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There was a time in my life where I couldn't possibly imagine being in a relationship.
When I simply couldn't imagine someone being interested in me in that way.
I just didn't feel like the right person for that sort of thing.
It was a surprise when you first entered my life and shook it up like a storm.
Showing me who were my real friends and who were there to control me. Showing me what kind of person I really am.
Showing me what real love can be like - not only happy and blissful, but turbulent and hurtful too.
And yet you were worth any hurt I had to endure.
It ended up falling apart. We both saw it coming, so the moment itself didn't hurt much. Only the lead up to it.
You left my life for some time. But you refused to leave my heart.
I was obsessed with you.
I didn't know it at first. It started off small, unnoticable.
It turned me away at first. I couldn't enjoy the things that we used to enjoy together anymore. It made me think of you too much.
With time, it grew and grew. Taking over my mind.
I found that even with any pain I experienced from being with you, it hurt far more to be without you.
I realised that I still loved you, and that I couldn't stop.
I tried to suppress it.
Don't think about her. Don't care about her.
She's not part of your life anymore.
That didn't work out.
I tried to look for what I saw in you in other people.
Friends or potential partners, it didn't matter
None could replace you.
I realised that caring for you is what made me happiest.
If there's anything I could do to contribute to your life being enjoyable for you, it would make me happy.
No matter if I could be part of said life.
Not in my wildest dreams did I believe that I could be part of your life again.
I thought you hated me.
I thought you'd hate me even more if you knew.
You can imagine my disbelief when you decided to get close with me again.
I was afraid to hope again.
No way it could get serious.
You can imagine my shock when you decided to make it serious again.
I was partially afraid of it.
My life was far too unstable for it not to get in the way.
But I could never say no to what was my dream for so many years.
Being with you again gave me so much strength.
It helped me get over loss.
It helped me believe in myself again.
It still does.
I used to be so lonely before I started spending time with you again.
Now it's so rare for me to feel that way.
I used to have no goal, no purpose to my life.
None that I believed to be possible to achieve, anyway.
Now reaching you has become the meaning to my life.
There's a long road ahead if I want to reach you.
So many barriers to overcome.
So many sacrifices I'm ready to make.
You often doubt it's possible.
You often doubt it's worth it.
But you don't see it the way I do.
You don't see how little I have in my life if I don't work to reach you.
You don't see how pointless any achievement feels when it's not a stepping stone towards you.
You don't believe you're worth any of it.
But I wouldn't be doing any of it if you weren't worth it.
You often ask me what it is exactly about you that makes me love you.
What makes me so determined to stay with you rather than cut my losses and find someone "better".
As if you know my heart and its needs better than I do, when I myself follow it more often than tell it where to go.
It's not as simple as any specific thing.
It's not as simple as any amount of specific things.
It's all the little things and peculiarities about you in their intertwined combination that makes you who you are.
It's even your faults that you doubt you could ever overcome and you feel should turn me away.
They don't. They make me want to help you become the version of yourself you want to be.
And it's more than even that.
I'm ready to do the impossible so I can reach you.
And I won't let the distance between us be the end of us.
Nor will I let your demons be the end of us.
I won't ever give up on you or let go of you.
My love for you runs too deep for me to do that.
And that's what I believe makes it true.
This is my promise to you.
In this universe and any other, we shall be together.