Work Text:
1. Chris texts Eddie with a question.
- Chris
- my friends are online now
- Eddie
- Is your homework done?
- Chris
- it will be
- Eddie
- No video games until it's done.
- Chris
- k
- what are you going as for halloween this year
- Eddie
- I’m not sure yet. Why?
- Chris
- wondering if you were planning on continuing with your theme
- Eddie
- I wasn’t aware I had a theme…?
- Chris
- oh you have a theme
- Eddie
- All right, then. What’s my theme?
- Chris
- what do all the following things have in common
- exhibit 1
- exhibit 2
- exhibit 3
- Eddie
- Where are you even finding these?
- And why do they all have that filter?
- Chris
- all will become clear
- exhibit 4
- exhibit 5
- exhibit 6
- Eddie
- Okay, that one’s not even a Halloween costume.
- Chris
- but it helps prove my point so
- do you see the theme yet
- Eddie
- Absolutely not.
- Chris
- well i think this last one really pulls it all together
- Eddie
- ???
- I’m confused.
- Chris
- Eddie
- Chris.
- Are you trying to tell me something?
- Chris
- ALL YOUR HALLOWEEN COSTUMES ARE GAY
- Eddie
- First: It’s not nice to yell at people, even over text.
- Second: I’m pretty sure it’s not okay to call things gay.
- Chris
- 🙄
- thats only if youre using it as an insult
- its okay if its true
- Eddie
- I wear normal Halloween costumes.
- Chris
- normal gay halloween costumes
- Eddie
- How are any of those gay?
- Chris
- you want the list?
- okay
- 1 - youre literally obsessed with the guy in that movie, like OBSESSED
- 2 - this one has a muscle suit
- 3 - i dont want to get grounded so i wont say it
- 4 - i mean... youve watched these movies. very gay
- 5 - werewolves are literally queer coded
- 6 - aliens. probes. need i go on
- 7 - i think this one speaks for itself
- Eddie
- All right, that's enough.
Chris
Today
2. Eddie seeks out a second opinion from Hen.
- Eddie
- Do you think I wear gay Halloween costumes?
- Hen
- Good morning to you, too
- Eddie
- I'm serious.
- Chris thinks I do.
- Hen
- Okay
- How do I put this
- Hold on, I need to consult my advisor
- Hen
- My official statement is: No comment
- Eddie
- Great.
- Thanks.
- Hen
- You're so welcome
- Hen
- Sorry, I have to ask
- Is this about the werewolf costume?
- Eddie
- Et tu, Brute?
Hen
Today
3. Eddie has a costume idea.
- Eddie
- What if I go as a cowboy?
- That's not gay.
- Chris
- um
- sorry trying to figure out how going as the cowboy from brokeback mountain is somehow not gay
- Eddie
- Okay, the existence of Brokeback Mountain does not make all cowboys gay.
- Chris
- you just don't get it
- Eddie
- Buck was a cowboy last year, and he's not gay. He's bi.
- Chris
- mmm
- kind of feels like youre proving my point
- Eddie
- How's that homework going?
Chris
Today
4. Eddie needs Buck's help.
- Eddie
- Buck.
- Buck
- Eddie
- Buck
- Do you have a question
- Or did you just want to say my name
- Eddie
- I need help.
- Buck
- Ok
- Eddie
- What would you say makes a Halloween costume gay?
- Buck
- Um
- Huh
- Not what I was expecting
- I guess like... sexy costumes are pretty gay??
- Or dressing up as a gay character
- Idk
- Why?
- Eddie
- So if you saw a guy dressed up sexy for Halloween, you would assume he was gay?
- Buck
- I wouldn't ASSUME
- He might be bi
- Or he just spends a lot of time in the gym
- But yeah, gay would come to mind
- And again... why??
- Eddie
- I'm going to send you some pictures, and I need you to tell me how gay they are on a scale of 0-10.
- Objectively.
- Buck
- This is a weird game.
- Eddie
- So you're in?
- Buck
- Obviously
- Eddie
- First one.
- Buck
- 3, I guess
- Eddie
- Really?
- I thought that one would get at least a 6.
- Buck
- Meh, lacks creativity
- Eddie
- Okay, what about this one?
- Buck
- Ooo
- 9
- Eddie
- Sorry
- What?
- Buck
- They look very strong
- And capable
- 😏
- Also, werewolves are very queer coded, so that ups the gay score
- Eddie
- Did Chris tell you to say that?
- Buck
- Huh?
- Eddie
- Never mind.
- Well, I was trying to establish a baseline, but clearly I don't understand your taste in men.
- Maybe this is stupid.
- Buck
- No, I'm getting into it now! What's the next one?
Buck
Today
5. Back to Chris.
- Eddie
- Can you send me those photos you found of my costumes?
- Chris
- with or without the gay pride overlay
- Eddie
- The what?
- I thought the gay pride flag was rainbow.
- Chris
- you have so much to learn
- Eddie
- All right, enough with the snark.
- Send me the photos and I'll let you stay up an extra hour all weekend.
- Chris
- hour and a half
- Eddie
- One hour. And I won't ask you about homework until Sunday night.
- Chris
- deal
Chris
Today
6. Eddie has a few more costumes for Buck to rate.
- Eddie
- Buck
- Is this a trick question
- Eddie
- Why?
- Buck
- Because that one's you
- Eddie
- Just rate it.
- Buck
- 10
- Eddie
- Really?
- Buck
- What? Kurt Russell is really hot in those movies
- Eddie
- Okay. This one?
- Buck
- Is that a muscle suit?
- Eddie
- Possibly.
- Buck
- Umm 8
- Eddie
- EIGHT??
- Buck
- Oh, is this suddenly not a safe space anymore?
- Eddie
- You think you know someone...
- Buck
- Fuck off
- What's the next one?
- Eddie
- Buck
- Oh
- My
- God
- Is this one you too?!?
- Eddie
- Rating first.
- Buck
- 9
- Eddie
- I don't feel like you're taking this seriously.
- Buck
- Eddie, I would never joke about Andy Samberg.
- Eddie
- You're the worst person I know.
- Buck
- Now this one I know is you
- 10
- Eddie
- Buck
- 10
- Smash
- Eddie
- 🖕
- Buck
- I literally took this picture
- 10
- Eddie
- Eddie
- ...Buck?
Buck
Today
7. Buck texts Maddie.
- Buck
- HELP
- SOS
- EMERGENCY
- 911
- Maddie
- 911. What's the cause of your overreaction?
- Buck
- So Eddie
- Maddie
- Oh boy
- Buck
- He started texting me pictures of Halloween costumes and asking me to rate them on a scale of 0 to gay.
- Maddie
- Wow. You finally did it
- Buck
- DID WHAT
- Maddie
- You managed to surprise me
- So what caused the panic spiral
- Buck
- He started sending me pictures of his Halloween costumes
- Maddie
- ...
- Okay, I'll bite. What did you rate them?
- Buck
- 8
- 9
- Mostly 10s
- WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO
- HE LOOKS HOT IN EVERYTHING AND MY FEELINGS FOR HIM ARE VERY GAY
- Maddie
- Okay
- First things first
- Let's take a breath
Maddie
Today
8. Eddie talks to Chris.
- Eddie
- How did you know?
- Chris
- know what
- Eddie
- That I'm gay?
- Chris
- youre gay?
- this is my shocked face
- 😐
- Eddie
- Okay, pause. I think we should talk about this in person, not just over text.
Chris
Today
9. Buck finally replies to Eddie.
- Eddie
- Buck
- Sorry
- Had to handle a family emergency
- Not an emergency
- Everyone's fine
- Especially me
- I'm fine
- Sorry
- I'm going to rate the costume now
- I think it's a 5
- Right?
- Because half of the people in the picture like guys
- Haha
- Get it?
- ...Eddie?
Buck
Today
10. Eddie has decided on his next costume.
- Eddie
- You rated it wrong.
- Buck
- What?
- Eddie
- But that's okay. I think I figured out my Halloween costume.
- Buck
- Was that what this was about?
- Eddie
- No. This was about Chris thinking all my Halloween costumes are gay.
- Buck
- ???
- Eddie
- Guess he was right, going by your scores.
- Anyway, want to see my costume for this year?
- Buck
- Obviously
- Eddie
- Buck
- You're going as yourself??
- Eddie
- I figured I should stick with my theme.
- Buck
- Your theme?
- Eddie
- Of gay Halloween costumes.
- Buck
- Eddie
- EDDie
- EDDIE
- Did you just
- Did you just come out to me over text
- VIA HALLOWEEN COSTUME?!?
- Eddie
- Unless you'd rather do another couples costume?
- Buck
- KDOALKDJDKSLKAHAHD KLDLFKDHSAKSLLDFLD
- EDDIE
- WHAT THE AHDLFUCK
- I'm coming over
- Kshsmdllss
- Stay right there
- Eddie
- Not going anywhere, Buck.
- 💖