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Helen bought the ticket as an impulsive, spur of the moment decision. As soon as she clicked ‘buy’, she thought that it was probably a bad idea. But as she took her seat at the back of the stands in the stadium, she couldn’t ignore the butterflies fluttering within her stomach at the prospect of being moments away from seeing the woman that hadn’t left her mind in years.
Frankly, Helen was shocked at her own behaviour. Dumping her fiancée who she’d been with for 10 years, then buying a ticket to her ex-best friend turned 2 time Grammy nominee’s show was quite unlike her. But then again, Madeline Ashton had always been the one to pull Helen out of her comfort zone.
The screams of the crowd were deafening as the show began. Helen felt her breath hitch as she finally laid her eyes on her former best friend for the first time in years.
Madeline looked stunning. Her long blonde tresses trailed effortlessly behind her as she entered the stage. Her dazzling smile could be seen even by Helen in the furthest away seat. The voices of the countless other fans vibrated around her, but all Helen could hear was Madeline’s voice, drowning her in the sweetest way.
You can kiss a hundred boys in bars
Shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling
You can say it's just the way you are
Make a new excuse, another stupid reason
*
“Helly, you said we were gonna hang out this weekend.”
Madeline whined as Helen got her stuff ready to go see Ernest.
“I’m sorry, Mad. It slipped my mind,” not quite true. Helen hadn’t stopped thinking about the idea of spending the weekend with Madeline and what that could entail. Which is exactly why she agreed to go to Ernest’s place, so she didn’t have to think about what that meant. “Next weekend, yeah?”
*
Good luck, babe,
Well, good luck, babe
You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling
*
“Promise we’ll always be friends?”
Madeline’s voice was so quiet and vulnerable it shocked Helen. She wasn’t used to seeing the other girl like this, her larger than life personality usually stealing every and any show.
“Mad, of course. We’ve lived through college together, what could bond people more than that?”
Madeline’s melodic laugh filled the room. Helen tried to ignore the way it made her heart flutter.
“But when you’re a famous superstar, you’ll probably have much more glamorous friends anyway and forget all about me.”
Helen had only meant it as a joke, but she could’ve sworn she saw tears in Madeline’s eyes.
“Never.”
*
When you wake up next to him in the middle of the night
With your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife
*
“Helen.”
Madeline’s abrupt tone made Helen flinch.
“Are we going to talk about last night?”
The redhead kept her back to Madeline, unable to look her in the eye. Afraid that if she did, she’d break.
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m with Ernest.”
Helen hoped that Madeline wouldn’t pick up on the slight tremble in her voice.
“Right, of course you are.”
Still unwilling to face her, Helen listened as Madeline collected her things for class, before opening the door.
“Don’t come to me next time you’re bored of your boyfriend.”
*
And when you think about me, all of those years ago
You're standing face to face with "I told you so"
*
When Helen first woke in the morning, her thoughts drifted to the blonde and whether she was waking up alone. When Ernest touched her, Helen felt the ghost of Madeline’s soft hands on her skin. And each time Ernest kissed her, Helen couldn’t help but think of how it felt nothing like Madeline. It was in these quiet moments, that Helen would allow herself to wonder whether she’d made a mistake.
*
You know I hate to say, but
I told you so
Helen didn’t even register the steady stream of tears running down her face, too entranced by Madeline, memories of what she threw away, and dreams of what could have been.
Despite the hundreds of other people around them, Helen couldn’t help but feel as if Madeline was singing straight at her. What she would give to be able to jump on stage and just hold her Mad in her arms again. Talk for hours and hours without even realizing, like they used to do.
But Helen didn’t know if Madeline would even want to be in the same room as her for 5 seconds, let alone hear her out as she tried to explain herself.
But, Helen let herself hope, if Madeline still felt even slightly the same way as she did, then maybe they could find their way back to each other. Madeline was her person, she realised now. And in that moment, basking in the mere possibility of being able to be with Madeline, Helen felt happier than she had done in years.
You’d have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.