Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eddie remembers when he first learned what the cempasúchil flower meant. The orange, strong-scented flower lined his abuela’s tables and shelves in the weeks as mom started buying Halloween candy through the first week of November. His mom never wanted it in the house, she said the smell was too much. But every year without fail, his abuela would show up on the week before Halloween and drop off a vase of cempasúchil to put next to his abuelo’s picture on the mantle. And every year without fail, he would find the empty vase next to the sink the next afternoon. Until one year, the flowers and his abuela never showed.    

“Why do you have so many of those orange flowers?”

Abuela reaches out and touches the petals of the flowers closest to her. It’s the only vase in the room filled with cempasúchil now that it was mid-November. The flowers stand out against a sea of picture frames.

“Sabes, flowers have meaning, purpose. This one is a cempasúchil, a type of marigold. We use them every year to make a path for our loved ones to return.”

Eddie looks at her, skeptical.

“How can a flower do that?”

“Here,” she grabs onto a flower and pulls it delicately out of the vase, handing it to Eddie. “what do you smell?”

The petals tickle his nose as he inhales. He doesn’t know how this is going to explain anything but he trusts his abuela. He takes in the smell, it’s like earth. Not dry dirt, but the same smell he thinks of when he’s cooking with Tia Pepa and he has to pull tomatoes de la planta.

“It smells like Tia Papa’s garden tomatoes.”

Abuela smiles at him, extending her hand to take the flower back.

“It does, doesn’t it. Some people love the smell and say it reminds them a bit like family or home. Other people, like your mama, aren’t the biggest fan of them. For them, the smell is too strong.”

Eddie can see that her eyes dim slightly. He doesn’t want her to feel that way. His mom is picky, it’s not that she doesn’t love abuela. She just hates the smell of the flowers.

“You didn’t bring them this year, why?”

Abuela brushes her hand over his cheek.

“Your mama had her reasons. Tu no te preocupes.”

“I can handle it. I promise, I don’t like that you’re sad about this.”

“Mi Eddito, you make my day brighter just by keeping me company.”

Abuela moves around the living room and grabs a framed picture of his abuelo.

“Has your papi told you about Día de Los Muertos?”

“Kinda? He told us it was a celebration of life that is done in Mexico after Halloween. School had us make papel picado and said we could bring pictures in for an ofrenda.”

“Sí, bueno. Some of that is true. An ofrenda is a very important part of Día de Los Muertos, but that can stay up all year to honor our loved ones. It is like any other family having pictures on a mantle or on their walls. Día de Los Muertos is two days of us honoring those who have passed with food, gifts, dancing, leaving a path to visit, y mucho más.”

“Would we honor Abuelo?”

She hands him the photo and leads him to the couch.

“Exacto. The cempasúchil is said to come from couple con un amor tan profundo, that even death could not separate them. The flower may be stinky or smell like Pepa’s tomatoes, but it is strong like the love it came from. We have it around the house to show that spirits are welcome here during Día De Los Muertos. Some drop petals leading to their door to help the souls find their way. We put out pictures, so that the spirits know who it is we are waiting for, food for their travels, and candles to light their way.”

“How do we know it works? Have you ever seen a spirit? Abuelo?”

“Es algo de fe. I pray that every Día de Los Muertos, I can see or feel mi Edmundo. But what to know a secret?”

She takes his hand.

“I know he is here with me always. I have you. You are so much like your abuelo Eddie. You are protective, brave, and filled with so much kindness. When I look into your eyes or here your laugh, it’s like he is in the room with us.”

Eddie squeezes her hand.

“I’m sorry —”

“No, no mi niño, don’t be sorry. Never be sorry for reminding me of him. He lives on in you. We celebrate every year to let them know they are not forgotten, to remind us that even if they are gone, we hold them in our hearts and know the difference they made in our lives.”

Eddie nods. He feels he soft hand wipe away at some of his tears. Days with Abuela have been few and between but maybe now that he’s quit Ballroom, he can see her more often.

Chapter Text

He knew that it would be sentimental and cute, Buck had shown him the trailer a week ago and they bought the tickets on the spot. Chris was more than excited to go and be able to stay up past his bedtime for a day.

As the movie started, Eddie hadn’t realized how much it could affect him to hear the Disney theme in the style of Mariachi. He definitely didn’t expect to cry to a kids movie. In his defense, it didn’t happen immediately. There was a pit forming in his stomach as he watched this young kid, Miguel, get yelled at and have his guitar smashed. He could only smile at Buck and Chris as they whispered about how insane it would be to walk across a bridge of orange flower petals. But the tears? Those finally started to threaten him when he saw Hector scramble to pick up the guitar and play Chicharron one last song as a goodbye.

“Dad…” Chris whispers next to him.

“Hmm.”

“We’re not letting anyone be forgotten right?”

Eddie thought back to the pictures he must have at the house. Does he have any pictures of his family up? He can’t remember if he has one of his Abuelo. Eddie takes Chris’s hand, it’s a little greasy from the popcorn.

“Remind me to tell you all about your Bisabuelo when we get outta here.”

Chris nods and turns his attention back to the movie where Hector showing Miguel how shake off his nerves. Eddie chuckles at the silliness and lets himself watch as his son and best friend start bouncing in their seats to the beat of each song. His thoughts start to drift then, thinking about the last time he was able to visit his Abuela before he went off to Basic Training. He thinks of how she held him as she prayed for his safety and pulled him closer when Adri joked about making sure his photo wasn’t next on the ofrenda. The slow guitar and Miguel’s voice joined by Mama Coco only makes his nose burn as he feels a hand squeeze his, Chris looking at him with tears in his own eyes. They both turn to see Buck is in the exact same state, all three of them laugh as the credits start rolling.

“So, who was Bisabuelo?” Chris asks as Buck turns the ignition on. The quiet hum of Buck’s playlist starts and Eddie takes a deep breath.

“I’m named after him. Your Bisabuelo was the first Edmundo Diaz.”

Buck laughs and Eddie rolls his eyes.

“No, Buck. That does not mean my nickname can be Junior.”

“You’re no fun. You need a nickname.”

“Dad, isn’t Eddie a nickname?”

Eddie turns and dramatically nods in agreement.

“Exactly mijo, Buck here just thinks it’s boring.”

“I do not!”

He’s sure Buck is making a face at him, but he’s too busy seeing how Chris smiles at their antics.

“Tell me more about Bisabuelo.”

“Well, everything I know came from your Bisabuela and Tia Pepa so prepare for some telenovela level drama and love.”

“Eww, dad no.”

Buck slows the car to a stop as they reach a red light and turns to Chris.

“I don’t know Chris, telenovela level drama? That sounds like a great story.”

“Fine. But leave out the gross stuff.”

Eddie only nods.

“I’ll try. Bisabuela Isabel and Bisabuelo Edmundo’s story began a long time ago, when they were both young.”

“Like you and Mom?”

“Kinda, I think they were in a little older than me and mom, think Tia Sophia’s age. Anyway, Tia Pepa swears that they met at work but your abuelo told me that the story he was told is that  your bisabuela met him in at one of their friend’s summer barbecues. No one really knows, but they all agree on one thing: Isabel completely hated Edmundo.”

Chris gasps.

“What?”

“Oh yeah. Your bisabuela, you know the one with not a single hateful bone in her body? She was absolutely convinced that Edmundo was the biggest jerk on the planet. Edmundo was quiet, had a big reputation, and seemed way too comfortable with her friends. Isabel was the only one who did not talk to him. Of course, Edmundo didn’t like that at all. You see, when he first saw Isabel, he thought she was the most beautiful person on the planet. It was like the world kinda stopped when he was introducing himself to her and her friends. He wanted to do nothing but talk to her and she did not. Her mind was made up.”

Eddie turns to Buck and then back at Chris dramatically.

“Do you think she changed her mind bud?”

“Duh dad.”

“You’re right. Edmundo knew that he wanted Isabel in his life from the moment they met and all he had to do was find a way to talk to her. To get her to see that he wasn’t what she thought, but it took some time and a whole lot of patience. Your bisabuela has a huge heart and she had been hurt before so she was scared of letting other people in. But when she did, it was like they had known each other their whole lives. Tia Pepa always says that your bisabuelo was like a chicle, stuck to bisabuela’s side every single day.”

Buck snorts.

“He knew that soon?”

Eddie turns to Buck and notices they’re in the driveway already. He waits until Buck’s eyes meet his.

“I think some people just know.”

Chapter Text

His missed the email. Okay, he saw the email and then forgot to set a reminder for himself, but it’s not his fault. Shit has been insane and it’s not exactly like he wanted to worry about the school’s annual fall festivities right now. He has a few days. It shouldn’t be that hard to find a few photos right? Dammit. He can’t remember if they got this email before of after Buck filed the lawsuit. They would had a reminder on each of their phones for this, both of them would have made sure the other helped so that Chris wouldn’t be sitting at the dining room table while he scours every closet for the boxes of pictures.

“Dad!”

“Yes, mijo?”

“Can I see Buck soon?”

Eddie slumps down onto the ground as he finally finds a box. He searches through the top of the pile of pictures on the floor. He sees his mom and dad holding Chris, Tia Pepa and Abuela, Buck and Chris together. He stops at a photo of all three of them together at the zoo and sets it to the side, he digs more as he remembers he still hasn’t answered his son’s question.

“I’m not sure. I’ll ask him okay?”

He hears Chris move the chair. Eddie thinks about going to help, but doesn’t move. Chris will ask if he needs anything. There’s a small pile of options for Chris to take by the time he sees Chris staring down at him.

“Can I call him?”

“Chris, it’s still a bit early.”

“So? He said I could call him whenever dad. I want him here, you said that we all could hang out again.”

“He’s sleeping Chris, we got in a bit late last night and you just called him to say good morning an hour ago. Let the man nap before we go over.”

“Fine.”

The nightmares had been getting better. With Buck being able to talk to them again, Chris could have a phone call to check in if he needed to. But there were days like today, were FaceTime wasn’t enough, where Chris was on edge until he knew Buck was safe. He holds out his hand and Eddie moves to his knees to help him move the crutches out of the way and sit.

“Okay, I had a copy of the picture that we have in the living room if you wanted that. There’s also one from the first time she took you to see Santa, or the one from our beach trip?”

“I don’t have a lot of photos of mom do I?”

Chris holds the picture up and stares. It’s of last Christmas, a picture of when she first came back.

“I think we have more. I'm not sure where.”

“But I won’t get more, she won’t be there.” His grip tightens on the edges of the photo. Chris stills as the tears start rolling down his cheeks.

“Chris —”

“She left again. She promised —” Chris hiccups as he lets himself fall into Eddie’s chest. Eddie hisses, Chris’s head brushing against the fresh bruising from his last fight. He feels as Chris’s grip relaxes and he drops the photo onto the pile. “Mom said she wouldn’t leave me again.”

Eddie holds his son, his own throat closing as he tries to make out the words to sooth him. The minutes pass by, Chris’s crying softly subsiding. Eddie thinks back to Abuela’s words that first time he asked about the cempasúchil. He runs his fingers through Chris’s hair, slowly pushing the boy to a sitting position.

“Chris, you know why you’re taking the photo to school right?”

Chris sniffles and nods.

“Dia de Los Muertos.”

“I’m going to tell you something that your bisabuela told me a long time ago. The people we love, that have passed on? They’re still with us. Right here.” He taps two of his fingers to Chris’s heart. “We use pictures like these to put on an ofrenda so they can be remembered.”

“Like Coco right?”

“Exactly like Coco. I know we haven’t had an ofrenda or anything in the house, but we’re gonna change that. We’ll make one and put your mom’s picture and Bisabuelo’s picture on it so they can come visit. These are just the ones I can find now, we have more of mom okay? And if they’re not here, maybe grandma has them in El Paso.”

“You really think mom could visit us?”

Eddie sits back and shrugs.

“I don’t know mijo. I really don’t know, but your bisabuela always said that she’d pray every year, every Día de Los Muertos to see your bisabuelo. And she told me something else that’s very important, they live on in us. There are parts of you, your smile, your laugh, all sorts of things that you share with mom. So from now on, every year how about we make sure we decorate for it huh? I’ll show you how bisabuela used to put candles and flowers all over the house. Then we’ll make food,” Chris’s face scrunches up, “okay, get Buck to make food with us and make sure mom knows how much we miss her.”

He brings his hand to hold Chris’s face lightly.

“I promise mijo. No matter what, we won’t forget your mom. She loves you so much and I’m sure if Bisabuela is right, and she always is, mom will always be with us.”

Chapter Text

Eddie Diaz knew that curses were not real. There was no way they could be. But maybe Buck was right and the universe really does scream, cause seeing his dead wife’s ghost? That made him skeptical. Knowing it wasn’t her, feeling drawn to her anyway, having her change her appearance, and then having Chris walk in and think is was Shannon? That made him believe.

He fidgets, his leg bouncing up and down as he waits. Frank took him back on as a client without a second thought, welcoming him and waiting for him to be ready to talk, the bastard. His appointment starts in a few minutes and he’s more nervous for today than he’s been for any session.

The door opens and another client walks out. The waiting room is empty before Frank’s voice calls out from the threshold.

“Mr. Diaz, whenever you are ready.”

Frank grabs a clipboard from the desk closest to the window and moves to face where Eddie sits.

“Before we continue from last session, any progress on talking to Chris?”

“I may have had a momentary lapse of judgment.” Frank’s eyebrows quirk up, he says nothing. Eddie continues. “Brad Torrence gave me some advice and it did not go well.”

“What advice were you given?”

“Well he told me to not let the gap between me and Chris grow another inch.” He pauses, Frank is going to have a field day with this. “So I started looking at moving back to El Paso.”

“Hm. Well, what made you decide on that route?”

“I said the same thing to Buck when he asked but, I'm just tired of losing out on all of Chris’s big moments as he grows up. I mean I’m missing birthdays, school events, chess tournaments, everything.”

“And did you talk to your son about all this?”

“Kinda ended up with an intervention from the 118. Buck was worried and let it slip to Hen and it just escalated from there. They had me call Chris and ask him if when he wanted to come home. Not if, when. It was stressful, when I let him know that I could also move back and be with him, he told me that he went to El Paso to have space from me, not for me to ruin both of our lives again by moving.”

Frank hums.

“Do you believe being in El Paso would ruin both your lives?”

“I don’t know Frank. I feel like I fucked it up plenty here.”

“With Kim and Marisol?”

“I just…how did I let it get that far?”

“Did you?”

“What?”

Frank skims over the clipboard for a few seconds.

“A few sessions ago, you mentioned that Buck showed his concern and it made you want to end things with Kim. As far as I am aware, you ended things with her. You communicated why you sought her out, told her it should end, and asked her to leave. Am I wrong?”

Eddie shrugs. Frank’s not wrong, but it doesn’t stop Eddie from feeling like he brought it on himself.

“Let’s talk about your homework from last session for a moment because it may help us get some answers for you. I asked you to write down two things, one: how others might have seen your situation, and two: what you thought could be reasons as to why you approached Kim in the first place. ”

Eddie pulls a small notebook from his jacket pocket. He turns it over to Frank, the pages falling open along the ribbon attached to its spine.

“On the surface I guess it looked like I wanted my wife back.”

“And what did we say is beneath that surface?”

“Frank, I can’t. You have it in your hands. Please...”

“Okay. I will read something you wrote and if you can explain, do so. I want you to feel safe exploring this and know that I am here to give you the tools you need to make it through the uncomfortable parts.”

Eddie takes a deep breath, Frank begins reading.

“Knowing its my fault she left again. How do we feel about that one?’

“It’s guilt, at least I think it is. I left Shannon and Chris before while in the Army and I would excuse it, telling myself I was doing it for them. I had to provide for us, make sure that Chris had decent health insurance, I tried. I worked three jobs after I came back after getting shot down in Afghanistan. I tried. But then she left us and it's like I couldn’t find it in myself to understand her. She just left to take care of her mom and couldn’t be bothered to reach out or check on our son.”

Frank writes a quick note on his clipboard. Eddie looks down at his hands, busying himself with staring at the small nicks he got from a call earlier in the week.

“That doesn’t sound like guilt Eddie, it sounds more like hurt, grief. You wrote again, are you also talking about her passing?”

“I wanted to try again. She told me she was pregnant, so I was getting ready to do right by her this time. She told me it was a false alarm and in the same conversation asked me for a divorce. We couldn’t even file for it because she was hit by a car soon after. Chris was going to lose his mother again and I couldn’t stop it.”

“There is much to be said about wanting to have a form of control over situations were others leave us, whether by choice or not. Shannon’s passing was not your fault, we have talked about that once before. Those months were what anyone in my profession would consider stressful and traumatic. What you are writing here is valid. Some of your other statements are related enough to condense them too. But I am going to ask you about one more. I could pretend I didn’t fail. What do you mean by that?”

Frank waits. Eddie can feel him staring at him, like he is waiting until Eddie can look him in need the eye. He could spend the rest of the session like this, he’s sure Frank would let him, but what good would that do?

“It’s not just about Shannon is it?”

Eddie swallows. Fucking therapists…

“It was like a part of Shannon was back and I couldn’t stay away. Marisol didn’t even cross my mind and I feel like shit for that. She was sweet and I hurt her. But being out with Kim, I just wanted to pretend it could be real enough to where I could muffle out all the crap I’ve heard about Shannon and our marriage since it started.”

“All these opinions, they come from your family I assume?”

“I don’t know how ready I am to get into all of that. And it— it’s a lot Frank. There’s not a single decision I’ve made in the past thirty seven years that Helena and Ramon Diaz are happy with.”

“Eddie, I’m going to ask you an uncomfortable question.” Eddie only closes his eyes and breathes out. “When is the last time you made a decision that was purely for you, not for what you felt you needed to do for others?”

“Back in November maybe. I talked to a priest. He told me I was punishing myself, avoiding joy. So I shaved and danced around the house like I was Tom Cruise in Risky Business.”

“Sounds like an interesting conversation. I have to agree them, Eddie you have a tendency to make decisions for your life based on what you think others will approve of. In doing so, you may be losing parts of yourself, and that’s not fair to you.  I’m glad you began to take steps towards appreciating who you are and not who others expect you to be by dancing and shaving off the mustache, as missed as it may be. We should work this into a goal for you and check in every few sessions. Can you tell me other ways you see yourself making decisions for you in the future?”

They sit in silence for a minute before Eddie shifts on the couch.

“I really couldn’t tell you. I know I’m going to Texas try and spend time with Chris before he does come back.”

“The call ended well then? He wants to come back?”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t want to come back immediately. He wants to finish out the school year and have at least a week in the summer to say goodbye to the friends he made there. He and Buck were apparently ready to sabotage any house showings if I was stubborn enough to not listen.”

“Sounds like both of them are in good spirits about the move back to LA then.”

Eddie laughs and nods.

“Yeah, I might take vacation, maybe a leave of absence closer to Chris coming back. I don’t want to have the hard conversations with him when he’s trying to feel at home again.”

Frank looks down at his watch and back up at Eddie, there’s only a few minutes left.

“How has Buck been handling Chris being in Texas? Last session we talked about him being a support for you that night and since then.”

“I think it hurts him more than he’s letting me see. He loves Chris and it’s not like this situation didn’t affect him either. Our kid being in a different state was hard, they used to go out every week, museums, farmer’s markets, anything really. And yeah, Buck had a boyfriend for a while so he didn’t come around as much as he would’ve before but you could tell they missed each other. Chris called me later that same night and told me I needed to convince Buck to come with me to El Paso.”

“Why not ask him?”

“I have no idea if Bobby can spare both of us for that long.”

“Do you want him to go?”

“Frank, you know that I do.”

“Are you afraid he would say no?

“No, I know he would. He’d do anything for Chris.”

“Hm.”

“Frank, stop.”

“I’m not asking you to take that leap yet, only you know when you are ready. But I am asking you to take the first step. Let that be your homework Eddie. Your road to that joy you’re avoiding starts with making decisions that allow you to think about how you feel, not how others may judge you. Ask him.”

Chapter Text

The soot covering them and the scolding from Chim was enough to at least get them talking to each other. Most of the team has either gone home or are in the locker rooms, but Ravi, Buck, Hen, and Eddie are sitting at the empty table in the loft waiting for Chim to speak again.

“Are you really going to leave man?” Chim starts, his attention focused on Buck first. “I can’t imagine you in any other station. I need you here. Hen needs you here. You’re our family, Buck. This isn’t just a number, it hasn’t been.”

Buck looks away from him for a moment and clears his throat.

“I don’t want to leave. But I can’t do this. I can feel all of you pulling away, pretending that we just have to make it through the day. He died… he left us. Bobby’s gone and all that’s left is a million to-go containers in the fridge.”

Ravi reaches across the table and flicks Buck’s forehead.

“We weren’t trying to pull away. You sending us grief scales and diagnostics was a little strange but I was never trying to make it seem like I didn’t care. And you don’t get to yell at me to not quit in the middle of a bar just to transfer, you’re staying.”

Eddie nudges at Buck’s shoulder next to him.

“I didn’t explain it right at the house and I’m sorry for that. You were dealing with it on your own and we didn’t know how to let you know that we want to be there for you. Let us try.”

Buck nods and turns to Chim and Hen.

“Fine, I’ll pull my transfer request but you two—” Chim and Hen groan as he waves his finger at them. “— have to apply for the captain position.”

Eddie and Ravi laugh. Buck turns to them.

“Don’t you start Diaz. I’m coming for you next.” He turns back to Hen. “You said you don’t want it right now. I think you’re lying. If you really didn’t want it, you would’ve turned it down immediately, but you went out of your way to avoid saying yes or no. We all know you’d be great at it Hen.”

Buck turns to Chimney.

“You wanna uphold Cap’s legacy? Help us do it. You made us all come up here to talk it out, just like Bobby would have. We joke, but I’d follow Captain Han into the fire any day. Hen just mistakenly called you Cap downstairs.”

Chim turns to look at Hen who just shrugs and sits up, eyes trained on Buck.

“I promise nothing. I’ll talk it over with Karen again but you best believe you are staying here Buckaroo, even if I have to get ‘Thena to cuff you to the engine.” She hears Eddie snicker and turns to him. “Buck, should we remind Eddie that he has a phone call to make?”

“Eds, be honest, do you want to go back to El Paso? Chris is here, we can figure out all his school stuff.”

“My parents —”

Hen scoffs at that.

“Your parents took your child from you. In a moment where you also needed their support, Eddie. We saw how much that hurt you. So help me god, if you try and say you need to notify them or even discuss this with them, I will find pull a Buckley and chase you with a chainsaw.”

Eddie bristles as he pulls out his phone and shakes his head.

“I want it known that I am doing this because I want to, not because Hen scares me.”

Buck laughs as Eddie steps away, their conversation dimming. He dials and waits for the call to connect.

“This is Captain Morales.”

“Hey, Captain, it’s Eddie Diaz. I’m sorry for the late call.”

“Firefighter Diaz, what can I do for you? You received the communications from HR correct?”

“Yes, sir. It’s actually about that. I have some news and it really couldn’t wait for my scheduled shifts.”

Eddie hears a door shut and keys hit a table on the other side of the call.

“This news is going to bring me more work isn’t it?”

“Not intentionally, I assure you.”

“Never is. What is it son?”

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to join the 270, sir.”

“Hm. I take it you’re returning to the 118?”

“Yes, sir. I want to apologize, I know I said it wouldn’t be an issue for me.”

“I won’t say I didn’t see this coming, but I understand, the 118 is your home. Your captain would not have talked about you the way he did if it wasn’t.”

“Thank you sir, truly.”

“Of course, listen, I appreciate the call but —”

“— I created more work for you, yeah.”

“Take care of yourself, Firefighter Diaz.”

Eddie makes his way back to the group, and sees Buck writing on his notes app.

“What are we doing?”

“We were talking about some non negotiables.”  Ravi says, looking up from his own phone screen. Hen turns to him and mouth Buck’s idea.

“About what exactly?”

“Buck thinks it’d be a good idea to keep up family dinners and barbecues. We could all take turns hosting, make sure Athena, May, and Harry know we’re here for them too. All of us have been so busy and out of it that Buck’s right, we stopped trying and the fridge looks like a to-go nightmare.”

Eddie hums, he looks at Buck’s phone screen, a list of possible dishes filling up quickly. He taps Buck’s hand to grab the phone and notices that most of these recipes are ones they’ve tried from online blogs or TikToks. He starts to type out a few recipes of his own: Enchiladas (Eddie will ask Tia Pepa for recipe), Bobby’s Mac and Cheese, Bobby’s Lasagna, Bobby’s Chili. He hands the phone back to Buck and watches as he reads them over.

“You want me to make Bobby’s recipes?”

Everyone looks up at them. Eddie smiles at him softly.

“Yeah, Buck. Bobby has been teaching you to cook since before I got here right? I’m pretty sure you know them by heart at this point. And all those recipes are part of him. You making them just means he lives on.”

Ravi, Hen, and Chim all react at the same time. They reach for Buck’s phone wanting to add their favorite Bobby dish. Buck stands to get away and meets Eddie’s eyes.

“I’ll share the note with all of so you can add stuff. If I’m doing this, I gonna need a sous chef.”

Chapter Text

The nostalgic feeling of tomato tar on hands and Tia Pepa’s cumbias playing in the background hit Eddie as he stepped into Trader Joe’s. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. Someone clears their throat behind him, startling him. They’re waiting for him to move out of the doorway. Eddie raises his hands mouthing sorry.

He finds the flower in the center of the store, just past the registers. The cempasúchil bunches and potted plants fill the display with bright oranges and yellows. He lifts a potted plant and gently touches its petals. It’s been a few years since he’s put them up at the house, Buck would love them too he’s sure of it. He reaches for his phone, sending a quick text.

(1:12 pm)

To Buck 🤠 (ICE):

hey we got a vase at home right?

From Buck 🤠 (ICE):

we got a few from ‘Thena a while back

You bringing home flowers?

Eddie pulls a few of the cempasúchil bunches into his cart. Water droplets run down his arm as he places them in the cart. He feels his phone buzz again and wipes his damp hands on his jeans.

From Buck 🤠 (ICE):

Oh are you at Trader?

Don’t forget to get our coffee creamers, we ran out this morning.

To Buck 🤠 (ICE):

Already on the list

You already at Tia Pepa’s?

I was gonna drop off groceries at home

Eddie slowly starts grabbing apples, bananas, cases of berries, and enough produce fill the bottom of the cart.

From Buck 🤠 (ICE):

Yeah she’s teaching me to make ceviche

Note to self don’t compare Peruvian food to Mexican food

To Buck 🤠 (ICE):

tonto

From Buck 🤠 (ICE):

Rude

No wait

grocery

Grosero*

dammit

To Buck 🤠 (ICE):

It’s cute that you try 😉

From Buck 🤠 (ICE):

I’m always cute

Took you long enough to notice 😇

Glass bottles in Eddie’s cart rattle as he stops. Did he — he’s flirting back right? Frank has been encouraging him to be honest about how he feels with himself, with Buck. The words gay, queer, and demisexual were the ones he was most comfortable with so far. He talked to Chris first, answering his son’s questions as best he could. He told Chris how he will always love Shannon, but he’s not really sure if it was the same kind of love the Bisabuelos had. He hugged Chris as he told him how sorry he was for taking so long to see that being with Ana and Marisol was hurting all of them, how finding Kim showed him he needed to heal.

It didn’t surprise him when Chris asked him if he was in love with Buck, he wouldn’t deny it, not anymore. And Chris’s smile as he asked it, freed some part of Eddie that was still panicking. He can tell Chris is getting impatient with him not just asking Buck out. His thumb hovers over the send button on the screen.

To Buck 🤠 (ICE):

knew you were cute since day 1

gorgeous really

Eddie watches as the bubble appears and disappears. He quickly locks the phone shoving it in his pocket and walking toward the cashier. It’s not until he’s near his truck that he feels the familiar buzz.

From Buck 🤠 (ICE):

Pepa just asked me why I’m as red as a tomate

Fuck Eds, day 1???

To Buck 🤠 (ICE):

mhmm something about you angrily stomping around the station all day only to end up promising to have my back

From Buck 🤠 (ICE):

I mean the hottest man alive told ME I’m a badass under pressure after I did all that angry stomping

So it was day 1 for me too Eds 😊

The smile doesn’t leave his face as he puts all the groceries in the back seat and hands the cart off to one of the crew members nearby. Eddie is almost out of the plaza when his smile finally drops. If seeing the doppelgänger of his ex-wife made Eddie believe in curses, then seeing the ghost of his former Captain made him question whether or not the universe has been screaming in his ears the entire time and he’s just been deaf. 

Doppelgänger Bobby was clearly wearing borrowed clothes over a hospital gown. Eddie stares, his heart hammering in his chest. He pulls up his phone and dials without taking his eyes of the man making his way down La Cienega Blvd.

“Eds, I didn’t freak you out did I? I know we haven’t really talked about it but —”

“Buck, I think the universe is fucking with me.”

“What?”

“You remember how we looked up how rare it was to see someone’s doppelgänger?”

“Did you see Kim again?”

“No. No, I feel like I’m going insane. Either that or I’m cursed.”

“Edmundo Diaz, I never thought I’d see the day.”

Eddie laughs despite the gnawing feeling growing in his gut telling him to follow the man.

“I just saw Bobby. Or someone that looks just like him walking down La Cienega in hospital gown. I swear I’m not making this up or avoiding talking about where I hope we’re heading. I want this and I want to do it right. But this is freaking me out.”

He can hear Buck reassuring Pepa in the background, then a door sliding shut.

“Eds, are you sure?”

“Yeah. He didn’t see me or anything but something about it feels like off. Part of me feels like I should try to follow him.”

“Can you still see him?”

He steps out of his truck, the phone loose in his hand, and runs out onto the sidewalk. The man is gone. He curses under his breath and pulls the phone back up to his ear.

“No.”

“You’re not going to follow whoever it is are you?”

Eddie swallows.

“No. I’m not. I can’t do that, not again. Dude didn’t even talk to me and I’m freaking out this bad. I might have to call Frank if I can’t shake this off.”

“You okay to get home?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. And Eddie?”

“Hm?”

“I believe you. We’ll figure it out together.”

Eddie smiles as Buck’s words work to sooth the pit that was forming in his stomach.

“Together.”

Chapter Text

In Buck’s defense, he didn’t think that telling the crew on their next shift would end up with them on the roof yelling over each other about conspiracy theories.

“A government lab, that’s what you’re going with Eddie?” Chim teases as he leans back on one of the chairs they brought up with them. They’re sitting in a circle, the early morning sun painting the clouds in violet and orange hues.

“It makes more senses than one of us being in some coma dream!” 

Everyone laughs.

“It just doesn’t make sense right?” Ravi asks them, leaning back in the chair and staring up at the sky. “I mean, Chim had a rebar through his skull, got stabbed, survived the virus. Buck has a laundry list of almost deaths —”

“— It’s not that many.” Buck tries.

Eddie and Hen turn toward him and raise their eyebrows.

“Okay, maybe it is that many.”

Ravi laughs before continuing. “Hen’s also gotten hurt pretty badly, and well Eddie’s just as bad as Buck. Something about Bobby being gone doesn’t add up. Maybe it’s wishful thinking but him somehow being out there instead of us losing him to a virus would be great.”

“I don’t know. As much as I’d like to believe it could be him. It’s been months, all of us are finally able to talk about it… we went to his funeral. It would make more sense for it to be something Eddie’s subconscious brought up.”

“I talked to Frank about all of it. He doesn’t seem to think it’s a subconscious thing. He does however think the 118 alone is going to keep him in business.”

“A doppelgänger maybe?” Hen tells them as she looks to Chim, a pleading look in her eye.

Chim starts to speak but is interrupted by a chorus of arguments.

“Eddie and I looked it up already, do you have any idea how rare doppelgängers are? It wouldn’t make any sense for Eddie to have seen TWO doppelgängers of people in our lives. Statistically that just doesn’t happen.”

“When has anything in this firehouse made sense?” Chim argues.

“Buck’s got a point. It’s weird, maybe not coma dream weird but is it really that far fetched to think he could have been taken by the feds?”

“See! Ravi gets it.”

Chim sits up and shakes his head. “Buck, I get it. I do, especially since it was Mr. Curses Aren’t Real saying he saw something. It’s just not easy to wrap our heads around what it could mean.”

“I’m just telling you guys what I saw. I know it’s insane.” Eddie huffs from his seat. Buck grabs his hand and squeezes.

“Gotta admit though, telling us with Halloween and Día de Los Muertos right around the corner? It makes it a bit harder to know if you’re serious.” Ravi tells them.

“I am. I wouldn’t joke about this, about him.”

The bell rings. As they all bolt down the stairs, Chim yells over his shoulder.

“We just need some time before choosing red or blue Morpheus.”

A giant pumpkin. A giant pumpkin balloon was taken up by the wind and has been wreaking havoc in Downtown LA. By the time they got on scene, the pumpkin had smacked down a light post injuring three pedestrians, causing multiple vehicle collisions, and smacking at least one other person to the ground. Taking down the balloon became an interdepartmental feat, LAPD and LASD rerouting traffic and trying to puncture it, while the 118 ran triage. It’s possibly one of the strangest days they’ve had in a while.

“Whose turn is it?” Hen yawns out, now in civilian clothing and her bag over her shoulder. Buck pulls out his phone.

“ ‘Thena and the kids.”

Hen hums before looking between Buck and Eddie.

“Not a single word to them. We might be ready to talk about it —”

“But ‘Thena might not be.”

Eddie and Chris putting the last of the food in the back seat of his truck. He sees Buck pulled the front door closed and hands him the car keys. They aren’t late or anything, Buck just likes to be there early enough to help set up. He hears Buck’s notification before seeing his screen light up.

New message on The 118 A Shift on October 30th, 2025:

(3:31 pm)

From Bobby Nash (Cap):

Have some news for you all. See you all soon. - Athena

The first time Athena had used Bobby’s phone to text them, all of them collectively freaked out. Strangely, it now brings Eddie comfort. The Grant-Nash home was always inviting, the remodel just made it lighter, spacious. As Eddie walks in, he’s greeted by the same smell of tomato tar that he’s had at home for days. There’s a sizable bouquet of the flowers on the kitchen island. He takes a moment to admire them before putting down the containers he’s carrying. He turns to take the ones in Chris’s hands and nearly drops them. Bobby is standing in front of him.

The world sounds muffled. Buck is throwing himself into Bobby’s arms and Eddie can’t move. It was real… he was real. Buck mutters into Bobby’s shoulder tightening the hold he has on the man. Eddie knows Buck is telling him Bobby that he loves him too. He feels Chris at his side, tugging at his henley.

“Dad. Go.”

Chris pushes at his arm and walks toward Bobby, who opens his arms. He doesn’t know how much time has passed before he is gently pushed back. He feels Bobby placing a hand at the top of his shoulder.

“I missed you both.”

“How are you here?”

“Let’s wait until everyone is here.”

Eddie nods. He looks at Buck, his eyes are bloodshot and his cheeks tinged pink. He’s not sure he’s faring much better. He sees Bobby moving to hug Chris and he feels as the tears continue down his face. Athena moves toward them, pulling them both into a hug.

“Thank you both for fighting to keep the 118 together.”

Waiting for the others felt like an eternity. Hen nearly falls into Karen walking down the stairs when they open the door and see Bobby helping Buck reheat some of the food. She stares at Bobby now, unable to look away for more than a few minutes from her seat.

“You’re going to explain this right?”

“Yes, Cap. I am. Just have to wait for the rest of our family to be here.”

Athena comes in with May and Harry who throw themselves at Bobby with the same ferocity as Buck did. They hover around Bobby and Buck in the kitchen, helping fill plates and discussing how Buck has been teaching them his recipes. Chim and Maddie arrive next and collapse at the door. They only move after Eddie runs to take Jee and Daniel from them. Chim gets pulled into the backyard by Bobby, Athena pushing everyone away from the patio and into the dining room. When the patio door slides open again, Chim’s eyes looks lighter than they have in months.

Hen smiles.

“Can I give back the helm now? Those two,” Hen points to Buck and Eddie, the two of them cooing at Daniel, “have yet to fill out their disclosure form. And I don’t think I have it in me to ask.”

Bobby laughs. It’s a sound everyone in the room stops to hear.

“They actually make it official?”

“Taking it slow, according to what Eddie is telling Karen. But slow for them is living in the same house and raising Chris together so…”

“Gimme a second.”

Bobby walks toward Buck and Eddie as they are passing Daniel to Karen. He stops in front of them crossing his arms.

“So when were you going to tell me you two are together?”

Maddie snickers behind Karen. Chim inching closer, waiting for their responses.

“I —” Buck starts.

“It’s new.” Eddie blurts out.

Buck’s face is reddening as he reaches out to hold Eddie’s hand.

“We were going to tell the 118 soon. We promise Hen!” He yells across the room.

“Yeah yeah, paperwork next shift you heathens.”

Bobby looks at both of them as he calls out to Hen.

“Second drawer on the left there’s a folder labeled Buckley-Diaz, everything is filled out. Just needs signatures.”

Eddie and Buck both gape at that.

“You knew?” Buck’s voice comes out soft, unbelieving.

“Kid, it only took a day before you two were inseparable. We were waiting for you two to catch up.”

Chris speaks up from the couch.

“Even I knew before them. I've been telling people Buck’s one of my dads for years now.”

Eddie laughs at his son’s admission. He raises his free hand to cup Buck’s face, slowly bringing their lips together. He feels Buck melt against him before placing a hand is over his chest. He pulls back and meets Bobby’s eyes.

“I think on some level, we always knew. We just didn’t understand it.”  Eddie admits.

Ravi comes then, his face laced with confusion, staring at Eddie and Buck. He mouths doppelgänger? before closing the door.

“It’s him.”

Ravi smiles wide, beelining to hug Bobby. He lets go of Bobby before turning to Eddie.

“I’m so glad I believed you.”

Athena looks at them.

“What does he mean?”

“I thought I saw Bobby a few days ago, walking away from Cedars-Sinai. I almost ran after him.”

Bobby clears his throat.

“That was me. I was being kept in a testing facility, I was only at Cedars out of sheer luck. I’ve been stuck at a base out of Livermore. But I spent the past week slowly getting back here. Some hitchhiking here and there and a lot of public transportation. I only got taken into Cedars by a couple I ran into around Hollywood Hills because I was dehydrated and had a low grade fever.  By the time I realized how close I was, I just walked home.”

Athena wraps her arms around Bobby.

“I came home and nearly shot him. I thought the house had been broken into.”

Hen sighs loudly.

“You got taken for months by who exactly?”

“Army. The CBRN unit that was here the day of the lab explosion, they got my heart back to a normal rhythm before we made it past the traffic blockade.”

It hits them all, how much time was taken away from them. They sit in silence until one by one they look at Eddie. Ravi breaks the silence first, dissolving into laughter. Buck, Hen, and Chim follow, leaving the rest of the room confused.

“You believe in the universe once and you are 100% right?” Ravi asks between breaths.

Bobby looks at them amused. Eddie smiles at the man.

“I was buying cempasúchil flowers down the street from Cedars that day. Like the ones you have on the counter,” Bobby looks back at the flowers. “My abuela told me they lead our loved ones back home. And when we told the 118 about me seeing you, I guessed that you had been taken to a government lab.”

“I’m glad to prove your abuela and you right.” He smiles, pulling Eddie into another hug.