Archive of Our Own

“He’s a liability!”

Zoro flinches as the cook’s words ring into his mind, from where he’s leaning against the Sunny’s railing.

The Sun has yet to set, but Zoro’s mood has considerably darkened over the last few hours. They barely escaped from Egghead with everyone as it is, and instead of protecting the crew-

“Stupid moss-head, putting the entire crew in danger!”

Zoro’s jaw clenches hard, his teeth grinding against each other with the force of it, but he barely registers the pain that comes from it, his jaw long abused with his three-sword style. He’s trained his jaw hard enough that this type of pain is negligible; the real pain comes from-

“You are only the dead weight holding your friends back! Am I wrong…?”

At first, Zoro had just brushed Lucci’s words off, only considering them for the taunting they were, but then-

“You’re a pack of fools, unable to cut loose a single member for the good of the rest!! As long as you’re still alive, your friends are trapped here…”

But then, he wasn’t entirely wrong, was he? Their crew just wasn’t one to give up on one another. No matter the situation or the danger, they’d face it together and overcome it all in the end, but-

That was the issue, wasn’t it?

Zoro’s eyes prickle as he throws his head back, the pint still in his hand following the movement as he drinks the emotion away, washing it all down his throat.

He wasn’t supposed to be caught up in a fight when his crew needed him elsewhere, especially not when he could have put an end to it earlier. He could have, but he didn’t. He knew that they were trying to escape, that they were in a hurry, but he enjoyed the fight Lucci provided, and instead of cutting it short like he could’ve, he prolonged it and delayed his crew, who were waiting on him to make their escape.

That was entirely on him. And the cook knew that too.

When did he become the one dragging them down into danger instead of being the protector he had vowed to be? When did his love for fighting overpower his senses and reason to the detriment of his crew? The ones he swore to protect and who became his motivation to get stronger as much as his dream was?

He needs to get his head back into the game. He needs to reassess his priorities and make sure they align with their current situation.

He didn’t use to need to.

He was usually on the same page as everyone else.

When did that change?

When did HE become a burden they have to drag along because he wanders away from their goal?

(The numerous times he remembers his crew fetching him because he had apparently strayed from the path and gotten lost do not count. It’s not his fault that things keep moving around instead of staying in place, like his swords do. He always knows where to find them.)

Franky’s voice brings him back to the present from where he stands across from him, also leaning against a railing.

“It’s so quiet…”

“Are they done partying?” Jimbei asks, not turning from the helm as he keeps the Sunny at a steady rhythm next to the Giant Pirates’ own ship.

He decided to pass on the festivities as he still needed to stir the Sunny so it didn’t go astray. The Giants offered to tie it and drag it along their ship, but he had refused. After the events of the day, stirring the Sunny helped him settle, so he was actually looking forward to it.

Plus, he isn’t used to the Straw Hats’ post-battle parties just yet and still feels a bit awkward, looking for something to do for his new crew on the ship and out on the field and battleground. Stirring the Sunny gives him a purpose. He is the Straw Hat crew’s helmsman after all, and he takes pride in it.

He’d probably take them up on their offer in the evening though.

“Sounds like they only had one mug each.”

Not much of a party for Franky, especially with the absence of the bright laughter of their captain, and recently dubbed sun god, which usually brightens up any gathering. Vegapunk’s death must have hit him much harder than he thought.

Jimbei seems to be on the same wavelength as him as he continues the conversation.

“I didn’t think Luffy would feel so down.” Jimbei says as he thinks back to Luffy despondently hanging near the table after Vegapunk’s death has been confirmed by Chopper, who took care of the body that Sanji had brought on board. By the time Chopper got there, there was nothing more he could do.

“If I pack my belongings, may I re-quasar a trip out to sea with you?”

“I mean, I know we didn’t fulfill our goal, but…” They still escaped relatively unscathed, didn’t they? Even after being up against the highest authority of the World Government, they got away with their whole crew intact. It’s much more than Jimbei could say for literally anyone else who might have been in the same situation.

“It was the five elders, a navy admiral, CP0, the Seraphim, and a blockade of battleships! It’s such a miracle that we escaped that hell, I still can’t entirely wrap my mind around it!!”

Franky can barely comprehend what happened on Egghead, and he was there. At one point, they were just hanging out with Vegapunk, talking about his discoveries and listening to his knowledgeable genius, and the next thing he knew, the whole island was a sea of fire, and they were running for their lives, chased by monsters taken from the darkest nightmare.

How the hell did any of that happen in reality is frankly beyond him. Which he should be getting used to, considering the captain he has chosen to follow.

“And I totally agree. Still…”

Jimbei remembers Luffy’s bright expression when he first agreed to take Vegapunk away, the easy acceptance, and the smile he wore at the prospect of riding off with Apple-ossan, as he had promptly dubbed him, on board.

“Sure, why not? Your head looks funny.”

Zoro clenches his mug a bit tighter as he takes another sip.

If Luffy is that down because of this old man he barely knew dying, what would happen if he was the one to-

“This is pathetic. He’s one of the Four Emperors now… and he’s moping over one geezer dying.”

Luffy is on his way to becoming King of the Pirates.

Their enemies will get much stronger and attack them much more fiercely, as they are now a Yonko crew. People wanting to take them down, people wanting to take their title, people fearing what they would become- there is a large diversity of motivations for wanting to go after them now.

People dying in a fight that fierce is inevitable. He himself had so many close calls in their journey that it wouldn’t be surprising if- if…he doesn’t make it after one of those in the future.

Zoro is actually pretty self-aware about this. The only reasons he is still standing among the living are their amazing crew doctor’s abilities and sheer willpower to make it through.

But one day, maybe… maybe they just wouldn’t be enough to keep him anchored here.

He doesn’t want his death to hinder Luffy and the crew in their journey.

“…dead weight…”

He doesn’t want to drag his crew down.

“Oh, c’mon…”

Franky wants to admonish Zoro more, but his mouth clamps shut when he catches Jimbei subtly shaking his head towards him, his eyebrows slightly pinching into a frown.

Feeling like he’s missed something, Franky decides against pursuing the issue and drops the subject, engaging in a talk about his ship of dreams with Jimbei instead, reminding him that he just has to show him his suuupeeer surfing with the Sunny when he next gets the chance. The crew from Whole Cake Island had praised Jimbei’s skill to heaven and beyond, and Franky is dying to finally see it for himself.

He does spare Zoro part of his attention though, and he notices him looking more subdued than usual- which is saying something because Zoro has never been the most talkative or rambunctious person around, not counting his daily (hourly?) fights with their resident cook.

He usually stays in the crew’s circle though, watching over them and smiling along to their antics, part of the party in his own way without letting his guard down in case of a potential threat. Zoro was always fully aware of his surroundings and correctly locating any danger despite being unable to go down a straight line.

Franky has stopped wondering how that worked.

Still, Zoro is also usually never too far from his captain, his loyalty and protectiveness shown in those tiny details of their daily life. It seemed to him like he always had to have him in his eyesight, however reduced that perimeter had become after their two-year separation.

Now, Zoro is on an entirely different ship than his captain and doesn’t seem intent on changing that any time soon.

Franky throws a concerned glance Zoro’s way as he continues discussing with Jimbei.

Jimbei’s frown deepens as he catches it.

There is something wrong with Zoro after all.

————

Later that evening, Zoro finds a different railing to contemplate his choices against, as the one next to the figurehead is just too visible from the other ship, while what he needs is privacy.

He could have gone up in the crow’s nest, but that’s the first place anyone would come looking for him, and tonight, he didn’t really feel like entertaining anyone else. Luffy’s smile and laughter has come back in full force after the revelation that they hadn’t actually failed at taking Vegapunk off of Egghead (he still didn’t get how someone could be dead and not dead at the same time- wasn’t it about someone’s cat? Vegapunk was human, right? …was he?) and his infectious smile had brought a sincere one on Zoro’s face as well.

It lasted until someone (Usopp) mentioned how scared he had been during the whole ordeal, with stronger enemies showing up one after another and how he would’ve thought they’d never have the chance to escape multiple times if he wasn’t such a brave warrior of the seas, and Zoro remembered exactly why they took so much time to make their escape.

“You are only the dead weight holding your friends back!”

And just like that, his mood dimmed, and his smile got a lot harder to keep from slipping off his face.

Zoro was still in the center of the party with the rest of his crew, and he did not want to bring anyone else’s mood down with his.

So he waited until the crew started to explode into smaller groups among the giants and mumbled something about watching out for the Sunny before hopping down on the smaller ship.

Hidden from view behind the galley, Zoro lets himself slide against the railing, his back facing the ocean, as his eye slips shut, effectively cutting his visual sensory intake off as he focuses inside.

Zoro is used to meditation and can usually find his focus in a few seconds, but this time, it just keeps slipping away.

The silence enveloping the deck usually helps, but tonight, his mind is too restless to completely let go, and Zoro frowns in frustration. Great. So even meditation is out of the equation now? How is he supposed to figure anything out if he can’t even quiet the noise and find the source of his unrest?

“Huh, guess plants like to reconvene at night.”

Great.

The last person he wants to see right now is the one stumbling upon him. He’d say he always is, actually, but-. He doesn’t make a hobby of lying to himself.

“Left with barely a word too, eh.”

Zoro hears the question behind his words but decides to ignore it.

He’s not in the mood to entertain the man.

Usually, he’d be too happy to take him up on the fight that’s sure to follow, but-

“What, you finally realized how much of a burden you are and want to gift us with your disappearance? A bit late to the uptake, uh.”

-tonight, it hits just a bit too close to home.

Sanji sees the flinch that his words elicit and inwardly winces. Maybe he should have chosen his words more carefully… especially after Jimbei personally came to tell him about it.

Sanji is just about to wander to see if the women need anything to eat after their drink when Jimbei clears his throat and subtly nods to the side when he's caught his attention.

Intrigued, Sanji follows him to the nearest empty spot, secluded enough for a private conversation that he didn’t think he’d be having tonight. What does Jimbei want with him now? Did something happen?

“I think something’s wrong with Zoro.”

Eh.

Definitely not what he thought he’d open with, but life is full of surprises, isn’t it?

“Really? The moss-head?”

Jimbei nods, ignoring the casual insult that he’s come to see is their norm, before continuing.

“I think it might have something to do with what you said about him on Egghead.” Sanji’s eyes widen in naked surprise.

“Me? You’re sure? We’re always exchanging jibes, it can’t be-”

“I’m sure.” Sanji’s mouth snaps shut as the words settle in the space between them. “He reacted pretty strongly to them. And he has been off since we left. Have you talked with him since?”

Sanji doesn’t think he said anything out of the ordinary for them though.

“He did?”

“Yes.”

Sanji tries to think back to what he said.

“Stupid moss-head, putting the entire crew in danger! He’s a liability!”

Oh.

He’d just said the truth though. He had been putting the crew in danger by prolonging a fight when he could’ve put an end to it ages ago.

Still, they’ve said similar things to each other in the past, and it never amounted to anything more than fuel to gear up and ignite themselves in a fight (quite literally for himself). Zoro’s mood could be entirely unrelated to this latest commentary, and yet- yet, Sanji can’t deny that Zoro hasn’t been where he would’ve expected him to be after the fight. He’s more the type to hover around the crew, or mull over his own shortcomings while training (more often against their doctor’s orders).

Right now, he’s doing neither (to his knowledge), so maybe there is something wrong with him after all.

“Okay. I’ll try to talk to him.”

Jimbei nods with a relieved smile before he turns to walk away.

Well, time to look for a lonely Marimo, huh?

“Fuck off.”

Not so lonely, huh.

And definitely upset with himself, if the defensive way he’s holding himself is anything to go by.

Well, shit.

Sanji did not envision their ‘talk’ going this way. For his defense, they usually talk more with their weapons than their words, but this is definitely not an option right now. Not when his sparring partner is not even up for a verbal spar…

He’s going to have to improvise, isn’t he?

Sanji ignores the weak glare aimed his way as he walks towards the railing, fully intent on taking a spot there and not moving until they’ve at least cleared things up. The swordsman clearly catches on to his intent, but only frowns upon his arrival and looks away. In their language, that is as much as an agreement to have a conversation together as he is going to get.

Taking a cigarette out of his pack, he takes the time to light it before breathing the nicotine in and letting it out again.

If he’s really going to have this conversation with him, he needs to steel his nerves before it.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on inside your mossy little head, but-” Sanji breathes in the smoke and holds it in before letting it flow out again, “-you being a burden for the crew is not actually a thing.”

Zoro scoffs at that. Loudly.

“You, of all people, are the one saying that?” Sanji tenses as his defenses go up.

“I only called you a liability on Egghead because you were one!” he exclaims, almost regretting it when he sees the tension his words provoke but pushes on, “You and I both know you could’ve put an end to that fight ages ago.” The ‘But you/I didn’t.’ goes unsaid on both parts, but as they look at each other in the eye, they can clearly see it reflected in each other’s eyes. “And maybe dragging it on was fine when you started said fight, but it quickly wasn’t anymore while you were in it. And you knew nothing about it because you didn’t have any communication gear. Why do you think I always have one on me?!”

Silence covers them for a few seconds as Zoro lets these words sink into his mind.

He did know they were in a hurry and that Lucci was to be kept away from the crew for good, but he indeed knew nothing about the happenings outside of his fight. Besides the strong haki he felt from time to time, he hadn’t realized how bad the situation truly was until he’d seen it for himself from over Jimbei’s shoulder. And by that time, there was no changing the decisions he had already made.

And that was the issue, wasn’t it? With no correct assessment of their current situation, he had put his crew in danger instead of protecting them from it. He had become a burden instead of the sword clearing the path he was meant to be.

Moreover, it wasn’t the first time.

In Wano, Franky had to look for him on a crumbling island because he wasn’t strong enough to win his fight against King and stay conscious after it. He almost hadn’t woken up again, facing the grim reaper without any way to fend it off, helpless against it, and that was part of the issue too, no?

Sanji sighs, catching the moss-head’s attention again as he does.

“You were a liability there, but you don’t have to stay one.” Sanji concludes as he watches the dark ocean spreading over the horizon in front of him, not wanting to drag it out much longer. “Besides, I’d trust you with my life any other time-”

Zoro scoffs again, and Sanji’s head whips towards him at the unkind sound, not comprehending where this was coming from.

“With your life? No.” Zoro levels him with a hard stare as he pronounces his next words, daring him to disagree with him. “You trust me with your death. Not with your life.”

Sanji’s already present frown deepens as fierce indignation makes his blood boil.

Here he was, trying to console this absolute brute, only for his goodwill to be thrown back to his face like this? What the hell???

“What the hell shitty swordsman-”

“Don’t even try. I know you don’t because you didn’t.” Sanji’s mouth snaps shut as confusion distorts his features, but Zoro continues undeterred by his obvious puzzlement. “But you do trust me to kill you when you see fit.” he finishes, and he sees some of the confusion dissipate from the cook’s gaze. He’s not the only one who remembers that call then.

Zoro turns away from his pensive rival as he looks back up towards the sky. Because before they are crewmates, they are rivals, aren’t they? Or maybe that’s all they actually are to each other. Zoro doesn’t know when he began to think they were more, that there was some kind of intangible trust between them. Or maybe there is one.

It’s just different from what he thought it was.

Sanji stares at Zoro’s overcast figure, thinking back to what he just said to him.

Zoro thinks he only trusts him to kill him?

That’s so wrong that he doesn’t even know where to begin to untangle it all. Where did that even come from anyway? He did refuse to explain why he’d made that (frankly desperate) call in the first place but- he didn’t think it would lead to that. How did he even create such a misunderstanding? And what does he mean, he didn’t trust him with his life?

He must have spoken this last question aloud without realizing, because Zoro actually starts to explain.

“You said you’d be back on Zou.” But why is he suddenly talking about Zou- “I told the rest to let you be.” Oh. That’s- well. That’s new information. “If they’d listened to me, you’d be dead by now.” And that’s- that’s probably true.

Zoro says it with such ease that if he didn’t know better, Sanji would think he’s talking about the weather. But Sanji sees the tense lines pulling Zoro’s body, the almost painful way he’s clutching at the hilt of Wado Ichimonji, and he knows it’s not indifference talking but remorse and… hurt?

Because he had trusted Sanji to come back, hadn’t he? He had trusted that he would say it if he couldn’t handle it by himself. But he didn’t. Because he truly believed he could, until he realized he was in over his head and refused to drag his crew, his family into his mess. Because he hadn’t trusted his crew to be willing to handle him with all his baggage. He hadn’t trusted them to help him when he needed it.

But how could he?

Sanji has learned from his earliest days that no one would help him if he were useless, a weakness to those around him, a failure. He’s learned that his pleas for mercy were to stay without answer, even from the ones supposed to be on his side. He’s learned that even family can turn against him if he falters and fails to meet their requirements, if he turns out to be useless to them.

Sanji is only now starting to realize how wrong he was in believing that, and trying his best to change, but he wasn’t in any position to see that back on Zou. And he hadn’t trusted them. He’d believed he could just quietly disappear from their lives without impacting them in any way. He thought he was replaceable.

Luffy has shown him how wrong he was.

His crew has shown him that more than needed, he was loved and cared for.

Sanji doesn’t know why it took him so long to realize that Zoro was part of that too.

“I’m sorry, Zoro.” Sorry for asking you to kill me like having my death on your hands would mean nothing to you. Like I mean nothing to you.

Zoro’s eye widens in surprise as he turns to stare at him before narrowing slightly.

After what feels like forever, it seems he’s found what he’s been looking for as he turns away from him and lets his eye slide shut once more.

“It’s fine.” Sanji goes to argue that it very much is not fine when Zoro continues with- “It’s not like you were entirely wrong not to anyway.” -and his mouth clicks shut because, what the hell??

A vein pulses on Sanji’s temple as realization dawns on him.

So Zoro actually believes he cannot be trusted with their lives after all??? That he’s a danger to them?? Here he was having an emotional moment before this shithead just dismissed all of his goodwill and emotions, when he tried his best to get through to this damn plant?!?

Sanji grabs Zoro by the collar and drags him up into his face before spitting his cigarette out towards the ashtray he brought with him when he arrived.

He’s tried the soft method. Now, he’s going to have to do this the hard way.

“Listen, you stupid moss-for-brains, and listen well!” Zoro scrambles for purchase as he tries to regain his balance after being dragged like this and ends up squeezing the railing and his swords as he stares into Sanji’s furious blue eye.

“You are not a burden to this crew! Sure, you could use some more awareness outside of your fights, but. You. Are. Not. A. Burden. To. This. Crew!”

Sanji spits this out like the notion has personally offended him, and if the whole situation hadn’t been so out of left field, Zoro would have made fun of him for taking his defense in this way. It’s actually pretty funny to see him so worked up when defending the one he’s usually the one having fun saying shit about. Or it would be if he weren’t so taken aback by the fierceness that Sanji is currently displaying.

“And you can be trusted with this crew’s lives! You have been before, and you’ve proven your worth over and over again! Why am I the one who has to talk some sense into that stupid head of yours?!? Can’t you think for yourself at all???”

Sanji abruptly pushes him away, seemingly fed up with this whole conversation, before he fishes out a new cigarette and lights it up. He doesn’t seem to care for Zoro stumbling away and catching himself onto the railing once more.

“That thing was my issue.” he says as he breathes out a perfect ring of smoke, “It had nothing to do with your inability to be trusted and everything with my inability to trust any of you with my burden. It was my fight.” he declares solemnly before looking back at the Sunny, “I just didn’t realize that I didn’t have to be on my own while facing it all.”

“…even if it was something from my past.” Sanji adds in a whisper, after a few seconds have passed.

Zoro isn’t even sure he’s talking to him anymore.

And maybe he really isn’t, but if he’s open to talking now-

“You asked me to kill you, cook.”

That makes Sanji’s attention snap back to him, and he finds the swordsman watching him with an unreadable expression. It’s not the first time he’s asked about that, but Sanji had evaded the question and they had fought, so he thought the subject was closed.

It seems like it very much isn’t.

“I asked you to kill me if I wasn’t in my right mind after the fight, which I very much was,” he counters, but Zoro doesn’t let it go that easily.

“You’ve never seemed to be in your right mind. How am I supposed to tell the difference?” Sanji’s temple pulses with irritation once more, ready to snap back at the stupid moss-head before he actually looks at him and sees the unspoken query on his face.

That’s not the look of a man looking for a fight; that’s the look of a man seeking clarity of a matter he cannot understand. One he had refused to explain further and had swept under the rug without a look back. Not gone, just hidden from sight.

It seems a lot of things have been hidden along with it.

He is not going to get away with avoiding the topic, is he?

Sanji turns back towards the ocean, breathing some nicotine from his cigarette before slowly releasing a cloud of smoke from his mouth.

He really didn’t think he’d be having this conversation today.

“Look, I don’t think you actually wanna hear my sob story- stop glaring at me, Mossy!” Sanji backtracks immediately and starts anew with a sigh.

“Long story short, my biological family is leading the evil army of Germa. The king wanted perfect soldiers, so he experimented on his children. I wasn’t up to his standards, so he discarded me, and after some time, I escaped.” Sanji can feel the mounting tension in Zoro’s body, but ignores it in favor of focusing on his story. “I thought this was the end of it. It should have been the end of it.”

“But it wasn’t.” Zoro murmurs with a frown, and Sanji glances at him before nodding in agreement.

“No, it wasn’t. Judge didn’t want to sacrifice any of his valuable children for an alliance with Big Mom, and that’s when he looked for me, the failure-” Sanji startles at the force of the growl released into the air and sends a wide-eyed glance towards Zoro before he pushes on, “-the failure he couldn’t erase. It was all too convenient for him to disregard his unwanted child once more into something that could finally be useful for him.”

Sanji’s voice is detached as he talks, as if he’s talking about someone else, or about something completely mundane. He thought he’d be more emotional talking about this, but he finds himself not feeling any emotion at all while talking about the Vinsmokes.

“And because the Vinsmokes are particularly cruel, they shackled me and dangled my loved ones’ lives over my head in case I didn’t go along with their plans. When Luffy arrived…” Sanji trails off as he recalls exactly what happened that day. “I didn’t know what to do. I pushed him away. Violently. He didn’t resist. I wanted him to leave. But it’s Luffy. Of course, he didn’t. Said I was the one hurting while hurting him, that idiot-” Sanji’s voice breaks as a sob fights its way out, tears springing to his eyes as he presses his palms against both his eyes. “He- he didn’t give up on me even when I already had. He fought for me and won. I met him halfway, and while we were making our escape after dealing with Big Mom, Niji must have slipped the raid suit can inside Luffy’s clothes. He found it later and gave it to me. I swore to never use it, but then- in Wano, I did. Three times. I think that triggered some changes in me, changes in my body.”

“…then during the fight..?” Sanji nods.

“Yeah, my body was feeling weird because of it. My skin is harder now, I’m faster too.” Sanji says as he hits himself to demonstrate, the sound of the impact is metallic when it used not to be. “Guess the suit activated the dormant enhancements that my siblings all had. Except-” Sanji has to stop and take a deep breath before continuing, “-except, what Judge wanted was soldiers unbothered by emotions like fear, love, or empathy. My brothers do not feel those emotions. Never did. And in Wano, I called you because-”

Sanji pauses again, taking a breath from his singeing cigarette before blowing the smoke away. Zoro waits for him in silence, letting him take the time he needs to find his words.

“I called you because I feared I was becoming like them. I don’t want to be an unfeeling monster like they are. I don’t want to- to just lose my emotions like that and hurt people I care about. That’s why- that’s why I asked you to end me if it came to that. You were the only one I could trust with something like that.”

“…I’m sorry for asking you to do that. I still mean it, but it’s fine now.” Or at least, he really hopes it is…

Zoro stays silent for a moment, taking it all in, before he answers.

“So, what you mean is that I was the only one strong enough to kill you and who wouldn’t take it too hard or fight you on it?” Zoro has stood up while talking, never facing away from Sanji, so he sees the full body flinch that rattles him, and he knows he has correctly understood the situation. Any satisfaction he might have felt at the cook recognizing his strength is overpowered by the bitterness of his assessment. “What am I?? Some kind of emotionless killing machine?!”

Zoro grabs Sanji’s collar, reversing their earlier situation as his blood begins to boil.

“What the hell, cook?! What was it that you envisioned? Me killing you and then being done with it?! Just going on without grieving your death or being suffocated by the knowledge that I am the one who did it? Am I really that heartless to you??”

The wind brushes Sanji’s bangs enough that Zoro can see realization flash through his blue eyes, and Zoro knows he’s said too much.

Shit!

Zoro brusquely releases Sanji and steps away from him, fully intending to end this whole conversation, but Sanji grabs his arm before he can.

Zoro could easily break free from his loose grip, but he finds himself unable to. He doesn’t want to face him right now though, so he doesn’t. Sanji seems to respect that, as his grip is just as loose as it first was.

“I…” Sanji trails off, clearing his throat before trying again, “I have 3 brothers: two older, Ichiji and Niji, and one younger, Yonji. Despite being younger, Yonji was stronger than me and loved to make this known, usually in fights that I had no means to win. He’s… he has green hair too.” Zoro immediately tenses in his hold, but Sanji doesn’t let go. “I’d never consciously associate you two, but unconsciously… maybe I did, without even realizing.”

From what Zoro has heard about the cook’s brothers, they’re about the worst kind of person and the last ones he’d want to be associated with. He doesn’t know what to think about it.

“At least at first.”

And just like that, Zoro freezes, body and mind, senses trained on the man behind him.

“When we first started this relationship of ours, we could have cordial conversations.” Sanji starts, reminiscing as he breathes some nicotine in and lets the smoke out. “And then, Little Garden happened, and you challenged my strength. I needed to prove I could hold my own, that I wasn’t that helpless kid I once was, relying on the mercy of others to live and eat. I could provide for myself by my own strength. You hit my buttons without realizing, the ones that used to be mercilessly pushed by my brothers.

“But then, you also cared in your own way. You had my back when I needed to, but still respected my strength. You keep picking up petty fights, but without intending to truly hurt. You look out for me, too, even when you pretend not to. You protected my dream instead of mocking me for it. You’re not like my brothers.”

Zoro glances back at Sanji over his shoulder and can only see sincerity reflected in his blue eye.

“I didn’t ask you to kill me because I thought you wouldn’t feel a thing while doing it. I asked you to do it because I know you always make decisions based on what’s best for this crew.” Sanji lets his words sink in before letting his hand slide off Zoro’s arm with his next words. “And back then, I thought I was becoming a danger for it.”

Understanding flashes into Zoro’s eye as he leans back against the railing, his eye fixed on the ground.

They shared the same fear. The fear of becoming a danger to the ones they swore to protect, if only to themselves and Luffy. The fear of becoming a liability for this crew. They were dreading it so much that they’d rather be gone than remain with the crew and endanger their crewmates.

But they also shared the same trust in each other. The one that, no matter what happens, they’ll always make the decision they think is best for their crew, even if it can be misguided by some elements. That’s why Zoro was never truly angry at Sanji for leaving half of their crew on their own when he left for Whole Cake Island. And why he never thought he’d neglected his role. The cook just had some screwed up view of himself. Growing up in this kind of environment, he couldn’t really blame him, but still, it doesn’t mean he has to just accept it.

“You’re not expendable.”

Sanji startles, turning back towards Zoro as he stares at him in shock. He didn’t expect these words to come from the swordsman, especially not after his little monologue.

“And you aren’t replaceable. If you ever left this crew, or were gone one way or another, Luffy would just starve and die and guilt-trip you into coming back.”

Sanji stares at the Marimo some more before a chuckle escapes his lips, closely followed by another, and another, until he’s full out laughing his lungs out and struggling to catch his breath.

Sanji sees the swordsman look at him in bewilderment from the corner of his eyes, but he can’t help himself or do anything to stop the fully blown out laugh he’s currently experiencing. Leave it to these two idiots to think of the same plan without even talking with each other. They always thought that their captain and first mate were on the same wavelength, but this is taking it one step further.

When Sanji can breathe again, he smoothly straightens up and wipes the tears that have gathered under his eyes.

“Yeah, somehow, I can see that happening,” he says with a happy smile, and Zoro stares as if trying to decipher the truth behind his words, the reason why his dead serious words elicited such a laugh from his rival and friend.

Whatever he finds seems to satisfy his curiosity because he simply nods before looking away, his posture now much more relaxed than it had been when Sanji first found him. It seems like he’s gotten through to him after all.

“If there’s an issue, we face it all together, right?”

Zoro’s satisfied smile is all the confirmation Sanji needs as he nods in response. Turning away, he starts to walk towards the galley when Zoro’s voice stops him in his tracks.

“…I’m not saying this to get out of a promise.”

Looking back at the swordsman from over his shoulder, Sanji finds him watching him with a complicated expression on his face, his eyebrows slightly pulling down into a frown.

“I know you’ll do it if it comes to it.” Sanji says calmly before breaking into a trusting grin, and Zoro’s face starts to smooth once more at the sight of it. “It’ll just be after trying everything else first.” While making sure I don’t actually hurt anyone I care about.

Sanji is rewarded with a small smile from Zoro as he nods his agreement, the relief of being understood taking away the last of his frown, and Sanji nods back before facing away, resuming his walk once more. He knows Zoro understood the last part too. But-

“And it’s the same for every other member of our crew: no one has to carry the burden alone; we face any issue together.”

Sanji doesn’t stop to see how Zoro reacts to his words, but he doesn’t need to. They’re not really the type to thank each other anyway.

Still, when he finds every chore he’d planned to do the next day done a few hours later, he knows his words have hit home.

They’ll face everything else together.

And if a too wide grin was witness to their late-night exchange, well, that’s only for the Moon’s alter to know.

————

Epilogue

When the cook approaches him the next day with a shit-eating grin on his face, Zoro already knows that he’s not going to like what he’s going to say.

“I heard that talking to plants is supposed to help them grow well. Did you?”

Irritation pulses through Zoro’s veins before a thought occurs to him, and it smooths his face into a smug grin that immediately rubs Sanji the wrong way, wiping the smile off his face.

“That's your way of admitting you’re jealous of my height, Twirlybrows?”

Sanji splutters in indignation.

“Who is jealous of you, shitty mosshead! The only reason you’ve got one centimeter on me is because of your shitty mossy hair, Marimo!”

“If telling yourself that helps you sleep better at night.”

Sanji’s lit foot is met with Kitetsu’s steel without delay as Zoro’s grin widens in anticipation of the fight that will follow. Blue and white flames lick Sanji’s leg as Zoro unsheathes his second sword.

“Are they serious right now?” Nami asks from where she’s watching their two idiots fight for the umpteenth time, as the rest of them are trying to find an escape from this weird city. “They couldn’t focus all that energy into getting out of this place??”

“Shishishi!”

Luffy grins at her from the ground, widely enough to rival the Sun, and Nami sighs. She knows a lost battle when she sees one.

“It’s Zoro and Sanji!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Nami agrees as she goes back to examining her surroundings to find a clue they might have missed.

As for Luffy, his grin just gets impossibly wider. He loves seeing his nakama get along with each other. Now, if he could only stop them from actually trying to kill each other…

Luffy purses his lips in thought, the motion also pulling his eyebrows together, before shrugging it off with an even brighter smile.

Oh well. We’ll figure it out together!