing. How very fitting of her to come ask straight ahead, the one thing he hadn't wanted to think of.

He'd expected her to wonder for a while before coming to him. Or to wait for her memory to come back. Or for the others to have made up some messed up version of what might have happened to feed to her. Or for her to listen to the warning everyone else must have given her and avoid him again.

"We fought." He says plainly.

She waits, probably for him to elaborate. His throat feels weirdly tight, and he tastes bile in his mouth. Sometimes he hates the realism Caine tried to incorporate into the circus for their comfort. It reminds him of what he no longer is: a person.

Pomni reminds him of that too, in a different way. He forgets he's no longer a person in the real world. She just feels so real compared to the others who have fallen into their archetype. Though, that's not quite true anymore. Zooble hasn't been as mean, Kinger isn't as crazy as he thought, and he's seen Gangle smile without her comedy mask a few times by now.

Only him and Ragatha seem to still cling onto the person they'd been pretending to be. And Ragatha is slipping, bit by bit.

He snaps out of his thoughts when Pomni leans forward, inching into his line of sight again. He'd been starring at the ground like an idiot for who knows how long. His face feels hot as she looks at him with concern etched on her features.

"We…" The words stay stuck in his throat. "I said some…" He sighs. "Not very… nice things. I was a jerk. We fought." He grits it out like it pains him to say it. He already voiced all of this, but she'd been asleep. Now, she's looking at him with those huge eyes that makes him want to agree to everything she says.

"Okay." She waits. "And, what. Are you… mad at me?"

He scoffs. "No. You were mad at me. You avoided me. I'm just being a great guy and respecting your wishes." His resolve to let go of his defensiveness is falling apart each second they're in this hallway. It's a useless one filled with empty room, so if anything happens he can avoid it of the rest of his life and pretend this conversation never happened.

He knows it's false as soon as he thinks it.

He pushes off the wall and turns toward the exit of this stupid corridor. "Whatever, I'm done with this. If you want someone to play your friend, go to Ragatha." He messed up, again. He can't even apologise properly. He hates all of this, hates himself for even caring about her stupid opinion and stupid feelings. He can't even try to think of something else when her bells jingle so [BEEP]ing much-

Something suddently lands on his back and he falls forward, not able to catch himself due to the suddenness of it all. He screams, and realises belatedly that Pomni [BEEP]ing jumped on him.

"What the [BEEP]?" He shouts, trying to turn around from where he lays on the ground. He manages to get his face in a position where he might be able to look at her, but her fist finds his face before his eyes can find hers.

"What-" He can't get any words out as she starts hitting him. He tries to avoid her punches, but she's on top of him, a fact that will undoubtedly keep him up at night-

"Stop that!" He screams again, finally pushing her off enough to stop laying down and sit up, shuffling to get away.

She doesn't care about his attempts, she gives a kick at his knee, which hurts and grab at one of his ears, pulling to keep him within arms reach as she slaps an punches him. He's screaming all the while, thrashing around, not really processing anything that's happening to him.

As soon as it started, she's done. She stands up, heaving. She looks down at where he's sat on the ground, looking up at her with eyes that must look as huge as hers.

His voice breaks as he blurts out, "What the [BEEP] was that?"

She takes a few moment to look at him squirm on the ground to catch her breath. "We're even." She claims.

He blink stupidly at her. "What are you on about? You just hit me!"

"Yeah." She concedes. "You hurt me, and I've hurt you, and now we're even." She explains like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"That- This isn't-" he stammers for a bit, unable to form a coherent answer. "That's not how this works!"

She's the one blinking now. She looks at him like she doesn't understand what he doesn't get, which grates his nerves. "Yes it is. You don't get to tell me how it works."

"Um. Yes I do."

"No." She crosses her arms. And a few thought comes to him unbidden about the position they're in, him on the ground at her feet as she looks down at him. His face burns.

"I'm the one you hurt. So I get to decide how I want to deal with this. We're even now."

She looks like she's waiting for him to protest again. He almost wants to, to see how far he can push her. The fact she started hitting him hasn't reached his brain yet. He definitely deserved that, but he hadn't expected Pomni to have fight in her. He knows this will keep him up a night, for an entirely different reason than the other stuff that usually stops him from finding sleep.

"We're not even! Those are two completely different situations. You don't even remember what I did." He shrieks once he finds the ability to say stuff again.

"No, I don't." She agrees. "But I don't want to deal with things I can't even remember because you are stuck on them. You seem like the only person whose going to not treat me like I'm made of glass, and I kinda need that right now. So are we good now?"

He fumbles with words for a few moments. "You can't just say that. You're not the one who has to deal with remembering what happened. A-and, you'll be pissed at me for agreeing that we're even when we very much aren't."

Why is he fighting this? It's what he wanted, to fix this. If she says they're even, then they are, right? This is all so confusing to him.

She purses her lips. "Look." She uncrosses her arm to slam her hands together. The sound echoes in the empty corridor and his brain. "Are you sorry?"

His mind is empty of all thoughts. "Yeah." It comes soft, and so unlike his usual demeanour he's surprised at himself.

"Then we're okay. And we'll deal with this once I remember it. But for now, we're even."

"Okay."

"Okay!" She smiles, and hold out her hand to him.

He takes it, dumbfounded. She helps him up as best she can with her short height.

"There are a few board games in my room. Want to play one with me?" It's the ones they left in her room, during the couple of game nights they'd had while she was asleep.

Jax can recognise an olive branch when he sees one.

To hell with it. Pomni's right, there's nothing he can do about the things he said so long as she doesn't remember them. Might as well try to prove to her that he hadn't meant them by being better.

Isn't there a saying about action being better than words? He'll prove to her he can be better than he was that day.

Chapter Text

Not having memories is a very peculiar experience in the digital circus. She never was amnesiac, or at least she doesn't remember ever loosing memories, so she's not sure what it's like in the real world.

In the circus? It's like they hadn't been taken properly. Ever since she got the first wave of memories back, it's been so… weird. She knows what's in a room even when she doesn't remember ever have walked in there before. Realistically, she should be looking for an exit, or a way out. But, something in her knows this is pointless.

After having had breakfast, she sets on finding Ragatha, and she knows she'll find her in the couch room. Her feet takes her there, even when she's not sure what or where the couch room is. It wasn't one of the places Caine had shown her in that memory.

Ragatha is in the couch room, sat on one of the couches, a ball of yarn and a crochet hook in her hand. Ragatha enjoys crocheting, she knows that too. She's never seen her crochet before now, though.

It's all so very confusing. She can feel a headache building up everytime she tries to think to hard about how she knows these things. Pomni's not even surprised about the fact she can get a headache in an apparently digital world.

"Oh, hello Pomni!" She looks nervous. Pomni has the sense Ragatha is a very anxious person. "How are you doing? I hope you're feeling okay, I know you were handling things pretty badly when you'd arrive… If you need anything, I'm here for you, okay?"

Pomni smiles a bit. Ragatha seems nice. "Thanks. I'm alright though."

Jax had mentioned there probably being an adventure soon, right as he stashed a card in his pocket while they'd played. She'd like to get to know Ragatha a bit. She doesn't remember what the adventures are like, but she knows they tended to be weird and unpleasant.

Pomni sits on the couch with Ragatha. Not quite sure how to strike up a conversation, she cycles through multiple things she could say. She opens her mouth to start talking-

"Why, hello girls!" Caine pops into the room. "Are you two alright? Pomni, are you adapting well?"

Caine gets too close to her face, and she shrinks back. "Fine." She manages, her voice abnormally high.

"Fantastic! But, where are the others?"

Caine is a very enthusiastic, animated character. His mannerisms are over the top and his voice echoes through any room his in. Pomni would probably have loved him if he'd been a character in a game or show, so he's got that going for him. But in this world, it's quite… overwhelming.

"I don't know!" Ragatha smiles at him, placating. She doesn't seem to like Caine very much, but Pomni can tell she'd rather die than have Caine know that. "Did you need something?" She asks, very gently, like she's talking to a kid.

"Yes!" He snaps, and everyone appears in the room. By the way Zooble and Gangle are sprawled on the floor, she's pretty sure they'd been hanging out. Pomni's pretty sure they're dating, but it would be incredibly rude to ask.

Kinger screams, without reasons. It startles her enough that she jumps a bit, and Ragatha puts a hand on her shoulder to soothe her. It doesn't work, but she just purses her lips and shuts up. Ragatha is trying, she guesses. The fact she doesn't take her hand off just makes Pomni feel jittery.

"Today, my satisfactory adventurers, you will have to reach the top of a giant, dangerous mountain. Help each others, find healing or booster items, and try not to die!"

Pomni can see no one wants to go. Well, other than Kinger, who is looking in the wrong direction.

"Well, let's go guys!" Ragatha cheers enthusiastically, standing up as a portal appears.

Ragatha walks through, looking back at Pomni, expecting her to follow immediately.

Kinger finally looks into the right direction. "Oh, an adventure, how fun!" He walks through too. Zooble helps Gangle up and they join the others, while Zooble complains under their breath.

"Aw, are you scared?" Jax voice is awfully close to her ear. She turns around to find him leaning over her shoulder with a huge grin. He looks proud of himself for having startled her.

"No." But her voice shakes a bit as she says it. Still, she turns and walks through, just to prove a point.

A rock climbing adventure. Jax doesn't know why Caine decided to settle on that, but it sure feels discriminatory to those with… different bodies.

Kinger looks around for around a second before catching sight of a bug and following it away from the mountain. Not like he could've climbed anyways. That's when he notices they have new outfit. Well, wouldn't have been fair to let Ragatha to climb in a dress, not that he cares about that.

His eyes glaze over the others and find Pomni. A black tank top and slightly baggy brown pants, complete with a backpack. Cute. He looks down at himself to see his outfit isn't too different, a pink shirt with black pants. He doesn't care enough about the other to mind their outfits.

"Come on. Let's get this over with." Zooble starts to climb. Pomni doesn't hesitate to follow, and Jax wonder if rock climbing was something she'd done in real life. YouTuber, urbex, rock climbing? She must have been such a cool person, the type he would've been scared to even talk to.

That makes him feel even prouder of the fact she seems to enjoy his presence.

No one tries to find Kinger, they all know he'll be fine and couldn't climb anyways. Ragatha doesn't seem thrilled with the concept they're stuck with, but she follows suits when she realises Jax had already began to climb, leaving her alone down the mountain.

They climb in mostly silence for a bit. Pomni takes the lead pretty quickly, and Zooble just copies whatever path she takes, making the rest of them follow. It goes well for a bit, and the ambiance is pretty nice. Jax takes a moment to look at the background as Zooble and Pomni get distracted by a box not far away. A forest at the foot of the mountain, he can peek at some villages far away, and the sea is close enough that he can peek at it over the trees.

Then he looks up and realises there's a long way up. It's going to be super boring if they keep climbing in silence.

"Hey, look at that!" Pomni is holding up what looks to be a cereal bar and bandages to them, while Zooble is reading some kind of map next to her.

"That must be the healing items Caine mentioned, good job Pomni!" Ragatha cheers. Pomni gives a thumbs up and stuff them in her backpack, peeking at something Zooble is showing her.

This is not his type of adventure. He almost considers throwing himself down to make it end faster, but the idea of not dying instantly and having to wait in excruciating agony for death to come makes him start to climb up instead.

They follow his lead. They continue climbing up. Him and Pomni end up having to wait for the others on a somewhat flat surface. He's not sure what to tell her, and is saved from embarrassment as a strong gust of wind suddenly blows.

It dishevels Pomni's hair, and she glares at a piece of hair stuck in her eyelashes. The wind doesn't relent, still, Jax reaches out to fix her hair before his brain could agree to it. "Thanks." She smiles up at him, it might be the first time today she doesn't seem an inch away from loosing it. Her shoulders drop, she relaxes slightly, and she's so [BEEP]ing adorable-

"AAAH!" They see Gangle fly past them and away. Her scream echo as the winds takes her away and Ragatha calls out to her.

Jax snickers at the sight. "Stay calm! You'll probably be fine." Ragatha instructs, but he's not sure her voice carried enough for Gangle to hear.

Pomni elbows him. "Don't be mean. It's not her fault she's light enough to be flown away by the wind." Her tone is reprimanding, but there's a very slight tug of her lips that betrays the fact she does find the fact that Gangle can be blown away by some wind funny.

Jax stands up to look over the edge where Ragatha and Zooble have stopped their climb to look at Gangle's retreating body flittering in the wind. "Two down! Whose next? Ragatha, no seam got caught into a rock yet?" He shoots her a grin and watches in satisfaction as she glowers.

"No. I'm fine." She grits out. Zooble looks at him disappointed.

"A shame. I'm waiting, guys, come on! This is a peak opportunity for gruesome deaths, you know?"

"Shut it, Jax." Zooble manages to reach the spot of flat rock he's on and joins him and Pomni in waiting. Ragatha needs some help getting up there, and Pomni is happy to give her a hand.

She's so nice, sometimes, it makes him a bit sick.

"Are we still far?" Ragatha sounds a bit breathless.

Pomni looks up to the clouds that obstructs the objective. "I guess so." She shrugs and goes to start climbing, already having looked for which wall to start climbing earlier. Ragatha groans, looking done with this already.

Zooble is the next to go. To be fair, none of them had expected the bush they'd been walking close to would explode.

It did make Jax laugh seeing their parts flying away, and hearing them scream "[BEEP] you, Jax!" as their head sped past him. Feels like retribution for all of these times they annoyed him while Pomni was sick.

Ragatha looks a bit sick at the sight, and Pomni eyes every bush with suspicion, as if any of them might blow her up too. She's even tenser than she previously was now.

Being alone with just the two of them is awkward. Ragatha tries to keep up with Pomni, but isn't very good at climbing. Jax isn't very good either, but he's got experience jumping fences and confidence, which seems to be more than Ragatha can say.

They keep climbing in silence. Ragatha doesn't try to strike up a conversation, knowing full well Jax would butt in. Jax has no interest in speaking with Ragatha with the way she's looking at him —a look that says she's considering throwing him down as soon as Pomni is distracted— and Pomni seems to sense the tenseness in the air and just keeps climbing.

"Ugh. I can't, I'm tired. I'm taking a break." Ragatha finally snaps and walks to the nearest crevice to sit down.

Pomni, who was about to start scaling the nearest wall, stops dead in her tracks, watching Ragatha storm off. Her head tilts to the side, her face more curious than concerned.

He already knows the answer, but he asks anyways. "Wanna ditch her and keep going?"

Pomni purses her lips. "That'd be kind of mean. We could just rest a little, I guess." She looks a bit ashamed. "I hadn't considered you guys might be tired, since I wasn't. Are you good?" Her tone isn't gloating, more surprised.

She looks up at him, and he puffs out his chest in fake confidence. "Me? I'll have you know I have so much stamina, you couldn't keep up with me if I gave it my all." She doesn't look convinced, biting back a laugh. The half smile that tugs on her face is adorable, and he's tempted to check if he can shove her in his backpack and climb up with her, away from Ragatha.

"Great, because I could keep going all day." She laughs, and goes to see Ragatha, leaving him standing there a little flustered.

His legs are killing him. His arms are starting to feel numb. He's glad Ragatha snapped first because he needs a break right now.

Once he arrives in the small hole the two girls are in, they're both already in the middle of a conversation. It's larger than he would have expected, more of a small cavern instead of a hole like he'd thought.

"-just can't stand it! After everything, it's unfair that you'd-" Ragatha is ranting, and stops dead in her track once she sees him. At first, she bristles, ready to change the subject, but she seems to catch herself.

Pomni seems taken aback, not at Jax's presence, but at whatever Ragatha had been saying.

"Would you mind waiting outside for a bit?" Her words are polite, but her tone betrays the fact she'd been complaining about him. He doesn't like it one bit, and figures he'll see how far he can push her today.

He's been on his best behaviour all way, what does she even have to complain about?

"Nah, I'm good." He sits a few steps away from her, plastering a cheeky grin and watches Ragatha's face contort in annoyance. "It's cooler here, but feel free to chat outside if my presence offends you so much." Annoyance lets place to anger quickly.

"I was here first!" Her voice bounces off the walls, making her shout of indignation sound louder than she'd intended. She flinches, looking ashamed. "I mean, I wanted to talk to Pomni privately."

"You can do that. Outside." Jax challenges, his voice sweet as honey. Ragatha has been on edge around him lately. It seems she can't decide if she wants him to like him or push back for all those times Jax pushed her.

"See?" She turns to Pomni, like Jax's behaviour proves a point he's not aware of. "He's always like this. I mean, I don't want you to think I don't trust your judgment, I just think it's foolish-"

"I think you both have things to work out." Pomni announces, looking out of place. She's been awkward all day because of the tension between him and Ragatha. "I'm gonna-" She gestures vaguely at the entrance of the cavern they're all in. "There was a- crate. Over there. I'm gonna go… see what's in it, while you guys, um… Talk or… something."

He's sure there's no crate. But Pomni probably needs to wind down after being so tense all day. He shrugs as Ragatha looks half betrayed, half pissed.

She rounds on him, livid. "You." She says, her tone more angry than he's ever heard it be.

"Yup, me." He stays calm. Ragatha won't do anything to him other than berate him. Still, everyone seems to be toeing the line with him these days, so a part of him braces himself.

"Are you having fun? Do you find it funny to use her like that?"

Jax is confused, so he laughs. "What are you even talking about? Did you get your hand on more of that stupid sauce?" She reels back. It's a sore spot for her still and he knows it.

"No." She takes a break and braces herself. "You've been leading her on."

"I have literally no idea what you're on about." He deadpans. Maybe she finally lost her mind.

"You've been weird ever since Pomni woke up. You're being all nice to her, acting like you're some sort of saint when we all know what you did-" Anger flares in him fast.

"Let me stop you right there." Ragatha physically takes a step back when Jax stands up. With this dumb body, he towers over her easily. "You wanna assume the worse of me? Sure, go ahead. But have it crossed your dumb little head that I don't do everything for some sort of evil master plan?"

She lets out a nervous chuckle. "Y-You've got to admit you're tricking her. I mean, the last time you two talked, she ended up…" None of them have ever found the words to explain what happened. "And now, you're all nice to her, despite not having changed much with the rest of us. You're clearly trying to trick her."

"Or, maybe, and stay with me here. I know this is hard on you, but maybe… I just like her more than I like the rest of you." He sees something flash on her face, too fast for him to name, but he takes a guess. "Is that why you're pissed? Because now you can't excuse the fact I don't like you on the fact I don't like anyone?"

He knows he hit the nail on the head when shame hits her. He sees the way it makes her shrink on herself, how her eyes shift to the ground instead of him. She's still insecure about it, still trying to please everyone to feel better about herself.

"That's not what this is about. This is about Pomni-"

"But it's not." He states. He knows he's right. "This is about your need to have everyone like you because you feel like you're only worth something as long as you're of use to others. It's honestly pathetic. Were you hoping to catch Pomni alone so you could turn her against me to feel like you're protecting her? That's not very nice, is it?"

"I'm trying to be a good friend. Unlike you, who leads her on for your entertainment." She shouts. "I already failed you once-"

"Failed me?" He laughs, but there's no humour. It's bitter on his tongue. "I don't need your help. I never did. I don't need you to coddle me and tell me I'm amazing so you can feel like the hero. And neither does Pomni. We're adults, I mean, god! When will you get it?" He throws his arm out, not even sure what the conversation is about.

This behaviour is sickening. Would you do anything for approval? If Pomni told you to pretty please throw yourself from this mountain, would you do it? Are you this desperate to be liked?"

Ragatha looks hurt and sick. Good. It's about time someone told her this.

"You're an awful person, Jax." And she runs.

Chapter Text

It takes a bit for Pomni to come back. Her head pop into the cave long after Jax has sat on the ground, happy to rest his legs.

What the [BEEP] was that with Ragatha? What got into her?

"I just saw Ragatha storm off and fall down while cursing you out." Pomni says, and he almost laughs at the mental image.

"What was she saying about me?" He asks, trying to put on a smile.

"I don't know," She shrugs. "the censors were beeping almost continuously, but I caught your name, so I guess she's pissed at you."

He shrugs back "Make sense. She kinda blew up at me."

Pomni tilts her head, looking at him still.

"Why did she get mad?" She asks as she comes to sit next to him.

He sighs. "I don't know. We don't really get along, you know? I guess she reached her limit."

Pomni continues to look at him, waiting for him to explain. She has that innate ability to make him want to spread out his guts to her. He's not sure he likes it, but he can't really fight it either.

"She accused me of trying to manipulate you or something. I don't even know what she's on about." He knows what point Ragatha is trying to make, but he won't say that out loud. There's a small bit of truth that she doesn't want to acknowledge. He tries to not think about what he did to Pomni.

"She really doesn't like you, huh?" Pomni says, tone light. Jax glares a bit, but there's no heat in it.

"I guess."

Pomni hums. There's a moment of silence, where he can hear every breaths she takes. It drives him a little mad.

"I don't know how to feel about Ragatha." Pomni confesses. She says it so low, Jax isn't even sure he heard it. But when he turns to look at her, she's frowning at her sneakers, thinking hard.

Jax isn't sure what he's supposed to say. "How come?"

Pomni is the one to shrug this time. "I don't know. She seems nice, but…" She brings her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. "I haven't talked to her much. Like, what. Three, four times? But she's been weird each time." She sighs.

"I don't think she means to, but she always comes out as… patronising? It's like she feels she needs to baby me. Maybe because she thinks I'm… sensitive? Because I lost my memories?" She doesn't sounds sure, like she doesn't really comprehend Ragatha's behaviour. "I think she means well, but still. I feel like she thinks less of me. She's reminded me to come to her each time I spoke with her, like I can't take care of myself."

She falls silent for a bit. Jax might not be the most socially competent person around, but he can tell he needs to shut up right now.

"People always acted like that around me. I don't really remember my life before the circus too well, but I have the feeling that's normal." Jax nods, even though Pomni's not even looking at him. She's staring at a rock on the ground a bit further away. "But I remember people always treating me like I was dumb or incompetent. It always got on my nerves, like..." She grunts, probably years of pent up anger coming to the surface for the first time since she got here.

Why is he the one she's telling this too?

He knows the answer. Because he's the only one good enough at putting on a face to treat Pomni like everything is fine. No one dared to say anything all day, shooting her worried glances like she has terminal cancer instead of amnesia.

"I get it." Jax says. "That's why I don't get along with her." He wants to [BEEP] talk Ragatha a bit, but he's not sure that's the move right now. Pomni doesn't seem to resent Ragatha, even if Jax thinks she'd deserve Pomni's resentment. "She wants everyone to like her, so she treats everyone like they'll break."

Pomni's anger fades before his eyes. She's thinking again. "I guess… she doesn't seem to handle you being mean to her very well-" Jax hasn't even been rude to Ragatha yet, but he doesn't rectify her, "-so she might assume it's the case for everyone."

"I don't really care about why she's like that. It's annoying as [BEEP]. I just don't want her anywhere near me."

Pomni might have giggled at his tone, but she got herself under control before Jax could turn around and fix her with a glare.

"How are you doing, in the circus, I mean." He asks, because it seems like the type of things a friend would ask.

She sighs, slumping against the walls. "I'm… fine. It could be better, I guess."

Jax doesn't typically care about the way others feel. But, he saw how things ended the last time Pomni felt she couldn't rely on them. It feels like he's getting a second chance at approaching the topic, except he has no idea how to do that.

"If, like…" He stumbles with his word. "If you want to [BEEP] about the others, it's what I like doing most, so you can hit me with it." He says with a shrug.

She looks at him, doubtful. "Are you incapable of asking things normally?" Jax is about to retort, or to insult her, or maybe stand up and leave, but she doesn't let him. "Actually, don't answer that. I guess… The others are being weird. Like Ragatha."

She doesn't look like she wants to say anymore, but maybe she can't help herself, or she forces the words out, because she continues. "I mean, it's like they think I'm a scientific experiment that breached containment. They look at me like they've never seen me before, or like I'm some weird species or something." She's frowning, clearly upset, but with the way she worded it, he can't help himself.

He tries to stop himself from laughing, but it comes out as a snort, and he immediately looks away. "Hey!" She laughs too, hitting his arm lightly. "I'm telling you about something very distressing and you're making fun of me!"

"You said this in the weirdest way possible. I'm sorry, but 'scientific experiment that breached containment'?" He laughs again.

She looks both amused and embarrassed. "It's not like it matters anyways. I get it's probably harder on you all than for me." She hugs her knees again, and she doesn't look very happy anymore.

He's not sure what to say, so he just grabs her hand. It's not much, but it makes his stomach flutters in a way that's too embarrassing for him to admit. He refuses to acknowledge the feeling further than that.

Instead, he does what he's best at. He shy away from the subject and divert the attention. "You did surprisingly good today. Any experience climbing stuff?"

She brightens up at that. It's nice to see her relax after how weird things have been today. "Yeah. I knew a guy who was into rock climbing." She takes a moment, probably to attempt to come up with anything about this guy and comes up short, like everyone else. She shakes her head like it'll change the fact they've all lost a piece of themselves in the circus. "He'd taken me to this place to do indoor climbing. I did that often enough, sometimes after work, or on the weekends if I didn't have anything else planned. We knew each other from a girl from my acrobatics class."

God she's cool, is all he thinks.

"Acrobatics? You really are a jester. God, Pomni, could you be any less cliché?" He makes fun of her, making himself comfy on the ground. They can hear another strong gust of wind blow, but it doesn't manage to find it's way into the cavern they're in.

"Wait until you hear I know magic tricks." She says, smiling brightly.

"No way. You don't know magic tricks."

"Yes I do. Remind me to show you some card tricks once we finish this adventure." There's laughter in her voice, the tension from before gone now. Left outside when Ragatha stormed away, and hopefully taken away by the wind outside.

"Bet. Anything else I should know about you? Is this why Caine gave you such big sleeves? To hide all of your tricks?"

She bursts out laughing, even though this wasn't that funny. Still, seeing her laugh makes something curl pleasantly in him. Pride blooms in his chest.

"You're an idiot." She giggles. "Maybe? I don't know what he thought when he made my avatar. Though the big head would be a burden if I wanted to do acrobatics or parkour again."

"Parkour?" Can she get cooler? Why is she even talking to him in the first place? It does give him an ego boost, that out of everyone, she'd somehow decided he was worth her time. Ribbit hadn't, not at first at least. "Is there anything you can't do?" He says it like it's a joke, but a part of him does wonder how she wound up picking up so many skills.

She flushed a bit, flustered despite his teasing tone.

Cute, cute cute cutecutecute-

"I mean, I'm not that good at any of these things. I got bored easily, so I'd often try new things and give up on them after a few months. Acrobatics did keep me busy for a long time, since there's so many directions you can take. I liked aerial arts best, though." She sounds fond.

He needs to ask Caine for an acrobatics themed adventure. He doesn't even know what aerial arts is, but he's sure it's cool and hot, because Pomni liked it.

"I wasn't really good at anything musical or artistic. I'm [BEEP] at drawing, despite my best attempts. And cooking. I could probably burn water."

He hums, "So there's your great weakness. I'll make sure to find a way to use that against you." She giggles again, and it just makes him smile wider. She's the jester here, but Jax wouldn't mind being the one with dumb ruffles around his neck if it means he can keep making her laugh.

"So, what did you do in your free time, before the circus?" She leans forward, perfectly at ease.

The mention of his life before the circus is like a cold bucket of water dumped on his head. The warm fluttery feeling that had overtaken him is smothered immediately.

Pomni notices, since it's on brand for her to do so. "Is that a sore topic? We don't have to talk about that if you don't want to, sorry-"

"Nah, it's fine." He forces nonchalance, leaning back and forcing his body to relax. He sighs rather dramatically. "I fear I wasn't as interesting as you though." The truth is dragged out of him by Pomni, even though she's not doing anything to tear it out of him. "I mostly liked gaming."

He doesn't think about why she has that effect on him. That she simply needs to look at him for him to spew out his guts out to her. How bare his heart is when it comes to her—

"Gaming is cool, though. I used to play sometimes when I was in college."

"No way. What did you play, life simulators?" Names of games or franchise are one of these things they can't remember. It's not something they question, just one of theses weird quirks of the circus that doesn't make sense.

"Um, firstly, there nothing wrong with life sims." She replies flatly. "And I played a bunch of stuff. Mostly what my roommate played. Online games, moslty. She liked when we trolled other players."

"Oh, I would I loved you. Trolling people in public servers was my favourite past time." He laughs. She smiles at him, and the cave feels oddly warm.

She shakes her head. "Somehow, I'm not surprised."

"What does that mean?" He exclaims, faking indignation in his voice. That just makes her laugh anew, eyes wrinkled and face flushed from it.

She stands up once she calms down, brushing non-existant dir from her pants. "Come on, we need to finish climbing this mountain. You said you could go all day, right? Time to prove it."

She extends her hand to him, the same way she'd had a few days ago. He takes it again, ignoring the ache in his limbs. She doesn't let go of his hand, and neither does he.

Getting out of the cave feels weird. Like they aren't really the same than they were when they walked in. Pomni immediately shields her eyes from the sun that beats down on them. He squints as his eyes adjust to the change of brightness.

"We shouldn't be too far from the top, from that map we got earlier." He doesn't remember a map at all and she can tell from his face. "Whatever, let's go."

She tugs his hand toward the wall, looking for somewhere to start climbing. And when she lets go to start climbing, Jax ignores the way it feels.

Instead, he focuses on the warmth he still feels, tries to commit to memory the way her hand had fit in his, and follows her up the mountain.

Chapter Text

Pomni was pleasantly surprised by her first adventure in the circus. It had been fun in a way, despite the… tense company.

Still, it had been exhausting, and she had completely forgotten she'd wanted to talk to Ragatha, aiming straight for her bedroom. Sleeping with the ruffles and everything isn't the best, but she has to make do since none of it seems to come off.

She makes a note to complain to Caine about it the next time she sees him. And maybe try to get some other clothes out of it too. She's not sure why they can't change clothes outside of adventure, but she doesn't like it.

A few days pass. Zooble and Gangle keep their distance, for reasons she's not privy to. Jax and her hang around, he shows her around the circus, and the different rooms that are available to them.

That reminds her of something Caine had mentioned that first day, when he'd told her about the adventure he'd cooked up for her. That he'd made her a room with different types of things to do, tailored to her tastes.

Apparently something that had been done before she'd lost her memories, since she had been restrained to in-house adventures for a bit. She hadn't pressed Caine for any further details, but she does remember to check it out after bidding Jax goodbye.

Caine had described to her where it was, and after the grand tour Jax had given her, it was easier to try to find her way.

Up a flight of stairs, down the third hallway to the right-

She runs into someone, falling onto the floor with a dull thud.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Pomni. Here, let me help you up." It's Ragatha. Pomni takes her hand and let's her pull her to her feet.

Ensues a moment of awkward silence, where neither of them know what to say. They've barely talked since that day on the mountain where she'd tried to convince Pomni that Jax was up to no good.

Maybe he is, but that's her mistake to make, isn't it?

"Were you going somewhere? Maybe we could go together! I've been hoping to spend some time with you, actually." She says, slightly abashed.

"Um. Sure?" She's not sure Ragatha will actually want to participate in whatever there is in that room Caine made for her. She didn't get many details herself, just that she could choose between a number of adventures to participate in by herself. He mentioned scaling up one of the climbing one he'd made for the one they'd went on.

Pomni starts to walk, and Ragatha follows. It's weird she doesn't ask where they're going, but she figures Ragatha is scared to somehow offend Pomni.

"Caine mentioned he'd made a room with… adventures. For me. I wanted to check it out. See what I could do there." She shrugs.

"Oh! You'd mentioned that. You'd done one and had fun." She's joyful, which is something Pomni can't say.

Ragatha doesn't seem mean or anything like that. But there's something about her that unnerves Pomni. Maybe it's years of not being taken seriously, or the toxic positivity enforced in her workplace, both things that Ragatha seems to embody.

Maybe there's just something wrong with Pomni. Maybe she'll never know. The why doesn't really matter in the end, because the result is the same.

"Would you mind if I joined you? It'd be great to do something together."

Pomni isn't sure Ragatha will enjoy it, since their hobbies seem to be so different. But Ragatha seems so eager, she'd feel bad if she refused. "If you want to. I think there are options, so you can choose." She wrings her hands, unsure what to do.

Ragatha beams at her. Soon, they're in front of the door.

"Do we need to do something in particular before entering the room?" Ragatha asks, glancing curiously to the inconspicuous looking door.

"I'm… not sure." She admits. Well, there's only one way to find out, isn't there? Her hand reach for the handle and she opens it.

It's a very small room, with only enough space for the two of them to huddle in. There's nothing save for the screen that lights up as soon as they step inside. It shows multiple icons, label things like 'Parkour: easy' and 'Climbing: hard'.

"Huh." Pomni slides her finger on the screen, and more options slide in. There's… a lot. Each icon shows a preview of the place they'll be in, which ranged from creepy houses to open hills. "That's actually really cool."

Ragatha is also looking through the options. "It's a weird assortment of things, though. What do you think 'open world' means?" She points to one with a picture of a grand castle that looks to be made of candy.

"Probably just a big place to walk through with no objective. That could be fun." She shrugs. The castle doesn't really interests her, but if it's made of candy it could be fun to see if she could actually eat it. Getting into vaults or something similar could be entertaining.

Ragatha turns away from the screen to look at her. "So, which one do you want to do?"

"You can pick. I can do these anytime I want, so pick the one you want to do."

Ragatha frowns, before turning back to the screen and scrolling through the options, quite focused. She looks like she's choosing the fate of a country instead of picking a mini-game.

She ends up pointing to one that reads 'Spying mission: easy'. "That could be fun?" She doesn't sound sure, but Pomni nods anyways. This one's picture shows a mansion filled with well dressed people.

Pomni clicks, and it shows a small description. 'Get into the owners private office and steal important documents. Navigate the mansion and it's guest, and try to complete side objectives such as : poison a designated guest, steal a piece of jewellery and get someone to admit to an illegal activity.'

"This one?" Pomni confirms. Ragatha doesn't seem all that hyped about it, but she agrees. Pomni presses the 'Start' button.

She blinks and they're no longer in the cramped space. Instead, they stand at the entrance of a luxurious mansion. Ragatha is wearing a long black dress with a slit, while Pomni is in a black suit. She loosens the tie that's just a bit too tight around her neck and undoes the first button.

Ragatha clears her throat, looking pointedly at the door. "S-So, we should— go in?"

"Are you good?" Pomni asks, but Ragatha goes to the door. It's unlocked, and they enter. The mansion is as grand inside as it is outside. A faceless NPC welcomes them, and guides them to the dining room.

"How are we supposed to complete the mission?" Ragatha whispers into Pomni's ear, sounding very anxious.

"We'll figure it out?" Pomni flashes her a smile, hoping to help her calm down. It mustn't be very convincing, because Ragatha looks even more anxious, face a little red and looking away.

She sighs. This is going to be a very long adventure.

They are brought to an NPC with a computer head, which introduces itself as their host. Pomni immediately notices the rather large key that peeks out of it's pocket.

Well, the main objective is clear. Get the key, find the office, get in and out without being seen. Leave the premises. [BEEP] the side objective. The completionnist side of her knows that she'll come back to do the side quests, but there no reason to subject Ragatha to that when she looks like she'd rather be anywhere else.

"Feel free to grab a drink at the bar, darlings." their host tells them, and goes to welcome another NPC into their home.

"Come on." Pomni walks to the bar, and orders a drink for herself and Ragatha. Something non-alcoholic, because she has no intention of doing this drunk.

The both of them sit as the barman makes their drinks. "Did you see the key the host has in his pocket?" She asks in a low voice to her partner for this. Ragatha nods.

"Are we supposed to… steal it from him?" She sounds slightly horrified at the prospect.

"Well, yeah? How else do you want to do this? I can't pick a lock that well, we'd get caught before we could get in the office."

Ragatha looks about to add something, or maybe protest, but the barman gives them their drink. Pomni shoots him a thanks, and focuses back on the host.

"I can't steal from someone." Ragatha admits while Pomni is busy wondering how to steal the key from the guy without anyone noticing.

Pomni wonders why Ragatha chose this when it's clear she doesn't like the concept of sneaking around and stealing stuff, but she already knows. Ragatha picked something she hoped Pomni would like. Probably in an effort to get to know Pomni better.

She takes a deep breath, recalling her conversation with Jax in the cave. "Ragatha?" She whispers, turning to face her. Ragatha is looking down at Pomni, eye wide and scared. "We can do this. We're here to have fun, and steal [BEEP] from a bunch of rich people. All of this is fake, and there won't be consequences, okay?" she tries to reassure her.

Ragatha takes a shaky breath. "I-I'm not sure, Pomni. I should've chosen something less… stressful."

"I get that this isn't your element, but everything is going to be fine. This can only be fun if we're both having fun. It's never enjoyable to do something with someone who doesn't want to be there. So we can either find a way to get out of this adventure, or see it through." She gives her an out. Walking away from the manor will probably end the adventure, right?

Ragatha chews on her lip. "I… guess it could be fun to try something new?"

Pomni decides that she actually doesn't care about sounding silly right now. Ragatha is wringing her hands, looking anxiously around. She sighs, and gets into character. Hopefully she can at least make her laugh.

"Ragatha. We are the best spies of our agency-"

"Thaaat's not what the blurb said-"

"Shhhhh." She shushes her. "We are the very best spies. And these people are… horrible people who…"

Ragatha seems to catch Pomni's drift. "They kidnap orphans… to sell their organs on the black market?" Pomni snaps her finger at her, smiling brightly.

"Exactly! And we need to get proof to save those orphans."

Ragatha gets into character too, laughter barely kept at bay. She still seems a little out of her element, but maybe they can have fun with this.

"Okay, so agent R, here's the plan."

Ragatha lets out a little giggle, and they plan while drinking their cocktail. If they order a few more rounds, well it's not them paying, so it doesn't matter.

Ragatha does end up managing to play her part, and Pomni retrieves the key while she's apologising for bumping into TV guy.

They rejoin in the corridor and rush upstairs. There isn't many people, and they try the key on every door until one open, and they sneak in and close it as they hear footsteps getting closer to them.

Ragatha slumps against the desk, and let out a deep breath.

They share a look as the footsteps come and pass. Neither of them say anything until the sound has faded, and then they both bust out laughing.

"This was so stressful! I thought he was going to turn around and catch you." Ragatha whines.

"It was fine! I totally had got it. I was so discreet." she defends herself.

"You dropped the key! While stealing it!" Ragatha laughs.

Pomni stammers for a moment, because yes she did do that. "A guy walked into me while I was taking it. It's not myfault!"

It takes a few minutes of back and forth, laughing at how terrible they both are as spies, before they remember they have a file to steal.

"Okay, I'll try to figure out the code of this vault, and you look through the desk?" Ragatha nods, and they get to work.

She just tries a bunch of codes. There's probably something around that would tell her, maybe it's someone's birthday or whatever. But she doesn't feel like combing through the office, and she can just try numbers while listening to Ragatha tell her everything she sees in the drawers.

"Oh, this watch is pretty. Are those diamonds?" Ragatha holds out a very ornate watch to her.

"Pocket it. We needed to steal jewellery for a side quest anyways."

"Does a watch count as jewellery?" Ragatha asks. Pomni shrugs unhelpfully, and Ragatha puts in on her wrist. It's a bit bulky compared to the rest of her jewellery, but it doesn't look too out of place on her.

The vault opens, and startles. She fails to get away fast enough and the door smacks her in the face.

"Are you okay?" Ragatha drops whatever she'd been holding to rush to her side. Nothing feels broken, and the pain fades away quickly.

"I'm fine, is the file in there?"

Ragatha looks less than convinced, but the file is in the vault.

"Great! Now we can finish this adventure." Ragatha sounds relieved. The small vial of poison sits heavy in her pocket, but she can tell killing is probably a line that Ragatha isn't ready to cross.

She doesn't mind it in the context of the game. If it was someone from the circus, she might feel a bit bad, but in this case, she's not too pressed.

"Yeah, let's go back." Pomni stands up, and Ragatha looks more excited at the prospect of finishing this than she had been at any point of this.

Well, she probably had more fun that she'd have expected, so Pomni can be proud of herself.

They manage to get all the way downstairs before seeing anyone. It might be a butler that stops them, but since all the basic NPCs look the same it's unclear. He asks about Ragatha's watch, and Pomni has to painfully watch as she tries to come up with an excuse.

"Oh! Um, well. It's a-a watch. A watch I got. Somewhere. Not here. A… store. A watch store." It's horrible to watch, and the butler doesn't say anything as Ragatha digs her own grave. Pomni uses the distraction to dump the small vial of poison into someone's drink. The NPC doesn't react despite Pomni's lack of subtlety.

"It was a gift…from a guy that likes her." Pomni diverts the attention from Ragatha before she bursts a seam. "Isn't it so pretty?"

"It is." And it's off, walking straight into a wall.

Pomni almost pities it. But Ragatha tugs at her arm and they finally leave the mansion.

As she thought, once they get out of the driveway, they're back into the small room.

'Mission success!' is on the screen with tiny confetti. Under it is written 'two out of three objective finished'.

"Oh thank goodness it's over." Ragatha sags back. "I'm going back to my room. I'm exhausted."

Pomni bids her goodbye. It probably wasn't as fun as it could have been, but Ragatha tried her best.

It probably wasn't the bonding opportunity that Ragatha had hoped for. Maybe next time Pomni will try to figure out what she likes.

Chapter Text

Jax likes Ragatha less and less as the days pass.

She hasn't done anything to Jax. Not directly. But she's hoarding Pomni.

One day, Ragatha was acting like Pomni was made of glass, and a single wrong word would shatter her beyond repairs, the next she's following the little jester everywhere.

Next to her on the couch, knocking on her door to hang out, knitting next to her right outside the tent.

It's not even like she stopped being overbearing. If anything, she's smothering Pomni in praise and compliments for existing. And Pomni doesn't send her to go [BEEP] herself.

It's clear Pomni doesn't appreciate Ragatha's attitude these days. She's asked to hang out a bit too often, and always away from the commonly frequented areas. But she doesn't avoid Ragatha.

She's nice to Ragatha. And she seeks Jax out as a distraction when the doll gets too much.

He hates it. He's not a distraction. And he hates the fact that Pomni might like spending time with Ragatha more than with him. There's nothing that would confirm this, but it's a thought that rattles around his head everytime he sees them together.

That's how he finds himself standing outside of Pomni's door.

"Oh. Hey Jax." She's alone in there, which is almost rare theses days. He does peek at a forgotten ball of yarn and those things Ragatha uses to knit. It make his blood boil that the rag dolls things are in Pomni's room. None of his stuff is in her room. Maybe he should bring a few things in there, sneak them in while she's elsewhere.

"Did you plan to do anything this afternoon?" He asks, pleasant and not letting his anger show through, but he doesn't let her answer, cutting her off as soon as her mouth opens. "Of course not, so come on." He waves at her to follow.

There's silence at first, and he has to fight very hard the urge to look back. But he doesn't, and he keeps on walking until he hears bells jingle and the quick beat of her footsteps as she jogs to catch up to him.

"Where are we going? You know, you can just ask if you want to do something." He grins at her pout. She's trying to look mad, but he doesn't buy it.

"Y'know, it's hard to take you seriously with these ruffle 'round your neck. Do they come off?" He tugs at them, and she bats his hand away.

She doesn't look very pleased with his behaviour, sighing. "No. Caine has doomed me to an existence of being seen as silly."

He chuckles. "Don't worry, Pom. At least you're cute. Look at me, I'm a rabbit. I don't even have a shirt. Caine has doomed me to sleep in jeans. And you're complaining? How selfish."

A smile tugs at her lips as he speaks. He's pretty sure she's not even paying attention to where they are going when she doesn't react when he hold the tent's flap up for her to pass.

He leads her away from the circus, not paying the Sun any attention as they walk. "At least you have height. I struggle to get into my own bed some days."

"AH! That's hilarious. We should get you a step stool." She hits him in the arm as he makes fun of her. "Honestly, I think I could probably throw you like a ball. Maybe do some skips at the lake if you stayed still enough."

She giggles at this. "Don't you dare try that." She warns him lightly. He has the urge to do it anyways, just to see what would happen.

Soon enough, they are near enough the fair that the music playing there reach them. Pomni looks curiously at their destination.

"Is it a fair or an amusement park?" She asks like it matters. He shrugs and pulls her to the gates. The NPC taking care of the ticket booth lets them enter without a fuss. He's not sure Caine understands the point of a ticket booth, since he never implemented a ticket system.

Jax isn't sure Caine understands what a fair is even supposed to be. The place is far too large, with any possible attraction you could think of. A multitude of rollercoaster, bigger than anything he ever rid in real life, each with a different theme. A funhouse that takes a good hour to complete, a ferris wheel that goes above the clouds. Rows and rows of arcade games and claw machines. Food stands that serve anything from corn dogs to caviar.

Amongst the array of options, Jax is sure to find something that Pomni will like.

She's looking around, maybe a little overwhelmed. There's a lot of options after all.

"You hungry? Or do we need to ride the craziest rollercoaster to make some space down there?" He teases and she makes a face.

"I'll… pass on the rollercoaster. I don't really like them. I always feel like I'm about to fly away or fall."

"It's the point!" She rolls her eyes. "Fine, let's do a boring ride, then. How abouuuuuut…" He looks around for something. "Bumper cars?" This ride is large, spanning wide with plenty of space to drive into each other and make risky turns, with three walls to delimit the area from the rest, lighted in neon lights.

She gives him a look. "You just want to run me over." But her eyes find it and she walks toward it. There are NPC's waiting, ready to fill the unused cars. They stand in a line next to the ride, and Pomni eyes them warily.

She takes the blue car, and with her in it, the car barely looks like a bumper cars. He gives a loud laugh. "It's you sized!" He jokes as she gives him a bored look.

He chooses the red car. He's too tall for it, and it's not really comfortable to sit in. He does manage to wrestle himself in it in a way he can reach the pedals without getting cramps once he'll be out. The NPC's have filled out the remaining cars while he was doing that.

"Ready Pompom?" He calls out. She's got a look in her eyes that can't be good, and she starts her bumper car.

She aims straight for his. "Hey! Let me start mine before-" she bumped into his car, hard. Jax's car slides away and bumps into a wall.

Pomni laughed, loud and carefree. It's a wonderful sound, probably the most beautiful thing he's ever heard, until it's cut off by a screech. A NPC in a green bumper car smashes their car into hers, sending hers to slide off for a few seconds.

He laughs at her this time, and starts his car. Immediately, he aims for the green car, driving fast and sending it and the purple car behind it to hit the wall. Pomni's mouth make an O shape as she stares at it. He uses the distraction to get his revenge and slams his car into hers.

She screams as her bumper car slide away, and she barely manages to make a turn before she joins the two NPC that are still hugging the wall.

They go at it for a few minutes, slamming into each other, screaming censored profanities and trying to run away from each other. At some point, the green car slams into Pomni as she was about to bump into Jax, and they end up teaming up to slam into the green car repeatedly while laughing.

By the time their time runs out, Pomni has tears in her eyes from how hard she was laughing, and the NPC in the green bumper is playing dead, probably hoping they'd give up on it.

"Okay." She giggles again, wiping her eyes. "Let's do something to get all that…" She makes a vague gesture toward him. "Violent energy out of you. I'm too scared you might throw me out of a ride otherwise."

He feigns offense. "Me? Pomni, how dare you. I would never throw you out of a ride. Not when I could have it run over you instead." She laughs again. Jax feels dizzy with it. His head swims as it replays the sound and commits it to memory.

In case she doesn't forgive him once she remembers, he'll at least have this. A day, untainted by anything negative happening.

He's going to make the best day of their [BEEP]ing life.

They stumble on the stand where you can shoot balloons to get prizes. There's plushy version of everyone in the circus —Caine's being the one requiring the most amount of point— including a small Pomni with her huge eyes and cute pout. It even has the ruffles and everything. It's absolutely adorable and he cannot win this without seeming like a loser.

"Hey, it's you!" she points to the one of himself.

"Want me to win it for you?" He teases, and doesn't wait for her answer. He grabs the gun, and starts shooting. He spins it around and throws it, adding as much flourish and dramatics in hopes to seem cool, or at least entertaining.

One by one, he shoots every balloon. "How do you do that?" That is until he looks at Pomni, gaping at him with her huge bugs eyes that make him fold, and he misses the last one.

He doesn't let the shame he feels at missing show. He spins the gun around his finger, leaning on the counter. "This? It's not really hard." She raises an eyebrow, waving her hand in a 'hurry up' gesture. It makes his heart skip a beat and he stumbles with the gun, it clatters loudly to the ground.

She snickers, hiding it behind a gloved hand when he glares at her. He snatches it back from the ground, straightening up. "Cartoon logic! If you believe in it, the circus doesn't know better. You can basically do anything if you're delusional enough. You could fire this gun even if it doesn't have ammunition if you believe it does." He shrugs.

She fights a smile, looking barely impressed. "Can I try?"

"Sure." She takes the gun from his hand. It's oddly reminiscent of that day, the one he's trying very hard not to think about.

She fiddles with the gun for a moment. Her posture is just as realistic as the last time, and she looks just as unsure. He's pretty sure she hasn't used a gun often before the circus. Neither had he, if he's honest, but he's had fun with them since he got here.

"You're doing it wrong." He comes up and adjusts her stance, literally manhandling her into a looser position. She tenses up under his fingers, and the pink circles on her cheek gets darker and bigger.

He realises how near he is to her face. If he leaned even a tiny bit forward, their lips would meet. He can feel her breaths on his face, can hear the pounding of her heart, or maybe it's his-

The gun fires, startling the both of them. Jax leaps back, and he leans in what he hopes is a relaxed stance against the counter. Pomni looks at the popped ballon with surprise. "Huh." She looks at the gun again.

She spins it like Jax had a few minutes ago, and shoots another, blowing it up and leaving a bullet hole in the wall behind. Excitement feels her face, much like it had the last time. "See! You've got it." She smiles up at him.

It's such a beautiful smile, and there's no else to see it. It makes him feel some type of way.

The fact this is strikingly similar to a date hits him in the face hard. He grabs the big plushy of him, thinking about it being in Pomni's room. Would she sleep with it? It makes him flush even more than he already is. "There you go. Wouldn't want ya to miss me."

She grabs it when he shoves it in her arms, and she blinks down at it for a few seconds where Jax's mind is screaming that he's being cringe and weird and that this was going to end up shredded to pieces once Pomni gets her memories back.

She squeezes it, hiding the lower part of her face into the top of the plushies head. Jax learns he can be jealous of a toy of himself. It's a very weird feeling to want Pomni to wrap her arms around his neck and burrow against him-

"Come on! Let's do the haunted house." He walks away, his face burning up.

Pomni refused the haunted house, to Jax's disappointment and relief. He was really hoping for her to get scared and hold onto him, but he knew if he got scared he'd be puking all over, ruining the whole day for himself.

They do the funhouse instead, which takes a good hour usually. It takes them what Jax's guess is two hour and a half. They spend at least fifteen minute trying to find their ways around the hall of mirrors. It's not a large room, could be done in five minutes while struggling a bit. But Jax wasn't looking at where he was going, slammed into a mirror, and they spent too long doubled over in laughter.

They'd laughed so much they'd cried, which had only made it so much harder to see what was a mirror and what wasn't. Jax's face was aching after they'd managed to giggle their way out.

Next is the rollercoaster. It takes some convincing, but she agrees. Which is to say Jax annoys her until she gives up and lets him drag her toward the one with the least amount of loops. He wants to ride rollercoaster with her, not to make her hate him.

She screams a lot. She holds onto his arm, her grip tight enough that she would have cut off his blood circulation if he'd had a real body. He loved the feeling, painful enough that he couldn't have ignored it even if he had wanted to, in a way that would have the feeling linger once they stepped off the ride. It just felt so real.

In a daze, he allowed Pomni to drag him away from the rollercoasters. They did a few more rides.

They did the teacups, and tried to make them spin as fast as possible while crackling loudly. A few more shooting type stuff. Filling balloons up with water, knocking down cans. They spend a while at the claw machine trying to get weird plush Pomni declared was 'cute in a messed up way'.

The ferris wheel dooms over them the whole time. Jax keep wanting to suggest it and chickening out at the last second. The day is slowly ending, they have done every type of ride available —excluding the haunted house adjacent ones— but the ferris wheel.

Is it too date-y? Would Pomni think he's coming onto him? Would it make it weird? His mind is reeling as they walk, looking for what to do before wrapping the day up. What do people even do on the ferris wheel? Talk? Look around? Is it too boring for Pomni? He knows she's not afraid of heights, so maybe she'd like it, but it might be too intimate-

"Hey, we haven't done the ferris wheel." She noted, like it was an afterthought and not something haunting Jax for the past hour. "We can't leave without doing the ferris wheel." She frowns, like Jax has done a grave mistake by not suggesting it earlier.

Did he mess up? Is there some kind of secret etiquette for fair dates that he's not aware of?

He doesn't get to think it any further, Pomni is walking toward the wheel, a huge thing in red and white, full of glittering lights. He knows the seats are cushioned and comfortable, and that this ride's lengths varies on the people inside and how much they want to stay or not.

Pomni hops inside, the gap between the cabin and the ground a bit too large for her to just step inside. It's so cute, and he wonders if next time, he could grab her and carry her inside.

If they are friends by then. He shoves the thought away.

They sit. Pomni watches through the window as they slowly rise up. Jax watches her. The cabin is lighted in soft warm light, and it's just making Pomni look even better.

Jax is ignoring his growing crush extremely badly, he realises.

He's never been good at that sort of things. Not before the circus, and certainly not now. He has no idea what to do about it.

The circus is a particular kind of hell. He's not sure dating is in the card for them, or how that would work. Or if Pomni would want to date someone in the circus.

Well, she was very interested in that gummy guy. With the Australian accent that's apparently not the thing she liked about him, since she didn't seem particularly fond of it while Jax was playing the Australian extremist.

"Did you have fun?" She asks him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah." He snorts. He wouldn't have gone here if he knew it would be boring. He [BEEP]ing loved the fair. She eyes him expectantly. "Did you?" He finally managed to get out.

"Yes. It's was fun. I didn't remember there was a fair here. No one mentioned it either." She muses as her eyes slide back to the view. They're high enough that they can see the tent stand proudly.

"We all kind of forget. From time to time, Caine will drag us here for an indoor adventure, so we're not eager to come back after we've been forced to 'have fun' by Caine." Zooble particularly hates the fair. Ragatha says it's lovely, but never goes on her own or suggest going.

She hums. The stars reflects on her eyes while she watches them. He's doing everything he can not to think the words pretty or cute.

Those are the only words fitting to describe her. Well, someone with a broader vocabulary might have more words to describe the view Jax has, but Jax isn't someone with a board vocabulary.

The only thing he can think while the wheel takes it's sweet time getting them back to the floor is how unfairly, painfully pretty Pomni is.

That night, Jax sneaks into the fair, all the way to the shooting game. It doesn't take too long to win Pomni's plushy. He even has the time to shoot every plushies of Ragatha, and a few of Zooble. Just to let go of some steam.

The little jester plushy is put on his bedside table. He's not ever inviting anyone in his room now.

Jax is so [BEEP]ed.