Work Text:
They’re in the car, and the wind is blowing through Wille’s hair through the open window, sun warming his skin gently. His arm is around Simon, whose head rests on Wille’s shoulder, his curls tickling Wille’s cheek.
Wille has never been so happy. Weeks, months of tumultuous emotions, whirlpools of misery sucking him down a vortex, short intense bursts of happiness making him giddy, before it would all be ripped away from him again. But this happiness, this elation, is different. It feels solid, tangible and long-lasting. He’s done what he knew needed to be done. Perhaps he had known it all along, somewhere deep down, that abdication was the only course for him. For his own sake, for his own wellbeing, his own soul, leaving everything behind was what he needed to do.
Simon gives a little hum, looking up at Wille with his sunshine smile, and Wille smiles back, his heart swelling. He could cry. Again. Simon was right there, at his side, and he wasn’t going anywhere. And Wille wasn’t going anywhere, either. Not anymore. Nothing is there between them, no outside force trying to drag them apart. It’s all worth it. Of course, he’d have rather gone without the suffering and the breakdowns, the fear of losing himself entirely, the fear of losing Simon. But without all of that, he’d never have learned…anything. He’d never have found himself, who he was, what he deserved and how to go about it all.
And because of the suffering, the trials and tribulations, he had learned. And Simon had been there, watching, mostly, but stepping in to gently guide and help Wille whenever things got too much. But the night of Wille’s birthday, Simon had stepped back, he had stepped away, to protect himself, as much as Wille. Wille understands, now. He never thought he would, but he does.
“I love you,” Simon murmurs quietly into Wille’s ear. Wille sighs contentedly, and closes his eyes.
Wille closes his eyes, and all sound around him suddenly stops. He’s floating, he can’t feel Simon against him anymore, can’t feel the slightly uncomfortable seat of the car, can’t feel the hum of the engine, the wind through the window. Silence. Complete, utter, nothingness.
But Wille doesn’t panic. Somehow, he doesn’t panic. He doesn’t know what is happening, but he stays…calm.
And then, a tugging in his stomach, behind his navel, and there’s the sensation of being pulled backwards at great speed. His head spins, body out of his control, feeling like nothing more than an insignificant rag doll being pulled by the universe.
Suddenly there’s noise around him again, and Wille sucks in a deep breath through his nose, trying to ground himself, heart pounding.
Wille opens his eyes.
Simon is there, right in front of him. They’re crouched behind an embankment. There’s a glow-stick halo in Simon’s curls. Angelic. In the distance, Wille hears August yelling something. But it’s irrelevant, annoying, Wille couldn’t care about anything he says.
Simon stares at Wille, a slightly panicked, searching expression on his face, eyes flickering over Wille’s face desperately, trying to find some meaning in Wille’s actions. Wille doesn’t really know what he’s just done, either. His palm still feels warm, from when it had clamped over Simon’s mouth in a last-ditch attempt to muffle his mocking cries of his name to give away his location to August.
Wille can’t help but feel like he’s been here before. Deja vu. The feeling that one has already experienced the present situation. He’s heard of it previously, but never really thought much of it, let alone believed it. But here, with Simon, he can’t help but feel…something familiar.
He feels it again, that night in the corridor, sitting on the window sill, when Simon first kisses him. There’s a feeling in his gut, that pursuing anything with Simon could be hard, would test him beyond anything he’s ever experienced, but he does it anyway. He feels deja vu when Simon tells him that he hopes he has a nice Christmas, and again when they meet at the party after the break, locking eyes across a room full of people. Wille has lived it before. He can’t help but feel like he knows the risks, the potential consequences, but he pushes through anyway. Against all odds, Wille determinedly pushes through. He goes through the highs and the lows, the good and bad, knowing that fate will bring him his proper ending, the one he knows is coming, he can sense it.
Wille suffers the heartbreak. He revels in the joy. He’s felt it all before, but he feels it again, like the first time, over and over. Because he loves Simon. And, against all odds, he knows it will work out.
And it does. Wille follows his gut, follows that string of fate that leads him back to Simon. He unties the knot that binds him to the path he does not want, and frees himself.
They’re in the car, Sara’s car, heading who knows where. Simon is pressed against Wille, head on his shoulder, and Wille holds him tightly.
“I love you,” Simon murmurs into Wille’s ear.
Wille smiles, and closes his eyes, sighing contentedly.
“I love you too,” he whispers, as he opens his eyes.