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To say that Gerard wanted his night to go to shit would be a lie. He never did because it was the only damn time he could go outside without possibly getting burned. Frankly, Gerard had just wanted to spend some time with his boyfriend out in the woods, star-gazing before going back to their house while Ray got ready for rehearsal, and they both pretended that they weren’t tired, but that it was worth it.
They hadn't meant to run into whatever the fuck they did, and scare the shit out of whatever it was because now Gerard was waking up on the forest floor, blinking heavily and trying to force himself to wake up quicker. Shit, they needed to start paying more attention to what was out here. He could see dim light and that meant it was almost morning and he needed to get out of here before he burned. Groaning, he rolled himself over, blinking, trying to look for Ray, trying to find him wherever he went.
“Ray?” Gerard managed to say, fumbling with his words. That didn't sound right. Why did his voice sound like that? Sitting up, Gerard kept looking around in the very dim light. Normally his vague semblance of night vision did not look like this. He could see way too much. “Ray, Baby, Where-?”
His voice sounded so odd, yet so familiar as if he was used to hearing it from someone else.
Gripping a tree, Gerard hauled himself up so he could get a better look at everything in the underbrush. Ray was still nowhere to be seen, but he was sure that he was around here somewhere. Gerard needed his jacket because there was a good chance they weren't going to get out of here before sunrise, and he at least needed something to cover his face so he wouldn't get the world's most painful burns on his face or worse die if he spent too long in the sun. He'd never been more thankful that he was paranoid and always left the house in long sleeves and jeans.
Stumbling, Gerard finally saw someone, well, rather he heard someone moving around on the ground. Gerard blinked a few times and finally managed to get near Ray, who was slowly sitting up. He watched Rays hand go to his face, which was honestly much too small and pale to be his own, and when Ray looked up at him, Gerard was staring at his own face. Or at least what he imagined to be his face. Ray had tried to photograph him a number of times since he got turned back in 2006 despite Gerard telling him that it would never work, but there had been a singular time that he'd been successful, and Gerard had hung that photo on their fridge, but that had been a while ago.
Yet, Gerard was staring down at himself, brown, almost black hair, pale skin, blue jeans, and an old black hoodie he never left the house with.
“Ray?” Gerard asked.
“Yeah?” Ray asked back, looking down and staring at his hands, and then back up at Gerard. “Gerard?”
“Yeah, I, uh,” Gerard looked down at his hands, and realized that they were definitely his boyfriends hands, “I don't know what the fuck happened but we have to get home right now.”
Gerard helped Ray stand up, and logically he knew that it was Ray next to him, but all of a sudden it was extremely obvious that he was at least three inches taller than him right now, and it freaked him out.
“Hold on.” Gerard murmured, pulling off Ray's jacket, and putting it over Ray's head, well, Gerard's because his skin was going to burn up if he didn't. They’d swapped bodies somehow.
Ray held it over himself most of the walk back to wherever they had parked, but Gerard had to stop them again and make Ray roll the fabric into his palm rather than having his thumb out. He kept glancing at the sky, watching as it shifted from gray and they got out of the woods into the field, and then as it turned pink, and orange as they entered the parking lot. Gerard moved and stood next to the passenger seat while Ray walked around to the drivers side before they both realized that wasn’t going to work.
“Shit.” Gerard said, muttering. “Hold on, we have to switch.”
“That’s right, sorry, this is really weird.” Ray admitted, moving around to the other side, “Keys are in your left pocket.”
“Okay.” Gerard murmured.
Gerard tapped his left leg, checking that the keys were there, walking around to the other side of the car. The hair tickling the back of his neck was freaking him out a little, just because he wasn’t used to it, but there wasn’t much that he could do about it right now. When they got back to the apartment, they could call Mikey and tell him something happened. He had to have some sort of spell that could help them switch back. Or maybe this was some horrific dream that Gerard was having. It felt real though.
Gerard unlocked the car, and slid into the drivers seat, exhaling, and glancing to his right to see that he hadn’t unlocked the other door, and hit the button to unlock it. The click echoed through the car, and Gerard held the keys in his hand. Shit, it had been a hot minute since he drove anywhere. He’d driven only at night for almost two years now, and the morning light was freaking him out even if the sun wasn’t technically over the horizon yet.
A cold hand touched his own and he jumped, unintentionally recoiling. Holy fuck, he wasn’t used to being warm. Normally Ray would keep him warm, and Gerard could feel his heart beat jump up as he looked at Ray for a moment.
“Sorry, fuck. This is really fucking weird.” Gerard managed to say, pulling the car door shut since he didn’t do that. “Hold on.”
Gerard reached into the backseat, and grabbed the blanket that he usually had in the back of the car, and gave it to Ray, who was looking straight at him, brow furrowed. Shit, was it weird to see his face staring back at him.
“You can smell it.” Ray exhaled, blinking.
“The blood?” Gerard asked, trying to figure out which of his issues Ray was smelling.
“When people's heart rates jump. You smell it, you’re not hearing it.” Ray said, looking at him.
Gerard ran his tongue over his teeth, before answering, “Yeah. It’s just- hard to explain? I don’t normally notice it, I just, I just like the way you smell anyway so it doesn’t matter to me.”
Rays mouth quirked up in a smile and he hid his face in his jacket, red eyes hidden from him. Red eyes. Gerard did not normally have red eyes, and he remembered the rest of the plan for the night which was supposed to be coming home and Gerard drinking some blood either from the stash in the fridge or Ray depending on how the other was feeling.
“Okay, we have to go home because I’m- You’re definitely hungry. Holy shit. Ray, I don’t know if I can drive home without freaking out.” Gerard exhaled.
Rays hand found his again, and this time he was prepared for the cold as Ray squeezed his hand and murmured, “It’s alright. You can do this. I promise we’ll be alright. It’s probably just one day, and Mikey can get us back to normal.”
“Maybe.” Gerard murmured, locking the car doors, and trying not to fight the urge to rip the hair touching his neck off. It was just so weird. “You put hair ties in the middle right?”
Gerard started to open the little compartment between the seats while Ray reached in, and grabbed one, pulling it out and handing it to him. Closing the compartment, he murmured a thanks to Ray and reached up, pulling his hair back, the curls odd underneath his touch when he could also feel it pulling at his scalp.
With his hair up, Gerard put the key in the ignition and a hand on the wheel, not turning on the car just yet, just exhaling for a moment.
“The mirror might reflect the sun, just so you know.” Gerard said, forcing out a deep breath. Holy shit, he was breathing. He hadn’t had to breathe in so fucking long.
“Shit. I hadn’t thought about that.” Ray murmured, curling up more in his seat like it would help.
“Yeah, just… don’t let any of your skin see the sun, alright?” Gerard said, pressing down on the brake, but still not turning the ignition.
“I know. I saw your umbrellas when we did Pro Rev.” Ray said, voice half-muffled.
Gerard felt a grin crack, and he exhaled a little laugh at the memories of getting so, so many burns on his hands despite Mikeys bits of magic and the umbrellas because he would just be stupid that people genuinely got concerned for him, despite the fact that with some ice, the burns would heal within a few hours of staying out of the sun. Exhaling again, He focused on the fact that he could breathe and the fact that he could force himself to be calm.
Turning the ignition, the car sputtered to life, and Ray spoke, “You should put on sunglasses. Sun’s bright in the morning.”
Gerard nodded, reaching up and grabbing the sunglasses that Ray had stored for himself, and slipping them on. Then, he put the car in reverse, and backed out of the parking spot, and turned it around to head back to their house.
The drive was quiet, with Gerard’s hands gripping the steering wheel as the pinks and oranges gradually changed to oranges and yellows. Then in the distance, he saw a sliver of the sun appear over the horizon. Gerard really shouldn’t be looking at it, even with sunglasses on because he was only going to fuck up Rays eyes, but the sun continued to rise, peaking over the horizon as he drove down the small two lane highway as they rattled back towards civilization.
The sun was pretty, and the feeling of it on his skin almost made him want to close his eyes, but that would be bad while he was driving. It was warm, and not in the painful way that he’d grown used to, just warm, and honestly it felt like one of the hugs from Ray whenever he could give Gerard one.
Gerard had missed the sun.
He forced himself to keep his eyes open, and look around the sun at the clouds and at the road ahead of him. Gerard could not crash into anyone, especially since the longer he drove, the more people got onto the road both because it was getting closer to the morning rush hour, and they were getting closer to the city.
When was the last time he’d seen the sunrise? He’d been turned near the beginning of the Black Parade tour, and they almost never saw the sunrise when on tour. Sunset, sure, but it had been so long since he’d seen the sunrise. Maybe it was the last time there was a full moon before he got turned. The full moons that happened before Gerard had to help Ray inside frantically before he got himself burned. The full moons when they could take their time because Ray liked the feeling of the sun on his skin after turning human again.
“Ray, baby, how are you doing?” Gerard asked, glancing over at the passenger seat at the bundle of cloth.
“To be honest, I was expecting to get really warm under here, and I’m just… fine. Like, I can feel that I’m supposed to be cold, but I’m just not feeling it. I’m warm-ish though, and it’s nice.” Ray answered, voice muffled. “Keep absentmindedly wanting to kiss your hand through the blanket and then just… remembering.”
“Do not get burned.” Gerard warned. “I promise that it’s a very weird feeling.”
“Oh, I figured. I just… I was thinking and I hope that Mikey can fix this because the full moon’s in two days- No, fuck it’s tomorrow. It's definitely going to start hitting you tonight, which isn’t the part I’m worried about, but you’re not used to any of it, and I don’t- I know I always say it hurts, but I’ve gotten used to it, and I just- I don’t want you to feel it.” Ray rambled.
“It’s alright, Ray. I’m sure that Mikey will be able to help, and if not y’know we call up Brian and say hey y’know how you manage a band with a vampire, a werewolf, and a wizard, well, shit got weirder, and we need another wizard to fix it, please help us.” Gerard said, feeling a piece of hair slip out of his hair tie and rest next to his ear as he turned onto their exit.
“Oh god, if Mikey can’t fix it, I think Brian might actually quit on us.” Ray groaned.
“I mean, I’m sure there's a way to discreetly find wizards. Y’know just go to some random chat room and be all, hey my band is fucking stupid, please help.” Gerard rambled, pulling to a stop at a redlight, giggling as he thought of something stupid. “Or, Oh another option- No, Mikey might kill me.”
“Oh what?” Ray asked, a grin in his voice.
“Joe's a wizard right?” Gerard asked.
“No, no, It’s Andy, and I think Mikey would kill you because the only one of theirs numbers we have is Petes, and Mikey blocked him after they both called each other too drunk to be reasonable.” Ray reminded him.
“No, I thought Mikey blocked him because he called him drunk, and Patrick picked up.” Gerard said, moving the car forward when the light went green. It may have been after a few moments though, he was distracted by the sky turning blue, and by the yellow slowly disappearing in front of him. It was so weird to feel the sun, and not just see the blue sky, evidence that there was sun if he was outside hiding in the shade during various sound checks.
“That may have been it.” Ray agreed. “I think that Mikey might be more okay with it now though if it comes down to it, cause he finally talked to Frank about his feelings like a healthy human being.”
“To be fair, my brother has a very hard time with figuring out what the fuck he’s feeling.” Gerard said, turning at the next light.
“I mean, you both do.” Ray muttered.
“Hey!” Gerard complained.
Ray laughed, and then they were both quiet for a few moments. It was very odd to hear Ray's laugh come out of Gerard’s body's mouth, and in his voice.
“This is really weird.” Ray said after a few more moments.
“It is.” Gerard agreed.
“Mikey has to be able to fix this. We’re going to have to stop rehearsals and planning and everything until it gets fixed.” Ray said.
“I mean, I can still sing, and you can still play guitar. It’ll just look a little weird.” Gerard smiled to himself at the scene forming in his brain.
“You don’t have callouses.” Ray reminded him. “I'd hurt your hands.”
“Shit, you’re right.” Gerard murmured. “You’ve also got a different vocal range than me. Damn it, I guess we can’t do shit until then. I mean, we can still work on songs.”
“Only the lyrics though because working on making songs still entails me figuring out the guitar.” Ray reminded him.
“Shit.” Gerard muttered. “Maybe that’s a good thing. It’s not like we’ve been having much luck with this album anyways. It’s not getting fucking anywhere.”
“Let’s just get home, and not think about how the album is going.” Ray said, making an executive decision for both of them. It was probably better this way.
Gerard hummed, and kept driving, and driving until he pulled up to the neighborhood, and went through the mildly unfamiliar path until he got to a house tucked away into the back corner with a backyard decently far away from all the others because the plot was a little weird. Normally, neither of them probably would’ve gone for this one, but it had a garage which was crucial for Gerard, and the backyard being so far from others meant that there were no prying eyes on their business when wolf howls started echoing through the neighborhood.
Mikey and Frank had said they should’ve just gotten a house out further away from the city, good for Ray, but Gerard still needed things that were open at night or he was going to go insane, and this was the compromise that they’d come to.
Gerard hit the button for the garage door to open, and drove in, hitting the button again as he parked, almost missing the feeling of the sun on his skin. God, he'd missed that so much.
“You're good.” Gerard murmured as he turned the car off.
Ray uncovered himself and slipped out of the car. Gerard made sure to grab the keys out of the ignition before getting out of the car, seeing Ray waiting next to the door that went into the house for him. It was odd to see himself, and Gerard needed to stop thinking about that for a moment. This was so fucking weird. Ray opened the door and they went inside, at least Gerard had the sense to fully close their curtains last night.
Opening the fridge, Gerard grabbed a bag of blood, and took it out, feeling Ray's eyes on him as he sat down at the counter. Absentmindedly, he wondered if this was what Ray felt like during the early days of him being a vampire when Gerard got turned during a complete mishap that made them cancel a week's worth of shows and blamed it on food poisoning because it was hard to explain that Gerard had been turned into a vampire. As Gerard poured the blood into one of their mugs so he could heat it up, he thought back to it all before trying to force the memory out of his brain.
This had to have been how Ray felt because for the first two days, he felt like his eyes were glued to Ray, watching him do everything, trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with him, and why he wasn’t dead. It was mostly because while they saw the blood, he'd woken up before they found the bite amongst the blood. He remembered being forced to take a shower whilst starving and looking like he was going to collapse despite having just eaten while they were still trying to figure out what was going on. He remembered Ray thumbing over the bite mark and frowning. He remembered nearly making Ray pass out when he'd first drank from him and sending himself into a panic attack thinking he'd done the same thing to him.
“Gerard?” Ray's voice interrupted his thoughts, and Gerard blinked, finding that he was staring at a cup of blood, the bag empty.
“Sorry.” Gerard murmured.
“It's okay, I just… wanted to make sure you were alright.” Ray said softly.
“I'm fine.” Gerard said, taking the mug, opening the microwave and putting it in. He pressed the one button and turned back to Ray as the device hummed to life.
Leaning against the counter, he studied Ray's face, whose eyes were focused on his neck. Well, his own face. It had been a long time since he'd seen it, seen his eyes, the curve of his nose, the way hair fell into his face. Ray always swore that he looked good, but Ray was biased. Ray's eyes moved, flicking up to meet his, the red tinge obvious. Ray didn't have the same absentminded self control that Gerard had by now, so it was probably going to be better to give him blood more often than Gerard was used to eating, even if Ray was in his body.
“Is it like this all the time?” Ray asked, voice quiet. “The hunger?”
There was silence before he said, “Only sometimes. You're not good at controlling it, and that always made me feel hungrier than I actually was in the beginning.”
“God,” Ray shivered, “What the fuck?”
“Oh yeah, that feels really weird, but it's not anything worth mentioning. I didn't think it ever was.” Gerard said. “It's only when I say anything though, not you, although I guess you have to look out for that in the next few days.”
“Next day.” Ray reminded him. “I really do want this over before the full moon.”
“I know.” Gerard said as the microwave started to beep. He turned around and began to remove the cup from the microwave, “I don't think it'll kill me if I go through just one though, and I’m not sure we can fix this in a day.”
He could feel the grimace that Ray sported behind him even before he turned around with the cup, handing it to Ray. Ray took the cup and took a cautious sip, brow furrowing before he swallowed the first sip.
“This actually tastes good.” Ray said, almost a questionable tone in his voice. “Kind of like iron but not bad.”
“Shit, we've got different taste buds.” Gerard breathed out.
Ray huffed and let his head hit the counter, burying his face in his elbow. Well, Gerard's elbow.
“You should call Mikey while I'm eating.” Ray murmured, lifting up his face to take another sip.
Gerard nodded and patted his leg for his phone before remembering that he didn't have his phone, and Ray's phone was in his jacket pocket. Going around to the other side of the counter, Gerard picked out the phone from Ray's jacket where he'd put it over the back of the chair once he was safely inside the house. Gerard put in Rays password, smiling softly to himself when he remembered that it was his own birthday. Clicking on the phone icon, he called Mikey, and waited for him to pick up.
“Will he pick up if it's my phone? I think he's more likely to answer a call from your phone.” Ray said in between sips of blood.
Gerard glanced at him, seeing the blood staining his lips and wondering if he always looked like that when he drank, before answering, “I mean, maybe, I think the fact that it's eight in the morning is what's gonna make him not fu-”
“Hello?” Mikeys groggy voice echoed through the phone.
“Mikey!” Gerard said, turning away from Ray, and beginning to pace next to him while the other drank.
“Ray?” Mikey muttered, the sound of shuffling from the other side. “What's going on? It's so fucking early.”
“Okay, well, I have horrific news.” Gerard started.
“Do not phrase it like that.” Ray said, and Gerard was sure that he said it loud enough that Mikey also heard it. “Mikey, if you can hear me, it's not that bad, it's just weird.”
“What the fuck?” Mikey muttered again. “Just- just tell me. It cannot be that bad.”
“Okay, so Me and Ray were out last night, right? ‘Cause I wanted to go see the fucking stars like a normal person and it was a clear night and good weather. Right, normal? Well, we ran into fucking something. I don't know what the fuck it was but we passed out, and we woke up in each other's bodies.” Gerard said.
There was a moment of silence before Mikey managed to say, “You swapped bodies?”
“What?” A quiet voice came from the other side of the line.
“Hold on.” Mikey murmured, clearly not to him. “Jesus, I'm not awake enough for this. Okay, so let me get this right, you and Ray swapped bodies?”
“Exactly.” Gerard said.
After a few moments, Mikey answered, “Gerard, this is gonna take a minute to fix. I don't think I know how to do that. I mean, maybe it’s in one of my books? Either way it’s going to be a bit.”
“That’s fine.” Gerard said. “Just, if we can, Ray would rather us be switched back by the full moon, just ‘cause he doesn’t want me to deal with it.”
“That’s in two days right?” Mikey muttered.
“No, tomorrow.” Frank's voice was barely there but he heard him through the phone.
“I’ll make Frank look through my books with me, today. Actually, I’m gonna bring them over and make you all help me because this is your damn fault.” Mikey said.
“Hey! If anything it was whoever was in the woods that we spooked’s fault.” Gerard shot back, knowing that even then it was still their fault. They hadn’t meant to scare them.
“If I can’t fix this, you’re the one calling Brian and telling him what happened.” Mikey warned.
“I mean, I still have to call him sometime soon to give him an update on the album, so he’s already going to be upset with us.” Gerard said.
“Tell Ray we can still work if he just plays in your body.” Frank's voice was quiet, and Gerard got the feeling that he was on speaker so that Mikey wouldn’t have to hold the phone up to his ear.
“I already suggested that and he said that I don’t have callouses.” Gerard said, glancing at Ray who was still quietly sipping at the blood as if he was scared that downing it all in one go would make him choke.
Ray nodded, as Mikey said, “Okay, fine, I’m coming over with my books, and you’re making both of us the good coffee for our troubles.”
“Fine.” Gerard said dramatically. “I will get out the good coffee. Bye, Mikey.”
“Bye.” Mikey muttered before he hung up the phone.
Gerard slipped the phone back into Ray's jacket, leaning on the counter next to him, and looking into his eyes. It was really weird seeing himself because he just hadn’t seen himself in so long. Sure, there were old pictures but he never knew. He never knew anymore and it had bothered him for a while but he’d grown used to it.
“I’m still impressed you managed to defy the laws of magic and take a picture of me.” Gerard said, scanning over Ray, over himself.
Rays mouth quirked up, in that smile he always did. It looked so weird on Gerard's body, “Love, sweetheart, that’s how.”
Gerard tried to stop the smile from coming to his face as he pushed Rays shoulder, and looked away from him, “You’re a fucking sap, y’know that?”
Ray laughed, and his face seemed to fall again then he asked, “Is it weird?”
“Seeing myself?” Gerard asked back.
“Yeah.” Ray said.
“It's very weird.” Gerard admitted, half tempted to adjust his hair just because he was so unused to seeing himself. “I know it's only been a year since you got the picture but that was the only time I've seen myself in the last two- almost three years, and I don't know, it's weird to see myself like actually see myself, not just in a picture.”
The last few years had been so fucking weird. Gerard had picked up photography because Ray couldn't take pictures of him anymore, and according to Ray, Gerard was one of his muses because half the pictures he took in his free time were of Gerard. However, Ray had asked him to teach him how to draw sometime during the Black Parade tour, and so sometimes Gerard would find half-done rough sketches of himself taped to the mirror and he’d laugh. Frank liked to joke that sharing hobbies was actually their love language, but Gerard thought that it was sweet of Ray.
“Yeah, I get it.” Ray said, softly having heard some of Gerard's many tangents about not being able to see himself, and not being able to properly do his make-up for shows anymore and having to rely on Ray or someone else. “I keep wanting to kiss you or hug you, and it’s just weird seeing my face staring back at me, even though I know it’s actually you.”
Gerard snorted, “Maybe we should, just ‘cause you always complain about tasting blood on my lips. I wanna know what it tastes like to you.”
Ray hummed, “Maybe later, this is still freaking me out.”
Gerard nodded, glancing at the red tinged sides of Ray's mouth, and getting an idea, “Hold on, you have blood on your face.”
Reaching forward, he used his thumb to wipe the blood off, causing Ray to snort when Gerard put his thumb in his mouth. A bitter taste of iron shot through Gerard's mouth, staining his tongue. He wrinkled his nose, knowing that Ray did sometimes like the taste of blood but he supposed that his taste buds only liked it when it was accompanied with steak or something.
“That’s so weird.” Gerard murmured.
“Bodies are weird.” Ray said.
“The occult is fucking weird.” Gerard muttered, glancing at the mug that was now empty. Sometimes he’d put a bit of diet coke in the same mug and use that to drink the rest of the blood. He had a feeling that Ray may not enjoy that though. “I’m gonna make some coffee. That’s Mikeys demand for being called this early.”
“Are you gonna make me drink coffee out of the same mug?” Ray asked as Gerard moved around into the other side of the counter, back into the proper part of the kitchen.
“You don’t have to but I enjoy it.” Gerard shrugged, getting out the bag of good grounds, and emptying the filter into the trash. He’d meant to do that yesterday instead of leaving it but he’d been busy.
“Alright.” Ray said.
They slipped into comfortable silence, Gerard got out another filter, and carefully poured the coffee in. Placing the filter into the machine, he adjusted it, making sure he’d actually placed the pot underneath it unlike the couple of times he’d been so tired that he forgot to put it back under the dispenser and had gotten coffee everywhere. That had been a quick fix from Ray, making sure that it was properly adjusted because apparently there was a button on the machine that the pot pressed to say it when it was and wasn’t supposed to kick out coffee, but it had been broken apparently and just dispensing Coffee whenever and neither of them had noticed.
It didn’t turn on for a moment and he frowned, hitting the side and feeling satisfied when it kicked on, and began to whir. Then it stopped, and Gerard huffed, seeing the little low water signal beeping at him. Turning the thing around, he took out the water container to fill it up.
He almost filled it up at the sink, but Ray spoke, “Franks gonna want some.”
Gerard hummed and moved, filling it up from the water filter attached to the front of the fridge. Most of them were fine with the tap water, but Frank said it messed with his stomach, and Gerard had no reason not to believe him, so he’d fill it up from the fridge and put in new grounds if Frank was coming over.
Putting the water container back, Gerard pressed start on the coffee machine again, feeling satisfied as it started to whir and the smell of coffee filled the air. It smelled nearly twice as strong as it normally did, even when it was just starting to heat up and get made. Which was odd to him, and he realized that he could hear the little clicks as the water was poured against the grounds and heated up.
“Is this why you always ask me to make coffee?” Gerard asked, looking towards Ray who at some point had pulled out his phone.
“The smell?” Ray asked, looking up. “Or the noise?”
“Both.” Gerard answered.
“Yeah.” Ray admitted with a sigh. “Most noises don’t bother me, but the coffee maker clicking irritates me a bit. I tried to fix it, and I did for a couple weeks and then it came back, so y’know I just deal with it.”
Gerard gave him a look which made Ray wrinkle his nose, “Don’t look at me like that. It’s weird when my body looks at me like that.”
Gerard snorted, and turned away from Ray, starting to get out a few more mugs, mostly for when Mikey and Frank got here. When there was enough coffee, he poured himself a mug and put some creamer in it before glancing at Ray who looked up, seeing the coffee pot in his hand, and seemed to be debating something. He’d made sure to wait until there was enough for both of them to have a cup in case Ray changed his mind.
Sighing, Ray pushed his mug across the counter, and plopping his head onto his arms, looking like a kicked puppy who wanted to be let onto the couch.
Gerard took the mug and spoke as he poured the coffee, “It’s weird seeing myself, and I think it’s even weirder seeing you act like a kicked puppy while being in my body.”
Ray glared at him, and he knew that if Ray had wolf ears, they’d be pinned back against his hair. Gerard slid the mug back across the counter after he put some creamer and sugar in it and picked up his own, sipping at it. The richness exploded in his mouth, and Gerard was once again reminded that he and Ray had different taste buds. There was more silence as they thought about what all of this meant for the next couple of days, or weeks depending on if Mikey could actually do something or not.
Eventually there was a knock at the door, and Gerard half-forgot that right now he was the only one who could open the door, and clearly Ray did too because he absentmindedly got up before Gerard started moving.
“Jesus,” Ray shivered at the slip of his tongue, “I’m going to accidentally give you burns just ‘cause I’m so used to our routine.”
“It’s alright. I’m gonna go try and not to freak out over opening a door.” Gerard muttered, moving out of the kitchen, and into the entryway.
Some of their neighbors had thought that they were weird for putting a tint on their front door window, but Gerard wasn’t going to explain his curse to them. He didn’t explain it to anyone who didn’t need to know. That was the band, Brian, and a very specific Techs who they all knew wouldn’t say anything because he couldn’t exactly get blood as easily while touring.
Gerard stopped in front of the door, he knew that for a few hours early in the morning the light would hit their door, and he forced himself to take a deep breath, god, that was odd, and unlocked the door. Twisting the handle, he opened the door, cringing mildly when the sun hit his face because he wasn’t expecting it, even with Mikey and Frank half in the way. Moving out of the way, Gerard let the two in, and shut the door just as quickly and locked it again out of habit.
“Shit, you weren’t fucking joking.” Mikey murmured, looking at him.
Gerard looked back and huffed, “Why the hell would I joke about that?”
Mikey shrugged, “Don’t know, but I can feel that there’s some sort of enchantment on you.”
“Great. Does that make it better or worse?” Gerard asked.
“Well, if I can actually do anything about it, better because I know more about enchantments compared to anything else ‘cause people keep messing with venues.” Mikey said, turning around and heading into the living room. Right, magic was apparently around a lot more in their world than most people thought.
Frank followed, rubbing something out of his eyes, muttering something that Gerard could actually hear, “You better’ve made coffee.”
“I made coffee already.” Gerard said, following Mikey into the living room.
Ray had moved from the counter and was now sitting down on the couch while Mikey dropped his bag onto the couch. He was honestly surprised that Mikey didn’t make Frank carry the books in, but he watched Frank collapse on the couch as he went into the kitchen, and that explained it. Mikey had dragged him along, and Frank had begrudgingly gone with him.
“Frank you’re going to have to-”
“Just- don’t even worry about. Don’t put anything in it.” Frank said, interrupting him. “Just bring me the coffee.”
Gerard hummed, and poured the cup of coffee, hearing Mikey appear behind him, despite his impossibly light footsteps. That really did explain why Ray was one of the only people who ever heard him appear near him. He grabbed his own mug and Franks, taking it and sitting next to Ray on the couch, passing the cup to Frank and sipping on his own. The taste was a little off-putting, and he could almost see why Ray liked to put a little sugar in his coffee.
“Okay,” Mikey began sitting on one of the chairs, and putting his coffee mug on the table in front of them all, “So, here’s what we’re going to do. Each of us is going to take a book, and we’re going to look through them. I don’t know what the hell a body swap spell would classify as which is why we’re going through all of them because I don’t know which book it would be in. It’ll probably look as it sounds. I’d look for anything that has to do with swapping, it may end up being soul swapping or body swapping, if it doesn’t have a title ‘cause the book I have is old, look at the pictures. The pictures will be pretty telling as to what it is. Everyone got it?”
Gerard nodded, hearing an agreement from Ray and glancing over to see Frank curled into the side of the couch, blearily drinking the coffee.
“Give me five minutes, Mikes.” Frank muttered.
Mikey didn’t say anything, reaching into his bag and handing a book to Ray, and then to Gerard, and placing one next to Frank for whenever he was ready to start looking through the book. Gerard sighed, and opened the book, beginning to flip through it. It took a couple hours before they found anything remotely helpful, only after intermittent talking, and Frank accidentally falling asleep reading when he swore to Mikey he went to sleep after he did. It was a little funny to watch them bicker. Frank had found something, at least he thought he had until Mikey looked at it, looked at them, and then told Frank that probably wasn't it.
Frank had looked disappointed and then they went back to reading.
“Have you guys eaten anything?” Ray asked, suddenly, half-kicking Gerard's foot to get his attention.
Gerard furrowed his brow, and looked up from the book. Honestly, he'd forgotten that he had to eat right now, and he really wouldn't have expected Mikey or Frank to eat before they came here. The hunger for actual food and the hunger for blood were two very different feelings.
“No, please make us food, Ray.” Frank said, looking at Ray, and trying his best to look like he was starving and that only Ray could fix it.
Ray snorted, and Gerard watched him, looking at his face, listening to him bicker with Frank about what the other man wanted to eat. It was weird watching Ray's tendencies come out of his body, and yet the argument ended in Ray getting up presumably to go make something that most of them could eat.
“Gee, Honey, what do you want?” Ray asked, looking down at him, and honestly Gerard didn’t have an answer for him.
He hummed and said, “I don’t know. I don’t really care what.”
“Alright.” Ray murmured, disappearing into the kitchen.
The two of them tended to take turns cooking, but right now Gerard was more than content to keep flipping through the book, scanning each page, and wondering which one of them was going to be the one to find it. It couldn’t be that complicated. Sure, Mikey was a rather novice spell caster and potion maker all things considered, but he’d done more impressive shit than swapping peoples bodies at least in Gerards opinion. Maybe, Mikey didn’t think of it as impressive but Gerard did.
Gerard was handed a plate by Ray a while later, he’d started to smell what was cooking while reading, slowly getting to the end of his book while Mikey seemed to get increasingly frustrated by the lack of results. It was what he’d smelled, roasted potatoes, and other random vegetables they had in the house, and Gerard was handed a fork, starting to eat while he flipped through the book.
“Mikey, look at this.” Frank murmured, leaning over, showing the page he was on to Mikey.
Gerard looked up, just to see Mikeys reaction, seeing him glance at the book and furrow his brow, taking the book from Frank to get a better look. Gerard paused his searching, knowing that honestly most of his book wasn’t going to be a help. Most of it had been about cantrips, and curses that Gerard didn’t want to find out if his brother could do.
Frank watched Mikey reading the page, Gerard felt odd watching them, fork frozen where he’d just stabbed a potato that he was planning to eat before Frank spoke. It was odd feeling hungry, and he hadn’t even realized he was until Ray had started cooking and he realized that his stomach was rumbling and that he was genuinely hungry because it wasn’t accompanied by the bone-deep urges that he’d grown used to. Which did remind him that he should get some blood for Ray when night hit, or hell, it had been a week since Gerard last fed from his body, so he might even ask if Ray wanted to drink from him, just to see how it felt.
Some part of him was well aware of how it felt, but he did want to see if it had changed. If things were different, even if Ray would probably tell him that it was the exact same.
“Shit, I think this is it.” Mikey exhaled, pulling the book closer and scanning over it like there were words that he’d missed. “Holy shit, Frank, you’re wonderful.”
Gerard watched Mikey pull Frank in for a quick kiss, before looking back down at the book. That had been a half-recent development and honestly, Gerard wasn’t sure if he preferred seeing his brother kiss his best friend, compared to watching the two of them pine after each other for years like fucking idiots.
“Hold on, I need to go look up some of these things.” Mikey said, getting up from his seat and going off to where he knew that Gerard had a computer. “Gerard, c’mon, you need to put in your password.”
Gerard put the book and the plate of food off to the side, and got up, following Mikey to his office. Putting in the password, Gerard messed around with a few of his tabs, and made sure that Mikey couldn’t mess with anything too important. Then, Mikey replaced him in the seat and pulled up his own account to go look up whatever he needed to.
“This might take a minute.” Mikey muttered, looking back at the book. “It should be a small poultice that fixes you two if I’m reading this right, which does mean that it’ll take longer to get you two back to normal because I don’t think I have one of these things, but I might. I gotta figure that out.”
“Alright,” Gerard said, glancing at the computer screen, “Before or after tomorrow night?”
“Probably after tomorrow night.” Mikey admitted. “Especially if I don’t have this plant ‘cause then I have to source it and that’s a whole other issue that could take days to get if we’re unlucky.”
“I’ll tell Ray.” Gerard said, leaving the room, and letting Mikey do his research. It would be better for all of them if Mikey was allowed to get into the zone and really concentrate on what he was doing. They’d honestly get answers quicker that way.
Going out into the living room, Gerard found that Frank had moved, draped over the seat that Mikey had been sitting in, eating some of the food Ray had given him now that he could fully concentrate on one thing. Ray was sitting on the couch again, and Gerard laid down, putting his head on the other's thigh and looking up at him. Ray looked down at him, hazel eyes looking down at him, like he was some saint.
“Mikey researching?” Ray asked.
“Yeah, he says he might not have one of the plants.” Gerard answered.
“Oh shit.” Frank said, because he did live with the damn guy, and would know what that would mean, and that it wasn’t a good thing.
“So, what, no fixing this before the full moon?” Ray asked, brow furrowing.
“Probably not.” Gerard answered, letting his eyes slip shut. God, he was tired. Why was he so tired all of a sudden? He could honestly take a nap right now, and he did distantly remember that Ray often took naps the afternoon before the day of the full moon, and often woke up around sunset with a mild off-feeling, and an inability to sleep that night unless Gerard bit him.
“You tired?” Ray asked, hesitantly brushing some of the hair out of his face. Some of it had fallen out of the ponytail he’d put it in this morning.
“A little.” Gerard murmured. “Is it this sudden for you?”
“Depends on the month. In the fall, yeah.” Ray admitted.
“You gotta tell me more shit, Ray.” Gerard muttered, adjusting how he was laying on the couch so that he was facing Ray, half burying his face in his own jacket.
“I mean, I could say the same for you.” Ray chided, putting his arm over Gerard's chest, and holding him like Gerard sometimes would when Ray got tired.
Gerard hummed, half missing being in his own body because he liked to feel his boyfriend breathe, feeling his heartbeat under his skin and mess with his hair. He missed that and it had barely been six hours. How had it only been six hours since they'd woken up like this?
“Get some sleep, honey, you'll feel better.” Ray murmured.
Somehow, Gerard could feel his breathing even out, feeling his brain shut down, and drift into a state of half-asleep, half-awake, knowing that Ray and Frank were talking but not about what. Hearing Mikey come back from the other room, tell them something, and half-hearing Ray hesitantly agree with something, like it wasn't something that he wanted to hear. Eventually though, there was quiet, and only a cool hand laying across his chest feeling his chest go up and down.
Gerard wasn't sure when he woke back up, but he did, and Ray was still sitting with him, quiet, some show that Gerard couldn't process.
“What time is it?” Gerard muttered, moving so he was face up and dragging his hand through his eyes.
Blinking open his eyes, there was the dim light from the lamp next to them illuminating Ray who had looked down at him.
“Little before six. You were asleep for a while.” Ray answered, moving Gerard's hair slightly. Gerard had to look away because it was honestly really weird seeing his own face while Ray was being so sweet to him.
“You hungry, honey?” Ray asked.
Gerard nodded, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, noticing the fact that the fabric of shirt was touching his skin. It didn’t bother him like it normally would, he could just feel it, and he could smell the remnants of the food he’d eaten several hours ago. His hair felt it was practically standing on end and that he was going to be thrown into a fight at any minute. There was something uncomfortable under his skin, and the only thing he could describe it as was something akin to paranoia burying itself under his skin.
“Here, I’m gonna make you some food.” Ray began.
“Ray, baby, you don’t need to-”
“I’m going to make you food because I know what you’re going through right now.” Ray interrupted him, not letting him finish his sentence. “You are going to go outside and sit in the sun for a few minutes.”
Gerard was silent for a few moments before whispering, “I don’t want to get used to feeling it again.”
“I know, but you’ll feel better.” Ray murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek, the first time that they’d kissed at all since switching. The feeling of his own cold lips on his cheek made him sit back against the couch, looking at Ray.
“I feel like I’ve gotten so used to this that I’ve grown apathetic and I don’t- I don’t want to be reminded of what I’m missing.” Gerard admitted.
“Sweetheart, it’s alright. Stay inside if you want to then, but I’m still going to make you food.” Ray said, giving him a look that he could only ever see on Rays face.
He fought back a small smile as Ray began to grin, giggling to himself, causing Gerard to smile fully before saying, “Alright.”
“Love you.” Ray said, hesitantly placing a quick kiss to Gerards cheek as he got up, muttering something about it all being really fucking weird as he left.
Gerard was left in the living room, a vague light coming from the kitchen. He glanced to his right where behind a large set of blackout curtains laid a sliding glass door that led to their backyard. The sun would still be out right now, shining low in the sky, with sundown growing closer. Normally he knew about sundown because that was when he could actually go outside safely, now it was because he should go feel the sun. He’d seen Ray bask in the sun sometimes, usually the afternoon before the full moon, or in the van and buses before they had to put in tinted windows, he’d sit in the sunspot taking a nap.
Sometimes, Frank would joke that Ray was like a cat not a dog to which Ray would tell him to fuck off because he just enjoyed the sun. Silently, Gerard got up, and went to the curtains, standing on the other side of where he knew the handle was and staring at it. Reaching forward, he pushed the door open through the curtain and then slipped through a small slip in the curtains. He turned to make sure the curtains were closed behind him, and closed the door as well because Ray hated when bugs would get in the house.
The porch did have a little covering so he wasn’t directly in the sun, and Gerard could safely be out here most of the time as long as he was in the shade. Not that he was out here very often during the day.
Walking forward, he stood at the edge of the concrete before their backyard turned into a mix of a desertscape and grass, although the grass had mostly taken over at this point. Dipping his hand outside the patch of shade, he watched the sun hit it and start to warm his hand. There was no blinding pain like he’d gotten used to, just warmth and the feeling that he was going to get hurt even if he knew that wasn’t true. Stepping out into the grass, he looked in the general direction of the sun, squinting because he didn’t want to mess up Ray’s eyes.
After a few moments he closed them all together, standing there and letting the warmth soak into him like he was a cat. He’d been called a cat before by Ray whenever he’d joke about biting him, or bask in the warmth that his boyfriend gave off.
Gerard stood there for a while before he heard the sliding glass door open, and he snapped his eyes open, looking at Ray standing there in the shade, not really leaving the house though. He could smell dinner through the open door, but the warmth on his skin almost made him not want to leave where he was. Turning around, Gerard went back into the house, following Ray in and shutting the door behind him, half-following the smell.
“Are you passively hungry a lot?” Ray asked as they went into the kitchen, and Gerard grabbed a fork and a knife from their drawer while Ray plated the food.
“Sometimes, I normally drink more in the mornings, but I wasn’t that focused when I warmed it up this morning.” Gerard answered, glancing back at Ray. “I figured you’d probably end up drinking a bit from me tonight.”
Ray tensed, turning to him with his brow furrowed, holding a plate of food and two wine glasses. Gerard started to grab a bottle of wine and a Diet Coke out of the fridge, and said, “You don’t have to, I just figured it might be easier.”
“Alright.” Ray said, and Gerard swore he watched Ray's eyes dilate.
He stared at Ray for a moment before asking, “Do my eyes dilate when I feed on you?”
“Sometimes.” Ray admitted, walking past him to get to their dining room. Gerard followed as Ray said, “I think it’s cute though so, I never mentioned it because I knew you’d get self-conscious.”
Gerard put the silverware on the table with the drinks, quietly contemplating how his life had gotten to this point. If he told himself that this was going to be his life even just five years ago he may have gone insane because the idea of having Ray, the person he’d had a crush on since they met, being his boyfriend would’ve made his brain break.
“Ray, have I ever said how much I fucking love you?” Gerard asked, fixing the table as Ray put down the two glasses.
“All the time sweetheart, love you too.” Ray murmured.
“You didn’t need to get me a glass.” Gerard said, as he uncorked the wine and poured some for Ray. He didn’t personally like it but Ray did.
“I know, I did anyway.” Ray said, sitting at the seat without a plate.
Gerard snorted and sat down, opening the Diet Coke can and pouring it into the wine glass. Setting the can off to the side, he took a sip from the glass, enjoying pretending that he was fancy. He wasn’t even looking at Ray, but he could feel that he was watching him. Which really did explain how Ray always knew when Gerard was staring at him for one reason or another.
Gerard began to eat, cutting into the steak and getting a little baffled by the taste because it was a million times better than any other time he'd ever eaten steak. Whether it was because Ray knew how to cook or because Ray's taste buds were designed to like this, Gerard wasn't sure of, but it almost made him miss not getting mildly nauseous if he ate actual food. While Gerard ate, Ray told him about what He, Frank, and Mikey had talked about while Gerard was passed out.
How Mikey had figured out he had everything to make the poultice to fix this, except one thing, but that he'd figured out where he could get some. The problem was that it apparently only grew in Rainy Northern Mountains, so the closest place that they could even grow was in Oregon, and organic matter tended to be extremely finicky with portals, most of the time coming out dead and unable to grow. According to Ray, though, Mikey had figured out a way around that but it would still take a couple days because that required shipping the plant to Mikey and Frank's house and praying it didn't die on the way there.
“Wait, so, hold on,” Gerard managed to say, half pointing his fork towards Ray, “One of Frank's ideas was just driving to Oregon?”
“Yeah, but we looked it up, it would take just as much time there and back as shipping it would, or really any other idea we came up with.” Ray said.
Gerard took a moment before he said, “So in summary there is physically no fuckin’ way to fix this before tomorrow night?”
“Pretty much.” Ray admitted while Gerard took a bite of his food, chewing on it slowly.
“Well alright then.” Gerard said.
“I’ll do everything you do for me, I promise.” Ray said.
“Baby, I’m not worried about that.” Gerard said. “Frankly, I’m more worried about if I’m going to act stupid or hurt you.”
Ray bit his lip, worrying with it for a moment before saying, “I trust you. I never end up hurting you, so I don’t think you’re going to hurt me. My body doesn’t have the gene that would make me a genuine danger to be around, you know that. I’m really not worried about when you’re a wolf. That's not the part that you should be worrying about. Gee, Sweetheart, I don’t know, I’m just used to the pain of turning and all the aches and shit that come with it the day after. It’s probably going to be painful.”
“Ray, if you say you’re worried about me being in pain one more time I am going to throw out our wine.” Gerard said, sipping at his diet coke. They both knew it was an empty threat. Ray grumbled, and got that expression of a kicked puppy again. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“It always works though.” Ray said, smugly.
“Yeah, ‘cause you’re a shithead.” Gerard said, taking the last bite of the steak while Ray stared at him from across the table, not denying it.
Gerard considered just staying there but his entire body felt like it was filled with electricity, and everything felt like it was heightened. Ray certainly noticed because he went through this every damn month, and now had to watch it happen to Gerard. He supposed that did seem like hell to Ray, just watching Gerard go through something that Ray knew he could deal with, but maybe not something that Gerard could. He was dealing with it though, even if it felt like he was going crazy.
Honestly, the house could use a clean, but with the way Ray was looking at him, he knew exactly what was going to happen. Ray knew what he was feeling and was going to remind him that Gerard always insisted that he rest instead of cleaning everything in an almost manic fervor. They both knew each other too well.
“Ger-”
“I know.” Gerard sighed, the energy buzzing beneath his skin.
“C’mon, we were in the woods for hours last night. We still have dirt on us.” Ray said, taking his hand, and pulling him along to the bathroom.
Honestly after getting turned, showers had been one of the things that Gerard enjoyed the most, sans taking a bath, because it was one of the warmest that he could be without physically being in the sun or hell in a fire. It was a nice routine, and then Gerard got to lay in bed, curled up next to Ray once he was done with his hair. However, Ray was giggling to himself right now after the shower as he helped Gerard get through the routine he had for making sure his curls didn’t frizz while they slept.
“Ray, darling, I love you so much, Can this be skipped one night?” Gerard asked.
“Darling? That’s new.” Ray mused, pulling Gerard's hair back, looking at it and letting it rest against his back, only slightly damp now. “It’s alright, that’s it.”
“I could not do this every day.” Gerard muttered, turning and going into their bedroom, Ray following.
“It’s alright.” Ray said, as Gerard sat down on the edge of their bed, the filtered moonlight from the window slipped in because Gerard had left the blinds open last night.
Gerard looked at Ray, hands at his side because unless he was looking into Ray's eyes, it was hard to pretend that he wasn’t in the wrong body, and that he had an appearance that he could see for the first time in three years. It was so fucking weird seeing himself.
“Are you hungry?” Gerard asked, mimicking what Ray had asked him twice today because they both knew Gerard wouldn’t notice human cues of hunger, and Gerard knew Ray wouldn't be able to ignore his hunger.
Ray nodded, and Gerard could see his pupils dilate, and the hesitance take over his face. He knew why, but neither of them were going to say it.
“Are you- Will you freak out?” Ray asked, moving so that his hands were resting on Gerard's chin, holding his face.
Gerard hummed, “No, I don’t think I will. I’ll tell you if I do though.”
Ray had that intense look in his eyes that he had when he was being serious and it drove Gerard crazy, making him smile slightly and lean forward to kiss Ray softly, making sure to close his eyes so he could pretend that it was truly Ray. The lips were different though, he could tell, and he could almost feel the press of his fangs through his lips. He pulled away and Ray leaned forward, moving one of his hands so that he could move Gerard's chin, which he let him do.
Cold, sharp bone pressed against his throat, heart hammering against them, while Ray whispered, “I’m gonna bite you now, alright?”
“Alright.” Gerard murmured.
Ray pulled half back, fangs scraping against his skin. There was a moment of hesitance, and then Ray bit down. Gerard sucked in a breath at the sharp pain, and eased as the pain began to lessen. He exhaled slowly, feeling Ray suck at his blood, mildly clumsily, with rivulets of blood slipping down his throat but he knew that Ray was going off what he’d felt Gerard do when feeding off him. Ray pulled away after a good bit enough that Gerard’s brain would calm down, and enough that Ray wouldn’t be hungry for now.
The bleeding stopped almost immediately, the wound closing and Ray’s face, well, his own face appeared in his vision, some blood still on his lips.
“You feeling alright? I didn’t take too much, did I?” Ray asked, still cradling his face and glancing down at his throat like Gerard was going to bleed out.
“I’m fine, feel calmer.” Gerard admitted, wiping the blood off Ray's lips with his thumb.
“That’s good.” Ray said, looking pleased by that. Some part of Gerard knew that if Ray had a tail it would be wagging right now but when it wasn’t the full moon, Ray looked like a normal human minus some very sharp, canine-like teeth. “Bedtime?”
“Mhm.” Gerard agreed, falling back on the bed and rolling on top of the covers, not bothering with the blankets right now, pulling Ray with him. He knew that he liked to cuddle with Ray because it made him warm, so he knew that Ray would probably notice that as well.
“G’night.” Ray murmured, wrapping his arms around Gerard's waist, and pulling the blankets half over them.
“Night, baby.” Gerard murmured back, letting himself slip into sleep.
xxx
The next day, Gerard found that the energy pulling at his skin seemed to be doubled, the caution tripled. He felt like he was going insane watching his own boyfriend mess around with one of his guitars for a bit as if he was going to do something when that was something that Ray always did when he was bored, and one of their shows wasn’t on. He could tell it was just practice though, not anything too serious because Ray didn’t have his callouses right now and seemed to just be doing basic shit that wouldn't hurt.
His head felt like it was going to explode, unable to focus on almost anything as the day crept slowly on. Some part of him tried to think of lyrics, tried to draw something, someone, Ray, himself, which it was odd to actually have a reference point, plants, and yet that still didn’t work. He almost wished that the end of the day would come faster because at least then something would happen, and he'd stop being so paranoid that he was half a second away from spiraling. Right now, he couldn’t even leave the house for some groceries they needed because Gerard was shit at pretending to be Ray, and he was not going to try to pretend to be his boyfriend to leave the house because that would not end well on the off chance they ran into fans.
He kept repeating when the sun set in his brain, repeating how much time he had left, repeating when this all might end.
He’d always seen Ray get extremely fucking antsy the day of, borderline paranoid, but this felt awful. Maybe it didn’t help that Gerard was already a fairly paranoid person, but having his body make it worse was making him a few wrong steps from having a fucking panic attack half the day.
Eventually Gerard had to go outside, sit on the porch and just breathe, watching the clouds go by and feeling the seconds tick by.
It wasn’t until twilight blue started coating the sky and the oranges went away that Ray joined him outside, sitting next to him. Probably because he knew it was going to happen soon and didn't want Gerard to be alone when it happened. Gerard always tried to make sure that Ray wasn't alone because it just was better for both of them that way.
“Gerard, you need to breathe.” Ray murmured, pressing his hand against Gerard's shoulder like he was going to break.
“I don’t- how do you deal with this damn paranoia?” Gerard asked. “It’s- It’s crawling through my skin, and I don’t know how you do it.”
“Well, for one, I’m not an extremely paranoid person to start with.” Ray reminded him, and Gerard looked at him, making eye contact, wanting this to be over. “And, I think of it more as a wolf's instincts preparing me for the night than anything.”
“I don’t know how you’ve done this so many times.” Gerard admitted.
“Getting very, very used to it, sweetheart.” Ray said, a soft smile on his face.
Gerard could start to feel a bone deep ache behind his eyes, and behind his ears. An ache that was very quickly turning into something almost painful.
“I’ll be here the entire time, alright?” Ray said, voice laced with concern.
“Okay.” Gerard said, voice practically a whisper.
There was a twitch up his spine, racking his body in a shiver, as his eyes slipped forcibly shut. Ray would always grimace when he turned but it always seemed quick. It felt much slower when Gerard felt like his eyes were shrinking into his face, and like his tailbone was on fire. White-hot pain shot through his body, and if his mouth wasn’t actively elongated, then he would’ve gasped. Every alarm bell in his head rang, telling him he was dying, telling him that he was going to die.
Holy shit, Gerard was going to die.
His hands hurt but whether that was from digging them into his side or growing nails, growing taller, he couldn’t tell. Pain ricocheted everywhere, falling over him in waves that probably lasted only seconds, like he was a wave pool, and the crests of the waves were pain crashing into him. He wished it would end. He wished it would stop.
Pain taunted him, stopping in some spots only to suddenly feel like needles being shoved into his skin, needles everywhere and Gerard was panicking. There was something wrong. There had to be. Nothing- Pain. Only pain wracking his body over and over. Fuck, he hated needles. Fuck- he hated this.
Then it was over, and Gerard tried to gasp from the suddenness but had half-awareness to know that he whined like a dog. That someone was petting his snout almost like they were comforting him, and running a hand behind his ears to scratch there. The smell was familiar and so he stayed.
He stayed, and most of the night was a blur. Whatever part of him that was registering himself as Gerard, a person, wasn’t working correctly, and so most of the time, Gerard wasn’t sure what was going on, but he knew he was alive. He knew that he was doing things, and he didn’t taste iron underneath his tongue and so that was good enough for him. That was enough of a comfort. There was a consistent feeling of hands on his fur, maybe petting him, and he kept following the familiar smell around, letting his snout press into their hands, into their face, listening to the familiar, little laugh as he did.
The dirt beneath his paws almost felt akin to pressing his hands into the ground, not his feet, just his hands. He knew that the grass felt cold and a little dead but still comfortable to lay in, almost lounge in. He could feel someone laying on his stomach when he did that, curled up next to him.
Someone was telling him to be quiet at some point, that he was making a bunch of noise, but really it wasn’t his fault. Frankly, it was the moon's fault for being there in the sky, for causing this, but he couldn’t explain it to the familiar smell because he couldn't talk.
All too soon, the pain was back, and he was gasping as he breathed in air into human lungs, the dawn of the world starting to show. He was laying on the grass in the middle of their backyard, one of the few coherent thoughts running through his brain being that Ray brain was not entirely Wolf brain. That was the one thing he needed to take out of this. That was why Ray didn't remember a lot after he turned back after a full moon.
A hand touched his back while Gerard felt his ears shrinking down, causing him to whine in pain. The ears had been first, so surely they’d be the last thing.
“Sorry.” Ray murmured softly.
After a few more moments, Ray reached forward again, cradling his head where he was laying in Ray's lap. The touch hurt, and yet Gerard found himself leaning into it, trying to get this feeling off him. It felt weird and like he wasn't in his body, which was true, but it was worse. He almost didn't feel real, but Ray's hand was grounding him into reality. He shivered, and blinked open his eyes, seeing the orange, yellow light peaking over their fence.
“Ray, baby, you gotta go inside.” Gerard managed to say, pushing himself up, knowing that Ray needed to get in or he was going to get hurt.
“Hold on, let me help you.” Ray murmured, holding onto his arm.
Gerard leaned onto Ray, curling against him as they stumbled onto the porch, and went back inside. Gerard could barely remember anything that he did, or maybe that was just because he was so exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed, and sleep the day away. Ray would often do that after full moons, and they all knew that he deserved that rest.
Gerard was used to the routine of after.
He was just normally the one taking care of Ray. Ray helped him stand up in the shower long enough that he could wash most of the dirt off of him, and get the twigs out of his hair. Ray sat him on the toilet while he drew a bath, steaming hot water to get rid of the aches before Gerard could sleep the rest of the day away. Fuck, the aching felt bone-deep, intertwining with his soul. Then, Ray was tossing in bath salts and he was being helped to settle into the water, the warmth soothing everything, the ache in his muscles, the burn in his tendons, and the pain finally lessening.
It took a moment, but Gerard managed to make himself look pitiful enough to get Ray to get in the bath with him, just because Gerard wanted Ray to hold him, and honestly a nap in warm water sounded really nice. It was probably good that Ray got in because he felt his eyes begin to slip shut, settling into the warmth of the water, and being held by his boyfriend meant that he wouldn’t accidentally drown in their bathtub.
“How did you do this alone?” Gerard managed to ask, knowing there was a time before the band, before they were together, before Gerard or anyone they knew knew.
Ray hesitated with his answer before whispering, “It really, really sucked.”
“That was worse than I thought it would be.” He whispered.
“You’re not used to it.” Ray said, pushing his hair away from wherever it had started to float in the bath.
“I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“I don’t know. This sucks.”
“You help.”
“I can’t help enough. Not anymore. I used- I used to be able to help more.” Gerard started.
“Gerard. You help so much more than anyone else is willing to do, I promise.” Ray said, lips pressed against his temple. It was almost easy to pretend that they were still in the right bodies like this.
“Yeah, but-”
“No. You help. End of story, and I love you for that and so much more.” Ray said with finality, knowing that Gerard would likely say it back, and let it end there.
A beat before Gerard murmured, “Love you.”
Ray seemed pleased by that, holding him tighter, and letting Gerard lean his head against his neck, trying not to slip under the water lapping at his chin. Honestly, he probably could’ve fallen asleep there, but the water was growing cold, and he knew that at some point today Frank and Mikey were going to be back with the poultice that would end all of this, and let them get back to their normal lives.
“You wanna move to the bed, honey?” Ray asked eventually.
Gerard hummed, letting Ray do all the work that Gerard would normally be doing, draining the tub, getting clean clothes. Gerard felt okay enough to dry himself off, and actually get into the clothes, although he let carry Ray to their bed and collapse onto it with him in his arms. That was where Gerard half-napped, curled against Ray, hands running over the top of his head, which he could almost pretend weren’t freakishly cold in comparison to his own skin when it was supposed to be the opposite. There was the sound of the doorbell when Gerard was half asleep and he knew that he was probably going to have to go get it.
“Hey, Mikey. I left the door unlocked, you guys can just come in. Gee’s passed out, and I honestly don’t wanna make him get up right now.” Ray said, seemingly to no one in particular. Ray carded his hand through Gerard's hair, seemingly out of habit more than anything. “He's really tired, but he got through it, so y'know.”
Gerard felt Ray move, and instinctively tightened his grip on him, holding him close, not wanting him to leave. The aches seemed to almost go away like this, and leaving would mean Ray was gone.
“Not as asleep as I thought though.” Ray murmured.
Gerard didn't say anything, instead choosing to just move his head and curl further into Ray. He didn’t really want to get up right now, because even if it meant switching back, Ray would be in pain and he couldn’t bear to do that to him. Not, right now.
“Gee, honey, Frank and Mikey are here. They got the poultice.” Ray murmured, hand on his head, messing with his hair.
Gerard took a deep breath, and opened his eyes. The last two and a half days had felt like a lifetime. Yet, he’d seen and felt the sun rise again. That was probably the last time he was ever going to get to experience that, but at least he knew it this time. He hadn’t taken it for granted this time. He had that, and hopefully that was enough to fuel him for a while.
“Alright. Sorry, I’m so fucking tired.” Gerard said, sitting up, running his hand over his face.
“Believe me, I know.” Ray murmured in his ear, before getting up, and out of the bed.
There was a soft knock on their bedroom door, and Gerard continued to try and wipe the sleep out of his eyes, while Ray let Frank and Mikey in, who clicked on the lamp instead of the overhead.
Frank sat on the edge of the bed and asked, “How you feeling?”
“Like shit. I don’t know how Ray does this.” Gerard muttered his answer.
“I told you, getting very, very used to it.” Ray chided.
Gerard shifted, swinging his legs over the bed, and facing Mikey and Ray who were both still standing up. Well, Mikey had placed a bag on the night stand and was pulling two vials out that was presumably whatever he'd spent the morning making.
“Both of you owe me.” Mikey muttered. “This was one of the most unnecessarily complicated things I've ever had to make. Even worse than that shit that kept your skin from getting too burned during Pro Rev.”
“Really?” Gerard said, picking up one of the vials and looking at the murky green water within it. It almost reminded him of a pond, and that frankly didn't make him too keen on drinking it.
“Yes, and I've already done the incantations and shit, and everything. The only thing left to do is for you two to drink it. I'd suggest laying down or at least sitting because you're going to pass out.” Mikey said, glancing pointedly at Ray. “How long were you guys out last time? It’ll probably be the same this time.”
“I think it was a couple hours? I'm not sure when it started, but that could’ve been because we fell though.” Ray answered, sitting down on the bed next to Gerard.
“Good to know.” Mikey murmured. “Alright, well it shouldn't hurt, hopefully. I don't promise that it will taste good though.”
“That's fine.” Gerard murmured, uncorking the poultice, looking at Ray who was being handed his, while Frank pulled his legs up to sit on the bed like he was supposed to be there.
Gerard scanned over his face, taking in the small minute details, the pale skin, his hair being almost to his chin again, the way his hazel eyes flicked around like Ray was trying to figure out what Gerard was feeling. Maybe, he’d get lucky again and Ray would be able to take another picture of him that he could actually see. For now this was enough though. Gerard could commit this to memory, letting it settle in his brain for the next several years.
“You ready?” Ray asked.
“Yeah.” Gerard breathed out, bringing the vial up to his lips.
Ray did the same and they tossed their heads back at the same time, the taste of almost pond sludge hitting his taste buds, and making him grimace as he swallowed the poultice. The after-taste was almost worse, settling on his tongue and tingling in his mouth, sending a feeling of dread through his system. He could feel the cold poultice almost running through his throat, which was not something he’d felt in a long time, and not one he enjoyed honestly.
It almost felt like he was getting anesthesia, cold running through his veins, as his eyes slipped shut, and he breathed again for the last time.
xxx
When Gerard woke up again, there was already talking somewhere around him as he blinked open his eyes, feeling much colder than he had been the past few days, although that didn't bother him much. He could also smell the faint smell of blood in the room again, with the smell of three different blood types mixing in the room to make a half sweet smell.
Sitting up, he found Ray was already awake, and talking to Frank while Mikey leaned against the side table, eyes flicking over to Gerard as he blinked, doing a once over.
“So, did it taste like shit to you too?” Mikey asked.
“It tasted like pond sludge.” Gerard muttered, running his hand over his face.
“Yeah, that’s what Ray said.” Mikey said, checking his phone for the time. “You feeling okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I feel fine.” Gerard said, looking over at Ray and actually seeing him this time. The curls around his face, the soft smile, Fuck, he'd missed that.
“Alright.” Mikey murmured. “We didn’t even have to tell Brian about this.”
“I know, it’s great.” Frank said, turning towards Mikey who showed him his phone, and what time it was. “Perfect timing, we do have to go.”
“Oh really?” Gerard asked, watching as Mikey grabbed his bag and Frank headed towards the door. Someone was going to have to tell Brian eventually, but he didn't want it to be him.
“Yep,” Frank was smiling so softly that Gerard had a good idea of what was happening, “We have a date tonight.”
Mikey didn’t say anything, smiling faintly, clearly trying to hide that he was as if Gerard was stupid. He didn’t even get to pretend to threaten Frank before the two of them left, and Gerard looked towards Ray, who looked as tired as Gerard had felt before they switched back to their bodies. Moving towards Ray, he wrapped his arms around him, pulling him down with him. Ray buried his face in Gerard's neck, and Gerard basked in the warmth coming from him. Fuck, it was so nice to be back to normal.
“Y'know, We should go on a date soon. It’s been a while.” Ray murmured against his neck.
Gerard hummed, “It has been a while, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah, maybe we can go to that steakhouse.” Ray murmured.
“Oh, that sounds nice.” Gerard murmured, moving his hand to mess with Ray's hair, absentmindedly fixing his curls, and twirling them around his finger.
“I have a question.” Ray said.
“Hm?”
“Can you smell the difference between blood types?” Ray asked.
“Yeah, y’know, you didn’t tell me that steak tastes like that to you.” Gerard answered.
“I told you that it tastes good,” Ray replied, “You just have different taste buds.”
“Alright, well, I think that a date soon sounds nice.” Gerard murmured. “Nights are getting longer too so we could even go at a normal time.”
“We could.” Ray agreed, pausing for a moment. “Mikey told me that it’s near seven before you woke up. Do you want to order pizza and watch shitty horror movies?”
“Oh absolutely.” Gerard grinned, pressing his face into Ray's hair.
“That does require getting up though.” Ray murmured.
Gerard didn’t answer or let go of Ray, instead choosing to hold him tighter, not wanting to get up just yet. Pizza may have been one of the few human foods that didn’t make him nauseous, but right now holding Ray was more important. The warmth was more important.
“I love you so much.” Gerard whispered into Ray's hair.
“Love you too.” Ray whispered back. “Now are you going to let me go or am I going to have to drag us both to the couch?”
“Just a few more minutes.” Gerard murmured.
Ray sighed, but curled up closer to Gerard, “Fine, but I’m asking for ham.”
“I’ll break up with you.” He threatened.
“Sure, sweetheart.” Ray muttered, a grin in his voice.
“I’m serious-”
“Alright, Honey, whatever you say.”
“You’re horrible, and I hate you.”
“Love you too.”
A beat.
“Can we at least get it from the place that’ll mix the sauce with blood?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Love you, baby.”
“Love you.”