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It was no secret that Shadow was a spectacular baker. The best on the island if you were to ask Sonic his (objectively correct) opinion.
It was handy that baking happened to be one of the darker hedgehog’s favourite hobbies because it meant that the hero got to gorge himself on Shadow’s delicious creations almost all the time.
By far his favourite thing that Shadow made was lemon lavender cookies. Shadow claimed he made the recipe himself, and he flat-out refused to give it out to anyone, keeping it under the heaviest of wraps. Amy had even attempted a stealth mission to try and acquire the recipe from Shadow, which failed miserably.
Shadow wouldn’t even bake the cookies in the presence of someone else. He’d locked Sonic out of his house several times because he was baking and couldn’t be disturbed, upon penalty of I’ll-beat-you-up.
Sonic really should have been more hurt that his own boyfriend didn’t trust him with a fucking cookie recipe, but the cookies were so damn good it was hard to be mad about anything once you ate them.
“Honestly, Shads, I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me you put cocaine in these cookies,” Sonic joked through a mouthful of cookie.
“Don’t stuff yourself full of cookies. We are supposed to have dinner soon, you idiot,” Shadow scolded with far too little malice in his voice for Sonic to care.
He was lounging on Shadow’s couch watching one of Comedy Chimps’ new specials, while Shadow busied himself in the kitchen.
Dinner had been Shadow’s suggestion. Who would have ever thought that he would be the romantic type?
Sonic had no opposition to dinner other than the fact that Shadow always got all pissy about things being perfect.
He couldn’t have cared less about the table setting, menu, or flower arrangement. All he really cared about was spending uninterrupted time with Shadow. It was rare that they got time together that wasn’t cut short by an unscheduled Eggman attack or Sonic’s friends waltzing in.
“No need to worry,” Sonic assured, stuffing yet another cookie in his mouth, “I habe wike da word's fasteb matabotrism.” Crumbs fell from his mouth as he spoke, much to Shadow’s disgust.
“Chew your damn food before you talk, dumbass.” He grumbled, wiping the crumbs from the couch and catching them in his hand.
As if to prove his point, he grabbed the plate of cookies from the coffee table. “You’ve had enough of these.”
“Hey!” Sonic protested, “I'm a growing boy! I need to eat, Shadow.”
Shadow huffed; it could almost be mistaken for a laugh. “The only way you are growing is in pant size,” he joked, stashing the cookies away in one of the overhead cupboards.
“Well, it's a good thing I don't wear pants, isn't it?”
Sonic thought this response was really witty, but Shadow clearly didn't agree, as he banged his head against the cabinet door in frustration. “Just shut up and watch whatever filth is on TV while I finish dinner,” the darker hedgehog said, grabbing a handful of seasonings from the counter beside him.
“Yes, sir,” Sonic joked, throwing up a little salute.
~
Comedy Chimps' special was, if he was being honest, shit. That was no surprise. Mostly everything on TV was trash, even though he would never admit that to Shadow. He had fought so hard to try and convince him that TV wasn’t all “filthy, mind-numbing bullshit,” as he’d so gently put it.
Sonic would still stand by his word, though; not everything on TV was awful. Some of it was really good, in fact. Like his interviews, or clips of him racing…really anything related to him was good. And it would just be really mean if Shadow disagreed; they were dating, after all—as if that had ever stopped them from fighting.
At least dinner smelled good, and Shadow looked good cooking. He always looked good (obviously), but Sonic liked it most when Shadow relaxed for a little while and did basic normal everyday things.
If seeing Shadow do domestic things made him feel some kinda way, well, that was his business and no one else’s (and it would stay that way…god, could you imagine the fanfiction??) But beyond Sonic’s potential housewife kink, Shadow always looked more at peace when he did small mundane tasks.
… And Sonic loved nothing more than to disturb that peace.
He couldn't really say he “snuck up” on Shadow; no one could. It wasn’t possible, but he could say that Shadow let him at least pretend to do so, and nobody else could say that! Sonic 500887, rest of the world: 0!
He wrapped his arms around Shadow's waist and rested his head on the darker hedgehog's shoulder. If it weren't for the fact that they were hedgehogs, this position would probably look quite natural and romantic, but in this case it looked a bit awkward. At least it probably did from an outside, non-hedgehog, perspective. Sonic was more to Shadow’s side than anything else, and the way his head was positioned craned his neck kinda weird.
Mobian hedgehogs just had to deal with these kinds of setbacks; it was one of the ways that nature evened out the score. Quills were great at protecting a guy but definitely caused some serious drawbacks in more intimate situations.
“What's looking good cooking?” he joked.
Shadow let out a deep breath. If you squinted and went deaf in one ear, you could almost mistake it for a laugh or even a giggle. It was short-lived; Shadow went right back to being his stoic self within a matter of seconds.
“You mean ‘What's cooking, good-looking?’” he corrected, never looking away from the pan in front of him.
“Did I?” The hero teased, “Pretty confident in your good looks, huh? You think you're good-looking, Shads?”
As he said before, Shadow was good-looking. It was impossible to deny. Even before they started going out, when they fought all the time and Shadow was really douchey, Sonic still thought he was stunning. Especially when he was all roughed up afterwards.
“I should hope I am.” Shadow retorted, prying himself free from Sonic's hold to busy himself with a cutting board on the opposite counter. “If not, I would suggest getting your eyes checked, as it's you who is always going on about how ‘pretty’ I am.” While Sonic may not have been able to see his partner's face, he could sense the eye roll that came with the response.
“Nah, I’m perfect, and that counts for my vision too.” Sonic leaned against the countertop lazily, checking Shadow out. “I see in, like, 50/50 vision or whatever.” And thank god for that, because Shadow in an apron was one of the top reasons Sonic was thankful for having eyes.
“20/20 vision.”
“Nah, mine's 50/50. I'm just that much better.”
Their halfhearted bickering continued throughout most of Shadow’s dinner prep. Shadow pretended to be annoyed when Sonic said something dumb or dipped his hand in the sauce for a taste, but it was all show, and the blue hedgehog knew this.
Shadow was, once you got to know him, all bark and no bite… unless you gave him something to actually bite about.
Like spilling the sauce he had spent 40 minutes making all over him, which is precisely what Sonic did.
He obviously didn't mean to. He had just been grabbing a finger lick at the exact moment that Shadow had turned around to add more salt to it and bumped Sonic's arm, sending the sauce toppling to the ground and all over Shadow and the kitchen.
The sauce wasn't boiling anymore, thank God!
Shadow stood in a state of what could only be described as shock for a solid minute before turning to fully face Sonic and lunging at him with the velocity of a fucking missile.
“Shadow!” he screeched, dodging the attack. “It was an accident! I'm sorry!”
Shadow didn't seem to hear his boyfriend's pleas for mercy as he chased after him. What would he do if he caught him? Who knew? (Well actually, Sonic did know; he just reeeally didn’t want to think about it.)
Eventually Shadow did come to his senses and realized that chasing the fastest creature alive over some spilt marinara just wasn't worth the fight. He stopped, opting for glaring daggers at the blue menace instead.
“You.” He pointed at Sonic accusingly. “You are cleaning up my fucking kitchen and going to buy dinner. I am going to take a shower, and I expect dinner on the table and plated nicely when I get out.”
Sonic gulped. He wasn't scared of Shadow per se, but he was certainly intimidating when he was angry. “Yeah. Yep, cool, sounds good,” he said hurriedly, making his way to the exit before Shadow changed his mind and stabbed him instead.
“Real food,” the dark hedgehog clarified, “None of that meh burger bullshit you and your simpleton friends call food.”
Sonic was going to argue; he normally would. Meh burger was awful, but it was cheap, and he liked it no matter how bad… Today, however, was not the day to pick fights with his very particular partner over food. So instead, Sonic nobly accepted defeat and took off to find some form of restaurant that would make Shadow almost forgive him.
~
There were truthfully zero drawbacks to being the fastest thing alive. Not one single time has Sonic ever wished to slow down… He does, however, wish that the rest of the world would speed up.
He wasn’t pressed for time when he left Shadow’s place, and he didn’t feel the need to hurry. Shadow was notorious for his long-ass showers. Sonic was positive that he would have enough time to whip out, grab some kind of appropriate date night meal, plate it, and still have time to clean the kitchen before his broody boyfriend even finished scrubbing his quills… What he failed to account for in his master plan was that the rest of the world didn’t function at Mach 6.
He had been to 6 restaurants thus far, and every single one had said that he would be waiting about 30 mins for food… which was just too long!
Shadow had been very clear with his instructions on what kind of food not to get, but he didn’t really give any hints on what to get; this left Sonic feeling quite lost.
Originally they were gonna have homemade pizzas… So his first thought was pizza, naturally.
The problem, he discovered, is that homemade pizza is romantic and corporate pizza isn’t…for some reason?
How he discovered this? Simple. Amy told him.
As he walked into the pizza place, he caught himself face-to-face with the pink hedgehog.
“Sonic!” She said gleefully. “What are you doing here? I thought you had dinner plans.”
“Heya Ames! I did have dinner plans, and I technically still do, but I fucked up some of the cooking aspect, and I have now been sent to grab appropriate replacement food,” he explained hurriedly.
Amy raised an eyebrow before glancing at the menu board and then back to Sonic.
“So… why are you here? Isn’t pizza a bit casual for his taste?” She left out Shadows’ name for a few reasons: 1. Sonic and Shadow were celebrities of sorts, and having a relationship go fully public is a fucking nightmare, and 2. She was probably still jealous and still hadn’t fully accepted it… Don’t tell her that, though.
He fiddled with the bandana at his neck. “We were gonna do homemade pizza, but I spilled the sauce,” he admitted.
“Sonic. You’re an idiot,” she deadpanned. Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.
“I didn’t mean to spill the fucking sauce!”
Amy sighed deeply, her shoulders hunching slightly as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “Not because of the sauce!” she explained. “Because you think that store-bought pizza is somehow comparable to homemade pizza!”
Sonic tilted his head at her, confused. “Is it not? Pizza is pizza.”
His friend's shoulders hunched even more; seriously, any further and they would have to call her the hunchback of Green Hill. “One is a romantic activity for the two of you to do together that requires effort and time… The other costs $10.80 and takes 4 minutes to make.”
“Well, what do you suggest, oh Romance Master Amy Rose?” he said, bowing sarcastically.
Amy whacked him over the head, hard.
“Ow! Ames, what the fuck!”
“Don't mock me. Especially when I'm trying to help you not get beat up by your food-princess of a boyfriend!” She cocked her hip to the side and crossed her arms. “Don’t just get food that he likes. Get food that means something! Actually use that brain of yours and think about something that would make him feel like you care half as much as he seems to.”
Sonic continued to rub the back of his head as he thought. Shadow was a big baby about food, not that he was a picky eater but more in the fact that he got really pissy about quality. Those massive G.U.N. paychecks had clearly gone to his head and made his taste buds all bougie.
He knew that Shadow’s favourite food was coffee beans…the fucking weirdo that he was; but he didn’t really know what kind of meals would make him feel appreciated.
“He has a massive sweet tooth…” Sonic offered, hoping that Amy could somehow work with that.
“Then be sure to get a dessert with whatever you get,” she giggled as she grabbed some napkins from the dispenser beside her.
“Obviously, but what should I get him for dinner?”
Amy clicked her tongue in disapproval. “How should I know? He’s not my boyfriend,” she shrugged.
He didn’t have time for this. He still needed to clean the kitchen and set the table!
“Ames, please!” he begged. “I’m low on time here, and you know this isn’t my area of expertise!”
She looked at him, judgement washing over her features before she sighed and took pity on the hero in front of her.
“If you were gonna do homemade pizzas,” she whispered, leaning over his shoulder as if it was a big secret, “why don’t you buy a premade one and add your own toppings?”
Sonic’s eyes lit up. “Ames, you’re a genius! I love you! I owe you one!” he yelled back at her as he sped off towards the general store.
~
Shadow wasn’t actually mad at Sonic… Okay, yes, he was, but it wasn’t really about the sauce, not 100% anyway. It was because this always happened! Not this exactly, but every time he planned a date night for the two of them, something went wrong!
“This wouldn’t happen if we just went out to dinner like normal couples!” he said to the bottles lining the shower.
He knew that it was for the best that they maintain a semi-low profile when it came to relationships. Sonic was a hero after all, and Shadow…well, Shadow’s reputation was less than stellar, and as a government agent, it was crucial that he operated subtly.
That didn’t stop him from being upset about it. He knew he was being dramatic. It wasn’t as if Sonic treated him poorly (far from it), but he was far from the romantic type, and having their reputations get in the way of an already-lacking-romance relationship was beyond frustrating.
That wasn’t totally true either; their relationship did lack most traditional romance tropes—that was a fact—but Sonic did make an effort sometimes. He would bring Shadow flowers or his favourite coffee bean brand. When Shadow had nightmares or trouble falling asleep, he could almost always count on the blue hedgehog to be there and help. Most notably, Sonic was always more than enthusiastic when it came to certain other intimate activities.
Shadow let the scalding hot water run down his back and through his quills, rinsing off the shampoo he had just lathered.
“Romance is hard,” he vented to the quill conditioner bottle in his hand.
Just then he heard the front door to his house slam open and someone come bounding in at at least 500 km an hour.
“He better have gotten something good!” Shadow hissed to himself as he scrubbed the conditioner into his quills.
~
Sonic had never been good at cleaning. It was so boring! Shadow, on the other hand, was a bit of a neat freak, except when he was working, of course; collateral damage was that man's middle name.
Shadow kept an apothecary's worth of cleaning supplies in his home. If Sonic weren’t so worried about the other things that were very obviously wrong with his boyfriend, he would send him to the doctor for some kind of neat-freak disorder or something. Like, seriously, who needed this many chemicals in their house? Sticks would lose her mind and probably go off on some tangent about how the chemicals were controlling Shadow’s mind and would make him a government agent—as if he wasn’t already a government agent?
Sticks didn’t know that particular fact about Shadow, and Sonic intended that it stay that way for the rest of ever. Sticks would lose her already very limited supply of marbles if she knew that he was ‘willingly giving his information’ to a member of the government…
Sonic’s working theory on the obsession with cleaning products did, however, relate to G.U.N., or more specifically, the ARK. He knew very little about Shadow's time on the Space Colony, but from what he did know, it was mainly a lab and therefore would have been an extremely sterile environment. Being there for the majority of your life would probably make anyone a neat freak.
There wasn’t even that much of a problem with Shadow’s cleaning obsession; if he liked it clean—so what? No, the real problem was that Sonic had no idea how to clean up the mess he’d made using the darker hedgehog’s supplies without accidentally making mustard gas.
That would be just the way to end off date night, gas chambering Shadow’s kitchen! Real stellar move as always, Sonic!
Windex was his first solution. Windex cleans everything, right? So he got to work soaking up wasted marinara from the floor with paper towels and soaking the remaining stains in about a gallon’s worth of the blue cleaning agent. Honestly, the result was rather good, all things considered! The floor looked just as good as before the event had occurred!
Good job, Sonic! Killing it today!
Just in time too because the water from the bathroom had stopped running. That probably gave him just enough time to find some pretty plates and set the table… In an ideal world, that is; or at the very least a world in which he remembers where Shadow kept his good china.
He was now left at one of the most difficult crossroads of his life: Snoop through Shadow’s house and risk getting in trouble, or don’t plate the food and risk getting in trouble?
The darker hedgehog had been very clear about the “plated nicely” part of his instruction; therefore, Sonic had a good alibi for why he was rummaging through his boyfriend’s stuff. However, in the past Shadow had gotten very upset about having his stuff gone through without warning…
Sonic groaned, dragging a gloved hand down his face. He didn't have time for this! Shadow would be out any minute, and he was going to be angry either way…rummaging it is! Sonic started going through cupboards a mile a minute and was met with very little in terms of good china and a whole lot in terms of tea, coffee, snacks, spices, and cookware.
There were only two cupboards left; one of them had to contain some kind of acceptable plating situation, right?
Sonic had usually considered himself a lucky guy, one of the luckiest actually, but that luck seemed to have completely abandoned him; even with 50/50 odds he still managed to pick the wrong cupboard. Instead of plates or anything useful, he was met with rows upon rows of wine, ranging from very cheap to jaw-droppingly expensive. If it weren't for the fact that Sonic knew this stash belonged to a certain Rouge the Bat, he would be very concerned that his partner had a problem.
An odd, very secret, piece of information about the Ultimate Lifeform that only Rouge, Omega, and Sonic knew was that he was a total lightweight, which was surprising considering everything about his biology would lead one to believe that alcohol would have no effect on him. It was kind of fun. Even though Shadow refused to drink outside of his own home, the few times Sonic had gotten him to drink, Shadow got really giggly, and as an extra, even better bonus, he got a little bit feely.
It can’t hurt to grab a bottle to go with dinner, right? Rouge would understand.
At least now if he didn’t find plates, he could try and convince Shadow to drink away the anger.
He grabbed a bottle that sat somewhere in the middle of a cheap cry-alone and maxed out your Black Card price tag and moved onto the last cupboard, and hopefully the right one.
And lucky for him, as he opened the little door, he was met with fully stocked shelves of china plates, bowls, serving platters, etc…
Hallelujah
Sonic grabbed the two dinner plates closest to him as fast as he could, without breaking them, and rushed to set the table. But just as he was setting the first plate down, he stopped…
Between the two plates was a piece of paper, no bigger than a Post-it.
2 sticks of salted butter, softened for 15-30 mins. Don’t let it soften too much or melt—cookies will spread out and burn.
¾ cup granulated sugar
2 (2 ½ if for Sonic) tablespoons of lemon zest
2 tablespoons culinary lavender
1 large egg (add half the egg whites of a second egg for a slightly fluffier cookie). Whip egg whites with the sugar and butter before adding the whole egg.
2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour (sift and measure flour correctly; adding too much creates a dense, chalky cookie)
2 tablespoons of cornstarch make cookies softer. Melt in your mouth better.
½ teaspoon baking powder
Sonic’s first and only thought after reading the contents of the paper was, “Oh fuck, I’m so dead.” The recipe hadn’t been just any recipe; it was THE recipe. Shadow was gonna kill him. Amy was also gonna kill him—he could see the tombstone now: “Here Lies Sonic the Hedgehog: Hero of Mobius, The Blue Blur—Beloved by All. Killed by boyfriend and best friend over cookie dispute. RIP.”
Before he even had time to hide the recipe again, the bathroom door swung open, and out stepped Shadow, looking thoroughly unimpressed.
“You aren’t finished? I thought you were ‘the fastest thing alive’; you can’t manage takeout, a spill, and setting the table in the span of 30 minutes?” The darker hedgehog raised his brows judgmentally.
Typically Sonic would take offence to this and start a fight—a fight that would inevitably end in a race that he won, obviously. But today, Sonic chose to do nothing and continue his silent acceptance of death by Shadow.
“What's wrong? You look like you’ve seen a fucking ghost,” Shadow inquired nonchalantly, brushing a hand through his still slightly damp quills. “If this is about the wine—we’ve been over this; it's not mine, it's Rouge’s stash. I don’t know why she insists on keeping one here, but what can be done?” He shrugged.
Sonic weighed his options carefully; he could take off and leave Shadow high and dry, thus probably ending their relationship and Sonic’s life, or he could drop to his knees right there and beg for forgiveness. Alternatively, he could ask Tails to give him a lobotomy later and hope that he forgets the cookie recipe in its entirety. Although the odds of the fox agreeing to that were slim.
Sonic, like the noble, wise hedgehog he was, went with the dignified option and dropped to his knees at Shadow’s feet in the middle of the kitchen and started apologizing. “Ifoundthecookierecipewhilelookingforthefuckingplatesandimsosososossososososorrypleasepleasedontkillmeihavealottolifvefor!!!!” He punctuated this award-winning apology with a hefty gasp of air.
“Sonic,” Shadow deadpanned, “I have no idea what you just said. Breathe next time.”
Sonic inhaled before repeating himself, slower. “I found the cookie recipe while looking for the stupid fucking plates, and I’m so-so-so-so-so sorry! Please don’t kill me! I have a lot to live for.”
Shadow looked down at the hero at his feet with an unreadable expression before he burst out giggling—actually giggling!
“What's so funny, asshole?” Sonic exclaimed, “I’m begging for my life here, and you’re fucking laughing?”
Shadow just laughed harder, bracing himself against the countertop. “You were actually worried I'd be mad over that?” he said through gasps.
“Well, yeah?” Sonic said, confused. “You literally kick me out of your house whenever you’re baking them, and you refuse to let anyone have the recipe! Why wouldn’t you be mad?” Sonic finally stood up from his pitiful begging position and furrowed his brows as his boyfriend continued to fight off little fits of giggles.
“This is the most I've ever seen you laugh, and it’s actually scaring me,” Sonic said, joining in on the laughter, more because Shadow’s giggles were contagious versus understanding whatever was so funny.
“Sonic, I only make you leave because I prefer to bake alone, to avoid incidents like today.”
Sonic’s mouth fell open in disbelief. “W-what? That—what…huh? Then why won’t you let anyone have the recipe?” he asked, still very confused.
“Simple, because it’s mine and it’s fun to be the only one with the skill to make them,” he shrugged, moving away from the counter to inspect Sonic’s half-finished dinner preparations.
“So you’re just gatekeeping it for funsies?” Sonic’s disbelief faded into snark.
“Pretty much,” The Ultimate Lifeform confirmed. “Now more importantly, didn’t I send you out to buy food? Why is there a fully frozen pizza on my counter?” Shadow asked, his lighthearted attitude from earlier completely disappearing.
Sonic’s ears instantly perked up as he sped over to stand at Shadow’s side to better explain his masterful solution.
“As you know, because it was your idea, we were gonna make pizza, but due to circumstances completely out of our control, we can’t do that anymore.” Shadow rolled his eyes but let the blue hedgehog continue. “Well now we can still do that! We still have all the toppings cut, so why let them go to waste?”
Shadow looked at him with a disbelieving look in his eyes. “That's…actually almost thoughtful,” he remarked, looking down at the frozen pizza again.
“Fuckin’ right it is! Now let's make this bad boy; I'm starving!” Sonic said, choosing to ignore the ‘almost’ part of Shadow’s statement and get to work on his half of the pizza.
~
The pizza was mediocre at absolute best, but the topping process had been fun, and after a couple glasses of wine, the two of them hadn’t even cared about the slightly burnt quality of their dinner.
They were far too preoccupied with other things to even finish the meal.