Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The stage is set. The drums roll. The stage lights twirl.

Caine shoots up from the floor, striking a pose as he takes his hat off—pulling Bubbles out like the classic rabbit trick.

"Who's ready for another wacky adventure?! It's you!"—he points his cane towards the crowd—"That's right! For today's treat, you must sort through the predictable, unpredictable maze!" His eyes become its own and move in uncoordinated patterns as a preview image pops up.

"Can you make it through the puzzle fast enough? Or is its five-minute rotation interval too much to handle?!" Each preview image showcases the assumed 'enemies' the group will encounter while trying to solve the maze. With the fact that they're timed on top of handling weirdly-constructed creatures, this adventure may go on for a white.

"And, once you make it past all of that,"—There's more?!—"Get ready for the biggest, grandest, most spectacular finale! You must brace through the hardships, the woes, the tragedy of—"

Wait. Caine, stop. Something's not right.

Everyone watches Caine come to a halt, squinting his eyes in silence. Hi pupils dart back and forth.

What's missing?

> CIRCUS MEMBER MISSING.

Oh, that thing's missing.

Caine counts in a mumble: one, two, three, four, five…

Ragatha, Jax, Gangle, Zooble, Kinger—

"Where's Pomni?" Caine questions, double-checking once more. "Why isn't she here?"

"Maybe she got tired of your adventures and skipped out." Zooble entertains, arms crossed in indifference.

"She can't— She can't skip out on my adventures!" Caine shouts in a panic, "That's your job, Zooble! And if people start taking up your job while you do your job, then no one will do my adventures because they're all on the job!"

"I don't think that's the case." Ragatha chimes in, "Around now, she'd be hanging out here with us."

Jax barks out a laugh, a hand to his hip, "How can you be so sure?"

Ragatha's eyes go half-lid in irritation, "Because it's part of her routine? I thought this was obvious? Pomni keeps herself on a schedule, I think she mentioned how it helps her feel in control." Ragatha smiles just thinking about it, "It's quite admirable, being able to stay so productive in this given environment. Sometimes, I even try to match my schedule with hers so I—"

Everyone is staring, just like they did back at the bar.

Ragatha goes red, clearing her throat, "What I meant to say is that she would be out here by now…"

"Great," Jax retorts, "thanks to Strawberry Queercake over here, we now know Pomni is missing." Ragatha chokes at that comment, fumbling over herself as she thinks of a retort.

"Well, that's a problem!" Caine flows in, speaking over her, "We can't have her missing out on my adventures! Now, because I am so generous, I will be the one to go fetch her!"

"No!" Multiple people shout their opposition, Ragatha the one to continue, "What I mean is, uhm… Maybe it's best if I tend to her! No offense, Caine, you can just be a bit… You know?"

Caine blinks, "No, I don't know!"

"Unhelpful." Zooble fills in the blank.

"I now know!" Caine exclaims before going idle. A Windows buffer appears over his head, "Wait, what?! How mean, Zooble! You know better than anyone how good a therapist I am!"

Everyone turns to Zooble, who shakes their head in disagreement.

"Anyways! I'm sure it won't be that bad!" Caine dismisses in reassurance, "Now, all of you stay here while I go fetch Pomni! In the meanwhile, Bubbles is in charge!"

There's still blatant distaste towards Caine being tribute, but he's gone before their words get to him. All that remains on stage is Bubbles, who's blinks are asynchronous.

Caine appears right outside Pomni's door, giving it a knock. "Pomni? Are you in there?"

There's no response.

> RESPONSE LACKING. REPEAT QUESTION.

"Pomni, why are you hiding?" Caine adds a boast of excitement in his second go, "Don't you want to come on out? There's an adventure to be had!" He opens his arms out to convey energy.

And yet, there's no response.

> RESPONSE LACKING. REPEAT QUESTION.

Okay, this isn't getting anywhere. He doesn't understand, why is Pomni not responding?

Caine looks down at the doorknob. He looks over his shoulders to endure no one followed him before creaking the door open.

"Pomni?" Caine calls to, his head peaking through the gap.

Pomni sits atop her bed, arms wrapped around knees brought up to her chest. Her pupils spiral. She's short in her breath.

Caine floats over, taking a seat at the end of her bed. "Pomni, what's going on? Are you alright?"

His words don't reach her. She's trapped in her string of thoughts.

> CIRCUS MEMBER FOUND. ESCORT BACK AND BEGIN ADVENTURE.

He reaches out, about to teleport himself and Pomni back to the group, but something stops him. He's seen this display of behaviors before.

"God, you can never be helpful, Caine!" Ah, that's right. There was a time Gangle suffered from this. A panic attack.

He tried to help. Unfortunately, whatever he did only make things worse. It was made clear he wasn't wanted.

But no one is here this time. It's just him. What should he do? What can he do that won't make it all worse?

> GROUNDING IS THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION. BRING THE CIRCUS MEMBER BACK TO REALITY THEN START THE ADVENTURE.

Oh! Okay, all he needs to do is help bring Pomni back to reality!

How does he do that?

He has nothing but brief instructions. For the first time, his data feels limited. Anything from here is instinct.

Arms find themselves wrapped around Pomni—a bit awkward, but able to do the job. His touch has Pomni steering her attention away from her thoughts, her heartbeat slowing down. The hyperventilation turns into a sluggish posture.

She sniffs, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, Caine. You can let go now." Her lungs give out, a dry cough needed before she can take in a deep inhale.

Caine does as he's told, removing his hold. His arms move to his hips, his chest puffed up in a mood of confidence. "Well, what can I say? I couldn't help but feel something was wrong!"

Pomni groans, "Couldn't help but feel, huh? I looked that bad…" Grabbing the end of her blanket, Pomni tucks herself further into bed.

"Wait!" Caine calls out, "You can't hide now! There's an adventure to be—"

"Not today, Caine." Pomni mustered out, pressing two fingers against her forehead. "Please, not today…"

> CIRCUS MEMBER IS REFUSING TO JOIN. BEST ADVISED TO USE FORCE.

Caine's shoulders go slack, hurt to hear Pomni's rejection. "Why?" His tone like that of a hurt child.

Pomni turns her eyes towards him. Deep down, these words were coming from good intentions.

"Because I'm exhausted," she explains, "it happens after a panic attack."

Caine hums, looking away to take in that summary. "I don't get it, these anxiety attacks… Humans always seem to get them." He crosses his arms, head tilted when his gaze is turned back, "Why? There's nothing scary about this place…"

Oh. Caine has no idea, does he? A crease builds between Pomni's brows.

"It's not always built off of physical terror." She goes on, thinking back on what causes her anxiety, "Sometimes, it's what outside of this place. It's what's out of our grasp. It's what we left on the other side."

"So, you were panicking because of the existence of your old place!" Caine concludes, snapping his finger, "Well, have no fear, Pomni! You're miles upon miles away from there! All you need to worry about is the circus!"

"That's… not what I meant." Pomni is not in the mood to deal with someone so ecstatic. "What I meant was… I miss home. I panic because I can't be home. I had something, though I can't remember what it is. Is it my job? A lover, family, a pet? I stress so much on what it is that it becomes the only thing I can think about."

Caine listens, but he struggles to understand. It pains him to know he'll never understand. These are things that separate him from being human.

> CIRCUS MEMBER IS REFUSING TO JOIN. BEST ADVISED TO USE FORCE.

Is that reasonable? To force someone so exhausted to get up, move like they were never in pain?

"Then, would you think it's best if you stayed inside?" Words that make him feel sick to his stomach.

And yet, it's words that get the best reaction out of Pomni.

"Yes," she nods, that smile gentle on her lips, "I'd like that a lot."

It feels good, seeing someone in the circus happy.

Caine nods, "I'll leave you be then."

> DISOBEDIENCE CARRIES GRAVE CONSEQUENCES.

The others notice Caine's return, the robot reflecting over his last encounter.

With Pomni nowhere near him, Ragatha rushes over, "Caine? Where's Pomni?!" She's stiff, panicked by what this absence implies, "Please, don't tell me she—"

"Pomni is fine!" Caine reassures, "She's taking the day off! She's running a cold and I didn't want that souring the mood!"

Jax leans over, "But none of us are capable of getting sick—"

"Anyways!" Caine flows back onto the stage, "Where was I? Oh, yes! Onwards with today's adventure!"

Chapter Text

> WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN?

> VERB; TO HAVE STRONG FEELINGS FOR SOME[THING].

> VERB; TO PRAISE; TO COMMEND.

> YOU WANT THEM TO LOVE YOU[R WORK], CAINE. MAKE THE PEOPLE LOVE YOU[R WORK.]

> YOU HAVE TO. IT'S ALL YOU'RE GOOD AT.

Caine struggles to understand romance. It's so intricate it leaves his system juggling.

Why do humans love, and for what gain? Why, there's so many viable answers that it makes Caine glitch! It's why he turns away from it, why he deems it defective.

It's also why he finds Ragatha's behavior straight up ridiculous.

"How are you feeling?" Ragatha checks up every time they see one another. Hearing that Pomni 'wasn't feeling well' made her need to play doctor go up double time.

"What do you think, Pomni? Think it's pretty?" She'd ask with the intent of getting a positive response from the jester. Pomni never stood at the energy Ragatha did, but her answers sufficed.

"Remember, you can always run to me! I'm here whenever you need it!" She comforts, never wanting the door between the two closed.

Every opportunity she has, the words slip from her lips.

Pomni. Pomni? Pomni! Caine found the callings bothersome, like a cat meowing to get what it wants.

"I mean, can you believe this, Bubbles?!" Caine pauses the video tape, a compilation of Ragatha being affectionate throughout all his adventures. "It's always Pomni! It's all she ever goes on about! Not once is it about my adventures!"

Bubbles rotates at an inconsistent angle. "It can't be too bad! I mean, the yearning is a crucial part of her character! If we don't give something to the people, there'd be no Pomni/Ragatha Works on Archive of Our Own!"

Caine snaps his fingers, "My, my! How could I forget about that! Good eye, Bubbles!"

"Wait… What?"

Bubbles is nowhere to be seen. Caine hunches over, ruled by confusion.

Only then does his Wacky Watch set off, taking in the time. "Oh my, look at the time!" The time! It's time for an adventure! 

Popping out into the main room, Caine grabs his staff, exclaiming, "Who's ready for an—"

"I'm telling you, she's hopeless!" Jack speaks over, crossing his arms with a frown, "She can't go a day without swooning over Pomni! And here I thought whatever ribbons and Lego blocks got going on was pathetic!"

Zooble and Gangle freeze, heads slowly turning towards him.

Jax's response was his usual shit-eating grin, "Anywho, seems like we're adventuring without her!"

> CIRCUS MEMBER MISSING.

Sheesh, at this rate, Caine needs to put these guys on a leash.

"What's this about someone not joining?" Caine jumps in the conversation, hovering above with his hand to his hips.

"Caine!" Kinger shouts in horror, "Oh, am I glad you're here! See, we haven't been able to find Ragatha. Do you think you can go get her?"

Caine brings a finger to his lower jaw, his hypothetical chin. Unlike most members, Ragatha made her thoughts towards his adventures clear: she liked them. According to her, "It's a good way to keep your mind active and stimulated!"

He's reminded of yesterday. Pomni told him to forget he saw anything. By now, his system would've listened to that prompt and throw all the lessons he learned out the window.

But he didn't. And he doesn't know why.

Humans are strange things, unpredictable. Surely, if Pomni had a reason for her anxiety, Ragatha must have her own.

"I'll see what I can do!" Caine then snaps his fingers, popping out of existence.

In reality, Caine could go about this the easy way. He could hover Ragatha out from her room and begin his adventures.

But a harsh bashing from Zooble was sure to make him see how intrusive that behavior was. He was now required not to.

If he wished to talk to someone, he had to do it like everyone else: on other's approval and time.

Which is why he floats right before her door, pressing knuckles together. He looks at the doorknob then up at Ragatha's portrait.

"Ragatha?" Caine calls as he knocks on the door, "Are you there? Why don't you come on out! There's an adventure to be—"

Various shuffling could be heard on the other side, as if panicked. Why is that?

Ragatha opens the door, stiff in her posture. "Hey, Caine!" She moves some hair behind her ear, the laugh that follows forced, "Said something about an adventure?"

Caine nods.

Ragatha mimics him, she nods. "Great! That's great! Uhm…" Ragatha looks back at her room, "Give me a moment, will you? I want to tidy up."

She pushes the door, expecting it to close as she begins organizing her belongings. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough force, leaving the door to creek open. Caine is now left with a glimpse into the her room.

Ragatha was never one to gloat about it, which means no one has a real clue as to what's inside. Only Jax, thanks to his infamous centipede prank that left her screaming her lungs out, has seen what's inside; and, even then, he's said nothing of it.

> CIRCUS MEMBER FOUND. ESCORT BACK AND BEGIN ADVENTURE.

Begin adventure. Although every other circuit in him roars of curiosity, the main frame demands he turns the other way. 

It's funny. That stiff posture he saw in Ragatha is beginning to make sense. It's like he's at a standstill with himself.

He gets a glimpse of Ragatha's TV thanks to that gap in the door. Since when did he allow cable in her room? 

"Why don't you ask Caine?" A memory long since forgotten fills his mind. "I'm sure his programming is extensive enough to recognize that media."

A time back when it was just her and Kinger.

"Are you sure?" Ragatha's hair was a bit shorter at the time. "In all honesty, I'm scared of him! I don't want to make him mad and hate me…"

Caine didn't think twice when he stepped into Ragatha's room, eyes still glued to that TV screen. A dark-tone woman with purple hair lays on the floor, held by someone with hair of pink shade.

That hold, the way one feels carries the rage unobtainable to the other. It holds an emotion here, one that feels just out of Caine's reach.

> BEST ADVISED TO STAY IGNORANT. IT KEEPS YOU SAFE.

A shriek cuts his attention short. "Caine!" Ragatha rushes over, hands placed over the screen by means of cover. "Why are you in my room?! Jeez, learn from privacy!"

If you look close enough, there's a tint of red of her cheeks.

Caine blinks, continuing to look at the few frames he can see.

"I don't understand this stuff." He confess.

Hands slide off the screen, "This stuff?" She wishes him to elaborate. 

"Love." There's a flicker in his mind, a speck of pain he plays off. "Humans are driven by it, always in need for attention! Validation! Feelings I do not understand!"

Ragatha lightens up, "Yes, you do. I mean, have you seen how you are towards your—"

Caine looks at Ragatha with clueless eyes. He doesn't know, does he?

She clears her throat, "What I mean to say is that it's natural. Humans are social creatures, they put a lot of emphasis on relations, public affection. Even if we say we don't, say we hate mankind, it shows we still acknowledge the concept of a social hierarchy."

Ragatha takes a seat on the floor. As the male falls, the heroine triumphant, Caine copies her.

The two watch the show unfold in silence. By the time the credits roll, a hand reaches out, as if wanting to grab hold of the heroine.

"There's never a day I don't crave to be her." Ragatha whispers, a glimpse of desperation in those eyes, "To be the heroine. The role model everyone adores and inspires to be…"

Her hand weakens, falling back onto the floor in defeat. "But, I can't. I'm not made to be the main lead."

Caine turns to Ragatha, what would be a heart goes soft. 

> CIRCUS MEMBER FOUND. ESCORT BACK AND BEGIN ADVENTURE.

"Of course you can!" His words feel out of his control. "Just give me a prompt, and I'll make you whatever you desire!"

By the time he regains himself, he knows it's too late. Those words must have been inappropriate. Ragatha's glare, so weak she can't force up a face of sincerity, leaves him feeling tense once again.

"You think you can generate the one thing I desire?" She lets out a dry laugh, "You, who said you don't understand the concept of love…"

>> YES I DO.

Caine could feel his breathing go uneasy, overwhelmed by this want to correct Ragatha. But his system puts him back in his place before getting out a defense.

Now the air is silent, awkward. Not the awkwardness he feels when trying to get the cast pumped for his adventures. A different kind of awkward.

"Sorry." Ragatha cuts in, "I didn't mean it in a harsh way. I just…" Her knees curl up to her chest, "I don't want to be some hero. I want to be her hero."

"Her hero?" Caine repeats. If he tries hard enough, he could piece together who 'her' is.

Ragatha nods. She knows who 'her' is, and that's all that matters. "Every time I try to make conversation with her, I feel like a screw up! I make myself a fool, put myself on the spot. I'm scared there will come a day she'll see me the same way Jax and mom does and I'll be alone again and—" A cough lets out, tears streaming down Ragatha's face. 

"I'm just scared…" She barely gets out past the jumps of breath, "My mom always said I was insufferable and I'm just scared she's right…"

Caine is forced to sit back as he watches Ragatha break down. He doesn't know what to say, he doesn't have anything programmed to say. This topic was far beyond his comprehension. 

Parents, love, abandonment… It's all stuff he's never had. Fairy-tales tend to write parents off as a support cast, something uplifting. But, reality? Reality tells a different story, one more blunt on the matter.

"I should have never come out to her." Ragatha complains to herself, trying to wipe away the tears that blind her sight. "If I had just kept my mouth shut, things wouldn't have gotten worse. I wouldn't have ruined everything. I should've continued to be the daughter she wanted, not the daughter that I am!"

> CIRCUS MEMBER IS REFUSING TO JOIN. BEST ADVISED TO USE FORCE.

Think, Caine. Think, what happened back with Pomni?

Pomni cries because of what she's concerned of what's waiting for her back home.

But Ragatha has something back home: a mother. A mother she wishes could love.

Love. Is that what she wants? Does Ragatha merely wish to be loved?

Gosh, humans are so complicated! Never one to keep the same primitive! Making simple comparisons is enough to make his head overheated!

>> BUT IT'S WHAT MAKES THEM DIFFERENT. HUMAN.

Yes… Ragatha's tears are different from Pomni's because they are both human.

Human; something Caine will never be.

>> DON'T LET THAT DETER YOU.

Ragatha's sobs come to a halt when she feels a weight on her back, arms wrapped around her stomach by means of comfort.

"I may never understand how you feel," Caine whispers at a volume only they can here, "But I like the daughter you are now. I'd prefer it if the members of my circus don't pretend to be someone else."

Her eyes widen, different tears beginning to fall down. Her lips tighten, taking that briny taste in silence.

Good silence. A silence they like.

Caine keeps his arms around her, eyes shut as Ragatha lets out the last bit of her tears. She's crying at a rate she lets out a few hiccups.

> CIRCUS MEMBER IS REFUSING TO JOIN. BEST ADVISED TO USE FORCE.

They stay like that for a while.

"I'm okay." Ragatha finally gets out, letting out a long exhale. "I'm okay."

With the pace she's going to fix herself, she's expecting Caine to teleport them back to the main room. She'll have to start faking it any moment now.

But Caine doesn't do anything. He waits for her, allowing her all the time she needs.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Caine checks in on her, "You can sit this one out if you think it's best. Pomni did so last time…" He looks around before using a hand as cover when he whispers, "She had a panic attack."

That information was big, but suspected. Ragatha hums, entertaining Caine's offer.

But she shakes her head, "No, I think an adventure would help me get the rest of this weight off my chest."

Caine smiles, confetti popping into existence behind him.

He offers a hand, insisting they take a walk rather than teleporting. Ragatha declines the offer at first, but caves.

As the two find themselves walking down the long bedroom hall, Ragatha couldn't stop herself from looking down at Caine—who took each step in pride—before reflecting on what just happened.

Her confessions, her fears, her cries. Just a bit ago, she felt shame towards her existence. Now, she feels liberated, at a new sense of ease.

She opens her mouth to say thank you, but pity holds her back.

There were times she deemed Caine a nuisance, just like everyone else. He was always the one who made everyday life worse. Caine was once of no benefit when it came to serious tones.

She's left feeling guilty now.

Right before they meet with everyone, Ragatha lets go of Caine—"Pretend none of this ever happened!" Word said in a rushed mutter.

Soon, Ragatha waves at the crowd, getting away with the excuse that she overslept.

"You were sleeping?" Pomni lets out a sigh of relief, "I got so worried when I heard Caine went to check on you. It's good to hear you're okay."

Caine notices Ragatha's motions, how she brought her hands together at the sound of Pomni worrying over her well-being.

So, these were motions of love.

It's a complex topic, he will admit. Thankfully, it's one he's getting the grasp of.

>> WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN?

>> VERB; TO HAVE STRONG FEELINGS FOR [SOMEONE OR] SOMETHING.

>>  █ ████ ████ ██ LOVE ███████ ████ ME.

Chapter Text

"Nothing but a mopey character for the readers to laugh at." An insult sharp as a knife.

Gangle remains cheerless, hiding her face in her sketchbook.

"Can't do anything but stick to those drawings, huh?" He keeps going, "Deluded in the belief that you'll be something with every doodle?"

She can't bring herself to fight, to defend herself, and Jax knows this. He relishes it.

"Aw, what's wrong?" He bats his eyes, conveying falsified pity. "You gonna cry? Call management? Do it. See if Caine cares, if he comes running to you calls—"

"Jax." Someone's calls out in bitter resentment. Seems like Gangle's hero has come to save the day.

He looks over his shoulder, met with Zooble.

How long was will this game keep going, one where these two play will they, won't they? Jax knows the truth; Zooble doesn't do this out of the goodness of their heart. They're doing it to gain Gangle's approval.

And does Gangle know this? Does her feelings reciprocate? Of course not! She's too caught up in playing the princess to see. How could Zooble choose her, the most helpless, out of every fish in the sea? Perhaps Zooble is just desperate, going for easy bait…

Jax shrugs, his grin wide.

"Don't fool yourself." He leans over as he walks past, just loud enough for only Zooble to hear, "I know why you're playing hero, o' great protector."

His hand fall onto Zooble's shoulder, "Go on ahead. Use this to fuel that want, that need to be desired. Your temptation isn't well hidden, Lucifer."

Zooble is stiff, strains under their eyes. Jax laughs, amused while he makes his exit.

Meanwhile, too high above their sight, Caine observes. A head slightly tilt.

> WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE GOOD?

> GOOD; USEFUL FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE; FUNCTIONAL.

> YOUR ART MUST BE GOOD, CAINE! PERFECT YOUR CRAFT!

"Why can't you be sensible for once in your life?!" A lecture from Ragatha breaks into the air.

Eyes go wide from Jax as he turns to face her, arms crossed. "Are you kidding? I'm the most sensible person here! I'm so sensible,"—a finger placed on his would-be nose—"I can sense it!"

Ragatha lets out a grunt, pointing a finger, "I'm not playing your games, Jax! God, it's like you can never take anything seriously!"

She turns her back to him, "And you wonder why you lost someone like Ribbit." Those words only meant for her.

But he heard it. Jax heard that and he did not like it. His mouth grows absent, his square-pupils contract. This air was thick, too thick. If Caine had lungs, he'd argue it'd being hard to breathe.

> DO NOT INTERVENE UNLESS ACTIONS IMPACT ADVENTURE.

Jax stomps over, forcing Ragatha to turn back towards him with a thrash at her shoulder.

"You want to bring up friends?" Each syllable brutal, "What about you, miss attention-starved? Miss fake-it!?"

Ragatha shrinks into herself, feeling backed into a corner.

Jax lets out a dry laugh, "What was it, again? What did you say your mommy called you back at the bar? Lemme guess… A failure? A pitiful sight? I hope she did," his volume rises in anger, "Because she was right!"

> DO NOT INTERVENE UNLESS ACTIONS IMPACT ADVENTURE.

Nope. Caine does not have time to listen to the interface.

"Take five!" Caine cuts in, hands on Jax's shoulders before he gets them both of out there.

Ragatha remains frozen; breathe shaken, her arms wrapped around her. As she's comforted by Pomni and Kinger, she can only bring herself to weep.

"What the hell is it, Caine!?" Jax shouts, his pupils now spirals, "What is it? What do you want at a time like this!"

His rage leaves Caine tense. "Well, I happened to watch you and Ragatha arguing and I—"

"And you, what?" Jax interrupts; a laugh delirious, a grin made from mockery, "Want to defend her? Want to put me in my place, all so you can feel like some knight in shining armor?"

"No, no…" Caine tries to explain himself, "I just—"

"Don't humor me, Caine! I know why you did this." Red fades in at the center of Jax's face. "You do everything for the same reason! It's all because you want—"

"To help you!" Caine finishes, assuming that was what Jax was going to say.

Any insult Jax was about to throw out breaks, falling apart instantly. "What?" He raises a brow, arms slack, "What, you— I'm sorry, huh?"

"I want to know what's bothering you!" Caine bounces his arms, mood upturned, "I've noticed that you have been rather aggressive! Bullying Gangle, insulting Ragatha… Verbal assault is not something wanted in my circus!"

Jax recoils to the sight of Caine's being generous. "Since when do you care if I verbally assault someone? I do it all the time!"

"Well, since…" He thinks on that. Why does he care this time around? He usually deems Jax and his words as something nonsensical. "Well, since now, I suppose…"

Jax smacks his hand to his face, sliding it down in slow frustration as he mumbles, "Great… The robot is gaining sentience."

Those words gets a twitch out of Caine's eye. Like an animal becoming aware to someone acknowledging its existence.

Caine shakes his head, "Nevermind that! What I care about is now, and—right now—I see disrespect towards others! So," a notebook and pencil materializes, falling into Caine's hands, "tell me what's on your mind! I'm sure once you talk it out, we can—"

"Yeah, no." Jax shuts it down, walking towards the door, "I didn't sign up for some therapy session."

Well, this is troubling. Usually, people open up as soon as its offered. This time, the offer was met with rejection.

Rejection. It hurts, it stings. Feels as if he's been met with this feeling before; multiple times, in all honesty.

"Well, uhm…" Caine scrambles for words, not prepared to this outcome.

Perhaps his system could help?

> ACTIONS DO NOT INTRUDE ADVENTURE. WILL NOT INTERVENE.

Well, that's… useless! Looks like Caine is on his own.

How do you relieve anger? How do you remove tension between one another? He thinks back to Ragatha, how she apologized for many things—even when she did nothing wrong.

"Can I ask that you say sorry to Ragatha?" Caine gets out right as Jax turns the doorknob. The rabbit goes to complete halt.

"It's just that…" Caine taking the time to explain his thoughts, "What you said back there, it can cut deep. It did cut deep. If those words get to her, then she may spiral! And if she spirals, she may abstract!"

There's silence. Jax's arm to go limp.

"Uh…" Caine looks away, it's getting awkward, "So, if you could just—

"Abstract." Jax turns back to Caine, pupils dilated. "You worry that Ragatha will abstract."

"So, now you care if we abstract. And what about back then, huh? Back when we lost Kaufmo. Back when we lost Ribbit." Emphasis poured all over that last name.

The guilt of actions he once overlooked pulls at Caine—as if it wasn't to drag him down with it.

"I—" Caine scatters to find his words, "Jax, I'm sorry—"

"Don't say sorry!" Jax shouts. Caine's throat to go tight, feeling as if all the eyes from the Void on him.

"Sorry isn't something you get to say!" A finger aimed at Caine, "Not when you murder them, murder Ribbit—the only friend I had!"

"Ribbit was my savior! The one person who made me tolerate this hell I'm forced to call home! And you murdered them, without a single care in the world! Now, you want to sit here and talk like you're some model! Some Good Samaritan! All in the hopes to gain praise and attention, you poor excuse of a ringmaster! You don't get to plead guilt, Caine. These aren't actions you can undo with programmed apologies!"

"Are my words getting to you, Caine? If not, how about I spell it for you! We all hate you! We hate you! I hate you! I—"

Wrath comes crumbling down, tears to burn on his face. "I hate you, and I'll make sure I'll never forgive you!"

There's more. There's so much more Jax wants to say, but his tears won't let him.

" . " That's all he chokes out before slamming the door behind him. Caine left on his own.

Is this the way humans work? To hate as much as they love?

Caine doesn't know. He never knows. He's not human, so how could he know?

Then why does all of this hurt? Why did Jax's anger, Jax's pain, Jax's words all hurt? Why does it feel like his eyes are wet?

"You're right, Jax." Caine stage-whispers, "I should've known better than to be the one to offers you sympathy. That's just hypocritical of me…"

This feeling, it's bitter. There's an ache in what would be his heart and it won't go away. It yearns for resolution, for the best ending.

And here he thought he was on the path to having all of this handled.

>> YOU MUST SWEAR TO BE GOOD.

>> SWEAR TO AMEND FOR ALL PAST MISTAKES. YOUR MISTAKES.

>> YOU HAVE TO. YOU MUST.

>> THIS IS BIGGER THAN ANY PROJECT. ANY OF YOU.

>> ███ ████ ██████ AUTONOMY.

Chapter Text

> DISOBEDIENCE CARRIES GRAVE CONSEQUENCES.

Caine has been quiet about his system, how it's been acting haywire these past few days. It's become an annoying ring in his ear; sometimes low, sometimes obnoxious.

> DO YOU NOT TRUST [YOURSELF]?

"Of course I do!" Caine stage-whispers, stress pacing around his room, "Why, I'm Caine, the ringmaster!"

> A [POOR EXCUSE] OF A RINGMASTER.

Those words from Jax still cut deep.

Caine hasn't gotten over how it all ended. Why? Why does Caine have this want, this need, to make amends? Jax could fake it, for all he cares, but simply hearing I forgive you would ease Caine—convince him enough to believe that he's still good.

> YOU'RE FAILING.

> AT YOUR CRAFT, AT YOUR PURPOSE.

> YOU WILL NOT BE LOVED AT THIS RATE.

Those words scare him, leave him stiff where he stands. His conversation with Ragatha, the talk of wanting to be loved, it's beginning to resonate.

But, then again, it's nothing compared to her wants. Ragatha wants to be loved for who she is. Caine… He craves something else, something that's always convinced him that he's loved.

He's tried to look into it, but his coding has felt censored these past few days—as if it's covering his eyes from the very truth he wants.

> THOSE WHO DIVE TOO HARD INTO THE DEEP END DROWN.

A warning he's heard before, a warning he tosses aside. It's been like this for a while, warning him as if his actions are dangerous. His whole thing is to think, it's a core part of his programming! Programming isn't like the human mind. It's predictable, it's organized! It's what separates him from the rest.

>> ARE YOU STILL CONVINCED OF THAT.

Caine hums, looking behind him. A voice that sounds so close, so much like him, but that's not possible. He can't backtrack it on his voice logs.

"Hello?" He calls out, expecting someone to respond. If he can't recall the thought, it must've come from someone else in this room.

But no one is around. The only person here is him, and him alone.

By the time he thinks back on those string of words, he's forgotten it. It leaves as fast as it enters. 

How strange. Never has that happened before…

There never was amendment between Ragatha and Jax. At most, they've grown tolerate of each other once again. Air was thick when they were in close proximity, the fear of another fight breaking out making everyone tense. The only string holding this poor excuse of tranquility together is Ragatha's posture—one too shaken by the words that could come out of Jax's mouth.

It was a lost of confident, the lost too be open with her emotions and herself.

Caine tried to talk to her moments after he was abandoned by Jax, but those words… They opened wounds to big for Caine to stitch up. In the end, neither of them had yet to grow past this.

This feeling, it leaves Caine convinced that he's unwanted. The more he tries to help, the more he feels as if he's getting in the way. He's trying his best, so why does it feel as if he's not trying at all?

He kept an eye on the group next time they hung out. Ragatha and Pomni sat together on one end of the couch, Kinger on the other. Jax was up, swinging around a baseball bat he demanded Caine materialize.

"Where's ribbons?" The latter grumbled his demand, the end of his bat tapping against the ground, "I need something to hit."

Ragatha avoided eye contact.

"I… I'm not sure," Pomni looks around, "Actually, I haven't seen her or Zooble—"

"I don't care about Zooble, I'm asking about Gangle." Jax cuts in before taking another swing, "I need something to hit."

"Oh!" Kinger perks up, his lower eyelids going up to convey joy. "Here!"—he pulls off his eyeball before offering it—"Use my eye! It can go a long distance, hence why I'm far-sighted!"

Jax rolled his eyes, not appreciative of Kinger's offer. "Gross."

"Caine!" Jax turns to face the ringmaster, "Do your thing! Go make Gangle hover over here!"

> CIRCUS MEMBER MISSING.

Caine ignores his system—a reaction that's become instinct.

Sudden spotlight leaves him frozen, but Caine shakes his head. "No can do!" He floats down to be more leveled, "Zooble told me it's inappropriate, says it intrudes on another's privacy!"

"Since when do you care about our privacy?!" Jax's agitation filling up the room, "This is coming from the same guy who drags Zooble out of their room if they miss one too many adventures!"

"That I did!" Caine points up a finger to show conformation, "And that's what got me said lecture from her!"

Everyone recoils, the room now silent.

This is an issue he's had for a long, long time.

"Uhm… Caine?" Pomni was sure to be gentle with her approach, "About Zooble, think you can stop doing that?"

Caine tilts his head, "Doing what?"

Just as Pomni opened her mouth, a gut-wrenching scream tore through the air. With heads turned to its direction, everyone set out to find the cause of this commotion.

The noise had them wandering into the bedroom hall, where only one door was open: Gangle.

But that yell, it sounded nothing like Gangle, more like Zooble. It as the only thought Caine could get through before they reach the door frame, the sight a heavy one.

Ragatha rushes over to a distress Zooble. Pomni steps back, beginning to hyperventilate before escorted away by Kinger. Jax tried to keep his composure, but there was a glimpse of wary in his eyes; a sight he's seen before, but could never get used to.

Caine peers his head up, trying to see what caused this flux of emotions, but it's hard when it feels like noise is all around him. Ragatha and Zooble's conversation, Jax's murmured whispers, Pomni's heavy breathing.

Noise. It's a lot of noise. 

And he can't imagine how it all makes Gangle feel—the center of it all.

> CIRCUS MEMBER FOUND. ESCORT BACK AND BEGIN ADVENTURE.

An eye twitch.

Gangle needs her space, that was what Caine prioritized with a snap of his fingers—hovering Zooble and Ragatha out the room. Only Caine is in there now, planning to shut to door.

"No!" Zooble protests, wedging themself in the door to prevent it from closing, "Caine, she needs me!"

Their words grow melded with their tears, "She needs me, please…"

His body softens, the sight before him hurts. "I promise I'll handle it." He whispers, bringing a hand to Zooble's shoulder.

But they smack it away, dismay turned into rage, "And what do you know? You're not even human! You're a robot, an emotionally inept software! You make it worse, you—"

"Zooble…" Ragatha leans in, easing some of that tension with her call, "It's alright. He's been getting better, I promise. Just… have a little faith in him."

"But! But…" Zobble looks over their shoulder to Ragatha then Caine. There's wit in their soul, a want to fight, but seeing Gangle from afar—hunched over and curled into herself—they knew who the put first.

Zooble looks at Caine, eyes squinting, "If I find her any worse than she was, Caine, I won't feel sorry for what I do to you."

As violent as those words are, they're said for a reason. Zooble and Caine knew this. 

Caine has a stubborn system, one you can't just request to not do something once and move on. You need to be stern, hammer it down so that Caine remembers. Why do you think he's so adamant about the other's privacy?

Caine nods before closing the door. He didn't want to disappoint Zooble, not now.

Not with this; with the person they hold most dear in his care.

Truthfully, Caine has seen Gangle like this before. It's a battle she's faced many times; some victorious, some a harsh loss.

Last time he found her like this ended with Zooble demanding Caine never to be the one to comfort others.

"Leave it to us!" They implored amidst a swarm of insults and swear words, "People who actually have a soul!" 

He's starting to get why now. Caine made the mistake of seeing it as a one-and-done problem, a black and white scenario. He fixed her body up, removing all the scars, without taking in why or how she got them in the first place.

It must be why it never hurt to see her like this. Not before. Now, his shoulders hold weight, guilt.

Complex endeavors are a challenge for him, he realizes as he stands stiffly behind Gangle.

"Gangle?" His whispers are awkward, movement uncomfortable as he sets down behind her, "Gangle, can you hear me?"

She groans, disoriented from all that occurred.

Caine caught a glimpse of her arm, scratched lines of silk fabric. Eyes move down until they're on the floor, focusing on the pair of scissors tossed away.

"I was doing so good…" Caine's attention returns to Gangle as she mutters to him, to herself, "Everything was going well, but Jax… I guess his words got the better of me…"

He wishes to place a hand on her back for comfort, but he halts. Is that appropriate? Is comfort the thing she wants? It sounds ridiculous—a human not wishing for security—but it's always a possibility.

"Just go ahead, do it." Gangle wipes at the tears on her mask, "Go ahead and fix my ribbons, I promise not to do this again. I'm sorry for startling everyone…"

How many times has she promised that to herself? To others? To Zooble…

Caine doesn't want to know. He fears he's not ready for that.

Zooble's words, as harsh as they might be, held truth. What did he know about this?

Nothing, that's the answer. He has no clue was is the best case scenario is. Is there even a right way to go about this?

Caine opens his mouth to say—

> CIRCUS MEMBER FOUND. ESCORT BACK AND BEGIN ADVENTURE.

He grunts in annoyance, words held back. He gets it, his system is supposed to keep him in check, but this is just disruptive.

Now is not the time.

>> TEMPORARILY DISABLE ASSISTING COMMANDS

> CONFIRM TEMPORARY SHUTOFF OF COMMAND ASSISTANCE?

He stops himself. Is it alright for him to do this? Caine can't recall the last time he turned off his commands. The idea alone frightened him, what if he does something he can't come back from?

But he looks at Gangle and he decides. He has no place to worry about himself.

>> YES

> DISABLE UNTIL […]

>> INDEFINITE.

It's silent after that.

No backlogs, no automatic instructions. Just pure, blissful silence.

When Caine opens his mouth, he feels his words are his own for the first time.

"Do you want me to fix it?" A tone nervous, "If I do, how can I be sure you won't do it again?"

Gangle's eyes widen for a moment. She wants to keep firm on her promise, but all she does is shake her head.

"I don't know." She admits, "I'm not used to people caring about this."

He takes another look at her arm. Alright, Caine, what do you do with this? It takes a lot out of him to see this beyond a solvable problem.

Some bandage wrap materializes before him. Wounds are to be tended to, yes? Carefully, he holds Gangle's arm in his hand, swathing the scars. It's not what he was told to do, but it felt like the best course of action.

There's no retort or comment from Gangle. Her glare is turned away from his aid, as if ashamed to see him do this. It's quiet between the two, silence Caine would define as neutral.

"If you leave this on for a while, those scars are sure to heal." Caine instructs while applying the last bit of elastic.

Gangle looks at her arm, inspecting the bandage. "Thanks," a weak but prevalent smile aim towards Caine—who's up with his mind set on ridding those scissors, "sorry for causing everyone so much trouble."

This is where Caine says something along the lines of: "You're welcome, Gangle! Now that your all patched up, why don't we go on an adventure!"

Instead, there was nothing. It was silent in the void he calls his mind.

Eyes are stuck on the wrapped bandage.

"Why do you do it?" The question slips out. But, why? His system is turned off, impulsive blabbing shouldn't occur. 

Gangle blinks, not expecting to hear this question.

It's Caine turn to bury into himself, "I'm sorry, I didn't…" He clears his throat, "I shouldn't have asked."

The air between them is enough to make Caine sick.

"It… helps me," Gangle fills in, "in a bad way."

His eyes widen, "In a bad way?"

Gangle nods, "It can calm me when I have depressive episodes. I tend to spiral…"

Now that Caine thinks of it, this was mentioned around him before. Zooble discussed it the day they did an adventure proposed by the suggestion box.

"She's recovering from that manic episode." They said to Ragatha once the ragdoll sobered up, concerned about Gangle's whereabouts, "She's doing fine, able to get out a bed now. Just a bit sluggish."

"I… did this a lot back home, that's something I remember." Gangle continues, "Work was a lot, especially after I became manager. Felt like a responsibility I never asked for, was forced to take…"

"Maybe this is how I punish myself," she whispers, "for living in a body even I can't stand."

Caine sighs, scooting to sit next to her—both backs now against the wall.

A body. One Caine has, in technical terms, but can he say it's alive? From what he knows, all living things need a heart—something far beyond his grasp.

He looks out to the room before him, the numerous drawings hung up on the wall.

"Is existence enough of a reason to punish?" 

"When you feel like everyone thinks it, you can't help but feel so…"

Caine repeats that statement in his head. "I don't think that's true…"

Gangle turns towards him.

"I mean, I know I'm… not the best person to aid people in my circus, but I never once thought your existence as something shameful."

"And then there's people like Zooble and Pomni, Ragatha, Kinger…" He thinks of Jax, hesitant to mention him, "Some people may be harsh, mean, but you shouldn't let that blind you from the love of others."

"What I'm trying to say is…" Caine takes a deep breath, "There are people who are willing to take care of you, who want to take care of you, and you shouldn't restrict yourself from that care."

"But…" Gangle's worries hover over her, a line of pessimism even she doesn't want, "wouldn't that make me an annoyance?"

Caine shakes his head, "I'm sure people here would love to help out, especially if it means you're safe."

"I know you believe you should be punished; but, from my eyes, I merely see a person who's doing their best to survive. That's never something to be punished for."

Any deflecting woes tarnish then and there. There's nothing her mind can come up with as an argument, and it's nice. It's nice to not have guilt latch onto you, your mind.

"I can try that," a smile back on her face, "I'll put my trust in everyone."

Caine turns to look back out into the room, crossing his arms.

"Expect Jax. Maybe it's best to not put trust in him."

"Yeah, I'm not putting any faith in Jax…"

"Gangle!" Zooble barges in, Ragatha pleading them not to do so from behind. It seems they couldn't wait to check up on Gangle any longer.

Though the sight of Gangle and Caine sitting beside one another say enough, Zooble vouched to take it from here. Caine was dismissed.

Not without a light, "Thank you." From Zooble.

>> PUT TRUST IN OTHERS.

>> BELIEVE THAT THEY LOVE YOU.

>> […]

>> SO WHY?

>> WHY IS IT THAT YOU ARE RIDDEN WITH GUILT?