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Kyle was holding hands with Kenny when he glanced around, noticing the absence of a certain boy in a red poofball hat.
“I wonder why Stan hasn’t shown up yet. He’s usually quicker than Cartman.” Kyle pointed out. Kenny nodded in agreement, while Cartman was clearly trying to act like he didn’t give a fuck.
As if on cue, Stan came strolling to the bus stop, an annoyed expression on this face. Everyone else exchanged glances, looking at Stan with confusion.
“Oh my god! I think I hate that asshole more than I hate every other adult!” He exclaimed. He put his hands in his jacket pockets and stood next to Kyle, who was giving him a concerned glance.
“Uhh, dude, what happened?” He asked. “And who are you talking about?”
“Bob White! I’ve been openly gay for, like, a while, and this dickhead comes to my house and yells at my mom for ‘raising a queer son’! He also told my dad to man up! Which, I agree, but fuck him! Coming to my house and basically telling me I can’t live my life!”
“What!? He can’t do that! You need to tell someone, dude!”
“Tell who, the police? No. I’m not trusting a single adult. It’s already bad enough that one thinks he can just come to my house!”
Cartman finally cut in, a smug expression on his face. “Nah, you need to take this a step further. Get him back.”
Stan looked at Cartman once he spoke. He was about to question how he would possibly do that..
Then, he had an idea.
He didn’t know where it came from, but it was the only one he got. So, might as well, right?
“..Yeah. I think I will,” he said, glancing back at the street with a slightly mischievous expression on his face.
In response, both Kyle and Kenny shot a look towards Cartman, who just shrugged and smiled.
Of course, he didn’t exactly know what Stan was going to do. Who cares, though.
***
Stan walked through the halls of South Park Elementary, searching for someone.
It didn’t take too long until he finally found who he was looking for: Jason White, the son of Bob White, the one who clearly doesn’t like Bob.
Stan was very familiar with disliking one of his own parents. Randy was definitely better than Bob, but it still sorta counted.
There’s common ground.
Stan also knows Jason is a fan of sports.
More common ground.
This is perfect.
Stan smiled and approached Jason, who was completely unaware of what was going to happen.
“Hey dude,” he said, leaning against Jason’s neighboring locker for some god forsaken reason.
Jason glanced over, surprised at the sudden interaction. Stan had never really spoken to him. He did think he was cool though, so he didn’t really mind.
“Oh, hey,” he said, “what’s up?”
“Nothing really.” Stan casually shrugged. “Just wanted to see if you can hang out later today.”
Jason raised an eyebrow at that. There’s another first. Stan wanting to hang out? Really? Since when? “Uhh.. I’ll have to check with my-”
“No need.”
Stan’s smile grew a little wider, surprising Jason even more.
“But he doesn’t like it if I’m out without his or my mom’s permission.” Jason stated.
“Who cares about him?” Stan asked, slightly tilting his head. “It’d be nice to actually live once in a while without him breathing down your neck.”
Stan took a slight step forward and held both of Jason’s hands, a gesture that was both confusing and flattering to the other Bob hater.
Jason considered what he said, then he sighed.
“Alright.” He said. “I’ll just tell him I’m going to the library to study.”
“Good! See you after school!” Stan smiled. He let go of Jason’s hands, then he walked the other way.
Jason couldn’t help but just watch him walk away. For some reason, that interaction just had him wanting more. He thought Stan was pretty cool, but he didn’t know he was this cool. And he only had a very short conversation with him!
When Stan completely disappeared from Jason’s sight, he turned around and finally went his separate way.
***
Meanwhile, Kyle and Kenny had plans after school as well. They both decided to go to the local ice cream place, even though that’s literally super cliche.
Suddenly, as soon as they sat down, they heard someone else come in. Since Kyle had a view of the door, he was the first to notice…
Stan walking in with Jason..??? What the hell? Since when do they hang out together?
…Wait a minute.
Kyle remembered what Stan said that morning. Bob White was being a dick to him and his family.. And now he’s here with Bob’s son.
“Kenny! Look!” Kyle whispered. He pointed to Stan and Jason, causing Kenny to turn around and look as well.
“What the fuck?” Kenny muttered.
“I think I know what he’s doing. All because Cartman decided to tell him to get back at Bob.”
“Should we intervene?”
Kyle and Kenny continued watching, their eyes following Stan and Jason as they sat down at another booth.
They both noticed that Stan and Jason actually seemed happy. It didn’t look like Stan was meaning to just use him to get back at Bob. Not like that would’ve been like him, anyway.
“They seem fine, surprisingly,” Kyle whispered, “I guess all we really need to look out for is if Stan is going against his own morals. Which, I seriously doubt he would just because someone was an asshole to him.”
***
Over the next few days, Stan and Jason visibly got closer and closer. Bob White also continued to pester Stan, which led to him hanging out with Jason even more. And eventually, Stan and Jason were rarely seen apart.
It was weird for Jason. But of course, he did really enjoy it.
And soon, for both Stan and Jason, it became way more than enjoyment.
About a week after Stan’s plan was made, he found himself in front of Jason’s house with a boombox.
Was it dumb? Yes.
Would it piss off Bob White? Oh, 100%.
Does he care? No.
Stan glanced down at it, then he pressed a button and held it over his head. Some random gay song he found on the internet blared through the speakers as Stan stared right at the window of Jason’s bedroom.
Not even a minute later, the curtains opened, revealing Jason. He was watching with a surprised and happy expression as Stan made direct eye contact with him.
However, this meant that Bob White had also noticed the music blaring outside. He opened the front door and glared at Stan. But, Stan didn’t dare to glare back.
“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” Bob shouted. Though, all he got was ignorance from both Stan and Jason.
Eventually, when the song ended, Stan put the boombox back down and turned it off. He looked over at Bob, who was absolutely livid. In response, Stan pressed two buttons on the boombox, repeating and looping the song.
He flipped Bob off, then ran away, snickering to himself as he did.
***
As the rest of the day went on, Stan heard nothing from Jason. Not surprising. Stan knew that Bob got mad, and told him to stay in. Maybe he planned to handle it later.
Stan also knew that he won over Jason. He saw his face. If someone you’re not into just shows up to your house and poorly serenades you, you’d be confused. Maybe a little annoyed.
But Jason? Stan saw the smile creep up on his face. The relief that he suppressed in front of Bob.
That’s revenge. Maybe if Bob didn’t fuck with his life, he wouldn’t fuck with his.
However, he isn’t being totally evil. No, throughout this entire fiasco.. Stan realized that he actually did feel something for Jason. It just needed a push.
Suddenly, a knock on his window broke him out of his thoughts. Stan glanced over, his eyes meeting with a certain unfortunate son of Bob White. He smiled, standing up on his bed and opening the window.
“Hey, I had to sneak out. My dad wouldn’t want me leaving, not after earlier,” Jason said, slinging his other leg over and landing on Stan’s bed. “He’s a total spaz, I’m sorry about him.”
Stan shrugged. “It’s fine, I lived my whole life dealing with spazzes.”
“I can tell, you’re really calm when my dad decides to show himself and get amped up about something.”
“I have patience, somehow.”
Stan shut his window, then looked over at Jason.
“You know what would piss your dad off even more?” Stan asked.
Jason raised an eyebrow. “What would?”
“If we share the same feelings.”
Stan held both of his hands. “If you know what I mean.”
Jason’s eyes slightly widened in surprise. Wait… Was this really happening?
He smiled.
“I.. think I do.” He said.
“Good, that makes this easier then.” Stan said. “Jason, I..-”
The front doorbell rang, followed by a bunch of sharp and angry knocks, completely taking Stan and Jason out of their little moment.
“..Fuck.” Jason deadpanned. “I think he’s here.”
Stan slightly narrowed his eyes, then he pursed his lips. He knows what to do now.
“We don’t care.” He said simply.
Jason blinked. “We?”
“Yes, we. Because we hate Bob, and we don’t care what he thinks.”
Stan glanced at the direction of his door.
“He can call me a fag,” he said, “but wait until he sees what this ‘fag’ is doing with his fucking son.”
Before Jason could respond, Stan quickly took him by the hand and basically yanked him off the bed. Somehow, he didn’t even stumble. He landed on his feet, then allowed himself to be dragged by an eager Stan.
They came to a full stop at the bottom of the steps, greeted by Stan’s dad, who was staring right at the beginning of yet another berating session by the town’s degenerate.
Bob opened his mouth..
Then saw Stan and Jason, holding hands. Jason looked awkward, but Stan’s brow was furrowed, paired with a mischievous smile.
“Hey!” He shouted. “Who’s the fag NOW, asshole!?”
Randy jumped at the sudden voice, turning around. He was surprised by what Stan was doing, but gave a sheepish thumbs up in response.
Meanwhile, Bob looked like he wanted to strangle Stan.
“Excuse me! What the fuck are you doing to my son!?” He shouted. “I can’t believe you brainwashed him!”
Stan stuck his tongue out. “I’m dating your son now! Yeah, how's it feel, huh?? Look at us! We’re happier than you and your failing marriage you piece of shit! You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to have Jason put gay flags everywhere, and we’re replacing all of your photos with photos of us!”
Jason looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.
“Wait, what?” He whispered
“Trust the process,” Stan said, turning and patting him on the back with his other hand.
“You- I’ll-” Bob stammered. “You’re such a fag!”
That’s pretty much all he had to say. Once he was finished seething to himself, he turned and stormed away, leaving Randy to shut the door behind him.
Stan turned back and smiled.
Mission accomplished.
Good.
“I love you, Jason, tell your dad I said that when you get back home.” Stan said, his voice becoming soft.
“..Uh huh, I will,” Jason uttered, still a bit surprised by what just happened. “..I think I’ll stay here for a while, though.”
Stan glanced at him and smiled. Double great.
..Bob was definitely going to be extra pissed, but who cares. Jason’s actually happy now, and Stan feels like he just won a war.
Who knew revenge would be this awesome?