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Shadow hates it. He hates it so damn much.
With a grunt, he shifts his weight to the foot that hurts the least and leans against the hallway wall using his hand and shoulder for support. The hybrid’s dark black fur splays against the beige color of the wall, and there’s a faint scratching noise as his quills drag along the smooth surface with each unsteady step he takes. He makes an effort to keep his labored breath in check, not daring to alert his… babysitter that he’s awake, but he can’t help the small hisses of pain that slip out when he puts too much pressure on his bad ankle.
One chaos blast. That’s all it took for Shadow to have a relapse. These flare-ups have been happening more frequently with how much he’s been pushing himself in fights. But, he can’t just stop and allow his friends and partner to make all the sacrifices. It’s not fair. They weren’t built to handle the same stress that he can. He was built as a weapon. He was built to be used. To protect. He’s better than this.
The weakened agent is able to make it to the kitchen before the tremors settle into his legs and hands. He takes the victory while he can and stubbornly pushes off the wall and moves towards the fridge, feeling the blood pool in his feet with each independent step. The jolt of the cold metal handle touching his sweating palms brings a tiny rush of clarity, and, just as he prepares to tug the door open, there’s a slight gust of air that chills his disheveled fur.
“Shads?” A familiar voice echoes from behind, but Shadow can’t quite place a name to it. The thought of the color blue fills his foggy mind as dark spots blotch the stainless steel of the refrigerator, and suddenly he feels as if the ground has shifted under his left foot. “What are you doing-” The person’s voice is drowned out by loud ringing and-
Falling
He’s falling
Handle
He can’t find the
“It’s… I don’t… He…” The voice is too far away. Pink.
“... S’fine… we all…” Someone else? Blue.
It’s dark. What? Where…?
Slowly, Shadow opens his eyes and blinks. He nearly regrets the action as the books across the room blend into a strange amalgamation of color and cause his stomach to swirl into an equally unsettling sensation. Ironically, he finds he doesn’t have to focus on the feeling for long as pain shoots up his right side, and he realizes his nervous system has kicked back into gear. The hybrid laments his previous state, opting to take the horrid nausea over the constant pain, and tries to drag his leaded limbs closer to his body.
It’s when the recovering agent finally curls up into that one position that eases some of the pain that his unpinned ear twitches and he recognizes there’s people talking right outside the bedroom door. He finds it hard to focus on so many things at once, so he opts to close his eyes and block out the foggy view of wrinkled blankets and tossed pillows.
“Seriously, Ames,” Sonic softly reassures. “Don’t feel so bad about it. He’s sneaky. I’ve been fighting with him all weekend. I figured he’d try something the minute I was out. It’s just how he is.”
“I know, but…” The heavy guilt in Amy’s voice causes Shadow's throat to go tight. “I just wish he’d see that it isn’t pity. I don’t think he’s weak. I just- I just don’t want him to suffer alone. It hurts seeing him like this. Fighting and tearing himself apart more.”
“I know, Amy. I know. Trust me. We’ve had this fight multiple times.” Sonic sighs. “It’s just how he was raised- Well,” the hero’s tone takes a growing edge, “more like conditioned. Damn assholes… You can’t blame him for it. We just gotta be patient. Work with him. Not against. Gaia knows he’s fighting himself enough right now. I can’t imagine what’s going on in his mind…”
There’s a soft hum from Amy and both hedgehogs go quiet for a moment.
Shadow isn’t sure what’s said next due to another random throb of pain in his right calf, but when the sharpness finally fades into a dull ache, he hears footsteps at the end of the bed and soon feels a dip in the mattress at his curled feet.
“Hey, I’m gonna fix us something to eat.” Sonic’s voice is firm and almost demanding. It makes Shadow’s ears press flat and he keeps his eyes screwed shut. “What can you handle?”
The spiked ball of fur and quills doesn’t move or respond. He finds he can’t. He knows Sonic took this tone because it forces him into a decision. Suggestions are too overwhelming, and they usually break out into a fight when Shadow says he’s not hungry. But, the guilt, the shame, the frustration he’s currently feeling all paralyze the hybrid and cause a deep, uncomfortable burning sensation in his chest. He can only shake and tremble as he becomes overwhelmed by his own thoughts.
Sonic shouldn’t have to do this. Amy shouldn’t have to worry so much. They should be out doing what they want. Not stuck here, not trapped in this hell that’s all his-
“Shadow?” The bed dips closer to Shadow’s feet. “Hey, Shads.” Sonic’s tone grows worried, but the agent barely registers it as a choked sob escapes him. “What’s wrong? Baby, talk to me.” A hand is wedging his past his flared quills, and he feels fingers gently start to cup his muzzle. “Please.”
Slowly, gently, Shadow’s head is coaxed out of his ball and guided to look up at his concerned partner. Two warm hands frame his jaw, giving support to his pained neck, and he has to blink away the tears from his eyes before he can even begin to make out the bright green eyes peering down at him.
“I- Too much,” the hybrid hiccups. “You’re doing too much. I don’t- don’t deserve-“
“But you do,” Sonic quickly interjects. “You deserve so much more, baby. Do you know how strong you hafta be to do the things you do? You’re fighting so many battles by yourself, babe. You never let us fight alone, so why should we let you do the same? Huh?” The blue hedgehog carefully shifts and settles down next to his partner, but his right hand never leaves Shadow’s cheek. “You tellin’ me to stop is like me tellin’ you to stop. Neither one of us is ever gonna listen to that kind of advice, so don’t even think about trying to push me away again.”
“I’m not-“ the hybrid hiccups. “I don’t mean…” He tips his head and buries his face into Sonic’s palm, trying to selfsoothe his racing thoughts and focus on anything but the pain coursing through his muscles.
“It’s’okay. I know you don’t like being seen like this… But,” a warmth presses up against Shadow’s body, and he feels Sonic’s quills slide and click against his own, “think about that time when I had that broken foot. You were nagging me about using my crutches the whole time… I was so pissed about it, but eventually I gave in. Remember?” The hybrid gives a small nod. “We all have to take a knee at some point. Even Ultimate Lifeforms need to rest. It’s part of being alive.”
Dark earns turn down, and shame bubbles deep in the exhausted hedgehog’s gut, but he finds that he can’t argue with his lover’s reasoning.
Honestly, Sonic is right. The hybrid will be a hypocrite if he doesn’t let the stubborn hero return the favor. They’ve both experienced weakness in their own ways, and Shadow doesn’t have anything to prove by playing pretend. He knows his own capabilities, he knows how far he’s come after so many years of pain and turmoil… He shouldn’t feel so ashamed for needing help. He doesn’t expect Rouge, Sonic or Amy to feel shame when they need him, so why should he?
Taking a shaky breath, the hybrid decides to stop hiding and finally look at his annoyingly reasonable partner. “… Stew,” he croaks out. “But, use my recipe.” He takes another heavy breath, shifting his hands and attempting to push up on the bed. “And, juice… Pickle juice.”
Sonic quickly slips his hands under Shadow’s ribs and forearm, and the hybrid gives a soft sigh of relief at the extra support as he maneuvers to lay on his back. Once settled, he’s greeted with the sight of a soft smile and absolutely melts into the pillows behind him when a kiss is placed on his forehead.
“Need anything adjusted before I go cook, handsome?” the hero coos.
Reflexively, Shadow shakes his head. But, as Sonic pulls away, he quickly pipes up, “Back. Back pillow… please.”
The way Sonic’s eyes light up strikes the hybrid’s heart harder than he would ever expect, and he finds himself frozen as he’s carefully pulled forward into peach chest fur. He barely even registers the pillow being slid behind his lower back because his mind is too focused on the sound of his lover’s excitable heartbeat.
Sonic’s happy. He’s actually happy to do this. It reminds the hybrid of when he would take care of Maria… How his ability to just be there for her was enough to make some of the pain more bearable… How it brought comfort to both of them to know they could rely on each other when they needed it most.
Chaos, he’s an idiot. A stubborn idiot.
“Alright,” Sonic coos. “Gonna lay you back now. If you need anything else-“
“I love you.”
The sudden admittance from Shadow seems to startle his partner, muscles coiling tight under peach and blue fur, but a loud chuckle rings out just a few seconds after and a gentle purr rumbles against the agent’s cheek.
“I love you too, Shads. Just take it easy for me, ‘kay?” Claws gently run through the sensitive fur between Shadow’s shoulder blades and he gives a small nod in return.
“‘Kay…”
“Good. I’m gonna lay you back now.” And true to his word, Sonic carefully leans forward, keeping most of Shadow’s own body weight against himself until the pained hedgehog is properly settled against his pillows. He adds reverently, “If you need me, yell,” before pulling away and leaving Shadow to tip his head back and close his eyes.
“I will,” the agent hums, “Promise.”