Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chat: mr iron and Spiderling

Spiderling: mr stark?

hello?

im not saying this is urgent but im also not saying this is not urgent

mr iron: Hey Kid, You okay?

Spiderling: yeah peachy

mr iron: Okay what did you want?

Spiderling: nothing just a q

mr iron: Shoot

Spiderling: rembr when i got stabbed

mr iron: Which time

Spiderling: last time

mr iron: Yes.

Spiderling: so remember you got mad

like really mad

said i caused a panic attack

and then that you were gonna sedate me

for 40 years.

or reverse the bite

and then you said i was giving you grey hairs

so i said you already had them

then you had a go at me bc now wasnt the time for jokes

given that i was bleeding out in the middle of a side street

mr iron: Yes. I remember it.

Spiderling: so u said the problm was me not telling you that i got stabbed in the right way

mr iron: No Peter, the problem was you NOT telling me you got stabbed. Karen told me. Not you.

Spiderling: eh fineprint stuff.

anyway

was just wondering

next time i get stabbed how do u want me to tell u

mr iron: Can we just work on not getting stabbed?

Spiderling: well yeh but just incase

mr iron: Okay, fine. Then you call me the second it happens, I have modified your suit anyway Karen calls me whenever you're being neglectful to your health.

Spiderling: okay

so to confirm

if i happen to get stabbed then i call u

mr iron: Yes, I feel like this shouldn't need clarification. I have told you this.

Spiderling: okay.

Calling mr iron

mr iron: Oh god.

mr iron: PETER WHERE ARE YOU

Spiderling: omg capslock

mr stark are u panicking rn

mr iron: NO

SHUT UP

DONT MOVE

Chat: PetPar and NeedLe

PetPar: ned

ned

nedward

NED!

NeedLe: YES???

PetPar: i lowk got stabbed ahain

NeedLe: SHIT

r u ok????

PetPar: yeah fine

but mr stark is kinda mad

NeedLe: aw crap

does he know about...yk?

PetPar: probs but also its chill

he cant be mad if im actively bleeding out

NeedLe: true

good point

guess what?

PetPar: what

NeedLe: we can finally get a dog

PetPar: NED I HAVE BEEN STABBED

NeedLe: i know but i got excited about the dog

PetPar: ned…

aren’t you allergic to dogs??

NeedLe: …well maybe a little

but we can manage

Chat: guy in the chair and human knife tester

guy in the chair: cant believe u got stabbed again last night

human knife tester: lmao

when did u change ur name to guy in the chair

guy in the chair: yesterday

i am the guy in the chair

ur name is human knife tester in mine

bc yk

u keep getting stabbed

human knife tester: dude

change my name

please

guy in the chair: no

human knife tester: PLEASEEEE

I WILL HAVK YR PHCONE

guy in the chair: fine

wholey idiot: thanks

oh

dude

mr stark is mad at you

guy in the chair: AT ME?

WHY?

WHAT I DO

PETER WHAT DID I SAY

DID I DO SOMETHING STUPIF

wholey idiot: i tolf him you hacked into my suit

to remove the stupid teenage walking health risk protocol

guy in the chair: WHY DID U TELL HIM IT WAS ME? YOU MADE ME DO IT I SAID I DONT WANT TO DO IT YOU SAID OH DONT WORRY NED ITLL BE FINE HE WONT CARE

THANKS A LOT

wholey idiot: i mean tbf i didnt think he would care

he asked who hacked it

n i thought he was impressed

so i said you bc like yk idk acc but i thought put a good word in

turns out he wasnt impressed

well i think he was

but like not impressed at me

so maybe he is mad at me

not you

checks out

guy in the chair: PETER I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK BC I THOUGHT TONY STARK HATED ME AND TURNS OUT HE HATES YOU?

wholey idiot: LMAO

he might still mildly dislike you

idk

guy in the chair: can i please apologise

can i have his number pls

pls

wholey idiot: sure

iron helicopter

guy in the chair: thanks

omg

wholey idiot: what

guy in the chair: i forgot to ask about you getting stabbed

i got a bit caught up in tony stark hating me

wholey idiot: lmao

light stabbing

nothing fun to report on

standard knife

not like that blue one last week

guy in the chair: that knife was so cool

wholey idiot: I KNOW

im so glad you think that

bc mr stark picked me up n was all like peter i dont care about the colour of the knife

but like IT WAS BLUE

idek where you get blue knives

i shoulda stolen it

guy in the chair: you should have

why didnt you

wholey idiot: i was passing out at the time

guy in the chair: thats so fair

im gonna text tony stark now and apologise

wholey idiot: dont call him tony stark

pleade

ned

bro

dude

ned

oh god

call him mr stark dont full government name him

ned

Chat: Unknown and the actual tony stark

Unknown: Hello, Mr Tony Stark. It is me. Ned Leeds. Peter’s friend/guy in the chair

the actual tony stark: You're the one who hacked his suit?

Peter’s friend: …yes.

well.

hack? idk.

i had permission from the owner

oh god

why wont it let me delete that

im so sorry mr tony stark

i am so sorry

how can i make it up to you

the actual tony stark: How about you don't do it again?

Peter’s friend: yes sir

im sorry

the actual tony stark: Okay. I mean it was kind of impressive.

For a kid.

Peter’s friend: can i have a job?

or like  

i could be ur guy in the chair

ik im peters but i can have two chairs

the actual tony stark: No

Peter’s friend: oh

okay

the actual tony stark: You can come to the tower though. Next time Peter comes for lab day, come with him.

Peter’s friend: W H A T

the actual tony stark: Can I block your number now?

Peter’s friend: NO

this is the coolest thing that has ever happened to me

the actual tony stark: What, your friend being stabbed and nearly passing out because you hacked into multi million dollar tech? That is the coolest thing to ever happen to you?

Peter’s friend: no?

just that i have ur number

pls pls dont make me delete it

the actual tony stark: Okay.

Peter’s friend: yay

thank you mr tony stark

and im sorry again

will not happen again

scouts honor

🫡

Chat: iron helicopter and Spiderling

Spiderling: hi

iron helicopter: What.

Spiderling: no hello?

who shit in ur cereal this morning

iron helicopter: Hello

What do you want?

Also watch your mouth

Spiderling: jfc ur in a bad mood

iron helicopter: It's 1am, you're on patrol and im trying to track your vitals and location if you could be so kind in standing still

Spiderling: ...

thats like a total invasion of my privacy

iron helicopter: You lost privacy privileges when you decided to get your little buddy to hack into my tech and proceeded to bleed out next to a deli.

Spiderling: it wasn't a deli

it was a pizza place

iron helicopter: Peter.

Spiderling: yes?

iron helicopter: Have you broken your shoulder?

Spiderling: no

iron helicopter: Uh huh

Then why am I staring at a scan of your shoulder, broken.

Spiderling: must be old

i did dislocate it

but i relocated it

so its fine

iron helicopter: Peter, its broken.

Spiderling: its not broken!

its fractured

but thats fine

i fracture stuff all the time

i fractured my rib last night

its fine now

iron helicopter: I need you to realise how much that did the opposite of reassuring me

Spiderling: mr stark honestly im fine

all good

iron helicopter: Okay...

Why did you text me in the first place?

Spiderling: oh ye

can i swing by on my way home?

im lowk starving and all the good food places have shut the only places that are open look like they want to poison me and film it

iron helicopter: Sure.

But I'm sending you a car, you're not swinging with a fractured shoulder.

Spiderling: mr stark honestly im fine

iron helicopter: Don't care.

Spiderling: okay :(

omg

can you pick me up

can we go to a drive thru

iron helicopter: We are in the middle of the city, where are you expecting me to find you a drive thru?

Spiderling: oh sht yeh

sucks

well im On my way!

jfc i hate that thing

iron helicopter: I quite literally said that I am sending you a car a minute ago.

Spiderling: who is driving said car

iron helicopter: Happy

Spiderling: ...

let me in im outside

i think im on ur floor

wait no

oops

mr stark why do you have ppl working at 1am

thats bad

im gonna call hr on u

ne ways

if someone contacts you tmw bc someone in a spider-man costume made them drop a vial of smth... i wasn't involved

just out of curiosity what was in the vial

it was more like a tube tbh

mr stark can you let me in now

iron helicopter: Christ kid.

I was on the phone to Happy, he is not Happy.

Spiderling: who was he then?

why were you calling a stranger

mr stark its really cold out here, i will freeze

iron helicopter: Put your heaters on, just give me a minute.

Aren't you meant to be a genius can you not open the window yourself?

Spiderling: no

i tried...

i snapped the handle off

iron helicopter: Great.

Spiderling: have you made me food?

iron helicopter: Mac n cheese

Spiderling: the orange one??????

iron helicopter: Yes

Spiderling: YAY

CAN YOU PLEASE OPEN THE WINDOW NOW

iron helicopter: I am literally walking into the kitchen rn

Spiderling: uhhh

mr stark

i think im on the wrong floor again

...

do u happen to have any tech to erase memories

second question

do you know that two of your security guards are dating

or smth

iron helicopter: I've opened the window, find the right floor.

Spiderling: im traumatised mr stark

iron helicopter: You are very different from me when I was 15.

Spiderling: EW GROSS

IM GOING HOME

iron helicopter: Not with that shoulder you're not

Kid. Inside. 

Spiderling: ...okay

what abt may

iron helicopter: I texted May the second you texted me

Spiderling: snitch

iron helicopter: Cry me a river

Your Mac n cheese is getting cold kid

Spiderling: OKAY ONE SEC

On my way! 

JFC

Chapter Text

Chat: Spiderling and mr stark

Spiderling: does this make me look like a nerd or like a cool nerd???

(photo attached: Peter in front of his mirror, hoodie half-zipped, finger guns, socks definitely not matching)

mr stark: Kid.

Why am I getting changing room selfies at 11pm?

Spiderling: NO NO NO NO NO NO

THAT WASNT FOR U

DELETE IT RIGHT NOW

mr stark: Deleted? No.

Screenshotted? Absolutely.

Spiderling: i will never recover from this

i will literally dissolve into ash again

mr stark: Relax, Short Stack.

You look like a nerd.

Spiderling: …like a cool nerd tho?

mr stark: No. Just a nerd.

Spiderling: mr stark please i have nothing left

mr stark: Fine. A tolerable nerd.

There. Happy?

Spiderling: not really but i’ll take it

mr stark: Good. Now stop sending me your mirror selfies.

Spiderling: IT WASNT FOR YOU IT WAS FOR MJ

mr stark: Oh, for MJ. That’s worse.

Is this how you flirt?

Do you want me to give you a lesson?

Spiderling: i hate everything

mr stark: Don’t be so dramatic. Also match your socks next time.

Spiderling: i literally cannot do this anymore

mr stark: You’re welcome.

Chat: The kid and grumpy

The kid:happpyyyyy

grumpy: No.

The kid: you didn’t even let me say anything??

grumpy: Because every time you text me it’s either:

1) “can you drive me somewhere”

2) “do you think mr stark is mad at me”

or 3) something involving food.

The kid: …

okay well this time it’s #2

but i really think he’s mad at me

grumpy: He’s not.

The kid: he sighed REALLY loud when i said goodnight yesterday

like “dad who’s disappointed” loud

not “regular human breathing” loud

grumpy: That’s just how he breathes.

The kid: no i know his breathing patterns by now hap

trust me this was pointed

grumpy: Don't call me Hap.

He’s not mad.

The kid: how do you know??

grumpy: Because if he was, he wouldn’t have sent me this.

(photo attached)

The kid: HAPPY.

HOW.

grumpy: Tony sent it to me.

Said I’d need it someday.

He was right.

The kid: DELETE IT

I’M BEGGING

grumpy: No.

The kid: THIS IS CRUEL

PSYCHOLOGICAL CHILD ABUSE

grumpy: No, this is called leverage.

The kid: i hate you both so much

actually i quit.

i’m moving to canada.

grumpy: Don’t forget your socks.

Chat: Tones' kid and uncle roads

uncle roads: …son.

What are you wearing?

(photo attached)

Tones' kid: RHODEY

NO

WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT

uncle roads: Tony.

Obviously.

Tones' kid: WHAT DO YOU MEAN OBVIOUSLY

WHY WOULD HE DO THIS TO ME

uncle roads: Because it’s hilarious.

And honestly? I gotta agree with him.

One sock is Avengers-themed. The other has pizza slices??

Tones' kid: THEY WERE THE ONLY CLEAN ONES OKAY

and the finger guns were ironic

btw

uncle roads: Sure, kid. Totally looked ironic.

Looked like you were trying to start a boy band.

Tones' kid: IM BLOCKING YOU

I’M BLOCKING EVERYONE

uncle roads: Go ahead. I’ll still have the picture.

Chat: Pete and salt 

salt: Peter, honey… do you need new socks?

Pete: WHAT

NO

PEPPER WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT

salt: Because Tony sent me a picture.

(photo attached)

salt: And I’m wondering if you’d like me to take you shopping. Maybe get some normal pairs. Or just clothes advice in general?

Pete: I AM NEVER LEAVING MY ROOM AGAIN

MR STARK IS ACTUALLY EVIL

PLEASE DELETE THAT

salt: Sweetheart, it’s already saved in three separate folders.

But seriously, Target run?

Pete: PEPPER PLS

salt: You know what, let’s get another opinion.

Pepper has added auntmay to the chat

auntmay: …Peter. What is this.

Pete: MAY NO PLEASE DONT LOOK

THE FINGER GUNS WERE IRONIC

auntmay: Were they also “ironic” socks? One Avengers, one pizza slice?

Pete: THEY WERE THE ONLY CLEAN ONES OKAY

auntmay: Pete why dont you just do your laundry?

Why would you ever think this was okay to send to anyone?

Pete: I WAS TRYING TO BE COOL FOR MJ

auntmay: …Cool?

Pepper: Oh no, sweetie. Not cool. Not even close.

Pete: I HATE EVERYTHING

Chat: Spiderling and traitor

Spiderling: mr stark.

i cannot believe you.

you sent that picture to EVERYONE??

traitor: Not everyone. Just the people who’d appreciate it most.

Spiderling: THAT WAS PRIVATE

traitor: Private? Kid, you sent it to me.

That’s on you.

Spiderling: BY MISTAKE

i actually hate you

traitor: No you don’t.

You’re just embarrassed.

Spiderling: no im MAD

rhodey. happy. PEPPER. MAY.

literally everyone is bullying me because of YOU

traitor: Correction: they’re bullying you because of you.

I just distributed the evidence.

Spiderling: THAT MAKES IT WORSE

traitor: You’re welcome.

Spiderling: i swear im quitting

traitor: Oh please. You’ll forget all about this in a week.

Spiderling: you’re the WORST

im moving to antartica

i swear im never talking to any of you again

traitor: Sure you won't. Dinner is at 7. 

Maybe wear an actual pair of socks and no nerd t-shirt.

And no crying about 'bullying'.

Spiderling: BLOCKED

traitor: Sure kid. 

See you at 7.

Chapter Text

Chat: toeknee *k and Spiderling

toeknee *k: You busy, kid?

Spiderling: depends

my answer is determined on whether i get free food or not

toeknee *k: Not food. Lab time.

Spiderling: IM IN

toeknee *k: You agreed too fast. That’s suspicious.

Spiderling: i just rlly love lab time :)

toeknee *k: Uh huh, sure you do.

Anyway, I’ve got a board meeting in thirty minutes. I’ll be out for a bit, but you can start sorting the inventory.

Spiderling: sorting?? lame

toeknee *k: It’s either that or I give the task to Dum-E, he’d probably finish it faster and alphabetize correctly.

Spiderling: hurtful

what kind of sorting

toeknee *k: Labeled samples, small components, nothing dangerous.

Do not touch anything glowing.

Spiderling: define “glowing”

toeknee *k: …If it emits light without a lamp or battery, don’t touch it.

Spiderling: okay okay i got it

toeknee *k: FRIDAY’s watching you.

Spiderling: tell her to blink twice if she’s in danger

toeknee *k: I’m muting you now.

Spiderling: okay byeeee

Chat: wholey idiot and guy in the chair

wholey idiot: ned

ned ned ned ned ned

guy in the chair: oh god what did u do

wholey idiot: nothing!!!

technically

guy in the chair: that means u did something

wholey idiot: tony said i could help in the lab

he’s in a meeting rn so i’m doing super important science work

guy in the chair: define “super important”

wholey idiot: i’m sorting beakers

guy in the chair: riveting

wholey idiot: okay but some of them are like glowing a little bit

guy in the chair: glowing how much

wholey idiot: like “radioactive mutant goo” glow or “soft cozy lamp” glow depending on the angle

guy in the chair: and u didn’t touch it right

wholey idiot: no obviously not

…

maybe a little

guy in the chair: PETER

wholey idiot: it bubbled

guy in the chair: u need to call mr stark right now

wholey idiot: he’s in a meeting

and technically it’s his fault for leaving something this interesting unattended

guy in the chair: it’s literally glowing dude

wholey idiot: it stopped glowing

guy in the chair: that’s worse

wholey idiot: oh wait nvm

it’s fine it’s just

okay no it’s moving

guy in the chair: WHAT DO U MEAN MOVING

wholey idiot: gotta go brb ned the goo has achieved sentience

Chat: Spiderling and toeknee *k

Spiderling: hey mr stark hows the meeting

toeknee *k: Fine. Why are you texting me during it?

Spiderling: just checking in :)

making sure u didn’t fall asleep or anything

toeknee *k: You’ve never cared about my board meetings before.

What did you touch.

Spiderling: what?? nothing!!!

can’t a guy check in on his mentor

toeknee *k: Not when that guy is you.

What did you do, Peter.

Spiderling: okay so

just like a small issue

toeknee *k: Define “small.”

Spiderling: like…

palm sized

toeknee *k: That’s not what I meant and you know it.

Spiderling: okay fine maybe the goo was a little alive

toeknee *k: Excuse me?

Spiderling: but it’s okay i put it in a jar

so like problem contained :)

toeknee *k: It moved on its own and your solution was to put it in a jar?

Spiderling: well yeah i couldn’t just let it walk around!!

that’d be irresponsible

toeknee *k: I am leaving this meeting early.

Spiderling: no need!!

everything is 100% fine now :)

the jar just fell over but i think it likes me

toeknee *k: Peter.

Step away from the jar.

Spiderling: i would but it’s kinda following me

like a pet

toeknee *k: Fantastic. You’ve adopted radioactive jello.

I’m on my way.

Spiderling: its name is beaks :)

Chat: The boss and Tony

The boss: I noticed you left the meeting early. Any particular reason, or did your attention span give out again?

Tony: Sorry Pep, had to step out. The kid poked something that may or may not have been alive.

The boss: …Alive?

Tony: Wiggly. Moving. Probably self-aware.

He put it in a jar.

The boss: Please tell me you’re joking.

Tony: Do I sound like I’m joking? He also named it Beaks.

The boss: Of course he did.

Tony: Anyway, I’m taking him to get checked. Just in case Beaks was toxic, radioactive, or planning world domination.

The boss: Tony, why was a kid allowed near that if you don’t even know what it is?

Tony: To be fair, I told him to “not touch anything glowing” while I was gone.
He just interpreted that as “touch everything glowing but fast.”

The boss: Great.

I’ll reschedule the meeting. Again.

Tony: Thank you. Add “hire a babysitter for the teenager” to my task list.

The boss: You already have one. It's you.

Tony: That’s the problem.

Group Chat: trying to keep peter alive

toeknee *k: Hey May. Peter’ll be home soon. Just in the medbay for a bit.

Mayday: Oh god. What happened.

toeknee *k: Minor lab incident.

Mayday: The last time you said “minor incident” he came home with singed eyebrows.

toeknee *k: I thought I could leave your 15 year old nephew alone in the lab for half an hour.

Turns out he cannot follow instructions.

Spiderling: hey rude

Mayday: Pete. What did you do.

Spiderling: i touched a glass is that such a crime??

toeknee *k: Yes, when I specifically told you not to touch it.

Mayday: Why did you touch it??

Spiderling: it was glowing

Mayday: that’s never a good reason to touch something, peter.

toeknee *k: It was glowing, it was wiggling, it was definitely sentient. So obviously he decided to poke it.

Spiderling: i wanted to see if it was friendly!!

Mayday: and was it??

Spiderling: kinda!!

it followed me around a little :)

toeknee *k: May, if it makes you feel better, it only tried to eat one lab stool.

Mayday: That not make me feel better

Spiderling: so can we keep him?

Mayday: absolutely not.

toeknee *k: It hissed at me.

Spiderling: he’s just shy!!

Mayday: Peter, you can’t keep a radioactive slime as a pet.

Spiderling: but his name’s beaks :(

toeknee *k: I’m pouring Beaks down the containment chute first thing tomorrow.

Spiderling: MURDERER

Mayday: Tony please don’t actually pour anything living down a chute

toeknee *k: Fine. I’ll freeze it instead.

Mayday: oh my god.

Spiderling: beaks deserves rights :(

toeknee *k: You’ve known it for an hour, it killed 25 bugs and tried to consume your toe in the first 10 minutes.

Spiderling: i can change him

Mayday: I need a vacation.

toeknee *k: Make it two.

Spiderling: rude

Mayday: Just bring him home in one piece, okay?

toeknee *k: No promises, but I’ll try.

Spiderling: :)

Mayday: why does that seem ominous

Spiderling: because it is.

toeknee *k: Kid, lets go.

FRIDAY: Logging incident #47 — “boy vs. blob.”

Chapter Text

Chat: Spiderling and toeknee *k

Spiderling: okay hear me out

what if my webs could change colour and also light up

or or

like fire webs 

toeknee *k: It’s four in the morning.

Spiderling: yeah but like imagine it

toeknee *k: Kid. Why are you awake.

Spiderling: …why are YOU awake

toeknee *k: I’m an adult with chronic insomnia.

What’s your excuse?

Spiderling: brainstorm struck

greatness doesn’t sleep

toeknee *k: Greatness is going to be late for school if he doesn’t go to bed.

Spiderling: u sound like may rn

toeknee *k: Good. Fear is a great motivator.

Spiderling: okay but about the fire webs

toeknee *k: No.

Go to sleep before you electrocute yourself again.

Spiderling: that was ONE TIME

also technically i only electrocuted half of myself

toeknee *k: Congratulations. You’re grounded on 50% of your body.

Spiderling: unfair

toeknee *k: Bed. Now. Or I’m installing a bedtime lockout on your suit.

Spiderling: u wouldn’t

toeknee *k: I would. And it would sing lullabies.

Spiderling: fine i’m sleeping

but only bc the threat is too powerful

toeknee *k: Sweet dreams, Tesla Coil.

Spiderling: rude

Chat: Spiderling and toeknee *k

toeknee *k: Happy will be outside to pick you up at 2.

Or do you have any of your little nerd clubs today?

Spiderling: they’re not nerd clubs

they’re academic enrichment programs

toeknee *k: That’s just “nerd clubs” but with extra syllables.

Spiderling: do i have to go w happy

toeknee *k: Yes. Why?

Spiderling: bc last time he made me listen to motivational podcasts about taxes

toeknee *k: Sounds like quality content.

Spiderling: it was a guy yelling about receipts for 40 minutes

toeknee *k: Character building.

Spiderling: i hate it here

toeknee *k: You sound grumpy. Didn’t sleep much?

Spiderling: i’m just trying to eat my sandwich in peace

toeknee *k: You texted me back in 0.3 seconds. That’s not “in peace.” 

You know you can just not reply, if this is so exhausting.

But I wouldn't if I was you.

Spiderling: ur impossible

toeknee *k: And yet somehow still your boss.

Spiderling: barely

u just want me to do inventory again

toeknee *k: No, I just want someone else to blame if something explodes.

Spiderling: comforting

toeknee *k: You’re welcome.

Spiderling: can i finish my lunch now

toeknee *k: Sure. I’ll tell Happy to play the tax podcast again as a warm-up.

Spiderling: i’m not getting in that car

toeknee *k: Then I’ll come pick you up myself.

Spiderling: …happy it is

Chat: Tones' Kid and uncle roads

Tones' Kid: hey mr rhodey

when are you visiting?

uncle roads: Hey kid. Think I’ll be there next week.

Tones' Kid: can you come now

uncle roads: Why?

Tones' Kid: …

uncle roads: Kid, are you okay?

If you’re hurt call Tones.

Tones' Kid: no not hurt

well not physically hurt

uncle roads: What happened?

Tones' Kid: mr stark is being really annoying

and happy is joining him

and it is so painful and i cant cope w it anymore

bc they think theyre being really funny but its not funny at all

so if you can come visit now then you can pick me up from school

and i dont have to deal with them

and you can tell mr stark to stop literally bullying me

uncle roads: So basically you want me to be your escape driver and your lawyer at the same time?

Tones' Kid: yes exactly

pls mr rhodey ur my only hope

uncle roads: I’ll see what I can do, kid.

Chat: toeknee *k and Spiderling

toeknee *k: So… heard you’ve been filing formal complaints to the military now.

Spiderling: WHAT

no

toeknee *k: Rhodey says I’m “bullying” you.

Apparently Happy’s my accomplice.

Spiderling: bc u ARE

both of you

you’re like a tag team

toeknee *k: That’s called mentorship, kid.

Spiderling: no mentorship is teaching

not playing motivational podcasts at me while i’m trapped in the car

toeknee *k: That’s called character development.

Spiderling: i’m developing trauma

toeknee *k: Good. Builds resilience.

Spiderling: i told mr rhodey to come get me

toeknee *k: I know. He texted me “your kid’s staging a breakout.”

Spiderling: i hate it here

toeknee *k: No you don’t.

Spiderling: i am blocking u

toeknee *k: You literally can't. 

I programmed your phone so you can't block me.

Spiderling: ofc u did

toeknee *k: Cheer up, kid. Happy said he found a new podcast about financial responsibility.

Spiderling: i’m calling mr rhodey again

toeknee *k: Tell him I said hi.

Chat: Tones' Kid and uncle roads

Spiderling: by the way this is NOT what i meant when i asked for ur help

uncle roads: What?

Tones' Kid: you told mr stark

now he is using it as fuel to somehow be MORE annoying

uncle roads: Kid, you’re the one who wrote a novel about your “suffering.” I thought he should know his crimes.

Tones' Kid: ur supposed to be on MY side

i was counting on u

uncle roads: You do know how long I have known tones right? 

Tones' Kid: i literally can’t trust ANY adults here

uncle roads: Welcome to the team.

Tones' Kid: betrayal.

uncle roads: You’ll live.

Tones' Kid: no i won’t. im drafting my resignation letter

uncle roads: Address it to Tony. He’ll frame it next to that mirror selfie.

Tones' Kid: I HATE THIS FAMILY

uncle roads: Sure you do kid.

Chapter Text

Day 1

toeknee *k: FRIDAY says you’re trying to reboot her?

Spiderling: yeah she stopped talking so i figured she froze

toeknee *k: She didn’t freeze, she muted you.

Spiderling: oh. that explains the “please stop narrating what you’re doing” message

toeknee *k: What exactly are you “fixing,” kid?

Spiderling: the targeting system’s locked up. i’m trying to reset the diagnostics

toeknee *k: And how are you doing that?

Spiderling: just turning it off and on again

toeknee *k: Peter, it’s a missile targeting system. Do not reboot it like a printer.

toeknee *k: FRIDAY says the magnetic stabilizer is offline. Explain.

Spiderling: it fell off

toeknee *k: How does a bolted component “fall off.”

Spiderling: i was cleaning it and it just kinda unbolted itself

toeknee *k: With your hands?

Spiderling: technically yes

toeknee *k: Technically?

Spiderling: i may have used magnets

toeknee *k: You used magnets. To clean a magnetic stabilizer.

toeknee *k: Do you hear yourself.

Spiderling: i hear u

i personally thought it was smart

matrix type thing

toeknee *k: I’m on my way.

Don’t move. Don’t touch anything. Don’t even blink.

Spiderling: okay but what if it smth starts blinking at me first

toeknee *k: You’re grounded.

Spiderling: you cant actually do that

you have no authority over me

technically

toeknee *k: Wanna bet?

Spiderling: no :|

Day 2

toeknee *k: Need you to do a supply run, kid.

Spiderling: okay cool where to?

toeknee *k: Home Depot.

Spiderling: …

you’re trusting me in a hardware store??

toeknee *k: Against my better judgment, yes. Don’t make me regret it.

Spiderling: no promises

toeknee *k: List’s in your inbox. Just grab what’s on it and leave.

You are not to improvise.

Spiderling: wdym improvise

toeknee *k: Buying anything that isn’t on the list.

Spiderling: oh okay easy

toeknee *k: I don’t like how fast you agreed.

Spiderling: trust me mr stark

toeknee *k: I feel like yesterday's events show exactly why I shouldn't trust you.

one hour later

Spiderling: okay so minor issue

toeknee *k: How minor?

Spiderling: like…

6 shopping carts minor

toeknee *k: …What.

Spiderling: the guy at the register said this was “an impressive haul”

toeknee *k: Peter what did you buy.

Spiderling: everything on the list!!

plus like…

some backups in case we run out

useful stuff like titanium bolts!

toeknee *k: We will never run out of titanium bolts, I ordered a metric ton last month.

Spiderling: yeah but these ones are self-sealing!! and the guy said they were “space-grade”

toeknee *k: The guy works at Home Depot, not NASA.

Spiderling: also i got us a new ladder

toeknee *k: We don’t need a ladder. We have suits that fly.

Spiderling: yeah but what if one of them breaks mid-fix?

toeknee *k: Then we use another suit.

Spiderling: or the ladder :)

toeknee *k: I’m sending Happy to pick you up before you buy the entire store.

Spiderling: he just walked in

he looks disappointed

toeknee *k: That’s his default expression when you’re involved.

Spiderling: comforting

Day 3

Spiderling: hope the mission is fun!

can i come next time?

oh minor update! the suit’s fine now

toeknee *k: You texted me an hour ago saying it was “making a weird noise.”

That's gone?

Spiderling: yeah that’s fixed!!

toeknee *k: Then why did FRIDAY just alert me about smoke in the lab?

Spiderling: that’s unrelated

toeknee *k: Is it though?

Spiderling: okay maybe slightly related

toeknee *k: Slightly?

Spiderling: like 80%

toeknee *k: What did you do, Peter.

Spiderling: i was trying to fix the power relay

toeknee *k: Did it stop shorting out?

Spiderling: yeah it stopped making the noise

toeknee *k: Because?

Spiderling: because it stopped working completely but i’m gonna fix that too

toeknee *k: Peter. Don’t increase the current.

Spiderling: ...

toeknee *k: FRIDAY just detected a power surge in the lab.

Spiderling: it’s fine it’s under control!!

toeknee *k: Then why did the sprinklers just activate.

Spiderling: precautionary measure probably

toeknee *k: I’m calling Happy.

Spiderling: no wait it’s fine i put it out!!

toeknee *k: You put it out.

What exactly was on fire?

Spiderling: the floor.

but just the small corner!

yk the one u dont like

toeknee *k: I’m muting you before you give me a stroke.

Day 4

Spiderling: mr stark

toeknee *k: Oh god what now?

I literally left you alone for five minutes to go sign something.

What could you have possibly done?

Spiderling: im stuck in the suit

toeknee *k: You're what?

Spiderling: like physically can’t move

it locked up

and also webbed me to the floor

toeknee *k: Why would it, never mind.

What were you doing before this happened?

Spiderling: i was calibrating the sensors

and it said “activating auto mode” so i thought that meant like diagnostic auto mode

not “spider prison” auto mode

toeknee *k: Did you press the button labeled “autonomous defense protocol”

Spiderling: …maybe

toeknee *k: And what did we learn about pressing things with “protocol” in the name?

Spiderling: that i should probably ask u first

toeknee *k: Correct. Gold star.

Now stay still, I’ll override it from here.

Spiderling: cant exactly move anyway

toeknee *k: FRIDAY, disengage autonomous defense.

FRIDAY: Unable to comply. Target classified as “hostile entity: unknown intent.”

Spiderling: hostile ENTITY??

ITS ME FRIDAY

toeknee *k: She knows, she just agrees with your life choices less every day.

Spiderling: betrayal

 i thought she liked me

mr stark the suit just tried to web my face

toeknee *k: On my way.

Do not move.

Spiderling: not like i can

also i think the janitor saw me

he’s pretending he didn’t

toeknee *k: I would too.

Spiderling: this is the most humiliating day of my life

toeknee *k: Give it time.

Day 5

Spiderling: mr stark i need u to fill out my internship evaluation form for school

toeknee *k: You mean the fake internship I made up so you could come to the lab without suspicion?

Spiderling: yes but the school doesn’t know that part

they just want a “summary of my week”

given its intern week

pls make it sound normal

toeknee *k: Fine. Here:

“Intern demonstrated initiative, creativity, and an alarming disregard for safety protocols.”

Spiderling: mr stark

toeknee *k: “Showed proficiency in improvisation, particularly when dealing with rogue lab substances or severely dangerous tech.”

Spiderling: i’m begging u

make it sound normal

toeknee *k: “Intern communicates frequently. Often. Constantly.”

Spiderling: i do NOT talk that much

toeknee *k: You texted me 64 times yesterday, 19 of them during a meeting.

I tried to get FRIDAY to count how many words you spoke in an hour but she gave up.

Spiderling: that’s dedication and enthusiasm

toeknee *k: “Demonstrates enthusiasm for science. Needs to demonstrate less enthusiasm for blowing things up.”

Spiderling: can i quote u on that

the science part

toeknee *k: Please don’t.

Spiderling: can u just make it sound boring??

toeknee *k: Fine. Let’s review the week’s achievements.

toeknee *k: Monday: Provided remote tech support. Suggested rebooting a live missile.

toeknee *k: Tuesday: Failed to follow simple instructions of a shopping list. Came back to the lab and argued with an incompetent robot for an hour.

Spiderling: dont call Dum-E that.

toeknee *k: Was talking about Happy.

Spiderling: LMAO

toeknee *k: Wednesday: Attempted independent suit repair. Created new category of smoke.

toeknee *k: Thursday: Became trapped in own suit. Claimed “it attacked me first.”

Spiderling: that thing LOCKED ME IN

i was the victim

toeknee *k: Victim of your own settings.

Spiderling: can u put that i showed “adaptability under pressure” instead

toeknee *k: Sure. “Adaptability under pressure (self-inflicted).”

Spiderling: rude

toeknee *k: Friday: Filed internship paperwork. Argued with supervisor for three hours.

Spiderling: not argued. collaborated aggressively.

toeknee *k: General evaluation: Highly enthusiastic. Excessively curious. Should not be left unattended for more than five minutes.

Spiderling: u make me sound like a toddler

toeknee *k: I’ve seen toddlers with better impulse control.

Spiderling: i literally can’t win

toeknee *k: Strengths: Intelligence, initiative, optimism.

toeknee *k: Weaknesses: Intelligence, initiative, optimism.

Spiderling: thats

rude.

toeknee *k: Final note: Talks too much. Doesn’t listen. Occasionally saves the world.

Spiderling: can i quote u on THAT one

toeknee *k: Knock yourself out.

Spiderling: already did on monday remember?

toeknee *k: You knock yourself out every other day kid.

I'm losing track of it.

Spiderling: and yet u keep me around

toeknee *k: Yeah, kid. Against my better judgment.

Spiderling: do u want me to send the form to pepper

bc if i submit it how it is rn

i think the authorities will be in contact

child endangerment is not a good look for a company mr stark

 toeknee *k: Yeah, probably a good idea.

Spiderling: okay

thank u for this week mr stark

 toeknee *k: You're welcome.

I will never recover from it.

I have so much new found respect for your aunt.

Spiderling: ...

rude

you had a blast

i know you did

adrenaline is good for you

 toeknee *k: I quite literally have a heart condition.

It is not good for me. I have medical records stating that.

Spiderling: damn

i forget you're lowk old

 toeknee *k: Thanks for that kid. 

You're banned from the lab and the tower for a month.

Spiderling: you'd miss me too much

 toeknee *k: I promise you, I would not.

Now finish writing the report and send it to Pepper.

Spiderling: okay :(

 toeknee *k: See you for movie night tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Chat: Spiderling, toeknee *k, auntmay, guy in the chair, grumpy

Spiderling: has anyone seen my backpack?? it has important things in it

auntmay: When did you last have it?

Spiderling: well if i knew that i would have it right now wouldnt i

sorry im stressed 

it has v important things in

toeknee *k: Okay...what important things?

Spiderling: …

toeknee *k: Do not tell me what i think was in there was in there.

Spiderling: …

toeknee *k: You left your suit in a backpack?

Spiderling: …

guy in the chair: oh god peter you are such an idiot

Spiderling: see i wouldnt be stressed but like the suit is in there

and so is my name on my books and everything

bc may makes me name everything

auntmay: Do not blame me

Spiderling: im not!

im just saying if someone finds it then they will find out who i am

and it would be a really a really uncool way to reveal my identity

toeknee *k: Sorry I’m not sure I read that right?

You are pretty much only concerned bc it's an uncool identity reveal? Not the fact that a weaponized suit is out there?

Spiderling: uh i mean obvs thats also bad

like very bad

auntmay: Peter can you retrace your steps?

Spiderling: may i cant remember where i just was

guy in the chair: ur cooked

Spiderling: I KNOW NED

auntmay: Okay Pete calm down

Spiderling: i AM calm

grumpy: Sound it kid.

Spiderling: oh dont u start

can someone please help me

its been five mins is anyone helping?

toeknee *k: no

Spiderling: oh come on mr stark

you literally have a tracker in my suit

can you please just track it

toeknee *k: Suits offline bud.

Spiderling: you dont have constant tracking on me?

im actually impressed

toeknee *k: Oh no, sorry, I have constant tracking on you just not the suit.

Spiderling: WHAT MR STARK HAVE U PUT A TRACKER IN ME

auntmay: Tony are you tracking my nephew without his permission?

toeknee *k: No.

Spiderling: CAN WE SAVE THIS FOR LATER

MY BACKPACK IS STILL MISSING

guy in the chair: have u checked delmars?

Spiderling: yes

happy did i leave it in ur car

grumpy: No.

Spiderling: how do u know

u cant check it that quickly

grumpy: I would have noticed.

Spiderling: but what if you didnt

like what if it slipped under the seat

so you couldnt see

grumpy: Its not there.

Spiderling: can you at least TRY act like you care and go look

auntmay: Peter be nice to Happy.

Spiderling: why?

toeknee *k: I think you know why...

auntmay: Tony, I dont think now is the time.

Spiderling: no may

i think now is the perfect time

what do i know that i dont know

auntmay: I'll tell you later.

Spiderling: tell me now or i WILL throw up

guy in the chair: ew

auntmay: Anyway your backpack.

Did you have it when you swung home?

Spiderling: DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT MAY

grumpy: God kid calm down.

Spiderling: i am this close to straight up starting a war if no one tells me whats happening

toeknee *k: You couldn't start a war if you tried.

guy in the chair: i think he could but it would be an accident

Spiderling: thanks ned

guy in the chair: ur welcome <3

Spiderling: MAY

auntmay: What Peter?

Spiderling: WHAT WONT U TELL ME

auntmay: Its nothing.

Spiderling: then if its nothing tell me

toeknee *k: Kid, I'm very alarmed at your lack of care about your suit being MIA.

guy in the chair: he has this thing where he focuses on unnecessary stuff when he is stressed

its funny

last time we had exams he spent weeks perfecting a perfect sandwich recipe

Spiderling: NED SHUT UP

Spiderling: also mr stark this is lowk ur fault

toeknee *k: Oh do explain

Spiderling: firstly u distracted me about this

and secondly i wanted that compact thing for the suit

so i could keep it in my pocket not a bag

toeknee *k: And I said no because you would lose it.

And looking at ur track record and the current situation we are in…

I again, as per usual, am right.

guy in the chair: ...

Spiderling: fine.

i will go find my suit.

and if i get killed in the process i hope ur all happy

toeknee *k: Not sure we will all be happy but think someone will be doing Happy.

Spiderling: WAHT

auntmay: TONY

grumpy: TONY

guy in the chair: omg

Spiderling: ...

im moving state

auntmay: Peter please.

guy in the chair: may are you rlly in a thing w happy?

auntmay: Ned, not helping.

Spiderling: no may

i am moving

im never coming home

its just gonna be me and the trees

guy in the chair: can i come?

Spiderling: no

guy in the chair: why?

Spiderling: u told mr stark abt the sandwich thing

toeknee *k: Kid calm down.

Spiderling: CALM DOWN

CALM DOWN

DO YK HOW TERRIBLE THIS IS

grumpy: Thanks Peter.

Spiderling: oh please dont start mr happy

toeknee *k: I love how even angry and in emotional distress he feels the need to address us as mr.

Spiderling: my politeness knows no bounds

guy in the chair: pete

Spiderling: what

guy in the chair: suit?

Spiderling: oh shit yeah

mr stark can i borrow a suit so i can find my suit?

toeknee *k: No.

Spiderling: why

toeknee *k: bc last time i allowed you near one of my suits you blew it up

auntmay: Peter dont go near his suits.

Spiderling: FINE

i will go on my own

all alone in the night

in the middle of new york

a vulnerable child all alone

grumpy: Okay

Spiderling: you quite literally are the worst sometimes mr happy

yk that?

auntmay: Peter be nice!

Spiderling: I AM BEING NICE

toeknee *k: This is the kid who's 'politeness knows no bounds'.

Spiderling: shut up and help me find my suit ur the only useful one here

toeknee *k: I'm flattered.

Spiderling: dont be

toeknee *k: God ur in a strop now arent you?

Are you pouting?

Spiderling: no

guy in the chair: he totally is

Spiderling: this is the worst day of my life

toeknee *k: Kid you say that everyday.

Spiderling: yeah my life is getting exponentially worse everyday

guy in the chair: ur so dramatic

Spiderling: whatever

mr stark please can you help me find my suit

and then get me a therapist to talk through whatever is going on between happy and may

auntmay: Finally peter I have been suggesting therapy for years

Spiderling: thanks may

really needed EVERYONE here to know that

toeknee *k: We knew.

guy in the chair: we knew

grumpy: We knew

Spiderling: great

thanks guys im going to find my backpack now

i hope i get stabbed

Spiderling leaves chat

5 minutes later

auntmay: He found the bag

toeknee *k: Do I even want to ask where?

auntmay: Next to the front door.

He walked past it about 10 times.

toeknee *k: And the kid is meant to be a genius...

Chapter Text

Chat: toeknee *k and Spiderling

Spiderling: id like you to know im having the worst day of my life mr stark

toeknee *k: Again?

Spiderling: yes again

im existentially having the worst day of my life

toeknee *k: Not how you use that word, but proceed.

Why are you having the worst day of your life?

Did you trip on your laces again?

Did Ted steal your Star Wars DVDs?

Did May cook?

Spiderling: …

ur very unnecessary sometimes

toeknee *k: Unnecessary is my middle name.

Spiderling: thought it was edward

omg mr stark yk ned is called edward ur basically twins

toeknee *k: Peter, why are you having a bad day?

Spiderling: oh yeah my laptop broke

well it didnt break its just not working

and its so slow

and  it deleted my unsaved assignments

toeknee *k: *sends card details*

Spiderling: whats that?

toeknee *k: My card details, buy a new laptop.

Spiderling: YOU CANT JUST TEXT ME UR CARD DETAILS SOMEONE CAN HACK THIS

toeknee *k: Relax, kid. It’s a temporary card, just put like 20k in there buy a new laptop with it.

Spiderling: mr stark…

20k for a laptop?

toeknee *k: Oh sorry, is that not enough?

How much do you need?

Spiderling: tf mr stark

no its too much

like way too much

toeknee *k: Fine. Just buy whatever, then.

Spiderling: i forget how rich you are sometimes

toeknee *k: I don’t.

Spiderling: anyway i cant just buy a new one bc the school gave me this one its like government funded or smth but its so broken n its ruining my life

toeknee *k: You literally help me build Iron Man suits. Fix it.

Spiderling: mr stark its SO old

like ancient

i know how this stuff works

but im gonna have to go dumpster diving again to find replacements for it

nowhere stocks it

toeknee *k: Kid just tell the school that you broke it.

Spiderling: …

i cant

toeknee *k: Why?

Spiderling: i might have dropped my bag which it was in when i was on patrol

and i also have webs stuck in it where i tried to fix it

and also i may have uploaded karen to it

so if they look at it im royally screwed

toeknee *k: I seriously worry about your IQ.

Spiderling: its 250

i took a test w ned

toeknee *k: Okay then I seriously worry about your common sense.

Spiderling: i have great common sense!

toeknee *k: Peter, you don’t have an ounce of common sense.

Spiderling: i do

toeknee *k: You do not.

At all.

Spiderling: well neither do you

i saw you put a knife in a toaster the other day

thats stupid

toeknee *k: Did you just call me stupid?

Spiderling: no…

toeknee *k: I’ve been called a lot of things, kid, and some of them are understandable. Stupid isn’t one of them.

Spiderling: pepper called you stupid the other day

toeknee *k: She calls me stupid every chance she gets.

And anyway, she was referring to my emotional intelligence, not my general intelligence.

Spiderling: ur fine admitting ur emotionally stupid?

toeknee *k: I’m not delusional, kid.

The word stupid doesn’t suit me, but emotionally inept is fine.

Spiderling: inept?

inept??

youd rather be called inept than stupid

toeknee *k: I’d rather be called a genius. Which I am.

Spiderling: so am i technically

toeknee *k: Yeah sure, a genius who uploaded a hyper-sensitive AI to a government-controlled laptop.

Spiderling: well it takes a genius to do that

do u know how outdated this tech is

toeknee *k: A stupid genius.

Spiderling: mr stark can you just help me pls

toeknee *k: Oh, you want help? Why didn’t you ask?

Spiderling: why do u think i was messaging you

toeknee *k: To vent and talk to your favorite mentor.

Spiderling: i hate when u call urself my mentor

toeknee *k: Why.

Spiderling: bit much

toeknee *k: What do you want me to call myself then.

Spiderling: idk too complicated to think about

can u just help me fix this stupid laptop

toeknee *k: Sure. Bring it round. We have no food here, so if you require feeding, get something on the way.

Spiderling: u say require feeding like im some zoo animal

toeknee *k: Kid, you’re literally a human-animal hybrid and you get cranky if you haven’t eaten.

Spiderling: i dont get cranky

toeknee *k: You do, and then you say I’m hungry, and if I don’t feed you within five minutes, you get all pouty. It’s exhausting.

Spiderling: excuse me

i have a fast metabolism

i need constant food

toeknee *k: I know you do. Hence why we have no food left, you’ve eaten everything in this place.

Spiderling: sorry

do u want me to send u some money for groceries?

toeknee *k: Kid, I just sent you 20k to buy a laptop. I don’t need your money.

Spiderling: okay can we get takeout

toeknee *k: No.

Spiderling: why

toeknee *k: Pepper said no.

Spiderling: why

toeknee *k: Because.

Spiderling: why

toeknee *k: No literally “because.” I also said why and she just said because. I didn't want to argue about it.

Spiderling: :(

can u bring ur lab here

may will let us get takeout

toeknee *k: Oh sure, let me just uproot my multimillion-dollar lab because the Spiderkid is hungry.

Spiderling: thanks!

toeknee *k: No.

Now get your ass over here and get some food on the way.

Spiderling: if i get takeout but i deliver it then does it count as takeout or not

toeknee *k: …

Genius.

Spiderling: see i told you so

toeknee *k: Never doubted you, kid.

Spiderling: see you in like 20 mins!

toeknee *k: Kid, Pepper says if you’re coming over you have to use the side door because she’s had enough chaos for one week.

Spiderling: what chaos

toeknee *k: You, mostly.

Spiderling: tell her ill be quiet

toeknee *k: She said that last time you said that you crawled across the ceiling and scared the UPS guy.

Spiderling: okay but in my defense he looked suspicious

toeknee *k: He was delivering my order.

Spiderling: okay but how was i supposed to know that

toeknee *k: Because he was wearing a giant shirt that said UPS on it.

Spiderling: logos can be forged

toeknee *k: Never mind, just get here before I change my mind.

Spiderling: im literally nearly there

ur so impatient

toeknee *k: Oh and you do need to hide the food.

Spiderling: im in the suit

how tf am i meant to hide it when im in spandex

toeknee *k: Do you not have your backpack with the laptop in it?

Spiderling: oh yeah

toeknee *k: Genius.

Chat: toeknee *k, salt and Spiderling

Salt: Tony.

Salt: Why are there takeout boxes in the trash?

toeknee *k: Are you going through our trash now? Totalitarian.

Salt: It was at the top of the pile, Tony. You didn’t even try to hide it.

toeknee *k: Must’ve been Happy.

Salt: Happy hasn’t been here today.

Spiderling: maybe it was a bird

Salt: A bird?

Spiderling: yeah like came through the window carrying it

and left it everywhere

Salt: And this bird also opened the trash can and cleaned up after itself?

Spiderling: ...

like a really polite bird

Salt: So the two of you didn’t order takeout, even though I said no takeout for a week?

Spiderling: absolutely not

toeknee *k: No, ma’am.

Salt: FRIDAY says one of our cards was used at The Golden Dragon at 8:24 PM.

Spiderling: maybe you got hacked mr stark keeps sending his card details to me

Salt: Tony, what?

toeknee *k: The kid needed a new laptop.

Salt: We’re talking about that later.

Back to the takeout.

Spiderling: ms potts?

Salt: Peter.

Spiderling: hypothetically

if someone orders takeout and then picks it up

and delivers it themselves

is it still takeout?

Salt: Yes, Peter. You took it out of the restaurant. It’s takeout, it's in the name.

toeknee *k: Not like glorified leftovers though?

Salt: No, Tony. Not glorified leftovers.

toeknee *k: Semantics.

Salt: You two are literally in the lab eating noodles over a multi-million dollar suit right now, aren’t you?

Spiderling: no

toeknee *k: No suit work happening today.

Spiderling: we’re fixing my laptop

toeknee *k: Was going great until the kid dropped broth on the processor. Now we’re literally building a new laptop.

Salt: Can you not just buy him one?

toeknee *k: Apparently not. I have to fix an archaic laptop because he is mentally challenged and decided to break it.

Spiderling: i told u it was broken

toeknee *k: Kid, it was basically fine. Then you got excited and spilled broth all over it.

Spiderling: hardly my fault

toeknee *k: Whose fault would it be, exactly?

Spiderling: you told me suit modifications while i was holding hot liquid

and you know when i get excited my hands lose control

Salt: Stop talking. Just stop. Both of you.

toeknee *k: Love you.

Salt: No, you don’t.

Spiderling: i do ms potts :)

Salt: You’re sweet, Peter, but you’re still guilty by association.

Spiderling: fair

toeknee *k: Miss Potts, we would like to formally apologise for our actions and any distress caused by the consumption of takeout.

spiderling: we acknowledge our mistakes and promise to reflect deeply

salt: You’re copying from a template, aren’t you.

toeknee *k: It’s the Stark Industries HR apology draft.

salt: I can't with you two. Clear the kitchen up, sort the temporary card thing out and send the kid home.

spiderling: uh ms potts

my laptop isn't finished

and i have a history essay due tmw

and i need to not go home bc i need my laptop

salt: Use one of Tony's laptops, print it out.

spiderling: they will ask about my laptop

and flash will lowk bully me if i print an essay off

toeknee *k: I'll kill that kid.

salt: No you won't. 

Okay you can fix the laptop then, but let Tony fix it, and you write your essay on Tony’s laptop and send it to yourself Peter.

spiderling: okay

can i stay the night?

may's on nights

salt: Of course, Peter. You don't have to ask.

spiderling: thank you ms potts ur the best

salt: No worries at all, you are always welcome here.

toeknee *k: You're the best Pep.

salt: Shut up.

spiderling: :)