Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Hello. . .?"

". . . . . ."

". . .Hello?"

". . .hello."

". . .hi?"

". . .ah I- hello, hello! I mean. Hello! Good morning! Or night or afternoon or- oh I wasn't- oh goodness I wasn't expecting anyone to pick up-"

"I'm- I'm sorry but, I'm not sure you're calling the right number-"

"Oh, but you answered didn't you?"

"Well yes, but. . ."

". . .but?"

"But I was, well I'm in the attic, I was sorting through things. And the phone just started ringing. . .despite not having any cables going anywhere. . .I guess it's magic. . .this is weird. . .oh uh, sorry, my point is!  Well, unless you're trying to talk to talk to the ghosts here, I think you have the wrong number. Ramshackle's pretty empty, except for me and. . .Grim. . .and the ghosts."

"So this line does still connect to Ramshackle!"

"Y-yeah but-"

"Then I am calling the right number! It's a pleasure to meet you! Or rather, to speak with you. It's wonderful to hear you again, Yuu."

". . .how do you know my name?"

". . .what month is it?"

". . .September?"

"Oh that's-! Oh. This is a bit early. . . ah yes, you asked-? It's- it's magic, how I know your name."

"Oh. . .Okay. I'm sorry, I'm not a magician. Or the phone might be broken. I'm not sure where to look for your name on this-"

"Don't fret about it, you can call me whatever you like! "

". . .okay. . .?. . . nothing comes to mind right now though. .  .sorry um, why did you call?"

"Dearie me, I do apologize, this must be rather strange for you. Well, some centuries ago, I heard about the invention of this newfangled thing called a telephone, and me and some others, we- ! Hmm that's a bit of a long story. Well, we found we could use them, and found them quite handy. And I'm quite fond of Ramshackle, see I-  I have friends there. Had friends there. We used to talk now and then. They must have moved since. It has been quite a while since anyone picked up, but habits stick. . .for you to answer when I called on a whim, why, it must be fate!"

". . ."

". . .are you alright? Was I speaking too quick?"

"No I. . .I just really don't know what to say to that. . .are you going to keep calling?"

"Yes! I'm. . .a bit too busy, right now, to visit Ramshackle, but I'd love to chat now and then! . . .if, if that's alright with you?"

". . .sure?"

"Truly? How splendid! Might I call you at this same hour tomorrow?"

". . .to be honest, it's like, almost midnight. I was sort of poking around for spare bedding and-"

"Oh my! I'm sorry to keep you up! I really should get my bearings about the living."

". . .you're dead?"

". . . . . .yes. . .yes, I am. Does that frighten you?"

". . . I mean, I live with some ghosts right now. So I guess not as much as I would be, back in my. . . back where I'm from. . .hey, could I ask you something?"

"Why, of course!"

"Do you know about ███████████ ?"

". . .is that the name of a town?"

"It's. . .no, it's a country."

"A country? How peculiar. I've travelled all over and I've never heard of it."

". . .oh."

"But there might be corners of Twisted Wonderland I've missed! Or that have changed names over the years. I can certainly ask around! So, when would it be convenient for me to call back?"

". . .t . . .t. . .f. . .x . . .t. . . .tw . . . .t. . .t. . y. . . .in twenty hours? I think I should be back in Ramshackle by then."

"Then it's set! I'll call you in twenty hours or so!"

". . .okay?"

". . .okay!. . .well then, good night! Sleep well, Yuu!"

". . . goodnight?"

Click.

Chapter Text

". . .how many rings has that been, now? I hope I didn't frighten them off. . . perhaps I shouldn't have-"

Click

"Hello?"

". . .h-hello! I- good evening, Yuu!"

". . .hi. I'm sorry it took so long for me to pick up. Some stuff happened and it's just- I was busy. Sorry, it's been a really long day for me. . ."

". . .I hope I'm not overreaching but, would you like to talk about it?"

". . . . . .my friend. . .got in trouble, and I tried to help. But what we ended up doing only- it only made things worse. And now, two of my friends are in trouble, and I. . .s-sorry um, sorry I-"

"Are you in danger?"

". . .I don't- I don't know. I don't think so? I'm not a mage so there isn't. . .much he can do to me I think, but Riddle, he. . ."

"Riddle. Riddle Rosehearts?"

"Yes. . .?"

". . .Mister Rosehearts, from what I know of him, isn't the sort to harm someone unprompted."

"Maybe not, but he seemed pretty mad earlier. He collared my friends. They can't use magic now, and all they did was make the wrong tart."

"Ah. Yes. He is quite partial to tradition, though the same could be said of. . . ah, are Sebek and Epel alright?"

". . .who?"

". . . . . .Sebek Zigvolt? Epel Felmier?"

". . .I'm sorry, I don't know those names."

"Truly? But aren't you-?. . .did your schooling start in August?"

"Classes started just this week?"

"Oh. Oh, they shifted the calendar. That's. . .ah, please forgive this muddled mind. I must be recalling other companions. Are your friends alright? "

". . .yeah?"

"Good. That's good. . . I do believe that Rosehearts is the housewarden of Heartslabyul. Am I right to assume your friends hail from that dormitory as well?"

". . . . . ."

". . . . . . . . .Yuu?"

". . . . . ."

"Oh dear, did the line cut off?"

". . .no, I can hear you I. . . . . .I'm sorry, but I don't think I should talk to you anymore-"

"I beg your pardon? "

"You're- you're asking all these things and- and I don't know you! I shouldn't have mentioned Riddle at all, it's not my place, I shouldn't be sharing this stuff to a stranger-"

"I-!. . . .I'm sorry if I've been too forward. It's just been such a long time since. . .since I've spoken to a friend in Ramshackle. And you remind me, of someone. I didn't mean to alarm you, or to pry, truly I- I just want to help, however I can. I'm an alumnus of Night Raven College, so thought perhaps my experience might be of use to you now. . .I apologize for not sensing your unease sooner. If it isn't too much to ask, may I know what would make you comfortable speaking to me?"

". . .can you tell me your name? It's not very fair, that you know mine."

". . . . . .I suppose you can call me J."

"Jay?"

"Yes, like the letter. . . now that I think about it, is your name also simply an initial? I'm a bit ashamed to say it, but all this time, I just assumed it wasn't."

"N-no I-" Was that their laugh? "No Yuu is my name."

"I see. Or, I hear rather- I think it's a lovely one! Quite unique!. . .truthfully, J is but the start of one of my names. I promise I'll tell you entire thing one day. I just. . .can't, right now. . .I don't know your name beyond Yuu either, if that's of any comfort. "

". . .I guess I'll take your word for it, J."

". . .you won't end the call, then?"

"Well, you said you wanted to help. I don't think I can really turn that down, right now."

"Oh my. I hope things aren't too terrible on your end. Now, from what it sounds like, your friends must share a dormitory under Mister Rosehearts to be subject to his discipline. Heartslabyul's leaders vary in severity- what precisely, is your companions' punishment?"

". . .they both have Riddle's magic collaring them, so they can't use magic until Riddle says they can. One of them can't go back. I don't know if the other one is allowed to. I don't think either of them want to right now, so they're staying at Ramshackle."

". . .it seems Riddle is a much stricter chap than I thought. . .do your friends plan on returning to Heartslabyul?"

"No. I don't think anyone wants to be at Heartslabyul right now, honestly."

"Well, if their housewarden's so unreasonable, perhaps an uprising is in order?"

"A what?"

"An uprising! A rebellion! The authority of Heartslabyul's housewarden stems from his skill and power. Riddle must be quite talented, but even he should falter after scores of battles! . . .I suppose that might take a while to arrange though, what with all the mirrors-"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You see, the beginning of such duels are signaled by the shattering of a mirror-"

"No I- not that. A rebellion? All the Heartslabyul seem afraid of him, even the older ones! And I- I don't think my friends are popular enough to start something like that!"

"It's not a mere matter of popularity, my dear. A regent unfit to rule simply shouldn't reign. If no action is made, and sentiments worsen, one way or another, the crown will rest upon another's head."

"That. . .that sounds like a bit much."

". . .something smaller-scale then? No shame in that- I suppose it isn't really your problem, as it isn't your dormitory. Though, I do wonder what you fear from Mister Rosehearts."

". . .he's just scary."

"Truly?"

"Not like, in a scary-looking way he just has this really, really intimidating aura to him. I couldn't focus on anything at the tea party earlier. Everyone was so worried and the pressure. . .it felt like I was suffocating. . ."

". . .did he collar you too?"

"N-no but-"

"Are you afraid that he will?"

". . . . . .yeah. . . it's dumb, isn't it? I don't even have any magic. It doesn't even look like it hurts. . ."

". . .now that won't do at all. A mage frightening a lovely soul such as yourself at an occasion as bright as a tea party- what terrible form! Especially so, since you haven't any magic! May I ask if the telephone's still in the attic?"

"No, I moved it to the second floor."

"How prudent of you! Well, sorry for the trouble, but I'd like you to go to the first floor with it- oh but, first, is Rosehearts still a. . .a somewhat diminutive sort of fellow? "

". . .are you asking if he's short?"

". . . . . . . . .yes, but I didn't want to be rude."

Another laugh. "He's shorter than me. And. Most of his dorm, I think? He had heels on."

"Excellent! Then, do proceed to the first floor. Please be careful and watch where you're going. Focus on your steps and not the phone. I'll be right here on the line."

"We could just, keep talking? The stairs are pretty stable, and it's kind of eerie in here, when it's quiet. . ."

"As long as you're careful. What a shame we can't trade places! It must be delightfully frightening over there right now."

". . .because you're a ghost?"

"I've actually always been fond of such chilling scenery. It makes the heart race like nothing else, no?"

". . . . . .I guess?"

". . .you don't have to force yourself."

"I'm not! I just- I think it's more of a get-under-your-skin kind of horror than the jumpscare kind. Not really heart-racing just. . .there. And creepy."

"Oh that's a terrific kind of terror too! I find the subtler, lingering sort of scare superior in some regards."

". . .I'm on the ground floor. I hope you're not trying to scare me with something down here."

"I won't! Though I can't guarantee all will be well. You've no fear of bugs or spiders, I hope?"

"No?"

"Then you should be fine. Alright! So starting from the main entrance to Ramshackle, I'd like you to head down the first corridor you find on the left, then right at the end of that hall, then enter the third door on the left."

"Okay. Please give me a moment, the floor here's kind of. Bad. . . . . . . . .left. . . . . . . . . . . . . . right. . . . one. . .two. . .and left. Do I just go in?"

"Please do."

". . .what am I looking for?"

"You should find, on the right side of the room, a table. And upon that table, there is a figurine of a geriatric cat with a jeweled, plumed cap, all carved from stone."

". . .yes?"

"Twist its head clockwise as if to decapitate it."

". . .sure, I guess. Wait, let me put the phone down. . . Clockwise? To decapitate?"

"Yes. You must do it with conviction!"

"I-I'll try. . .oh, its tail moved up."

"Pull it to the left."

"Pulling it to the- what was that?"

"Oh you must see it now, don't you? The wall sliding open? Behold, the not-so-secret laboratory of the late, great Dr. Wayna!"

"A-am I allowed to be in here?!"

"Don't worry about it! Dr. Wayna was a good friend of mine! He loved having lab assistants about, even those with nothing but enthusiasm!"

". . .okay. What exactly do you want me to do?"

"My dear, if you are up to the task, I shall guide you through the process of making a most troublesome, yet harmless type of tar that when thrown, affixes itself quite strongly to one's person! If you are in danger, simply cast a marble of it upon the offender, and run! A shot or two should suffice with Rosehearts, if you intend to stick him to the ground. Oh the little ones did love having trouble with it in my day, Sil and I- ah but, that's a story for another time. For now, and for your purposes, we shall concoct a batch stronger and stiffer than the usual for tricks, to help you escape should the need arise! That laboratory should have everything you need-"

"I hope I'm not being rude, but you have done this before right? Because I haven't, and I feel like messing up will end really, really badly. Will using expired ingredients make things blow up?"

"Tell me Yuu, what does that lab look like?"

". . . everything is labelled? And it's. . . surprisingly clean. . .?"

"Wayne was an expert at stasis spells. He enchanted that place quite thoroughly in preparation for his time as a teacher! Even the ingredients should still be fresh. He was quite proud of it- said his magic would even outlive him. He should be glad to hear he was right."

". . .guess you really do know Ramshackle, huh?"

"I think it's only natural to. A shame I can't say the same of the rest of Twisted Wonderland. I regret to inform you that I haven't found a soul who knows of ███████████ . The search is still going though!"

"Thanks for trying, J."

". . .don't thank me yet, I haven't done much at all! The search isn't done, and neither is your tar! Now don the gloves and goggles that should be in the drawer of the counter, and search for the bottle of blackwings from the insect row on the shelf!"