Chapter Text
[Tape running in the background]
JONATHAN
…Statement ends.
Most people are strongly adverse to cockroaches, and understandably so, but if I’m being honest, given the choice I’d much prefer having to deal with an entire nest of them than a single spi- ghaaaAAAAhh!
JONATHAN - CONT'D
Jesus! Martin! What the hell are you wearing?!
MARTIN
Oh! Oh, I, I’m sorry! I didn’t… Didn’t mean to s-startle you!
JONATHAN
Is that a… Are you wearing a costume?!
MARTIN
Um. Y-yes? Well, it’s erm, it’s Halloween today and-
JONATHAN
Yes, I’m aware what day it is, Martin! But that doesn’t explain why you would-
[Beat.]
JONATHAN – CONT’D
Hang on. [groans] Ohh, please don’t tell me there’s some kind of… event at the Institute.
MARTIN
[laughs awkwardly] I’m afraid so.
JONATHAN
[sighs] Right. Right, thanks for the heads-up. I’ll, uh, I’ll sneak out through the back exit.
MARTIN
[sucks on his teeth] Except, uh…
JONATHAN
What?
MARTIN
I- I was told to, um, to fetch you… I mean… Elias insisted…
JONATHAN
Eli- This is Elias’ doing?!
MARTIN
Mm-hm…
JONATHAN
[moans] Oh, god! And I was expected to what, have predicted there was a costume party and come prepared?
MARTIN
Well, I don’t think costumes are mandatory, actually. Tim and Sasha pretty much forced this one on me.
JONATHAN
But everyone else is wearing costumes, right?
MARTIN
Um, y-yes?
JONATHAN
Brilliant. So either I stick out like a sore thumb, or… I mean, what could I even possibly dress up as?
MARTIN
Erm. I- I don’t know, umm… [genuinely trying to be helpful] S-slender Man…?
[Beat as Jon glares at Martin.]
MARTIN – CONT’D
R-right. Sorry.
JONATHAN
It’s fine.
[grumbles] This is ridiculous! What am I supposed to do, nip over to the stationer’s, get a bag of googly eyes and stick them all over my face?
MARTIN
[snorts] I think they’d fall off immediately. They aren’t made to stick to skin.
Huh. Hang on. Now that you mention it…
[Tape clicks off.]
***
[Tape clicks on.]
SASHA
Tim… Why are you spying on our boss?
TIM
[quietly] Shh. I was worried we’d actually got Martin fired, the way we sent him to the lion’s den. And he wasn’t coming back for a long time… So I figured I’d check.
SASHA
Right. And is he? Getting fired?
TIM
[amused] Not really.
SASHA
Tim Stoker! Either you tell me what’s going on this instant or I’m going to make a noise so profound-
TIM
All right, all right! So, Jon’s sitting on his desk…
SASHA
Wait, on his desk?
TIM
M-hm. And that’s not even the good part! Martin is standing right in front of him, leaning over!
SASHA
Wha- H-hang on. What?!
TIM
And I can tell you they’re looking very snug. Eyes locked on each other and everything. I think Martin has a hand on his cheek, or brushing a strand of his hair away. Ooh! Boss has just caught Martin by the arm… I’m telling you, “fired” is definitely not what our friend is getting tonight!
SASHA
Tim!!
TIM
Erm. Right. Yeah, I should, uh. I should probably stop looking before I see something I can’t unsee.
SASHA
Good call. Now come on, let’s make up an excuse for Elias so they have a bit more time to themselves.
[Tape clicks off.]
***
[Tape clicks on.]
[Martin and Jon speak in soft voices, sitting at close quarters.]
MARTIN
I can’t do it if you don’t hold still.
JONATHAN
I can’t help it, it tickles! Where did you even get all that?
MARTIN
Um. The gents, actually.
JONATHAN
[chuckles] What?
MARTIN
I guess someone was doing their own and then left them behind?
JONATHAN
At least that means I won’t be the only man wearing makeup.
MARTIN
It’s not makeup, it’s face paint! Unless you want me to go and borrow Rosie’s mascara.
JONATHAN
[resigned] If you think it’ll go along with the look…
MARTIN
Erm, I was joking…
JONATHAN
Right.
[Beat.]
JONATHAN – CONT’D
You seem rather… adept at this.
MARTIN
I sometimes do my mum’s makeup. She hasn’t been well these past few years. Of course, it’s not the same as spooky face paint, but I’ve had practice.
[clicks his tongue] Sorry. My arm’s getting tired.
JONATHAN
Right, sorry. Here.
[Rustling of clothes.]
JONATHAN – CONT’D
Is that better?
MARTIN
Um… Y… y-yes?
JONATHAN
[panicked] Oh! Oh, I didn’t- I, erm, I wasn’t… S-sorry! I shouldn’t have… uh, I mean, I… I sh- should’ve… a-asked…
MARTIN
No! No, it’s, it’s fine! I- I don’t mind!
[Beat.]
JONATHAN
You should paint some on yourself, too.
MARTIN
S-sorry?
JONATHAN
You know. Spider, lots of eyes… Actually makes more sense on you than it does on me.
MARTIN
Oh! Yeah, I guess. I’m not sure I know how to paint my own face, though. I suppose I could ask Sasha.
JONATHAN
Or I could give it a try. Mind you, nothing as elaborate as what you’re doing. But I can handle a few black circles.
MARTIN
Um. [warmly] Sure, why not?
[Tape clicks off.]
***
[Tape clicks on.]
[Sounds of a social gathering.]
MARTIN
Why is Tim giving me that weird look?
JONATHAN
[distractedly] No idea.
MARTIN
Um, is something wrong?
JONATHAN
[discontented] The coffee machine’s gone.
MARTIN
Oh yeah. They must’ve moved it somewhere to make room for all the catering.
JONATHAN
Not sure how I’ll survive this whole thing without my caffeine fix.
ELIAS
[cheerfully] Ah! There you are, Jon! Glad you could make it! [amused] Oh! And I see we had the same idea! At least now I know what happened to my paints.
[Tape clicks off.]
***
[Tape clicks on.]
[Sounds of a social gathering.]
TIM
Nice party, huh?
JONATHAN
Um. Sure, I suppose.
TIM
But I gotta say, it was pretty uncanny to see you and Elias with all those eyes. You pulled it off better, though.
JONATHAN
It wasn’t me, actually.
TIM
Oh?
JONATHAN
It, um, it was Martin. Both the idea and the execution.
TIM
Oh. [It dawns on him.] Ohh! So that’s what you were-
JONATHAN
Hm?
TIM
I-it’s nothing. Nothing.
[Beat.]
TIM – CONT’D
You have to admit, he looks adorable in that fluffy spider costume.
JONATHAN
[warmly] Mm. [clears throat] Yes, I- I suppose he’s, uh, well-matched with the levity of the occasion.
TIM
I think he’s coming here.
MARTIN
Hey, Tim! Great costume. The makeup goes really well with the whole romance Dracula vibe!
TIM
Thanks! I normally keep the eyeliner for Friday night outings. And the lipstick’s a remnant from my edgy teen Goth phase. Frankly, I’m surprised it hasn’t expired yet.
MARTIN
But, gosh, Sasha must’ve been planning that Victorian ghost look for weeks. I really admire the dedication.
JONATHAN
It’s interesting how most people seem to have gone with the classics. Vampires, werewolves, ghosts… I mean, with the amount of supernatural nonsense we have stashed all over the Institute, I would’ve thought at least some would draw inspiration from it.
MARTIN
[clicks his tongue] I’m not sure I’d be keen on seeing worm-infested women at the party. Or a human anglerfish. Dealing with all that on a daily basis it quite enough for me.
TIM
[snorts] Picture Elias dressed up as a creepy book!
[Tape clicks off.]